(no subject)

Title: Talk
Author: Christina aka just me
Pairing: Monaboyd
Rating: G-ish
Summary: angsty Billy getting married and Dom taking him out for a talk. ;-;
A/N: For Harvey…this story’s Billy.


“Can we talk?” I asked him. I hoped Allie didn’t mind but I knew she would. She knew all about us and I can’t say she was particularly jealous. Maybe she just didn’t know all the details. If she did, maybe she would have been more concerned when I took him into the hallway.

The wedding reception was being held in a big house kinda place. All the guests had free rein of the house and the yards surrounding it. There was a pool, a few big tents in the back yard and the house itself was as big as some of the houses I’d become accustomed to in LA.

I got him out in the hallway and I could hear music floating out from the ballroom. I wondered if I should ask him to dance or something. We used to do that all the time. I loved the way his arms felt around me as we shuffled our feet. Both of us not really much of good dancers.

“What didja wan’ta talk about?” He asked. He didn’t really look annoyed but very hesitant to be there with me. Did he not trust me? Did he not trust himself when he was around me? Was I just making myself out to be more important to him than I really was? My self esteem went to the gutter as I thought about that last question. It’d been so long. Who was I to say he wasn’t really over me?

“I just wanted to say…congratulations. That’s all.” I shuffled from foot to foot. That’s not really what I wanted to say. I wanted to ask him if it could have been us in there getting married in front of all our friends. I thought there could have been a time when I would have gladly said yes to any marriage proposal that came from his lips.

“An’ ya brought me out’ere to say tha‘?” Now he really did look annoyed.

“You know I didn’t. You know that’s not really why we’re standing here.”

He was quiet for a few seconds and then replied: “I know.” He had this look in his eyes that made me rethink my decision to get him alone. He seemed almost like he wanted to what? Kiss me? That wouldn’t be a very smart move at his own wedding.

The song ‘Green Eyes’ suddenly drifted through the closed doors and I bit my lip. Why this song? Was it some sort of idiotic fate that the band would play this song while Billy and I were so close? Allie knew that this was one of Bill’s favourite songs, but I was guessing she didn’t know why. If she knew that we used to dance to this song, make love to this song, play it over and over on the phone late at night when we were both so lonely for each other, I’m sure she’d have forced the band to never play it ever.

The way his eyes lit up told me he was thinking the same things I was. The song reminded us both of New Zealand. Never mind that it came out after we were done principle photography and falling in love. The lyrics said things we knew were real:

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green Eyes, Green Eyes, oh oh oh…


He reached at tentative hand and pulled me close and all of a sudden we were dancing like we used to. I clutched him and revelled in the smell, feel, warmth that was Billy. I tried to imagine us back at the time before new girlfriends and boyfriends. A time when we were happy and there was nothing except the both of us. A time before I got wrapped up in all the self-destructive Elijah bullshit. There were those moments that now flooded my brain and teased emotion out. And I think I started crying. I don’t remember doing so, but he kissed my wet cheek and I assumed I must have been.

“Dommie.” He whispered. “I’m sorry. I shoulda waited. We coulda tried again.”

I didn’t think we could have no matter how much I had wanted to. The timing was off for us every time we’d tried before. I shook my head and wiped at my tear-stained face. My swallowing sound was loud in my ears. The moment seemed to last forever with us just looking at each other. Lost in our memories. I had been in love with him but at the end I’d been to scared to even tell him that anymore. It hadn’t felt right to say it but I thought he’d known anyway.

The door swung open and Allie looked out curiously at the two of us. “Bill. Come back inside. Me aunt and uncle are leavin’ and wan’ta say goodbye ta both o’ us.” She barely looked in my direction and I knew it was a tactic to make me feel smaller than I felt already. I had been out here pressed too damn close to her husband. All three of us knew that.

Billy shot me a look of regret and they slipped back into the door. I stood there thinking about what just happened and finally turned toward the washroom.

[identity profile] rufina-pip.livejournal.com 2004-06-02 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahhh, the angst!! I hate having to imagine what could have been - just too regretful and sad. Very well written!