The True Kings of Comedy

[hmcgirl.livejournal.com]

Billy and Dom need to make a comedy together.  A buddy flick.  Something like Tommy Boy.  Or Road Trip. 

Anyhoo, I assembled quotes from the second half of the Two Towers DVD commentary.  These two just have me in stitches.

 

Dom: I heard they designed Gollum’s ears based on mine.

Billy: I started that rumor.

 

 

Billy: But you’ve got to remember how he became Gollum.

Dom: And he killed his brother.

Billy: Or was it his cousin?

Dom: Either way, it’s family.  I'd kill you though if we were fishing and we found the ring.

Billy: What if it was a pretend ring? Like, from a lucky bag?

Dom: Well, you'd have to swap me some other piece of jewelry, otherwise I'd wring your neck and choke you in the muddy water.

Billy: What if I had sherbert?

Dom: Well, if you had sherbert then we could come to an arrangement.

 

 

Dom: Liv Tyler.

Billy: Very beautiful.

Dom: Very.  Viggo Mortensen....

Billy: Not quite as beautiful.

Dom: I mean, if I had to choose between kissing either of them I'd pick Liv.

Billy: Me to. Cept if I had an itch.  Then Viggo's beardy-beard could scratch it.

 

 

Dom: After a while, you just long for Pippin and Merry.

Billy: They’re thinking, “I’m missing something here... I don’t know what I’m missing...”

Dom: “There is a piece of my life, a shard of my heart has been torn out....”

Billy: (crying) “I don’t know where it is!”

Dom: “And I don’t understand where it is.”

Billy: (still crying like a little girl) “Something!  And then....” Oh look those two little buggers up a tree! Oh, that’s better, aye?

Dom: Like a new sunrise.

Billy: Ah, like someone’s just given you a cake.

 

 

Dom: Tell you what, Sean Astin was fat, wasn’t he?  Would you like to make a comment on that Bill? Or would you just like to laugh silently?

Billy: Nope, I will leave that with you, Dom.

Dom: I did say he was fat.  He now has the body of a Greek God.  Spirrus, the Horse God.  (Billy giggling in background)

 

 

Dom: That’s David Wenham, playing Faramir.  He became affectionately known as Daisy.  So if you see him on the street say, “Hello Daisy!”  And he will think that you know him.

Billy: He’s gonna hate you for the rest of your life for that.

Dom: Sorry Daisy.

 

 

Billy: I’d just like to say how proud I am to be in these movies.

Dom: I’d just like to say how proud I am to be sitting here next to you, Bill.

Billy: You won’t be for long.  (long pause)  I love you.

Dom: I love you.

Billy: Thanks.

 

 

Dom: I think the Two Towers should have been called The Adventures of Merry and Pippin.

Billy: We shall rename it.  Because um, I think we spoke about.... (silence)  Lost my train of thought.  Say something for a minute, Dom.

Dom: I.... really like eggs.  In the morning.  And bacon at night.  Is that wrong?

Billy: No, carry on, carry on.

Dom: Uh.... when I was 7 I used to eat ants---

Billy: Got it!  We were talking about um.... (silence)  Lost it again!

(Both howl with laughter)

Billy: That’s quite incredible, isn’t it??

(Dom cackles)

 

 

Dom: Viggo Mortensen.....

Billy: Mad as a fish.

Dom: Smells a bit.

And pictures cuz I love pictures!!!