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flybynite29.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2006-08-18 03:07 pm
flybynite29.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2006-08-18 03:07 pm
FIC: You Oughta Know: Prologue/??- Rated PG-13 this part
Title: You Oughta Know- Prologue/??
Author: flybynite29
Rating: Series PG-13 - NC17, this part PG-13 for language
Pairings: Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan, Billy/ofc, Orlando, Elijah, possible future pairings
Summary: Dom's come to a turning point in his life. So has Billy, but the path is taking him in the complete opposite direction.
Disclaimer: I do not own Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, or any of the other real-life persons in this work; I'm just playing with them for a bit. No money is being made off of any of this, and I adore all of these people far too much to intend any disrespect.
Warnings: AUish; WIP; Angst; and, to quote Rainman, Serious Injury
Feedback: I live for it. : )
a/n: Title and lyrics belong to Alanis Morrisette, and I think the song fits in very nicely with the things going on in this fic.
Crossposted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
monaboyd
Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you
oughta know
"Boyd, what in the holy Christ were you thinking?" Billy groaned to himself as he cowered in the bicycle aisle, trying to hide behind a ten-speed.
A simple birthday gift for a nephew- that's what had started all this lunacy. Billy could have been in and out in ten minutes flat, including parking time. But no; he had to bring Dom along and turn it into the all-day shopping excursion from hell.
One did not get Dominic Monaghan anywhere near a toy store- not if one wanted to keep from going completely and totally mental, that was.
The man of the hour was currently in the Outdoor section of the shop, playing Frisbee with a gaggle of children that had flocked to him like bees to honey as soon as he had entered the building.
Billy sighed. His lover: the Pied Piper of fecking Toys R Us.
Billy watched as Dom swung his arm hard and let fly. The plastic disc rocketed upward, taking out a light fixture. Dom and his new friends simply tittered naughtily and bolted to another aisle, plastering on identical innocent, blasé looks once they got there.
Where the shite were the wee ones' parents? Dom wouldn't be nearly so eager to show off without an audience attending his every move. Then again, Billy could hardly expect other people to control their children when he couldn't even manage to control his boyfriend.
Billy spotted Dom's head rounding the corner of a nearby aisle and a spark of hope welled within him. Maybe he'd had enough, had decided, just for once, to take pity on Billy and go peacefully. Then he saw what Dom was holding, and all his hopes were snuffed in an instant.
A Light Saber.
If Dom had located the Star Wars merchandise there wasn't a chance in bloody hell of getting home before midnight. Billy noted that he'd chosen one of the older models, without all the bells and whistles and noises. No matter...Dom was making up for it in spades, whirring and beeping loudly while he swung it around in fancy battle-arcs. Billy looked on as Dom waged all-out galactic war with that dreaded evil minion of the Darkside: SpongeBob SquarePants. The kids applauded and hooted as the life-sized cardboard cut-out toppled on its side and Dom raised his fists in victory.
Billy lost sight of him for a couple of minutes then, and the area grew eerily, ominously silent. Here was another analogy common to both small children and his lover: when things got quiet, it was time to seriously begin worrying.
Billy heard a strange, mechanical noise and his worst fears were realized. Billy had no idea how he had managed to get hold of it, but here came Dominic, barreling along atop some sort of motorized scooter.
Billy stepped out and tried to snatch hold of him by the scarf, but grabbed only air as Dom zipped past, laughing. The trail of children ran after him gleefully, clamoring for a turn.
Billy winced as Dom rounded a corner too tightly and wiped out an entire shelf of Barbies. Where the fuck was Mall Security when you really needed them?
Billy became aware of the soft chattering of voices and was horrified to see that a crowd of parents had gathered around him to watch the ongoing antics.
A young woman shook her head at the spectacle, then looked at Billy and smiled tiredly. "Kids, huh? Crazy. My Debbie's the one with the pigtails. Which one's yours?"
"Th' big one.", Billy muttered, going scarlet. "Dominic!", he bellowed out after another moment. "'m counting t' ten! If you're not over here by then, 'm leaving without ye! I mean it, damn it!"
The group of adults turned to him en masse, shooting him withering glances and tsking under their breaths. Billy sighed again. He'd obviously committed some grave parenting faux-pas.
A matronly-looking older bird joined the onlookers, clacking her lips in disapproval. "Children these days have no discipline. None whatsoever.", she sniffed in Billy's direction.
"When we get home, I intend t' paddle mine till he bloody screams.", he growled as he brushed past the appalled woman.
It was obvious Dom was not going to be reasonable; Billy had been mad to think otherwise. As usual, he was going to have to take things in hand himself. He caught up to Dom just as he hopped off the scooter and started for a wire enclosure containing a varied assortment of beach balls.
"We're going, Monaghan. Now. Can ye not see th' mess you've made here?" Billy gestured around at the disheveled, toy-littered aisles. His eyes were sparking green fire, but Dom somehow managed to miss the angry look.
Dom seemed to be missing quite a lot lately.
His face was lit up by the cheeky, sunny, goofy grin that had stolen Billy's heart eight years earlier. But at the moment it was doing nothing but pissing him off righteously.
"That's what toy shops are for, Bills." Dom winked at the band of kids. "Playing." He crouched down to tie up the flapping laces of a little girl's trainer. Billy looked closely at the wee lass, not surprised to see she was gazing at Dom with something like adoration. That fact only served to ratchet Billy's irritation up another notch.
"Dom...we're th' grownups.", Billy reminded him tightly.
"Well, shite. When did that happen?" Dom appeared crestfallen. "That's no fun at all."
"Time t' go, Dominic." Billy took his arm none too gently and pulled him to his feet. "Say goodbye to your friends."
The children loudly protested the removal of their new hero, but Billy paid no heed, just clamped onto Dom's wrist and tugged him off. He managed to get Dom to the doors without further incident, but he stopped there, breaking Billy's hold to twist back around and wave to the kids. "We need our own, Bill. Lots and lots of little ones. Wouldn't that be brilliant?" Dom's eyes were happy and sparkling.
"Th' one I have now is more than enough t’ handle, Dommie, ta muchly.”, Billy grated out, steering Dom back in the right direction. “C'mon- you've done enough damage for today."
Billy started through the exit into the mall proper, but froze in his tracks as a loud, persistent beeping sound suddenly filled the air and the lights along the alarm sensor began flashing an ominous red. Billy glanced around, befuddled.
Ah...and here were the Mall Police, coming out in droves now. They had sat in their cubicles and done exactly nothing while a platoon of children annihilated the store under their very noses, but one wee, mild-mannered, beeping Scotsman apparently warranted DEFCON 1 status. Billy looked back to Dom for help, but he was doubled over, giggling maniacally, pointing at something behind Billy. He swung his head around, trying to get a look, and was mortified to see a glint of silver on the seat of his trousers.
Now Billy knew what that quick groping session back in the action figure aisle had been about. Whilst under the guise of feeling him up, Dom had surreptitiously planted a security sticker on his arse.
*******************************
Billy pushed out of the mall doors and into the gloom of the overcast afternoon, empty handed and fuming. Fuck the Lego Village. He was lucky to get out with his sanity intact.
He felt bone-weary all of a sudden, drained far past the point of exhaustion. And angry out of all proportion to anything that had actually happened inside. Dom had simply been being Dom; bright and playful, filled with life and energy. Only, just lately, Billy found it was getting harder and harder to keep up with him.
Fun was lovely in its place, but why did it seem Dom always had to take it one sodding step too far? There was a time not too long ago when Billy would've joined in, been right there beside Dom, his partner in crime, the twin Pied Piper. But those days seemed to be gone forever. Somewhere along the way Billy had grown up. Grown old, perhaps.
And Dom was still stuck in this perpetual Peter Pan of childhood.
Dom took Billy's hand, jarring him out of his thoughts, then backed him gently against the wall of the alley, nuzzling into his neck before peering at him intently. "I was being serious back there at the store, y' know.", he said with a soft smile.
"About whacking SpongeBob? Certainly looked serious.” Billy tried to keep his voice light, but there was an edge behind the bantering words.
"Not that, y' daftie."
Dom had gone shy suddenly, and the needle on Billy's internal red-alert system began slowly edging up.
Dom's next words sent it shooting into the stratosphere.
“I want babies, Bills."
"What?” Billy looked over and saw the last thing he wanted to see in Dom's eyes- frank, unabashed sincerity. “Jaysus! Absolutely not!"
"Tons of wee, precious babies."
“Where th’ shite is this topic coming from, eh?”, Billy asked, a trifle wildly. He'd been ready to strangle Dom in the store, but right now he'd give about anything to have the Light Saber back in Dom's hands.
"I've been thinking on this a lot just lately, love. Can't seem to get it out of my mind. It...it's something in my soul, Bill." Dom gazed soberly into Billy's eyes, then lay his head on Billy's shoulder, looking to be petted.
Billy did not want to pet. Billy did not want to be here in this dank, dismal alley, surrounded by confining, smothering walls of brick and the ghostly vapors of exhaust fumes wafting in from the car park. And Billy sure as Christing fuck did not want to be having this bloody conversation. "Ridiculous- put it right out of your head, Dominic. You've no business being in charge of changing nappies- th' way you were acting back there, 'tis you should be wearing them!"
Dom seemed unfazed by the outburst, just wrapped his arms around Billy and kept talking in a soft, thoughtful voice. "I'm not having you on, Billy, I swear it. This means everything to me. I can't begin to explain it, but I've never felt anything more strongly."
Billy blinked. This conversation was beginning to sound uncomfortably familiar; he recalled a very similar discussion not long ago- though that one had been about organic gardening, if he was remembering correctly. Dom went through crazes like a wino through a bottle of Night Train. Last summer it had been Retro-Mania- Billy nearly went blind from staring at lava lamps and had gone around stumbling through obstacle courses of day-glo bean-bag chairs for three months running. December was model ship building- Dom had gotten halfway through a lovely replica of the Lusitania before deciding the hobby was absurd and abandoning it mid-stride. May’s flavor of the month was apparently fatherhood. He might be gung-ho for the idea now, but a few weeks into the thing Dom was just as likely to decide he was bored to tears and didn’t want the responsibility after all. What would they do then...toss the child into the storage closet with the go-go boots and the battleship Maine?
Even as he had the thoughts, Billy knew he wasn’t being fair. He had seen the way Dom was around wee ones, right from the get-go, how good he was with them, how naturally the whole thing came to him. The wistful, wanting look in Dom's eyes wasn't new- this was just the first time he had voiced the desire aloud. Of course they had discussed it in general terms before, as a lark, seeing which of the two could come up with the more outrageous name for their imaginary offspring... though never anything close to being serious. But Dom was as serious as a heart attack now. Billy knew from bitter experience that when Dom got a notion into his head he hung on as tenaciously as a Rottweiler with a rawhide chew. This wasn't going to go away any time soon, as much as Billy might wish it to. And if he tried to sidestep or ignore the topic, he was quite likely to get bitten.
Part of Billy had always known this day would come; and he had been dreading it for reasons he couldn't even begin to understand.
Just maybe, deep down, he was afraid of one day winding up in the storage closet himself.
"Kids, Billy. Something all ours to cuddle and love."
Dom was still prattling on, completely oblivious to the chaos that had become Billy's mind. And it wasn't only frustration now- the anger was swiftly being overshadowed by an overwhelming flood of fear. His heart was galloping in his chest and he suddenly found himself teetering on the razor's edge of panic. Something about this had triggered an almost animalistic reaction in him- they were swiftly coming down to fight or flight. He needed out of this talk, and immediately.
"I'll seriously think about considering it.", Billy said quickly, in dismissal, intending to do no such thing. “Now let’s get home, yeah, alright? 've got to get packed.”
Dom stayed him with a gentle hand to the chest. "Babies, sweetheart. So part of us will go on. So what we have together can go on for always. So this love we've got doesn't die with us." He reached out and touched Billy's face, his fingers caressing Billy's cheek, his thumb brushing slowly across Billy's lips in a soft kiss of skin.
The touch was pure Dom- warm and tender and loving, speaking all the emotions he could not express with his voice. That touch, if nothing else, told Billy that this was not a lark, not a game, not some brief, fleeting notion. This was straight from the bottom of Dom's heart.
And Billy was aghast to find it didn't sway his own in the slightest.
He took a deep breath and steadied himself, looking straight at Dom. "Someday, Dommie. Someday." And, oh...the lies were coming so easily as of late. In the past, Dom had always been able to see the untruth in Billy's eyes with a single glance. Now, when Billy's entire life was pretty much a masquerade, Dom seemed to suspect absolutely nothing. Perhaps he had forgotten how to read the lies. Or perhaps Billy had simply become expert at telling them. "Let it go for the moment, though, Dom, yeah?" Billy was close to pleading. The fear was swelling in him, taking over everything now.
"But it's the perfect timing, Bill- we both know the show's only going to last one more season. I'll be able to stay home with him. Her. Them." Dom paused a moment, then said in an earnest, almost desperate whisper, "I want to, Pip. No, it's more than that... something in me needs to."
Billy started to pull away, his pulse racing, his mouth dry, his panic reaching a fevered crescendo. "'m not having this discussion right now, Dominic. Just drop it.", Billy warned lowly, yanking the car keys from his pocket.
Dom's eyes had gone confused and wounded, but his mouth kept on. "Just think about it, yeah, Bills? Please?"
There was quiet for a long moment, and Billy began to believe he had escaped; bruised and bleeding a bit, perhaps, but relatively unscathed. Then Dom whispered one last, plaintive 'please', and Billy completely lost it. "Christ! Why can't ye ever just fuckin' let it alone, Dommie?" Billy's voice was harsh and scolding...but under all that, frightened senseless. “Ye push and ye push. One of these days you're going t’ push me right th’ bloody fuck away!"
But the push had already come, hadn't it? It had come some time ago, even if Billy wasn't yet able to admit it, even to himself. Why else would he be sneaking off to Scotland two days hence, to a near-stranger, to try and resurrect the peace he had once found in Dom's arms? Why else would he be weaving a web of deceit so tangled and dense even he couldn't sort out the lies from reality anymore?
"How can ye talk about children, about wanting to add t' us, when 'm not sure there is an 'us' anymore?! 'm not even sure I want there t' be, Dom!"
He shrugged off Dom's embrace and fled, charging blindly from the alley...and into the worst pain of his life.
Dom watched every bit of it happen but still couldn’t comprehend it, even as he saw the sudden, looming flash of red, as the stillness was shattered by the unforgiving screeching of brakes, even as he heard the dull, horrible impact of Billy's head marrying concrete. It all had the feel and shape of a dream, a night terror of epic proportions. Any moment now Dom would awaken, trembling and sweating, perhaps even weeping with fright... but with Billy sleeping peacefully beside him, snoring softly. And Billy would make it all go away, vanquish the demons with a kiss and a cuddle, as he had always done. Dom's legs recognized the truth before his heart, however, and he found himself running, stumbling forward, kneeling down on the cold, wet pavement to gather his lover’s limp body into his arms.
Billy eyes fluttered open. His world had become a strange, alien place comprised of silence and numbness. He could hear nothing, feel nothing, not even the rise of his own chest. But he caught one last, muzzy glimpse of Dom's strained, shocked face pleading down into his own.
Then even that faded to black and Billy knew no more.
tbc....
Author: flybynite29
Rating: Series PG-13 - NC17, this part PG-13 for language
Pairings: Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan, Billy/ofc, Orlando, Elijah, possible future pairings
Summary: Dom's come to a turning point in his life. So has Billy, but the path is taking him in the complete opposite direction.
Disclaimer: I do not own Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, or any of the other real-life persons in this work; I'm just playing with them for a bit. No money is being made off of any of this, and I adore all of these people far too much to intend any disrespect.
Warnings: AUish; WIP; Angst; and, to quote Rainman, Serious Injury
Feedback: I live for it. : )
a/n: Title and lyrics belong to Alanis Morrisette, and I think the song fits in very nicely with the things going on in this fic.
Crossposted to
monaboydCause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you
oughta know
"Boyd, what in the holy Christ were you thinking?" Billy groaned to himself as he cowered in the bicycle aisle, trying to hide behind a ten-speed.
A simple birthday gift for a nephew- that's what had started all this lunacy. Billy could have been in and out in ten minutes flat, including parking time. But no; he had to bring Dom along and turn it into the all-day shopping excursion from hell.
One did not get Dominic Monaghan anywhere near a toy store- not if one wanted to keep from going completely and totally mental, that was.
The man of the hour was currently in the Outdoor section of the shop, playing Frisbee with a gaggle of children that had flocked to him like bees to honey as soon as he had entered the building.
Billy sighed. His lover: the Pied Piper of fecking Toys R Us.
Billy watched as Dom swung his arm hard and let fly. The plastic disc rocketed upward, taking out a light fixture. Dom and his new friends simply tittered naughtily and bolted to another aisle, plastering on identical innocent, blasé looks once they got there.
Where the shite were the wee ones' parents? Dom wouldn't be nearly so eager to show off without an audience attending his every move. Then again, Billy could hardly expect other people to control their children when he couldn't even manage to control his boyfriend.
Billy spotted Dom's head rounding the corner of a nearby aisle and a spark of hope welled within him. Maybe he'd had enough, had decided, just for once, to take pity on Billy and go peacefully. Then he saw what Dom was holding, and all his hopes were snuffed in an instant.
A Light Saber.
If Dom had located the Star Wars merchandise there wasn't a chance in bloody hell of getting home before midnight. Billy noted that he'd chosen one of the older models, without all the bells and whistles and noises. No matter...Dom was making up for it in spades, whirring and beeping loudly while he swung it around in fancy battle-arcs. Billy looked on as Dom waged all-out galactic war with that dreaded evil minion of the Darkside: SpongeBob SquarePants. The kids applauded and hooted as the life-sized cardboard cut-out toppled on its side and Dom raised his fists in victory.
Billy lost sight of him for a couple of minutes then, and the area grew eerily, ominously silent. Here was another analogy common to both small children and his lover: when things got quiet, it was time to seriously begin worrying.
Billy heard a strange, mechanical noise and his worst fears were realized. Billy had no idea how he had managed to get hold of it, but here came Dominic, barreling along atop some sort of motorized scooter.
Billy stepped out and tried to snatch hold of him by the scarf, but grabbed only air as Dom zipped past, laughing. The trail of children ran after him gleefully, clamoring for a turn.
Billy winced as Dom rounded a corner too tightly and wiped out an entire shelf of Barbies. Where the fuck was Mall Security when you really needed them?
Billy became aware of the soft chattering of voices and was horrified to see that a crowd of parents had gathered around him to watch the ongoing antics.
A young woman shook her head at the spectacle, then looked at Billy and smiled tiredly. "Kids, huh? Crazy. My Debbie's the one with the pigtails. Which one's yours?"
"Th' big one.", Billy muttered, going scarlet. "Dominic!", he bellowed out after another moment. "'m counting t' ten! If you're not over here by then, 'm leaving without ye! I mean it, damn it!"
The group of adults turned to him en masse, shooting him withering glances and tsking under their breaths. Billy sighed again. He'd obviously committed some grave parenting faux-pas.
A matronly-looking older bird joined the onlookers, clacking her lips in disapproval. "Children these days have no discipline. None whatsoever.", she sniffed in Billy's direction.
"When we get home, I intend t' paddle mine till he bloody screams.", he growled as he brushed past the appalled woman.
It was obvious Dom was not going to be reasonable; Billy had been mad to think otherwise. As usual, he was going to have to take things in hand himself. He caught up to Dom just as he hopped off the scooter and started for a wire enclosure containing a varied assortment of beach balls.
"We're going, Monaghan. Now. Can ye not see th' mess you've made here?" Billy gestured around at the disheveled, toy-littered aisles. His eyes were sparking green fire, but Dom somehow managed to miss the angry look.
Dom seemed to be missing quite a lot lately.
His face was lit up by the cheeky, sunny, goofy grin that had stolen Billy's heart eight years earlier. But at the moment it was doing nothing but pissing him off righteously.
"That's what toy shops are for, Bills." Dom winked at the band of kids. "Playing." He crouched down to tie up the flapping laces of a little girl's trainer. Billy looked closely at the wee lass, not surprised to see she was gazing at Dom with something like adoration. That fact only served to ratchet Billy's irritation up another notch.
"Dom...we're th' grownups.", Billy reminded him tightly.
"Well, shite. When did that happen?" Dom appeared crestfallen. "That's no fun at all."
"Time t' go, Dominic." Billy took his arm none too gently and pulled him to his feet. "Say goodbye to your friends."
The children loudly protested the removal of their new hero, but Billy paid no heed, just clamped onto Dom's wrist and tugged him off. He managed to get Dom to the doors without further incident, but he stopped there, breaking Billy's hold to twist back around and wave to the kids. "We need our own, Bill. Lots and lots of little ones. Wouldn't that be brilliant?" Dom's eyes were happy and sparkling.
"Th' one I have now is more than enough t’ handle, Dommie, ta muchly.”, Billy grated out, steering Dom back in the right direction. “C'mon- you've done enough damage for today."
Billy started through the exit into the mall proper, but froze in his tracks as a loud, persistent beeping sound suddenly filled the air and the lights along the alarm sensor began flashing an ominous red. Billy glanced around, befuddled.
Ah...and here were the Mall Police, coming out in droves now. They had sat in their cubicles and done exactly nothing while a platoon of children annihilated the store under their very noses, but one wee, mild-mannered, beeping Scotsman apparently warranted DEFCON 1 status. Billy looked back to Dom for help, but he was doubled over, giggling maniacally, pointing at something behind Billy. He swung his head around, trying to get a look, and was mortified to see a glint of silver on the seat of his trousers.
Now Billy knew what that quick groping session back in the action figure aisle had been about. Whilst under the guise of feeling him up, Dom had surreptitiously planted a security sticker on his arse.
*******************************
Billy pushed out of the mall doors and into the gloom of the overcast afternoon, empty handed and fuming. Fuck the Lego Village. He was lucky to get out with his sanity intact.
He felt bone-weary all of a sudden, drained far past the point of exhaustion. And angry out of all proportion to anything that had actually happened inside. Dom had simply been being Dom; bright and playful, filled with life and energy. Only, just lately, Billy found it was getting harder and harder to keep up with him.
Fun was lovely in its place, but why did it seem Dom always had to take it one sodding step too far? There was a time not too long ago when Billy would've joined in, been right there beside Dom, his partner in crime, the twin Pied Piper. But those days seemed to be gone forever. Somewhere along the way Billy had grown up. Grown old, perhaps.
And Dom was still stuck in this perpetual Peter Pan of childhood.
Dom took Billy's hand, jarring him out of his thoughts, then backed him gently against the wall of the alley, nuzzling into his neck before peering at him intently. "I was being serious back there at the store, y' know.", he said with a soft smile.
"About whacking SpongeBob? Certainly looked serious.” Billy tried to keep his voice light, but there was an edge behind the bantering words.
"Not that, y' daftie."
Dom had gone shy suddenly, and the needle on Billy's internal red-alert system began slowly edging up.
Dom's next words sent it shooting into the stratosphere.
“I want babies, Bills."
"What?” Billy looked over and saw the last thing he wanted to see in Dom's eyes- frank, unabashed sincerity. “Jaysus! Absolutely not!"
"Tons of wee, precious babies."
“Where th’ shite is this topic coming from, eh?”, Billy asked, a trifle wildly. He'd been ready to strangle Dom in the store, but right now he'd give about anything to have the Light Saber back in Dom's hands.
"I've been thinking on this a lot just lately, love. Can't seem to get it out of my mind. It...it's something in my soul, Bill." Dom gazed soberly into Billy's eyes, then lay his head on Billy's shoulder, looking to be petted.
Billy did not want to pet. Billy did not want to be here in this dank, dismal alley, surrounded by confining, smothering walls of brick and the ghostly vapors of exhaust fumes wafting in from the car park. And Billy sure as Christing fuck did not want to be having this bloody conversation. "Ridiculous- put it right out of your head, Dominic. You've no business being in charge of changing nappies- th' way you were acting back there, 'tis you should be wearing them!"
Dom seemed unfazed by the outburst, just wrapped his arms around Billy and kept talking in a soft, thoughtful voice. "I'm not having you on, Billy, I swear it. This means everything to me. I can't begin to explain it, but I've never felt anything more strongly."
Billy blinked. This conversation was beginning to sound uncomfortably familiar; he recalled a very similar discussion not long ago- though that one had been about organic gardening, if he was remembering correctly. Dom went through crazes like a wino through a bottle of Night Train. Last summer it had been Retro-Mania- Billy nearly went blind from staring at lava lamps and had gone around stumbling through obstacle courses of day-glo bean-bag chairs for three months running. December was model ship building- Dom had gotten halfway through a lovely replica of the Lusitania before deciding the hobby was absurd and abandoning it mid-stride. May’s flavor of the month was apparently fatherhood. He might be gung-ho for the idea now, but a few weeks into the thing Dom was just as likely to decide he was bored to tears and didn’t want the responsibility after all. What would they do then...toss the child into the storage closet with the go-go boots and the battleship Maine?
Even as he had the thoughts, Billy knew he wasn’t being fair. He had seen the way Dom was around wee ones, right from the get-go, how good he was with them, how naturally the whole thing came to him. The wistful, wanting look in Dom's eyes wasn't new- this was just the first time he had voiced the desire aloud. Of course they had discussed it in general terms before, as a lark, seeing which of the two could come up with the more outrageous name for their imaginary offspring... though never anything close to being serious. But Dom was as serious as a heart attack now. Billy knew from bitter experience that when Dom got a notion into his head he hung on as tenaciously as a Rottweiler with a rawhide chew. This wasn't going to go away any time soon, as much as Billy might wish it to. And if he tried to sidestep or ignore the topic, he was quite likely to get bitten.
Part of Billy had always known this day would come; and he had been dreading it for reasons he couldn't even begin to understand.
Just maybe, deep down, he was afraid of one day winding up in the storage closet himself.
"Kids, Billy. Something all ours to cuddle and love."
Dom was still prattling on, completely oblivious to the chaos that had become Billy's mind. And it wasn't only frustration now- the anger was swiftly being overshadowed by an overwhelming flood of fear. His heart was galloping in his chest and he suddenly found himself teetering on the razor's edge of panic. Something about this had triggered an almost animalistic reaction in him- they were swiftly coming down to fight or flight. He needed out of this talk, and immediately.
"I'll seriously think about considering it.", Billy said quickly, in dismissal, intending to do no such thing. “Now let’s get home, yeah, alright? 've got to get packed.”
Dom stayed him with a gentle hand to the chest. "Babies, sweetheart. So part of us will go on. So what we have together can go on for always. So this love we've got doesn't die with us." He reached out and touched Billy's face, his fingers caressing Billy's cheek, his thumb brushing slowly across Billy's lips in a soft kiss of skin.
The touch was pure Dom- warm and tender and loving, speaking all the emotions he could not express with his voice. That touch, if nothing else, told Billy that this was not a lark, not a game, not some brief, fleeting notion. This was straight from the bottom of Dom's heart.
And Billy was aghast to find it didn't sway his own in the slightest.
He took a deep breath and steadied himself, looking straight at Dom. "Someday, Dommie. Someday." And, oh...the lies were coming so easily as of late. In the past, Dom had always been able to see the untruth in Billy's eyes with a single glance. Now, when Billy's entire life was pretty much a masquerade, Dom seemed to suspect absolutely nothing. Perhaps he had forgotten how to read the lies. Or perhaps Billy had simply become expert at telling them. "Let it go for the moment, though, Dom, yeah?" Billy was close to pleading. The fear was swelling in him, taking over everything now.
"But it's the perfect timing, Bill- we both know the show's only going to last one more season. I'll be able to stay home with him. Her. Them." Dom paused a moment, then said in an earnest, almost desperate whisper, "I want to, Pip. No, it's more than that... something in me needs to."
Billy started to pull away, his pulse racing, his mouth dry, his panic reaching a fevered crescendo. "'m not having this discussion right now, Dominic. Just drop it.", Billy warned lowly, yanking the car keys from his pocket.
Dom's eyes had gone confused and wounded, but his mouth kept on. "Just think about it, yeah, Bills? Please?"
There was quiet for a long moment, and Billy began to believe he had escaped; bruised and bleeding a bit, perhaps, but relatively unscathed. Then Dom whispered one last, plaintive 'please', and Billy completely lost it. "Christ! Why can't ye ever just fuckin' let it alone, Dommie?" Billy's voice was harsh and scolding...but under all that, frightened senseless. “Ye push and ye push. One of these days you're going t’ push me right th’ bloody fuck away!"
But the push had already come, hadn't it? It had come some time ago, even if Billy wasn't yet able to admit it, even to himself. Why else would he be sneaking off to Scotland two days hence, to a near-stranger, to try and resurrect the peace he had once found in Dom's arms? Why else would he be weaving a web of deceit so tangled and dense even he couldn't sort out the lies from reality anymore?
"How can ye talk about children, about wanting to add t' us, when 'm not sure there is an 'us' anymore?! 'm not even sure I want there t' be, Dom!"
He shrugged off Dom's embrace and fled, charging blindly from the alley...and into the worst pain of his life.
Dom watched every bit of it happen but still couldn’t comprehend it, even as he saw the sudden, looming flash of red, as the stillness was shattered by the unforgiving screeching of brakes, even as he heard the dull, horrible impact of Billy's head marrying concrete. It all had the feel and shape of a dream, a night terror of epic proportions. Any moment now Dom would awaken, trembling and sweating, perhaps even weeping with fright... but with Billy sleeping peacefully beside him, snoring softly. And Billy would make it all go away, vanquish the demons with a kiss and a cuddle, as he had always done. Dom's legs recognized the truth before his heart, however, and he found himself running, stumbling forward, kneeling down on the cold, wet pavement to gather his lover’s limp body into his arms.
Billy eyes fluttered open. His world had become a strange, alien place comprised of silence and numbness. He could hear nothing, feel nothing, not even the rise of his own chest. But he caught one last, muzzy glimpse of Dom's strained, shocked face pleading down into his own.
Then even that faded to black and Billy knew no more.
tbc....
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What are ye thinkin' woman, leaving us there! RIGHT THERE!
I'm comin' over there RIGHT now to make you write more!
*sound of door slamming!*
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