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fellowshippers2004-01-09 12:44 pm
ex-salwood.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-01-09 12:44 pm
World Trip - Chapter 20
Title: World Trip 20/?
Author/Email: Salogel (salogel42@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Dom/Elijah
Rating: R (for swearing..loads of it))
Summary: Dom and Lij arrive in Athens.
WARNING: Tons of angst.
Feedback: Yes please
Archive:LOTR Gutter
Disclaimer: None of this happened or will ever happen. It is all made up in my overactive mind.
Additional Notes: Any flashbacks are written as they happened, and not necessarily as a point of view.
Previous chapters can be found here.
World Trip
Chapter 20 – Arrival in Athens
Dominic did not look up when the hotel waiter removed the cup of cold coffee from the table in front of him. He also did not reply when the waiter asked him if he would like a fresh cup. Dominic was oblivious to everything going on around him. How he ever managed to make it to the hotel was a miracle… a fucking miracle. The past three hours had been nothing but a blur… a blur of confusion, anger and heartbreak…too much fucking heartbreak.
Images… images of Elijah standing in front of him, looking ragged and beaten. Images of fucking Hasad sneering at him, and goading him. And confusion… so much confusion. Why hadn’t Elijah told him? Jesus Christ, he couldn’t understand why Elijah didn’t tell him about it. Fucking told the stewards though. Anger… plenty of anger. Fuck it, Elijah! Didn’t you think how I would feel?
“Shit!” Dominic kicked out at the small coffee table in front of him. It made a loud screeching noise as it scraped across the wooden floor before bumping into a chair seating a stern looking man. But Dominic ignored it, in the same way as he ignored the startled looks of the annoyed man and his partner as well as other guests in the hotel bar.
You didn’t fucking tell me, and that hurts… that hurts too much… fuck it Lij. Fuck it! Dominic stared at the table now a few feet away from him. But you asked some unknown fucking steward, someone who doesn’t know you, doesn’t care about you. You asked some fucking stranger, and kept me in the dark. Fucking why, Lij? Fucking why?
Dominic leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees, trying to understand, but completely failing to comprehend the whole scenario.
“You didn’t fucking tell me…” Dominic was more than aware that he was now speaking out loud to himself. “You didn’t tell me, Lijah. You let the fucker touch you and grope you, and you didn’t tell me. I don’t get it! I don’t fucking get it at all!”
Dominic heard the man opposite him respond curtly to his outspoken thoughts. Although he couldn’t understand what he was saying, he could tell that he was complaining to the woman sitting opposite him, and complaining quite loudly, too. Fuck him. He didn’t care. What the fuck did they know anyway? Fuck them all.
A figure appeared in front of Dominic and he looked up. It was the waiter again. Why couldn’t people just piss off and leave him alone? He needed to be alone… he was alone. He’d left him. He’d left Elijah on the ship… Well, he doesn’t need me anymore. He fucking told me so.
“May I get you something, sir?” The waiter stood patiently waiting for an answer. He had not failed to notice Dominic’s suitcase and travel bag, which had been unceremoniously dumped on the floor beside the chair he was occupying. If he was a guest at this hotel, then he had not yet booked in, and it was because of that, that the waiter decided to keep a close eye on Dominic. He didn’t want any trouble in his bar, and for some reason he thought that Dominic looked like trouble.
“Sir?” he asked again.
“What?” Dominic snapped… his train of thought now lost.
“May I get you a drink?”
“No!” Dominic answered harshly and then looked up at the waiter’s concerned face “No… no thank you.”
The waiter frowned before nodding, and then he left Dominic on his own once more.
Dominic watched the waiter as he weaved his way through the tables and chairs and back to the bar. Maybe he should get a drink, though. Get pissed… wipe away the fucking memories. Delete, if only temporarily, Hasad’s nauseating comments to him. How could Elijah let that happen… what was he fucking thinking?
“Christ!” Dominic stood up pushing his heavy chair backwards as he did so.
The people sitting in front of him muttered something out loud once more, and Dominic felt like turning on them, wanting them to shut the fuck up. He stepped forward and gripped the back of the man’s chair with one hand, and stared down at them. They were an elderly couple; he’d seen people like them before. Fucking thought that they were superior to all those around him. Think they own the fucking planet. Well what did they know? Nothing!
The elderly man stood up and started to jabber at Dominic, but Dominic ignored him, bloody fucker…fucking wanker… fucking…fucking…
Dominic suddenly held his breath. The idiot in front of him melted away as over the man’s shoulder Dominic watched Elijah enter the hotel. He could see him struggling in through the double doors with his case, and then he saw him drop it, and then bend down to attempt to pick it up. A porter hurried over to assist him, and Dominic watched Elijah rub his hand over his left shoulder. He looked in pain. More than in pain, he looked wretched.
Dominic, while still ignoring the arsehole in front of him, managed to push past the stocky man and complaining woman. He couldn’t take his eyes off Elijah. All of a sudden Elijah seemed to look smaller, slighter, more fucking vulnerable than he had ever seen him before. He looked pale… so pale…
Oh…Lijah…
Dominic positioned himself behind the drapes which adorned the entrance into the bar from the lobby area. There were potted plants on each side of the doors too, enough to conceal him from Elijah’s sight.
Elijah was still wearing the same clothes that he’d had on when he was attacked, and just seeing him in this state made Dominic want to go to him, but he held back. Of course he held back … don’t fucking need me…do you Lij? Don’t fucking care how I feel…I could have found you dead… fucking dead…and where would that have left me? You didn’t fucking need me, Lijah… you didn’t need me…
Dominic could feel himself trembling with anger, and with grief. He gripped the velvet fabric, which was camouflaging him so well. He watched Elijah speak to the receptionist behind the desk, and saw his head lower and his eyes close as the receptionist looked at her computer screen and shook her head.
Elijah looked up and around the large hotel lobby. He looked so tired, so exhausted, so fucking alone.
Dominic swallowed hard as he felt hot tears prick his eyes. Then he watched Elijah check his watch, and then pull out his mobile phone from his jeans pocket. He knew that Elijah was calling him, but he had his phone deliberately switched off. Then he saw Elijah’s shoulders visibly sag as he replaced the phone into his pocket.
Can’t fucking talk to you Elijah…Jesus Christ…but I love you… why did you do this… fucking why?
Dominic continued to watch his lover from his place of concealment. He saw Elijah speak to the porter who had helped him earlier, and then he watched them both walk over to the elevator. Elijah was limping quite badly.
“Shit!” Dominic clenched and unclenched his fist. He needed to go to him, Elijah needed him, any fucking fool could see that. Yeah, needs me now, but what about this morning? Didn’t need me then… he’s on his own…he’s chosen to be on his own…he’s brought this all on himself…
“Jesus!” Dominic turned away from the lobby. He felt like he wanted to smash the place up, vent his fucking anger, and cause some fucking hurt of his own. Doesn’t Elijah realise just how fucking much he loved him, didn’t he realise how much this would hurt him?
“God!” Dominic walked back over to his seat, deliberately bumping into tables and chairs as he went. He totally ignored Mr Fucking Perfect as he went over to his abandoned luggage. He picked up his travel bag and hoisted it over his shoulder, and then bent down to pick up his suitcase, he had to get out of there… then he saw Elijah in his mind’s eye asking the receptionist if he had booked in yet, and then his defeated look when the answer was no.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Dominic slung his travel bag back down onto the floor. He didn’t know what to fucking do. Christ, Elijah…why?
**
Elijah thanked the porter, tipped him, and then closed the door behind him. He made his way over to the large bed and sat down on the edge of it. He stared at the floor.
“Where are you, Dom?” He whispered loudly. “Where are you?” Elijah squeezed his eyes shut determined not to start crying again, but he was fighting a losing battle. Sobs took over as he rested his head in his hands. I’m so sorry Dom… please… please don’t be gone…please… I have to talk to you… God, Dom… where are you?
Elijah eventually wiped his eyes - they felt sore and scratchy and swollen. He stood up and walked over to the large window at the far end of the room. It was a beautiful day. He looked down to the pavement and saw people bustling around, going about their day-to-day business. Dominic was out there somewhere and Elijah felt scared, because he knew that Dominic would be hurting, and hurting badly… Dommie, I’m sorry…I really am so sorry…
Elijah pulled out his mobile phone once more and dialed Dominic’s number. He knew it would be futile, and it was. Where are you?…Where did you go?
Elijah turned to the bed and tossed the useless phone onto the bed covers. He didn’t have a clue what to do now, so he just sat down again, and waited. Waited for what?
**
Dominic paced… back and forth. Christ his mind was in turmoil. He should go upstairs, speak to Elijah, and make sure he was all right. He didn’t even know how badly injured he was. Some fucking boyfriend you are. Yeah, but he went behind my back, didn’t need my help, he can fucking deal with it. Dominic stopped and stood still. What did that fucking bastard Hasad do to him? How much fucking pain did he cause him? Christ… I don’t know what to fucking do. Can’t someone tell me what to fucking do?
“Excuse me, sir.” The voice made Dominic jump and he whirled around to see who the owner was. He didn’t recognise the man.
“Are you a guest at this hotel?” The unknown man asked.
Dominic saw the waiter hovering in the background and guessed that the man now standing in front of him was another member of staff.
“Yes…” Dominic answered gruffly.
“May I see your reservation?”
“I don’t have it.” Elijah always had the paperwork on him; after all they always booked in everywhere together.
“Do you have your passport on you, sir?”
Dominic nodded and then closed his eyes. He suddenly felt very weary.
“Will you come with me to the desk, please?” It was an order more than a request, and Dominic knew that he would have to comply. He picked up his bag, but left the case where it was and followed the man into the large lobby.
Within minutes he was booked in, his name beside Elijah’s on the computer screen. He turned and looked at the closed elevator door. Two floors up was his love, his Elijah. In less than five minutes he could be with him, holding him, kissing him, telling him that he loved him and that none of what had transpired earlier that day mattered. None of it.
But it did fucking matter. It mattered a great deal. Dominic went back into the bar, and this time he ordered a drink. The waiter smiled at him, obviously feeling embarrassed that he had reported Dominic to the management. Fucker, Dominic thought. There are always others poking their fucking noses in. He downed a tumbler of whiskey in one go, and then asked for another.
**
Elijah stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and used another to dry his hair. He dug his glasses out of his travel bag and slipped them on. They felt slightly strange, as this was the first time he had worn them in over a week. Then he looked at his damaged shirt, and jeans, which he had dumped on the bed when he had undressed. He picked both items of clothing up, and without a second thought he dropped them into the waste bin. He looked at the bin for a while before turning to his suitcase. He unlocked it and then briefly rummaged amongst its contents before finding something clean to wear. He pulled on his clothes, and then he tried his mobile phone one more time.
Nothing…
It would be evening soon, and then what - call the police? And tell them what? Jesus, what a complete fucking mess.
Elijah looked at his case again, and wondered if it was worth unpacking it. Dominic just had to turn up; he couldn’t not turn up, could he? But he’d hurt him… Christ, Dom, if you would just let me talk to you, explain everything, help you understand. I know we can get through this, I just fucking know it… just give me the chance.
Elijah sat on the bed. His body was starting to ache now from the pummeling he had received that morning. He dragged his travel bag onto his lap, and removed his journal. It was starting to look a little battered, now with all the traveling it had done.
The book was full of memories, wonderful memories. Elijah ran his fingers over the gold lettering on the cover, remembering when Dominic had given him the journal on Christmas Day all those weeks ago in Lapland. He turned to the very first entry and re-read it.
1 January 2005
I love Dom
“And I do…” Elijah spoke quietly to himself. “More than anything...” That’s why what happened, happened, Dommie…you have to understand that…
Elijah turned his journal over and opened it to the back page. He removed a number of sheets of folded paper. Most of them were e-mails from Sala. He looked over them, remembering when he had sat and read them in private, making amendment upon amendment to their contents. His scrawling handwriting was all over them in his desperate attempt to get things just right.
And there was his drawing, folded neatly amongst them. It was looking a little creased now. Dominic had wanted to see the original, he still didn’t know about this one. This was going to be part of his gift… if… if he ever got the chance, now, to give it to Dominic.
Elijah turned to his last entry, and tried to ignore it. In fact he didn’t want it in his journal anymore, so he put a line through it. Fucking Hasad was gone, no fucking more… and even though the bastard hadn’t succeeded in what he had set out to do, he had caused devastation nonetheless.
Elijah began to write…
6 March 2005
I miss you Dom… I miss you, and I’m sorry, and I want you to come back.
I don’t know where you are, all I do know is that you are not here, with me when I need you so much.
I love you…
Elijah closed his journal, unable to write anymore. He slipped all the other paperwork back inside, and tied it shut. He blinked away his tears as he stood up and hauled the suitcase off the bed. Then he crawled onto the bed and curled into a ball… he was so tired.
The telephone by the bed rang, and jolted Elijah awake. Sleep had claimed him almost immediately once he had laid down. He looked at his watch; he had been asleep for almost twenty minutes.
“Yes?” His voice sounded groggy, as he listened to the voice of the hotel receptionist.
“What?” He was suddenly very alert and very awake.
“When?”
Elijah didn’t wait for an answer. He replaced the telephone receiver, got up, and quickly put on his trainers. Dominic was here.
**
He really ought to eat something. Neat alcohol on an empty stomach was not a good idea. But his appetite was none existent. In fact wanting to get blind drunk wasn’t going to do much good either. Dominic pushed his drink away. He looked at his watch. Elijah had been here for a couple of hours now, and he knew that he would be worried sick, wondering where the hell he was. Not nice being kept in the dark is it, Lij? Not nice not knowing what the fuck is going on… God I miss you, Elijah…
As Dominic turned to get off the bar stool, he glanced into the lobby. Fuck! He saw Elijah making his way over to the bar.
All of a sudden Dominic felt like bolting and hiding, but instead he stood his ground. When Elijah entered the bar he found Dominic standing there waiting for him, arms folded, with a look of defiance on his face.
The relief that swept over Elijah when he saw Dominic was incalculable. He wanted to take him in his arms right there and then and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much he loved him. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Dominic looked very pissed off indeed.
“Drink?” Dominic asked. His voice sounded harsh as he stared at his lover. He had only seen Elijah from a distance earlier, and had not been able to see the extent of the bruising on his face.
Elijah nodded, but didn’t say anything. His eyes searched Dominic’s for a clue; any clue whatsoever as to how he was feeling, but all he could see was pain and hurt.
Dominic swallowed hard and then he turned his eyes from Elijah, and beckoned the barman over. He ordered two beers.
Dominic sat back on the stool, and Elijah carefully took a seat next to him. He felt fatigued, and his muscles seemed to protest at every movement he made. He looked at Dominic, but saw that his eyes were downcast. This wasn’t going to be easy, but at least Dominic was here, and Elijah’s heart soared at that thought.
The barman presented two opened bottles of beer, and two glasses to them. Dominic paid for the drinks and then lifted his bottle to his lips, and drank the cold liquid, practically draining the bottle in one go.
Elijah just watched the condensation droplets run down the side of his bottle from its neck, to its base.
Dominic placed his bottle on the bar with a loud thud, which made Elijah jump. Elijah looked back at Dominic, and found him staring at him.
“Dom…” Elijah began, his voice very quiet. “Dom…let’s go to our room. I… I need to talk to you.”
“Our room?” Dominic over emphasized the ‘our’. “And talk? Now what could you possibly have to say to me then, Lij?”
Elijah frowned with concern… he reached out to take Dominic’s hand, but Dominic pulled it away.
“Dom… please…” Elijah begged. “We really need to talk. Come to our room.”
“Talk? Ahh... you mean talk… as in how much you don’t need me anymore, Elijah? Is that what you want to talk about? Well you already fucking said it on the ship. What more is there to say?”
“Dom…don’t. Not here…” Elijah looked at the barman who was watching them both intently. Dominic’s raised voice was beginning to attract attention.
“Elijah…” Dominic paused before continuing. He could see the sorrow and confusion in Elijah’s eyes, and he could also see the exhaustion and trauma that lay hidden behind them. There was Elijah, the man he loved so much, sitting just inches away from him, battered and bruised. And here he was, with just a few choice words, telling him to fuck off, when all he wanted to do was kiss him, press his lips gently against that injured mouth, and tell him that he loved him. Tell him that none of it mattered, not really…. But he couldn’t. He fucking wouldn’t. No way… Elijah betrayed his trust totally by not telling him what the fuck was going on, and that was something he would never be able to forgive. Never… No thought… fucking no thought for his feelings at all. What did he fucking think, that he would be fucking joyous about the whole bloody affair when he found out? Jesus fucking Christ!
“Dom?” Elijah slipped off the stool and took hold of Dominic’s hand, and when he felt Dominic try to pull it away again, he held on to it tightly.
“Fucking let go, Lij.”
“No…” Elijah kept his grip firm.
“Elijah…” Dominic’s voice sounded menacing as he stood up. “Let me fucking go.”
“I love you…” Elijah’s voice cracked a little as he held on. “Dom… I love you.”
Dominic narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Elijah’s hand on his. He could feel his heart racing in anger, in confusion… in concern… in love…
He looked at Elijah’s bracelet of hope, glinting in the light of the chandeliers. Beneath that band of leather and pewter he could see purple marks on Elijah’s skin… marks of pain… marks of desperation… marks of courage?
He looked at Elijah’s face… Christ he loved Elijah so much. So much so that he just wanted to scream and hit out and fucking break something, anything… fucking anything… anything… but this man in front of him… who was already broken…broken and asking for his help. God, Elijah…I love you…
“Ok… ” Dominic nodded slightly, and felt Elijah release his grip on his hand. “Let’s talk.”
**
Silence… a silence so loud it was deafening.
Dominic stood at the bedroom window, his back to Elijah. Elijah sat down on the bed.
“Well?” Dominic asked the question without turning.
Elijah stared at his hands. His mind was a jumble of words, of things to say, and he had to get it right, he knew there would be no second chance.
“It… it was the right thing to do…” Elijah looked at Dominic. “I know you can’t see that right now, but it was… it was Dom.”
Dominic turned his head around slowly, an incredulous look on his face. “The right thing to do? You are trying to tell me, that what happened back there, on that fucking ship, was the right thing to do? What the fuck do you mean, Lijah? Because I can’t see any right in it.”
Dominic then turned fully around so that he was facing Elijah, and he noticed just how small Elijah looked sitting alone on the large bed.
“Now, let me get this right,” Dominic, continued. “And please correct me if I am wrong here, but that fucker was on to you the whole time we were on the ship. Is that right?”
Elijah nodded weakly, as he looked down at the floor.
“The whole fucking week, Lij?”
Elijah nodded again.
Dominic breathed in deeply. “He fucking dined with us Elijah, spent time with us. And you never said a thing. Not once…” Dominic then looked accusingly at Elijah. “Maybe you wanted to be with him… is that it?”
“What?” Elijah looked up, shocked.
“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to think? I find you half undressed, and Hasad fucking enjoyed telling me what you did to him.”
“You can’t seriously think that…” Elijah got up, panic in his voice. “Dom… tell me you don’t think that… please… you know that didn’t happen... you know that would never happen.”
Dominic closed his eyes as the memory of Elijah standing in front of him with torn clothing, a bruised face, and trembling with fear flooded back to him. He slowly opened his eyes, and saw Elijah standing in front of him, eyes brimming with tears.
“I know… I know that didn’t happen, Lij…” Dominic swallowed hard; he could feel his own eyes filling up. He placed his hands on Elijah’s slim shoulders, but felt Elijah flinch with pain. Then the moment was gone…compassion once again overcome by anger…
“What if he’d fucking raped you, Elijah? Then what?” Dominic walked back to the window, and stared outside once more. “Where would that have left me?”
“That wouldn’t have happened… I would never have let that happen…” Elijah tried to sound convincing.
“That’s fucking bullshit, Lij. And you know it.” Dominic turned to face Elijah again. “That fucker would have raped you, and then killed you, and I wouldn’t have known anything, until I found your body…” Dominic felt his words choke off as he looked away again. “I would have found you… dead, Lijah. Fucking dead.”
“No…” Elijah shook his head. He limped over to Dominic and stood behind him. He had to make Dominic see why he’d done this.
“You would have been hurt, Dom…if I’d told you… He would’ve…”
Dominic cut Elijah off, as he turned on him sharply. “Hurt! Fucking hurt! For God sake Elijah what do you think I am feeling now… knowing that you kept it from me, knowing that you asked others for help?” Dominic paused for a second. “Knowing that you didn’t want me… or fucking need me… oh yes, that hurt. And it is still hurting.”
“I know… Dom… I know how you must be feeling…it’s just…it’s just that I wanted to protect you…”
“What? What the fuck are you going on about?” Dominic pushed Elijah aside, and headed for the door.
“Don’t leave Dom.” Elijah felt panic once more.
“All I know is this, Elijah. I love you… I would even die for you, but you obviously don’t feel the same way, because if you did, none of this would have happened.”
“No Dom you’ve got it all so wrong…” Elijah made his way to Dominic as quickly as possible. He couldn’t let him leave… because he knew that if Dominic went out of that door, then… well… everything would have been in vain. Hasad would have won… he would have succeeded in destroying them both.
“The only thing wrong in all of this, Elijah, is you. You didn’t think of me, not once, that’s so fucking obvious… you know how I feel about you. Jesus fucking Christ Elijah, you were so close to leaving me alone forever… so fucking close. How was I going to deal with that? Didn’t think of that, did you? Fuck you, Elijah.”
Dominic turned for the door but Elijah slipped around him quickly, and stood between Dominic and his only way out.
“You’re not going…”
“Out of my way, Lij.”
“No… not until you listen to me… you haven’t listened to me.”
“Get out of my fucking way.”
“Don’t you do this…Dom… don’t you go…”
Dominic could see the fear in Elijah’s eyes, but he ignored it. Anger was clouding his every train of thought. “I said out of my fucking way.” Dominic pulled Elijah to one side, and open the door, but Elijah managed to position himself in the doorway again, blocking the exit.
“You can’t leave… Dom... I love you. This all happened because I love you… I didn’t want you to know… I didn’t want you to get hurt, please believe me… Dom… don’t…don’t go.”
Dominic didn’t say anything; he just looked at Elijah’s pitiful form standing in front of him. You hurt me Elijah… Then he grabbed Elijah’s arm and yanked him into the room leaving the doorway clear. He stepped into the corridor, and without looking back he said, “I’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Then he was gone.
**
Elijah just didn’t have the energy, not any more. He wanted to run after Dominic, and drag him back. Beg him for forgiveness for what he had done and all the pain he had caused. But he was too tired, emotionally and physically. He could barely even make his way over to the bed.
He’d lost him, his Dom. He thought he had done the right thing, but he hadn’t. It had all gone so fucking wrong, and he was tired - so mind numbingly tired. I’m so sorry Dommie…I’m so sorry.
Elijah collapsed on the bed, exhaustion washing over him. I haven’t even closed the door he thought …then sleep came down on him like a curtain and claimed him quickly, and within seconds he was unconscious.
**
Dominic remained in the elevator, he kept on pressing the buttons… up…down… up… down. Nowhere to go now… except home. And where the fuck was home? Not with Elijah… his beautiful Elijah.
“Fuck it!”
The elevator door slid open and three people stepped inside. They looked nervously at Dominic.
“What?” He shouted at them. “Fucking what?” Then he stabbed the door open button and stepped out. He found himself on the roof of the hotel. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was alight with golden hues, but Dominic didn’t see them, he was too locked in his own misery and his own grief, with enough anger to seriously injure anyone who came within 50 yards of him.
The roof was deserted, which was just as well. There were a few tables and chairs scattered around the ‘rooftop garden’, but Dominic didn’t feel like sitting down. He walked over to the railings and looked down at the ground far below. The height made him feel dizzy so he stepped back and then he looked up into the darkening sky.
“I don’t understand, Lij… I just don’t understand,” Dominic spoke out loudly as he half collapsed and half dropped to his knees on the concrete floor. “You know how I feel… you know what scares me… you know it, you fucking know it, and you did this… you did this… Well what about me… what about fucking me? Where do I fit into all this… all this fucking secrecy? What were you doing? Lijah!” Dominic then began to weep. “What were you fucking doing?"
…I just wanted to protect you…
…I didn’t want you to get hurt…
“Well you did fucking hurt me… so deeply… so fucking deeply, Lij.”
“You should have fucking told me, Lij. I would have sorted the bastard out, he had no fucking right, no right at all.”
“No, Dom. That is exactly why I didn’t tell you. You would have ended up getting yourself fucking killed.”
“Lijah, you didn’t have to face this alone… you didn’t…”
… It’s sorted! I dealt with it…
“I could’ve helped…”
…“You are like my mamma and father. They would die for each other out of love. You and Elijah are like that… I know.”…
Dominic blinked away his tears as he recalled little Eva’s words to him, as she sat and played Lord of the Rings with him and her little brother. Denmark now seemed so long ago.
‘Die for each other out of love.’ Dominic played those words over and over again in his mind.
… I just wanted to protect you…to protect you, Dom…
…I didn’t want you to get hurt…
“Oh… Lij.” Dominic brought his knees up and hugged them tightly to his body. At last understanding was beginning to seep in.
Oh Lijah… I’ve been nothing but a selfish fuck. Forgive me… but Jesus… I couldn’t see it… I just couldn’t fucking see it… Dominic closed his eyes as he remembered the accusations he threw at Elijah… accusing him of not caring and not thinking about how he would feel, when the whole time he was… he was.
He put his fucking life as risk, to protect me, without a thought about his own safety. Dear God… The guilt that swept over Dominic was like a heavy blanket.
“I’m sorry, Elijah. And…Jesus…Jesus Christ! But I left you… I left you alone on that ship. I fucking stormed off full of self-pity, and I left you. My God, I’m nothing but a fucked up bastard. Why couldn’t I see it? Jesus…Lij, I’m so sorry…” Then Dominic remembered Elijah standing in the doorway not wanting him to leave… Oh God… what have I done?
Dominic got to his feet quickly, and wiped his eyes. Please Elijah… please still be there. He ran to the elevator and pressed the button, then decided to take the stairway down. Once he was on their floor he made his way to their room. He saw the door was wide open. Fuck… he’s gone… Dominic felt like howling as this thought took hold.
He looked into the dark room, and saw Elijah sound asleep on top of the bed, fully clothed.
“Oh… baby…” he choked back a sob. “I’m so sorry, I’m here now… and I’m not going anywhere. I’m never going anywhere again, not without you.”
Elijah didn’t move. Dominic pulled Elijah’s case away from the bed and placed it in one of the wardrobes. He then realised that his bags were still downstairs in the bar.
He bent down and kissed the back of Elijah’s head. “I’ll be right back, baby… I will.”
**
Elijah did not wake once when Dominic undressed him and pulled him to the top of the bed. Nor did he stir when Dominic climbed into bed and laid down beside him.
“I love you…” Dominic stroked his hand gently along the side of Elijah’s face. He noticed how pale Elijah’s skin was against the whiteness of the pillow, and he also noticed how vivid the purple bruises were along each side of his chin. So deep was the bruising, that Dominic was sure he could make out Hasad’s fingerprints within them.
“I love you so much, baby…” Dominic leant over Elijah and kissed him lightly on his lips. “So very, very much. I’m sorry I doubted you… please forgive me.”
Dominic laid his head on the pillow beside Elijah. He doubted that sleep would come. He placed his arms around Elijah’s warm body and pulled him towards his own, relishing the feel of Elijah’s skin against his. I Love you…
**
Sunlight… bright sunlight streaming in through the open drapes. Elijah blinked hard as he tried to remember if he had closed them last night. Then he remembered last night and his heart sank. He stared at the wall, and then his sleep-muddled mind became aware of someone touching him. He slowly turned over and sat up, groaning because it hurt to do so. Confusion took over as he looked down at Dominic staring up at him.
“Morning beautiful.” Dominic raised a hand and let his fingers gently dance along Elijah’s injured chin.
“Dom?” Elijah’ voice wobbled as he tried to speak. “Dom…?”
“Sshhhh…” Dominic placed a finger on Elijah’s lips, and then he slowly sat up, the bed covers falling away from them both.
“I…I thought you were leaving…” Elijah felt his eyes watering.
“No…” Dominic gently shook his head. “Never, Lij. I will never leave you.” Dominic moved his head forward so that his lips brushed across Elijah’s, which were warm and soft against his own. He kissed them gently, aware that they were still quite swollen.
“I love you, Elijah, and I’m so sorry…”
“Oh…Dom…” Elijah wrapped his arms around Dominic and pulled him back down onto the bed. “Dom…” Elijah tried to speak again but his voice vanished as his emotions took over.
“It’s ok, Lij. I’m here… I’m never going to leave you again… not ever… ”
tbc
Author/Email: Salogel (salogel42@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Dom/Elijah
Rating: R (for swearing..loads of it))
Summary: Dom and Lij arrive in Athens.
WARNING: Tons of angst.
Feedback: Yes please
Archive:LOTR Gutter
Disclaimer: None of this happened or will ever happen. It is all made up in my overactive mind.
Additional Notes: Any flashbacks are written as they happened, and not necessarily as a point of view.
Previous chapters can be found here.
World Trip
Chapter 20 – Arrival in Athens
Dominic did not look up when the hotel waiter removed the cup of cold coffee from the table in front of him. He also did not reply when the waiter asked him if he would like a fresh cup. Dominic was oblivious to everything going on around him. How he ever managed to make it to the hotel was a miracle… a fucking miracle. The past three hours had been nothing but a blur… a blur of confusion, anger and heartbreak…too much fucking heartbreak.
Images… images of Elijah standing in front of him, looking ragged and beaten. Images of fucking Hasad sneering at him, and goading him. And confusion… so much confusion. Why hadn’t Elijah told him? Jesus Christ, he couldn’t understand why Elijah didn’t tell him about it. Fucking told the stewards though. Anger… plenty of anger. Fuck it, Elijah! Didn’t you think how I would feel?
“Shit!” Dominic kicked out at the small coffee table in front of him. It made a loud screeching noise as it scraped across the wooden floor before bumping into a chair seating a stern looking man. But Dominic ignored it, in the same way as he ignored the startled looks of the annoyed man and his partner as well as other guests in the hotel bar.
You didn’t fucking tell me, and that hurts… that hurts too much… fuck it Lij. Fuck it! Dominic stared at the table now a few feet away from him. But you asked some unknown fucking steward, someone who doesn’t know you, doesn’t care about you. You asked some fucking stranger, and kept me in the dark. Fucking why, Lij? Fucking why?
Dominic leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees, trying to understand, but completely failing to comprehend the whole scenario.
“You didn’t fucking tell me…” Dominic was more than aware that he was now speaking out loud to himself. “You didn’t tell me, Lijah. You let the fucker touch you and grope you, and you didn’t tell me. I don’t get it! I don’t fucking get it at all!”
Dominic heard the man opposite him respond curtly to his outspoken thoughts. Although he couldn’t understand what he was saying, he could tell that he was complaining to the woman sitting opposite him, and complaining quite loudly, too. Fuck him. He didn’t care. What the fuck did they know anyway? Fuck them all.
A figure appeared in front of Dominic and he looked up. It was the waiter again. Why couldn’t people just piss off and leave him alone? He needed to be alone… he was alone. He’d left him. He’d left Elijah on the ship… Well, he doesn’t need me anymore. He fucking told me so.
“May I get you something, sir?” The waiter stood patiently waiting for an answer. He had not failed to notice Dominic’s suitcase and travel bag, which had been unceremoniously dumped on the floor beside the chair he was occupying. If he was a guest at this hotel, then he had not yet booked in, and it was because of that, that the waiter decided to keep a close eye on Dominic. He didn’t want any trouble in his bar, and for some reason he thought that Dominic looked like trouble.
“Sir?” he asked again.
“What?” Dominic snapped… his train of thought now lost.
“May I get you a drink?”
“No!” Dominic answered harshly and then looked up at the waiter’s concerned face “No… no thank you.”
The waiter frowned before nodding, and then he left Dominic on his own once more.
Dominic watched the waiter as he weaved his way through the tables and chairs and back to the bar. Maybe he should get a drink, though. Get pissed… wipe away the fucking memories. Delete, if only temporarily, Hasad’s nauseating comments to him. How could Elijah let that happen… what was he fucking thinking?
“Christ!” Dominic stood up pushing his heavy chair backwards as he did so.
The people sitting in front of him muttered something out loud once more, and Dominic felt like turning on them, wanting them to shut the fuck up. He stepped forward and gripped the back of the man’s chair with one hand, and stared down at them. They were an elderly couple; he’d seen people like them before. Fucking thought that they were superior to all those around him. Think they own the fucking planet. Well what did they know? Nothing!
The elderly man stood up and started to jabber at Dominic, but Dominic ignored him, bloody fucker…fucking wanker… fucking…fucking…
Dominic suddenly held his breath. The idiot in front of him melted away as over the man’s shoulder Dominic watched Elijah enter the hotel. He could see him struggling in through the double doors with his case, and then he saw him drop it, and then bend down to attempt to pick it up. A porter hurried over to assist him, and Dominic watched Elijah rub his hand over his left shoulder. He looked in pain. More than in pain, he looked wretched.
Dominic, while still ignoring the arsehole in front of him, managed to push past the stocky man and complaining woman. He couldn’t take his eyes off Elijah. All of a sudden Elijah seemed to look smaller, slighter, more fucking vulnerable than he had ever seen him before. He looked pale… so pale…
Oh…Lijah…
Dominic positioned himself behind the drapes which adorned the entrance into the bar from the lobby area. There were potted plants on each side of the doors too, enough to conceal him from Elijah’s sight.
Elijah was still wearing the same clothes that he’d had on when he was attacked, and just seeing him in this state made Dominic want to go to him, but he held back. Of course he held back … don’t fucking need me…do you Lij? Don’t fucking care how I feel…I could have found you dead… fucking dead…and where would that have left me? You didn’t fucking need me, Lijah… you didn’t need me…
Dominic could feel himself trembling with anger, and with grief. He gripped the velvet fabric, which was camouflaging him so well. He watched Elijah speak to the receptionist behind the desk, and saw his head lower and his eyes close as the receptionist looked at her computer screen and shook her head.
Elijah looked up and around the large hotel lobby. He looked so tired, so exhausted, so fucking alone.
Dominic swallowed hard as he felt hot tears prick his eyes. Then he watched Elijah check his watch, and then pull out his mobile phone from his jeans pocket. He knew that Elijah was calling him, but he had his phone deliberately switched off. Then he saw Elijah’s shoulders visibly sag as he replaced the phone into his pocket.
Can’t fucking talk to you Elijah…Jesus Christ…but I love you… why did you do this… fucking why?
Dominic continued to watch his lover from his place of concealment. He saw Elijah speak to the porter who had helped him earlier, and then he watched them both walk over to the elevator. Elijah was limping quite badly.
“Shit!” Dominic clenched and unclenched his fist. He needed to go to him, Elijah needed him, any fucking fool could see that. Yeah, needs me now, but what about this morning? Didn’t need me then… he’s on his own…he’s chosen to be on his own…he’s brought this all on himself…
“Jesus!” Dominic turned away from the lobby. He felt like he wanted to smash the place up, vent his fucking anger, and cause some fucking hurt of his own. Doesn’t Elijah realise just how fucking much he loved him, didn’t he realise how much this would hurt him?
“God!” Dominic walked back over to his seat, deliberately bumping into tables and chairs as he went. He totally ignored Mr Fucking Perfect as he went over to his abandoned luggage. He picked up his travel bag and hoisted it over his shoulder, and then bent down to pick up his suitcase, he had to get out of there… then he saw Elijah in his mind’s eye asking the receptionist if he had booked in yet, and then his defeated look when the answer was no.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Dominic slung his travel bag back down onto the floor. He didn’t know what to fucking do. Christ, Elijah…why?
**
Elijah thanked the porter, tipped him, and then closed the door behind him. He made his way over to the large bed and sat down on the edge of it. He stared at the floor.
“Where are you, Dom?” He whispered loudly. “Where are you?” Elijah squeezed his eyes shut determined not to start crying again, but he was fighting a losing battle. Sobs took over as he rested his head in his hands. I’m so sorry Dom… please… please don’t be gone…please… I have to talk to you… God, Dom… where are you?
Elijah eventually wiped his eyes - they felt sore and scratchy and swollen. He stood up and walked over to the large window at the far end of the room. It was a beautiful day. He looked down to the pavement and saw people bustling around, going about their day-to-day business. Dominic was out there somewhere and Elijah felt scared, because he knew that Dominic would be hurting, and hurting badly… Dommie, I’m sorry…I really am so sorry…
Elijah pulled out his mobile phone once more and dialed Dominic’s number. He knew it would be futile, and it was. Where are you?…Where did you go?
Elijah turned to the bed and tossed the useless phone onto the bed covers. He didn’t have a clue what to do now, so he just sat down again, and waited. Waited for what?
**
Dominic paced… back and forth. Christ his mind was in turmoil. He should go upstairs, speak to Elijah, and make sure he was all right. He didn’t even know how badly injured he was. Some fucking boyfriend you are. Yeah, but he went behind my back, didn’t need my help, he can fucking deal with it. Dominic stopped and stood still. What did that fucking bastard Hasad do to him? How much fucking pain did he cause him? Christ… I don’t know what to fucking do. Can’t someone tell me what to fucking do?
“Excuse me, sir.” The voice made Dominic jump and he whirled around to see who the owner was. He didn’t recognise the man.
“Are you a guest at this hotel?” The unknown man asked.
Dominic saw the waiter hovering in the background and guessed that the man now standing in front of him was another member of staff.
“Yes…” Dominic answered gruffly.
“May I see your reservation?”
“I don’t have it.” Elijah always had the paperwork on him; after all they always booked in everywhere together.
“Do you have your passport on you, sir?”
Dominic nodded and then closed his eyes. He suddenly felt very weary.
“Will you come with me to the desk, please?” It was an order more than a request, and Dominic knew that he would have to comply. He picked up his bag, but left the case where it was and followed the man into the large lobby.
Within minutes he was booked in, his name beside Elijah’s on the computer screen. He turned and looked at the closed elevator door. Two floors up was his love, his Elijah. In less than five minutes he could be with him, holding him, kissing him, telling him that he loved him and that none of what had transpired earlier that day mattered. None of it.
But it did fucking matter. It mattered a great deal. Dominic went back into the bar, and this time he ordered a drink. The waiter smiled at him, obviously feeling embarrassed that he had reported Dominic to the management. Fucker, Dominic thought. There are always others poking their fucking noses in. He downed a tumbler of whiskey in one go, and then asked for another.
**
Elijah stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and used another to dry his hair. He dug his glasses out of his travel bag and slipped them on. They felt slightly strange, as this was the first time he had worn them in over a week. Then he looked at his damaged shirt, and jeans, which he had dumped on the bed when he had undressed. He picked both items of clothing up, and without a second thought he dropped them into the waste bin. He looked at the bin for a while before turning to his suitcase. He unlocked it and then briefly rummaged amongst its contents before finding something clean to wear. He pulled on his clothes, and then he tried his mobile phone one more time.
Nothing…
It would be evening soon, and then what - call the police? And tell them what? Jesus, what a complete fucking mess.
Elijah looked at his case again, and wondered if it was worth unpacking it. Dominic just had to turn up; he couldn’t not turn up, could he? But he’d hurt him… Christ, Dom, if you would just let me talk to you, explain everything, help you understand. I know we can get through this, I just fucking know it… just give me the chance.
Elijah sat on the bed. His body was starting to ache now from the pummeling he had received that morning. He dragged his travel bag onto his lap, and removed his journal. It was starting to look a little battered, now with all the traveling it had done.
The book was full of memories, wonderful memories. Elijah ran his fingers over the gold lettering on the cover, remembering when Dominic had given him the journal on Christmas Day all those weeks ago in Lapland. He turned to the very first entry and re-read it.
1 January 2005
I love Dom
“And I do…” Elijah spoke quietly to himself. “More than anything...” That’s why what happened, happened, Dommie…you have to understand that…
Elijah turned his journal over and opened it to the back page. He removed a number of sheets of folded paper. Most of them were e-mails from Sala. He looked over them, remembering when he had sat and read them in private, making amendment upon amendment to their contents. His scrawling handwriting was all over them in his desperate attempt to get things just right.
And there was his drawing, folded neatly amongst them. It was looking a little creased now. Dominic had wanted to see the original, he still didn’t know about this one. This was going to be part of his gift… if… if he ever got the chance, now, to give it to Dominic.
Elijah turned to his last entry, and tried to ignore it. In fact he didn’t want it in his journal anymore, so he put a line through it. Fucking Hasad was gone, no fucking more… and even though the bastard hadn’t succeeded in what he had set out to do, he had caused devastation nonetheless.
Elijah began to write…
6 March 2005
I miss you Dom… I miss you, and I’m sorry, and I want you to come back.
I don’t know where you are, all I do know is that you are not here, with me when I need you so much.
I love you…
Elijah closed his journal, unable to write anymore. He slipped all the other paperwork back inside, and tied it shut. He blinked away his tears as he stood up and hauled the suitcase off the bed. Then he crawled onto the bed and curled into a ball… he was so tired.
The telephone by the bed rang, and jolted Elijah awake. Sleep had claimed him almost immediately once he had laid down. He looked at his watch; he had been asleep for almost twenty minutes.
“Yes?” His voice sounded groggy, as he listened to the voice of the hotel receptionist.
“What?” He was suddenly very alert and very awake.
“When?”
Elijah didn’t wait for an answer. He replaced the telephone receiver, got up, and quickly put on his trainers. Dominic was here.
**
He really ought to eat something. Neat alcohol on an empty stomach was not a good idea. But his appetite was none existent. In fact wanting to get blind drunk wasn’t going to do much good either. Dominic pushed his drink away. He looked at his watch. Elijah had been here for a couple of hours now, and he knew that he would be worried sick, wondering where the hell he was. Not nice being kept in the dark is it, Lij? Not nice not knowing what the fuck is going on… God I miss you, Elijah…
As Dominic turned to get off the bar stool, he glanced into the lobby. Fuck! He saw Elijah making his way over to the bar.
All of a sudden Dominic felt like bolting and hiding, but instead he stood his ground. When Elijah entered the bar he found Dominic standing there waiting for him, arms folded, with a look of defiance on his face.
The relief that swept over Elijah when he saw Dominic was incalculable. He wanted to take him in his arms right there and then and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much he loved him. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Dominic looked very pissed off indeed.
“Drink?” Dominic asked. His voice sounded harsh as he stared at his lover. He had only seen Elijah from a distance earlier, and had not been able to see the extent of the bruising on his face.
Elijah nodded, but didn’t say anything. His eyes searched Dominic’s for a clue; any clue whatsoever as to how he was feeling, but all he could see was pain and hurt.
Dominic swallowed hard and then he turned his eyes from Elijah, and beckoned the barman over. He ordered two beers.
Dominic sat back on the stool, and Elijah carefully took a seat next to him. He felt fatigued, and his muscles seemed to protest at every movement he made. He looked at Dominic, but saw that his eyes were downcast. This wasn’t going to be easy, but at least Dominic was here, and Elijah’s heart soared at that thought.
The barman presented two opened bottles of beer, and two glasses to them. Dominic paid for the drinks and then lifted his bottle to his lips, and drank the cold liquid, practically draining the bottle in one go.
Elijah just watched the condensation droplets run down the side of his bottle from its neck, to its base.
Dominic placed his bottle on the bar with a loud thud, which made Elijah jump. Elijah looked back at Dominic, and found him staring at him.
“Dom…” Elijah began, his voice very quiet. “Dom…let’s go to our room. I… I need to talk to you.”
“Our room?” Dominic over emphasized the ‘our’. “And talk? Now what could you possibly have to say to me then, Lij?”
Elijah frowned with concern… he reached out to take Dominic’s hand, but Dominic pulled it away.
“Dom… please…” Elijah begged. “We really need to talk. Come to our room.”
“Talk? Ahh... you mean talk… as in how much you don’t need me anymore, Elijah? Is that what you want to talk about? Well you already fucking said it on the ship. What more is there to say?”
“Dom…don’t. Not here…” Elijah looked at the barman who was watching them both intently. Dominic’s raised voice was beginning to attract attention.
“Elijah…” Dominic paused before continuing. He could see the sorrow and confusion in Elijah’s eyes, and he could also see the exhaustion and trauma that lay hidden behind them. There was Elijah, the man he loved so much, sitting just inches away from him, battered and bruised. And here he was, with just a few choice words, telling him to fuck off, when all he wanted to do was kiss him, press his lips gently against that injured mouth, and tell him that he loved him. Tell him that none of it mattered, not really…. But he couldn’t. He fucking wouldn’t. No way… Elijah betrayed his trust totally by not telling him what the fuck was going on, and that was something he would never be able to forgive. Never… No thought… fucking no thought for his feelings at all. What did he fucking think, that he would be fucking joyous about the whole bloody affair when he found out? Jesus fucking Christ!
“Dom?” Elijah slipped off the stool and took hold of Dominic’s hand, and when he felt Dominic try to pull it away again, he held on to it tightly.
“Fucking let go, Lij.”
“No…” Elijah kept his grip firm.
“Elijah…” Dominic’s voice sounded menacing as he stood up. “Let me fucking go.”
“I love you…” Elijah’s voice cracked a little as he held on. “Dom… I love you.”
Dominic narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Elijah’s hand on his. He could feel his heart racing in anger, in confusion… in concern… in love…
He looked at Elijah’s bracelet of hope, glinting in the light of the chandeliers. Beneath that band of leather and pewter he could see purple marks on Elijah’s skin… marks of pain… marks of desperation… marks of courage?
He looked at Elijah’s face… Christ he loved Elijah so much. So much so that he just wanted to scream and hit out and fucking break something, anything… fucking anything… anything… but this man in front of him… who was already broken…broken and asking for his help. God, Elijah…I love you…
“Ok… ” Dominic nodded slightly, and felt Elijah release his grip on his hand. “Let’s talk.”
**
Silence… a silence so loud it was deafening.
Dominic stood at the bedroom window, his back to Elijah. Elijah sat down on the bed.
“Well?” Dominic asked the question without turning.
Elijah stared at his hands. His mind was a jumble of words, of things to say, and he had to get it right, he knew there would be no second chance.
“It… it was the right thing to do…” Elijah looked at Dominic. “I know you can’t see that right now, but it was… it was Dom.”
Dominic turned his head around slowly, an incredulous look on his face. “The right thing to do? You are trying to tell me, that what happened back there, on that fucking ship, was the right thing to do? What the fuck do you mean, Lijah? Because I can’t see any right in it.”
Dominic then turned fully around so that he was facing Elijah, and he noticed just how small Elijah looked sitting alone on the large bed.
“Now, let me get this right,” Dominic, continued. “And please correct me if I am wrong here, but that fucker was on to you the whole time we were on the ship. Is that right?”
Elijah nodded weakly, as he looked down at the floor.
“The whole fucking week, Lij?”
Elijah nodded again.
Dominic breathed in deeply. “He fucking dined with us Elijah, spent time with us. And you never said a thing. Not once…” Dominic then looked accusingly at Elijah. “Maybe you wanted to be with him… is that it?”
“What?” Elijah looked up, shocked.
“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to think? I find you half undressed, and Hasad fucking enjoyed telling me what you did to him.”
“You can’t seriously think that…” Elijah got up, panic in his voice. “Dom… tell me you don’t think that… please… you know that didn’t happen... you know that would never happen.”
Dominic closed his eyes as the memory of Elijah standing in front of him with torn clothing, a bruised face, and trembling with fear flooded back to him. He slowly opened his eyes, and saw Elijah standing in front of him, eyes brimming with tears.
“I know… I know that didn’t happen, Lij…” Dominic swallowed hard; he could feel his own eyes filling up. He placed his hands on Elijah’s slim shoulders, but felt Elijah flinch with pain. Then the moment was gone…compassion once again overcome by anger…
“What if he’d fucking raped you, Elijah? Then what?” Dominic walked back to the window, and stared outside once more. “Where would that have left me?”
“That wouldn’t have happened… I would never have let that happen…” Elijah tried to sound convincing.
“That’s fucking bullshit, Lij. And you know it.” Dominic turned to face Elijah again. “That fucker would have raped you, and then killed you, and I wouldn’t have known anything, until I found your body…” Dominic felt his words choke off as he looked away again. “I would have found you… dead, Lijah. Fucking dead.”
“No…” Elijah shook his head. He limped over to Dominic and stood behind him. He had to make Dominic see why he’d done this.
“You would have been hurt, Dom…if I’d told you… He would’ve…”
Dominic cut Elijah off, as he turned on him sharply. “Hurt! Fucking hurt! For God sake Elijah what do you think I am feeling now… knowing that you kept it from me, knowing that you asked others for help?” Dominic paused for a second. “Knowing that you didn’t want me… or fucking need me… oh yes, that hurt. And it is still hurting.”
“I know… Dom… I know how you must be feeling…it’s just…it’s just that I wanted to protect you…”
“What? What the fuck are you going on about?” Dominic pushed Elijah aside, and headed for the door.
“Don’t leave Dom.” Elijah felt panic once more.
“All I know is this, Elijah. I love you… I would even die for you, but you obviously don’t feel the same way, because if you did, none of this would have happened.”
“No Dom you’ve got it all so wrong…” Elijah made his way to Dominic as quickly as possible. He couldn’t let him leave… because he knew that if Dominic went out of that door, then… well… everything would have been in vain. Hasad would have won… he would have succeeded in destroying them both.
“The only thing wrong in all of this, Elijah, is you. You didn’t think of me, not once, that’s so fucking obvious… you know how I feel about you. Jesus fucking Christ Elijah, you were so close to leaving me alone forever… so fucking close. How was I going to deal with that? Didn’t think of that, did you? Fuck you, Elijah.”
Dominic turned for the door but Elijah slipped around him quickly, and stood between Dominic and his only way out.
“You’re not going…”
“Out of my way, Lij.”
“No… not until you listen to me… you haven’t listened to me.”
“Get out of my fucking way.”
“Don’t you do this…Dom… don’t you go…”
Dominic could see the fear in Elijah’s eyes, but he ignored it. Anger was clouding his every train of thought. “I said out of my fucking way.” Dominic pulled Elijah to one side, and open the door, but Elijah managed to position himself in the doorway again, blocking the exit.
“You can’t leave… Dom... I love you. This all happened because I love you… I didn’t want you to know… I didn’t want you to get hurt, please believe me… Dom… don’t…don’t go.”
Dominic didn’t say anything; he just looked at Elijah’s pitiful form standing in front of him. You hurt me Elijah… Then he grabbed Elijah’s arm and yanked him into the room leaving the doorway clear. He stepped into the corridor, and without looking back he said, “I’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Then he was gone.
**
Elijah just didn’t have the energy, not any more. He wanted to run after Dominic, and drag him back. Beg him for forgiveness for what he had done and all the pain he had caused. But he was too tired, emotionally and physically. He could barely even make his way over to the bed.
He’d lost him, his Dom. He thought he had done the right thing, but he hadn’t. It had all gone so fucking wrong, and he was tired - so mind numbingly tired. I’m so sorry Dommie…I’m so sorry.
Elijah collapsed on the bed, exhaustion washing over him. I haven’t even closed the door he thought …then sleep came down on him like a curtain and claimed him quickly, and within seconds he was unconscious.
**
Dominic remained in the elevator, he kept on pressing the buttons… up…down… up… down. Nowhere to go now… except home. And where the fuck was home? Not with Elijah… his beautiful Elijah.
“Fuck it!”
The elevator door slid open and three people stepped inside. They looked nervously at Dominic.
“What?” He shouted at them. “Fucking what?” Then he stabbed the door open button and stepped out. He found himself on the roof of the hotel. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was alight with golden hues, but Dominic didn’t see them, he was too locked in his own misery and his own grief, with enough anger to seriously injure anyone who came within 50 yards of him.
The roof was deserted, which was just as well. There were a few tables and chairs scattered around the ‘rooftop garden’, but Dominic didn’t feel like sitting down. He walked over to the railings and looked down at the ground far below. The height made him feel dizzy so he stepped back and then he looked up into the darkening sky.
“I don’t understand, Lij… I just don’t understand,” Dominic spoke out loudly as he half collapsed and half dropped to his knees on the concrete floor. “You know how I feel… you know what scares me… you know it, you fucking know it, and you did this… you did this… Well what about me… what about fucking me? Where do I fit into all this… all this fucking secrecy? What were you doing? Lijah!” Dominic then began to weep. “What were you fucking doing?"
…I just wanted to protect you…
…I didn’t want you to get hurt…
“Well you did fucking hurt me… so deeply… so fucking deeply, Lij.”
“You should have fucking told me, Lij. I would have sorted the bastard out, he had no fucking right, no right at all.”
“No, Dom. That is exactly why I didn’t tell you. You would have ended up getting yourself fucking killed.”
“Lijah, you didn’t have to face this alone… you didn’t…”
… It’s sorted! I dealt with it…
“I could’ve helped…”
…“You are like my mamma and father. They would die for each other out of love. You and Elijah are like that… I know.”…
Dominic blinked away his tears as he recalled little Eva’s words to him, as she sat and played Lord of the Rings with him and her little brother. Denmark now seemed so long ago.
‘Die for each other out of love.’ Dominic played those words over and over again in his mind.
… I just wanted to protect you…to protect you, Dom…
…I didn’t want you to get hurt…
“Oh… Lij.” Dominic brought his knees up and hugged them tightly to his body. At last understanding was beginning to seep in.
Oh Lijah… I’ve been nothing but a selfish fuck. Forgive me… but Jesus… I couldn’t see it… I just couldn’t fucking see it… Dominic closed his eyes as he remembered the accusations he threw at Elijah… accusing him of not caring and not thinking about how he would feel, when the whole time he was… he was.
He put his fucking life as risk, to protect me, without a thought about his own safety. Dear God… The guilt that swept over Dominic was like a heavy blanket.
“I’m sorry, Elijah. And…Jesus…Jesus Christ! But I left you… I left you alone on that ship. I fucking stormed off full of self-pity, and I left you. My God, I’m nothing but a fucked up bastard. Why couldn’t I see it? Jesus…Lij, I’m so sorry…” Then Dominic remembered Elijah standing in the doorway not wanting him to leave… Oh God… what have I done?
Dominic got to his feet quickly, and wiped his eyes. Please Elijah… please still be there. He ran to the elevator and pressed the button, then decided to take the stairway down. Once he was on their floor he made his way to their room. He saw the door was wide open. Fuck… he’s gone… Dominic felt like howling as this thought took hold.
He looked into the dark room, and saw Elijah sound asleep on top of the bed, fully clothed.
“Oh… baby…” he choked back a sob. “I’m so sorry, I’m here now… and I’m not going anywhere. I’m never going anywhere again, not without you.”
Elijah didn’t move. Dominic pulled Elijah’s case away from the bed and placed it in one of the wardrobes. He then realised that his bags were still downstairs in the bar.
He bent down and kissed the back of Elijah’s head. “I’ll be right back, baby… I will.”
**
Elijah did not wake once when Dominic undressed him and pulled him to the top of the bed. Nor did he stir when Dominic climbed into bed and laid down beside him.
“I love you…” Dominic stroked his hand gently along the side of Elijah’s face. He noticed how pale Elijah’s skin was against the whiteness of the pillow, and he also noticed how vivid the purple bruises were along each side of his chin. So deep was the bruising, that Dominic was sure he could make out Hasad’s fingerprints within them.
“I love you so much, baby…” Dominic leant over Elijah and kissed him lightly on his lips. “So very, very much. I’m sorry I doubted you… please forgive me.”
Dominic laid his head on the pillow beside Elijah. He doubted that sleep would come. He placed his arms around Elijah’s warm body and pulled him towards his own, relishing the feel of Elijah’s skin against his. I Love you…
**
Sunlight… bright sunlight streaming in through the open drapes. Elijah blinked hard as he tried to remember if he had closed them last night. Then he remembered last night and his heart sank. He stared at the wall, and then his sleep-muddled mind became aware of someone touching him. He slowly turned over and sat up, groaning because it hurt to do so. Confusion took over as he looked down at Dominic staring up at him.
“Morning beautiful.” Dominic raised a hand and let his fingers gently dance along Elijah’s injured chin.
“Dom?” Elijah’ voice wobbled as he tried to speak. “Dom…?”
“Sshhhh…” Dominic placed a finger on Elijah’s lips, and then he slowly sat up, the bed covers falling away from them both.
“I…I thought you were leaving…” Elijah felt his eyes watering.
“No…” Dominic gently shook his head. “Never, Lij. I will never leave you.” Dominic moved his head forward so that his lips brushed across Elijah’s, which were warm and soft against his own. He kissed them gently, aware that they were still quite swollen.
“I love you, Elijah, and I’m so sorry…”
“Oh…Dom…” Elijah wrapped his arms around Dominic and pulled him back down onto the bed. “Dom…” Elijah tried to speak again but his voice vanished as his emotions took over.
“It’s ok, Lij. I’m here… I’m never going to leave you again… not ever… ”
tbc
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And oh, I should've said this a long time ago, but you really do great research! I'm Norwegian, and I enjoyed especially your chapters on Denmark and Sweden. I was a bit miffed when you left out Norway :P (let me know if you want to write an additional/alternative chapter on my country!;), but the chapters from Copenhagen made up for that. I've been there on several occasions, and you wrote it so well!
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Sorry they never made it to Norway, so many people have asked me to send them to different countries, which isn't possible.
But who knows, in another fic one day, maybe?
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Then I'd sit on him, which would A. hurt and B. immobilize him.
But thankfully you made him see the light...
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Thanks Sorka!!!!
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All upto date!
This story is so fantstic the research that must go into this must be mad! I don't think that I would be able to do it! Actually I know I couldn't!
Tara
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The research is quite intensive, but I am enjoying it. I have loads of research to do for the next chapter, including learning how to sail a yatch!
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I don't have the net at home you see (only until march then I am paying for it!)
Tara
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