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fellowshippers2004-03-04 09:52 pm
xxoutofreachxx.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-03-04 09:52 pm
(no subject)
Title: Mix CD
Pairing: DM/EW
Rating: G fluff/angst (yes, it’s both.)
Summary: “…He often wondered if that was why Dom left. But Elijah knew music. And he knew what he wanted.”
Disclaimer: This is the first time I’ve written something like this. Both letters are written using the song lyrics from whichever CD the creator was making. In other words, the letter Elijah writes is using lyrics from the CD he sends to Dom, and vice versa. It was extremely difficult writing those letters, and I’m proud of them. The lyrics belong to the artists, not me. I make no claims of anyone’s sexuality.
Feedback and Criticism is appreciated. Especially criticism.
Elijah wasn’t artistic like Viggo or sensitive like Sean. He wasn’t capable of creating art that expressed true emotion. When he tried to blend colors they ran together forming a single dull gray across the canvas. He used the wrong brushes, and he applied too much paint. He concentrated on perfection. The thought of how other people would react to it was always in his head. He let his strokes be guided by impressing other people, not his vision. Elijah wasn’t sensitive. He always said the wrong thing at the wrong times. He was incapable of forming words of his own to flow smoothly off the tip of his tongue. The hours he spent preparing for what he would say couldn’t lace up his sneakers and prevent him from tripping over his tongue. He couldn’t sing, or play an instrument, nor was he coordinated enough to play sports. He liked to believe he could act, but that was often the downfall of all his relationships. Nothing could hide the uncertain looks he received from everyone. He was an actor, and the world was his stage. They didn’t know how far he would take it. No one knew whether something was read straight from the script in his head or whispered from his heart. He often wondered if that was why Dom left. But Elijah knew music. And he knew what he wanted.
The ticking of the clock as time slowly wastes itself away is enough to make him insane. Elijah swears, to no one but himself, that at any second it’s likely his head will explode from the constant surge of pain and his inability to concentrate on anything but music. Everyday of the entire two months Dom had been gone he remained practically in the same spot, doing the same thing, drinking the same tea. Elijah hated tea and loved coffee. He thought coffee was black and bitter just like his soul after Dom had left; then smacked himself for thinking like a prepubescent teenage girl who just had her heart broken by her first boyfriend. The freshly washed white sheets clung to his body while his fingers and ears worked frantically for what some believed was a lost cause. The sheets still smelled like Dom. He had folded and put them away the morning he left. Elijah left the windows wide open, hoping to catch the occasional draft of air smelling of spring. Spring reminded him of Dom. Of cool mornings and warm light cast on bare limbs in a room of fresh white linen and yellow daisies. His laptop was propped on his thighs. Legs carelessly thrown over white sheets and crumbs from this mornings toast. Toes could be seen peeking teasingly from sandals that Dom left behind as Elijah tucked them in and out. A nervous habit he had picked up from Dom. Elijah’s mother had always taught him to work for what he wanted. She told him that when someone strayed from you, you couldn’t let them go. If you loved someone, she said, you would pursue them until you were positive they were too far from your reach. Elijah always listened to his mother.
Dom left Elijah a quiet spring morning, tossing excuses over his shoulders that had become part of perfectly sculpted arms after Hollywood got their hold on him. Elijah remembered that he had been wearing the clothes that Dom knew he loved. His hair was spiked to perfection in Dom’s famous “my hair looks like I just woke up, but really my stylist spent 3 hours on it” style. He noticed that when people left, they made sure to look their best. They want to let you know what had just slipped from your fingers. Dom didn’t catch him off guard with the break up. Elijah expected it was coming weeks in advance. He saw Dom change right before his eyes as the years went by. Hollywood held onto his soul, promising bigger and better things for Dom and Elijah couldn’t compete. Dom stopped leaving notes on the fridge. There was no coffee prepared for Elijah when he woke up. The white linen sheets were cold when he woke up in the morning reaching for a body to comfort him. The blue front door they had painted together after Dom decided it was the exact match to Elijah’s eyes was shut and Dom wasn’t a captive inside Elijah’s world anymore. He wanted to explore the world, and other bodies. Tears were shed and pictures were crumpled. Those moments never lasted though. Elijah wasn’t ready to sit back and let Dom fly away from him. So he gave Dom a month, and began the chapter of his life that started with the recapture of Dom’s heart.
Elijah knew music. Music was the key to drawing Dom back in. They had exchanged mix CDs numerous times during filming, and in the beginning of their relationship. They had decided not to make mix tapes because Elijah informed Dom that it was an art. Dom agreed that they shouldn’t ruin it with their silly music. Hours spent making a CD for each other changed to fifteen minutes. The idea faded when they realized that these CDs were the same mix of love and trust and commitment. The last CD Elijah had gotten from Dom was a compilation of British bands he thought Elijah should hear. It was playing that morning when the blue front door closed after Dom’s leather coat and scarf. It was time to make Dom another CD. A CD wasn’t just a round disc to Elijah. It was his heart. Filled with eighty minutes of words that Elijah could never compete with and a message he hoped Dom could feel. He spent two months listening to music and reading lyrics and designing covers. He spent two months using other people’s words to show Dom how much he needed him. On a rainy morning, Elijah stopped at the post office and watched as his package was sealed and set aside for delivery. He waited for Dom’s reply.
The last act of desperation from the wounded hobbit.
1. Better than Ezra- King of New Orleans
2. Wilco- I’m the man who loves you
3. Billie Holiday- Can’t take that away from me
4. The Cure- There is no if…
5. PJ Harvey- One line
6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Our time
7. David Bowie- Don’t let me down and down
8. Yo La Tengo- Shadows
9. Deathcab for Cutie- Tiny vessels
10. At the drive-in- Speechless
11. Elliot Smith- The Biggest Lie
12. Radiohead- The Bends
13. Silverchair- Miss you love
14. The Get up Kids- I’ll catch you
15. Bright Eyes- You will. You will?
16. Smashing Pumpkins- Pennies
17. Rufus Wainwright- Poses
18. Velvet Underground- After Hours
Dom (inic) (mie),
I wait in the shadows because no one’s listening and you’re already feeling old and no one understands the feeling of your arms in mine. If I could, you know I would. But it rips your heart out. Remembering the way you wear your hat, the way you sip your tea, the way you sing off key, the way you haunt my dreams, the way you’ve changed my life. We may never meet again. You say I’m not sorry that I said I love you. If I could you know I would say I’m sorry for throwing us together. Do you remember the first kiss? Whisper sounds that sweep and the sun has already gone down. Remember the first time I told you I love you? You never really seemed to smile when I touched you. All those lonely nights you stayed up and cried. Remember the last time I told you I love you? You didn’t say a word. We’ll pretend that it meant something so much more. Leave it behind when you walk out the door. Got an angel on the stairs. And he loves the girls. And he loves the boys. Well I’ve been stung by your lies. I was left with my eyes to see the beauty in his world. Anyway you look, we’re two of a kind. This is the moment that you know I’m the man who loves you. Writing this letter to you the words are coming out all weird. I took so long to figure out that you said you didn’t love the pain, but you’ll go. You will return to me, cause I know that I completed you. Me and you could be happy. Am I really sinking this low? Brilliant minds with pretty faces never cry. No ones saying that it’ll be alright. You never heard as we moved together in the dark. Are you the love of my lifetime? I want to lie and breathe (as if you’d even care). It’s a shame you broke my heart, no need for reminding. How can you blame me? Life is a game and true love is a trophy. You say the fates were cruel, but I always loved you so, especially when you’d go. Where are you now when I need you? Falling asleep against the window pane. To smoke the days away into the evenings. Where do we go from here? Can you sleep? We don’t have any real friends, don’t worry, I’ll catch you. No hard feelings. If you die, so do I. There is no always forever. Just me and you. Just this. Remember that you held your hands to my shining eyes and smiled as you kissed me. I truly believed as I watched as the rain ran through your fingers. It’s too soon for me to forget. It was warm and safe in our perfect world. No place to hide. No way to fall. Don’t let me down. The yellow walls are lined with portraits of all these poses, such beautiful poses. I’m scared to death to hide all the dirt and pain. If you close the door, drink a toast to never. So when you asked “was something wrong?” Than I think “you’re damn right there is. But we can’t talk about it now.” And it was vile and it was cheap, that’s the reason you stay here. How awful. You never really leave my mind. And everything that you do makes me want to die. So precious. You’re still all that matters to me, there’s never been such grave a matter. And I draw a line to your heart today. One at a time. Hiding the bruises. White and pink and blades of blue. That’s all you’ve got to say.
Love,
Elijah
The sidewalk outside Dom’s apartment was the softest place in the world as far as he was concerned. 8 a.m. and one too many drinks did this too him. His Hollywood friends had already gone, dropping him off at his apartment and taking off before he asked them to help. He could almost make out the blurred shape of his agent standing over him, moving her lips in some language that seemed unrecognizable to him. That could have been the alcohol thinking for him but he wasn’t ready to distinguish between reality and Jack Daniels talking. He’s put aside the original idea he had of responding to this mystery woman after he discovered the noise his lips make when they smack together. His apartment building seems to start moving until Dom realizes that he’s being pulled off the ground. The woman’s searching through his pockets, or in Jack Daniel’s world she’s feeling him up, for keys. Jack Daniels takes over again and mentally wishes she would move her hand a little to the left.
The black silk sheets feel better against his face as he wakes up in his bed unaware of how he got there in the first place. His agent is in the kitchen when he walks in rubbing his head and wondering how his pants came off. She opens her mouth when she sees he’s entered, but he cuts her off.
“I’ve heard this speech about partying, save it.”
She purses her lips together and hands him his mail. She’s already taken the fan mail and bills, knowing that he’ll forget about them.
“Oh yeah, and Billy called. It sounded important.”
He nods, but he doesn’t hear her. A manila envelope with Elijah’s hand writing marked carefully with their addresses. Dom asks her to leave in a voice that might have been too impatient for a woman who had just dragged him off the street and saved him embarrassment. He makes a mental note to apologize and bring her to dinner.
The black shades and curtains are drawn to cover the light. He sits in the chair by his newest and most expensive stereo. Hesitant to press play and hear what Elijah has to say. He doesn’t read the letter until the music starts, following the directions that came with the package. His thumb takes over and presses down. The music starts playing and a thousand feelings of euphoria and nostalgia rush over Dom before he has the chance to block them out with the bottle of Scotch he placed in reach. He begins to read.
Dom remembers the day he left, and what he wore, and what time it was. He woke up that morning knowing what he was going to do to Elijah. He did everything he possibly could that morning to build Elijah up before he let him down. That was part of who he was becoming. Hollywood and alcohol built this layer around him that he thought was not able to be penetrated. When Elijah started asking him about his change in attitude, and the amount of alcohol that filled the house, he knew it was time to go. He wanted to hurt Elijah because he wanted him to feel like he did. Dom didn’t know what had happened. He was so happy. They were so happy. Tabloids loved him and his partying but he wasn’t receiving any requests to audition for parts. He had gone from a star to a low self esteem nobody. He didn’t deserve Elijah. Sweet innocent Elijah who had no idea about what was going on inside Dom. Elijah who didn’t like to talk or be emotional around other people, and Dom wasn’t like that. He was willing to spill his guts to a stranger off the streets until he met Elijah. Until he met Jack Daniels. He became this unrecognizable and unreachable actor who disconnected himself from his own family and spend his days getting stoned and making a fool of himself. He didn’t want to expose Elijah to that. Dom wasn’t sure how to show Elijah what he looked like inside. He wasn’t sure if Elijah wanted to see. Dom had forgotten about the mix CDs. He had forgotten what it felt like to receive the only thing Elijah could use to show his feelings. A disc filled with 80 minutes of love and promises and sometimes heartbreak. He had forgotten about the shivers that ran through his spine hours after he listened to Elijah’s heart. Until he received Elijah’s heart and soul enclosed in a manila envelope in his Los Angeles apartment on a cloudy noisy Monday.
/The Eyeliner King sends his regards/
1) /Better than Ezra: At the stars/
2) /Wilco: I am trying to break you heart/
3) /Billie Holiday: Please don’t talk about me when I’m gone/
4) /The Cure: Cut Here/
5) /PJ Harvey: Rub it til it bleeds/
6) /Yeah Yeah Yeahs: miles away/
7) /David bowie: afraid/
8) /Yo la tengo: the lie and how we told it/
9) /Death cab for cutie: photobooth/
10) /At the drive-in: wintermonth novelty/
11) /Elliot smith: I didn’t understand/
12) /Radiohead: inside my head/
13) /Silverchair: ramble/
14) /The Get up kids: I’m a loner Dottie, a rebel/
15) /Bright eyes: The joy in forgetting/the joy in accepting/
16) /Smashing pumpkins: quiet/
17) /Rufus wainwright: on man-guy/
18) /Velvet underground: ride into the sun/
Elijah,
Is that anyway to say hello? All you do is ramble. So we meet again, can I talk this way? All dry and English slow? Maybe I’ll sit down and talk awhile. All the silly frilly things have to first get done. Have you been crying over your spilt milk? Your sermons I can do without. What do you want from me? You’re inside my head (and I’m holding on for a dear life.) What was I thinking when we said hello? I am trying to break your heart, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t easy. Please don’t talk about me. Disposable Dixie cup drinker. You’ll go your way. I’ll go mine. I need to sleep. We drank ourselves to sleep cause the paper cuts hurt. I get cocaine from this girl I met and you explain to your mother how you have wanted to die. There is so much more. You one talked to me about love, sure enough, I didn’t understand. I wish I was taller. And I love everything between the cracks. Open up your eyes, one night doesn’t mean the rest of my life. I wont come back, I hope someday you’ll understand. And it was pretty clear that it was hardly love. You took the wheel and steered us into my bed. You tie me up to your feather bed. And I twist and turn. My fingers bleed. They stare at me. I’m a coward (and you’re more beautiful than ever.) Let’s forget about…Are you listening? Anyone up there at all? Silent. Be ashamed, let’s undress. You were right when you said I’ve been drinking. I don’t trust you. We mutilate the meanings. My eyes never forget the mess you’ve made. And there’s a thousand reasons. I’m calling you weak. Getting even. I don’t try, but you don’t try. And you would be happy if you believe we’re not alone. I believe in Beatles. I’m still so afraid. I put faith in medication. I can smile a crooked smile on my own. I can talk on television. I got so lost , always was, through and through. What made my life so wonderful? Love. Trying to find the inner you. Skinny dipping. Our clothes in a pile on the ottoman. Constant quarreling. Childish fits (too much rush to talk to Billy.) Three long years. Quiet. (I miss you.) What made me feel so bad? Sleep alone. Unplug the phone and eat solo every night. Insecure scars. It seems I’m losing myself. Give me something real. Scraping paper to document. It’s time to move on. When you wake up I’ll be gone. So shut your eyes. Keep on making the same mistake. How many times can I walk away? We are who we are. It ends sometimes. (You’ll never let me go. Don’t) Save me from the awful sound of nothing. What a fucking joke. There’s nothing hear that you miss. You really matter to me, help. What was I thinking when I let go of you? What was I thinking when I said it didn’t hurt? Believe what I’m saying. Looking for another chance where everything seems so pretty. I’m afraid to try. I wanna try and make it right. Come tomorrow, I’ll be on my way back home.
Love,
Dom (inic) (mie)
Elijah spent the next two weeks pacing his apartment and checking the mail. On the third week, he stopped chewing his nails and gave up. Dom wasn’t going to return, but he had tried. And he would try again. A white letter came one day. With doodles of trees and stars and handwriting that seemed so familiar. Elijah dropped his keys down on the kitchen table, hesitating before opening the sealed envelope. His hands took control and shook while they pulled out the lined paper. The handwriting was familiar, but it seemed distant. He hadn’t wanted to read further than the first few lines after he realized what it said. He had come too far to give up now. He was pulled out of Dom’s world with a knock at the door. His heart was pounding as he read the letter, stumbling through the living room to answer the door. His mouth went dry. Elijah opened the blue door and looked up from his first real glimpse of Dom’s feelings to see Dom standing before him holding out a mix CD.
Pairing: DM/EW
Rating: G fluff/angst (yes, it’s both.)
Summary: “…He often wondered if that was why Dom left. But Elijah knew music. And he knew what he wanted.”
Disclaimer: This is the first time I’ve written something like this. Both letters are written using the song lyrics from whichever CD the creator was making. In other words, the letter Elijah writes is using lyrics from the CD he sends to Dom, and vice versa. It was extremely difficult writing those letters, and I’m proud of them. The lyrics belong to the artists, not me. I make no claims of anyone’s sexuality.
Feedback and Criticism is appreciated. Especially criticism.
Elijah wasn’t artistic like Viggo or sensitive like Sean. He wasn’t capable of creating art that expressed true emotion. When he tried to blend colors they ran together forming a single dull gray across the canvas. He used the wrong brushes, and he applied too much paint. He concentrated on perfection. The thought of how other people would react to it was always in his head. He let his strokes be guided by impressing other people, not his vision. Elijah wasn’t sensitive. He always said the wrong thing at the wrong times. He was incapable of forming words of his own to flow smoothly off the tip of his tongue. The hours he spent preparing for what he would say couldn’t lace up his sneakers and prevent him from tripping over his tongue. He couldn’t sing, or play an instrument, nor was he coordinated enough to play sports. He liked to believe he could act, but that was often the downfall of all his relationships. Nothing could hide the uncertain looks he received from everyone. He was an actor, and the world was his stage. They didn’t know how far he would take it. No one knew whether something was read straight from the script in his head or whispered from his heart. He often wondered if that was why Dom left. But Elijah knew music. And he knew what he wanted.
The ticking of the clock as time slowly wastes itself away is enough to make him insane. Elijah swears, to no one but himself, that at any second it’s likely his head will explode from the constant surge of pain and his inability to concentrate on anything but music. Everyday of the entire two months Dom had been gone he remained practically in the same spot, doing the same thing, drinking the same tea. Elijah hated tea and loved coffee. He thought coffee was black and bitter just like his soul after Dom had left; then smacked himself for thinking like a prepubescent teenage girl who just had her heart broken by her first boyfriend. The freshly washed white sheets clung to his body while his fingers and ears worked frantically for what some believed was a lost cause. The sheets still smelled like Dom. He had folded and put them away the morning he left. Elijah left the windows wide open, hoping to catch the occasional draft of air smelling of spring. Spring reminded him of Dom. Of cool mornings and warm light cast on bare limbs in a room of fresh white linen and yellow daisies. His laptop was propped on his thighs. Legs carelessly thrown over white sheets and crumbs from this mornings toast. Toes could be seen peeking teasingly from sandals that Dom left behind as Elijah tucked them in and out. A nervous habit he had picked up from Dom. Elijah’s mother had always taught him to work for what he wanted. She told him that when someone strayed from you, you couldn’t let them go. If you loved someone, she said, you would pursue them until you were positive they were too far from your reach. Elijah always listened to his mother.
Dom left Elijah a quiet spring morning, tossing excuses over his shoulders that had become part of perfectly sculpted arms after Hollywood got their hold on him. Elijah remembered that he had been wearing the clothes that Dom knew he loved. His hair was spiked to perfection in Dom’s famous “my hair looks like I just woke up, but really my stylist spent 3 hours on it” style. He noticed that when people left, they made sure to look their best. They want to let you know what had just slipped from your fingers. Dom didn’t catch him off guard with the break up. Elijah expected it was coming weeks in advance. He saw Dom change right before his eyes as the years went by. Hollywood held onto his soul, promising bigger and better things for Dom and Elijah couldn’t compete. Dom stopped leaving notes on the fridge. There was no coffee prepared for Elijah when he woke up. The white linen sheets were cold when he woke up in the morning reaching for a body to comfort him. The blue front door they had painted together after Dom decided it was the exact match to Elijah’s eyes was shut and Dom wasn’t a captive inside Elijah’s world anymore. He wanted to explore the world, and other bodies. Tears were shed and pictures were crumpled. Those moments never lasted though. Elijah wasn’t ready to sit back and let Dom fly away from him. So he gave Dom a month, and began the chapter of his life that started with the recapture of Dom’s heart.
Elijah knew music. Music was the key to drawing Dom back in. They had exchanged mix CDs numerous times during filming, and in the beginning of their relationship. They had decided not to make mix tapes because Elijah informed Dom that it was an art. Dom agreed that they shouldn’t ruin it with their silly music. Hours spent making a CD for each other changed to fifteen minutes. The idea faded when they realized that these CDs were the same mix of love and trust and commitment. The last CD Elijah had gotten from Dom was a compilation of British bands he thought Elijah should hear. It was playing that morning when the blue front door closed after Dom’s leather coat and scarf. It was time to make Dom another CD. A CD wasn’t just a round disc to Elijah. It was his heart. Filled with eighty minutes of words that Elijah could never compete with and a message he hoped Dom could feel. He spent two months listening to music and reading lyrics and designing covers. He spent two months using other people’s words to show Dom how much he needed him. On a rainy morning, Elijah stopped at the post office and watched as his package was sealed and set aside for delivery. He waited for Dom’s reply.
The last act of desperation from the wounded hobbit.
1. Better than Ezra- King of New Orleans
2. Wilco- I’m the man who loves you
3. Billie Holiday- Can’t take that away from me
4. The Cure- There is no if…
5. PJ Harvey- One line
6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Our time
7. David Bowie- Don’t let me down and down
8. Yo La Tengo- Shadows
9. Deathcab for Cutie- Tiny vessels
10. At the drive-in- Speechless
11. Elliot Smith- The Biggest Lie
12. Radiohead- The Bends
13. Silverchair- Miss you love
14. The Get up Kids- I’ll catch you
15. Bright Eyes- You will. You will?
16. Smashing Pumpkins- Pennies
17. Rufus Wainwright- Poses
18. Velvet Underground- After Hours
Dom (inic) (mie),
I wait in the shadows because no one’s listening and you’re already feeling old and no one understands the feeling of your arms in mine. If I could, you know I would. But it rips your heart out. Remembering the way you wear your hat, the way you sip your tea, the way you sing off key, the way you haunt my dreams, the way you’ve changed my life. We may never meet again. You say I’m not sorry that I said I love you. If I could you know I would say I’m sorry for throwing us together. Do you remember the first kiss? Whisper sounds that sweep and the sun has already gone down. Remember the first time I told you I love you? You never really seemed to smile when I touched you. All those lonely nights you stayed up and cried. Remember the last time I told you I love you? You didn’t say a word. We’ll pretend that it meant something so much more. Leave it behind when you walk out the door. Got an angel on the stairs. And he loves the girls. And he loves the boys. Well I’ve been stung by your lies. I was left with my eyes to see the beauty in his world. Anyway you look, we’re two of a kind. This is the moment that you know I’m the man who loves you. Writing this letter to you the words are coming out all weird. I took so long to figure out that you said you didn’t love the pain, but you’ll go. You will return to me, cause I know that I completed you. Me and you could be happy. Am I really sinking this low? Brilliant minds with pretty faces never cry. No ones saying that it’ll be alright. You never heard as we moved together in the dark. Are you the love of my lifetime? I want to lie and breathe (as if you’d even care). It’s a shame you broke my heart, no need for reminding. How can you blame me? Life is a game and true love is a trophy. You say the fates were cruel, but I always loved you so, especially when you’d go. Where are you now when I need you? Falling asleep against the window pane. To smoke the days away into the evenings. Where do we go from here? Can you sleep? We don’t have any real friends, don’t worry, I’ll catch you. No hard feelings. If you die, so do I. There is no always forever. Just me and you. Just this. Remember that you held your hands to my shining eyes and smiled as you kissed me. I truly believed as I watched as the rain ran through your fingers. It’s too soon for me to forget. It was warm and safe in our perfect world. No place to hide. No way to fall. Don’t let me down. The yellow walls are lined with portraits of all these poses, such beautiful poses. I’m scared to death to hide all the dirt and pain. If you close the door, drink a toast to never. So when you asked “was something wrong?” Than I think “you’re damn right there is. But we can’t talk about it now.” And it was vile and it was cheap, that’s the reason you stay here. How awful. You never really leave my mind. And everything that you do makes me want to die. So precious. You’re still all that matters to me, there’s never been such grave a matter. And I draw a line to your heart today. One at a time. Hiding the bruises. White and pink and blades of blue. That’s all you’ve got to say.
Love,
Elijah
The sidewalk outside Dom’s apartment was the softest place in the world as far as he was concerned. 8 a.m. and one too many drinks did this too him. His Hollywood friends had already gone, dropping him off at his apartment and taking off before he asked them to help. He could almost make out the blurred shape of his agent standing over him, moving her lips in some language that seemed unrecognizable to him. That could have been the alcohol thinking for him but he wasn’t ready to distinguish between reality and Jack Daniels talking. He’s put aside the original idea he had of responding to this mystery woman after he discovered the noise his lips make when they smack together. His apartment building seems to start moving until Dom realizes that he’s being pulled off the ground. The woman’s searching through his pockets, or in Jack Daniel’s world she’s feeling him up, for keys. Jack Daniels takes over again and mentally wishes she would move her hand a little to the left.
The black silk sheets feel better against his face as he wakes up in his bed unaware of how he got there in the first place. His agent is in the kitchen when he walks in rubbing his head and wondering how his pants came off. She opens her mouth when she sees he’s entered, but he cuts her off.
“I’ve heard this speech about partying, save it.”
She purses her lips together and hands him his mail. She’s already taken the fan mail and bills, knowing that he’ll forget about them.
“Oh yeah, and Billy called. It sounded important.”
He nods, but he doesn’t hear her. A manila envelope with Elijah’s hand writing marked carefully with their addresses. Dom asks her to leave in a voice that might have been too impatient for a woman who had just dragged him off the street and saved him embarrassment. He makes a mental note to apologize and bring her to dinner.
The black shades and curtains are drawn to cover the light. He sits in the chair by his newest and most expensive stereo. Hesitant to press play and hear what Elijah has to say. He doesn’t read the letter until the music starts, following the directions that came with the package. His thumb takes over and presses down. The music starts playing and a thousand feelings of euphoria and nostalgia rush over Dom before he has the chance to block them out with the bottle of Scotch he placed in reach. He begins to read.
Dom remembers the day he left, and what he wore, and what time it was. He woke up that morning knowing what he was going to do to Elijah. He did everything he possibly could that morning to build Elijah up before he let him down. That was part of who he was becoming. Hollywood and alcohol built this layer around him that he thought was not able to be penetrated. When Elijah started asking him about his change in attitude, and the amount of alcohol that filled the house, he knew it was time to go. He wanted to hurt Elijah because he wanted him to feel like he did. Dom didn’t know what had happened. He was so happy. They were so happy. Tabloids loved him and his partying but he wasn’t receiving any requests to audition for parts. He had gone from a star to a low self esteem nobody. He didn’t deserve Elijah. Sweet innocent Elijah who had no idea about what was going on inside Dom. Elijah who didn’t like to talk or be emotional around other people, and Dom wasn’t like that. He was willing to spill his guts to a stranger off the streets until he met Elijah. Until he met Jack Daniels. He became this unrecognizable and unreachable actor who disconnected himself from his own family and spend his days getting stoned and making a fool of himself. He didn’t want to expose Elijah to that. Dom wasn’t sure how to show Elijah what he looked like inside. He wasn’t sure if Elijah wanted to see. Dom had forgotten about the mix CDs. He had forgotten what it felt like to receive the only thing Elijah could use to show his feelings. A disc filled with 80 minutes of love and promises and sometimes heartbreak. He had forgotten about the shivers that ran through his spine hours after he listened to Elijah’s heart. Until he received Elijah’s heart and soul enclosed in a manila envelope in his Los Angeles apartment on a cloudy noisy Monday.
/The Eyeliner King sends his regards/
1) /Better than Ezra: At the stars/
2) /Wilco: I am trying to break you heart/
3) /Billie Holiday: Please don’t talk about me when I’m gone/
4) /The Cure: Cut Here/
5) /PJ Harvey: Rub it til it bleeds/
6) /Yeah Yeah Yeahs: miles away/
7) /David bowie: afraid/
8) /Yo la tengo: the lie and how we told it/
9) /Death cab for cutie: photobooth/
10) /At the drive-in: wintermonth novelty/
11) /Elliot smith: I didn’t understand/
12) /Radiohead: inside my head/
13) /Silverchair: ramble/
14) /The Get up kids: I’m a loner Dottie, a rebel/
15) /Bright eyes: The joy in forgetting/the joy in accepting/
16) /Smashing pumpkins: quiet/
17) /Rufus wainwright: on man-guy/
18) /Velvet underground: ride into the sun/
Elijah,
Is that anyway to say hello? All you do is ramble. So we meet again, can I talk this way? All dry and English slow? Maybe I’ll sit down and talk awhile. All the silly frilly things have to first get done. Have you been crying over your spilt milk? Your sermons I can do without. What do you want from me? You’re inside my head (and I’m holding on for a dear life.) What was I thinking when we said hello? I am trying to break your heart, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t easy. Please don’t talk about me. Disposable Dixie cup drinker. You’ll go your way. I’ll go mine. I need to sleep. We drank ourselves to sleep cause the paper cuts hurt. I get cocaine from this girl I met and you explain to your mother how you have wanted to die. There is so much more. You one talked to me about love, sure enough, I didn’t understand. I wish I was taller. And I love everything between the cracks. Open up your eyes, one night doesn’t mean the rest of my life. I wont come back, I hope someday you’ll understand. And it was pretty clear that it was hardly love. You took the wheel and steered us into my bed. You tie me up to your feather bed. And I twist and turn. My fingers bleed. They stare at me. I’m a coward (and you’re more beautiful than ever.) Let’s forget about…Are you listening? Anyone up there at all? Silent. Be ashamed, let’s undress. You were right when you said I’ve been drinking. I don’t trust you. We mutilate the meanings. My eyes never forget the mess you’ve made. And there’s a thousand reasons. I’m calling you weak. Getting even. I don’t try, but you don’t try. And you would be happy if you believe we’re not alone. I believe in Beatles. I’m still so afraid. I put faith in medication. I can smile a crooked smile on my own. I can talk on television. I got so lost , always was, through and through. What made my life so wonderful? Love. Trying to find the inner you. Skinny dipping. Our clothes in a pile on the ottoman. Constant quarreling. Childish fits (too much rush to talk to Billy.) Three long years. Quiet. (I miss you.) What made me feel so bad? Sleep alone. Unplug the phone and eat solo every night. Insecure scars. It seems I’m losing myself. Give me something real. Scraping paper to document. It’s time to move on. When you wake up I’ll be gone. So shut your eyes. Keep on making the same mistake. How many times can I walk away? We are who we are. It ends sometimes. (You’ll never let me go. Don’t) Save me from the awful sound of nothing. What a fucking joke. There’s nothing hear that you miss. You really matter to me, help. What was I thinking when I let go of you? What was I thinking when I said it didn’t hurt? Believe what I’m saying. Looking for another chance where everything seems so pretty. I’m afraid to try. I wanna try and make it right. Come tomorrow, I’ll be on my way back home.
Love,
Dom (inic) (mie)
Elijah spent the next two weeks pacing his apartment and checking the mail. On the third week, he stopped chewing his nails and gave up. Dom wasn’t going to return, but he had tried. And he would try again. A white letter came one day. With doodles of trees and stars and handwriting that seemed so familiar. Elijah dropped his keys down on the kitchen table, hesitating before opening the sealed envelope. His hands took control and shook while they pulled out the lined paper. The handwriting was familiar, but it seemed distant. He hadn’t wanted to read further than the first few lines after he realized what it said. He had come too far to give up now. He was pulled out of Dom’s world with a knock at the door. His heart was pounding as he read the letter, stumbling through the living room to answer the door. His mouth went dry. Elijah opened the blue door and looked up from his first real glimpse of Dom’s feelings to see Dom standing before him holding out a mix CD.
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The fic itself was sad. ~_~ Poor Lij *huggles* Very good yup yup
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I'm going to go to bed and dream lovely DomLijah dreams with a great soundtrack. Thank you.
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And I love the way you wrote the letters with the lyrics, and still conveyed all the emotion so clearly. I completely relate to using music as an expression of feelings, and I think you did it so well.
Really liked this, and doubley impressed with how you put it together!
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I somewhat wish I hadn't written this, now I'm longing for someone to make me a CD. Oh well, angst is good for my writing.
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Really weird but I'm listening to Death Cab For Cutie - Photobooth right now. :D
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