ext_91070 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
eviltwin.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2003-11-30 08:11 pm
eviltwin.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2003-11-30 08:11 pm
Stupid fic.
Title: Death By Stew
Author/Email: eviltwin/tracey737uk@yahoo.co.uk
Pairing: Implied Elijah/Entire Gay Cast™
Rating: Um. PG. For language. Hide your children's eyes. But. y'know..don't forget where you put them. Because, I mean, eeeew. And stuff.
Summary: Um. Again. I have NO idea. A load of shit happens. And then it gets really shit. Howzat?
Disclaimer: Yeah, right. Like this load of crap ever really happened. Don't think so. And, also, I don't own any of the characters described herein and make no claims to anything. I apologise to those involved. Except Richard Taylor. he freaks me out.
Feedback: Would be wonderful..
Author's Notes: For the limeysugar November challenge, set by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beanzy. Elijah has a problem. Must use the word vegetables. Must not use the word blue. It started off serious. And then degenerated into a big pile of shit. I'm sorry, truly I am. Apologies to Amy. I told her she'd hate Dom in this fic. Then I changed my mind. Bless.
Elijah has a problem. And the problem is me. Or, at least, it will be tonight. Because, you see, I'm going to kill him. He's just..driven me too far, I guess. Constant whining about everything that's wrong in his life.
Take tonight, for example. We've been partying all week, which is tiring work as it is. More so when you have all five of us together. Me, Elijah, Billy, Sean and Orli. Viggo and Bean both joined us one night, disappearing with Elijah at the same time. And now the little whinger is phoning round all of them, trying to find out which one gave him this 'itching, burning sensation when I pee and a rash on my ass'.
I'm chopping vegetables for a hot stew, because he also claims he's got 'flu. I told him I don't think you can catch 'flu in the summer. He started sneezing and wailing that he was going to be sick. He's going to be fucking sicker after this little meal. I take the bowl to him, settling down to watch him eat. He eyes me suspiciously as he dips the spoon into the stew. Takes one mouthful and spits it back into the bowl, trails of saliva hanging from his mouth. He wipes them away with his sleeve and glares at me.
"This tastes like shit, Dom. What did you put in there?"
Enough poison to finish off a troll. "Vegetables, Lij. I guess you're not used to that, huh? All that junk crap you eat."
He raises the bowl to his face and sniffs at it. "Is there fucking bleach in this or what?"
"No. Why would I-"
"Dom, YOU PUT FUCKING BLEACH IN MY FOOD! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!"
"Maybe, but-"
"What the fuck is the matter with you?! Are you insane?"
"No, of course not." I stand, grinning down at him. "And I'm not Dom, either."
"Huh?" He blinks.
"Dom's been locked in your basement for the last three weeks. I've been feeding him surreptitiously through a hole under the rug in the kitchen. And you haven't even noticed. You're too involved in yourself."
"You look like Dom."
With a laugh, I pull off the mask I helped make for the movie.
"RICHARD TAYLOR?! THAT GUY FROM WETA?!"
I laugh, evilly. "Ahahaha." And make with another mask-pulling. "No! It is I-"
"WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?"
"David."
(All together now.) "But that is not my true face. Aha."
"Uh. Peter, man. Are you okay?"
The mask half off, I struggle with it. "Damn..thing won't...come off. Ahaha."
"You want a hand with that?"
"No. No, I can manage." The glue rips my beard and tugs a few hairs out, but finally the mask is off. "Haha. And now, you die."
"Why?"
"Um. I'm not sure. I've lost interest in this scene. Can we go and shoot some interviews for the DVD version? And some of the sexiest footage alive, which we'll only put on the extended version, which will be released at the same time as many other films so no-one can afford to buy it? Okay, good."
end
Um. Yeah. Again.
Author/Email: eviltwin/tracey737uk@yahoo.co.uk
Pairing: Implied Elijah/Entire Gay Cast™
Rating: Um. PG. For language. Hide your children's eyes. But. y'know..don't forget where you put them. Because, I mean, eeeew. And stuff.
Summary: Um. Again. I have NO idea. A load of shit happens. And then it gets really shit. Howzat?
Disclaimer: Yeah, right. Like this load of crap ever really happened. Don't think so. And, also, I don't own any of the characters described herein and make no claims to anything. I apologise to those involved. Except Richard Taylor. he freaks me out.
Feedback: Would be wonderful..
Author's Notes: For the limeysugar November challenge, set by
beanzy. Elijah has a problem. Must use the word vegetables. Must not use the word blue. It started off serious. And then degenerated into a big pile of shit. I'm sorry, truly I am. Apologies to Amy. I told her she'd hate Dom in this fic. Then I changed my mind. Bless.Elijah has a problem. And the problem is me. Or, at least, it will be tonight. Because, you see, I'm going to kill him. He's just..driven me too far, I guess. Constant whining about everything that's wrong in his life.
Take tonight, for example. We've been partying all week, which is tiring work as it is. More so when you have all five of us together. Me, Elijah, Billy, Sean and Orli. Viggo and Bean both joined us one night, disappearing with Elijah at the same time. And now the little whinger is phoning round all of them, trying to find out which one gave him this 'itching, burning sensation when I pee and a rash on my ass'.
I'm chopping vegetables for a hot stew, because he also claims he's got 'flu. I told him I don't think you can catch 'flu in the summer. He started sneezing and wailing that he was going to be sick. He's going to be fucking sicker after this little meal. I take the bowl to him, settling down to watch him eat. He eyes me suspiciously as he dips the spoon into the stew. Takes one mouthful and spits it back into the bowl, trails of saliva hanging from his mouth. He wipes them away with his sleeve and glares at me.
"This tastes like shit, Dom. What did you put in there?"
Enough poison to finish off a troll. "Vegetables, Lij. I guess you're not used to that, huh? All that junk crap you eat."
He raises the bowl to his face and sniffs at it. "Is there fucking bleach in this or what?"
"No. Why would I-"
"Dom, YOU PUT FUCKING BLEACH IN MY FOOD! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!"
"Maybe, but-"
"What the fuck is the matter with you?! Are you insane?"
"No, of course not." I stand, grinning down at him. "And I'm not Dom, either."
"Huh?" He blinks.
"Dom's been locked in your basement for the last three weeks. I've been feeding him surreptitiously through a hole under the rug in the kitchen. And you haven't even noticed. You're too involved in yourself."
"You look like Dom."
With a laugh, I pull off the mask I helped make for the movie.
"RICHARD TAYLOR?! THAT GUY FROM WETA?!"
I laugh, evilly. "Ahahaha." And make with another mask-pulling. "No! It is I-"
"WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?"
"David."
(All together now.) "But that is not my true face. Aha."
"Uh. Peter, man. Are you okay?"
The mask half off, I struggle with it. "Damn..thing won't...come off. Ahaha."
"You want a hand with that?"
"No. No, I can manage." The glue rips my beard and tugs a few hairs out, but finally the mask is off. "Haha. And now, you die."
"Why?"
"Um. I'm not sure. I've lost interest in this scene. Can we go and shoot some interviews for the DVD version? And some of the sexiest footage alive, which we'll only put on the extended version, which will be released at the same time as many other films so no-one can afford to buy it? Okay, good."
end
Um. Yeah. Again.
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It's funny. Yes, funny.
~backs away from the crazy lady~
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I'm NOT crazy. Honest.
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::giggle::
Sounds like the basis for it's own crack!fic to me...
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HMMMM.
Now you put ideas in my head. When I have time.
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