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fellowshippers2004-02-20 09:52 pm
arabia764.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-02-20 09:52 pm
(no subject)
Title: Before I Fall Any Deeper
Author: Arabia
Pairing Orli/Elijah
Rating: N17
Summary: Elijah can't quite believe what's happening and doesn't want to let go.
Many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
grievous_angel, the world’s best beta and friend.
Before I fall...
Before I Fall Any Deeper
“Right, that’s everything in the car except this last bag.” Orlando hesitated, his body taut as he leaned against the bedroom door. “You sure you don’t just want me to go now?”
“No. Stay.” Elijah watched him from the other side of the room.
“Okay, if you’re sure this is what you want.” Orli dropped the bag just outside the door and then turned, his hands already working on the first button of his shirt.
“Let me do that,” Elijah’s voice came out sharper than he had intended. “Please.”
Orli shook his head, confused, but with a half smile playing at his lips, as Elijah crossed the room towards him. Small hands went up, hesitated briefly, then rested lightly on Orli’s chest, the fingers splaying out to trace patterns before Elijah looked up and smiled. “Let me,” he said again and started to unbutton Orli’s shirt.
Carefully each one was slipped out of its hole and then the fabric was pushed off Orli’s shoulders till it hung behind him, caught at the wrist and waist. Elijah ran his fingertips up over Orli’s skin, tracing intricate inter-woven patterns, working up to his Adam’s apple, scratching across the stubble.
Without warning Elijah’s head dipped forward and his tongue flicked quickly into the hollow at the base of Orli’s throat before it was gone again, back into the warmth of his mouth. Then his fingers were moving again, down Orli’s chest to linger on his nipples. Fingers ran over the denser flesh as his thumbs explored the design of Orli’s ribs.
As Orli looked down he couldn’t see Elijah’s eyes, only the mop of dark hair – still a little too short for his liking -- the angle of a cheekbone and the tip of a tongue caught between sharp teeth. But he knew that face well enough to read the concentration and determination in it. “You want me,” he said and it was a statement not a question.
Elijah’s eyes flicked up but he stayed silent. His hands moved down to Orli’s waistband.
“Let’s move to the bed.” Even to his own ears the need in Orli’s voice was palpable.
He thought Elijah either hadn’t heard or didn’t want to hear as skilful fingers ran just under the elastic of his boxers where they stood proud of his jeans, fingertips kneading at his skin. Elijah’s thumbs rested on the top button of Orli’s flies for a moment before they were flicked open with practiced ease.
Slowly, carefully, Elijah unhooked each button, pulling the fabric open as he did so, the pads of his fingers skimming over the ridge of Orli’s cock. The touch was too light, too slow, and Orli’s hips automatically pushed up for more.
Elijah took his time till there was nothing to hold the jeans in place except the sharp curve of Orli’s hips, too small for the over large jeans and they puddled to the floor. He looked up at Orli standing in his freshly laundered boxers, hands held captive by the flamboyant shirt caught on his wrists, the look of pure lust in his eyes. He looked up and didn’t understand.
Elijah reached out and ran the flat of his open hand across the broad plain of Orli’s chest, down around his navel, then up again over his shoulder to trace down his back. Orli twisted as Elijah circled round him, wanting to watch all he did. “Keep still,” Elijah hissed, pushing Orli’s head back to face forward.
Elijah freed one trapped hand from the shirt as he passed then, standing behind Orli, ran his palm up and around Orli’s neck, his fingers digging deep into the tendons as Orli dropped his head forward. Slowly he traced the outline of each shoulder blade, moulding his fingers to the shape of their curve, before running down the hard ridge of Orli’s spine. Each bump was carefully pressed, each memorised.
When Orli looked up he could see both their figures reflected in the mirror on the opposite wall, Elijah’s eyes were almost as dark as his own, but there was something else to be read in his face. Orli wasn’t quite sure what it was. “Bed now, come on man,” he hissed, the breath scarping over his teeth.
Again he was ignored.
But Orli understood. Now it was Elijah’s time.
Leisurely Elijah’s thumbs moved from the hollow at the small of Orli’s back, hooking under the waistband of his boxers. Again he traced intricate patterns on the tight skin on Orli’s hips. Up down, in out, flower shapes that teased and tested Orli’s nerves, making his breath catch in his chest. Then the elastic was caught and lifted as the boxers were eased down.
For a moment Orli’s cock caught, the over sensitive tip pressed into the harsh cotton, and bent slightly before it sprang free releasing Orli’s breath with it. Elijah slid the boxers down till they were tangled with the jeans around Orli’s ankles then he stood back, not touching, looking at all the flesh before him.
Suddenly he moved forward, his cheek on Orli’s back, pushing his face fiercely into the flesh, his breath puffing out above the scar. Orli twisted again, trying to see Elijah’s face.
“’Lijah?” he asked softly.
All was still for a moment then Elijah stood up, turning away, hiding his eyes from Orli. “Bed,” he growled. “Now.”
*********************************************************************
Elijah sat in a quiet corner, head down, eyes fixed unseeingly on the carpet, surrounded in a ball of unhappiness, every atom of his body screaming to be left alone. Publicity people and assistants had heeded the signals and stayed away but Billy looked at the strain running along Elijah’s back, etched on his face, and thought he should do differently.
“Hiya mate,” he said neutrally. “Fancy some company?”
Elijah looked up and Billy had to stifle his reaction as he saw the pain in Elijah’s eyes. “You’re welcome to sit here but I don’t think I’m much fun at the moment.” Even now Elijah’s innate good manners prevented him from telling Billy to fuck off.
Billy took it as a sign that he should stay.
Settling himself in a chair close to Elijah’s Billy noticed the dark circles under Elijah’s eyes and, more worrying still, his immobility. Elijah never stopped biting at those poor nails or fidgeting, but now his hands lay unmoving in his lap.
How to handle this? Billy decided on the direct approach. “What’s up?”
Elijah just looked confused, unaware.
“Shall I go and find Sean? He’s around somewhere, doing more than his fair share of interviews if I know him.”
This at least provoked a reaction from Elijah. But not quite the one Billy had expected. “Christ no, please. I don’t want to talk to him right now…” He tailed off and Billy waited. “He won’t say anything, but it’ll be there, ‘I told you so.’”
“Do you want to talk to me?” Billy asked.
Elijah’s eyes went to Billy’s, he saw a genuine desire to help and a lack of judgement, just a willingness to be his friend. He nodded.
Only now he didn’t know where to start. Billy realised it almost before he did and stepped in. “Where’s Orlando?” It was only meant as a quick question, a way to get Elijah talking.
For a brief, brief moment Elijah closed his eyes as his whole face scrunched up in an effort to stay in control. Then he was back and, although he couldn’t quite manage to look at Billy, he could speak. “He’s gone, went yesterday.”
“Off to star in some other epic, is he? Be gone for months? Is that what’s wrong?” Billy knew he was asking too many questions but Elijah wasn’t giving much away.
Elijah looked up, his face so pale as to be unreal. “You don’t understand. He’s gone, we packed all his things and,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “He’s gone.”
*********************************************************************
“’Lijah, scoot round so that I can reach,” Orli huffed out between breaths. “I wanna blow you at the same time.”
Elijah looked up and let the swollen cock slip obscenely from his lips. “No.” And that was it, no discussion. His eyes flickered over Orli’s flushed face once more and then he bowed his head again, lifted the cock to his lips and sucked it in with a slowness that turned Orli’s spine to mush.
*********************************************************************
“Oh Elijah,” Billy couldn’t control his reaction this time. Instinctively he leaned over and pulled Elijah to him, his arms reaching round to rub and hold Elijah as close as he could. For a while Elijah just let himself go, trembling in the comfort of Billy’s body.
But this wouldn’t do, couldn’t do. He couldn’t give in to it because from that route there was no way back.
Elijah took a deep breath and sat up, gently extricating himself from the soothing arms. Billy watched as Elijah built his control once more, putting on his calm, professional face and straightening his shoulders. It was fragile, control no stronger than rice paper on the bottom of a fortune cookie, but it was there.
“What happened?” Billy asked.
“We talked,” Elijah gave almost a snort of derisive laughter, “Again. And…” He looked over at Billy, the words suddenly coming out in a rush, like water cascading from a broken dam. “He wants to fly Billy, god he wants so much. He knows what he is and what he wants and he’s determined to make the most of things while he can. He wants to be the new Tom Cruise, a heartthrob loved by millions. He wants to be on thousands of teenage walls with his face outside movie theatres across the world. Maybe no Oscars, but fame and fortune and the hearts of Middle America and…” His eyes darkened with the shadow of sadness. “You can’t do that with a boyfriend, even one who doesn’t need declarations of love on prime time television.”
“Oh Elijah,” Billy said again, only too aware of how ineffective a reply it was. He shook his head, trying to clear the desire to clutch at Elijah again and hold him tight, telling him things would be all right. But he didn’t want to lie. “You mean he doesn’t want to see you anymore? Even with all you two had going.”
Elijah smiled, a broken, twisted smile. “Oh he’ll see me, once in a while. As long as it’s somewhere secret, with no chance of our being recognised, and we stay indoors.”
“That’s something,” Billy said uncertainly. It didn’t seem like much to him.
Elijah’s head came up, fire back in his eyes. “I can’t do it Billy, I won’t. I can’t bear him to leave over and over again. To lose him over and over.”
“But things might change, when he sees you.” Billy knew he was clutching at straws, his whole argument wasn’t right, but if they couldn’t last, who could?
“I can’t,” Elijah’s voice came out as a broken whisper, the anger gone. “If I don’t see him I might not have the highs but at least I’m spared the god awful lows.”
“You told him that?”
Elijah looked away, stretching his legs out then pulling them in again quickly and tucking one foot under the other leg. Trying to hold himself in. “Not exactly.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I kinda let him think it was pride but,” he blew out a long breath. “I have to protect myself, I can’t keep opening up the wound again.”
“Is it that bad?” Billy asked although he knew the answer.
Elijah’s smile was ironic. “What do you think?”
*********************************************************************
A gentle push, an easy slide, a perfect fit.
Elijah pushed lightly against Orli’s thigh, hooking it higher up on his arm where he could ease it further out. He needed to see Orli’s face, couldn’t have a leg or a knee getting in the way, as he held his cock still, buried to the hilt inside Orli’s body.
Looking down he watched as Orli’s eyes fluttered but remained still, his head arching further back against the pillow, his breath huffing out as a sigh. Still Elijah held fast, the muscles in his arms and thighs starting to tremble in protest, but he needed time, time to feel the steely, velvet grip around his cock.
Orli wriggled slightly, trying to push his hips upwards in encouragement. “Come on baby, move,” he whispered.
The endearment hit Elijah harder than any bolt of lighting. So unusual, so unnecessary, so inappropriate and spiteful in the circumstances.
Suddenly he pulled all the way out, the tip of his cock just resting against the ring of muscle, and then cracked his hips, pushing in till flesh smacked against flesh. Orli shuddered, a wail escaping as his back flexed, pulling his hips away from the intrusion.
But Elijah wasn’t going to stop now, wasn’t going to make it easy for Orli. He steadied his arms and lowered his head to lick at Orli’s chin, making him look up and at Elijah. He didn’t want it to be easy for Orli.
Easy for Orli to leave him.
Elijah wanted it all; wanted to possess, control… remember. But if he couldn’t have that then he wanted to break something.
Snapping his hips he drove into Orli, hard and fast, just the way Orli liked it. Only harder, faster, more demanding. Even after Orli came he kept going; wanting Orli to break, to need it… to realise what he was walking away from.
But it was Elijah who broke.
A hand slipped, an elbow buckled, and Elijah fell onto Orli, his face ending up pressed against sweat damp skin. From the safety of his hiding place his control shattered, even as he tried to fight it, and a sob escaped his lips only to be caught again in the folds of Orli’s shoulder.
A single sob as his body cheated him of any more time, any more pleasure.
Elijah came.
He came with one mighty rush; too fast, too hard, too final.
*********************************************************************
“Is it that bad?” Billy asked although he knew the answer.
Elijah’s smile was ironic. “What do you think?”
“Oh Elijah.” Billy realised it was becoming almost like a mantra but what else was there to say?
“Yeah, oh Elijah indeed,” Elijah said softly then glanced over at Billy again. “Is it bad? It’s bad enough that I want to scream and scream because my guts are twisted into such tight knots that I think I’m gonna throw up. So bad that I ache all over and I want to rip my skin off because there’s this itch I can’t reach. I can’t reach it because he left me… He left me Billy,” Elijah shook his head, his eyes full of a mixture of anger and pain.
The unthinkable had already happened.
“He fucking left me and there’s nothing I can do about it. I still can’t quite get my head round that idea. I really thought we were in it for… the long haul.”
Billy fidgeted, knowing he was out of his depth, Astin would have been better at this. Shit, anyone would have been better. Elijah’s pain was so raw and close to the surface.
But Elijah had decided to talk to him and he wouldn’t let him down. “But surely Orli’ll realise what…” Billy came to a stop, knowing he was clutching at straws.
“What he’s missing?” Elijah shook his head. “He came back for one last time yesterday, to collect his things, and… I can’t explain how good it felt seeing him again. But it just brought it all home to me, when he talked about what’s happening to him, his smile was so wide, his eyes sparkled so bright, he says he’s right on track.” His voice fell to a whisper. “And I can’t compete with that.”
“You shouldn’t have to compete with anything, you’re more than enough for anyone,” Billy said.
Elijah looked him straight in the eye, “Except Orli.”
And Billy didn’t know what to say.
In the end it was Elijah who took pity on him. “Don’t worry, I’ll manage. I’m a survivor, and I suppose I’ll survive this. I made it here today, didn’t I?”
*********************************************************************
Elijah rested back against the bed, head and shoulders slightly lifted by the rise of the pillows and the edge of the headboard. Orli lay between his parted thighs, his head resting on Elijah’s rib cage, one arm caught between their bodies the other flung casually over Elijah’s hip.
All was still except for the hardly noticeable rise and fall of Elijah’s chest. If it wasn’t for the movement of his hand, Orli might have thought Elijah was asleep instead of staring into space.
But Elijah was very well aware of where he was and what was happening. He was looking at their reflections in the mirror, watching as his hand trailed through Orli’s hair. He twisted the strands between his fingers then let them flow free as he gently pulled his hand away, only to repeat the movement again and again.
“I think I should go now,” Orli said without moving.
Elijah stayed silent; his only reaction was to lift a section of Orli’s hair closer to his face so he could inhale its scent.
*********************************************************************
“But why don’t you tell him how you really feel?” Billy asked.
“What and hold him back? I can’t do that, eventually he’d come to resent me and then I couldn’t even be his friend.”
“Can you now?”
Elijah chewed at his lip, a little muscle close to his eye twitching repeatedly. “Maybe not right now, it all hurts too much. Just to see him…” he caught an escaping sigh. “But maybe later, when it’s not so bad.”
“So you won’t see him?”
“Can’t,” and there was the first hint of his control breaking.
“Elijah.” This time Billy wasn’t offering sympathy or compassion. His voice just contained support.
And this time when Elijah looked up Billy saw there were tears as well as pain at the back of his eyes. “I can’t Billy, if I see him it’ll start again and then he’ll leave me again and then,” his voice dropped so Billy could only just hear it. “And then I’ll break.”
Billy reached over and took Elijah’s hands in his, tugging on them slightly till the other man looked up. “I won’t let you break.”
*********************************************************************
Elijah rested back against the pillows, the white rumpled sheet caught over one hip, unmoving. What was there to move for?
Orlando did up the last button on his shirt, ran his hands back through his hair, and then reached for his bag, swinging it easily onto a shoulder. He turned and looked over towards the bed, his eyes running up Elijah’s body to settle on his face, something resembling a half smile on his lips. “I’ll see you then, probably at the next premier or awards ceremony.”
Elijah stayed silent. What was there to say?
“I will see you, won’t I?” The half smile faded for a moment and then Orlando’s confidence won over. “Yeah, I’ll see you,” and he turned and was gone.
Elijah stood at the window, careless of his nakedness, and watched as Orli drove away.
*********************************************************************
“Don’t let me fall again Billy, please.” Elijah’s voice was low, frightened.
“I won’t. I’m your friend and I’ll be here whenever you need me.” And Billy meant every word of it.
He patted the back of Elijah’s head before smiling, anxious to break the spell of despair. “Now what we need to do is say, ‘Sod it,’ to the press and go get pissed. Then you can say, ‘Fuck you,’ to Mr Orlando Bloom and find someone who’s worthy of you. I’ll even vet them before you get too close, make sure they’re not going to become superstars overnight. What do you think?”
“Yeah, why not?” Elijah tried to smile. His eyes clinging onto Billy’s face, his fingers twisted into Billy’s sleeve.
Holding on for dear life.
“I’ll ring Dom, he’s around here somewhere. He’ll cheer you up, be there for you.” Billy smiled gently, his voice soft, “It’s something he’s been waiting to do for a long time.”
The End
Author: Arabia
Pairing Orli/Elijah
Rating: N17
Summary: Elijah can't quite believe what's happening and doesn't want to let go.
Many thanks to
grievous_angel, the world’s best beta and friend.Before I fall...
Before I Fall Any Deeper
“Right, that’s everything in the car except this last bag.” Orlando hesitated, his body taut as he leaned against the bedroom door. “You sure you don’t just want me to go now?”
“No. Stay.” Elijah watched him from the other side of the room.
“Okay, if you’re sure this is what you want.” Orli dropped the bag just outside the door and then turned, his hands already working on the first button of his shirt.
“Let me do that,” Elijah’s voice came out sharper than he had intended. “Please.”
Orli shook his head, confused, but with a half smile playing at his lips, as Elijah crossed the room towards him. Small hands went up, hesitated briefly, then rested lightly on Orli’s chest, the fingers splaying out to trace patterns before Elijah looked up and smiled. “Let me,” he said again and started to unbutton Orli’s shirt.
Carefully each one was slipped out of its hole and then the fabric was pushed off Orli’s shoulders till it hung behind him, caught at the wrist and waist. Elijah ran his fingertips up over Orli’s skin, tracing intricate inter-woven patterns, working up to his Adam’s apple, scratching across the stubble.
Without warning Elijah’s head dipped forward and his tongue flicked quickly into the hollow at the base of Orli’s throat before it was gone again, back into the warmth of his mouth. Then his fingers were moving again, down Orli’s chest to linger on his nipples. Fingers ran over the denser flesh as his thumbs explored the design of Orli’s ribs.
As Orli looked down he couldn’t see Elijah’s eyes, only the mop of dark hair – still a little too short for his liking -- the angle of a cheekbone and the tip of a tongue caught between sharp teeth. But he knew that face well enough to read the concentration and determination in it. “You want me,” he said and it was a statement not a question.
Elijah’s eyes flicked up but he stayed silent. His hands moved down to Orli’s waistband.
“Let’s move to the bed.” Even to his own ears the need in Orli’s voice was palpable.
He thought Elijah either hadn’t heard or didn’t want to hear as skilful fingers ran just under the elastic of his boxers where they stood proud of his jeans, fingertips kneading at his skin. Elijah’s thumbs rested on the top button of Orli’s flies for a moment before they were flicked open with practiced ease.
Slowly, carefully, Elijah unhooked each button, pulling the fabric open as he did so, the pads of his fingers skimming over the ridge of Orli’s cock. The touch was too light, too slow, and Orli’s hips automatically pushed up for more.
Elijah took his time till there was nothing to hold the jeans in place except the sharp curve of Orli’s hips, too small for the over large jeans and they puddled to the floor. He looked up at Orli standing in his freshly laundered boxers, hands held captive by the flamboyant shirt caught on his wrists, the look of pure lust in his eyes. He looked up and didn’t understand.
Elijah reached out and ran the flat of his open hand across the broad plain of Orli’s chest, down around his navel, then up again over his shoulder to trace down his back. Orli twisted as Elijah circled round him, wanting to watch all he did. “Keep still,” Elijah hissed, pushing Orli’s head back to face forward.
Elijah freed one trapped hand from the shirt as he passed then, standing behind Orli, ran his palm up and around Orli’s neck, his fingers digging deep into the tendons as Orli dropped his head forward. Slowly he traced the outline of each shoulder blade, moulding his fingers to the shape of their curve, before running down the hard ridge of Orli’s spine. Each bump was carefully pressed, each memorised.
When Orli looked up he could see both their figures reflected in the mirror on the opposite wall, Elijah’s eyes were almost as dark as his own, but there was something else to be read in his face. Orli wasn’t quite sure what it was. “Bed now, come on man,” he hissed, the breath scarping over his teeth.
Again he was ignored.
But Orli understood. Now it was Elijah’s time.
Leisurely Elijah’s thumbs moved from the hollow at the small of Orli’s back, hooking under the waistband of his boxers. Again he traced intricate patterns on the tight skin on Orli’s hips. Up down, in out, flower shapes that teased and tested Orli’s nerves, making his breath catch in his chest. Then the elastic was caught and lifted as the boxers were eased down.
For a moment Orli’s cock caught, the over sensitive tip pressed into the harsh cotton, and bent slightly before it sprang free releasing Orli’s breath with it. Elijah slid the boxers down till they were tangled with the jeans around Orli’s ankles then he stood back, not touching, looking at all the flesh before him.
Suddenly he moved forward, his cheek on Orli’s back, pushing his face fiercely into the flesh, his breath puffing out above the scar. Orli twisted again, trying to see Elijah’s face.
“’Lijah?” he asked softly.
All was still for a moment then Elijah stood up, turning away, hiding his eyes from Orli. “Bed,” he growled. “Now.”
*********************************************************************
Elijah sat in a quiet corner, head down, eyes fixed unseeingly on the carpet, surrounded in a ball of unhappiness, every atom of his body screaming to be left alone. Publicity people and assistants had heeded the signals and stayed away but Billy looked at the strain running along Elijah’s back, etched on his face, and thought he should do differently.
“Hiya mate,” he said neutrally. “Fancy some company?”
Elijah looked up and Billy had to stifle his reaction as he saw the pain in Elijah’s eyes. “You’re welcome to sit here but I don’t think I’m much fun at the moment.” Even now Elijah’s innate good manners prevented him from telling Billy to fuck off.
Billy took it as a sign that he should stay.
Settling himself in a chair close to Elijah’s Billy noticed the dark circles under Elijah’s eyes and, more worrying still, his immobility. Elijah never stopped biting at those poor nails or fidgeting, but now his hands lay unmoving in his lap.
How to handle this? Billy decided on the direct approach. “What’s up?”
Elijah just looked confused, unaware.
“Shall I go and find Sean? He’s around somewhere, doing more than his fair share of interviews if I know him.”
This at least provoked a reaction from Elijah. But not quite the one Billy had expected. “Christ no, please. I don’t want to talk to him right now…” He tailed off and Billy waited. “He won’t say anything, but it’ll be there, ‘I told you so.’”
“Do you want to talk to me?” Billy asked.
Elijah’s eyes went to Billy’s, he saw a genuine desire to help and a lack of judgement, just a willingness to be his friend. He nodded.
Only now he didn’t know where to start. Billy realised it almost before he did and stepped in. “Where’s Orlando?” It was only meant as a quick question, a way to get Elijah talking.
For a brief, brief moment Elijah closed his eyes as his whole face scrunched up in an effort to stay in control. Then he was back and, although he couldn’t quite manage to look at Billy, he could speak. “He’s gone, went yesterday.”
“Off to star in some other epic, is he? Be gone for months? Is that what’s wrong?” Billy knew he was asking too many questions but Elijah wasn’t giving much away.
Elijah looked up, his face so pale as to be unreal. “You don’t understand. He’s gone, we packed all his things and,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “He’s gone.”
*********************************************************************
“’Lijah, scoot round so that I can reach,” Orli huffed out between breaths. “I wanna blow you at the same time.”
Elijah looked up and let the swollen cock slip obscenely from his lips. “No.” And that was it, no discussion. His eyes flickered over Orli’s flushed face once more and then he bowed his head again, lifted the cock to his lips and sucked it in with a slowness that turned Orli’s spine to mush.
*********************************************************************
“Oh Elijah,” Billy couldn’t control his reaction this time. Instinctively he leaned over and pulled Elijah to him, his arms reaching round to rub and hold Elijah as close as he could. For a while Elijah just let himself go, trembling in the comfort of Billy’s body.
But this wouldn’t do, couldn’t do. He couldn’t give in to it because from that route there was no way back.
Elijah took a deep breath and sat up, gently extricating himself from the soothing arms. Billy watched as Elijah built his control once more, putting on his calm, professional face and straightening his shoulders. It was fragile, control no stronger than rice paper on the bottom of a fortune cookie, but it was there.
“What happened?” Billy asked.
“We talked,” Elijah gave almost a snort of derisive laughter, “Again. And…” He looked over at Billy, the words suddenly coming out in a rush, like water cascading from a broken dam. “He wants to fly Billy, god he wants so much. He knows what he is and what he wants and he’s determined to make the most of things while he can. He wants to be the new Tom Cruise, a heartthrob loved by millions. He wants to be on thousands of teenage walls with his face outside movie theatres across the world. Maybe no Oscars, but fame and fortune and the hearts of Middle America and…” His eyes darkened with the shadow of sadness. “You can’t do that with a boyfriend, even one who doesn’t need declarations of love on prime time television.”
“Oh Elijah,” Billy said again, only too aware of how ineffective a reply it was. He shook his head, trying to clear the desire to clutch at Elijah again and hold him tight, telling him things would be all right. But he didn’t want to lie. “You mean he doesn’t want to see you anymore? Even with all you two had going.”
Elijah smiled, a broken, twisted smile. “Oh he’ll see me, once in a while. As long as it’s somewhere secret, with no chance of our being recognised, and we stay indoors.”
“That’s something,” Billy said uncertainly. It didn’t seem like much to him.
Elijah’s head came up, fire back in his eyes. “I can’t do it Billy, I won’t. I can’t bear him to leave over and over again. To lose him over and over.”
“But things might change, when he sees you.” Billy knew he was clutching at straws, his whole argument wasn’t right, but if they couldn’t last, who could?
“I can’t,” Elijah’s voice came out as a broken whisper, the anger gone. “If I don’t see him I might not have the highs but at least I’m spared the god awful lows.”
“You told him that?”
Elijah looked away, stretching his legs out then pulling them in again quickly and tucking one foot under the other leg. Trying to hold himself in. “Not exactly.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I kinda let him think it was pride but,” he blew out a long breath. “I have to protect myself, I can’t keep opening up the wound again.”
“Is it that bad?” Billy asked although he knew the answer.
Elijah’s smile was ironic. “What do you think?”
*********************************************************************
A gentle push, an easy slide, a perfect fit.
Elijah pushed lightly against Orli’s thigh, hooking it higher up on his arm where he could ease it further out. He needed to see Orli’s face, couldn’t have a leg or a knee getting in the way, as he held his cock still, buried to the hilt inside Orli’s body.
Looking down he watched as Orli’s eyes fluttered but remained still, his head arching further back against the pillow, his breath huffing out as a sigh. Still Elijah held fast, the muscles in his arms and thighs starting to tremble in protest, but he needed time, time to feel the steely, velvet grip around his cock.
Orli wriggled slightly, trying to push his hips upwards in encouragement. “Come on baby, move,” he whispered.
The endearment hit Elijah harder than any bolt of lighting. So unusual, so unnecessary, so inappropriate and spiteful in the circumstances.
Suddenly he pulled all the way out, the tip of his cock just resting against the ring of muscle, and then cracked his hips, pushing in till flesh smacked against flesh. Orli shuddered, a wail escaping as his back flexed, pulling his hips away from the intrusion.
But Elijah wasn’t going to stop now, wasn’t going to make it easy for Orli. He steadied his arms and lowered his head to lick at Orli’s chin, making him look up and at Elijah. He didn’t want it to be easy for Orli.
Easy for Orli to leave him.
Elijah wanted it all; wanted to possess, control… remember. But if he couldn’t have that then he wanted to break something.
Snapping his hips he drove into Orli, hard and fast, just the way Orli liked it. Only harder, faster, more demanding. Even after Orli came he kept going; wanting Orli to break, to need it… to realise what he was walking away from.
But it was Elijah who broke.
A hand slipped, an elbow buckled, and Elijah fell onto Orli, his face ending up pressed against sweat damp skin. From the safety of his hiding place his control shattered, even as he tried to fight it, and a sob escaped his lips only to be caught again in the folds of Orli’s shoulder.
A single sob as his body cheated him of any more time, any more pleasure.
Elijah came.
He came with one mighty rush; too fast, too hard, too final.
*********************************************************************
“Is it that bad?” Billy asked although he knew the answer.
Elijah’s smile was ironic. “What do you think?”
“Oh Elijah.” Billy realised it was becoming almost like a mantra but what else was there to say?
“Yeah, oh Elijah indeed,” Elijah said softly then glanced over at Billy again. “Is it bad? It’s bad enough that I want to scream and scream because my guts are twisted into such tight knots that I think I’m gonna throw up. So bad that I ache all over and I want to rip my skin off because there’s this itch I can’t reach. I can’t reach it because he left me… He left me Billy,” Elijah shook his head, his eyes full of a mixture of anger and pain.
The unthinkable had already happened.
“He fucking left me and there’s nothing I can do about it. I still can’t quite get my head round that idea. I really thought we were in it for… the long haul.”
Billy fidgeted, knowing he was out of his depth, Astin would have been better at this. Shit, anyone would have been better. Elijah’s pain was so raw and close to the surface.
But Elijah had decided to talk to him and he wouldn’t let him down. “But surely Orli’ll realise what…” Billy came to a stop, knowing he was clutching at straws.
“What he’s missing?” Elijah shook his head. “He came back for one last time yesterday, to collect his things, and… I can’t explain how good it felt seeing him again. But it just brought it all home to me, when he talked about what’s happening to him, his smile was so wide, his eyes sparkled so bright, he says he’s right on track.” His voice fell to a whisper. “And I can’t compete with that.”
“You shouldn’t have to compete with anything, you’re more than enough for anyone,” Billy said.
Elijah looked him straight in the eye, “Except Orli.”
And Billy didn’t know what to say.
In the end it was Elijah who took pity on him. “Don’t worry, I’ll manage. I’m a survivor, and I suppose I’ll survive this. I made it here today, didn’t I?”
*********************************************************************
Elijah rested back against the bed, head and shoulders slightly lifted by the rise of the pillows and the edge of the headboard. Orli lay between his parted thighs, his head resting on Elijah’s rib cage, one arm caught between their bodies the other flung casually over Elijah’s hip.
All was still except for the hardly noticeable rise and fall of Elijah’s chest. If it wasn’t for the movement of his hand, Orli might have thought Elijah was asleep instead of staring into space.
But Elijah was very well aware of where he was and what was happening. He was looking at their reflections in the mirror, watching as his hand trailed through Orli’s hair. He twisted the strands between his fingers then let them flow free as he gently pulled his hand away, only to repeat the movement again and again.
“I think I should go now,” Orli said without moving.
Elijah stayed silent; his only reaction was to lift a section of Orli’s hair closer to his face so he could inhale its scent.
*********************************************************************
“But why don’t you tell him how you really feel?” Billy asked.
“What and hold him back? I can’t do that, eventually he’d come to resent me and then I couldn’t even be his friend.”
“Can you now?”
Elijah chewed at his lip, a little muscle close to his eye twitching repeatedly. “Maybe not right now, it all hurts too much. Just to see him…” he caught an escaping sigh. “But maybe later, when it’s not so bad.”
“So you won’t see him?”
“Can’t,” and there was the first hint of his control breaking.
“Elijah.” This time Billy wasn’t offering sympathy or compassion. His voice just contained support.
And this time when Elijah looked up Billy saw there were tears as well as pain at the back of his eyes. “I can’t Billy, if I see him it’ll start again and then he’ll leave me again and then,” his voice dropped so Billy could only just hear it. “And then I’ll break.”
Billy reached over and took Elijah’s hands in his, tugging on them slightly till the other man looked up. “I won’t let you break.”
*********************************************************************
Elijah rested back against the pillows, the white rumpled sheet caught over one hip, unmoving. What was there to move for?
Orlando did up the last button on his shirt, ran his hands back through his hair, and then reached for his bag, swinging it easily onto a shoulder. He turned and looked over towards the bed, his eyes running up Elijah’s body to settle on his face, something resembling a half smile on his lips. “I’ll see you then, probably at the next premier or awards ceremony.”
Elijah stayed silent. What was there to say?
“I will see you, won’t I?” The half smile faded for a moment and then Orlando’s confidence won over. “Yeah, I’ll see you,” and he turned and was gone.
Elijah stood at the window, careless of his nakedness, and watched as Orli drove away.
*********************************************************************
“Don’t let me fall again Billy, please.” Elijah’s voice was low, frightened.
“I won’t. I’m your friend and I’ll be here whenever you need me.” And Billy meant every word of it.
He patted the back of Elijah’s head before smiling, anxious to break the spell of despair. “Now what we need to do is say, ‘Sod it,’ to the press and go get pissed. Then you can say, ‘Fuck you,’ to Mr Orlando Bloom and find someone who’s worthy of you. I’ll even vet them before you get too close, make sure they’re not going to become superstars overnight. What do you think?”
“Yeah, why not?” Elijah tried to smile. His eyes clinging onto Billy’s face, his fingers twisted into Billy’s sleeve.
Holding on for dear life.
“I’ll ring Dom, he’s around here somewhere. He’ll cheer you up, be there for you.” Billy smiled gently, his voice soft, “It’s something he’s been waiting to do for a long time.”
The End
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