FIC: Broken Smile (Domlijah)

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Title: Broken Smile
Authors: Kayte (starshine2788) and Darcy (dmbdragonfly)
Pairing: Domlijah
Rating: R for some major F-bombs
Summary: Alright, you know the song "She Will Be Loved" by maroon5? (If you don't know it, GET IT. It's lovely.) Anyways, Kayte and I were listening to it, and we decided that minus the "she" part (or not, whatever your kink is), this song is so perfectly Domlijah. Or Domleejah. <3 So, it's not really a song fic at all. Just... integrated lyrics. Anyways... as you were. :)



How had it ever come to this? The weary-eyed Elijah couldn't answer himself; he couldn't bear to. He had gone from having his heart firm on his sleeve and his neck stuck out- well. That wasn't an option, not anymore, not after this turning himself around along with the toilet flush, not after he grew up fast and his famous eyes got less wide with the cynicism that began to dull him. There had been girls, there had been guys, there had been drunken stands- and he always felt like trash. Just worthless, worthless. And every time, Dom had picked up; that comforting accent had answered the phone. And within two rings. Like he knew it was going to simply be Elijah, with his croaky cigarette voice. Like Dom knew, he always knew, always. No matter whose house Elijah, with a headache and a hangover, had sneaked out of to get back to the trailers in the morning. Dom would always pick up; maybe that's why Elijah would always call.

In a notorious New Zealand downpour, Dom was driving around aimlessly in his old, rickety car, not exactly sure of his destination. In the back of his mind, he ultimately knew where he would end up... but he didn’t really want to admit that to himself, since his relationship with the younger man who dwelled at said destination had always been as unreliable as his rickety car. No, unreliable is such a harsh word... But it was like Elijah *knew* what Dom was thinking at all times, he always knew exactly what to say, and it always killed them both to see such hurt in each other’s blue eyes. Blue eyes that were as different as night and day; Elijah’s, a bright, oceanic blue, and Dominic’s, a smokier, hazier blue... No, it was easier to drive nonchalantly through the streets of New Zealand, pretending not to know where he was going, and somehow ending up at Elijah’s. It was like feeding an addiction almost as life-threatening as Lij’s stupid cigarette habit, Dom chided himself. Or even one as lame as Elijah’s nail-biting. Whichever the extreme, Dom’s better instincts were against it. Even after all the times that he had meaninglessly had Elijah, he still craved more. Something with more substance.

Dom sat, brooding although he didn't like to admit it, in his car, the rain beating down and drowning out all the sounds except for his thoughts. The rain could never get inside his head. Not like Elijah; 'Lij, who was distracted when he got excited, whose voice would crack when he shouted too loud, whose smile was as sudden and complete as his laughter. Dom furrowed his eyebrows. No, that couldn't be right, because if it was he wouldn't be sitting in a beat-up old lemon in a rainstorm in the middle of a makeshift trailer park. That was how Elijah *used* to be- before he shifted inside of himself, before he lost track of the time, back when anything had made him laugh. Dom knew it was impossible to get near Elijah. He was as carefully guarded as someone whose secrets could kill if they were let out. And how did Dom know they wouldn't? He sighed and turned the key in the ignition, and the engine sputtered and died. Half of Dom was tugging at his sleeve like an incessant child, wanting to drag him up the metal stoop of Elijah's trailer; the other half had glued Dom's hands to the steering wheel and he sat rigidly, trying to decide if it would be worse to burst in on Lij, or sit here the night through, wondering what would happen if he did. He imagined the tremulous, shattered curling of Elijah's lips that was nothing like it used to be. It was almost more than he could bear, and his hands was frozen like skin to metal in the cold, just like that image of Elijah and his broken smile.

Getting the better of his decision to stay and simply watch the warm glow of Elijah’s little trailer, Dom sighed and heaved himself from out of his car... not like it was traveling anywhere any time soon. Feeling the cool rain beat against his blunt features and tousled hair, he slowly made his way toward Elijah’s trailer, feeling like a prowler in the dark. At first, he watched the lights dance against the wall through one of the windows from a television that had been carelessly left on. That was just like Elijah, Dom smiled to himself, running a hand through his rain-soaked hair. He figured that Elijah was either in the loo, or more likely, passed out on the couch. He stood on tip toes, peering in. Sure enough, there was Elijah, asleep on the couch, his hand gently clutching the remote control against his middle as it moved slightly up and down with his breathing. Before he could even consciously make the decision not to, Dom gave a little tap on the flimsy window. Elijah stirred instantly, causing Dom to immediately duck.

Bad move, Monaghan.

But what’s this? No noise from within the trailer, and Dom felt brave enough to creep up the metal stoop and knock on the front door. Knock, knock, knock. Always three knocks. Movement from within the trailer, and then, like clockwork, a door opening in Dom’s face... revealing the face of Elijah Wood, looking somewhere between happy, surprised, and scared. They stared at each other, and Dom offered an embarrassed smile.

"Hm?" Elijah acknowledged, looking intrigued.

"Yeah..." Dom muttered, his eyes trailing down to the rain spattering off of the harsh metal stoop.

And Elijah said nothing as he placed a small hand on Dom’s rain-clad shoulder. He sighed, and looked around the yard. "Your car busted again?"

Dom nodded in reply.

"Let’s go," Lij commanded, his hand drifting down to Dom’s hand as he pulled him toward his own little car. They got inside the vehicle, and Elijah turned the key in the ignition.

Dom kept stealing sidelong glances at Elijah, noticing a single raindrop hanging off the tip of his nose. Dom noticed that being clad in rain was a good look for Elijah. "Thanks," Dom mumbled, stealing another glance. He cleared his throat. "You know, you look pretty good with that... rain."

"Nah," Lij laughed, brushing the compliment off like a duck in a rainstorm. He started to drive. "I never look good. ‘S a curse or something."

"Are you kidding?" Dom asked in disbelief. "You’re fucking beautiful, man."

Elijah stared straight ahead. "You don’t have to do this, Dom. You don’t owe me anything."

"I want to make you feel beautiful," Dom insisted softly.

"Beautiful," Elijah repeated dully, shifting gears. "Why the fuck do you have to say beautiful? Not hot, not sexy, not cute. Beautiful."

"Yeah," Dom said quietly, unable to say anything else, while his brain shouted at him to *think*, to be eloquent for once in his goddamn life. "Yeah," he repeated the word, lamely. Elijah did not look over at him, even though he could feel the command tear its way through his skull and bury into Elijah's, and it was almost as frustrating to Dom as just sitting in his run-down car had been. An eternity of a stoplight passed, passing unnecessarily fast from yellow to red.

"What do you want from me?" Elijah said somewhere in between the neon green and the red which lit the windshield like a beacon, casting pink onto his face. He was defeated, and Dom had to stop himself from leaning over, burying his face in that rumpled shirt, and hold on for dear life.

"A chance," he blurted out, before he could stop himself.

"A chance," Elijah asked, leaving off the question mark as he was prone to do.

"Yeah," Dom mumbled feebly, for the thousandth time that second.

"Nothing's perfect," Elijah said, letting up the clutch at green suddenly changed the interior of his car, clattering like a busy sewing machine, to unnatural spring. "I'm not perfect. It's not all butterflies and rainbows, its- look, there's a lot going on with me. I can't really- I can't do anything right now." He shifted hard and the car gnashed its gears in protest.

"I'm not going anywhere," Dom said, not really hearing himself, eyes somewhere to the right of the windshield, flicking with the wiper's blade. "I'm always here; if you want to ever stay." He fell quiet, and the silence sat there between them, waiting with bated breath.

"How come you've always picked up the phone?" Elijah finally asked him, complete with a question mark, voice small in the sudden vastness of the car.

"I wanted you to know you could come to me any time you wanted. The offer still stands," Dom explained, and this time he tore his gaze from the water-drenched windshield and let it fall like rain onto Elijah. And Elijah looked right back, still driving across to Dom's trailer. It had never seemed to take so long before- Dom wondered how long it would last.

"Whatever," Elijah muttered, hiding inside himself even more than Dom had ever seen him do. He had his shoulders hunched, his neck bent down, and he was slouching in his seat, almost blending in with the tan interior of the car with that god damn tan jacket of his.

"Whatever?" Dom countered, suddenly feeling a temporary wave of confidence rush over him. "Whatever? Yeah, okay, Lij. You know, you’re not fooling anyone, especially me. I know everything about you, man... and what I don’t know, I try my fucking hardest to learn. Who else does that for you, Lij? Who else fucking spends the time that I do to just KNOW you? Because I’d like to know."

Elijah stopped the car and jammed his fists into his eyes, hiding inside himself even *more*. "Just cut it out, Dom," he said, apparently choking back some tears. "Fuck you, okay?"

"No," Dom growled, turning to face the younger man. "Look, you’re fucking hiding, and I know exactly where you are, Elijah. You sit in this god damn car all by yourself, smoking your cloves, thinking the whole world is passing you by... Christ, it’s frustrating to just sit back and watch, you know? I know everything that makes you who you are, and I fucking love it. You can say goodbye to me and let me out of this god damn smokey car, but it won’t mean anything, Lij. It’ll mean shit."

"What the hell do you mean?" Elijah peeked out from his hole.

"Because I’m always going to catch you when you fall," Dom told him, daring to put a hand on his little shoulder. "Every time."

Something normal. Dom snorted quietly to himself, eyes fixed out the passenger window. He missed Elijah's glance at him, but he felt it, and fought a smile and fought tears harder. What was normal anymore? Sitting in Elijah's car, driving across some lot to Dom's trailer, fighting about this…thing going on between them; it was fucking-

"Insane," Elijah murmured, eyes looking out at the road, but glassy and far away. Dom wondered if anyone was home, and the thought nearly killed him.

"What was that?"

"You, me. We're crazy, Dommers," and Dom smiled to hear the nickname, "We're just crazy."

"Not a bad thing, always," Dom said lightly, and Elijah laughed wanly. And with that Dom had enough. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Lighe? No, I mean it- what are you *doin'*?"

"I don't know," Elijah said then, his voice high and miserable, and Dom knew he was going to cry. Elijah was going to cry, and Dom was going to cry, and they were going to steam the windows of the god-awful car in the wrong way. "I don't know, Dom, I don't know, I'm so- oh, here, your trailer-" and Elijah slammed on the breaks. Dom threw an arm out instinctually and caught him from flying forward.

"Cigarettes, seatbelt, fingernails," Dom touched his three longest fingers, a mock smile on his face, unwillingly opening the door. "You're adding bad habits by the day." He stood up and his hair was plastered to his head in less than a blink, the rain torrential. Elijah stared at him, and Dom saw for a moment the old Elijah, who laughed at Billy's dirty jokes and couldn't understand Bean for the life of him, declaring so to anyone who would sit still and listen. An Elijah who would call him on the phone every hour of every day for all his life. And wasn't that worth something, Dom thought fiercely, angry on Elijah's behalf. When did he stop fighting?

"See you tomorrow, then," as Elijah leaned across the passenger seat to shut Dom's door; and there was a quiet message in his voice, one that didn't need words. The misery of the moment that wrapped around Elijah like all his loose, rumpled, slept-in clothing was beyond Dom's capacity to handle.

"Do you want to stay a while, Lighe?" he blurted out, loud and rushed and breathy. Elijah's face flickered, and his eyes brightened, his shoulders lifted. The words hung between them, in the space between two hands. The rain was suddenly not so bitter when Elijah opened his mouth and said, "Thanks, Dom."

Dom reached down, grabbed Elijah's hand, and pulled him across the seats to him, dragging him up and out of the car. Elijah looked surprised for a moment, but recovered. Dom's sneakers squelched when he shifted his weight. "Maybe we should go in?"

"Yeah." This time, it was not an unpleasant assent. Dom turned, fumbled for his keys, and the lock turned in the aluminum door with a slick hiss of metal over metal with grease between. "The rain looks nice on you, Lij, I meant it," Dom is not sure why he said it.

"It looks better on you," he replied, grinning honest and healing with eyes all wide, brushing past Dom and into the darkness of the chilly trailer, and Elijah was so open you could look into his eyes and see straight down to his heart.

And Dom did, shutting the door and leaving the wet corner behind them.