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fellowshippers2006-12-08 12:41 am
v-angelique.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2006-12-08 12:41 am
Fic: Controlled 37/45
Title: Controlled (37/45)
Author: Viktoria Angelique
Email: viktoria_angelique@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17 for series, PG for this part
Pairing: Elijah/Viggo
Warnings: BDSM, angst
Disclaimer: If this were true the world might be a better place.
Feedback: I love it!
Summary: Elijah and Viggo figure things out.
Previous Chapters
At the end of October, the members of the Fellowship began to trickle back to the North Island. Elijah found out from Miranda that Viggo would be back the day before Halloween, but there were no phone calls on the 30th. By the time evening rolled around on the 31st, Elijah was seriously considering a little quality time with a six-pack and a couple packs of cloves. And then, the bell rang.
“Vig?”
After two weeks, the emotions hit him like a freight train, and it was all Elijah could do not to step back from the scent of his lover, the raw beauty, the power. There were bags under Viggo’s eyes, and he looked exhausted, but it was still Viggo. Elijah ached, but had to remain strong.
“Can I come in, please? We need to talk.”
Elijah nodded and stepped aside, allowing Viggo to choose the venue. They ended up sitting across from each other in the living room. It felt very artificial to Elijah. They always shared the loveseat.
“How was Te Anau, then?” Elijah made every effort to be light, let Viggo take the first step. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious that he was shaking.
“Depressing.” Viggo smiled weakly. “I need to apologise to you, Elijah. You were right. I got in way over my head this time, and you bore the brunt of that mistake.”
Elijah nodded. “Accepted. Now tell me what you’re going to change.”
Viggo smiled, clasping his hands on his knees. “You do an excellent job at letting me taste my own medicine, hobbit.”
Elijah grinned and nodded. “I learned from the best. But you’re not off the hook.”
“No.” Viggo lowered his eyes, considered his intertwined hands for a moment, bit his lip. Elijah had never seen Viggo look so nervous. He hoped it was a good sign.
“I need to learn to create an acceptable balance. That is, between loving you and taking care of myself. I’ve embraced the role of your protector so strongly that it’s obviated all else, and obviously caused some damage to both of us in the process.”
“It hurt me that you used sex to solve the problem. I know you already apologised for that, but I want you to understand that it hurt. If we’re going to do this, you have to talk to me, Vig. I went into this because I trust you, and because I feel safe submitting to you, and we’ve got nothing if we don’t have that.”
“I know. Believe me, I’ve beaten myself up over that. But you’re right. I’m extremely sorry for what I did, and it won’t happen again. I can’t be a hypocrite, and I make such a big deal with you about talking to me about everything and here I go breaking my own rules.”
“You know I would have listened.” Elijah’s voice was soft, imploring.
“I know. And I need to realise that you can help me; that you want to help me. It’s hard for me to trust, and it’s equally hard for me to talk about myself, and my own problems. I’ve always been a good listener and I like listening to other people. I don’t like admitting my own weaknesses.”
“We all have weaknesses, Vig. We’re human.”
“I know.” Viggo lowered his eyes, looking for all the world like a wounded puppy. Elijah wondered idly how many tears Viggo had shed over this. “I can’t promise perfection, Elijah, but if you’ll accept that I’ve screwed up and am going to try my best to fix it, then I will promise to talk to you. I can promise to think before I speak, and not to take out my own anger at myself on you through sex.”
“That’s a big promise, Vig.”
“But I need to make it. If we’re going to make this work, it’s important to me.”
Elijah nodded. “Is there anything else?”
“Well, I hope you’ll continue to let me know when I’m screwing up. Just because you’re a submissive, Elijah, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me that I’m being a bastard and let me know what’s wrong. I’ve tried so hard to be perfect for you, and to always know what you need, but I’m not a mind reader. I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and your ability to admit your own needs, and you just have to recognise that I need guidance sometimes.”
“We both do. I can accept that. That’s why I had to do this, Viggo. I had to exert some control. There’s a line…”
“And I crossed it. I’m sorry.”
“When I say I’ll be faithful to you, I mean it. That was your very first condition, and I accepted it.”
“I know.”
“You believe me, now?” Elijah asked.
“I believed you then. It was Karl whom I didn’t trust… but I promise I’ll let you fight your own battles from now on, unless you ask for my help.”
“I might, sometimes. I do need you, Vig. I just can’t be completely dependent.”
“No. I wouldn’t want you to be.”
“Good. I also don’t want to kneel for you because I feel ashamed, or guilty, or afraid. I’m starting to learn to admit my own desires, and I can admit that sometimes I need you, Vig. I need to go down for you. But that has to be the reason… I can’t get in that place because I’m worried that I’m not giving you what you need.”
“And you can say no. If you’re feeling guilty and it doesn’t seem right, you can refuse. I don’t want you to submit unless you’re comfortable doing it and in the right headspace, love.”
“I know that now. And I’ll try to pay better attention.”
“Good.” Viggo smiled.
“So you’re okay with this, now? You understand why I was upset, and you…” Elijah’s voice shook, trying not to contemplate the possibilities. “…you still want to be with me?”
Viggo stared at Elijah for a moment, looking bewildered, and then reached out to take both his hands. “Of course I want to be with you, baby. I love you.”
Elijah could’ve sworn he felt his heart leap for joy with that statement, and his body certainly did, diving into Viggo’s lap with an enthusiasm that surprised even Viggo himself. “Oh, thank God, Vig. I love you so fucking much. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had decided this wasn’t worth it…”
Viggo wrapped his arms around his crying lover, whispering in his ear and stroking his back to calm him. “Shh, Elijah, you’re always worth it, baby. I love you. You know that, right? You know that I love you?”
Elijah nodded fiercely.
“Good. Because you mean everything to me, you really do. I’m so, so sorry…”
“It’s okay, Vig. I love you. I love you so much…”
“Can I stay here tonight?” Viggo asked, pulling back to kiss Elijah’s temple. “We don’t have to do anything but cuddle, I just… I think I need you tonight,” he admitted.
Elijah grinned at Viggo, making an admission that he might never have uttered a month ago. It felt good to be needed. “Of course you can. There’s always a place for you in my arms, Vig. I’m just so glad you’re back.”
Viggo smiled and accepted Elijah’s kiss, lovingly stroking the collar he noted Elijah had never taken off. “Me, too, baby. Me, too.”
Author: Viktoria Angelique
Email: viktoria_angelique@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17 for series, PG for this part
Pairing: Elijah/Viggo
Warnings: BDSM, angst
Disclaimer: If this were true the world might be a better place.
Feedback: I love it!
Summary: Elijah and Viggo figure things out.
Previous Chapters
At the end of October, the members of the Fellowship began to trickle back to the North Island. Elijah found out from Miranda that Viggo would be back the day before Halloween, but there were no phone calls on the 30th. By the time evening rolled around on the 31st, Elijah was seriously considering a little quality time with a six-pack and a couple packs of cloves. And then, the bell rang.
“Vig?”
After two weeks, the emotions hit him like a freight train, and it was all Elijah could do not to step back from the scent of his lover, the raw beauty, the power. There were bags under Viggo’s eyes, and he looked exhausted, but it was still Viggo. Elijah ached, but had to remain strong.
“Can I come in, please? We need to talk.”
Elijah nodded and stepped aside, allowing Viggo to choose the venue. They ended up sitting across from each other in the living room. It felt very artificial to Elijah. They always shared the loveseat.
“How was Te Anau, then?” Elijah made every effort to be light, let Viggo take the first step. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious that he was shaking.
“Depressing.” Viggo smiled weakly. “I need to apologise to you, Elijah. You were right. I got in way over my head this time, and you bore the brunt of that mistake.”
Elijah nodded. “Accepted. Now tell me what you’re going to change.”
Viggo smiled, clasping his hands on his knees. “You do an excellent job at letting me taste my own medicine, hobbit.”
Elijah grinned and nodded. “I learned from the best. But you’re not off the hook.”
“No.” Viggo lowered his eyes, considered his intertwined hands for a moment, bit his lip. Elijah had never seen Viggo look so nervous. He hoped it was a good sign.
“I need to learn to create an acceptable balance. That is, between loving you and taking care of myself. I’ve embraced the role of your protector so strongly that it’s obviated all else, and obviously caused some damage to both of us in the process.”
“It hurt me that you used sex to solve the problem. I know you already apologised for that, but I want you to understand that it hurt. If we’re going to do this, you have to talk to me, Vig. I went into this because I trust you, and because I feel safe submitting to you, and we’ve got nothing if we don’t have that.”
“I know. Believe me, I’ve beaten myself up over that. But you’re right. I’m extremely sorry for what I did, and it won’t happen again. I can’t be a hypocrite, and I make such a big deal with you about talking to me about everything and here I go breaking my own rules.”
“You know I would have listened.” Elijah’s voice was soft, imploring.
“I know. And I need to realise that you can help me; that you want to help me. It’s hard for me to trust, and it’s equally hard for me to talk about myself, and my own problems. I’ve always been a good listener and I like listening to other people. I don’t like admitting my own weaknesses.”
“We all have weaknesses, Vig. We’re human.”
“I know.” Viggo lowered his eyes, looking for all the world like a wounded puppy. Elijah wondered idly how many tears Viggo had shed over this. “I can’t promise perfection, Elijah, but if you’ll accept that I’ve screwed up and am going to try my best to fix it, then I will promise to talk to you. I can promise to think before I speak, and not to take out my own anger at myself on you through sex.”
“That’s a big promise, Vig.”
“But I need to make it. If we’re going to make this work, it’s important to me.”
Elijah nodded. “Is there anything else?”
“Well, I hope you’ll continue to let me know when I’m screwing up. Just because you’re a submissive, Elijah, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me that I’m being a bastard and let me know what’s wrong. I’ve tried so hard to be perfect for you, and to always know what you need, but I’m not a mind reader. I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and your ability to admit your own needs, and you just have to recognise that I need guidance sometimes.”
“We both do. I can accept that. That’s why I had to do this, Viggo. I had to exert some control. There’s a line…”
“And I crossed it. I’m sorry.”
“When I say I’ll be faithful to you, I mean it. That was your very first condition, and I accepted it.”
“I know.”
“You believe me, now?” Elijah asked.
“I believed you then. It was Karl whom I didn’t trust… but I promise I’ll let you fight your own battles from now on, unless you ask for my help.”
“I might, sometimes. I do need you, Vig. I just can’t be completely dependent.”
“No. I wouldn’t want you to be.”
“Good. I also don’t want to kneel for you because I feel ashamed, or guilty, or afraid. I’m starting to learn to admit my own desires, and I can admit that sometimes I need you, Vig. I need to go down for you. But that has to be the reason… I can’t get in that place because I’m worried that I’m not giving you what you need.”
“And you can say no. If you’re feeling guilty and it doesn’t seem right, you can refuse. I don’t want you to submit unless you’re comfortable doing it and in the right headspace, love.”
“I know that now. And I’ll try to pay better attention.”
“Good.” Viggo smiled.
“So you’re okay with this, now? You understand why I was upset, and you…” Elijah’s voice shook, trying not to contemplate the possibilities. “…you still want to be with me?”
Viggo stared at Elijah for a moment, looking bewildered, and then reached out to take both his hands. “Of course I want to be with you, baby. I love you.”
Elijah could’ve sworn he felt his heart leap for joy with that statement, and his body certainly did, diving into Viggo’s lap with an enthusiasm that surprised even Viggo himself. “Oh, thank God, Vig. I love you so fucking much. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had decided this wasn’t worth it…”
Viggo wrapped his arms around his crying lover, whispering in his ear and stroking his back to calm him. “Shh, Elijah, you’re always worth it, baby. I love you. You know that, right? You know that I love you?”
Elijah nodded fiercely.
“Good. Because you mean everything to me, you really do. I’m so, so sorry…”
“It’s okay, Vig. I love you. I love you so much…”
“Can I stay here tonight?” Viggo asked, pulling back to kiss Elijah’s temple. “We don’t have to do anything but cuddle, I just… I think I need you tonight,” he admitted.
Elijah grinned at Viggo, making an admission that he might never have uttered a month ago. It felt good to be needed. “Of course you can. There’s always a place for you in my arms, Vig. I’m just so glad you’re back.”
Viggo smiled and accepted Elijah’s kiss, lovingly stroking the collar he noted Elijah had never taken off. “Me, too, baby. Me, too.”
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Together again, yay!
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Yay! Perfect as per usual. Lots of love...Mametsuki, number one fan!
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hugs..v
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