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fellowshippers2004-02-02 03:54 pm
ex-salwood.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-02-02 03:54 pm
World Trip Chapter 22 - Part A
Title: World Trip 22/?
Author/Email: Salogel (salogel42@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Dom/Elijah
Rating: NC17 (for a sexual situation)
Note: Chapter had to be split because LJ couldn't cope with all the pages I had written...*sighs*
Summary: Dom and Lij spend 4 weeks visiting the Greek Islands.
WARNING: Some angst!
Feedback: Yes please
Archive:LOTR Gutter
Disclaimer: None of this happened or will ever happen. It is all made up in my overactive mind.
Additional Notes: Any flashbacks are written as they happened, and not necessarily as a point of view.
Previous chapters can be found here.
World Trip
Chapter 22 – The Greek Islands
No… no… no!… Elijah snapped his eyes open instantly, and stared out into the darkness. His heart was racing and a layer of sweat covered his trembling body. He slowly turned onto his back and looked at the cabin window. Weak moonlight filtered in.
It’s just a dream… Elijah willed his pulse rate to slow down as he listened to Dominic’s gentle breathing. Just a dream… no more than a dream… He had been back in that restroom on the ship, and Hasad had been standing naked in front of him, his strong hands gripping at his throat, squeezing the life out of him.
Just a dream… Elijah breathed in deeply, trying to chase the last remnants of the dream away. He picked up his glasses and slipped them on, and then looked at his watch. It was 3am - there was no way he going to get back to sleep right now.
He quietly slipped out from beneath the warm bed covers, and pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt. He picked up his journal and made his way into the galley/living area of the boat. He switched on one of the wall lamps and then poured himself a glass of fruit juice from a container in the refrigerator. Then he took a seat at the table, and just stared at the wall.
Over a week had passed - well, nine days to be precise - since Hasad had attacked him, and Elijah had pushed that memory away, locked it up, and buried it. He hadn’t even written about it in his journal, because he wanted to forget it. Forget the whole sordid affair. But he hated the way that it had affected Dom, and that had been the main reason why he hadn’t told Dominic about Hasad in the first place. Fuck Hasad… fuck what he’d done to them… done to Dom. This wasn’t going to affect him, now… he wouldn’t let it. He was over it. Elijah sipped his drink, as his fingers mindlessly played with the leather ties on his journal. He was good at locking things away, and moving on; this would be no different.
Eventually Elijah stood up, journal in hand, and made his way to the wooden door that led to the companionway steps outside. He climbed them carefully, one at a time. He hadn’t put on his trainers, and his feet were cold the moment he stepped out on deck.
Just a few minutes out here, that’s all, just to clear my head… Elijah made his way to the side of the boat. It was rocking very slightly in the gentle breeze. He held onto the railings as he looked across the harbour to the port of Alopronoia on Sikinos Island. There were many boats anchored in the water, mainly fishing vessels. Danae had told him that in just a few short weeks, cruise ships would sail in and begin dominating the coastline.
Elijah had wanted to disembark the day before. Five days was a long time on this boat. He had really wanted to get his feet firmly on the ground and begin to explore, despite his injury - see what these magnificent islands had to offer. But Dominic had wanted to stay on board, despite gentle persuasion from Danae. In fact, Dominic had been adamant that he could see all he wanted from the boat. There was no need to go ashore at all. And besides, his strongest excuse yet was that Elijah wouldn’t be able to walk very far anyway, so what was the point?
Elijah had not wanted to argue, so he let it go. Danae had left them for a couple of hours that afternoon in order to replenish supplies for Quiet Storm.
*
“It does look beautiful, Dom.” Elijah stood, hands firmly holding onto the side of the boat as he looked out at the sloping cliffs. The warm early spring sunshine made the island look hotter than it actually was.
“There is a fortress up there, you know; part of the town is hidden within it. I bet that looks pretty awesome,” Elijah continued.
Dominic nodded. “Probably.” Then he turned to look at Elijah, and sighed. “Lij…I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“It’s just that I like being here, alone, with you.” Dominic took hold of Elijah’s hands. “We don’t need to go ashore, do we? This is nice… this is perfect.”
Elijah smiled and nodded. What could he say? Dominic was absolutely gripped with fear for his safety - that was so obvious.
“Yes… here is nice…” Elijah agreed as he looked down at their hands.
“And skipper lady has gone for a while, hasn’t she?” Dominic pulled Elijah away from the railings and into his arms. “We can fuck wherever we want.” Dominic brushed his mouth against Elijah’s ear; his breath was warm and moist against Elijah’s skin.
“Anywhere,” Dominic whispered, as his lips traveled along Elijah’s jaw line, before stopping at his mouth. “Where would you like to start?”
“How about right here.” Elijah placed his hand behind Dominic’s head and pulled his mouth down hard onto his own.
*
Elijah shivered as yesterday’s memory slipped away; he wouldn’t be able to stay on deck much longer, unless he put something warmer on. Maybe he would go down below and write in his journal, and sort out some of the information that he had to send to Sala once they returned to the mainland. Sleep still seemed to be a very long way off. He may as well do something constructive with his waking time.
“Elijah… is everything ok?”
Elijah looked around to find the source of the voice, and saw Danae closing her cabin door. She had two blankets slung over one shoulder, and two cups of steaming hot coffee in one hand.
“I heard you come up on deck. It’s my job to take notice.” She smiled at Elijah as she joined him at the side of the boat.
“Here.” Danae offered Elijah a blanket, which he took gratefully. He draped it around his shoulders and then took from her one of the cups of coffee.
“So, Elijah.” Danae began. “What brings you up on deck at three o’clock in the morning?” Danae sipped the hot liquid as she watched Elijah’s face, searching for an answer.
“Couldn’t sleep… that’s it, really.” Elijah looked out at the view again. “This is beautiful, Danae,” he said wanting to change the subject immediately. “You are so lucky to live here.”
Danae nodded. “It’s even more beautiful ashore, Elijah. If you were to go there.”
“I know, and we will…” Elijah thought about Dominic sound asleep in their bed. He turned to Danae and looked at her, she seemed genuinely concerned.
“I’m really sorry about Dom.”
“It’s ok, Elijah.”
“No, really…the way he speaks to you, the way he mostly ignores you.” Elijah paused before going on, trying to collect his thoughts. “Dom is not always like this… something… something happened…” Elijah’s voice trailed off.
Danae could see the troubled expression on Elijah’s face. “Come, Elijah, let’s sit down.”
Danae made her way down the steps to the bench. As Elijah went to follow he stumbled, dropping his cup. He watched the contents spill across the deck.
“Shit! I’m sorry.” He looked up at Danae apologetically.
“It’s not a problem.” Danae looked down at Elijah’s bare feet, noting how he was standing, favouring the injured foot.
“Fucking ankle,” Elijah murmured to himself as he half hopped down the steps to join Danae.
“It’s not healing is it, Elijah?” Danae asked as Elijah sat down beside her. “How long ago did you injure it?”
“Nine days…” Elijah lifted his foot to look at it. “I didn’t realise at the time just how badly I’d hurt it.” Elijah recalled how he had got onto his feet after Hasad had knocked him across the room, and how he had run at the bastard…
“It will not heal without treatment, Elijah. It looks very painful, and very bruised. You must have fallen very heavily.” Danae looked into Elijah’s eyes, and saw a hidden turmoil there. She wondered if his facial injuries happened at the same time.
“I can help, Elijah.” She offered in an attempt to break the tension that she could feel developing. “I am qualified in first aid, is that what you call it?”
Elijah just looked at her.
“I have to be able to look after myself when I am at sea, I cannot afford to be injured. I have to be able to treat myself. All sailors do.” She looked at Elijah’s foot again.
“Come below deck, let me see what I can do.”
*
“Shit, that’s cold!” Elijah gritted his teeth as he immersed his foot in a bucket of melting ice.
Danae chuckled. “Ice is the best thing. If you had done this immediately after your accident, then your foot would be well on its way to recovery by now.”
“Accident?” Elijah quietly repeated the word as he looked at the top of Danae’s head, she was busy scooping the ice segments over his foot, determined to cover every square inch.
Danae looked up at Elijah with questioning eyes. Not an accident?
Elijah swallowed hard, he didn’t know if he should say anything. He just wanted to fucking forget about it.
Danae turned her attention to the job in hand.
“I… I was attacked…” Elijah’s voice was low, barely more than a whisper.
Danae stopped what she was doing, drew in a deep breath, then picked up a towel and dried her hands. She then sat on the sofa a couple of feet away from Elijah in order to give him her full attention.
Elijah looked from the ice bucket to Danae’s enquiring face, and then back to the bucket again.
“I was attacked,” Elijah began to recall the hideous incident. “On a ship, nine days ago… it was pretty bad, too.” Elijah placed his fingers on his chin feeling the tenderness of the healing bruises beneath them. “But Dom has suffered more. Much more than me.”
“I’m so sorry, Elijah.” Danae felt her heart go out to the young man sitting beside her. “And Dom, was he injured too?”
Elijah shook his head as he looked up. “No…no, it only happened to me. Dom didn’t know… he… he found me.”
Danae nodded.
“You know, he’s not always like this, Danae.” Elijah was determined to get his point across. “This incident… this thing… it’s changed him, it really has.” Elijah felt his shoulders slump a little. “And I don’t know what to do. He’s been so hurt by it, he’s so afraid. Afraid for me… It’s fucking eating him up inside, just like I knew it would!”
“He loves you, Elijah, that is so evident.” Danae resumed her treatment on Elijah’s foot, pulling it free from the ice, and wrapping it in a warm towel. “I’m sure he will deal with it, in time, in his own way.”
“No… you see, that’s just the problem. He won’t be able to deal with it. Dom is not very good at dealing with things like this.” Elijah remembered their talk in Budapest, and how he was shaken to the very core by Dominic’s confession about ‘losing him’.
“Dom’s so emotional…” Elijah shook his head. “I wish I could pull him through this….” Elijah’s voice trailed off again.
Danae finished dabbing Elijah’s foot dry. “And you, Elijah?” she asked. “Are you over it?”
Elijah nodded. “I have to be strong for Dom.”
“But are you over it?” Danae asked again.
“Yes…” Elijah remembered the dream that had woken him, earlier. I have to be.
“Hold still.” Danae rested Elijah’s heel on her knee; he flinched slightly at the pressure he felt. Then Danae began to strap up his foot and ankle.
“What’s going on?” Dominic sleepily walked into the living area. He had heard voices, slipped on his jeans, and decided to investigate.
“Dom…” Elijah smiled broadly at Dominic as he walked over to join them.
“There.” Danae stood up. “If we repeat this procedure every evening for the next few days, I think you will find a vast improvement, Elijah. I shall look in my book to find exercises for you to do, too.”
“Lij?” Dominic looked confused. He put out his hand and Elijah took a hold of it. “What are you doing up?”
Elijah placed his strapped foot on the floor. He could already felt an improvement in it. “I couldn’t sleep, and look.” He wriggled his foot very cautiously. “Danae is fixing my foot.”
“That’s nice.” Dominic glanced over at Danae.
“It feels better already. I’ll be walking normally again in no time at all.”
“Great.” Dominic rubbed Elijah’s hand in his.
“Would you like a coffee, Dominic?” Danae asked, knowing the answer before it came.
“No, no thank you. “ Dominic replied without looking at her. He sat down beside Elijah. “You should’ve woken me, Lij. I could’ve helped.”
Danae took Dominic’s negative reply as a sign to leave them alone. “Excuse me…I will see you both in a few hours.” She turned to leave.
“Danae, thank you… thank you so much.” Elijah called after her.
Danae stopped and nodded, and then disappeared through her cabin door.
Dominic looked at Elijah’s foot and then back up to his tired features. “Come on, Lij,” he said, as he pulled Elijah to his feet. “Let’s get you back to bed.
**
Dominic was singing in the shower, and quite loudly, too. Elijah grinned to himself as he listened. In fact Dominic was not a bad singer; far better than he was. Elijah poured himself another glass of white wine and then opened his journal and looked over the written pages. He re-read all the entries that he had made since leaving Piraeus eight days ago. He had been able to keep up with his journal while they were on the boat, and he usually made a new entry while Dominic took his evening shower.
11 March 2005
This evening we arrived at the first of the islands. What a trip it was, too! It’s quite deceiving, sailing, that is. It literally feels as if we are moving through the water at some speed, but we’re not. It’s as little as ten miles an hour, which is so slow in terms of road travel. And it’s exhilarating… Dom and I spent most of the day just looking out at the water. It was so peaceful, and so beautiful, and I was surprised at just how wet we got. I mean, it doesn’t feel like we are getting wet, but the sea spray is constantly coming up on deck.
And it’s still cold. It’s actually a lot colder than I thought it would be. Poor Dom, he is so longing for the sun, or should I say the heat that the sun brings. We’ll get there eventually, Dommie, and that’s guaranteed.
Danae is going to take us around this island, Kythira over the next two days. I’m incredibly interested in the old monasteries of Agia Moni, Agia Elesa and Moni Myrtidion. They look fascinating in the guidebook – or my bible – as Dom insists on calling it.
But somehow I doubt that we will leave the boat. Dom is full of unease; in fact he only seems to relax when we are in bed together at night. I wish he could see that everything is ok.
***
13 March 2005
We didn’t disembark. I knew we wouldn’t. Dom is still too raw from the effects of what happened to me. Well, tomorrow we’re sailing to Sikinos, and from what I have read, there will be plenty of opportunities there to get off and see something of the island.
***
15 March 2005
We remained on board again today, despite Danae recommending that we spend at least a couple of hours ashore.
Dom just doesn’t want to leave this boat. I think he’s finding it a bit of a sanctuary, and I feel for him, I really do.
It would have been nice to go exploring. The island looks fantastic from here with its beaches and terraced landscapes dropping down to the sea.
I have to admit that I want to get off the boat, even to just sit in a tavern for an hour or two, but what can I do? I want Dom to be happy, and if it means remaining on the water for a while longer, then I suppose that’s what we’ll do… although we are going to have get off at some point.
I love him so much, and he comes first. Despite everything, he has to.
Elijah looked up from his journal, as he turned to a fresh page. A blank page always intrigued him, knowing it was going to be filled with his memories and thoughts. He wondered how often he would look back over this journal once they returned home at the end of the year.
He began his new entry…
18 March 2005
Yesterday we arrived at this island, Amorgos, and the view was stunning. Most of coastline is sheer cliffs, a fucking awesome sight. I’d wondered if there would be anywhere to anchor, then Danae brought us into this fantastic bay. I mean, well, I can’t really describe it – all these beautiful places and I always use words such an awesome or fantastic. This is more than that…more like… fucking awesomely fantastic… (I’m such a dork.)
We didn’t get off the boat yesterday or today. I’ve stopped suggesting to Dom that we visit any of the islands, now. There’s little point. But I just wonder how the fuck he is going to be when we return to Athens in just over two weeks time. I guess I’ll have to deal with that then…
“Pour us a glass, Lij.” Dominic emerged from the their bedroom, pulling a t-shirt down over his damp torso.
Elijah smiled as he closed his journal, and reached for a fresh glass for Dominic. As he poured the wine, Dominic took a seat opposite him.
“So, when are you going to let me read this, then?” Dominic tapped a finger on the cover of Elijah’s journal. “Or is it full of dark hidden secrets that you don’t want me to see?”
“Hardly.” Elijah smiled as he removed the journal out of Dominic’s reach. He tied it shut before placing it safely on the seat beside him. “It’s just full of travel stuff, nothing much at all. You’d be totally bored by it.”
“Hmmm…” Dominic took a drink from his wine glass. “Well, what with your notes and my pics we’ll have quite a travel log once we return home. We can bore the pants of Billy, one evening.” Dominic laughed at his suggestion. “Billy would love that.”
“He would, too…” Elijah grinned at the thought of Billy sitting through hours and hours of holiday pictures, trying to look interested, but being bored out of his skull.
“Wonder what he is up to?” Dominic mused as he ran a finger around the top of his glass. “We’ll have to call him once we’re back in Athens.”
Elijah nodded slightly as he watched Dominic’s expression. This was the first time he had mentioned anything about returning to the mainland.
“It is going to be alright isn’t it, Dom?”
“What do you mean, Lij?”
“Going back to Athens.”
“Of course it is. Why shouldn’t it be?” Dominic’s reply was a little curt.
“Well…” Elijah wondered if this was a good time to bring the subject up. “You haven’t wanted to leave the boat, have you?”
“Lij,” Dominic sighed heavily. “I’ve told you already. We don’t need to leave the boat. Why do we need to get off?”
“It doesn’t matter…” Elijah dropped the subject, then looked down into his empty glass.
“Oh, Lijah.” Dominic shuffled out of his seat and made his way around the table to sit next to Elijah, slipping his arm around his shoulders as he did so. “I just want you to get totally better, you know that. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”
“I know, Dom, and it’s wonderful that you think that. But really, I am fine. Everything is getting better, even my ankle is starting to mend, thanks to Danae. We could get off you know, at the next island.”
“You, need plenty of rest, Lijah. Loving and rest, and I can give you all of that right here. Don’t need to stand on any solid ground for that now, do we?”
Elijah turned to look at Dominic, his face only a few inches away from his own. All he could see was concern… love and concern, but there was still a lot of fear reflected in his eyes. God, I do love you, Dom.
Elijah decided to end any attempt at changing Dominic’s mind then. There was time for that later. He kissed him instead. He could taste the pine flavour of the wine on Dominic’s lips, which were cool and soft against his own.
Dominic brought his hand up to cradle Elijah’s chin as he pushed his tongue into his yielding mouth. Elijah closed his eyes at the sweet invasion, and his own tongue met Dominic’s as the kiss deepened. Dominic turned and knelt on the sofa, tilting Elijah’s face up to his.
We’re safe on this boat, Elijah… safe.
**
Elijah watched Danae furl the mainsail. She was quick and adept, and he was amazed by how neat and tidy everything looked once the sail was down. Danae always made sure that all the loose ends were tucked away; she certainly kept a smart ship.
Danae glanced up and smiled at Elijah as he watched her finish lashing the sail to the boom.
“Next time, would you like to help?” she asked. “You are becoming more able, Elijah, and I never say no to an extra pair of hands.”
“Cool.” Elijah grinned back at her. “That would be awesome. Maybe Dom can learn too.”
“Yes, maybe.” Danae stood up and brushed her hands down her jacket, knowing that Dominic would not show any incentive to learn. She had already come to the conclusion that he did not like her.
“Would you like to help with the fenders, Elijah? We will be mooring port side.”
“Sure, what do I do?”
Danae set about showing Elijah how to prepare to dock alongside the harbour wall, and he became so engrossed in helping her that he didn’t hear Dominic come up on deck.
“When can we visit the volcano, Danae?”
“It’s on one of Santorini’s smaller islands - perhaps tomorrow?” Danae answered.
Elijah nodded.
“That’s good, Elijah,” Danae smiled. “I’m glad that you going to get off the boat and see something at last. You’ve obviously made Dominic see sense, then.”
“Well…” Elijah began to answer.
“Elijah!”
Elijah whipped his head round and saw Dominic standing just a few feet away, and he looked totally pissed off.
Shit… Elijah glanced at Danae before standing up to face Dominic. “Oh, hi… Dom. I was just helping…”
“Get the fuck over here, Lij!”
Elijah rolled his eyes… Dominic had obviously heard him speaking to Danae about getting off the boat.
Dominic grabbed Elijah’s wrist and yanked him towards the stern of the boat.
“Don’t do that!”
Dominic ignored Elijah’s protest. “So, Lij. Have you made me see fucking sense then? I can’t believe you two are talking about me.”
“Dom, calm down.” Elijah rubbed his wrist; he was shocked at Dominic’s sudden outburst.
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down, Elijah… and we’re not leaving this boat. You know what we decided.”
“No…no, Dom. Not we. You.” Elijah looked out at the approaching harbour. “If you want to stay on board for yet another day, then go ahead, but I’ve asked Danae to take us to see this volcano, and I’m fucking well getting off to see it.”
“No you’re not.” Dominic shook his head. “You’re not, Lij.”
“Oh, is that right!” Elijah could feel anger brewing up inside him, anger at Dominic’s continuous smothering concern. “Well come on then, Dom, how the fuck are you going to stop me? Tell me… come on. I’m all fucking ears.”
Dominic swallowed hard. “Elijah…” he reached out and took Elijah’s hand. “You know how I feel…”
“Fuck it, Dom.” Elijah snatched his hand back. “How you feel? Well what about how I fucking feel for a change! It’s always about you!” He pushed past Dominic and disappeared through the companionway door to the deck below.
Dominic just stood there staring at the door as it slowly closed behind Elijah. Jesus Christ, Elijah. Don’t do this now. What we have here is perfect. Don’t go fucking ruining it.
“Is he alright?”
Dominic looked up at Danae as she approached. “Just stay out of it, ok,” he snapped at her. “It’s none of your business.”
“You are both passengers on my boat, Dominic. So it becomes my business.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Dominic turned his back on Danae and walked to the side of the boat. He’d give Elijah a few minutes to cool off, and then he would go down and speak to him, make him see sense.
Danae watched Dominic. She could see the droop in his shoulders; the hurt in his eyes was evident as he glanced around to look at her.
“You cannot keep him wrapped up in a box you know, Dominic.” Danae moved a little closer to him.
“What!” Dominic frowned as he turned to face her.
“Elijah. You cannot keep him tucked away from everything, and everyone.”
“What the fuck are you going on about?” Dominic couldn’t believe that she was talking to him in this way.
“He is his own man, Dominic. Not a possession, to be wrapped up and kept safe.”
“What?… Fuck!” Dominic walked around to the other side of the boat, trying to put some distance between himself and Danae. Fucking bitch, what did she know?
“I can understand your motives, Dominic, but they will not fare good.”
“Look.” Dominic swung around quickly. “I don’t have to listen to you, I know what you fucking think of me. So just back off… and leave us alone. Just sail the fucking boat, that’s what we’re paying you for.”
Danae could see the confusion and anger in Dominic’s face, and she felt for him. She had been in a similar position herself, a long time ago, and those memories were still raw, and they still had the capacity to hurt after all this time. She wanted to help Dominic, if only he would let her in.
“Dominic, I know what happened to Elijah.”
“What?”
“He told me, a few days ago.”
“For Christ’s sake.” Dominic closed his eyes tightly.
“You have been through an ordeal, both of you, a very frightening ordeal, but you cannot let it take over.”
Dominic snapped open his eyes and glared at her. “Jesus! I can’t believe we are having this conversation.”
“I feel your pain, Dominic.” Danae cautiously took another step closer.
“Oh piss off… feel my pain. What fucking crap is that? You have fucking no idea what I’ve been through, what I’m still going through.”
“Oh, but I have Dominic, I have.”
“Yeah, right…” Dominic jumped down into the cockpit; he needed to see Elijah right now, to sort this fucking situation out.
“If ever you want to talk, Dominic… I’m here.” Danae watched Dominic disappear through the doorway, not sure if he had heard her last words. I’ll be here for you both.
“Lij!” Dominic called Elijah’s name as he entered the living area. When he received no response, he called again. “Elijah!”
“What?” Elijah’s reply was sharp. He was lying on his back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling; the dining table obscured any view of him at first.
“You fucking told Danae!” Dominic walked around the table and looked down at Elijah.
“What?”
“About what happened.”
“Yes…I did.”
“Why did you fucking do that, Lij?”
“It just happened, that’s all. It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal! Jesus! You just don’t go telling people about our private lives.”
“Ah… here we go… telling me what to do again, are you?”
“What?”
“You’re getting pretty good at doing that just lately, Dom.”
“What! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Elijah didn’t answer. Arguing with Dominic never worked. He would get an idea in his head, and hold on to it, like a dog with a bone.
“Elijah?”
Elijah brought himself into a sitting position, and rested his hands on the table. God knows, he understood what Dominic was going through; he could hear the fucking pain in his voice as spoke to him right now. But this had to end, this fucking confinement, Dominic had to get a grip, come to terms with what happened. There was no fucking other way for it.
“I’m getting off this boat tomorrow, Dom, whether you come with me or not.” Elijah stared at his hands, refusing to look up at Dominic.
“No, Lij.” Dominic shook his head. “It’s too soon.”
“It’s not!” Elijah finally looked up into Dominic’s worried face. “Dom… will you listen to yourself, you’re… you’re acting…” Elijah searched for the word he needed.
“…. paranoid. That’s it.”
“Paranoid!” Dominic repeated the word. “Fucking hell, Lij! What do you expect…? Jesus! I can’t believe you are saying this to me.”
Elijah dropped his voice. “Well, you are.”
“I found you, Lijah. Fucking beaten and bruised.” Dominic’s voice began to crack. “And if wanting to look after you, and protect you, is so fucking wrong, well… well then… Oh just go fuck yourself, Elijah.” Dominic strode back over to the door and pulled it open. He didn’t look back as he heard Elijah call after him.
“Well fuck you too, Dom! I’m getting off the boat tomorrow, and don’t try fucking stopping me!”
Danae saw the companionway door swing open, and Dominic stumble up the steps, but she was unable to act upon it, as she slowly guided the boat into the harbour.
Dominic looked distressed as he paced from one side of the boat to the other, gripping and ungripping the railings, constantly muttering to himself.
My dear, Dominic, she thought. It doesn’t have to be like this.
As the boat began to come alongside, Danae gathered up the head mooring line and expertly threw it ashore. As there was no one there to help her berth, she jumped the gap between boat and dock, and grabbed hold of the line, and secured it to the shoreside bollard.
“Dominic!” Danae called to Dominic. “Would you please help me?”
Dominic didn’t hear her at first.
“Dominic!”
Dominic looked across the small gap at Danae, who was waiting patiently for him to acknowledge her.
“The stern line, Dominic, to the left of you. Would you throw it to me?”
Dominic just looked at her.
“Dominic, would you please throw me the line?”
Dominic blinked hard, and then looked down at the deck, he saw the rope neatly coiled, ready for use.
He picked it up, and held it up for her to see.
“Yes, thank you!” Danae positioned herself to catch the line. Dominic didn’t have far to throw it, so he shouldn’t miss.
It was a perfect throw for a novice. Danae caught the rope and finished securing the boat. Then she jumped back on board.
“Thank you Dominic, that was a great help.” Danae busied herself adjusting the fenders.
Dominic was standing watching her, his hands thrust deep inside his jeans pockets. He looked on the verge of tears.
Danae finished her usual routine for securing the boat. The sun was beginning to set, and she knew she had about an hour’s rest before preparing Dominic and Elijah’s evening meal.
Dominic still hovered, quietly and unobtrusively. It looked like the wind had been knocked right out of his sails. He looked pitiful, and worn down and she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
“Dominic… would you like a drink?”
Dominic looked at her, but didn’t reply.
“I’ll get us both a drink.” Danae disappeared into her cabin, and returned within minutes with two plastic cups containing a good measure of brandy in each. She handed one tentatively to Dominic, who hesitated for a moment before accepting it.
Danae walked over to the railings and leant on them, holding her cup in both hands. She looked out at the harbour as she spoke.
“My husband died very young, Dominic. We had only been married for one year.”
She took a long sip before turning around to face Dominic. “So you see…I do know your pain.”
Dominic swallowed hard, not sure what to make of Danae’s sudden announcement.
“We had only been married for a few weeks when he fell sick… headaches, falling over… convulsions.” Danae took another sip, the memories were old, but still very vivid.
“I know what it is like to be scared, Dominic. To have this fear buried so deep, that it is like a physical pain. We ended up becoming prisoners in our own home, Pietr hated it, I insisted on it. I wanted to keep him safe, I wanted to prolong his life for as long as I possibly could.”
Danae walked over to the cockpit and jumped down to the bench. Dominic slowly followed her.
“He had been expected to live for two years, and died just 11 months later. Died in my arms, in our bed, in our small house.” Danae paused before going on.
“He was a sailor too, you know.” Danae watched Dominic as he descended the steps to join her.
“We used to spend every waking minute at sea. He loved it. We both did. We bought a small house in Samos, but didn’t spend too much time there before we were wed. We were too busy exploring the islands and the coastline. Oh, Dominic, we had so much fun, life was truly wonderful.”
Dominic remained silent as he listened to Danae’s heart-rending tale.
“But do you know what my lasting memory of Pietr is, Dominic? It’s seeing him wasting away, lying in that bed day after day, week after week. It was my fault that he died early. I took away his will to live, his freedom to explore the sea and the islands. He often begged me to take him out on our boat. But I was too afraid, afraid that he would catch a chill, or fall over. I was afraid of so many things. I didn’t want my Pietr to die, but I also wasn’t allowing him to live.” Danae fell silent. She finished her drink and looked at Dominic, he hadn’t even touched his.
“Ok.” She suddenly stood up, and wiped her eyes. “I must prepare dinner.”
Dominic quickly got to his feet as she made her way to the steps. “Danae,” he called after her. “I’m sorry.”
Danae nodded and smiled softly, then she vanished into her cabin.
*
21 March 2005
I hurt him… I have to hurt him, he has to stop this.
I know I wrote that he comes first, and he fucking does, but Christ, Dom, this is going to make you ill.
I knew this would happen, I just knew it, that’s why I faced Hasad alone. But now it was all for nothing, because its affected you, and therefore affecting me, and I will not be able to push it aside completely until you come to terms with it.
Fuck it Dom, you can’t go on like this. I love you more than anything, but… but…
Christ I’ve got to get off this boat… I’m getting off… I need some space.
Dom, I fucking love you…
Elijah stared at the last line, he couldn’t think of anything else to write. It was hard enough making this entry, but he thought that if he could just write down how he felt, then that would help, maybe even diffuse the anger he was still feeling.
He looked up at the cabin window, and then put his journal away in the bedside drawer. It was getting dark outside, and he wondered what Dominic was doing. Probably brooding… probably fucking tearing himself up inside. Christ!
Well he wasn’t going to back down; tomorrow he was getting off the boat. He was sure than Danae would help him organize a trip to the volcano once they arrived at the island. Dominic could sit on board and fucking mope for all he cared.
But I do care. Elijah closed his eyes. And it’s because I care that I’m doing this. And I know you won’t understand, Dom. I just wish I could make you understand what you are doing to yourself...
Elijah looked across at the closed door. He could hear voices in the galley. He glanced at his watch and realised that it was Danae preparing their food. Well, he wasn’t hungry, and he was in no mood to face Dominic just yet. He would give it another half an hour, remove his ankle strapping, take a shower, then go to bed, although he doubted that he would sleep. Christ, what a fucking end to the day…
Dominic toyed with his food. He knew that Elijah was deliberately avoiding him. He hardly ever lost his temper like that, in fact he couldn’t ever remember Elijah being so bloody angry, and it was all his fault. Dominic placed his knife and fork down on the table, and rested his head in his hands. He felt mentally exhausted. Is it possible to love someone too much?
Dominic glanced up when he heard their cabin door open. Elijah looked paler than usual, and all Dominic wanted to do was get up from his seat and take his lover in his arms, and hold him close. But Elijah walked the short distance from the cabin to the store cupboard, retrieved a towel, and then retraced his steps without once looking over at Dominic.
Dominic went back to staring at his uneaten food; he felt like bawling his eyes out.
*
Elijah was asleep, or pretending to be asleep. Dominic finished drying himself off, and then sat, naked, on the edge of their bed. Elijah didn’t stir. Dominic had spent the last hour up on deck, trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings, but they were in such a jumble. He was mixed up, totally fucked, and if he carried on like this he was scared that he would lose Elijah. The one thing in the whole world that gripped him with unfathomable fear, was the very thought of not having Elijah in his life anymore. If this went on he was going to push him away. He could end up being responsible for the thing he feared most.
Dominic stood and glanced down at Elijah’s sleeping form. He probably wasn’t asleep, but Dominic couldn’t blame him for giving him the cold shoulder. He was becoming too much of a burden for Elijah to bear, he was sure of it, and that thought made his heart feel heavy and weary. He loved Elijah with every single atom of his being, if that was at all possible. He thought about him every second of the day, and had done so from the very first minute that they had met, all that time ago. Elijah was his life, but he was ruining everything that they had together, and that realisation hurt.
Dominic lifted the bed covers and slipped underneath them. He stared at the dark ceiling, blinking back tears. Elijah’s body shifted away from his… he was awake. All Dominic wanted to do was curl his own body around Elijah’s, and draw him into his arms, hold him tight, make him feel safe. Safe…
Dominic turned on his side, and placed one hand on Elijah’s warm thigh. I just want to protect you, my Lijah… why is that so wrong?
Danae’s voice, a strong voice of reason filtered into his thoughts. “You cannot keep him wrapped up in a box you know, Dominic. You cannot keep him tucked away, from everything and everyone. He is his own man, not a possession, to be wrapped up and kept safe.”
But I want to keep him safe, Dominic thought. I don’t want him to be hurt, not anymore.
Dominic recalled the look on Danae’s face as she told him about her husband; it was full of regret, and the wish that she had done things differently. I didn’t want my Pietr to die, but I also wasn’t allowing him to live.”
Dominic felt sleep edging in. I’m so sorry, Elijah… all I have ever done is love you…
*
“No!”
Dominic’s eyelids fluttered open.
“No… no...”
Elijah was moaning beside him…
“No… please…” A half strangled sob echoed around the small cabin.
“My God, Lij!” Dominic sat up and reached out for Elijah, his hand slipping on sweat covered skin. “Christ, Elijah!”
The noises coming from Elijah’s mouth now were frightening, choking sounds, retching sounds, gasping for air sounds.
“Lijah!” Dominic shook Elijah hard. “Wake up! Lij… wake up.”
Elijah’s eyes snapped open; his heart was hammering in his chest.
“Lij, baby… are you ok?” Dominic had never seen Elijah look so frightened before.
“Oh…Dom…” Elijah began to cry. His dream had been so real, he had been dying, his very life was being choked out of him by Hasad.
“Hey… it’s ok. You’re awake now. Come here…come here, Lij.”
Elijah scooted across the bed and into Dominic’s arms. “I’ve got you, you’re ok… you’re ok, baby, I’ve got you.” Dominic spoke softly to Elijah as he stroked his damp hair, and gradually Elijah began to relax.
Dominic lay back, pulling Elijah down with him. Elijah remained enfolded in Dominic’s embrace, not really wanting him to let go, and they were both still in each others arms when they were woken in the morning by the sun streaming in through the cabin window.
*
Danae was surprised to see two happy faces sitting down at the dining table, when she entered the galley to clear up after breakfast.
“Good morning.” She smiled at them both, as she busied herself removing items from the table. “Before we set sail, I must refuel, and pick up provisions, and I will see to the laundry as well, if you can have it ready for me.”
Both Dominic and Elijah nodded.
“When will we reach this volcano island?” Dominic asked, as he slipped his hand across the table to gently place it over Elijah’s.
Danae raised her eyebrows in surprise. This was the first time Dominic had ever shown the slightest bit of interest in any of the trip so far.
“It will take only one hour. We will be there by noon, and then I take Elijah to the agent who will organize transport to the volcano itself.”
“We’re both going.” Dominic looked at Elijah. “Aren’t we, Lij?”
Elijah nodded and entwined his fingers with Dominic’s. “Yes… yes, we are.”
“That’s good.” Danae felt like grinning from ear to ear, but kept her composure. “You won’t be disappointed.”
**
22 March 2005
Two things have been amazing today. The volcano… and Dom.
I know it wasn’t easy for Dom to leave the boat, but he did it, and I’m so fucking proud of him.
Last night I had nightmare, the same one, only this time it was worse. It scared the fucking life out of me, and I was so grateful that Dom was there. I cried like a baby in his arms, and then I felt like shit because of the way I had spoken to him yesterday afternoon.
And when morning came, we talked, or, should I say, Dom talked, and I listened and tried to understand. What amazes me is how two people can love each other, but love each other so differently. I mean, I love Dom, I’ll never love anyone else but him, and my love for him makes me happy, happier than I have ever been. Even after all these years together he is the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing before I go to sleep. He is my life and I cannot ever imagine him not being around. Having him around, and being able to share everything with him is a fucking complete joy.
However, Dom’s love for me is so different, not in terms of the depth of it, far from that, but in the fear that it stirs inside him. The constant fear of losing me seems to dominate a lot of his thinking, and this morning he acknowledged that yet again. And I told him that he just couldn’t go on like that… we couldn’t go on like that. And he agreed… through tears.
I told him we could take one day at a time, and asked him to come ashore. I told him I wanted my old Dom back, not the paranoid wreck that was developing in front of my eyes.
Dom cried… and I cried, and then he made love to me.
I fucking love you, Dominic, and we will get through this… we will.
**
Dominic and Elijah helped Danae to moor the boat. Then they took a taxi up the mountain to the village of Imerovigli.
*
The evening before, Dominic and Elijah had invited Danae to join them for a drink on deck as they watched the sun set over the red sands of Akrotiri beach. They didn’t say a lot, and remained in contented silence until Danae asked them a very interesting question.
She had a small holiday home on the island, would they like to spend one night ashore?
Elijah looked at Dominic for an answer, he knew what he wanted to do, but he didn’t want to push Dominic too soon, too quickly. Their afternoon, two days ago at the volcano on the island of Nea Kameni, had been a start, and today they spent a couple of hours walking and exploring the red beach and cliffs of Akrotiri. Elijah wasn’t sure that Dominic was ready to commit to a whole night on land.
“Yes…” Dominic nodded. “Yes, that would be nice.”
Elijah grinned and kissed Dominic full on the mouth, they could hear Danae’s laughter in the background.
*
“Tomorrow lunch time, I will come pick you up.” Danae finished putting provisions in the small refrigerator.
Her home was small, and compact, but it had a view to die for. It was situated on the highest point of Santorini island, four hundred metres above sea level, and on the edge of a cliff, away from the tourist area. Dominic and Elijah had never seen a view like it; nothing they had seen in New Zealand even came anywhere close.
“The water will be hot within one hour if you want to bathe. And here are the keys, if you decide to go for a walk.” Danae placed the keys on the small coffee table in the living room. Dominic and Elijah were glued to the large windows, Dominic’s arm wrapped around Elijah’s waist.
“Ok.” Danae smiled at them. “I am going now.”
“Umm… right… Elijah looked over his shoulder… thank you.”
“Yes, thank you.” Dominic added his reply.
“It’s my pleasure.” And with that Danae left them alone.
*
Their skin glowed from the dying rays of the sun. Pressed against the window, Elijah’s tense body began to relax as Dominic entered him, slowly at first, stretching him open, filling him up with his aching hardness.
“Oh, Lij…” Dominic closed his eyes as Elijah’s body closed in around him. “Oh God… Lijah…”
Slowly, inch-by-inch Dominic’s cock slid in, and Elijah’s gasps left little damp breath marks on the window pane.
Once he was all the way in, Dominic pressed his warm body against Elijah’s back, and wrapped one arm around Elijah’s hips, grasping hold of his hot cock.
Elijah rocked slightly, causing his grip on Dominic’s cock, buried so deeply inside him, to intensify.
“Oh…Lij…” Dominic moaned. He pressed his mouth against the back of Elijah’s neck. “I love you…” he whispered, as his mouth and tongue kissed the warm flesh beneath them. “I fucking love you…”
Elijah’s eyes opened and closed as Dominic moved inside him, withdrawing slightly before pushing back in. Every push sent jolts of electricity through his body, hardening his cock in Dominic’s hand even more. And as Dominic began to pump him in time with his own rhythm, everything started to become a blur… the setting sun, the magnificent view of the ocean… it all went out of focus as everything began to centre on the man who was deep inside him, the man who was holding him, and the pleasure that this man was ultimately giving him.
They both came together, something that didn’t happen very often, and as Elijah jerked in Dominic’s hand his muscles clenched down hard on Dominic’s cock, almost sending him into oblivion.
Oh… Lijah… Dominic didn’t even attempt to stop the tears that were beginning to form.
Reluctantly, as both their bodies slowly came back to earth, Dominic pulled himself free from Elijah, and he gently turned him around so that he could look at him. He then took Elijah’s face in his hands and kissed him, and, as Elijah’s arms encircled him, lovingly, he felt a happiness deep within himself that he had not felt in a long time.
As they pulled apart from the kiss, Elijah turned his head and kissed Dominic’s palm.
“Love you, Dom,” was all he said.
**
26 March 2005
It’s warmer, but not hot. We sailed from Santorini to Tilos yesterday. It took most of the day, but it passed pretty quickly.
Danae has been giving us lessons in sailing, and I am amazed at how quickly Dom is taking to it. She gave us a quick lesson in knot tying. Well forget it, on my part anyway. I just can’t do it, whereas Dom – who would have thought? - looked like he was born to it. A clove hitch… a rolling hitch, all of them look the fucking same to me.
Today we went ashore again. It is a tiny island; only 300 people live on it, which is incredible really.
I had read in my guidebook about a cave full of elephant skeletons, and when I told Dom that I wanted to go and see it, he thought I was mad, but see it we did. And boy, was it weird. I was expecting to see large skeletons, but they were small…tiny… pygmies or something.
Dom managed to take a few photographs, although none were allowed in the cave.
It’s been a good day… I can’t believe the difference in Dom. I just pray that it lasts.
**
29 March 2005
There are moments in time that will be etched in my memory forever. Bad times as well as good, but I never like to dwell on the bad times… only the good times. I can recall them all.
That first kiss with Dom at the airport, the first time I realised that I loved him, the first time we made love, the first time I made love to Dom. I could go on and on, and on this long trip there have been so many good times, most of them happened because of Dom. New Year’s Eve in the glass igloo in the middle of the fucking Arctic, my birthday in the hay hotel, the Orient Express, five days ago in Danae’s home… and again, this evening.
This evening was beautiful. After spending most of the day in Symi’s awesome harbour, Dom asked Danae if we could sail back out to sea, away from all the lights. Which she did without question.
It is the first time that we dropped anchor away from any port, and the silence and isolation was very profound.
We ate our evening meal - Danae is a fantastic cook – and then Dom disappeared into one of the spare cabins and came out with all the bedding bundled in his arms.
I asked him what he was doing and he said it was a surprise for me, so I followed him up on deck.
Danae had cleared the foredeck for us, and Dominic placed all the blankets and pillows down on the surface, he fussed about quite a bit, determined to get it just right and comfortable.
“Are we going to sleep out here?” I asked him, not sure that I was keen on the idea. It was pretty chilly and the deck did not make for a very good mattress.
“Don’t be a twat…” Dominic had laughed at me.
“Well, ok then…” I still didn’t have a clue what he was doing.
“Come on, lie down with me…” he reached out his hand and took mine.
Once we were as comfortable as we could be, Dom pulled a couple of blankets over our bodies.
“Look up, Lij,” he said. And I did, and what I saw literally took my breath away.
There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and even when we were in the Arctic I had not seen the night sky as was now. The Milky Way stretched across the sky, a band of light containing billions and billions of stars. I had never seen it so bright. Back in the States, where we live, we were lucky to see any stars at all with all the light pollution, but above us, now… it was fucking awesome. Words can barely describe it.
“It’s known as the backbone of the night. Did you know that, Elijah?”
Dominic comes out with the most amazing pieces of information sometimes.
“No… I never knew that.” I told him.
“It’s the edge of our galaxy, isn’t that fucking incredible?” He took hold of my hand underneath the blankets. “And if we’re lucky, we may see some meteorites.”
“Shooting stars?” I queried.
Dominic nodded and turned to look at me, then, I could just make out his features in the glow of the single oil lamp that was lit on deck.
“Shall we stay out here and watch for meteors, Lij?”
“That would be cool…” I huddled up closer to my Dom then, and he put his arm around me, and there we stayed, until it became too uncomfortable to stay there any longer.
It was special, special to us both, I could feel it in the way Dom was holding me, and whispering to me as he pointed out different areas of the night sky. And in the way he got excited when he saw a ‘star’ streak across the heavens.
The Dom who was lying up on deck with me this evening was the Dom that I fell in love with… I hope this Dom stays with me…
Continued here
Author/Email: Salogel (salogel42@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Dom/Elijah
Rating: NC17 (for a sexual situation)
Note: Chapter had to be split because LJ couldn't cope with all the pages I had written...*sighs*
Summary: Dom and Lij spend 4 weeks visiting the Greek Islands.
WARNING: Some angst!
Feedback: Yes please
Archive:LOTR Gutter
Disclaimer: None of this happened or will ever happen. It is all made up in my overactive mind.
Additional Notes: Any flashbacks are written as they happened, and not necessarily as a point of view.
Previous chapters can be found here.
World Trip
Chapter 22 – The Greek Islands
No… no… no!… Elijah snapped his eyes open instantly, and stared out into the darkness. His heart was racing and a layer of sweat covered his trembling body. He slowly turned onto his back and looked at the cabin window. Weak moonlight filtered in.
It’s just a dream… Elijah willed his pulse rate to slow down as he listened to Dominic’s gentle breathing. Just a dream… no more than a dream… He had been back in that restroom on the ship, and Hasad had been standing naked in front of him, his strong hands gripping at his throat, squeezing the life out of him.
Just a dream… Elijah breathed in deeply, trying to chase the last remnants of the dream away. He picked up his glasses and slipped them on, and then looked at his watch. It was 3am - there was no way he going to get back to sleep right now.
He quietly slipped out from beneath the warm bed covers, and pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt. He picked up his journal and made his way into the galley/living area of the boat. He switched on one of the wall lamps and then poured himself a glass of fruit juice from a container in the refrigerator. Then he took a seat at the table, and just stared at the wall.
Over a week had passed - well, nine days to be precise - since Hasad had attacked him, and Elijah had pushed that memory away, locked it up, and buried it. He hadn’t even written about it in his journal, because he wanted to forget it. Forget the whole sordid affair. But he hated the way that it had affected Dom, and that had been the main reason why he hadn’t told Dominic about Hasad in the first place. Fuck Hasad… fuck what he’d done to them… done to Dom. This wasn’t going to affect him, now… he wouldn’t let it. He was over it. Elijah sipped his drink, as his fingers mindlessly played with the leather ties on his journal. He was good at locking things away, and moving on; this would be no different.
Eventually Elijah stood up, journal in hand, and made his way to the wooden door that led to the companionway steps outside. He climbed them carefully, one at a time. He hadn’t put on his trainers, and his feet were cold the moment he stepped out on deck.
Just a few minutes out here, that’s all, just to clear my head… Elijah made his way to the side of the boat. It was rocking very slightly in the gentle breeze. He held onto the railings as he looked across the harbour to the port of Alopronoia on Sikinos Island. There were many boats anchored in the water, mainly fishing vessels. Danae had told him that in just a few short weeks, cruise ships would sail in and begin dominating the coastline.
Elijah had wanted to disembark the day before. Five days was a long time on this boat. He had really wanted to get his feet firmly on the ground and begin to explore, despite his injury - see what these magnificent islands had to offer. But Dominic had wanted to stay on board, despite gentle persuasion from Danae. In fact, Dominic had been adamant that he could see all he wanted from the boat. There was no need to go ashore at all. And besides, his strongest excuse yet was that Elijah wouldn’t be able to walk very far anyway, so what was the point?
Elijah had not wanted to argue, so he let it go. Danae had left them for a couple of hours that afternoon in order to replenish supplies for Quiet Storm.
*
“It does look beautiful, Dom.” Elijah stood, hands firmly holding onto the side of the boat as he looked out at the sloping cliffs. The warm early spring sunshine made the island look hotter than it actually was.
“There is a fortress up there, you know; part of the town is hidden within it. I bet that looks pretty awesome,” Elijah continued.
Dominic nodded. “Probably.” Then he turned to look at Elijah, and sighed. “Lij…I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“It’s just that I like being here, alone, with you.” Dominic took hold of Elijah’s hands. “We don’t need to go ashore, do we? This is nice… this is perfect.”
Elijah smiled and nodded. What could he say? Dominic was absolutely gripped with fear for his safety - that was so obvious.
“Yes… here is nice…” Elijah agreed as he looked down at their hands.
“And skipper lady has gone for a while, hasn’t she?” Dominic pulled Elijah away from the railings and into his arms. “We can fuck wherever we want.” Dominic brushed his mouth against Elijah’s ear; his breath was warm and moist against Elijah’s skin.
“Anywhere,” Dominic whispered, as his lips traveled along Elijah’s jaw line, before stopping at his mouth. “Where would you like to start?”
“How about right here.” Elijah placed his hand behind Dominic’s head and pulled his mouth down hard onto his own.
*
Elijah shivered as yesterday’s memory slipped away; he wouldn’t be able to stay on deck much longer, unless he put something warmer on. Maybe he would go down below and write in his journal, and sort out some of the information that he had to send to Sala once they returned to the mainland. Sleep still seemed to be a very long way off. He may as well do something constructive with his waking time.
“Elijah… is everything ok?”
Elijah looked around to find the source of the voice, and saw Danae closing her cabin door. She had two blankets slung over one shoulder, and two cups of steaming hot coffee in one hand.
“I heard you come up on deck. It’s my job to take notice.” She smiled at Elijah as she joined him at the side of the boat.
“Here.” Danae offered Elijah a blanket, which he took gratefully. He draped it around his shoulders and then took from her one of the cups of coffee.
“So, Elijah.” Danae began. “What brings you up on deck at three o’clock in the morning?” Danae sipped the hot liquid as she watched Elijah’s face, searching for an answer.
“Couldn’t sleep… that’s it, really.” Elijah looked out at the view again. “This is beautiful, Danae,” he said wanting to change the subject immediately. “You are so lucky to live here.”
Danae nodded. “It’s even more beautiful ashore, Elijah. If you were to go there.”
“I know, and we will…” Elijah thought about Dominic sound asleep in their bed. He turned to Danae and looked at her, she seemed genuinely concerned.
“I’m really sorry about Dom.”
“It’s ok, Elijah.”
“No, really…the way he speaks to you, the way he mostly ignores you.” Elijah paused before going on, trying to collect his thoughts. “Dom is not always like this… something… something happened…” Elijah’s voice trailed off.
Danae could see the troubled expression on Elijah’s face. “Come, Elijah, let’s sit down.”
Danae made her way down the steps to the bench. As Elijah went to follow he stumbled, dropping his cup. He watched the contents spill across the deck.
“Shit! I’m sorry.” He looked up at Danae apologetically.
“It’s not a problem.” Danae looked down at Elijah’s bare feet, noting how he was standing, favouring the injured foot.
“Fucking ankle,” Elijah murmured to himself as he half hopped down the steps to join Danae.
“It’s not healing is it, Elijah?” Danae asked as Elijah sat down beside her. “How long ago did you injure it?”
“Nine days…” Elijah lifted his foot to look at it. “I didn’t realise at the time just how badly I’d hurt it.” Elijah recalled how he had got onto his feet after Hasad had knocked him across the room, and how he had run at the bastard…
“It will not heal without treatment, Elijah. It looks very painful, and very bruised. You must have fallen very heavily.” Danae looked into Elijah’s eyes, and saw a hidden turmoil there. She wondered if his facial injuries happened at the same time.
“I can help, Elijah.” She offered in an attempt to break the tension that she could feel developing. “I am qualified in first aid, is that what you call it?”
Elijah just looked at her.
“I have to be able to look after myself when I am at sea, I cannot afford to be injured. I have to be able to treat myself. All sailors do.” She looked at Elijah’s foot again.
“Come below deck, let me see what I can do.”
*
“Shit, that’s cold!” Elijah gritted his teeth as he immersed his foot in a bucket of melting ice.
Danae chuckled. “Ice is the best thing. If you had done this immediately after your accident, then your foot would be well on its way to recovery by now.”
“Accident?” Elijah quietly repeated the word as he looked at the top of Danae’s head, she was busy scooping the ice segments over his foot, determined to cover every square inch.
Danae looked up at Elijah with questioning eyes. Not an accident?
Elijah swallowed hard, he didn’t know if he should say anything. He just wanted to fucking forget about it.
Danae turned her attention to the job in hand.
“I… I was attacked…” Elijah’s voice was low, barely more than a whisper.
Danae stopped what she was doing, drew in a deep breath, then picked up a towel and dried her hands. She then sat on the sofa a couple of feet away from Elijah in order to give him her full attention.
Elijah looked from the ice bucket to Danae’s enquiring face, and then back to the bucket again.
“I was attacked,” Elijah began to recall the hideous incident. “On a ship, nine days ago… it was pretty bad, too.” Elijah placed his fingers on his chin feeling the tenderness of the healing bruises beneath them. “But Dom has suffered more. Much more than me.”
“I’m so sorry, Elijah.” Danae felt her heart go out to the young man sitting beside her. “And Dom, was he injured too?”
Elijah shook his head as he looked up. “No…no, it only happened to me. Dom didn’t know… he… he found me.”
Danae nodded.
“You know, he’s not always like this, Danae.” Elijah was determined to get his point across. “This incident… this thing… it’s changed him, it really has.” Elijah felt his shoulders slump a little. “And I don’t know what to do. He’s been so hurt by it, he’s so afraid. Afraid for me… It’s fucking eating him up inside, just like I knew it would!”
“He loves you, Elijah, that is so evident.” Danae resumed her treatment on Elijah’s foot, pulling it free from the ice, and wrapping it in a warm towel. “I’m sure he will deal with it, in time, in his own way.”
“No… you see, that’s just the problem. He won’t be able to deal with it. Dom is not very good at dealing with things like this.” Elijah remembered their talk in Budapest, and how he was shaken to the very core by Dominic’s confession about ‘losing him’.
“Dom’s so emotional…” Elijah shook his head. “I wish I could pull him through this….” Elijah’s voice trailed off again.
Danae finished dabbing Elijah’s foot dry. “And you, Elijah?” she asked. “Are you over it?”
Elijah nodded. “I have to be strong for Dom.”
“But are you over it?” Danae asked again.
“Yes…” Elijah remembered the dream that had woken him, earlier. I have to be.
“Hold still.” Danae rested Elijah’s heel on her knee; he flinched slightly at the pressure he felt. Then Danae began to strap up his foot and ankle.
“What’s going on?” Dominic sleepily walked into the living area. He had heard voices, slipped on his jeans, and decided to investigate.
“Dom…” Elijah smiled broadly at Dominic as he walked over to join them.
“There.” Danae stood up. “If we repeat this procedure every evening for the next few days, I think you will find a vast improvement, Elijah. I shall look in my book to find exercises for you to do, too.”
“Lij?” Dominic looked confused. He put out his hand and Elijah took a hold of it. “What are you doing up?”
Elijah placed his strapped foot on the floor. He could already felt an improvement in it. “I couldn’t sleep, and look.” He wriggled his foot very cautiously. “Danae is fixing my foot.”
“That’s nice.” Dominic glanced over at Danae.
“It feels better already. I’ll be walking normally again in no time at all.”
“Great.” Dominic rubbed Elijah’s hand in his.
“Would you like a coffee, Dominic?” Danae asked, knowing the answer before it came.
“No, no thank you. “ Dominic replied without looking at her. He sat down beside Elijah. “You should’ve woken me, Lij. I could’ve helped.”
Danae took Dominic’s negative reply as a sign to leave them alone. “Excuse me…I will see you both in a few hours.” She turned to leave.
“Danae, thank you… thank you so much.” Elijah called after her.
Danae stopped and nodded, and then disappeared through her cabin door.
Dominic looked at Elijah’s foot and then back up to his tired features. “Come on, Lij,” he said, as he pulled Elijah to his feet. “Let’s get you back to bed.
**
Dominic was singing in the shower, and quite loudly, too. Elijah grinned to himself as he listened. In fact Dominic was not a bad singer; far better than he was. Elijah poured himself another glass of white wine and then opened his journal and looked over the written pages. He re-read all the entries that he had made since leaving Piraeus eight days ago. He had been able to keep up with his journal while they were on the boat, and he usually made a new entry while Dominic took his evening shower.
11 March 2005
This evening we arrived at the first of the islands. What a trip it was, too! It’s quite deceiving, sailing, that is. It literally feels as if we are moving through the water at some speed, but we’re not. It’s as little as ten miles an hour, which is so slow in terms of road travel. And it’s exhilarating… Dom and I spent most of the day just looking out at the water. It was so peaceful, and so beautiful, and I was surprised at just how wet we got. I mean, it doesn’t feel like we are getting wet, but the sea spray is constantly coming up on deck.
And it’s still cold. It’s actually a lot colder than I thought it would be. Poor Dom, he is so longing for the sun, or should I say the heat that the sun brings. We’ll get there eventually, Dommie, and that’s guaranteed.
Danae is going to take us around this island, Kythira over the next two days. I’m incredibly interested in the old monasteries of Agia Moni, Agia Elesa and Moni Myrtidion. They look fascinating in the guidebook – or my bible – as Dom insists on calling it.
But somehow I doubt that we will leave the boat. Dom is full of unease; in fact he only seems to relax when we are in bed together at night. I wish he could see that everything is ok.
***
13 March 2005
We didn’t disembark. I knew we wouldn’t. Dom is still too raw from the effects of what happened to me. Well, tomorrow we’re sailing to Sikinos, and from what I have read, there will be plenty of opportunities there to get off and see something of the island.
***
15 March 2005
We remained on board again today, despite Danae recommending that we spend at least a couple of hours ashore.
Dom just doesn’t want to leave this boat. I think he’s finding it a bit of a sanctuary, and I feel for him, I really do.
It would have been nice to go exploring. The island looks fantastic from here with its beaches and terraced landscapes dropping down to the sea.
I have to admit that I want to get off the boat, even to just sit in a tavern for an hour or two, but what can I do? I want Dom to be happy, and if it means remaining on the water for a while longer, then I suppose that’s what we’ll do… although we are going to have get off at some point.
I love him so much, and he comes first. Despite everything, he has to.
Elijah looked up from his journal, as he turned to a fresh page. A blank page always intrigued him, knowing it was going to be filled with his memories and thoughts. He wondered how often he would look back over this journal once they returned home at the end of the year.
He began his new entry…
18 March 2005
Yesterday we arrived at this island, Amorgos, and the view was stunning. Most of coastline is sheer cliffs, a fucking awesome sight. I’d wondered if there would be anywhere to anchor, then Danae brought us into this fantastic bay. I mean, well, I can’t really describe it – all these beautiful places and I always use words such an awesome or fantastic. This is more than that…more like… fucking awesomely fantastic… (I’m such a dork.)
We didn’t get off the boat yesterday or today. I’ve stopped suggesting to Dom that we visit any of the islands, now. There’s little point. But I just wonder how the fuck he is going to be when we return to Athens in just over two weeks time. I guess I’ll have to deal with that then…
“Pour us a glass, Lij.” Dominic emerged from the their bedroom, pulling a t-shirt down over his damp torso.
Elijah smiled as he closed his journal, and reached for a fresh glass for Dominic. As he poured the wine, Dominic took a seat opposite him.
“So, when are you going to let me read this, then?” Dominic tapped a finger on the cover of Elijah’s journal. “Or is it full of dark hidden secrets that you don’t want me to see?”
“Hardly.” Elijah smiled as he removed the journal out of Dominic’s reach. He tied it shut before placing it safely on the seat beside him. “It’s just full of travel stuff, nothing much at all. You’d be totally bored by it.”
“Hmmm…” Dominic took a drink from his wine glass. “Well, what with your notes and my pics we’ll have quite a travel log once we return home. We can bore the pants of Billy, one evening.” Dominic laughed at his suggestion. “Billy would love that.”
“He would, too…” Elijah grinned at the thought of Billy sitting through hours and hours of holiday pictures, trying to look interested, but being bored out of his skull.
“Wonder what he is up to?” Dominic mused as he ran a finger around the top of his glass. “We’ll have to call him once we’re back in Athens.”
Elijah nodded slightly as he watched Dominic’s expression. This was the first time he had mentioned anything about returning to the mainland.
“It is going to be alright isn’t it, Dom?”
“What do you mean, Lij?”
“Going back to Athens.”
“Of course it is. Why shouldn’t it be?” Dominic’s reply was a little curt.
“Well…” Elijah wondered if this was a good time to bring the subject up. “You haven’t wanted to leave the boat, have you?”
“Lij,” Dominic sighed heavily. “I’ve told you already. We don’t need to leave the boat. Why do we need to get off?”
“It doesn’t matter…” Elijah dropped the subject, then looked down into his empty glass.
“Oh, Lijah.” Dominic shuffled out of his seat and made his way around the table to sit next to Elijah, slipping his arm around his shoulders as he did so. “I just want you to get totally better, you know that. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”
“I know, Dom, and it’s wonderful that you think that. But really, I am fine. Everything is getting better, even my ankle is starting to mend, thanks to Danae. We could get off you know, at the next island.”
“You, need plenty of rest, Lijah. Loving and rest, and I can give you all of that right here. Don’t need to stand on any solid ground for that now, do we?”
Elijah turned to look at Dominic, his face only a few inches away from his own. All he could see was concern… love and concern, but there was still a lot of fear reflected in his eyes. God, I do love you, Dom.
Elijah decided to end any attempt at changing Dominic’s mind then. There was time for that later. He kissed him instead. He could taste the pine flavour of the wine on Dominic’s lips, which were cool and soft against his own.
Dominic brought his hand up to cradle Elijah’s chin as he pushed his tongue into his yielding mouth. Elijah closed his eyes at the sweet invasion, and his own tongue met Dominic’s as the kiss deepened. Dominic turned and knelt on the sofa, tilting Elijah’s face up to his.
We’re safe on this boat, Elijah… safe.
**
Elijah watched Danae furl the mainsail. She was quick and adept, and he was amazed by how neat and tidy everything looked once the sail was down. Danae always made sure that all the loose ends were tucked away; she certainly kept a smart ship.
Danae glanced up and smiled at Elijah as he watched her finish lashing the sail to the boom.
“Next time, would you like to help?” she asked. “You are becoming more able, Elijah, and I never say no to an extra pair of hands.”
“Cool.” Elijah grinned back at her. “That would be awesome. Maybe Dom can learn too.”
“Yes, maybe.” Danae stood up and brushed her hands down her jacket, knowing that Dominic would not show any incentive to learn. She had already come to the conclusion that he did not like her.
“Would you like to help with the fenders, Elijah? We will be mooring port side.”
“Sure, what do I do?”
Danae set about showing Elijah how to prepare to dock alongside the harbour wall, and he became so engrossed in helping her that he didn’t hear Dominic come up on deck.
“When can we visit the volcano, Danae?”
“It’s on one of Santorini’s smaller islands - perhaps tomorrow?” Danae answered.
Elijah nodded.
“That’s good, Elijah,” Danae smiled. “I’m glad that you going to get off the boat and see something at last. You’ve obviously made Dominic see sense, then.”
“Well…” Elijah began to answer.
“Elijah!”
Elijah whipped his head round and saw Dominic standing just a few feet away, and he looked totally pissed off.
Shit… Elijah glanced at Danae before standing up to face Dominic. “Oh, hi… Dom. I was just helping…”
“Get the fuck over here, Lij!”
Elijah rolled his eyes… Dominic had obviously heard him speaking to Danae about getting off the boat.
Dominic grabbed Elijah’s wrist and yanked him towards the stern of the boat.
“Don’t do that!”
Dominic ignored Elijah’s protest. “So, Lij. Have you made me see fucking sense then? I can’t believe you two are talking about me.”
“Dom, calm down.” Elijah rubbed his wrist; he was shocked at Dominic’s sudden outburst.
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down, Elijah… and we’re not leaving this boat. You know what we decided.”
“No…no, Dom. Not we. You.” Elijah looked out at the approaching harbour. “If you want to stay on board for yet another day, then go ahead, but I’ve asked Danae to take us to see this volcano, and I’m fucking well getting off to see it.”
“No you’re not.” Dominic shook his head. “You’re not, Lij.”
“Oh, is that right!” Elijah could feel anger brewing up inside him, anger at Dominic’s continuous smothering concern. “Well come on then, Dom, how the fuck are you going to stop me? Tell me… come on. I’m all fucking ears.”
Dominic swallowed hard. “Elijah…” he reached out and took Elijah’s hand. “You know how I feel…”
“Fuck it, Dom.” Elijah snatched his hand back. “How you feel? Well what about how I fucking feel for a change! It’s always about you!” He pushed past Dominic and disappeared through the companionway door to the deck below.
Dominic just stood there staring at the door as it slowly closed behind Elijah. Jesus Christ, Elijah. Don’t do this now. What we have here is perfect. Don’t go fucking ruining it.
“Is he alright?”
Dominic looked up at Danae as she approached. “Just stay out of it, ok,” he snapped at her. “It’s none of your business.”
“You are both passengers on my boat, Dominic. So it becomes my business.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Dominic turned his back on Danae and walked to the side of the boat. He’d give Elijah a few minutes to cool off, and then he would go down and speak to him, make him see sense.
Danae watched Dominic. She could see the droop in his shoulders; the hurt in his eyes was evident as he glanced around to look at her.
“You cannot keep him wrapped up in a box you know, Dominic.” Danae moved a little closer to him.
“What!” Dominic frowned as he turned to face her.
“Elijah. You cannot keep him tucked away from everything, and everyone.”
“What the fuck are you going on about?” Dominic couldn’t believe that she was talking to him in this way.
“He is his own man, Dominic. Not a possession, to be wrapped up and kept safe.”
“What?… Fuck!” Dominic walked around to the other side of the boat, trying to put some distance between himself and Danae. Fucking bitch, what did she know?
“I can understand your motives, Dominic, but they will not fare good.”
“Look.” Dominic swung around quickly. “I don’t have to listen to you, I know what you fucking think of me. So just back off… and leave us alone. Just sail the fucking boat, that’s what we’re paying you for.”
Danae could see the confusion and anger in Dominic’s face, and she felt for him. She had been in a similar position herself, a long time ago, and those memories were still raw, and they still had the capacity to hurt after all this time. She wanted to help Dominic, if only he would let her in.
“Dominic, I know what happened to Elijah.”
“What?”
“He told me, a few days ago.”
“For Christ’s sake.” Dominic closed his eyes tightly.
“You have been through an ordeal, both of you, a very frightening ordeal, but you cannot let it take over.”
Dominic snapped open his eyes and glared at her. “Jesus! I can’t believe we are having this conversation.”
“I feel your pain, Dominic.” Danae cautiously took another step closer.
“Oh piss off… feel my pain. What fucking crap is that? You have fucking no idea what I’ve been through, what I’m still going through.”
“Oh, but I have Dominic, I have.”
“Yeah, right…” Dominic jumped down into the cockpit; he needed to see Elijah right now, to sort this fucking situation out.
“If ever you want to talk, Dominic… I’m here.” Danae watched Dominic disappear through the doorway, not sure if he had heard her last words. I’ll be here for you both.
“Lij!” Dominic called Elijah’s name as he entered the living area. When he received no response, he called again. “Elijah!”
“What?” Elijah’s reply was sharp. He was lying on his back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling; the dining table obscured any view of him at first.
“You fucking told Danae!” Dominic walked around the table and looked down at Elijah.
“What?”
“About what happened.”
“Yes…I did.”
“Why did you fucking do that, Lij?”
“It just happened, that’s all. It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal! Jesus! You just don’t go telling people about our private lives.”
“Ah… here we go… telling me what to do again, are you?”
“What?”
“You’re getting pretty good at doing that just lately, Dom.”
“What! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Elijah didn’t answer. Arguing with Dominic never worked. He would get an idea in his head, and hold on to it, like a dog with a bone.
“Elijah?”
Elijah brought himself into a sitting position, and rested his hands on the table. God knows, he understood what Dominic was going through; he could hear the fucking pain in his voice as spoke to him right now. But this had to end, this fucking confinement, Dominic had to get a grip, come to terms with what happened. There was no fucking other way for it.
“I’m getting off this boat tomorrow, Dom, whether you come with me or not.” Elijah stared at his hands, refusing to look up at Dominic.
“No, Lij.” Dominic shook his head. “It’s too soon.”
“It’s not!” Elijah finally looked up into Dominic’s worried face. “Dom… will you listen to yourself, you’re… you’re acting…” Elijah searched for the word he needed.
“…. paranoid. That’s it.”
“Paranoid!” Dominic repeated the word. “Fucking hell, Lij! What do you expect…? Jesus! I can’t believe you are saying this to me.”
Elijah dropped his voice. “Well, you are.”
“I found you, Lijah. Fucking beaten and bruised.” Dominic’s voice began to crack. “And if wanting to look after you, and protect you, is so fucking wrong, well… well then… Oh just go fuck yourself, Elijah.” Dominic strode back over to the door and pulled it open. He didn’t look back as he heard Elijah call after him.
“Well fuck you too, Dom! I’m getting off the boat tomorrow, and don’t try fucking stopping me!”
Danae saw the companionway door swing open, and Dominic stumble up the steps, but she was unable to act upon it, as she slowly guided the boat into the harbour.
Dominic looked distressed as he paced from one side of the boat to the other, gripping and ungripping the railings, constantly muttering to himself.
My dear, Dominic, she thought. It doesn’t have to be like this.
As the boat began to come alongside, Danae gathered up the head mooring line and expertly threw it ashore. As there was no one there to help her berth, she jumped the gap between boat and dock, and grabbed hold of the line, and secured it to the shoreside bollard.
“Dominic!” Danae called to Dominic. “Would you please help me?”
Dominic didn’t hear her at first.
“Dominic!”
Dominic looked across the small gap at Danae, who was waiting patiently for him to acknowledge her.
“The stern line, Dominic, to the left of you. Would you throw it to me?”
Dominic just looked at her.
“Dominic, would you please throw me the line?”
Dominic blinked hard, and then looked down at the deck, he saw the rope neatly coiled, ready for use.
He picked it up, and held it up for her to see.
“Yes, thank you!” Danae positioned herself to catch the line. Dominic didn’t have far to throw it, so he shouldn’t miss.
It was a perfect throw for a novice. Danae caught the rope and finished securing the boat. Then she jumped back on board.
“Thank you Dominic, that was a great help.” Danae busied herself adjusting the fenders.
Dominic was standing watching her, his hands thrust deep inside his jeans pockets. He looked on the verge of tears.
Danae finished her usual routine for securing the boat. The sun was beginning to set, and she knew she had about an hour’s rest before preparing Dominic and Elijah’s evening meal.
Dominic still hovered, quietly and unobtrusively. It looked like the wind had been knocked right out of his sails. He looked pitiful, and worn down and she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
“Dominic… would you like a drink?”
Dominic looked at her, but didn’t reply.
“I’ll get us both a drink.” Danae disappeared into her cabin, and returned within minutes with two plastic cups containing a good measure of brandy in each. She handed one tentatively to Dominic, who hesitated for a moment before accepting it.
Danae walked over to the railings and leant on them, holding her cup in both hands. She looked out at the harbour as she spoke.
“My husband died very young, Dominic. We had only been married for one year.”
She took a long sip before turning around to face Dominic. “So you see…I do know your pain.”
Dominic swallowed hard, not sure what to make of Danae’s sudden announcement.
“We had only been married for a few weeks when he fell sick… headaches, falling over… convulsions.” Danae took another sip, the memories were old, but still very vivid.
“I know what it is like to be scared, Dominic. To have this fear buried so deep, that it is like a physical pain. We ended up becoming prisoners in our own home, Pietr hated it, I insisted on it. I wanted to keep him safe, I wanted to prolong his life for as long as I possibly could.”
Danae walked over to the cockpit and jumped down to the bench. Dominic slowly followed her.
“He had been expected to live for two years, and died just 11 months later. Died in my arms, in our bed, in our small house.” Danae paused before going on.
“He was a sailor too, you know.” Danae watched Dominic as he descended the steps to join her.
“We used to spend every waking minute at sea. He loved it. We both did. We bought a small house in Samos, but didn’t spend too much time there before we were wed. We were too busy exploring the islands and the coastline. Oh, Dominic, we had so much fun, life was truly wonderful.”
Dominic remained silent as he listened to Danae’s heart-rending tale.
“But do you know what my lasting memory of Pietr is, Dominic? It’s seeing him wasting away, lying in that bed day after day, week after week. It was my fault that he died early. I took away his will to live, his freedom to explore the sea and the islands. He often begged me to take him out on our boat. But I was too afraid, afraid that he would catch a chill, or fall over. I was afraid of so many things. I didn’t want my Pietr to die, but I also wasn’t allowing him to live.” Danae fell silent. She finished her drink and looked at Dominic, he hadn’t even touched his.
“Ok.” She suddenly stood up, and wiped her eyes. “I must prepare dinner.”
Dominic quickly got to his feet as she made her way to the steps. “Danae,” he called after her. “I’m sorry.”
Danae nodded and smiled softly, then she vanished into her cabin.
*
21 March 2005
I hurt him… I have to hurt him, he has to stop this.
I know I wrote that he comes first, and he fucking does, but Christ, Dom, this is going to make you ill.
I knew this would happen, I just knew it, that’s why I faced Hasad alone. But now it was all for nothing, because its affected you, and therefore affecting me, and I will not be able to push it aside completely until you come to terms with it.
Fuck it Dom, you can’t go on like this. I love you more than anything, but… but…
Christ I’ve got to get off this boat… I’m getting off… I need some space.
Dom, I fucking love you…
Elijah stared at the last line, he couldn’t think of anything else to write. It was hard enough making this entry, but he thought that if he could just write down how he felt, then that would help, maybe even diffuse the anger he was still feeling.
He looked up at the cabin window, and then put his journal away in the bedside drawer. It was getting dark outside, and he wondered what Dominic was doing. Probably brooding… probably fucking tearing himself up inside. Christ!
Well he wasn’t going to back down; tomorrow he was getting off the boat. He was sure than Danae would help him organize a trip to the volcano once they arrived at the island. Dominic could sit on board and fucking mope for all he cared.
But I do care. Elijah closed his eyes. And it’s because I care that I’m doing this. And I know you won’t understand, Dom. I just wish I could make you understand what you are doing to yourself...
Elijah looked across at the closed door. He could hear voices in the galley. He glanced at his watch and realised that it was Danae preparing their food. Well, he wasn’t hungry, and he was in no mood to face Dominic just yet. He would give it another half an hour, remove his ankle strapping, take a shower, then go to bed, although he doubted that he would sleep. Christ, what a fucking end to the day…
Dominic toyed with his food. He knew that Elijah was deliberately avoiding him. He hardly ever lost his temper like that, in fact he couldn’t ever remember Elijah being so bloody angry, and it was all his fault. Dominic placed his knife and fork down on the table, and rested his head in his hands. He felt mentally exhausted. Is it possible to love someone too much?
Dominic glanced up when he heard their cabin door open. Elijah looked paler than usual, and all Dominic wanted to do was get up from his seat and take his lover in his arms, and hold him close. But Elijah walked the short distance from the cabin to the store cupboard, retrieved a towel, and then retraced his steps without once looking over at Dominic.
Dominic went back to staring at his uneaten food; he felt like bawling his eyes out.
*
Elijah was asleep, or pretending to be asleep. Dominic finished drying himself off, and then sat, naked, on the edge of their bed. Elijah didn’t stir. Dominic had spent the last hour up on deck, trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings, but they were in such a jumble. He was mixed up, totally fucked, and if he carried on like this he was scared that he would lose Elijah. The one thing in the whole world that gripped him with unfathomable fear, was the very thought of not having Elijah in his life anymore. If this went on he was going to push him away. He could end up being responsible for the thing he feared most.
Dominic stood and glanced down at Elijah’s sleeping form. He probably wasn’t asleep, but Dominic couldn’t blame him for giving him the cold shoulder. He was becoming too much of a burden for Elijah to bear, he was sure of it, and that thought made his heart feel heavy and weary. He loved Elijah with every single atom of his being, if that was at all possible. He thought about him every second of the day, and had done so from the very first minute that they had met, all that time ago. Elijah was his life, but he was ruining everything that they had together, and that realisation hurt.
Dominic lifted the bed covers and slipped underneath them. He stared at the dark ceiling, blinking back tears. Elijah’s body shifted away from his… he was awake. All Dominic wanted to do was curl his own body around Elijah’s, and draw him into his arms, hold him tight, make him feel safe. Safe…
Dominic turned on his side, and placed one hand on Elijah’s warm thigh. I just want to protect you, my Lijah… why is that so wrong?
Danae’s voice, a strong voice of reason filtered into his thoughts. “You cannot keep him wrapped up in a box you know, Dominic. You cannot keep him tucked away, from everything and everyone. He is his own man, not a possession, to be wrapped up and kept safe.”
But I want to keep him safe, Dominic thought. I don’t want him to be hurt, not anymore.
Dominic recalled the look on Danae’s face as she told him about her husband; it was full of regret, and the wish that she had done things differently. I didn’t want my Pietr to die, but I also wasn’t allowing him to live.”
Dominic felt sleep edging in. I’m so sorry, Elijah… all I have ever done is love you…
*
“No!”
Dominic’s eyelids fluttered open.
“No… no...”
Elijah was moaning beside him…
“No… please…” A half strangled sob echoed around the small cabin.
“My God, Lij!” Dominic sat up and reached out for Elijah, his hand slipping on sweat covered skin. “Christ, Elijah!”
The noises coming from Elijah’s mouth now were frightening, choking sounds, retching sounds, gasping for air sounds.
“Lijah!” Dominic shook Elijah hard. “Wake up! Lij… wake up.”
Elijah’s eyes snapped open; his heart was hammering in his chest.
“Lij, baby… are you ok?” Dominic had never seen Elijah look so frightened before.
“Oh…Dom…” Elijah began to cry. His dream had been so real, he had been dying, his very life was being choked out of him by Hasad.
“Hey… it’s ok. You’re awake now. Come here…come here, Lij.”
Elijah scooted across the bed and into Dominic’s arms. “I’ve got you, you’re ok… you’re ok, baby, I’ve got you.” Dominic spoke softly to Elijah as he stroked his damp hair, and gradually Elijah began to relax.
Dominic lay back, pulling Elijah down with him. Elijah remained enfolded in Dominic’s embrace, not really wanting him to let go, and they were both still in each others arms when they were woken in the morning by the sun streaming in through the cabin window.
*
Danae was surprised to see two happy faces sitting down at the dining table, when she entered the galley to clear up after breakfast.
“Good morning.” She smiled at them both, as she busied herself removing items from the table. “Before we set sail, I must refuel, and pick up provisions, and I will see to the laundry as well, if you can have it ready for me.”
Both Dominic and Elijah nodded.
“When will we reach this volcano island?” Dominic asked, as he slipped his hand across the table to gently place it over Elijah’s.
Danae raised her eyebrows in surprise. This was the first time Dominic had ever shown the slightest bit of interest in any of the trip so far.
“It will take only one hour. We will be there by noon, and then I take Elijah to the agent who will organize transport to the volcano itself.”
“We’re both going.” Dominic looked at Elijah. “Aren’t we, Lij?”
Elijah nodded and entwined his fingers with Dominic’s. “Yes… yes, we are.”
“That’s good.” Danae felt like grinning from ear to ear, but kept her composure. “You won’t be disappointed.”
**
22 March 2005
Two things have been amazing today. The volcano… and Dom.
I know it wasn’t easy for Dom to leave the boat, but he did it, and I’m so fucking proud of him.
Last night I had nightmare, the same one, only this time it was worse. It scared the fucking life out of me, and I was so grateful that Dom was there. I cried like a baby in his arms, and then I felt like shit because of the way I had spoken to him yesterday afternoon.
And when morning came, we talked, or, should I say, Dom talked, and I listened and tried to understand. What amazes me is how two people can love each other, but love each other so differently. I mean, I love Dom, I’ll never love anyone else but him, and my love for him makes me happy, happier than I have ever been. Even after all these years together he is the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing before I go to sleep. He is my life and I cannot ever imagine him not being around. Having him around, and being able to share everything with him is a fucking complete joy.
However, Dom’s love for me is so different, not in terms of the depth of it, far from that, but in the fear that it stirs inside him. The constant fear of losing me seems to dominate a lot of his thinking, and this morning he acknowledged that yet again. And I told him that he just couldn’t go on like that… we couldn’t go on like that. And he agreed… through tears.
I told him we could take one day at a time, and asked him to come ashore. I told him I wanted my old Dom back, not the paranoid wreck that was developing in front of my eyes.
Dom cried… and I cried, and then he made love to me.
I fucking love you, Dominic, and we will get through this… we will.
**
Dominic and Elijah helped Danae to moor the boat. Then they took a taxi up the mountain to the village of Imerovigli.
*
The evening before, Dominic and Elijah had invited Danae to join them for a drink on deck as they watched the sun set over the red sands of Akrotiri beach. They didn’t say a lot, and remained in contented silence until Danae asked them a very interesting question.
She had a small holiday home on the island, would they like to spend one night ashore?
Elijah looked at Dominic for an answer, he knew what he wanted to do, but he didn’t want to push Dominic too soon, too quickly. Their afternoon, two days ago at the volcano on the island of Nea Kameni, had been a start, and today they spent a couple of hours walking and exploring the red beach and cliffs of Akrotiri. Elijah wasn’t sure that Dominic was ready to commit to a whole night on land.
“Yes…” Dominic nodded. “Yes, that would be nice.”
Elijah grinned and kissed Dominic full on the mouth, they could hear Danae’s laughter in the background.
*
“Tomorrow lunch time, I will come pick you up.” Danae finished putting provisions in the small refrigerator.
Her home was small, and compact, but it had a view to die for. It was situated on the highest point of Santorini island, four hundred metres above sea level, and on the edge of a cliff, away from the tourist area. Dominic and Elijah had never seen a view like it; nothing they had seen in New Zealand even came anywhere close.
“The water will be hot within one hour if you want to bathe. And here are the keys, if you decide to go for a walk.” Danae placed the keys on the small coffee table in the living room. Dominic and Elijah were glued to the large windows, Dominic’s arm wrapped around Elijah’s waist.
“Ok.” Danae smiled at them. “I am going now.”
“Umm… right… Elijah looked over his shoulder… thank you.”
“Yes, thank you.” Dominic added his reply.
“It’s my pleasure.” And with that Danae left them alone.
*
Their skin glowed from the dying rays of the sun. Pressed against the window, Elijah’s tense body began to relax as Dominic entered him, slowly at first, stretching him open, filling him up with his aching hardness.
“Oh, Lij…” Dominic closed his eyes as Elijah’s body closed in around him. “Oh God… Lijah…”
Slowly, inch-by-inch Dominic’s cock slid in, and Elijah’s gasps left little damp breath marks on the window pane.
Once he was all the way in, Dominic pressed his warm body against Elijah’s back, and wrapped one arm around Elijah’s hips, grasping hold of his hot cock.
Elijah rocked slightly, causing his grip on Dominic’s cock, buried so deeply inside him, to intensify.
“Oh…Lij…” Dominic moaned. He pressed his mouth against the back of Elijah’s neck. “I love you…” he whispered, as his mouth and tongue kissed the warm flesh beneath them. “I fucking love you…”
Elijah’s eyes opened and closed as Dominic moved inside him, withdrawing slightly before pushing back in. Every push sent jolts of electricity through his body, hardening his cock in Dominic’s hand even more. And as Dominic began to pump him in time with his own rhythm, everything started to become a blur… the setting sun, the magnificent view of the ocean… it all went out of focus as everything began to centre on the man who was deep inside him, the man who was holding him, and the pleasure that this man was ultimately giving him.
They both came together, something that didn’t happen very often, and as Elijah jerked in Dominic’s hand his muscles clenched down hard on Dominic’s cock, almost sending him into oblivion.
Oh… Lijah… Dominic didn’t even attempt to stop the tears that were beginning to form.
Reluctantly, as both their bodies slowly came back to earth, Dominic pulled himself free from Elijah, and he gently turned him around so that he could look at him. He then took Elijah’s face in his hands and kissed him, and, as Elijah’s arms encircled him, lovingly, he felt a happiness deep within himself that he had not felt in a long time.
As they pulled apart from the kiss, Elijah turned his head and kissed Dominic’s palm.
“Love you, Dom,” was all he said.
**
26 March 2005
It’s warmer, but not hot. We sailed from Santorini to Tilos yesterday. It took most of the day, but it passed pretty quickly.
Danae has been giving us lessons in sailing, and I am amazed at how quickly Dom is taking to it. She gave us a quick lesson in knot tying. Well forget it, on my part anyway. I just can’t do it, whereas Dom – who would have thought? - looked like he was born to it. A clove hitch… a rolling hitch, all of them look the fucking same to me.
Today we went ashore again. It is a tiny island; only 300 people live on it, which is incredible really.
I had read in my guidebook about a cave full of elephant skeletons, and when I told Dom that I wanted to go and see it, he thought I was mad, but see it we did. And boy, was it weird. I was expecting to see large skeletons, but they were small…tiny… pygmies or something.
Dom managed to take a few photographs, although none were allowed in the cave.
It’s been a good day… I can’t believe the difference in Dom. I just pray that it lasts.
**
29 March 2005
There are moments in time that will be etched in my memory forever. Bad times as well as good, but I never like to dwell on the bad times… only the good times. I can recall them all.
That first kiss with Dom at the airport, the first time I realised that I loved him, the first time we made love, the first time I made love to Dom. I could go on and on, and on this long trip there have been so many good times, most of them happened because of Dom. New Year’s Eve in the glass igloo in the middle of the fucking Arctic, my birthday in the hay hotel, the Orient Express, five days ago in Danae’s home… and again, this evening.
This evening was beautiful. After spending most of the day in Symi’s awesome harbour, Dom asked Danae if we could sail back out to sea, away from all the lights. Which she did without question.
It is the first time that we dropped anchor away from any port, and the silence and isolation was very profound.
We ate our evening meal - Danae is a fantastic cook – and then Dom disappeared into one of the spare cabins and came out with all the bedding bundled in his arms.
I asked him what he was doing and he said it was a surprise for me, so I followed him up on deck.
Danae had cleared the foredeck for us, and Dominic placed all the blankets and pillows down on the surface, he fussed about quite a bit, determined to get it just right and comfortable.
“Are we going to sleep out here?” I asked him, not sure that I was keen on the idea. It was pretty chilly and the deck did not make for a very good mattress.
“Don’t be a twat…” Dominic had laughed at me.
“Well, ok then…” I still didn’t have a clue what he was doing.
“Come on, lie down with me…” he reached out his hand and took mine.
Once we were as comfortable as we could be, Dom pulled a couple of blankets over our bodies.
“Look up, Lij,” he said. And I did, and what I saw literally took my breath away.
There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and even when we were in the Arctic I had not seen the night sky as was now. The Milky Way stretched across the sky, a band of light containing billions and billions of stars. I had never seen it so bright. Back in the States, where we live, we were lucky to see any stars at all with all the light pollution, but above us, now… it was fucking awesome. Words can barely describe it.
“It’s known as the backbone of the night. Did you know that, Elijah?”
Dominic comes out with the most amazing pieces of information sometimes.
“No… I never knew that.” I told him.
“It’s the edge of our galaxy, isn’t that fucking incredible?” He took hold of my hand underneath the blankets. “And if we’re lucky, we may see some meteorites.”
“Shooting stars?” I queried.
Dominic nodded and turned to look at me, then, I could just make out his features in the glow of the single oil lamp that was lit on deck.
“Shall we stay out here and watch for meteors, Lij?”
“That would be cool…” I huddled up closer to my Dom then, and he put his arm around me, and there we stayed, until it became too uncomfortable to stay there any longer.
It was special, special to us both, I could feel it in the way Dom was holding me, and whispering to me as he pointed out different areas of the night sky. And in the way he got excited when he saw a ‘star’ streak across the heavens.
The Dom who was lying up on deck with me this evening was the Dom that I fell in love with… I hope this Dom stays with me…
Continued here