fellowshippers | Fic: New Special Friend

If this is not allowed here, please feel free to erase it - I promise I won't be offended. I'm a

fellowshippers reader, but I don't usually write anything in this fandom. This fic, though, sort of crosses some borders.

Title: New Special Friend
Author: Clandestine
Pairing: Bono/The Edge, and implied The Edge/Orlando Bloom
Rating: PG (for language)
Disclaimer: Not true. Well, some of it is, but - alas - not the more significant parts.
A/N: Inspired by this post by

sweet_minion - ~~damn~~ thank you! The bunny simply ravished me, refusing to let go until I'd written this. Crossposted at

u2slash.

A squeaky instrumental version of 'The Boys Are Back In Town' broke the silence, making Bono's head turn towards his desk, where his cell phone was currently making its happy little 'pick me up' dance. He flipped the phone open and heard a familiar greeting.

"Hey! What's -- "

*click*

The second time the massacred Thin Lizzy song echoed through the room, Bono decided to let it ring. It was no way he was picking it up, now that he knew who was calling. His jaw locked in grim determination. Let that bastard ring - he had way more important things to take care of. Like... like finishing this new song! He allowed himself one last, angry glare at the phone before turning back to the blank page he had fruitlessly been staring at the whole day.

Though, by the twentieth time his phone rang, Bono was starting to grow just a little bit tired of that chirpy tune, not to mention the fact that it repeatedly broke his non-existent concentration. He gathered his composure and, with as much dignity he could master, pressed the 'answer' button and spoke a single word, crackling with frosty displeasure.

"Edge."

"Bono - finally! Is something wrong?"

"Well, you tell me, The Edge."

"What are you talking about? I just got home from L.A. and I wanted -- "

"I know you just got home. That's quite an entrance you made at Heathrow."

Dumbfounded silence.

"Nice picture of you and Orlando there, Edge. And quite an intriguing article too. Here, let me quote. 'Orlando and his new special friend. Orly Bloom arrived with a male companion at London's Heathrow Airport on Wednesday.' And nice closing touch too: 'Where's Bono???' You think I should call and tell them that Bono was safe at home, waiting for his long-time lover to drag his arse back from the States? Preferably without having said arse being molested by some snotty-nosed Brit who has earned his fame by looking good in a pair of tights."

"Since when do you read celebrity gossip columns?"

"Since you started showing up in them, along with barely-of-age Hollywood brats. For Christ's sake, Edge, you're old enough to be his father!"

"Is that what's bothering you? Then I can set your mind at rest - the brat's actually turning thirty next month."

"So you've got his birthday marked in your calendar already? How cute."

"Aren't you being just a little bit childish here, B? After all, you're the one who pointed out that Orlando's too bloody good-looking for his own good, remember?"

"Well, back then I didn't know you planned on shagging him!" When there was no response, Bono continued, "Or was it an inspiration of the moment, Edge? Decided to join the Mile High Club with the new Errol Flynn, did you? Unless you hooked up with him back in L.A. Can't say I blame you - I'm not sure I'd be able to resist myself, if I got the opportunity to fuck a tall, well-built, beautiful, young man like that -- "

"Shut. The fuck. Up!"

When Edge spoke again, his voice was very calm, but very determined.

"Now, you are going to listen to me, B, and listen carefully. I'm tired and jet-lagged as hell and I'm not going to take any more of your shite." He paused, making sure he had the singer's full attention. "Orlando was on the same flight as I, that's correct. And yes, we ended up talking. I could hardly avoid it, since we were introduced at the Oscars and everything." He drew a deep breath. "Not that I realized I should avoid him, or even wanted to. The lad's pretty amiable, after all."

Bono snorted, but kept his mouth shut.

"You want to know what we talked about, B? Music. And his work and, to some extent, the stupidity of celebrity, but mostly he wanted to talk about you."

"Me?'"

"Yes, you. It was 'what does Bono think about this' and 'what does Bono say about that' until I thought I would go nuts. You sure have the power of Blarney, B, but Orli can match you any day, I'll tell you that." Edge's voice softened. "Why would you think I'd make a pass at him anyway? You know I love you, I thought you trusted me."

"I do! It's just that... " The singer hesitated, then reluctantly admitted, "Orlando's sort of everything that I'm not."

At his end of the line, Edge smiled. "I know. Which is probably why I don't find him attractive at all."

Silence.

"Reg?"

"Yes, Bono?"

"Sorry I'm such an arse. Please forgive me?"

"Well, it depends."

"Depends on what?"

"On how convincing you are when you apologize to me in person."

A lewd smirk traced Bono's lips and his voice dropped an octave. "Oh, I can be very convincing."

"We'll see about that. See you in ten minutes, B."

*click*

***
The End

Please note that I simply adore Orlando Bloom, and that I have nothing against him whatsoever. The unkind opinions my fictional Bono's expressing on said ~~snotty-nosed Brit~~ actor in this fic does not in any way match my own opinion.