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[thepsychicclam.livejournal.com]

Title: Feeling is First
Author: thepsychicclam
Pairing: Dom/Lij
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Dom tries to write.
Disclaimer: I made this all up.
Archive: My site, http://garden.expecto-patronum.net
Written for the contrelamontre poetry challenge

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
since feeling is first by e e cummings



we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph


Dom sat alone at the kitchen table, journal open before him, pen poised thoughtfully between his teeth. The white sheet with perfectly straight lines was staring back at him, mocking him. Dom could hear it as if it had a voice of its own, cackling and telling him he would never cover its pages with the words he wanted to say.

In the living room, Elijah and Orlando sat on the floor playing a violent video game while Sean and Billy played a game of gin rummy on the coffee table behind them. And here was Dom, alone in the kitchen as the wind blew violently against the windows causing a couple loose screens to beat erratic patterns that drove into Dom’s brain and touched a nerve. And to make matters worse, he had writers block.

Dom’s journal was a constant companion wherever he went. He never left home without it and a pen. Life consisted of too many moments passing by not to have something on hand to write them down on. The guys accepted this about Dom. Funny quotes got jotted down along with date and who said it, important dates got a page, and bits of poetry, songs, and stories were spread between the pages of Dom’s most personal thoughts.

Sighing, he flipped back through the journal, attempting to gain some sort of inspiration. Bits of a song Elijah recommended, his thoughts about filming the Shire scenes, a date. November 7. Chewing on the end of his pen, he tried hard to remember why November 7 had been jotted down. He stared at the words, expecting them to jump up and tell him why the date was significant. The longer he stared, the harder it was to figure out what the date was.

Flicking the book back to the blank page, he forced the pen to the paper and wrote a word. We. At least it was something. Dom turned around and looked at the guys in the other room, laughing and chatting. He wanted to capture all that down: the sound of Elijah’s giggle, the way swear words rolled off Orlando’s tongue like he was speaking poetry, the amused sparkle in Sean’s eyes, and the ever constant grin on Billy’s face. These were things he never wanted to forget, and he was afraid if he didn’t write them all down right that second he would.

Time moved too fast for Dom. All around him things were flying past and it was too much for him to digest. Once he started to enjoy something, it had already passed and he was desperately trying to get used to some new thing. Writing everything down had become his way of enjoying things. He’d flip through his book, remembering certain events and conversations, and be happy in that forgotten moment.

Slamming the book shut, he padded into the living room and plopped into an oversized armchair. He watched the scene before him and could think of a thousand things to say about the moment, but he knew as soon as he picked up a pen, everything would dissolve from his brain.

Elijah died a rather violent death in an explosion and threw his controller down.

“I’m tired of this game, Orli. I’ve got to take a break.” Elijah left Orlando playing by himself and walked over to Dom. “Get everything written you wanted to?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the chair between Dom’s open legs.

“Nope. Thought I’d join all of you for a bit.”

“You bastard!” Sean yelled throwing the cards down on the table and stomping off. Billy chuckled as he picked up the deck of cards and shuffled them again. Elijah started laughing as Sean stomped back over to the couch, jerking up his cards and sending Billy a death glare. Elijah leaned back against Dom’s chest as he wrapped his arms snugly around Elijah’s body.

“What were you trying to write?” Elijah asked quietly.

“This.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to forget it,” Dom explained.

“It’s not even over yet, love.” Elijah laid his head on Dom’s shoulder, turning his attention to Orlando’s video game. Dom leaned his chin on the top of Elijah’s head, thinking about what Elijah had just said. Maybe he was right. How could he want to save moments he hadn’t even lived? But holding Elijah there in his arms, he knew that even years after he and Elijah had parted and Sean was a soccer dad and Billy was stealing audiences in theaters and Orlando was a Hollywood A list actor he didn’t want to forget the simple feel of Elijah’s warm body against his own as the room was alive around him with his friends.

But he guessed that’s what they were all for, anyway. Deep in his soul he knew they would never really part, no matter how far away they went. They’d all be around to remind him of these little moments that he was too busy overanalyzing to enjoy. Besides, life was meant to be lived, not written down.

“Elijah,” Dom asked suddenly. He felt Elijah shift as he turned to look up at him.

“Yeah?”

“What’s November 7?”

“November 7?” Elijah’s brow creased as he sat in thought for a few moments before his face lit up. “That’s the day you first kissed me.”

Dom nodded as Elijah lifted up to kiss him quickly before settling back into his arms. Dom thought maybe writing stuff down was the best thing for him, but he was glad to have them around to remind him of why he wrote it down.

~Fin