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fellowshippers2003-08-13 04:31 pm
duckie7582.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2003-08-13 04:31 pm
Fade To Black, OB/BB
Title: Fade To Black
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
duckie7582
Pairing: Billy/Orlando
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not true.
Notes: Written for the Iconography Challenge. Also inspired by the song "The Scientist" by Coldplay.
Orlando sat in the window seat that was located in the living room of the house he shared with Billy. Even after two years, he still hadn’t stopped thinking of it as Billy’s house. He thought of himself as a guest. Comfortable, but never quite at home. That could be said about a lot of things.
He pressed his face against the cool glass and closed his eyes. “Something’s got to give,” he mumbled to himself, shivering a little. He thought about going to get a blanket, but quickly dismissed it, not wanting to move.
As if reading his mind, Billy wrapped a blanket around Orlando’s shoulders. “You’ll catch your death if you keep sitting in that drafty thing,” he said quietly.
Orlando ignored him, but pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He opened his eyes and watched the rain drizzle down the window. “D’you ever think that sometimes the weather reflects the way you’re feeling, Bill?”
Billy sat down at the opposite end of the window seat and looked out at the dark gray sky then at Orlando. “I’m afraid I never gave it much thought really.” He furrowed his and pursed his lips, studying the man in front of him. “Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
Orlando finally tore his eyes away from the window and looked at Billy. He looked so tired and sad, and his usual bright eyes were dull with dark circles under them. Billy was caught completely off guard, wondering how long he had been like this and how he could have missed it before. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know,” Orlando said, shaking his head.
Billy leaned back against the wall, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “I think I know what’s bothering you.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “You don’t love me anymore.”
Orlando’s head jerked up and his eyes went wide. “I do!”
Billy smiled somewhat sadly. “Not like you used to. You’re not in love with me anymore.”
Orlando remained silent and he lowed his eyes from Billy’s face, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.
“It’s okay,” Billy said. “I’ve known it for a while now. When I first realized it, I didn’t want it to be true. I thought that maybe if I loved you enough, you’d start loving me back again. But that’s not how it works.”
“I’m sorry,” Orlando whispered. “So sorry.”
“So am I. I want you to know that I’m not mad. I don’t blame you. This isn’t anyone’s fault, really. It’s hurtful, yes, but that’s pretty much unavoidable when a relationship of two years ends.”
“So that’s it? We’re breaking up?” Orlando had dreaded having this conversation, but now that it was happening, it felt oddly freeing. He felt the tightness in his chest slowly start to loosen.
“Well, what else can we do?” Billy asked. “I’m not what you need and you can’t give me what I want. We tried our best, but it’s just not meant to be. We’ve been so scared of that fade to black that we’ve stayed in this relationship even though it’s not what we want. It’s time to move on. Change isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes it can be very good. I think we‘re much better as friends anyway, wouldn‘t you agree?”
Orlando smiled a little. “Yeah. I think that’s true.”
Billy shivered and rubbed his arms. “C’mon,” he said, standing up. He grabbed Orlando’s hand and pulled him up, then led him to the couch. Billy sat down in the corner of the couch and pulled Orlando down to sit in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around Orlando’s waist. “I want to hold you while I still have the chance to,” he said quietly.
Orlando leaned back and rested his head against Billy’s shoulder. He buried his face in Billy’s neck and breathed in his familiar scent, realizing for the first time just how much he would miss it. There were a thousand little things that Orlando took for granted that he would miss. “What if this isn’t the right decision?”
“It is,” Billy replied. “And I’m not saying that because I want to get rid of you. If I had my way, you’d be mine forever. I’m doing this for you. That whole ‘if you love someone let them go’ shite. You’re just scared now, but I think you know deep down that this is for the best.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. You’re doing something I didn’t have the courage to do. I feel like I should thank you, but that doesn’t really seem like the thing to do in this situation.”
Billy chuckled lightly. “Don’t ask me. I’m not skilled in the ways of break up etiquette.”
Orlando was silent for a moment before saying, “I really do love you, Billy.”
“I know, Orli.” He kissed the side of Orlando’s head. “I know. I love you, too.”
“Are things going to be okay with us?”
“’Course they will. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Billy poked Orlando gently in the side, causing him to laugh.
“I guess I’ll have to start looking for a new place to live.”
“You don’t have to,” Billy said. “You can stay here for as long as you want. Forever, even. I mean, there’s a guest room. We could fix it up and you could move in there.”
Orlando’s heart broke at the hopefulness in Billy’s voice. “We’ll see, Billy. You’re really too good to me.”
“Not really. I’m just selfish. I don’t want you to leave me completely. Even if we’re not together, I still want you around…God, Orli. How am I supposed to sleep without you?” Billy’s voice shook as he asked the question.
“I don’t know, Billy,” Orlando said, his voice hoarse.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Billy said, shaking his head. His voice was thick when he continued. “I thought I could. I thought I could be strong and let you go, but I can’t. I’m not strong. Not strong at all.”
“Billy, Billy,” Orlando whispered, turning around. He cupped Billy’s face gently in his hands. “You are the strongest man I know. Everything is gonna be okay. Like you said, it’s for the best. You’ll find someone else. Someone better than me. Someone who can love you like you deserved to be loved. It’ll be okay. Better than okay. You’ll see.” He kissed Billy softly. “You’ll see.”
Author:
duckie7582Pairing: Billy/Orlando
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not true.
Notes: Written for the Iconography Challenge. Also inspired by the song "The Scientist" by Coldplay.
Orlando sat in the window seat that was located in the living room of the house he shared with Billy. Even after two years, he still hadn’t stopped thinking of it as Billy’s house. He thought of himself as a guest. Comfortable, but never quite at home. That could be said about a lot of things.
He pressed his face against the cool glass and closed his eyes. “Something’s got to give,” he mumbled to himself, shivering a little. He thought about going to get a blanket, but quickly dismissed it, not wanting to move.
As if reading his mind, Billy wrapped a blanket around Orlando’s shoulders. “You’ll catch your death if you keep sitting in that drafty thing,” he said quietly.
Orlando ignored him, but pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He opened his eyes and watched the rain drizzle down the window. “D’you ever think that sometimes the weather reflects the way you’re feeling, Bill?”
Billy sat down at the opposite end of the window seat and looked out at the dark gray sky then at Orlando. “I’m afraid I never gave it much thought really.” He furrowed his and pursed his lips, studying the man in front of him. “Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
Orlando finally tore his eyes away from the window and looked at Billy. He looked so tired and sad, and his usual bright eyes were dull with dark circles under them. Billy was caught completely off guard, wondering how long he had been like this and how he could have missed it before. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know,” Orlando said, shaking his head.
Billy leaned back against the wall, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “I think I know what’s bothering you.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “You don’t love me anymore.”
Orlando’s head jerked up and his eyes went wide. “I do!”
Billy smiled somewhat sadly. “Not like you used to. You’re not in love with me anymore.”
Orlando remained silent and he lowed his eyes from Billy’s face, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.
“It’s okay,” Billy said. “I’ve known it for a while now. When I first realized it, I didn’t want it to be true. I thought that maybe if I loved you enough, you’d start loving me back again. But that’s not how it works.”
“I’m sorry,” Orlando whispered. “So sorry.”
“So am I. I want you to know that I’m not mad. I don’t blame you. This isn’t anyone’s fault, really. It’s hurtful, yes, but that’s pretty much unavoidable when a relationship of two years ends.”
“So that’s it? We’re breaking up?” Orlando had dreaded having this conversation, but now that it was happening, it felt oddly freeing. He felt the tightness in his chest slowly start to loosen.
“Well, what else can we do?” Billy asked. “I’m not what you need and you can’t give me what I want. We tried our best, but it’s just not meant to be. We’ve been so scared of that fade to black that we’ve stayed in this relationship even though it’s not what we want. It’s time to move on. Change isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes it can be very good. I think we‘re much better as friends anyway, wouldn‘t you agree?”
Orlando smiled a little. “Yeah. I think that’s true.”
Billy shivered and rubbed his arms. “C’mon,” he said, standing up. He grabbed Orlando’s hand and pulled him up, then led him to the couch. Billy sat down in the corner of the couch and pulled Orlando down to sit in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around Orlando’s waist. “I want to hold you while I still have the chance to,” he said quietly.
Orlando leaned back and rested his head against Billy’s shoulder. He buried his face in Billy’s neck and breathed in his familiar scent, realizing for the first time just how much he would miss it. There were a thousand little things that Orlando took for granted that he would miss. “What if this isn’t the right decision?”
“It is,” Billy replied. “And I’m not saying that because I want to get rid of you. If I had my way, you’d be mine forever. I’m doing this for you. That whole ‘if you love someone let them go’ shite. You’re just scared now, but I think you know deep down that this is for the best.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. You’re doing something I didn’t have the courage to do. I feel like I should thank you, but that doesn’t really seem like the thing to do in this situation.”
Billy chuckled lightly. “Don’t ask me. I’m not skilled in the ways of break up etiquette.”
Orlando was silent for a moment before saying, “I really do love you, Billy.”
“I know, Orli.” He kissed the side of Orlando’s head. “I know. I love you, too.”
“Are things going to be okay with us?”
“’Course they will. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Billy poked Orlando gently in the side, causing him to laugh.
“I guess I’ll have to start looking for a new place to live.”
“You don’t have to,” Billy said. “You can stay here for as long as you want. Forever, even. I mean, there’s a guest room. We could fix it up and you could move in there.”
Orlando’s heart broke at the hopefulness in Billy’s voice. “We’ll see, Billy. You’re really too good to me.”
“Not really. I’m just selfish. I don’t want you to leave me completely. Even if we’re not together, I still want you around…God, Orli. How am I supposed to sleep without you?” Billy’s voice shook as he asked the question.
“I don’t know, Billy,” Orlando said, his voice hoarse.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Billy said, shaking his head. His voice was thick when he continued. “I thought I could. I thought I could be strong and let you go, but I can’t. I’m not strong. Not strong at all.”
“Billy, Billy,” Orlando whispered, turning around. He cupped Billy’s face gently in his hands. “You are the strongest man I know. Everything is gonna be okay. Like you said, it’s for the best. You’ll find someone else. Someone better than me. Someone who can love you like you deserved to be loved. It’ll be okay. Better than okay. You’ll see.” He kissed Billy softly. “You’ll see.”
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:)
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