fellowshippers | (no subject)

Title: Nonremembrance
Pairing: V/S
Genre: ...closest to angst, perhaps?
Rating: PG
Length: around 300 words
Summary: An almost confession by Viggo

There was a when that meant he'd loved. There are no specific memories he cares to remember, no visions of a future for them, no haunting presence or unnerving empty places to keep that name sacred, to make it unforgettable. There are no keepsakes or reminders too cherished or too feared to remain unseparated. There's no regret left, no hidden desire for more or for something to have happened differently. No reason to dwell on him.

Desensitization is both a merciful and a lethal force, but even it has limits. Eyes can lose their radiance, bodies revert to the proximity of friend or acquaintance, associations be ceased or rewired. But some connections never completely obey. His emotion for Sean had long since lost its power of loneliness. Its capacity for intrusive textures, its mixture of stinging waves and heartbreaking silks, and even its erotic leathers have coalesed, fading into some poorly defined area of Viggo's being.

It can't be nostalgia because he doesn't miss him, not really, and it's not quite memory because the actual occurences aren't what's important, lying barely distinguishable within the swell. It isn't much of anything most of the time. That's why Viggo seldom remembers it's there, why when he does his vague surprise proves more than enough to gloss over any remote currents that might still be pulling. But somehow he knows that something strong, if not powerful, still ebbs and flows in that nebulous darkness. And sometimes he lets himself drift.

If asked whether he was still romantically attached to Sean, Viggo would answer 'no.' If faced with the question of reviving their relationship, or at any rate their physical passion, at a later date, the reply would be the same.

But if Viggo had to give a name to the gentle sway of this nonremembrance, this nonresignation, then Viggo would call it 'love.'

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What a pity that Viggo don't want to follow this "gentle sway".
Nevertheless it's beautiful writing non-fulfillment state of filling.

non-fulfillment state of filling

I think that's a much better description of what I was going for than my 'semi-angst' attempt. Thank you so much for commenting, it's good to know that it got across what I wanted it to.

His emotion for Sean had long since lost its power of loneliness. Its capacity for intrusive textures, its mixture of stinging waves and heartbreaking silks, and even its erotic leathers have coalesed, fading into some poorly defined area of Viggo's being.

I've just read this bit three times and it every time I love it more.

You just put a big smile on my face, not because of the subject matter, but because of the atmosphere and your writing and the beautiful slice of Viggo's mind. :) Thank you.

I will no doubt regret using such a cliche, but I think that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. Thank you.

And I'm glad it made you smile. That line's my favorite, too.

I was just adding this to my bookmarks and noticed that there is a word (?) missing in the first sentence: There was *a* when that meant he'd loved.

I hope you don't mind my pointing it out :).

I don't mind at all. However, that is the way I meant for it to be written. I'm using 'when' as a noun here, which I realize is questionable, but substituting the more conventional 'time' seemed to deprive that line of the sense of evolution that I was going for. Also, 'time' seemed to distance Viggo from the incident.

So again, thank you for drawing my attention to it, and giving me the opportunity to improve something. I just thought I'd explain why I haven't altered it here, in case you were wondering.:)

Ah, my first instinct was to trust you as a writer, but then my obsessive side took over :). Thanks for the explanation.

wow. sad but beautiful!

mm this is Viggo the way I like him best: Timeless, and honest to the core.
Beautiful