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fellowshippers2006-01-12 06:03 pm
sairalinde.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2006-01-12 06:03 pm
Title: Honor Bound Chapter 9
Title: Honor Bound Chapter 9
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sairalinde & anorienbean
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: David Wenham/Craig Parker
Disclaimer: No money was made from this fic, and we do not mean to imply anything about the sexual preferences of anyone mentioned within.
Summary: A knight in the King's service, attacked by thieves and lost in the forest in the dead of winter, finds himself on the doorstep of a kind farmer who takes him in and cares for him. Falling in love with his savior, the knight is bound by an oath taken years ago against his better judgment.
David had lost track of time since he had come to the barn to check on one of the sheep that had birthed early that morning. He had found the ewe down. He had moved them both into the back of the barn in a large stall. The ewe seemed to be struggling to breathe and he worried that it might not make it through the night. If it didn't, he would need to feed the lamb goat’s milk or try and get one of the other sheep to 'adopt' the lamb before it starved.
He leaned back against the wall and listened to the animal's labored breathing and rubbed her muzzle as he held her lamb in his lap to give it warmth. He knew it might be getting late but he wasn't sure if he should risk going back to the house tonight. If he lost one of them that was one thing, but losing both would be more difficult. The animals were his livelihood but he also cared about them, probably more than he should.
He closed his eyes for a moment and wondered what it would be like to live like Craig had. Was it really all that different from David's life? Craig was a knight but he had responsibilities he had told him, watching over other knights and soldiers under his command at times. "Not so very different in some ways, except sheep don't go to war…they only get sick, don't they girl?" he asked the sick animal who simply looked up at him from large brown eyes filled with pain.
Craig walked toward the barn carefully balancing two steaming mugs of tea, a bowl of water for David to wash his hands with, towels, and a plate full of bread, cold meat, and cheeses on a small tray. He’d spent the day running back and forth between trying to help David with the lamb, of which he admitted he knew very little about, and doing some of the small chores he’d taken to doing around the farm every day. As he walked into the barn door, he stopped for a moment, his breath catching in his throat, as he stared at David, sitting on the ground, gently cradling the newborn lamb in his lap and talking softly to the ewe that looked even weaker than she did the last time he’d seen her, less than an hour ago. Every day, he fell deeper in love with the red-haired farmer who’d taken him in so many months ago, yet he was not yet free to tell him, or, especially, to show him that love. Not yet anyway.
“Hey,” he said softly, crossing over to the stall where David was gently stroking the ewe’s muzzle. “How is she?”
David looked up as Craig spoke and smiled tiredly, "Hey," he said looking back down, "I honestly don't know if she'll make it through the night," he said sadly. "I hate this part of being a farmer," he admitted accepting a mug of tea from Craig. He smiled as he saw everything on the small tray, "Thank you for bringing me dinner...and...for everything today." Craig honestly had no idea how much help he had been the last several months, helping David with the farm, though at times it was quite obvious Craig was never a farmer. David knew he was a nobleman and that the work he had done on the farm was well beneath his station. For that, David was even more grateful, not many would do that but then he had always known Craig was different from the very moment he'd first gazed into beautiful blue eyes.
“No need to thank me,” Craig smiled, settling down on the ground beside David and putting the tray in front of them. //Besides…just being able to be here with you is all the thanks I need…though I’m sure you’re more than getting tired of me by now.// “I wish I could be more help, but I’m kind of at a loss right now.” He looked over and saw how exhausted David looked, seeing the worry in his eyes and the tired slump of his shoulders. “Are you all right? I mean, I know you’re worried, but…is there anything I can get you, or….or…do?”
David smiled and shook his head, "I'm fine. Just...tired, and worried. I hate just sitting here waiting for an animal to live or die," he said softly. "I could use the company though, this little guy isn't terribly talkative," he grinned running his fingers gently over the back of the sleeping lamb. "Maybe you can just stay for a while, keep me a bit of company?" David asked hoping that Craig would stay.
Craig laughed and reached behind him for one of the blankets stacked on the shelf against the back wall. Gently wrapping it around David’s shoulders, he draped one end around to cover the lamb in his lap. “Just what I was hoping you’d say,” he said softly. “But you have to promise to eat something. You won’t be any help to either of them if you make yourself sick with worry or forget to eat. I brought you some water for you to wash up, and plenty of food.”
David smiled feeling cared for beyond anything he'd ever hoped and had to push the feeling away. //He's just being helpful and friendly. He doesn't care for you as anything more than a friend.// "I know...I am hungry, I just didn't want to leave...just in case. I don't know what I would have done without you...well...I'd have gone hungry is what I'd have done," David grinned as he washed his hands and dried them on a towel that Craig had brought. He took a bit of bread and some cheese and took a drink from his mug of tea as he leaned back against the wall, he sighed. "I know life here hasn't been terribly exciting...but I appreciate your staying to help. Lambing season, as you've seen, can be quite tough," he said softly. In the back of his mind he wondered when he would hear the words that Craig needed to return to St. Albans.
“Actually,” Craig said, leaning back against the wall and smiling at David as he took a sip of his own tea, “it has been exciting. I’ve learned a lot, and //fallen in love// …made a very good friend.” Catching his bottom lip between his teeth, he forced the words he wanted to say to stay locked away. “It is quite different from life in St. Albans, though,” he continued. “Have you ever been there?”
"Once when I was a child, probably not more than five. It was before my mother died, we went to visit my father's sister. All I remember is a vague recollection of it being very crowded, and I remember the castle. Of course I was so small everything looked absolutely huge," he smiled. "Maybe one day I'll see it again as an adult," he added as he took another bite of his bread. //No. You won't. You'll stay here on this farm until you grow old and die.// David looked down at the food in his hand and closed his eyes for a moment. Until Craig came into his life he hadn't really thought about more, about a different life than the one he'd been given. Now, he often found himself wondering what it would be like to be free of the responsibilities of the farm. Though he had little other skill, even if he did leave the farm one day what would he do? Granted, few of his ilk could read and write...but what could he do with that?
Craig closed his own eyes and pictured the city of his birth. His mind wandered, and he could almost feel what it would be like to come home to David at the end of every day, to be able to hold him every night without the hindrance of nightshirts, to be able to kiss him and make love to him whenever they felt like it, to share a house of their own. He felt guilty, knowing that he *should* be thinking of Karl, but he’d never wanted that with him. At this point in his life, he wanted to share a mug of ale and a few stories with his friend, and nothing more. Whether Karl set him free of his promise or not, Craig knew in his heart that things would never be the same between them…not after he’d fallen so hard for David. “I think you’d like living there,” he said softly. Realizing what he’d said, he shook his head and leaned over, pretending to examine the ewe, though he hadn’t the first clue what he was supposed to be checking for. “I mean….I mean I think you’d like to visit. I could...show you around or…something.” Biting his tongue hard, he felt his face flush. //And *why* exactly would he want to live there? You’ve given him nothing…and he probably won’t love you back, even if you were to tell him how you feel.//
David's eyes blinked open as Craig spoke. //Live there? He did say that right?// He shook his head though as Craig leaned over examining the ewe and smiled. "I would love to visit you," he said softly. //If only I could stay...with you. That is what I want. I never wish to be parted from your side, but I know one day soon you will tell me that you need to return. It will break my heart, but I'll have no choice but to watch you leave.// Trying to push away the unsettling thoughts, David finished his food and took a long drink of his tea. "It's getting late, you'll want to be going back to the house soon I imagine."
Craig gave the ewe a final gentle pat to the nose and looked over at David. “*I’ll* be wanting to get back to the house?” he asked, not really surprised. “You mean, you’re not coming? You…you’re going to stay out here, and keep an eye on these two, aren’t you?”
David nodded, "Yes, it's not that uncommon, Craig. I've slept in the barn quite often with a sick animal. Besides, if I went back to the house I'd never actually get any rest, so it's simpler to just stay here. I know it's not likely to help her...but...I know that I wouldn't want to die alone," he said softly. //Though that's exactly what will happen to *you* isn't it? You'll die alone on this farm with no one to miss you except a few neighbors.//
Reaching behind him, Craig grabbed the remaining blanket from the shelf against the wall. Folding it up and laying it against the wall as a makeshift pillow, he gently tugged the one he’d put on David’s shoulders away and spread it out. He lay down on the soft hay and smiled up at his friend. He had no desire at all to go back to the house without David, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink if he were to lay in the bed alone. It would be as bad as those nights when they’d slept apart, before David asked him to come back and share the bed with him again. Craig had gotten little to no sleep, and he wasn’t anxious to repeat those long sleepless nights, even if it meant sleeping on the hay in a barn. “So we’ll both stay,” he said softly, resting back against the wall and hoping David would move into his arms like he usually did in bed. He knew David only liked the feel of having someone next to him at night, but to Craig, each night was pure bliss, and he knew he’d miss the feel of holding David close when he returned to St. Albans.
David watched as Craig spread the blanket out and lay down. //He's staying?// He smiled and scooted closer, carefully so he wouldn't wake the little lamb in his lap. He leaned his head against Craig's shoulder and closed his eyes for a long moment. "You certainly didn't have to do this...but I'm glad you are," he whispered.
“I *want* to,” Craig said softly as he wrapped his arms around David as he had every night for weeks. There was no guilt in *this*, he knew. They’d never even kissed, never been intimate by any stretch of the imagination. He was bound by his oath, at least physically, but he’d never promised Karl that he wouldn’t fall in love with someone else. On the nights when David’s touch, or his smile, or his laughter, or simply the look in his eyes almost drove Craig out of his mind, he’d made an excuse to go outside alone, and found his relief there…always thinking of David, dreaming of feeling his touch, his mouth, his hands, his body. This…holding David at night…was innocent and pure, and something Craig wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. “Get some rest,” he whispered. “I’ll watch over them for a while and wake you if anything changes.”
David sighed softly and snuggled against Craig's side a bit. "All right," he whispered, though it was nearly cut off by a yawn. Laughing softly he shook his head. "More tired than I thought...wake me if she tries to get up...or...or anything else," he said hoping that she would try and get up sometime in the night. David's eyes grew heavy as he mumbled goodnight, and without realizing it his hand slid down and his fingers twined with Craig's. Sleep overtook him almost immediately.
Craig smiled as David’s fingers wound around his own, and gave them a gentle squeeze. He stared down at the peaceful face of the man he loved and took a deep, slow breath, trying to calm his heart, as he had to do every night when they first snuggled against each other. The familiar mantra ran through his mind…//Calm down. Breathe. Concentrate. Close your eyes and just breathe…// Pulling David closer, he kept their hands entwined and pressed his lips to the forehead of the man in his arms…sweet, innocent kisses that he only indulged in when he was sure David was asleep. With a content sigh, he settled in for the night, keeping watch over the lamb, the ewe, and most of all, the man who had so effortlessly stolen his heart.
~~~
Rocking slowly in the rocking chair on David’s front porch, Craig stared up at the stars and sighed. He knew he needed to get back to St. Albans. He’d been gone for months now, and even though everyone, including the king and Karl, knew it would be a long journey, they would be expecting him soon. David had never given the slightest hint that he’d overstayed his welcome, but Craig knew that he simply couldn’t stand being this close and being unable to touch the man he wanted more than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life…the man he loved with his entire being. It was getting harder and harder to hide his attraction and he knew it was only a matter of time before he slipped and let his feelings show…feelings that would probably not be returned, and may even offend this gentle man who had been so kind to him since the first night he’d passed out practically on his doorstep. The thoughts of leaving broke his heart, but he had to talk to Karl…had to convince him to release Craig of his bond, so he would be free to return and try and make David love him. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the back of the chair and tried to think of a way to make Karl see that this was the best for both of them. //I’ll always care for you, Karl, but I love David. God, I love him so much it hurts. Even if he never loves me back, it won’t change the way I feel.//
David stepped out of the house to find Craig leaning back in the rocker with his eyes closed. He took the opportunity to study his face, the face of the man he loved more than anything or anyone. He bit his bottom lip in an effort to hold back all of the words that threatened to tumble from his lips. Craig was a knight in the king’s service, he had a lover in St. Albans, and he had never shown more than just friendship and deep gratitude for saving his life toward David. He hadn't realized that Craig's eyes were open and fixed upon his own until it was too late. He knew that the look in his own eyes might have given away too much. "I uh...umm...dinner's ready," he said lamely and stepped back into the house feeling awkward. The past few weeks had felt more and more awkward between them, David supposed it was because he was holding so much of himself back.
Craig swallowed the lump in his throat as he realized David had been staring at him. //He’s getting tired of me. That must have been what that look in his eyes was…he’s trying to figure out a way to ask me to leave.// With a deep sigh, he stood up and crossed the porch to the front door. //It’s time for me to go. And I may not even be welcome back at all, especially for the reason I want to come back. The least I can do is make it easier on him….and not make him worry about finding the tactful way to ask.// Opening the door, he walked into the front room, hands in his pockets, and his eyes down on the floor. “Dinner smells good,” he said softly as he sat down at the table without looking up.
David smiled, "Thank you," he said setting the roast and vegetables on the table and seating himself across from Craig. He risked a quick glance at Craig as he served him. "You...seem tired," David said trying to reason why Craig had been sitting on the porch with his eyes closed like that. They had gotten up early to work in the garden that morning, but it wasn't any different than normal. //That isn't normal for him, David. He's not a farmer and not a gardener. He's a warrior who you have nothing to offer.// David frowned at his thoughts and then served himself as Craig poured their drinks.
Craig felt his chest tighten and looked up at David, forcing a smile on his face that he knew didn’t even begin to reach his eyes. “I…I am tired, actually,” he said. Feeling his throat constrict in a vain effort to keep the words inside, he looked down at his plate and worried his bottom lip. “David, I….I think it’s time I returned to St. Albans. I have….something very important to attend to there, and….” His voice trailed off, and he felt his teeth clench. “I…I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done and….I’m sure it’ll be nice to not have to worry about an extra mouth to feed or having to watch over someone who doesn’t have the first clue about farming.” //God, I can’t do this. I can’t leave him…but I don’t have a choice.//
David froze as if ice water had been dumped over him and simply stared at Craig for a moment. //You knew this time would come.// He felt his stomach clench and his chest tighten as he stared at the other man. "Oh," was all he managed to utter for a few moments. "I....I knew this day would come, I suppose....though I didn't want to dwell on it. Despite what you think, I have enjoyed your being here...your company, and...Your friendship. I...I'll miss you," David said, trying to force the tears that threatened to fall back. He stood abruptly and walked to the cupboard, pretending to search for the honey jar for his tea.
Fighting the urge to cross the room, wrap his arms around David and beg him to give him any sign that he cared, Craig simply looked down and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ve enjoyed it too, I just….I have to go,” he said softly. “I’ll miss you too, but… //I want more than your friendship, David. I want you to love me even half as much as I love you.// …maybe we’ll see each other again someday.” He knew that sounded lame, but couldn’t very well ask if David would let him return and show him what love really was.
"You have to go? Why...why so sudden, you never mentioned having to go back by a certain time?" David wondered aloud, "When do you plan to leave?" He still stood with his back to Craig, trying to keep the stinging tears from slipping down his face. He reached up into the cupboard to grab the honey jar, and surreptitiously swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.
Craig stood up and paced the room, unable to even look in David’s direction. “David, I…” he paused and took a deep breath, deciding that the only thing he could do was be honest. “I know it seems sudden, but….but I have to go and do something that I should have done a long time ago. Something I have to do because I have spent every day of the past six months on fire for you. I have clenched my hands behind my back hard enough to draw blood; all in an effort not to touch you...I cannot remain here one more hour when all I am allowed is to look at you. I’m sorry, David, and I know you must think I’ve lost my mind, but….it’s the truth. I just….I just can’t do this any longer. It’s killing me.”
David turned and stared at Craig as he paced across the room. “You…in an effort to not touch me? You…you *want* to touch me?” Seeing Craig start to move even further away, David quickly moved around the table stopping in front of Craig and blocking his path. Craig's words continued to echo in his mind that he want to touch him. That not being able to touch David was killing him. "Then why are you leaving now? If that is how you feel why now? Now that you've said something..."
Struggling not to wrap his arms around David, Craig felt his face flush and he looked around the room at everything but the man before him. “God, David, touching you is all I’ve wanted to do for months…it’s all I’ve thought about, all I *can* think about every minute of the day. But…I can’t, even if you would allow it. I…I made a promise that I cannot break. I have to be released from that promise before I lose my mind. *That’s* why I have to leave.”
David felt his heart skip a beat in his chest as Craig spoke. "You're planning on going to Karl and asking him to release you? Because....of me? Why would you do that? You want me...like you wanted him?" David asked nervously. He needed to know what Craig meant. Touching someone, wanting someone he knew well enough wasn't always about love. When Craig had spoke of his promise to Karl he had said he didn't love him...so did that mean that he...that he loved David? Or just simply wanted him? David needed to know for sure. Biting his bottom lip he looked into Craig's eyes searching for any sign that this incredible man loved him.
Craig blushed even harder and shook his head slowly. “No,” he whispered. “Not like I wanted Karl…I want you in a completely different way, David. I want….God, I don’t even know how to say it, I’ve kept it inside so long.” His hand ran nervously through his hair again and he tried to find the words to tell David that he wanted to make love to him, not have sex like he did with Karl. He wanted David to *fall* in love with him, wanted more than a physical relationship…he wanted everything with David, and he was prepared to offer the same. “Listen, I have no right to ask you this, no right at all, but…but I *have* to go back and talk to Karl, and, well, I….I would love if…well, if you wanted to, maybe you could….could go with me?”
David stared at Craig as he obviously struggled to say what he wanted. As he spoke David frowned and shook his head thinking that Craig meant him as a companion, to travel with him as a servant. "Go with you? In case you haven't noticed I'm a bit old to be a squire, and I don't fancy going to meet your Karl as your servant," David said the last more bitterly than he had intended. He didn’t realize just how jealous he was of Karl a man he’d never met until now. //He doesn't want me the way he wanted Karl but what does that mean exactly? Would I just be another friend that he wishes to have a physical relationship with?//
Craig’s eyes widened in shock and his mouth fell open. “My….my servant?” he stammered. “I…I don’t want you to be my servant. How could you even think that? I….I want….Oh, God, forgive me, David, I…” Finding himself at a loss for words, Craig took a step forward and wrapped one arm around David’s waist, pulling him close in less time than it took his heart to beat. His free hand slid through soft red hair, and he finally gave in and allowed himself to do what he’d wanted to do for so long now. Before either of them could protest, Craig’s lips pressed gently over David’s, and he held his breath, waiting for David to push him away.
David barely had time to think as Craig moved toward him and his arm wrapped around him pulling David close. As soft lips sealed over his own he felt himself stiffen in shock for only a brief moment before his lips parted in a soft sigh as his own arms wrapped around Craig and sunk into thick dark hair. Tentatively, his tongue slipped forward to trace along the contours of Craig's lips before he was caught up in a breath-stealing kiss that left his knees weak.
Craig’s eyes fell shut and his entire body shivered with desire as strong arms slid around him, and David returned the kiss. His lips parted and he welcomed David’s tongue into his mouth, lavishing it with attention, gently sucking and licking and allowing it to explore at will, even as his heart seemed ready to pound out of his chest and his own sigh was lost somewhere between them. After long, glorious moments, Craig pressed his tongue forward, sliding smoothly into the warmth of David’s mouth and reveling in the delicious flavor of the man he loved. Slowly, his tongue tasted and savored, sliding over slick teeth and dancing along David’s tongue, until he finally had to pull away and drag in a deep, ragged breath. “I want you to come with me because I love you, David,” he whispered, “and one day I want to see if I can’t convince you to love me back.”
David could hear his own heart pounding in his ears as Craig kissed him, his own tongue had been welcomed inside the warm heat of Craig's mouth and now his body was simply melting into Craig's as he kissed him deeply. If the other man hadn't been holding him so tightly when he pulled away for a breath and spoke softly, David was certain he would have collapsed to the floor. //He loves me?// After a moment it dawned on him that Craig had said he wanted to convince David to love him back. "You don't have to convince me of anything, because I already do. I have loved you from the moment I first looked into your eyes all those months ago. I lost part of my heart when your eyes flickered open to look into mine and every moment since that time I have lost a bit more of it. I love you, and have loved you ever since that first night," David admitted softly.
Carding his fingers though David’s hair, Craig studied the beloved face before him in disbelief. “You…you have?” he whispered. “I…I never knew…never had any idea. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying not to offend you, and…and you loved me already?” Shaking his head, he leaned forward and buried his face in David’s neck. “I can’t believe it….I….I’ve been planning for months to ask Karl to release me so I could come back here and try to make you love me.” Trailing dozens of kisses over David’s neck, Craig kept him pressed tightly against him, and felt happier than he’d ever felt in his life. “I love you,” he whispered between kisses. “I’ve loved you for so long, and I will love you as long as I draw breath.”
David smiled as Craig spoke and wound his arms tighter around him as he was held and kissed gently. "We've both been fools then. I do know that I am not worthy of you, Craig, and that is why I feared to tell you how I felt. Why I thought you wanted me for a servant...I love you with everything that I am but I fear that once Karl hears what you have fallen in love with, that he won't release you. I can't see why he would want to, and knowing that I'm nothing more than a peasant farmer might make it even more difficult. I...I would love to go with you, but I fear that it may not turn out the way that you wish it to," David said softly. He knew very little about Karl, but he knew how he had been treated by noble's all his life before meeting Craig. Certainly *he* had never treated him that way but there was no guarantee that Karl would see it the same way.
Pressing his index finger gently against David’s lips, Craig shook his head. “Never think you aren’t worthy of me,” he whispered. “Please…never let that cross your mind. I could not care less about our stations, and if you like, I will give up my title and live right here on this farm with you for the rest of my life.” Letting his finger slide away, he leaned forward and gently nibbled on David’s full bottom lip. “And Karl will let me go, because he will see that I have found the one thing I’ve looked for my entire life. With one look in my eyes, he will know that I’ve found love and happiness, and I know he cares too much about me to keep me from that. I just….I hope you understand. I want you, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, but I have to be released from my promise first. If you don’t wish to come with me, I will go alone, though it will kill me to leave you.”
The feeling of Craig nibbling on his lip sent a shudder through David's body and he smiled as Craig drew away. Watching the beautiful eyes before him David shook his head, "I understand, and I love you all the more for not breaking your promise to Karl. I would love to come with you...but I will need a little time to get someone to watch the farm for me. When would you like to leave?" he asked already thinking ahead to which neighbors he could ask to watch his farm. Hugo was the one person he trusted the most, and he hoped that he would do it.
Craig felt as if his feet were no longer on the ground, he was so happy. “Take all the time you need,” he smiled, lifting one hand to let his fingertips gently trail over David’s face. We can leave tomorrow or next week, or next month…as long as you’re really going with me, I don’t care…though the sooner we get there, the sooner I can show you just exactly how much I love you, in every way possible.”
David felt his body jolt with the realization of Craig's last words. "I will go talk to Hugo in the morning," he smiled shyly hoping that he didn't seem *too* eager. "If he accepts then we can leave day after tomorrow," David said running his fingers through Craig's hair. "I...I have never...but I have wanted that with you for so long. I want you to be the first and only to love me that way. Sleeping beside you has been both wonderful and torture, and the day I hurt my back," he shook his head at the memory. "I thought for sure you would discover me if you get my meaning...."
Craig’s eyes sparkled and he grinned. “God, that day….if you hadn’t been in so much pain, I was going to go outside and….find my own relief, if you get *my* meaning,” he said softly, leaning his head back into David’s touch. “So many times, I’ve had to do that…I would be aching for you, and scared to death that you’d hate me if you knew. And so many times…well, do you remember that night when I was sleeping in the front room, and you walked in while I was having a dream and you thought I was dreaming about Karl? “
"I too have had to do that more times than I care to admit," David grinned blushing hotly. As Craig asked him about the night that he had been worried about him and awoken Craig he nodded, "Yes, I remember," David said softly feeling his heart skip from the look on Craig's face. He didn't recall seeing him *this* happy before. He'd seen him smile and laugh in their time together, but he didn't recall ever seeing him this relaxed. Truly their secrets had been weighing on them.
Craig rested his hands on either side of David’s face and let the pads of his thumb move lightly over his cheekbones. “I was dreaming of you that night,” he whispered. “I’ve dreamed of you more nights than I can recall.” His eyes searched David’s and he saw everything he was feeling reflected back at him. He wasn’t sure how this was possible, and, in fact, began to worry that he was dreaming yet again. “If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up,” he sighed, resting his forehead against David’s and moving his hands back down to encircle David’s waist. “I want to stay just like this, believing that you love me, forever.”
David smiled as Craig said he'd been dreaming of him that night. Then he remembered the words that Craig had spoken and recalled that he thought they were for Karl. //He's loved me since then?// "You loved me even then? You....you hadn't been here that long," he whispered in awe. As Craig said that he was worried that this too was a dream David sighed softly. "Oh love you aren't dreaming because if this is a dream I am having the same one."
Leaning in to nibble at David’s neck, Craig smiled and closed his eyes. “How about we eat, leave the dishes for tomorrow, and go to bed early?” he asked between gentle nips and kisses to warm skin. “I…well, I still can’t show you how much I love you, but this time I won’t have to hide it.” His hands rested on the small of David’s back and he wondered how he ever thought he could possibly let this man in his arms go for even a day, let alone the weeks it would take him to return to St. Albans.
David smiled and leaned into Craig's arms even more as he kissed his neck. His skin tingled every place that Craig's body touched his own and he nodded. "Sounds good to me," he whispered. "I don't know what's going to be more difficult, the way it was before when we were hiding, or keeping your promise," he grinned. Stepping back slowly, he led Craig back to the table and instead of sitting opposite each other as they had all these months they sat side by side so they could touch and kiss, now that they could.
“I know,” Craig sighed as he sat down next to David. “In just a couple of weeks, maybe I’ll be free to love you as you deserve.” Entwining their fingers, he squeezed David’s hand gently and smiled. Over the next half hour, the two men shared the food on their plates and soft, eager kisses that made both their hearts pound in their chests. While the trip to St. Albans would seem endless, at least they’d be making it together, Craig mused, and would be able to share kisses and long-awaited touches, which was more than they’d ever indulged in during all their months together so far.
~~~
TBC
Authors:
sairalinde & anorienbeanRating: NC-17
Pairing: David Wenham/Craig Parker
Disclaimer: No money was made from this fic, and we do not mean to imply anything about the sexual preferences of anyone mentioned within.
Summary: A knight in the King's service, attacked by thieves and lost in the forest in the dead of winter, finds himself on the doorstep of a kind farmer who takes him in and cares for him. Falling in love with his savior, the knight is bound by an oath taken years ago against his better judgment.
David had lost track of time since he had come to the barn to check on one of the sheep that had birthed early that morning. He had found the ewe down. He had moved them both into the back of the barn in a large stall. The ewe seemed to be struggling to breathe and he worried that it might not make it through the night. If it didn't, he would need to feed the lamb goat’s milk or try and get one of the other sheep to 'adopt' the lamb before it starved.
He leaned back against the wall and listened to the animal's labored breathing and rubbed her muzzle as he held her lamb in his lap to give it warmth. He knew it might be getting late but he wasn't sure if he should risk going back to the house tonight. If he lost one of them that was one thing, but losing both would be more difficult. The animals were his livelihood but he also cared about them, probably more than he should.
He closed his eyes for a moment and wondered what it would be like to live like Craig had. Was it really all that different from David's life? Craig was a knight but he had responsibilities he had told him, watching over other knights and soldiers under his command at times. "Not so very different in some ways, except sheep don't go to war…they only get sick, don't they girl?" he asked the sick animal who simply looked up at him from large brown eyes filled with pain.
Craig walked toward the barn carefully balancing two steaming mugs of tea, a bowl of water for David to wash his hands with, towels, and a plate full of bread, cold meat, and cheeses on a small tray. He’d spent the day running back and forth between trying to help David with the lamb, of which he admitted he knew very little about, and doing some of the small chores he’d taken to doing around the farm every day. As he walked into the barn door, he stopped for a moment, his breath catching in his throat, as he stared at David, sitting on the ground, gently cradling the newborn lamb in his lap and talking softly to the ewe that looked even weaker than she did the last time he’d seen her, less than an hour ago. Every day, he fell deeper in love with the red-haired farmer who’d taken him in so many months ago, yet he was not yet free to tell him, or, especially, to show him that love. Not yet anyway.
“Hey,” he said softly, crossing over to the stall where David was gently stroking the ewe’s muzzle. “How is she?”
David looked up as Craig spoke and smiled tiredly, "Hey," he said looking back down, "I honestly don't know if she'll make it through the night," he said sadly. "I hate this part of being a farmer," he admitted accepting a mug of tea from Craig. He smiled as he saw everything on the small tray, "Thank you for bringing me dinner...and...for everything today." Craig honestly had no idea how much help he had been the last several months, helping David with the farm, though at times it was quite obvious Craig was never a farmer. David knew he was a nobleman and that the work he had done on the farm was well beneath his station. For that, David was even more grateful, not many would do that but then he had always known Craig was different from the very moment he'd first gazed into beautiful blue eyes.
“No need to thank me,” Craig smiled, settling down on the ground beside David and putting the tray in front of them. //Besides…just being able to be here with you is all the thanks I need…though I’m sure you’re more than getting tired of me by now.// “I wish I could be more help, but I’m kind of at a loss right now.” He looked over and saw how exhausted David looked, seeing the worry in his eyes and the tired slump of his shoulders. “Are you all right? I mean, I know you’re worried, but…is there anything I can get you, or….or…do?”
David smiled and shook his head, "I'm fine. Just...tired, and worried. I hate just sitting here waiting for an animal to live or die," he said softly. "I could use the company though, this little guy isn't terribly talkative," he grinned running his fingers gently over the back of the sleeping lamb. "Maybe you can just stay for a while, keep me a bit of company?" David asked hoping that Craig would stay.
Craig laughed and reached behind him for one of the blankets stacked on the shelf against the back wall. Gently wrapping it around David’s shoulders, he draped one end around to cover the lamb in his lap. “Just what I was hoping you’d say,” he said softly. “But you have to promise to eat something. You won’t be any help to either of them if you make yourself sick with worry or forget to eat. I brought you some water for you to wash up, and plenty of food.”
David smiled feeling cared for beyond anything he'd ever hoped and had to push the feeling away. //He's just being helpful and friendly. He doesn't care for you as anything more than a friend.// "I know...I am hungry, I just didn't want to leave...just in case. I don't know what I would have done without you...well...I'd have gone hungry is what I'd have done," David grinned as he washed his hands and dried them on a towel that Craig had brought. He took a bit of bread and some cheese and took a drink from his mug of tea as he leaned back against the wall, he sighed. "I know life here hasn't been terribly exciting...but I appreciate your staying to help. Lambing season, as you've seen, can be quite tough," he said softly. In the back of his mind he wondered when he would hear the words that Craig needed to return to St. Albans.
“Actually,” Craig said, leaning back against the wall and smiling at David as he took a sip of his own tea, “it has been exciting. I’ve learned a lot, and //fallen in love// …made a very good friend.” Catching his bottom lip between his teeth, he forced the words he wanted to say to stay locked away. “It is quite different from life in St. Albans, though,” he continued. “Have you ever been there?”
"Once when I was a child, probably not more than five. It was before my mother died, we went to visit my father's sister. All I remember is a vague recollection of it being very crowded, and I remember the castle. Of course I was so small everything looked absolutely huge," he smiled. "Maybe one day I'll see it again as an adult," he added as he took another bite of his bread. //No. You won't. You'll stay here on this farm until you grow old and die.// David looked down at the food in his hand and closed his eyes for a moment. Until Craig came into his life he hadn't really thought about more, about a different life than the one he'd been given. Now, he often found himself wondering what it would be like to be free of the responsibilities of the farm. Though he had little other skill, even if he did leave the farm one day what would he do? Granted, few of his ilk could read and write...but what could he do with that?
Craig closed his own eyes and pictured the city of his birth. His mind wandered, and he could almost feel what it would be like to come home to David at the end of every day, to be able to hold him every night without the hindrance of nightshirts, to be able to kiss him and make love to him whenever they felt like it, to share a house of their own. He felt guilty, knowing that he *should* be thinking of Karl, but he’d never wanted that with him. At this point in his life, he wanted to share a mug of ale and a few stories with his friend, and nothing more. Whether Karl set him free of his promise or not, Craig knew in his heart that things would never be the same between them…not after he’d fallen so hard for David. “I think you’d like living there,” he said softly. Realizing what he’d said, he shook his head and leaned over, pretending to examine the ewe, though he hadn’t the first clue what he was supposed to be checking for. “I mean….I mean I think you’d like to visit. I could...show you around or…something.” Biting his tongue hard, he felt his face flush. //And *why* exactly would he want to live there? You’ve given him nothing…and he probably won’t love you back, even if you were to tell him how you feel.//
David's eyes blinked open as Craig spoke. //Live there? He did say that right?// He shook his head though as Craig leaned over examining the ewe and smiled. "I would love to visit you," he said softly. //If only I could stay...with you. That is what I want. I never wish to be parted from your side, but I know one day soon you will tell me that you need to return. It will break my heart, but I'll have no choice but to watch you leave.// Trying to push away the unsettling thoughts, David finished his food and took a long drink of his tea. "It's getting late, you'll want to be going back to the house soon I imagine."
Craig gave the ewe a final gentle pat to the nose and looked over at David. “*I’ll* be wanting to get back to the house?” he asked, not really surprised. “You mean, you’re not coming? You…you’re going to stay out here, and keep an eye on these two, aren’t you?”
David nodded, "Yes, it's not that uncommon, Craig. I've slept in the barn quite often with a sick animal. Besides, if I went back to the house I'd never actually get any rest, so it's simpler to just stay here. I know it's not likely to help her...but...I know that I wouldn't want to die alone," he said softly. //Though that's exactly what will happen to *you* isn't it? You'll die alone on this farm with no one to miss you except a few neighbors.//
Reaching behind him, Craig grabbed the remaining blanket from the shelf against the wall. Folding it up and laying it against the wall as a makeshift pillow, he gently tugged the one he’d put on David’s shoulders away and spread it out. He lay down on the soft hay and smiled up at his friend. He had no desire at all to go back to the house without David, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink if he were to lay in the bed alone. It would be as bad as those nights when they’d slept apart, before David asked him to come back and share the bed with him again. Craig had gotten little to no sleep, and he wasn’t anxious to repeat those long sleepless nights, even if it meant sleeping on the hay in a barn. “So we’ll both stay,” he said softly, resting back against the wall and hoping David would move into his arms like he usually did in bed. He knew David only liked the feel of having someone next to him at night, but to Craig, each night was pure bliss, and he knew he’d miss the feel of holding David close when he returned to St. Albans.
David watched as Craig spread the blanket out and lay down. //He's staying?// He smiled and scooted closer, carefully so he wouldn't wake the little lamb in his lap. He leaned his head against Craig's shoulder and closed his eyes for a long moment. "You certainly didn't have to do this...but I'm glad you are," he whispered.
“I *want* to,” Craig said softly as he wrapped his arms around David as he had every night for weeks. There was no guilt in *this*, he knew. They’d never even kissed, never been intimate by any stretch of the imagination. He was bound by his oath, at least physically, but he’d never promised Karl that he wouldn’t fall in love with someone else. On the nights when David’s touch, or his smile, or his laughter, or simply the look in his eyes almost drove Craig out of his mind, he’d made an excuse to go outside alone, and found his relief there…always thinking of David, dreaming of feeling his touch, his mouth, his hands, his body. This…holding David at night…was innocent and pure, and something Craig wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. “Get some rest,” he whispered. “I’ll watch over them for a while and wake you if anything changes.”
David sighed softly and snuggled against Craig's side a bit. "All right," he whispered, though it was nearly cut off by a yawn. Laughing softly he shook his head. "More tired than I thought...wake me if she tries to get up...or...or anything else," he said hoping that she would try and get up sometime in the night. David's eyes grew heavy as he mumbled goodnight, and without realizing it his hand slid down and his fingers twined with Craig's. Sleep overtook him almost immediately.
Craig smiled as David’s fingers wound around his own, and gave them a gentle squeeze. He stared down at the peaceful face of the man he loved and took a deep, slow breath, trying to calm his heart, as he had to do every night when they first snuggled against each other. The familiar mantra ran through his mind…//Calm down. Breathe. Concentrate. Close your eyes and just breathe…// Pulling David closer, he kept their hands entwined and pressed his lips to the forehead of the man in his arms…sweet, innocent kisses that he only indulged in when he was sure David was asleep. With a content sigh, he settled in for the night, keeping watch over the lamb, the ewe, and most of all, the man who had so effortlessly stolen his heart.
~~~
Rocking slowly in the rocking chair on David’s front porch, Craig stared up at the stars and sighed. He knew he needed to get back to St. Albans. He’d been gone for months now, and even though everyone, including the king and Karl, knew it would be a long journey, they would be expecting him soon. David had never given the slightest hint that he’d overstayed his welcome, but Craig knew that he simply couldn’t stand being this close and being unable to touch the man he wanted more than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life…the man he loved with his entire being. It was getting harder and harder to hide his attraction and he knew it was only a matter of time before he slipped and let his feelings show…feelings that would probably not be returned, and may even offend this gentle man who had been so kind to him since the first night he’d passed out practically on his doorstep. The thoughts of leaving broke his heart, but he had to talk to Karl…had to convince him to release Craig of his bond, so he would be free to return and try and make David love him. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the back of the chair and tried to think of a way to make Karl see that this was the best for both of them. //I’ll always care for you, Karl, but I love David. God, I love him so much it hurts. Even if he never loves me back, it won’t change the way I feel.//
David stepped out of the house to find Craig leaning back in the rocker with his eyes closed. He took the opportunity to study his face, the face of the man he loved more than anything or anyone. He bit his bottom lip in an effort to hold back all of the words that threatened to tumble from his lips. Craig was a knight in the king’s service, he had a lover in St. Albans, and he had never shown more than just friendship and deep gratitude for saving his life toward David. He hadn't realized that Craig's eyes were open and fixed upon his own until it was too late. He knew that the look in his own eyes might have given away too much. "I uh...umm...dinner's ready," he said lamely and stepped back into the house feeling awkward. The past few weeks had felt more and more awkward between them, David supposed it was because he was holding so much of himself back.
Craig swallowed the lump in his throat as he realized David had been staring at him. //He’s getting tired of me. That must have been what that look in his eyes was…he’s trying to figure out a way to ask me to leave.// With a deep sigh, he stood up and crossed the porch to the front door. //It’s time for me to go. And I may not even be welcome back at all, especially for the reason I want to come back. The least I can do is make it easier on him….and not make him worry about finding the tactful way to ask.// Opening the door, he walked into the front room, hands in his pockets, and his eyes down on the floor. “Dinner smells good,” he said softly as he sat down at the table without looking up.
David smiled, "Thank you," he said setting the roast and vegetables on the table and seating himself across from Craig. He risked a quick glance at Craig as he served him. "You...seem tired," David said trying to reason why Craig had been sitting on the porch with his eyes closed like that. They had gotten up early to work in the garden that morning, but it wasn't any different than normal. //That isn't normal for him, David. He's not a farmer and not a gardener. He's a warrior who you have nothing to offer.// David frowned at his thoughts and then served himself as Craig poured their drinks.
Craig felt his chest tighten and looked up at David, forcing a smile on his face that he knew didn’t even begin to reach his eyes. “I…I am tired, actually,” he said. Feeling his throat constrict in a vain effort to keep the words inside, he looked down at his plate and worried his bottom lip. “David, I….I think it’s time I returned to St. Albans. I have….something very important to attend to there, and….” His voice trailed off, and he felt his teeth clench. “I…I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done and….I’m sure it’ll be nice to not have to worry about an extra mouth to feed or having to watch over someone who doesn’t have the first clue about farming.” //God, I can’t do this. I can’t leave him…but I don’t have a choice.//
David froze as if ice water had been dumped over him and simply stared at Craig for a moment. //You knew this time would come.// He felt his stomach clench and his chest tighten as he stared at the other man. "Oh," was all he managed to utter for a few moments. "I....I knew this day would come, I suppose....though I didn't want to dwell on it. Despite what you think, I have enjoyed your being here...your company, and...Your friendship. I...I'll miss you," David said, trying to force the tears that threatened to fall back. He stood abruptly and walked to the cupboard, pretending to search for the honey jar for his tea.
Fighting the urge to cross the room, wrap his arms around David and beg him to give him any sign that he cared, Craig simply looked down and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ve enjoyed it too, I just….I have to go,” he said softly. “I’ll miss you too, but… //I want more than your friendship, David. I want you to love me even half as much as I love you.// …maybe we’ll see each other again someday.” He knew that sounded lame, but couldn’t very well ask if David would let him return and show him what love really was.
"You have to go? Why...why so sudden, you never mentioned having to go back by a certain time?" David wondered aloud, "When do you plan to leave?" He still stood with his back to Craig, trying to keep the stinging tears from slipping down his face. He reached up into the cupboard to grab the honey jar, and surreptitiously swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.
Craig stood up and paced the room, unable to even look in David’s direction. “David, I…” he paused and took a deep breath, deciding that the only thing he could do was be honest. “I know it seems sudden, but….but I have to go and do something that I should have done a long time ago. Something I have to do because I have spent every day of the past six months on fire for you. I have clenched my hands behind my back hard enough to draw blood; all in an effort not to touch you...I cannot remain here one more hour when all I am allowed is to look at you. I’m sorry, David, and I know you must think I’ve lost my mind, but….it’s the truth. I just….I just can’t do this any longer. It’s killing me.”
David turned and stared at Craig as he paced across the room. “You…in an effort to not touch me? You…you *want* to touch me?” Seeing Craig start to move even further away, David quickly moved around the table stopping in front of Craig and blocking his path. Craig's words continued to echo in his mind that he want to touch him. That not being able to touch David was killing him. "Then why are you leaving now? If that is how you feel why now? Now that you've said something..."
Struggling not to wrap his arms around David, Craig felt his face flush and he looked around the room at everything but the man before him. “God, David, touching you is all I’ve wanted to do for months…it’s all I’ve thought about, all I *can* think about every minute of the day. But…I can’t, even if you would allow it. I…I made a promise that I cannot break. I have to be released from that promise before I lose my mind. *That’s* why I have to leave.”
David felt his heart skip a beat in his chest as Craig spoke. "You're planning on going to Karl and asking him to release you? Because....of me? Why would you do that? You want me...like you wanted him?" David asked nervously. He needed to know what Craig meant. Touching someone, wanting someone he knew well enough wasn't always about love. When Craig had spoke of his promise to Karl he had said he didn't love him...so did that mean that he...that he loved David? Or just simply wanted him? David needed to know for sure. Biting his bottom lip he looked into Craig's eyes searching for any sign that this incredible man loved him.
Craig blushed even harder and shook his head slowly. “No,” he whispered. “Not like I wanted Karl…I want you in a completely different way, David. I want….God, I don’t even know how to say it, I’ve kept it inside so long.” His hand ran nervously through his hair again and he tried to find the words to tell David that he wanted to make love to him, not have sex like he did with Karl. He wanted David to *fall* in love with him, wanted more than a physical relationship…he wanted everything with David, and he was prepared to offer the same. “Listen, I have no right to ask you this, no right at all, but…but I *have* to go back and talk to Karl, and, well, I….I would love if…well, if you wanted to, maybe you could….could go with me?”
David stared at Craig as he obviously struggled to say what he wanted. As he spoke David frowned and shook his head thinking that Craig meant him as a companion, to travel with him as a servant. "Go with you? In case you haven't noticed I'm a bit old to be a squire, and I don't fancy going to meet your Karl as your servant," David said the last more bitterly than he had intended. He didn’t realize just how jealous he was of Karl a man he’d never met until now. //He doesn't want me the way he wanted Karl but what does that mean exactly? Would I just be another friend that he wishes to have a physical relationship with?//
Craig’s eyes widened in shock and his mouth fell open. “My….my servant?” he stammered. “I…I don’t want you to be my servant. How could you even think that? I….I want….Oh, God, forgive me, David, I…” Finding himself at a loss for words, Craig took a step forward and wrapped one arm around David’s waist, pulling him close in less time than it took his heart to beat. His free hand slid through soft red hair, and he finally gave in and allowed himself to do what he’d wanted to do for so long now. Before either of them could protest, Craig’s lips pressed gently over David’s, and he held his breath, waiting for David to push him away.
David barely had time to think as Craig moved toward him and his arm wrapped around him pulling David close. As soft lips sealed over his own he felt himself stiffen in shock for only a brief moment before his lips parted in a soft sigh as his own arms wrapped around Craig and sunk into thick dark hair. Tentatively, his tongue slipped forward to trace along the contours of Craig's lips before he was caught up in a breath-stealing kiss that left his knees weak.
Craig’s eyes fell shut and his entire body shivered with desire as strong arms slid around him, and David returned the kiss. His lips parted and he welcomed David’s tongue into his mouth, lavishing it with attention, gently sucking and licking and allowing it to explore at will, even as his heart seemed ready to pound out of his chest and his own sigh was lost somewhere between them. After long, glorious moments, Craig pressed his tongue forward, sliding smoothly into the warmth of David’s mouth and reveling in the delicious flavor of the man he loved. Slowly, his tongue tasted and savored, sliding over slick teeth and dancing along David’s tongue, until he finally had to pull away and drag in a deep, ragged breath. “I want you to come with me because I love you, David,” he whispered, “and one day I want to see if I can’t convince you to love me back.”
David could hear his own heart pounding in his ears as Craig kissed him, his own tongue had been welcomed inside the warm heat of Craig's mouth and now his body was simply melting into Craig's as he kissed him deeply. If the other man hadn't been holding him so tightly when he pulled away for a breath and spoke softly, David was certain he would have collapsed to the floor. //He loves me?// After a moment it dawned on him that Craig had said he wanted to convince David to love him back. "You don't have to convince me of anything, because I already do. I have loved you from the moment I first looked into your eyes all those months ago. I lost part of my heart when your eyes flickered open to look into mine and every moment since that time I have lost a bit more of it. I love you, and have loved you ever since that first night," David admitted softly.
Carding his fingers though David’s hair, Craig studied the beloved face before him in disbelief. “You…you have?” he whispered. “I…I never knew…never had any idea. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying not to offend you, and…and you loved me already?” Shaking his head, he leaned forward and buried his face in David’s neck. “I can’t believe it….I….I’ve been planning for months to ask Karl to release me so I could come back here and try to make you love me.” Trailing dozens of kisses over David’s neck, Craig kept him pressed tightly against him, and felt happier than he’d ever felt in his life. “I love you,” he whispered between kisses. “I’ve loved you for so long, and I will love you as long as I draw breath.”
David smiled as Craig spoke and wound his arms tighter around him as he was held and kissed gently. "We've both been fools then. I do know that I am not worthy of you, Craig, and that is why I feared to tell you how I felt. Why I thought you wanted me for a servant...I love you with everything that I am but I fear that once Karl hears what you have fallen in love with, that he won't release you. I can't see why he would want to, and knowing that I'm nothing more than a peasant farmer might make it even more difficult. I...I would love to go with you, but I fear that it may not turn out the way that you wish it to," David said softly. He knew very little about Karl, but he knew how he had been treated by noble's all his life before meeting Craig. Certainly *he* had never treated him that way but there was no guarantee that Karl would see it the same way.
Pressing his index finger gently against David’s lips, Craig shook his head. “Never think you aren’t worthy of me,” he whispered. “Please…never let that cross your mind. I could not care less about our stations, and if you like, I will give up my title and live right here on this farm with you for the rest of my life.” Letting his finger slide away, he leaned forward and gently nibbled on David’s full bottom lip. “And Karl will let me go, because he will see that I have found the one thing I’ve looked for my entire life. With one look in my eyes, he will know that I’ve found love and happiness, and I know he cares too much about me to keep me from that. I just….I hope you understand. I want you, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, but I have to be released from my promise first. If you don’t wish to come with me, I will go alone, though it will kill me to leave you.”
The feeling of Craig nibbling on his lip sent a shudder through David's body and he smiled as Craig drew away. Watching the beautiful eyes before him David shook his head, "I understand, and I love you all the more for not breaking your promise to Karl. I would love to come with you...but I will need a little time to get someone to watch the farm for me. When would you like to leave?" he asked already thinking ahead to which neighbors he could ask to watch his farm. Hugo was the one person he trusted the most, and he hoped that he would do it.
Craig felt as if his feet were no longer on the ground, he was so happy. “Take all the time you need,” he smiled, lifting one hand to let his fingertips gently trail over David’s face. We can leave tomorrow or next week, or next month…as long as you’re really going with me, I don’t care…though the sooner we get there, the sooner I can show you just exactly how much I love you, in every way possible.”
David felt his body jolt with the realization of Craig's last words. "I will go talk to Hugo in the morning," he smiled shyly hoping that he didn't seem *too* eager. "If he accepts then we can leave day after tomorrow," David said running his fingers through Craig's hair. "I...I have never...but I have wanted that with you for so long. I want you to be the first and only to love me that way. Sleeping beside you has been both wonderful and torture, and the day I hurt my back," he shook his head at the memory. "I thought for sure you would discover me if you get my meaning...."
Craig’s eyes sparkled and he grinned. “God, that day….if you hadn’t been in so much pain, I was going to go outside and….find my own relief, if you get *my* meaning,” he said softly, leaning his head back into David’s touch. “So many times, I’ve had to do that…I would be aching for you, and scared to death that you’d hate me if you knew. And so many times…well, do you remember that night when I was sleeping in the front room, and you walked in while I was having a dream and you thought I was dreaming about Karl? “
"I too have had to do that more times than I care to admit," David grinned blushing hotly. As Craig asked him about the night that he had been worried about him and awoken Craig he nodded, "Yes, I remember," David said softly feeling his heart skip from the look on Craig's face. He didn't recall seeing him *this* happy before. He'd seen him smile and laugh in their time together, but he didn't recall ever seeing him this relaxed. Truly their secrets had been weighing on them.
Craig rested his hands on either side of David’s face and let the pads of his thumb move lightly over his cheekbones. “I was dreaming of you that night,” he whispered. “I’ve dreamed of you more nights than I can recall.” His eyes searched David’s and he saw everything he was feeling reflected back at him. He wasn’t sure how this was possible, and, in fact, began to worry that he was dreaming yet again. “If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up,” he sighed, resting his forehead against David’s and moving his hands back down to encircle David’s waist. “I want to stay just like this, believing that you love me, forever.”
David smiled as Craig said he'd been dreaming of him that night. Then he remembered the words that Craig had spoken and recalled that he thought they were for Karl. //He's loved me since then?// "You loved me even then? You....you hadn't been here that long," he whispered in awe. As Craig said that he was worried that this too was a dream David sighed softly. "Oh love you aren't dreaming because if this is a dream I am having the same one."
Leaning in to nibble at David’s neck, Craig smiled and closed his eyes. “How about we eat, leave the dishes for tomorrow, and go to bed early?” he asked between gentle nips and kisses to warm skin. “I…well, I still can’t show you how much I love you, but this time I won’t have to hide it.” His hands rested on the small of David’s back and he wondered how he ever thought he could possibly let this man in his arms go for even a day, let alone the weeks it would take him to return to St. Albans.
David smiled and leaned into Craig's arms even more as he kissed his neck. His skin tingled every place that Craig's body touched his own and he nodded. "Sounds good to me," he whispered. "I don't know what's going to be more difficult, the way it was before when we were hiding, or keeping your promise," he grinned. Stepping back slowly, he led Craig back to the table and instead of sitting opposite each other as they had all these months they sat side by side so they could touch and kiss, now that they could.
“I know,” Craig sighed as he sat down next to David. “In just a couple of weeks, maybe I’ll be free to love you as you deserve.” Entwining their fingers, he squeezed David’s hand gently and smiled. Over the next half hour, the two men shared the food on their plates and soft, eager kisses that made both their hearts pound in their chests. While the trip to St. Albans would seem endless, at least they’d be making it together, Craig mused, and would be able to share kisses and long-awaited touches, which was more than they’d ever indulged in during all their months together so far.
~~~
TBC