ext_29511 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
pecos.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2006-03-27 12:02 am
pecos.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2006-03-27 12:02 am
The Luckiest Dog in the World - 26!
Greetings to everyone from the infamous Banzai Institute. I'm very pleased to be able to offer you a continuation of Sidi's Dogiography. Please note that these stories have no beta reader. This is not due to lack of consideration for the gentle readers' sensibilities, but rather because Sidi's grasp of grammar and spelling is unique in the extreme, and defies any but the most basic attempts at editing. My sincere apologies for any errors.
Title: The Blue Banana Monkey
Series: The Luckiest Dog in the World - 26
Author: Pecos – PecosPhil@sprintmail.com
Website: http://www.chimerafic.com
Rating: PG – crude language, innuendo
Feedback: remember the golden rule, (please!)
Disclaimer: I don’t make the toys, I’m
only playing with them. No money made,
nor disrespect intended
Who’s in it?: Orlando Bloom, his Dog, his pals...
Summary: Sidi is Orlando’s dog, and he’s got a
story to tell
Note: Please forgive any intentional or
unintentional abuse of facts and history
Note 2: Apparently Sidi ate something filled with
sugar before he sat down to continue his
story. Your humble psychic celebrity pet
biographer just writes what she’s told. All
editorial opinions regarding cats are the
dog’s, and the dog’s alone.You might also wonder
how it is that Sidi understands Portuguese. He’s a dog. He
understands a lot more than he gets credit
for. It’s just mean people that mystify him
The Blue Banana Monkey
There was a story I was telling to the People who Read about stuff that happened to Sidi Dog and Essa and how we got on an Adventure by surprise.
You know, sometimes things happen and nobody meant for that thing to be. This is called fate, like in fatal, which is sorta like when you see a Dog - or something less important, like a Cat (!) - that got run over by a speedy car. It’s a really Bad Thing to get run over by speedy cars! The only Good thing about that is if it’s a Squirrel! that gets run over…and sometimes I even feel Bad about the Squirrel! because maybe somewhere there are some Good Squirrels! that don’t Tease Dogs or climb trees and flick their tails at you and make you Really Really Mad so you just have to Bark! and Bark! and Bark!
But probably not.
What was I telling You about? Oh, yeah. The Blue Banana Monkey. Maybe you should get a Snack or something and Sit Down to read this story because it gets really complicated. If you get confused by all the things just go back and read it again and again and again and maybe tip your head to one side. That always works for Me!
So the story about Sidi and Essa and the Blue Banana Monkey is what I’m telling you….
Did you get the Snack? Did you Share it with the Dogs at your House? Do you need some more Dogs at your Personal Den, because I know where you can find some to come and live with you!
I’m just asking….
‘Cause there’s a Dog place where this Miracle Thing called Adoption gets done. They even do Cats! there, so they’re not picky! After all, not every Dog is as Lucky as Me and gets picked up by somebody Excellent like my Alpha Male, Orlando. Some Dogs don’t get People Packs at all, and these are Outsider Dogs. Maybe these are the Dogs that get hit by speedy Cars. Doesn’t that make you Sad? It makes me Sad. Now I’m Sad….
I’m going to go Lie Down and think about that for a while.
Oh, but First I’ll tell you more about my story, okay?
So, the last thing I was telling you about was when Essa and Sidi got put inside the little boxes and we rode inside the Big Big Car that’s called Airplane, and when the riding part was done we were in a place named Brazil. It was Really Hot there, like in Kent-ucky, so I think maybe we had gone to somewhere near Elizabeth Town. That would be okay with me, because I like just about everywhere. But there was one Very Big Thing wrong with Brazil - my Alpha Orlando was in London Place!
There were some Nice People there who let us Dogs Out of the little boxes and took us Walkies and then there were other People there making talk about our ‘Situation’. This is what you call Sidi and Essa being Lost by Stupid Airplane People…a Situation.
An Alpha Male Person came to see us in the waiting place and he said “No more airplanes tonight,” and he went to put us back in the little boxes. That’s when I wanted to growl at him and maybe make a fake bite, but since my Orlando wasn’t around I didn’t have anything to Defend and I had to let myself be pushed back into the Awful little box! But I did Want to Bite him when he put his hand on my butt and pushed me in there! I didn’t get any cheese either, and my Alpha always gives me cheese when we have to get in the boxes like that!
Can you guess how scary it was to think that we were going to be left in the little boxes all night? I Hate those little boxes! Maybe someone would forget us there Forever! Essa was whining, and I was Barking a bit. It was very dark outside and I could smell all sorts of strange and intriguing and different smells, but I couldn’t get out of the little box. I was Hungry Too! You know that Dogs are Always Hungry, right?
It’s a Dog thing.
And then a Female Person who had been there earlier came back into the storage place and she said “shhhh!” and got ropes for leashes and let us Out! I was so glad that I jumped all over like a Crazy Dog and licked her face! She tasted kinda salty – I liked it! She said it was so sad to be locked up. Then she took us to her Car for a Ride in the big, big and strange City! She drove a long ways on streets that smelled of all sorts of new things.
At her Den there was kids and a Man and hot Food! that got Shared with Hungry Dogs! They had a really big bird that sat on a pole above the floor and made noises at me. I probably would have eaten that big bird - except that I remembered that I was supposed to be a Good Dog and Not Eat Other Pets. This comes from that unfortunate situation with Dominic Hobbit and his pet bug that tasted like chicken. If you don’t remember that story then don’t worry about it or anything, it’s not important….
The important thing that Sidi remembers is that it’s not Nice to eat other People’s pets. Sometimes Dogs get spanked about things like that…and I don’t like getting spanked!
After we got some Food and some petting from everybody the house got quiet and Essa and I found a place to lie down and sleep. I missed my Alpha. I missed my Viggo Cloth for nesting with. I missed my Sidi Toys. Just remembering all of that makes me Sad again!
*Sigh*
Anyhow, I have to finish telling you about the Sad part or I can’t get to the Better part. So this is what happened next:
Without my Alpha around to Protect and Guard I didn’t have a job to do that night, so I slept pretty Good and Deep and maybe for a while. Essa slept too, and Farted, which you know she is famous for. Very early in the morning the family of Strange People got up and kids and Man were doing morning things. Nice Lady Who Saved Us made some Food, and we got to eat some! I ate a thing called banana, which is mushy and cool on your tongue and kinda sticks to your teeth like peanut butter. Orlando likes to give me peanut butter and then he laughs and laughs!
“Banana Dog!” the kids laughed and I wagged my tail. Essa wouldn’t eat it.
And then the Nice Lady Who Saved us got the ropes for our necks again and it was going to be another Ride in her Car! But before we had to leave one of the kids brought me a Present! and it wasn’t really a Toy like I was used to, but it was like a little person shape filled with squishy stuff and it smelled strange and kinda nice. “Blue Banana Monkey!” the little Person Pup said, and she fixed it around my neck and it stayed there.
Essa got one too, but I don’t think hers got a name, so mine is better. After that the Nice Lady drove her Car around, and another strange Man got inside to Ride with us, and he thought it was weird that there was Dogs going for a Ride too! After a while we got to the Airport Place again. The Nice Lady snuck us back into the building where we were before and tied our ropes to the Awful boxes. She petted Essa a long time, and then me too!
That’s where we were when the Alpha Man from the night before came in, and he smelled like old sweat and he was Worried! He started making a Lot of Noise about how us Dogs were Important Dogs! (You already know that we are Important Dogs to my Alphas, so you’re not surprised. But Some People in Brazil were very surprised to find out that we had People who love us and were looking for us!) He said that we had to get on the first airplane to London! That was Good with me, so I Barked! at everything and everybody! Nobody told me to Shut Up!
After that there was another Man who came to put us inside our Awful little boxes again, but it wasn’t really so bad in there with my Blue Banana Monkey to keep me company. The Dogs in boxes got moved quick to an airplane that was completely full of Not-Dog boxes. There was something about that airplane that I didn’t like. I think it smelled like the inside of the Big Brown Truck that the Evil Guy! drives, which is always bringing stuff to our Den. I do Not Approve of that Evil Guy!, even after the thing that happened in Idaho Place, which I’m sure you remember.
Anyway, the airplane drove really really, fast and pretty soon we were riding on nothing, like airplanes are supposed to do. I know it sounds weird, but it’s normal for them to drive in the sky. You just have to remember not to be scared.
A Nice Man came walking through the boxes and he let us get Out and Run around a bit inside the airplane! It was good to be able to move around and when I had to make a Piss inside the plane I was Sorry but he cleaned it up and didn’t Yell at me or anything.
After a Really Long Time the airplane slowed down and bumped around and then when the door got opened I could smell the air that told me we were in London Place! That air smells totally different from any other air. It smells like where my Alpha was whelped by his Dam and where his heart goes sometimes when he misses the family part of his Pack. Essa was Barking! now without hardly stopping to breathe, and I think she was just scared instead of glad to be in the right Place. I wanted to lick her muzzle and make her feel safe but that was impossible being locked up in the Awful little boxes.
The Moving Things Around Guys came onto the airplane and our boxes were the first things to get taken off. My box got put on a cart and I got a ride into a place where a Man looked at the papers on my box and looked at me and opened the door to check me over. I’m used to that sort of thing, and I always behave like a Good Dog for then, because otherwise you have to go away to another place!
“Approved,” the Man said and then my box and Essa’s got moved again and suddenly there was a person there calling my name!
Imagine my surprise because it wasn’t my Alpha Male Orlando who had come to get us! It was Treats-in-pocket Man, who is called Sean!
He opened the boxes immediately and us Dogs jumped up to lick him and Barked! and Ran Around like Crazy and he was hugging me and petting Essa and it was a Great Time! He had Treats in his Pockets, too! I got three, and Essa only got two!
“Look at this!” Sean said when he saw our new monkey friends. “You’ve got souvenirs!” I’m sure he was Impressed with how Good the Dogs had been and that we had got Presents!
Sean had our proper leashes and he had some Men to help get the boxes into his Big Car. Then he drove us out of the parking place into London City and he told me over and over that he was taking me to see my Alpha! and that I was a Good, Good Dog! My tail never stopped wagging! See…I told you that things would get better!
And that’s where I’m going to have to end this part of my Story - the Story about Sidi, and how I’m the Luckiest Dog in the World. I’ll tell you more about what happened next later. But right now I have to go, because that Damned Squirrel! is outside the window again and I have to go Bark! at it!...
Bye for now!
Title: The Blue Banana Monkey
Series: The Luckiest Dog in the World - 26
Author: Pecos – PecosPhil@sprintmail.com
Website: http://www.chimerafic.com
Rating: PG – crude language, innuendo
Feedback: remember the golden rule, (please!)
Disclaimer: I don’t make the toys, I’m
only playing with them. No money made,
nor disrespect intended
Who’s in it?: Orlando Bloom, his Dog, his pals...
Summary: Sidi is Orlando’s dog, and he’s got a
story to tell
Note: Please forgive any intentional or
unintentional abuse of facts and history
Note 2: Apparently Sidi ate something filled with
sugar before he sat down to continue his
story. Your humble psychic celebrity pet
biographer just writes what she’s told. All
editorial opinions regarding cats are the
dog’s, and the dog’s alone.You might also wonder
how it is that Sidi understands Portuguese. He’s a dog. He
understands a lot more than he gets credit
for. It’s just mean people that mystify him
The Blue Banana Monkey
There was a story I was telling to the People who Read about stuff that happened to Sidi Dog and Essa and how we got on an Adventure by surprise.
You know, sometimes things happen and nobody meant for that thing to be. This is called fate, like in fatal, which is sorta like when you see a Dog - or something less important, like a Cat (!) - that got run over by a speedy car. It’s a really Bad Thing to get run over by speedy cars! The only Good thing about that is if it’s a Squirrel! that gets run over…and sometimes I even feel Bad about the Squirrel! because maybe somewhere there are some Good Squirrels! that don’t Tease Dogs or climb trees and flick their tails at you and make you Really Really Mad so you just have to Bark! and Bark! and Bark!
But probably not.
What was I telling You about? Oh, yeah. The Blue Banana Monkey. Maybe you should get a Snack or something and Sit Down to read this story because it gets really complicated. If you get confused by all the things just go back and read it again and again and again and maybe tip your head to one side. That always works for Me!
So the story about Sidi and Essa and the Blue Banana Monkey is what I’m telling you….
Did you get the Snack? Did you Share it with the Dogs at your House? Do you need some more Dogs at your Personal Den, because I know where you can find some to come and live with you!
I’m just asking….
‘Cause there’s a Dog place where this Miracle Thing called Adoption gets done. They even do Cats! there, so they’re not picky! After all, not every Dog is as Lucky as Me and gets picked up by somebody Excellent like my Alpha Male, Orlando. Some Dogs don’t get People Packs at all, and these are Outsider Dogs. Maybe these are the Dogs that get hit by speedy Cars. Doesn’t that make you Sad? It makes me Sad. Now I’m Sad….
I’m going to go Lie Down and think about that for a while.
Oh, but First I’ll tell you more about my story, okay?
So, the last thing I was telling you about was when Essa and Sidi got put inside the little boxes and we rode inside the Big Big Car that’s called Airplane, and when the riding part was done we were in a place named Brazil. It was Really Hot there, like in Kent-ucky, so I think maybe we had gone to somewhere near Elizabeth Town. That would be okay with me, because I like just about everywhere. But there was one Very Big Thing wrong with Brazil - my Alpha Orlando was in London Place!
There were some Nice People there who let us Dogs Out of the little boxes and took us Walkies and then there were other People there making talk about our ‘Situation’. This is what you call Sidi and Essa being Lost by Stupid Airplane People…a Situation.
An Alpha Male Person came to see us in the waiting place and he said “No more airplanes tonight,” and he went to put us back in the little boxes. That’s when I wanted to growl at him and maybe make a fake bite, but since my Orlando wasn’t around I didn’t have anything to Defend and I had to let myself be pushed back into the Awful little box! But I did Want to Bite him when he put his hand on my butt and pushed me in there! I didn’t get any cheese either, and my Alpha always gives me cheese when we have to get in the boxes like that!
Can you guess how scary it was to think that we were going to be left in the little boxes all night? I Hate those little boxes! Maybe someone would forget us there Forever! Essa was whining, and I was Barking a bit. It was very dark outside and I could smell all sorts of strange and intriguing and different smells, but I couldn’t get out of the little box. I was Hungry Too! You know that Dogs are Always Hungry, right?
It’s a Dog thing.
And then a Female Person who had been there earlier came back into the storage place and she said “shhhh!” and got ropes for leashes and let us Out! I was so glad that I jumped all over like a Crazy Dog and licked her face! She tasted kinda salty – I liked it! She said it was so sad to be locked up. Then she took us to her Car for a Ride in the big, big and strange City! She drove a long ways on streets that smelled of all sorts of new things.
At her Den there was kids and a Man and hot Food! that got Shared with Hungry Dogs! They had a really big bird that sat on a pole above the floor and made noises at me. I probably would have eaten that big bird - except that I remembered that I was supposed to be a Good Dog and Not Eat Other Pets. This comes from that unfortunate situation with Dominic Hobbit and his pet bug that tasted like chicken. If you don’t remember that story then don’t worry about it or anything, it’s not important….
The important thing that Sidi remembers is that it’s not Nice to eat other People’s pets. Sometimes Dogs get spanked about things like that…and I don’t like getting spanked!
After we got some Food and some petting from everybody the house got quiet and Essa and I found a place to lie down and sleep. I missed my Alpha. I missed my Viggo Cloth for nesting with. I missed my Sidi Toys. Just remembering all of that makes me Sad again!
*Sigh*
Anyhow, I have to finish telling you about the Sad part or I can’t get to the Better part. So this is what happened next:
Without my Alpha around to Protect and Guard I didn’t have a job to do that night, so I slept pretty Good and Deep and maybe for a while. Essa slept too, and Farted, which you know she is famous for. Very early in the morning the family of Strange People got up and kids and Man were doing morning things. Nice Lady Who Saved Us made some Food, and we got to eat some! I ate a thing called banana, which is mushy and cool on your tongue and kinda sticks to your teeth like peanut butter. Orlando likes to give me peanut butter and then he laughs and laughs!
“Banana Dog!” the kids laughed and I wagged my tail. Essa wouldn’t eat it.
And then the Nice Lady Who Saved us got the ropes for our necks again and it was going to be another Ride in her Car! But before we had to leave one of the kids brought me a Present! and it wasn’t really a Toy like I was used to, but it was like a little person shape filled with squishy stuff and it smelled strange and kinda nice. “Blue Banana Monkey!” the little Person Pup said, and she fixed it around my neck and it stayed there.
Essa got one too, but I don’t think hers got a name, so mine is better. After that the Nice Lady drove her Car around, and another strange Man got inside to Ride with us, and he thought it was weird that there was Dogs going for a Ride too! After a while we got to the Airport Place again. The Nice Lady snuck us back into the building where we were before and tied our ropes to the Awful boxes. She petted Essa a long time, and then me too!
That’s where we were when the Alpha Man from the night before came in, and he smelled like old sweat and he was Worried! He started making a Lot of Noise about how us Dogs were Important Dogs! (You already know that we are Important Dogs to my Alphas, so you’re not surprised. But Some People in Brazil were very surprised to find out that we had People who love us and were looking for us!) He said that we had to get on the first airplane to London! That was Good with me, so I Barked! at everything and everybody! Nobody told me to Shut Up!
After that there was another Man who came to put us inside our Awful little boxes again, but it wasn’t really so bad in there with my Blue Banana Monkey to keep me company. The Dogs in boxes got moved quick to an airplane that was completely full of Not-Dog boxes. There was something about that airplane that I didn’t like. I think it smelled like the inside of the Big Brown Truck that the Evil Guy! drives, which is always bringing stuff to our Den. I do Not Approve of that Evil Guy!, even after the thing that happened in Idaho Place, which I’m sure you remember.
Anyway, the airplane drove really really, fast and pretty soon we were riding on nothing, like airplanes are supposed to do. I know it sounds weird, but it’s normal for them to drive in the sky. You just have to remember not to be scared.
A Nice Man came walking through the boxes and he let us get Out and Run around a bit inside the airplane! It was good to be able to move around and when I had to make a Piss inside the plane I was Sorry but he cleaned it up and didn’t Yell at me or anything.
After a Really Long Time the airplane slowed down and bumped around and then when the door got opened I could smell the air that told me we were in London Place! That air smells totally different from any other air. It smells like where my Alpha was whelped by his Dam and where his heart goes sometimes when he misses the family part of his Pack. Essa was Barking! now without hardly stopping to breathe, and I think she was just scared instead of glad to be in the right Place. I wanted to lick her muzzle and make her feel safe but that was impossible being locked up in the Awful little boxes.
The Moving Things Around Guys came onto the airplane and our boxes were the first things to get taken off. My box got put on a cart and I got a ride into a place where a Man looked at the papers on my box and looked at me and opened the door to check me over. I’m used to that sort of thing, and I always behave like a Good Dog for then, because otherwise you have to go away to another place!
“Approved,” the Man said and then my box and Essa’s got moved again and suddenly there was a person there calling my name!
Imagine my surprise because it wasn’t my Alpha Male Orlando who had come to get us! It was Treats-in-pocket Man, who is called Sean!
He opened the boxes immediately and us Dogs jumped up to lick him and Barked! and Ran Around like Crazy and he was hugging me and petting Essa and it was a Great Time! He had Treats in his Pockets, too! I got three, and Essa only got two!
“Look at this!” Sean said when he saw our new monkey friends. “You’ve got souvenirs!” I’m sure he was Impressed with how Good the Dogs had been and that we had got Presents!
Sean had our proper leashes and he had some Men to help get the boxes into his Big Car. Then he drove us out of the parking place into London City and he told me over and over that he was taking me to see my Alpha! and that I was a Good, Good Dog! My tail never stopped wagging! See…I told you that things would get better!
And that’s where I’m going to have to end this part of my Story - the Story about Sidi, and how I’m the Luckiest Dog in the World. I’ll tell you more about what happened next later. But right now I have to go, because that Damned Squirrel! is outside the window again and I have to go Bark! at it!...
Bye for now!
no subject
I am going to get you a Whole Box of Treats! How does that sound?
*pets you and gives you a Bone!*
no subject
*waits for bone with Big Black eyes*
no subject
no subject
*makes sure Essa isn't around*
*goes off to Eat Treats!*
*distant sound of tail thumping on carpet...*
no subject
no subject
You can write to Me anytime! I got Nothing Important to do, okay?
no subject
no subject