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thisisheaven.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2004-02-25 04:13 am
thisisheaven.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-02-25 04:13 am
Fic: If you love enough, you'll lie a lot (DM/BB)
Title: "If you love enough, you'll lie a lot." (4/?)
Pairing: Monaboyd,
Rating: eventually NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, wish I did. If this actually was true, we wouldn't be writing about it, the papers would.
Warning: This chapter contains SMUT, as in NC-17 rated material. If you don't like NC-17 stuff then skip the flashback, just warning you guys in advance.
Summary: "...and when you're gone, a part of me I never really see, is missing too."(Quoted to appease my slavedriver because she hates my summaries and says no one wants to read my story cause my summary is so awful.) Dom begins to explain.
AN: In a fit of depression I thought I'd start an angsty fic dedicated to the reason I even know what slash is...my roommate, favorite drunk of all time, lover of all that is angsty...my p-resh.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pre_expansion
This is a little unlike the past chapters because it's MUCH longer, an idea from my beta because otherwise there would be forever too many chapters.
I want to thank my wonderful betael_erzulie who not only offered to take me under her wing, but listen to my crazy 3 in the morning rants. She's absolutely brilliant for all advice and the best confidence boost ever. Any coherence and goodness in here is definitely due to her.
Previous parts: One Two Three
DOM’S POV
You stare vacantly at the scratch on the table, gathering the words to finally tell someone your greatest fear, your greatest source of shame, and your greatest feeling of inadequacy. Tracing the deep indentation in the wood you try to remember when the scratch had not been there, when the table had been whole. At some point you realize, even if the table was whole now, it wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t have the scratch; it wouldn’t have the same character.
Exhaling slowly, you look at your fingernails, noticing the black paint you had chipped off sometime in the night. Black. You had insisted to Orlando that your fingers needed to be that colour, for although they weren’t a canvas, like the ones that Viggo painted, they were an extension of you. Every time you reach out to something, you touch it with black, spreading your sorrow. It is a reminder to the world that an unbreakable heart would be priceless because the pain you’re going through right now cuts your heart every minute that goes by without Billy by your side.
“Dom, where are you?” Orlando looks at you, asking, with a look of concern painted across his face.
“Sorry, got lost in my head again. I tend to do that when I think of him,” you answer painfully. You know you need to tell someone, explain so that maybe Billy will one day understand something he should already know.
“It’s OK, Dom,” Orlando says encouragingly. “But you really do need to let me know what happened. I’m tired of being in the dark.”
You begin digging through your scattered emotions and try as best as you can to make sense of all the things that led up to this moment. Feelings flood your brain and you pause before beginning, knowing there’s no more avoiding this confession. “It all began when Billy and I first started out, back in New Zealand. You remember, right?”
“How could I forget? You were talking about him for months. Between hearing about him and seeing him, I could barely stand anything that had to do with Billy,” Orlando joked lightly.
“Well, as we got closer to the time to go home after the initial shooting, we finally sat down and had to talk about what we were getting ourselves into. As you know, this was a new thing for us both, and I didn’t want to make him feel like he had to make a big commitment. We agreed that we didn’t want to ruin our friendship by taking this too seriously, so we decided to keep it simple, and leave our relationship open in case either of us found someone new,” you recite, trying to keep the trembling out of your voice. You would never have found someone new. Who could be better than Billy? In your heart, no one can even compare.
Memories run through your mind of that day. If ever you could trace all of the problems to a beginning, this would be the definitive moment when it started. If there was only a way to turn back the hands of time with the knowledge you have now. If you could return to a past minute for a single breath or heartbeat, with hindsight as always, 20/20, you know you would give anything to change it.
As you pause, the phone rings and you look at it curiously. Picking up the receiver, Orlando answers and then wordlessly gives the phone to you. You clear your throat and brush a stray tear off your face before you say, “Hello?”
You hear a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line and realize that your heartbeat echoes the rhythm of the breathing you hear in the receiver. Almost breathlessly, you manage to whisper, “Billy?”
Holding any form of connection to Billy made your already tenuous emotional state almost fall apart. Images flash in your mind like a collage of candid shots, moments of seeing Billy and never appreciating how beautiful he really was. Almost unbidden the series of flashes stop to one morning, so special because it was so ordinary. But it was the beginning, the start of your headlong fall into something deeper and greater than anything you could have ever imagined. It was the day you admitted that your greatest pain was also your utmost pleasure. You sold your soul willingly to the devil in disguise, hoping that somehow Billy would know that he was the only one who could save you.
You watch the early morning sunlight send small rays through the window shades. Before being with Billy you were never a morning person. But then one morning you had woken early for some insignificant reason that you can’t remember now, and been so taken aback by the sight that met your eyes that now you rouse yourself early for it. It was Billy. Sleeping. It makes your heart stop every time you see it.
Raising yourself to a slight reclining position, you slowly pull Billy down your chest a little to the broad part of your stomach so you can get a better view. His right arm is thrown recklessly over your chest and buried into the pillow you lean against. He warms the side of your body, and you can feel his chin rubbing softly against the edge of your chest. As usual, he’s lying on his stomach. Moving his right leg in between both of yours, he stretches his thigh above your right thigh and buries his calf underneath your left leg. The covers are thrown over him haphazardly, leaving you a great view of his back and you fill your eyes with the sight of him.
He sighs softly and you study his face, etching the little imperfections over and over again with your eyes, knowing that they are your favorite things about him. His soft hair is tousled from a combination of sleep and your fingers and his face is slightly flushed. He has a small smile on his face, and you hope that he’s dreaming of you and him together, and that that’s the reason why he looks so serene.
You know that you shouldn’t become used to this, that watching him is becoming an addiction, but you can’t stop. A part of you is screaming to look away, telling you that this is too much emotion and that the fluttering feeling in your stomach is hunger and not something else. You calmly tell that voice to shut up and that as long as Billy doesn’t know you’re watching him, you can continue.
Inhaling deeply you can smell the very essence of morning Billy. He mumbles a little at the movement of your stomach and moves closer to you as you suddenly become aware of every point that your bodies are touching. Focusing on his neck, you wish that you could bury your face in it and stay there forever. You feel his muscled arms hold you sleepily. You whisper, “I’m still here,” and you watch his contented smile get a little bigger.
Then, being notably awake, he firmly wraps his arms around you and pulls himself up to lie completely on top of you, aligning your bodies together perfectly. They always fit that way. His eyes open slightly and you see brilliant green in the sunlight. You wonder if there’s ever been anything more beautiful.
He asks, “Dommie, what are you doing awake?” in a voice still thick with sleep.
“Just waiting for you to wake up…watching you sleep a little, you’re so beautiful when you sleep Bills!” Although you say it in a joking tone, you know that you’ve never been more serious about anything. But you’re afraid to let him know how much you like watching him sleep, afraid to know how much you really like him. You’ve made a deal and you can’t go back on it.
Your thoughts are interrupted when you look up and realize Billy is now lightly kissing your collarbone, moving slightly against you while effectively pinning you down. He lets his tongue slide up the side of your neck and traces your jaw until he gets to your lips. With his eyes still closed, he murmurs, “Morning Dommie.” Softly touching his lips to yours, he pulls away to run his tongue across your bottom lip and bites down.
You feel him arms press the mattress down on either side of your head and realize he’s about to get up. As fast as you can in your dazed state, you pull his shoulders back down, catching him by surprise as his body falls back to meet yours and you lock your lips with his. Knowing he had gotten your attention, he grins while you kiss him. But you don’t care anymore because he opened his mouth slightly when he smiled and you thrust your tongue between his lips, hot and demanding before he can object.
He groans in response, but accepts you readily as your kiss becomes less eager and more passionate, knowing he’s not going anywhere. Even in the course of one night you realize how much you’ve missed his taste, missed him filling every part of you, infusing his presence into your body so you could never feel alone. Tenderly you run your fingers through his hair, stopping at the back of his neck while your other hand caresses down his side, then down his back as you mold his body to yours.
He shifts against you and you feel the familiar, yet oh so good feel of his erection coming dangerously close to yours. For some reason you feel the need to slow this down, feeling like you were gone longer in sleep than a usual night, and you want to savour every minute of this. You flip him over and pull the bed sheets down so you can see him. Your eyes travel down his body, taking in every inch of him, noting the movement underneath his thin grey boxers.
He looks up at you questioningly and you simply smile before moving between his calves and lowering your head down near his knee. You tickle his feet slightly before moving your hands to his knee. Knowing his weakness, you bend his leg enough so you can lick the back of it and apply just the right amount of suction to make him shiver. Licking two fingers you let them travel up his inner thigh, caressing below the hip bone before you move above his midsection, determined to worship his body from head to toe.
You straddle his stomach and look straight down into his brilliant eyes. The usual glistening color has darkened in lust to the color of the stormy sea and you’re determined to make them as dark as possible. You want to make him want all of you, and give it to him, telling him without words the emotions that you struggle to suppress every moment you’re near him.
In a moment of reckless abandon you gently caress his cheek and look straight into his eyes and say, “You really are beautiful,” with every sense of meaning you can muster. You know you shouldn’t say these things, you know you aren’t supposed to feel, but you hope he’ll dismiss it, or not understand, even though you know he knows you too well to do that.
Sliding seductively down his body, using your inner thighs to squeeze around his hip bones, making him thrust up as you roll over his aching cock, you tilt his head to the side, giving you a direct shot to his biggest weakness – his ears. First kissing behind his ear, you breathe deeply, exhaling wetly into his ear and sucking on his earlobe, biting down.
You feel him begin to squirm and move to trace his jaw line, feeling his head turning towards yours. His breath is hot against your cheek and when you look at him, he whimpers, “Please, more, need you.”
The words ignite a fire in you. He needs you. Right now you can pretend he needs you forever, not just now. Kissing him, you ravage his mouth, plunging your tongue in and exploring every bit of it. Your tongues twist together in a passionate battle, but you won’t back down and eventually he concedes. He twists his fingers into your hair as you move back to his collarbone, sucking softly against the bone until you reach the sweet skin directly below his throat. You want to mark him as yours, so just this once you suck a little harder, biting a little, leaving a small symbol of yourself on him.
Moving further down you gently let your hands brush over his nipples. Hearing a sharp intake in breath, you bend your fingers, scratching down his chest over the now-hard peaks. Leaning down you swipe your tongue over his left nipple before you suction your mouth to it, biting down occasionally until you feel his cock throb almost violently against your stomach. You move to his right nipple to give it similar treatment and by the time you’re done his hands have moved to the back of your arms, kneading into your skin while he moans incoherently.
You let your fingers trace down his abdomen, followed closely by your tongue, writing words that make his blood race, knowing that his heart is fluttering against his chest and that you will soon be closer than you have ever been before. Moving down to the waistband of his boxers, you tug at them with your teeth, pressing and pushing against his hips while he thrusts up so you can pull them down. Slowly you pull his boxers down to his thighs, letting your chin hit his rock hard cock.
Nuzzling your face in the soft hair underneath his belly button, you move to the side and lick down, pushing your tongue into the crevice where his upper leg meets his torso. You trace your fingers around his balls moving your hands around to grasp his upper thighs and control his upward thrusts. Your tongue trembles as you lick around the base of his cock and you massage his balls, making his cock jerk in the same rhythm.
Pursing your lips and letting the tension run out of your tongue you let your mouth wander the length of his cock. You drag your teeth lightly around the tip, getting closer and closer, until you brush over it. You let your fingers linger across his hipbones and you grip his length tenderly before making a couple of quick twist upstrokes. You watch as beads of pearly cum leak from the tip of his cock and lean down to suck them away. Reveling in the musky taste, you let your lips suction down his shaft until your face is buried in light brown curls rich in Billy’s scent.
Billy begins to writhe underneath your mouth as you tongue his balls and then swirl his cock in your mouth. Alternating between scraping your teeth gingerly across his length and allowing your lips to twist around the still-leaking tip, you run your fingers up and down his chest until he untwists one hand out of your hair and grabs one of yours. You begin to move faster, creating a consistent rhythm, his groaning music to your ears.
Reading his movements, knowing the signs that he’s getting close, you slow down and hear him make an almost painful noise. He looks down at you and you see that his eyes are flashing fire. His breath is shaking and for a moment you feel a rush of power and desire and something else that you can’t quite contain. The next thing you know your lips are pressed against his ear and you say in a rush, “Take all of me. Please Billy, I need to feel you,” before you even process the words.
He looks up at you, his eyes reflecting his confusion at your passionate statement, but desire fights it and he pulls you down to him, taking control. Flipping you over, he rips your boxers down and presses his body against you with as much pressure as his shaking body can manage. He looks at you and you see that he is struggling briefly to maintain some semblance of calm. He manages to ask, “Are you sure?”
You kiss his breath away as an answer. Running your hands down his sweaty back, you move your attentions to his shoulder, licking and tasting salt, Billy, and heaven. He moves against you and sits up slightly. Looking up at him you think you might just come with the vision before you. He is flushed, trembling and as you stare into his eyes you realize they look almost black with desire. Leaning towards the bedside table, you open a drawer and pull out a small bottle of baby oil. Silently handing it to Billy, he takes it, but also keeps a hold of your hand.
Together you both open the bottle of oil and smear it across his pulsating cock. Your cock quivers in an answering anticipation. Billy pours some oil into his hands and rubs the oil up and down his fingers. You lock your ankles behind his waist and stare at his luscious neck, trying to relax. He breathlessly says your name and you look up, again becoming mesmerized by his warm gaze. Your vision is shrouded in passion, but his eyes somehow penetrate the darkness and you become lost in a sea of emerald. He leans down to you and kisses you gently just as you feel a slick warm finger pressed against your opening.
You feel a building pressure until suddenly his finger is inside of you. Momentarily, you have a hot, painful sensation. Then he slowly moves his finger deeper inside of you, twisting and curling it until for almost no reason at all your body convulses and you gasp. He looks at you before curling his finger again. Blood rushes through your veins at a maddening pace. You feel your heart fluttering in your chest and you’re lightheaded with pleasure. You realize he has managed to put three fingers inside of you and he’s moving them, all while caressing you softly.
When he pulls his fingers out you surprise yourself and groan in response. He angles downwards a bit and you feel a slick, hot, hard something pressing at your entrance. The pressure builds again and you try to relax even though you feel an almost painful tearing and then, in the space of a breath, he is buried deep inside of you and you have lost all coherent train of thought.
He stays still, chest against yours, head in your neck, gasping for air. You hear, “So good, tight, hot…never thought it could be this good.”
You move to kiss him and feel him withdraw out of you a little. With a whimper, you clamp your legs around him right as he pushes back in, ever so gently. He asks breathlessly, “OK Dom?”
You pull him closer in response and moan, “God yes Billy. Harder. Need more.”
He begins to thrust inside of you erratically. His slick cock sends fire into your nerve endings and your skin tingles while you gulp down air and thrust up to meet him every time he moves away. He pushes down a little and comes in at a different angle and suddenly you stiffen. Opening your eyes you see flashing red lights that simply darken when you close them. All you can hear is the mad sound of your heart pounding, and you wonder if it has escaped your chest. He pulls away and thrusts, hitting your prostrate again and again.
You open your eyes with one thought; seeing Billy in the grips of passion. His hair is plastered down in sweat and his face is slack with pleasure. His body is tense on top of yours and every time he pushes in and you take all of him completely he sucks in his bottom lip. “Open your eyes, Billy,” you say, without even realizing it.
With seemingly great effort, his eyes meet yours, glazed in desire. Staring into his eyes you see he is losing his battle for control and that he is close to coming. Abruptly his still slick hand grasps your cock and begins to stroke yours in time with his thrusts. You push upward into his fist while he continues to push into you and the combined effect makes you almost scream. The pit of your stomach begins to burn and the tingling sensation in the back of your head grows as you feel your legs almost begin to go numb. You come hot and heavy, squirting cum up your sweaty chest and your whole body quivers as you yell his name.
Billy pauses for a split second and thrusts into you one last time before convulsing above you. Somewhere deep inside of you, you feel hot liquid running into your blood, making Billy an eternal part of you, branding his and only his signature into your soul. He abruptly falls onto your chest, breathing unsteadily and shaking with the aftereffects. When he pulls out you feel almost incomplete and softly sigh, trying to calm your own breathing. You hear him mumble something and turn to look at him asking, “Mmm…what?”
He smiles at you and if your head wasn’t feeling quite so hazy, you could almost imagine a look of deep affection flitting across his features. He has an almost strange look in his eyes, and shakes his head as if to deny saying anything at all before finally speaking, “I said that I should try to go to the bathroom more often right after you wake me up in the morning.” He nuzzles under your shoulder and pulls you close. He really would never know that while he had just had sex, you had made love.
BILLY POV
At the sound of his voice you nearly lose it. A hand squeezes yours and you remember that you have to be strong, you knew this was going to happen at some point. You realize that you’re giving your phone the death grip, hoping on some level that you’ll break it before you have to say anything. Taking a deep breath, you know you can’t avoid it any longer. “Yes, it’s me,” you answer quietly.
Silence greets your answer. You can picture him, probably sitting at the kitchen table with a beer, tracing the scratch mark on the table with a polished hand. No, you can’t stand to think about it. You think to yourself, no, I obviously don’t know him that well, he’s probably there with someone, redecorating and moving on, just like he seems to do so well.
You hear a slight sniffle, and realize he’s probably wondering what in the world you’re doing calling him. Quickly you say, “I need some of the stuff I left there, some notes and things for the reshoots, could you please tell Orlando to send them to me?”
“Sure,” he answers shortly. “What other things do you need?”
You can’t bear to listen to his voice any longer. Even before you had started your relationship, Dom always sounded so full of life, full of emotion. Now, his voice is hesitant and listless and sounds foreign to your ears. The coldness that replaced what used to be in his voice, what you used to think was love, kills you. Briefly you think that maybe it’s because of you that he sounds this way, before an even stronger voice in your head states that you had all rights to leave that day and that you can’t let him get the better of you.
“Can you let me talk to Orlando? I can tell him where the papers are, I don’t want to trouble you.” You’re surprised at the coldness of your own voice, since all you were hoping for was to make sure it didn’t tremble with the last line.
“Billy, it’s no…” he starts to say, before you cut him off. Hearing your name escape from his lips is too much. “Don’t worry about it, come to think of it, I can get copies elsewhere. Bye,” you say and hang up with your heart hammering and tears in your eyes. Looking up you stare into bright blue eyes that reproach you slightly, though you know they understand.
“Sorry Lij, it was the best I could do for now,” you say, trying to explain what just happened. “I wouldn’t have called so soon, but I actually need those papers. I can’t believe we have to be back in New Zealand in two weeks, but most of the new shots aren’t going to have me and Dom together luckily. I don’t want to see him! I can’t see him. So this will be OK, right? Peter doesn’t know and the rest of the guys will understand. This isn’t going to be a problem…” your voice trails off and you realize that you’re really talking to yourself, assuring yourself.
“It’s OK. Everyone will understand. Billy, you want to go for a walk now?” Elijah answers, trying to assure you. Smiling with some effort and trying to look encouraging, hands you a coat and repeats for probably the millionth time, “It’ll be alright.”
You want to ask him if he thinks you hurt him with what just happened. You want to ask Lij if you were wrong. You want to tell him how much Dom hurt you. In your mind, you realize for the first time you’ve said his name. Dom. More affectionately known as your Dommie, but not anymore.
Not anymore, and not ever again.
Pairing: Monaboyd,
Rating: eventually NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, wish I did. If this actually was true, we wouldn't be writing about it, the papers would.
Warning: This chapter contains SMUT, as in NC-17 rated material. If you don't like NC-17 stuff then skip the flashback, just warning you guys in advance.
Summary: "...and when you're gone, a part of me I never really see, is missing too."
AN: In a fit of depression I thought I'd start an angsty fic dedicated to the reason I even know what slash is...my roommate, favorite drunk of all time, lover of all that is angsty...my p-resh.
pre_expansion This is a little unlike the past chapters because it's MUCH longer, an idea from my beta because otherwise there would be forever too many chapters.
I want to thank my wonderful beta
el_erzulie who not only offered to take me under her wing, but listen to my crazy 3 in the morning rants. She's absolutely brilliant for all advice and the best confidence boost ever. Any coherence and goodness in here is definitely due to her. Previous parts: One Two Three
DOM’S POV
You stare vacantly at the scratch on the table, gathering the words to finally tell someone your greatest fear, your greatest source of shame, and your greatest feeling of inadequacy. Tracing the deep indentation in the wood you try to remember when the scratch had not been there, when the table had been whole. At some point you realize, even if the table was whole now, it wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t have the scratch; it wouldn’t have the same character.
Exhaling slowly, you look at your fingernails, noticing the black paint you had chipped off sometime in the night. Black. You had insisted to Orlando that your fingers needed to be that colour, for although they weren’t a canvas, like the ones that Viggo painted, they were an extension of you. Every time you reach out to something, you touch it with black, spreading your sorrow. It is a reminder to the world that an unbreakable heart would be priceless because the pain you’re going through right now cuts your heart every minute that goes by without Billy by your side.
“Dom, where are you?” Orlando looks at you, asking, with a look of concern painted across his face.
“Sorry, got lost in my head again. I tend to do that when I think of him,” you answer painfully. You know you need to tell someone, explain so that maybe Billy will one day understand something he should already know.
“It’s OK, Dom,” Orlando says encouragingly. “But you really do need to let me know what happened. I’m tired of being in the dark.”
You begin digging through your scattered emotions and try as best as you can to make sense of all the things that led up to this moment. Feelings flood your brain and you pause before beginning, knowing there’s no more avoiding this confession. “It all began when Billy and I first started out, back in New Zealand. You remember, right?”
“How could I forget? You were talking about him for months. Between hearing about him and seeing him, I could barely stand anything that had to do with Billy,” Orlando joked lightly.
“Well, as we got closer to the time to go home after the initial shooting, we finally sat down and had to talk about what we were getting ourselves into. As you know, this was a new thing for us both, and I didn’t want to make him feel like he had to make a big commitment. We agreed that we didn’t want to ruin our friendship by taking this too seriously, so we decided to keep it simple, and leave our relationship open in case either of us found someone new,” you recite, trying to keep the trembling out of your voice. You would never have found someone new. Who could be better than Billy? In your heart, no one can even compare.
Memories run through your mind of that day. If ever you could trace all of the problems to a beginning, this would be the definitive moment when it started. If there was only a way to turn back the hands of time with the knowledge you have now. If you could return to a past minute for a single breath or heartbeat, with hindsight as always, 20/20, you know you would give anything to change it.
As you pause, the phone rings and you look at it curiously. Picking up the receiver, Orlando answers and then wordlessly gives the phone to you. You clear your throat and brush a stray tear off your face before you say, “Hello?”
You hear a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line and realize that your heartbeat echoes the rhythm of the breathing you hear in the receiver. Almost breathlessly, you manage to whisper, “Billy?”
Holding any form of connection to Billy made your already tenuous emotional state almost fall apart. Images flash in your mind like a collage of candid shots, moments of seeing Billy and never appreciating how beautiful he really was. Almost unbidden the series of flashes stop to one morning, so special because it was so ordinary. But it was the beginning, the start of your headlong fall into something deeper and greater than anything you could have ever imagined. It was the day you admitted that your greatest pain was also your utmost pleasure. You sold your soul willingly to the devil in disguise, hoping that somehow Billy would know that he was the only one who could save you.
You watch the early morning sunlight send small rays through the window shades. Before being with Billy you were never a morning person. But then one morning you had woken early for some insignificant reason that you can’t remember now, and been so taken aback by the sight that met your eyes that now you rouse yourself early for it. It was Billy. Sleeping. It makes your heart stop every time you see it.
Raising yourself to a slight reclining position, you slowly pull Billy down your chest a little to the broad part of your stomach so you can get a better view. His right arm is thrown recklessly over your chest and buried into the pillow you lean against. He warms the side of your body, and you can feel his chin rubbing softly against the edge of your chest. As usual, he’s lying on his stomach. Moving his right leg in between both of yours, he stretches his thigh above your right thigh and buries his calf underneath your left leg. The covers are thrown over him haphazardly, leaving you a great view of his back and you fill your eyes with the sight of him.
He sighs softly and you study his face, etching the little imperfections over and over again with your eyes, knowing that they are your favorite things about him. His soft hair is tousled from a combination of sleep and your fingers and his face is slightly flushed. He has a small smile on his face, and you hope that he’s dreaming of you and him together, and that that’s the reason why he looks so serene.
You know that you shouldn’t become used to this, that watching him is becoming an addiction, but you can’t stop. A part of you is screaming to look away, telling you that this is too much emotion and that the fluttering feeling in your stomach is hunger and not something else. You calmly tell that voice to shut up and that as long as Billy doesn’t know you’re watching him, you can continue.
Inhaling deeply you can smell the very essence of morning Billy. He mumbles a little at the movement of your stomach and moves closer to you as you suddenly become aware of every point that your bodies are touching. Focusing on his neck, you wish that you could bury your face in it and stay there forever. You feel his muscled arms hold you sleepily. You whisper, “I’m still here,” and you watch his contented smile get a little bigger.
Then, being notably awake, he firmly wraps his arms around you and pulls himself up to lie completely on top of you, aligning your bodies together perfectly. They always fit that way. His eyes open slightly and you see brilliant green in the sunlight. You wonder if there’s ever been anything more beautiful.
He asks, “Dommie, what are you doing awake?” in a voice still thick with sleep.
“Just waiting for you to wake up…watching you sleep a little, you’re so beautiful when you sleep Bills!” Although you say it in a joking tone, you know that you’ve never been more serious about anything. But you’re afraid to let him know how much you like watching him sleep, afraid to know how much you really like him. You’ve made a deal and you can’t go back on it.
Your thoughts are interrupted when you look up and realize Billy is now lightly kissing your collarbone, moving slightly against you while effectively pinning you down. He lets his tongue slide up the side of your neck and traces your jaw until he gets to your lips. With his eyes still closed, he murmurs, “Morning Dommie.” Softly touching his lips to yours, he pulls away to run his tongue across your bottom lip and bites down.
You feel him arms press the mattress down on either side of your head and realize he’s about to get up. As fast as you can in your dazed state, you pull his shoulders back down, catching him by surprise as his body falls back to meet yours and you lock your lips with his. Knowing he had gotten your attention, he grins while you kiss him. But you don’t care anymore because he opened his mouth slightly when he smiled and you thrust your tongue between his lips, hot and demanding before he can object.
He groans in response, but accepts you readily as your kiss becomes less eager and more passionate, knowing he’s not going anywhere. Even in the course of one night you realize how much you’ve missed his taste, missed him filling every part of you, infusing his presence into your body so you could never feel alone. Tenderly you run your fingers through his hair, stopping at the back of his neck while your other hand caresses down his side, then down his back as you mold his body to yours.
He shifts against you and you feel the familiar, yet oh so good feel of his erection coming dangerously close to yours. For some reason you feel the need to slow this down, feeling like you were gone longer in sleep than a usual night, and you want to savour every minute of this. You flip him over and pull the bed sheets down so you can see him. Your eyes travel down his body, taking in every inch of him, noting the movement underneath his thin grey boxers.
He looks up at you questioningly and you simply smile before moving between his calves and lowering your head down near his knee. You tickle his feet slightly before moving your hands to his knee. Knowing his weakness, you bend his leg enough so you can lick the back of it and apply just the right amount of suction to make him shiver. Licking two fingers you let them travel up his inner thigh, caressing below the hip bone before you move above his midsection, determined to worship his body from head to toe.
You straddle his stomach and look straight down into his brilliant eyes. The usual glistening color has darkened in lust to the color of the stormy sea and you’re determined to make them as dark as possible. You want to make him want all of you, and give it to him, telling him without words the emotions that you struggle to suppress every moment you’re near him.
In a moment of reckless abandon you gently caress his cheek and look straight into his eyes and say, “You really are beautiful,” with every sense of meaning you can muster. You know you shouldn’t say these things, you know you aren’t supposed to feel, but you hope he’ll dismiss it, or not understand, even though you know he knows you too well to do that.
Sliding seductively down his body, using your inner thighs to squeeze around his hip bones, making him thrust up as you roll over his aching cock, you tilt his head to the side, giving you a direct shot to his biggest weakness – his ears. First kissing behind his ear, you breathe deeply, exhaling wetly into his ear and sucking on his earlobe, biting down.
You feel him begin to squirm and move to trace his jaw line, feeling his head turning towards yours. His breath is hot against your cheek and when you look at him, he whimpers, “Please, more, need you.”
The words ignite a fire in you. He needs you. Right now you can pretend he needs you forever, not just now. Kissing him, you ravage his mouth, plunging your tongue in and exploring every bit of it. Your tongues twist together in a passionate battle, but you won’t back down and eventually he concedes. He twists his fingers into your hair as you move back to his collarbone, sucking softly against the bone until you reach the sweet skin directly below his throat. You want to mark him as yours, so just this once you suck a little harder, biting a little, leaving a small symbol of yourself on him.
Moving further down you gently let your hands brush over his nipples. Hearing a sharp intake in breath, you bend your fingers, scratching down his chest over the now-hard peaks. Leaning down you swipe your tongue over his left nipple before you suction your mouth to it, biting down occasionally until you feel his cock throb almost violently against your stomach. You move to his right nipple to give it similar treatment and by the time you’re done his hands have moved to the back of your arms, kneading into your skin while he moans incoherently.
You let your fingers trace down his abdomen, followed closely by your tongue, writing words that make his blood race, knowing that his heart is fluttering against his chest and that you will soon be closer than you have ever been before. Moving down to the waistband of his boxers, you tug at them with your teeth, pressing and pushing against his hips while he thrusts up so you can pull them down. Slowly you pull his boxers down to his thighs, letting your chin hit his rock hard cock.
Nuzzling your face in the soft hair underneath his belly button, you move to the side and lick down, pushing your tongue into the crevice where his upper leg meets his torso. You trace your fingers around his balls moving your hands around to grasp his upper thighs and control his upward thrusts. Your tongue trembles as you lick around the base of his cock and you massage his balls, making his cock jerk in the same rhythm.
Pursing your lips and letting the tension run out of your tongue you let your mouth wander the length of his cock. You drag your teeth lightly around the tip, getting closer and closer, until you brush over it. You let your fingers linger across his hipbones and you grip his length tenderly before making a couple of quick twist upstrokes. You watch as beads of pearly cum leak from the tip of his cock and lean down to suck them away. Reveling in the musky taste, you let your lips suction down his shaft until your face is buried in light brown curls rich in Billy’s scent.
Billy begins to writhe underneath your mouth as you tongue his balls and then swirl his cock in your mouth. Alternating between scraping your teeth gingerly across his length and allowing your lips to twist around the still-leaking tip, you run your fingers up and down his chest until he untwists one hand out of your hair and grabs one of yours. You begin to move faster, creating a consistent rhythm, his groaning music to your ears.
Reading his movements, knowing the signs that he’s getting close, you slow down and hear him make an almost painful noise. He looks down at you and you see that his eyes are flashing fire. His breath is shaking and for a moment you feel a rush of power and desire and something else that you can’t quite contain. The next thing you know your lips are pressed against his ear and you say in a rush, “Take all of me. Please Billy, I need to feel you,” before you even process the words.
He looks up at you, his eyes reflecting his confusion at your passionate statement, but desire fights it and he pulls you down to him, taking control. Flipping you over, he rips your boxers down and presses his body against you with as much pressure as his shaking body can manage. He looks at you and you see that he is struggling briefly to maintain some semblance of calm. He manages to ask, “Are you sure?”
You kiss his breath away as an answer. Running your hands down his sweaty back, you move your attentions to his shoulder, licking and tasting salt, Billy, and heaven. He moves against you and sits up slightly. Looking up at him you think you might just come with the vision before you. He is flushed, trembling and as you stare into his eyes you realize they look almost black with desire. Leaning towards the bedside table, you open a drawer and pull out a small bottle of baby oil. Silently handing it to Billy, he takes it, but also keeps a hold of your hand.
Together you both open the bottle of oil and smear it across his pulsating cock. Your cock quivers in an answering anticipation. Billy pours some oil into his hands and rubs the oil up and down his fingers. You lock your ankles behind his waist and stare at his luscious neck, trying to relax. He breathlessly says your name and you look up, again becoming mesmerized by his warm gaze. Your vision is shrouded in passion, but his eyes somehow penetrate the darkness and you become lost in a sea of emerald. He leans down to you and kisses you gently just as you feel a slick warm finger pressed against your opening.
You feel a building pressure until suddenly his finger is inside of you. Momentarily, you have a hot, painful sensation. Then he slowly moves his finger deeper inside of you, twisting and curling it until for almost no reason at all your body convulses and you gasp. He looks at you before curling his finger again. Blood rushes through your veins at a maddening pace. You feel your heart fluttering in your chest and you’re lightheaded with pleasure. You realize he has managed to put three fingers inside of you and he’s moving them, all while caressing you softly.
When he pulls his fingers out you surprise yourself and groan in response. He angles downwards a bit and you feel a slick, hot, hard something pressing at your entrance. The pressure builds again and you try to relax even though you feel an almost painful tearing and then, in the space of a breath, he is buried deep inside of you and you have lost all coherent train of thought.
He stays still, chest against yours, head in your neck, gasping for air. You hear, “So good, tight, hot…never thought it could be this good.”
You move to kiss him and feel him withdraw out of you a little. With a whimper, you clamp your legs around him right as he pushes back in, ever so gently. He asks breathlessly, “OK Dom?”
You pull him closer in response and moan, “God yes Billy. Harder. Need more.”
He begins to thrust inside of you erratically. His slick cock sends fire into your nerve endings and your skin tingles while you gulp down air and thrust up to meet him every time he moves away. He pushes down a little and comes in at a different angle and suddenly you stiffen. Opening your eyes you see flashing red lights that simply darken when you close them. All you can hear is the mad sound of your heart pounding, and you wonder if it has escaped your chest. He pulls away and thrusts, hitting your prostrate again and again.
You open your eyes with one thought; seeing Billy in the grips of passion. His hair is plastered down in sweat and his face is slack with pleasure. His body is tense on top of yours and every time he pushes in and you take all of him completely he sucks in his bottom lip. “Open your eyes, Billy,” you say, without even realizing it.
With seemingly great effort, his eyes meet yours, glazed in desire. Staring into his eyes you see he is losing his battle for control and that he is close to coming. Abruptly his still slick hand grasps your cock and begins to stroke yours in time with his thrusts. You push upward into his fist while he continues to push into you and the combined effect makes you almost scream. The pit of your stomach begins to burn and the tingling sensation in the back of your head grows as you feel your legs almost begin to go numb. You come hot and heavy, squirting cum up your sweaty chest and your whole body quivers as you yell his name.
Billy pauses for a split second and thrusts into you one last time before convulsing above you. Somewhere deep inside of you, you feel hot liquid running into your blood, making Billy an eternal part of you, branding his and only his signature into your soul. He abruptly falls onto your chest, breathing unsteadily and shaking with the aftereffects. When he pulls out you feel almost incomplete and softly sigh, trying to calm your own breathing. You hear him mumble something and turn to look at him asking, “Mmm…what?”
He smiles at you and if your head wasn’t feeling quite so hazy, you could almost imagine a look of deep affection flitting across his features. He has an almost strange look in his eyes, and shakes his head as if to deny saying anything at all before finally speaking, “I said that I should try to go to the bathroom more often right after you wake me up in the morning.” He nuzzles under your shoulder and pulls you close. He really would never know that while he had just had sex, you had made love.
BILLY POV
At the sound of his voice you nearly lose it. A hand squeezes yours and you remember that you have to be strong, you knew this was going to happen at some point. You realize that you’re giving your phone the death grip, hoping on some level that you’ll break it before you have to say anything. Taking a deep breath, you know you can’t avoid it any longer. “Yes, it’s me,” you answer quietly.
Silence greets your answer. You can picture him, probably sitting at the kitchen table with a beer, tracing the scratch mark on the table with a polished hand. No, you can’t stand to think about it. You think to yourself, no, I obviously don’t know him that well, he’s probably there with someone, redecorating and moving on, just like he seems to do so well.
You hear a slight sniffle, and realize he’s probably wondering what in the world you’re doing calling him. Quickly you say, “I need some of the stuff I left there, some notes and things for the reshoots, could you please tell Orlando to send them to me?”
“Sure,” he answers shortly. “What other things do you need?”
You can’t bear to listen to his voice any longer. Even before you had started your relationship, Dom always sounded so full of life, full of emotion. Now, his voice is hesitant and listless and sounds foreign to your ears. The coldness that replaced what used to be in his voice, what you used to think was love, kills you. Briefly you think that maybe it’s because of you that he sounds this way, before an even stronger voice in your head states that you had all rights to leave that day and that you can’t let him get the better of you.
“Can you let me talk to Orlando? I can tell him where the papers are, I don’t want to trouble you.” You’re surprised at the coldness of your own voice, since all you were hoping for was to make sure it didn’t tremble with the last line.
“Billy, it’s no…” he starts to say, before you cut him off. Hearing your name escape from his lips is too much. “Don’t worry about it, come to think of it, I can get copies elsewhere. Bye,” you say and hang up with your heart hammering and tears in your eyes. Looking up you stare into bright blue eyes that reproach you slightly, though you know they understand.
“Sorry Lij, it was the best I could do for now,” you say, trying to explain what just happened. “I wouldn’t have called so soon, but I actually need those papers. I can’t believe we have to be back in New Zealand in two weeks, but most of the new shots aren’t going to have me and Dom together luckily. I don’t want to see him! I can’t see him. So this will be OK, right? Peter doesn’t know and the rest of the guys will understand. This isn’t going to be a problem…” your voice trails off and you realize that you’re really talking to yourself, assuring yourself.
“It’s OK. Everyone will understand. Billy, you want to go for a walk now?” Elijah answers, trying to assure you. Smiling with some effort and trying to look encouraging, hands you a coat and repeats for probably the millionth time, “It’ll be alright.”
You want to ask him if he thinks you hurt him with what just happened. You want to ask Lij if you were wrong. You want to tell him how much Dom hurt you. In your mind, you realize for the first time you’ve said his name. Dom. More affectionately known as your Dommie, but not anymore.
Not anymore, and not ever again.
Ignore my roommate, please :o)
I'm glad the characterization is getting through. Sometimes while I'm writing this I'm so tempted to just tell the little Billy and Dom in my head to stop being so stupid and have make-up sex already. Now, if only I could fit that into the story...:o)
And I have actually started a Seanlijah. It was more of a challenge and request for some good dirty smut and I'm keeping it on the side as I write this. I'm a bit nervous about posting it since it's so very pornesque, but if you'd like, maybe I will.
Thank you so much for commenting and reading, it really does mean a lot to me! :o)
I know you didn't.
You know that if it wasn't for me and my drinking abilities you would so not have anything to do at night. Never ignore the P.
Re: I know you didn't.
we'll only ignore you when you block us out
like you always dowe
hatesloves you.Re: I know you didn't.
Like, what's wring with being nocturnal. I mean all that means is that if we were to say fly to Japan right now there would be no jet lag. Or if we flew to the UK perhaps it would be minimal.
Re: I know you didn't.
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
Let's see - work hard all day and watch crap TV every night OR get to read and beta hot slash.....hum, no contest :-)
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
*boink* You've been friended big time
Stella
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)
Re: Ignore my roommate, please :o)