If You Give a Brit a Biscuit

[hurinhouse.livejournal.com]

Title: If You Give a Brit a Biscuit
Author: hurinhouse
Rating: R?
Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Summary: a variation on the poplar kids’ book series.
A/N: I’ve been reading If You Give a Mouse a Cookie to my kids; please forgive me.
Disclaimer: Not true, though I hear he likes tea.





If you give a Brit a biscuit, he’s going to want tea to go with it. You’ve had your own special blend brewing since you saw him bend over, so while he waits, you suggest a stiff pink peak or two.

When he tastes them, they remind him of his mother’s and he gives you a spanking. Your red arse makes him think of painting and he’ll ask for some melted chocolate.

The tree of Gondor that he draws on your back reminds him of being stuck with black arrows and you have to find a hanky for his tears. The hanky will be so soft that he’ll fall asleep right on your lap.

You don’t have the heart to wake him so you croon Chip Butty to him. He’ll move to the beat in his sleep and you’ll have to tighten the lid on your thermos to prevent a premature spill.

This will wake him and he’ll be quite thirsty so you’ll offer him the opportunity to turn the burner up on your teapot. When your whistle blows, he’ll drink your special brand of tea.

And chances are, if he’s had your tea, he’ll want to nibble your biscuits along with it.

Comments

[kat-scratches.livejournal.com]

OMG, that was great! (And I doubt I'll be able to read that book to my kids again! Or the sequel, If You Give a Moose a Muffin.) And that last line is fantastic. :)

[hurinhouse.livejournal.com]

thank you! yeah, i think there are about 10 of those things by now, aren't there?

[ex-warmfuzzi813.livejournal.com]

If you give a pig a pancake will now have new meaning!
Just delightful.

[hurinhouse.livejournal.com]

thank you! yeah, that sticky syrup might suit vig's back just as well, eh?

[wynterhawk.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I'm not familiar with the original book, but I like this one more anyway :)