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My sincere apologies, Fellowshippers. I posted this story on my lj and forgot to put a copy over here for a couple of Sidi's other friends. This is the 29th chapter of The Luckiest Dog in the World (although he wasn't feeling very lucky on All Hallow's Eve!):

The Luckiest Dog in the World – Chapter 29
TITLE: The Scariest, Most Horrible, Worstest Day Ever
AUTHOR: Pecos – PecosPhil@sprintmail.com
WEBSITE: http://www.chimerafic.com
RATING: PG - adult language, innuendo
FEEDBACK: remember the golden rule, (please!)
SUMMARY: Sidi tells his story
DISCLAIMER: I don’t make the toys, I’m
only playing with them. No money made,
nor disrespect intended
NOTE: Please forgive any intentional or
unintentional abuse of facts and history

The Scariest, Most Horrible, Worstest Day Ever

Hello Nice People who read about Sidi Dog and find out about my adventures and the Stuff that happens to me and my Excellent Pack. I have a really scary story to tell you now! You might just want to be sure that you can read about a scary, spooky, bad and Awful Day without making pee on the carpet when the Frightening Bits happen. Really, it’s that Bad!

You should go get your Best Toy and a Treat and maybe somebody in your Pack to Cuddle Up with and Protect before you even try to read this story! It’s about the Worstest Day Sidi ever had and all the Bad Things that happened. Maybe you could get some extra Treats, Okay? That could probably help.

Now I’m going to start, so pay attention. (And remember not to pee on the floor.)

When this story starts I was staying with our Extra Big Pack at Bast’s Den. Bast is a really big Person who smells of wood smoke and flower scents and chemicals that stay in the dark like at Viggo’s Den. Bast has a House in Lost Angeles with cool tile floors and lots of furniture that you can get up on and lots of friends who come around at all times during the day. Bast likes Dogs a Lot and has a Pack that includes a little stringy hair Dog named Guerro. Bast is ‘Pats Your Butt Man’ and Guerro is ‘Steals Your Toys Dog’, so that’s them.

There are a bunch of other People there at Bast’s Den, but they aren’t really in my Pack so I mostly just act Nice around them and make sure that I’m out of the way – unless there’s Food involved. I had been staying with Bast for a Long Time while my Alpha Male (who is named Orlando, remember?) was away doing Stuff. I wasn’t too worried about my Alpha coming back because he’d left me with Bast before and he always came back. Besides, he Promised that he would.

It was Okay at that place, but sometimes I got a little lonely even with all the People and Steals Your Toys Dog and sometimes other Dogs around. I thought about Lila Dog and my Alpha Bitch Kate and sometimes I had dreams about being with my Best Pack of Viggo and Orlando and maybe even Sean – the All Male Pack that could go anywhere and do anything and we were the Bosses of every place we went! All the Females would stop and Admire us and make quiet Squeee noises and we are a Great Thing to Behold.

Anyway, Bast’s was where I was when the Worstest Ever Bad day started. It started out when I woke up from sleeping alone on the big leather couch that smells like People Butt because Bast doesn’t always put cloths on. Guerro should have been sleeping there with me, but he had snuck inside the bedroom the night before and that door got shut before Sidi could sneak in too, so I had to sleep alone and get cold in the night air. I woke up before the sun came inside and I didn’t feel Good. This was a sign that the Worstest Day was starting.

My stomach was Bad, and I ended up barfing all over the hallway floor. This was Bast’s fault because he should have a door to let Dogs go Out. It was bad that I barfed at all, because the night before I had gotten to eat almost an entire pizza that somebody left out by the pool. Pizza is Good, even when it makes you Fart all night long and barf the next day. Bast woke up in time to let me go outside before I had to make a shit, but he got really mad when he stepped in the barf. He didn’t say that he was sorry for getting Mad. People are strange that way.

Anyhow, I went on Patrol and checked out the Yard and when Guerro got thrown out there with me I made Dominance over him and then we wrestled for a while. Steals Your Toys Dog is littler than me, but he’s what Orlando Alpha calls ‘scrappy’, which means that he doesn’t know when to shut up and respect the bigger, smarter Dogs. Guerro also likes to Piss over the top of my Markings, which gets him growled at all the time.

There isn’t much grass in Bast’s Yard, and the ground with rocks on it is too hard to dig in, so I don’t get to make many Excellent Holes when I’m staying there. This is too bad for Bast, because maybe some day a Bad Guy is going to come in that Yard and just walk all around without getting trapped in an Excellent Hole. That’ll teach Bast. Maybe then he’ll move to the Beach where holes are Easy to dig!

I was outside for a while when People came to the House, and I Barked! to go in and meet them. Somebody opened the door and there was all kinds of new People there, including some pretty fancy ladies with very little clothes on and really stupid shoes like my bitch Kate would sometimes wear.

Here’s some advice from Sidi: you get into Really Big Trouble if you chew up any of those really stupid shoes! If you’re going to chew up a shoe, make sure it’s one of Viggo’s. He doesn’t care.

Pretty fancy ladies don’t like Dog’s hairs and they never eat much Food, so I didn’t hang around with them. I found some Guys in the Noisy Box room and they liked petting the Dog and talking with a lot of hand waving and loud words.

It seemed like maybe it could be a Good day after all, until a guy stepped on my tail! He stepped right on it, and when I yelped and jumped the rest of them just laughed! I would have not minded so much if it was funny, but there is Nothing Funny about getting your tail stepped on and then Nobody makes Sorry! to you. I left them there and went to find somewhere I could be alone and lick my tail until it stopped hurting. Nobody stepped on Guerro’s tail, okay? You see what I mean about how it was just a Bad Day.

Then one of the Pretty fancy ladies found some of the Dog barf in a different part of the house, and she made a big fuss about it. Hey, I had almost forgot about all that Stuff, but now there went Sidi, getting thrown Outside Again!

I sulked around in the Yard and thought about biting stupid shoes with noisy People’s feet still in them. This was Not a Nice thing for the Dog to be thinking about, but with my tail hurting a little bit I was just Not Happy. The sun was hot on my beautiful black hairs and there was a lot of dirt and leaves in my Outside water bowl from when somebody was trying to dig a hole in the flower bed before, so my water tasted yucky instead of clean and cool. I think that if Guerro had been outside too maybe I would have chased him around and knocked him over. But he was probably Inside getting Food and Pettings and everything.

I was sitting on my butt and thinking about what a rotten, no good day it was turning into when I heard someone call my name over the fence, and then the gate part opened up. It was my Second Alpha Viggo! Right there in Bast’s Yard! Viggo had come to get his Best Ever Dog Friend and to save me from this Bad Day.

“I’m taking you home, Sport,” Viggo told me! “I’ve got a Surprise for you!” Maybe this was Food! I could use some Food, or a Treat, or maybe a New Toy! Even just some Petting and Tummy scratches! Anything that Viggo had would make me feel better! I was so Happy that I jumped up in his arms, and he held me like he had when I was a little black puppy way back before I grew up so Big and Strong.

But when I jumped up on Viggo was when I Smelled IT. The scent was all over him. Another Dog? Another Dog…on My Viggo?

That’s just Wrong. WRONG.

What kind of Crap Day was this all the way around?

Anyhow, Viggo went Inside the House to talk to Bast and get my Sidi bag and my Toys Basket, and then he took me to his Truck. Viggo has an Excellent truck, but I was Very Disappointed to find that this Alien Outsider Dog had been inside there too. I thought for a moment about maybe Peeing in the Truck, just a little, to let every other Dog in the World know who’s Pack Viggo belongs to, but even though it seemed like a Good Idea I knew that I would just get Yelled at. So I held off marking in the Truck.

Maybe I should have just Marked on Viggo.

The whole ride to the Crazy House Den went by pretty fast, and I hardly even stuck my head out the window because I was Worrying about this Alien Outsider Dog who had made claims about My Second Alpha Viggo with all of that scent and hair that didn’t belong on him. I didn’t have to Worry about it for too long, though, because when we got Home to Viggo’s Den the New Dog was Right There!

I jumped out of the Truck with my tail stiff in the air and my hackles up and Henry was Outside of the Den Playing with this Alien Outsider Dog! Viggo Yelled at Me when I ran over to challenge this Intruder Dog!

The Dog saw me coming, but instead of Running Away like any Smart Dog would do it came right at me as fast as it could! There was going to be a Dog Fight!!! But imagine my Surprise when it turned out to be just a Puppy! This was a Puppy that was almost as big as Sidi, and I am a Big, Grown-up Alpha Male Dog! Viggo was still Yelling at me. But of course I was not going to attack a Puppy, not even a Bad Puppy, because I’m a Good Dog.

This New Alien Dog was spotted and had long hairs and floppy ears and smelled of grass and dirt and some sort of Crunchy Good Things that I’ve never gotten to eat. The Puppy had gotten a bath (ha!) and had been with Henry, who is Viggo’s People Pup, and also had been with Viggo for a long time. I would call this Puppy Steals Your People! Dog, but Viggo said it was Fur-me.

What kind of Stupid Name is Fur-me? Honestly. That’s just dumb, even for a People Name.

Of course, since I hadn’t attacked the Fur-me Pup and I only made a bit of Dominance over it the Pup thought that meant that I was going to be Friends. It jumped all over me like a Crazy Squeee Girl. It bit my ears, and pulled at my sore tail and knocked me off my feet. It was Clumsy and Stupid and Rude and had No Idea how to behave with a Superior, Alpha Dog. I tried to be Proud and Serious and maybe show that Pup a thing or two, but all it wanted to do was Play and Bark and Act Stupid.

Viggo and Henry seemed to think that was all Very Funny for some reason. I think that Fur-me had made a Bad Effect on my Second Alpha and his son.

One good thing about Puppies is that they don’t have much endurance. I had hardly gotten done Inspecting the Crazy House Den inside and out when Fur-me fell asleep on Henry’s bed. That gave me some time to get Attention from my People and even a Treat. Viggo had picked up the New Dog Bowl that smelled of different Food and I guess that meant that Fur-me was going to have to starve, at least until Dinner Time. They seemed to think that we could share a water bowl, but we’d just have to see about that.

Henry was putting up some black stuff over the door and laughing about things with his father. They were doing something called ‘decorating’, and I guess this mean disguising your Den so it looks different. Of course it doesn’t Smell any different, but People don’t use their noses anyway. Viggo got a Big Bowl full of People Treats and put it on a chair by the Door. I was pondering the possible reasons for all of this as I took a Nap on the Okay-to-get-On Couch. I growled at Fur-me to leave me alone when he came by. One thing about being in Viggo’s Den, it’s always Interesting.

My pondering turned into Dreams for a very little time and then there was the sound of walking People Outside and suddenly they rang the Bell! Of course I Ran! to the door Barking! and tripped right over that Stupid Puppy, who didn’t have any idea what his Most Important Job would be when he was a Real Dog. The Puppy was trying to Bark too, like he could help me, but his barks just came out as a dumb little YipYipYip!

By then Viggo had opened up the door and then there was another Awful Surprise! There was Monsters on the Porch!

I was so shocked that I actually backed up a couple of steps – mostly so I could get a running jump at them if those Monsters Attacked! They were scary, creepy, bizarre things with messed up faces and wings that wouldn’t work and sticks and stuff to fight with! They all shouted threats and waved bags at us. Who knows what kind of terrible Stuff they had in those Monster bags? Maybe dead Cats!

Just when I thought it couldn’t get ANY weirder Viggo just laughed and said “Welcome!” But at least he didn’t let the Monsters come inside. What he did was give them some of the People Treats, probably as a bribe to make them go away and not eat anybody! The Monsters pushed and shoved each other, but they took the Treats and went away. What was really strange about those Monsters is that they smelled sorta like children. Maybe they had been out roaming around eating People’s Puppies!

When Viggo shut the door safe and sound he turned to see me with my hackles all up and my nails dug into the floor, ready to attack, with that Stupid Fur-me chewing on my tail and bouncing up and down – and Viggo just laughed and laughed.

I think Viggo is maybe a little bit insane.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a Great Alpha. He’s the Second Best Alpha in the Whole World. But he just looked at his Brave Dog Defending the Den and ready to Fight the Monsters and he laughed. Hmph.

I had barely gotten over that Terrible incident when it Happened Again! There was a whole new bunch of Monsters this time, and some Mommy People following them, and Viggo did the whole bribing with Treats thing. Henry picked up the Fur-me Pup, probably to keep it out of the way if I had to jump in there and fight for my Pack, but I held off again because Viggo’s body language said that he could handle the Monsters.

After the door shut I heard children screaming, so maybe somebody didn’t have a good bribe and got Eaten!

This Horrible thing went on All Night! It finally got so I was willing to Defend the House from the hallway, but that Stupid Puppy kept jumping out at me and scaring me when I was Busy! I growled at Fur-me, but Henry told me to ‘Chill!” I thought that the night was Never going to end!

It was getting late when the bell rang again, and Henry said “You get it, Dad,” and Viggo groaned as he got off of the couch. Fur-me was sound asleep and didn’t come to bug me this time. Viggo opened the door and instead of Scary Monsters there was a Lady on the porch wearing a short cloth thing that showed off all of her legs and holding her stupid little shoes in one hand. She didn’t say anything, but just grinned at Viggo. Nobody moved for a moment, and then the lady opened her mouth and a familiar voice said, “trick, darling?”

Viggo jerked like he’d been bitten and then the Lady dropped her shoes and jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around him and almost knocking them both over. I was going Mad with Barking and jumping up when Viggo laughed “You crazy Bastard!”, and then I caught the Lady’s Scent underneath the reek of fake flower Smell she had been wearing. That was no Lady at all…and it wasn’t a Monster either! It was my Alpha, Orlando! He had turned into a Lady on the Monster Night! Only Viggo could turn him back into my Alpha Male again, because Viggo can do miracles and Stuff.

And that was the end of the Scariest, Most Horrible, Worstest Day Ever. Because My Alpha had come home, and the Monsters all went away, and we were a Pack again! Much later that night, after everyone was asleep I got to eat all the rest of the Treats in that bowl too, so maybe it wasn’t such a Bad, Awful Day after all.