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fellowshippers2008-04-17 07:34 am
slashfairy.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2008-04-17 07:34 am
Chanced and Chosen
Chanced and Chosen
Monaboyd
[ratings are ... it's men, kissing.]
In gratitude for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
apple_pi's Choices and Chances, and for stormatdusk pointing me that way. This inspired by the things that moved us reading that story together.
~~
It'd begun so simply.
"Kiss me, Bill," Dom'd said.
"But 'm not gay," Billy'd answered.
That would have seemed to have been that.
Except that Dom had been working this out for a long time. Long enough to have tried it on every way he could and six ways from Sunday to see if he could get the sense of how Billy'd react if- when- Dom popped the question.
Which wasn't really a question, when it came down to it.
But nor was it a command.
Just an opening, a moment when Billy could have a choice in the matter.
"Kiss me, Bill," Dom'd said.
"No," Billy'd replied.
Dom'd taken that No and added it to all the others- to the pile of all the possible Nos that Billy would have. He'd added it to the pile and patted it once, gently, then turned away from all of them and back to the matter at hand.
"Kiss me, Bill."
"Wait," Bill'd said. "But." Looking at anything but Dom's lips. Acknowledging anything but how right Dom felt, sitting in his lap, holding him down on the sofa as the question of kissing rose like a tide around him.
Later, after a long time and many kisses, after he'd let the tide wash over his toes, then around his ankles, then given up and swum it as though it were the Channel, he'd thought to himself, What confidence Dom must have had, for himself, for me, to get them through that first time.
How many times Dom must have run it backwards and forwards, not specific moves, but the ebb and flow of interest and refusal, to know that he could float there, waiting, until Billy was willing to try. How many times Dom must have tried on all the possible disappointments to see if he could live through them, to see if Billy could live through them- to see how to help Billy not fall apart in it.
"Kiss me, Bill," Not because I want you to for me, but because I love you, and I want you to be ok- I want this to be ok for you, because I love you.
How generous Dom'd been, how gracious. How well he'd known Billy would need room to move, to retreat a bit if needed, to breathe in the idea of kissing Dom and exhale the idea that he'd enjoy it if he tried it. How he'd let Merry take the next day after the first kisses and spend it with Pippin. How Pippin had understood what Billy hadn't, quite- that best mates can be in love and the world doesn't end.
But it doesn't. End. When mates kiss. When friends fall in love. There's danger, and it helps- so much- when one mate knows another this well. Even as Merry protected Pippin for a few more minutes, that day in Edoras, letting Pip mirror his stride, keeping his annoyance-born-of-fear as much to himself as he could, so Dom slowed things down until Billy could match him, thought for thought, feeling for feeling, until the first tentative steps were taken, and the world continued on.
"Kiss me, Bill," Dom'd said, and Billy had.
And everything'd gone right in the world, ever since.
~~
Really. go read Choices and Chances. This is just a token of appreciation for a really lovely piece of writing.
Monaboyd
[ratings are ... it's men, kissing.]
In gratitude for
apple_pi's Choices and Chances, and for stormatdusk pointing me that way. This inspired by the things that moved us reading that story together. ~~
It'd begun so simply.
"Kiss me, Bill," Dom'd said.
"But 'm not gay," Billy'd answered.
That would have seemed to have been that.
Except that Dom had been working this out for a long time. Long enough to have tried it on every way he could and six ways from Sunday to see if he could get the sense of how Billy'd react if- when- Dom popped the question.
Which wasn't really a question, when it came down to it.
But nor was it a command.
Just an opening, a moment when Billy could have a choice in the matter.
"Kiss me, Bill," Dom'd said.
"No," Billy'd replied.
Dom'd taken that No and added it to all the others- to the pile of all the possible Nos that Billy would have. He'd added it to the pile and patted it once, gently, then turned away from all of them and back to the matter at hand.
"Kiss me, Bill."
"Wait," Bill'd said. "But." Looking at anything but Dom's lips. Acknowledging anything but how right Dom felt, sitting in his lap, holding him down on the sofa as the question of kissing rose like a tide around him.
Later, after a long time and many kisses, after he'd let the tide wash over his toes, then around his ankles, then given up and swum it as though it were the Channel, he'd thought to himself, What confidence Dom must have had, for himself, for me, to get them through that first time.
How many times Dom must have run it backwards and forwards, not specific moves, but the ebb and flow of interest and refusal, to know that he could float there, waiting, until Billy was willing to try. How many times Dom must have tried on all the possible disappointments to see if he could live through them, to see if Billy could live through them- to see how to help Billy not fall apart in it.
"Kiss me, Bill," Not because I want you to for me, but because I love you, and I want you to be ok- I want this to be ok for you, because I love you.
How generous Dom'd been, how gracious. How well he'd known Billy would need room to move, to retreat a bit if needed, to breathe in the idea of kissing Dom and exhale the idea that he'd enjoy it if he tried it. How he'd let Merry take the next day after the first kisses and spend it with Pippin. How Pippin had understood what Billy hadn't, quite- that best mates can be in love and the world doesn't end.
But it doesn't. End. When mates kiss. When friends fall in love. There's danger, and it helps- so much- when one mate knows another this well. Even as Merry protected Pippin for a few more minutes, that day in Edoras, letting Pip mirror his stride, keeping his annoyance-born-of-fear as much to himself as he could, so Dom slowed things down until Billy could match him, thought for thought, feeling for feeling, until the first tentative steps were taken, and the world continued on.
"Kiss me, Bill," Dom'd said, and Billy had.
And everything'd gone right in the world, ever since.
~~
Really. go read Choices and Chances. This is just a token of appreciation for a really lovely piece of writing.
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