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fellowshippers2002-07-09 06:37 pm
antiquitea.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2002-07-09 06:37 pm
Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way
Title: Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way.
Author: Megan.
Pairing: Billy/Dominic.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Told from Billy's P.O.V. ... Wasn't supposed to be this way ... Got to much of mine own to say ...
Archive: BTF, anywhere else please ask.
Feedback: I'm a feedback whore. Please?
Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own any of the true-to-life people in this story. All original characters however are my own. Any events that occur in this story which have occurred in real life are simply coincidental.
Warning: Death fic.
Notes: Lyrics that appear in the story taken from "Heaven" by All Saints.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Last night was the most amazing night of my life, and I'm not exaggerating that. Last night, everything had seemed to come into place. I remember back in New Zealand what I first thought when I saw Dominic Monaghan. I said to myself, "Billy, there's the man you're going to spend the rest of your life with." I was crazy, certainly a man that attractive could only be straight. You could imagine my surprise one night while we both crashed at his place, doing all that nasty stuff we're taught not to do in school. You know, drinking and smoking. Well, I smoked, Dom didn't. But it was then when he admitted to me that he was bisexual. After I had regained my ability to breath, I thought that I had a chance.
And that's where last night comes in. Last night, after casually seeing each other for over two years, Dom told me that he wanted to get serious with me, and become exclusive. You can imagine my reaction. It was somewhere between wanting to die and wanting to just jump in his arms and tell him how much I loved him. Oh sure, we've said we loved each other numerous times. But it's been in a buddy-buddy sort of way, never an "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" sort of way. I figure that we'll get there eventually. And for that moment, I simply can't wait.
+ + +
Dom comes home wearing that smile he always does when he walks in the door and sees me. It gives me some sort of gratification to know that I'm the one causing those gorgeous lips lift into the widest of smiles. I'm flattered to say the least.
"Hey, Billy," he says softly, wrapping me up in his arms.
"Hey," I say in response, in then lean in for a kiss.
I feel him smile and his arms go around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I love every moment of it. When he pulls back from me, he's smiling. "You wanna go out tonight?" he asks, stroking my cheek.
"Go out?" I ask. He nods. "Like, where?"
"Anywhere," he replies. "The movies, dinner, whatever you want to do."
"Well, both sound appealing actually," I say. "About dinner and a movie?"
"In that order?" Dom asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
I chuckle a little and kiss his lips gently. He responds, against wrapping his arms around my waist. "It doesn't really matter in what order," I reply between kisses. "So long as we get to do both and I'm with you."
"You're such a bloody romantic, Billy."
"You know you enjoy it."
+ + +
So dinner and movies it is. I peek in on Dominic getting dressed for the evening, and wonder when he moved in with me. I then remember that he's basically been living with me for a year. He has his own room though. We haven't actually made love yet, or anything remotely close to that. Just a lot of kissing and petting. God, we so belong in the 1950's. Wait, scratch that. We'd be banished from society because we're gay.
"Boyd, why are you watching me?"
I come out of my trance and smile, and I'm looking right at Dom. I then wonder how long I've been staring at him. "Why wouldn't I watch you?" I ask.
Dom takes my hand, and brings it to his lips for a kiss. I giggle like some sort of school girl and he blushes. "You're too cute sometimes, Billy."
"You mean I'm not cute all the time?" I ask, trying to sound offended.
He laughs. "No. You're sexy all the time though." I laugh as well, especially when Dom swoops in and growls in my face like some sort of playful tiger. I try to push him away, but he just grabs my hand and leads me down the hall. "Are you all ready to go?" he asks.
"Yup!" I reply. "I was ready about an hour ago ... just like you were supposed to be."
Dom laughs again. "Not my fault. I wanted my clothes to compliment your's."
"And it took you and hour to find clothes that did?"
"No! I settled for the next best thing!"
I smile and lock Dom's fingers with mine. "I'm going to have to take you out shopping."
"Oh, god, no," he grumbles.
I chuckle, and then we're out the door.
+ + +
Dinner was great. The movie was excellent. Oh yeah, and Dom was there too. I'm kidding of course. Dom was the high-light of the night. He was there with a joke, a compliment, a hug, sometimes a kiss ... yeah, we got stared at a lot. It has something to do with being famous. I'm sure if we weren't famous we'd still being getting looks, but not as much. I can just see the headlines tomorrow.
We're on the highway now, Dom's driving. He's holding my hand tightly, occasionally bringing it to his lips for a kiss. Just looking at him does wonderful things to my body, and this is no exception.
"Tonight," I hear him whisper.
I whirl my head around to face him. "I'm sorry?"
"Tonight," he says again. He turns and looks at me. "I want to make love to you tonight, Billy."
My heart is fluttering, my mouth is agape, and there's a sudden aching in my groin. "Tonight?" I whisper.
"Tonight," he says for the third time.
He looks at me like he never really has before. He takes his eyes off the road and leans in to kiss me. I don't say anything like I normally would. The roads are deserted. Dominic's lips are soft, but right now, they feel any softer. He's still holding my hand and he's deepening the kiss. I have this strong urge to just climb onto his lap and have my way with him now, but something restrains me from doing that besides my seatbelt. He moves his lips to my neck, sucking gently.
And suddenly, something's wrong.
The awful sounds.
The awful sights.
It's all just ... awful.
+ + +
Lift me up
Take me high
Take me higher than I’ve been before
I need time
Time to find
The road to my destiny
+ + +
There's agonizing pain. Oh, god, it hurts. Before my eyes even open, my mouth opens, and I make a sound that I've never really heard myself make before. I then force my eyes open, and realize why I'm in so much god damn fuckin' pain. I'm crushed. Yes, literally crushed. I hear so many things around me.
"We have to get him out of there."
"Car could catch fire at any moment."
"Is he even alive?"
I can't believe this is happening! This isn't supposed to be part of my night! I'm supposed to be with Dominic, enjoying everything life has to offer! I should be in bed with him right now ... where is Dom? Is he okay?
"Billy!" I hear him cry.
His voice is coming from outside the car. He's okay!
"D - Dom?"
I don't recognize my own voice.
"Billy! He's alive! You have to get him out!"
+ + +
Heaven help me
On account to happiness is where I wanna be
Stealing my mind
I'm running outa time
So heaven lift me up
+ + +
I hear them talking about ways of getting me out, and I know it's bad. I look around me and don't even really know where I am. All I know is that I'm in a mangled wreck that was once a car. I feel weak. Am I dying? I have no idea. All I know is that whatever mess I'm in, it's bad.
"Hang on!" I hear a voice call. "We're going to get you out!"
I can only pray they do. I move the only limb of mine I can feel - my right arm, and attempt to get it into my view. I manage to. I don't like what I see. Redness. Obviously blood. My blood. I manage to wiggle my arm down again and touch my torso. I feel something that doesn't feel like skin. It feels like what I assume muscle, tissue, or some major body organ would feel like. And I hear Dom screaming my name again.
"Billy!"
"I'm here," I whisper hoarsely, although I know that he can't hear me.
+ + +
Scared to laugh
Scared to cry
For fear of
My own contradiction
+ + +
Most of all, I want to know what's happened. I know I'm in a mangled car, Dom managed to get out. I thank God for that. But what did we hit? Another vehicle? A telephone post? I tightly close my eyes. The pain is starting to get to me. I then force my eyes open. I know that if I close my eyes there's a chance I might not open them again.
I feel metal being lifted off me, and I can see the night sky. I look up at one of the men who has been attempting to get me out for however long I've been in the car, and the look on his face tells me something. It's not good.
"Jesus Christ," he breathes.
"Billy!"
I glance over and see Dominic. He's fine. But God ... the look on his face. I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms and tell him everything's going to be okay. But I'm not so sure about that.
"Billy," he whimpers.
And I watch his face crumble.
+ + +
Take me high
Above the clouds where the birds fly
I'm feelin’ free
Let heaven do the work for me
+ + +
After they somehow manage to get me out of the wreck of metal I can look at my body. I'm not going to live. I'm mangled beyond repair, the wounds I've suffered fatal. Dom above everyone else knows this.
"Don't die, Billy," he whimpers, tears staining his face as he lightly holds my hand.
I'm lying on a gurney, and they're putting me in the back of an ambulance. I try to smile through the pain, to let him know that I'll be okay, even though I know it's over. Done. Bye, Billy Boyd. I fight hard myself not to cry. I don't want to go ... I don't want to. I really don't. I especially don't want to leave Dom. I cry out slightly, and he lets go of my hand, afraid he's the one that's hurting me. But he's not. What's hurting me is the wound from where all the blood is coming from. Not to mention the place where my left leg used to be ...
"I - I'll be fine," I gasp out.
Dom jumps in back with me, and then we're off. I want to tell them not to bother. I'm good as dead. But I can't do this to Dom. God! I can't leave him! He takes my bloodied hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. His whole body is trembling, and he continues kissing my hand. Looking at him makes me feel even more pain. This is the wonderful man who I'm going to leave behind.
I black out.
I come to.
Dom's no longer there. There's other people there. Doctors. Nurses. What are they doing to me? They're speaking, but I don't hear the words. Only the sounds. I do however, hear Dom. I hear him loud and clear. He's obviously outside. God ... the sounds he's making are horrible. I'm doing this to him! I can't do this to him! I begin struggling, and I don't care that the people who are in this strange room with me are trying to make sure I live. The only thing I care about right now is Dom. I don't care about my pain! I want to make his go away!
"Dominic!" I wail, and there's someone pinning me down.
There's movement about the room, a lot of room and I despite it all, and despite everything, I manage to turn my head. And Dom's there, looking in through the window in the door. The nurses are about to close the curtains, so he doesn't have to see me, and so I can't see him, and there's people trying to pull him away too.
"Dommie," I whimper.
I watch him. It's horrible. I don't want to do this to him. He licks his lips, watching me intently. I scream that I love him, and watch his face. I suddenly can't hear him like I had minutes - or was it hours? - before. He mouths I love you as well, and then the curtain closes and I know he's gone.
No.
I'm the one who's gone.
No, I want to scream. No! Not like this! It wasn't supposed to be this way!
+ + +
Wasn't supposed to be this way
Got to much of my own to say
+ + +
He's alone. I want to go to him. I want to tell him face to face that I love him, but my body is still restricting me. My world goes black, and then white. I don't feel any pain anymore, but I know that he does. I see him. He's sitting in the waiting room, leaning over, his head in his hands. He's sobbing, rocking back and forth as a doctor tells him the extent of the injuries that killed me. He offers Dominic his sympathy, and he accepts it as best as he can. He's not strong on his own. He can't take this. I know Dominic like that.
He sits there for the longest time, and I don't know if he's ever going to get up again. He tells someone he wants to see me, and I follow him. He's not walking like he usually does. There's no bounce in his step. God, I did this to him.
I even don't recognize myself, I don't know how Dom can. I mean, my face is fine, it was probably the only thing in the accident that wasn't mangled. But it's so ... not me. I always smile. I'm not smiling. My face is just ... there. And it's so pale. It's not me. I've accepted that I'm dead, but I can't accept that the person Dom and I are looking at (even though he doesn't know I'm there) is me.
I watch him stroke my face, and I can feel it, and I want him to know that.
"I love you, Billy," he whispers.
"I love you too, Dom," I say, but he can't hear me.
He leans down and kisses the lips of the corpse that's obviously me, and he turns and walks out. I stay there a while longer, not believing it. I'm dead.
No more making movies. Because I'm dead.
No more going out with my mates. Because I'm dead.
No more spending time with people I care about and love. Because I'm dead.
No more holding Dominic. Because I'm dead.
No more anything ...
+ + +
Never thought that I'd be standing
At the gates of heaven
+ + +
... Because I'm dead.
[/end.]
Author: Megan.
Pairing: Billy/Dominic.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Told from Billy's P.O.V. ... Wasn't supposed to be this way ... Got to much of mine own to say ...
Archive: BTF, anywhere else please ask.
Feedback: I'm a feedback whore. Please?
Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own any of the true-to-life people in this story. All original characters however are my own. Any events that occur in this story which have occurred in real life are simply coincidental.
Warning: Death fic.
Notes: Lyrics that appear in the story taken from "Heaven" by All Saints.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Last night was the most amazing night of my life, and I'm not exaggerating that. Last night, everything had seemed to come into place. I remember back in New Zealand what I first thought when I saw Dominic Monaghan. I said to myself, "Billy, there's the man you're going to spend the rest of your life with." I was crazy, certainly a man that attractive could only be straight. You could imagine my surprise one night while we both crashed at his place, doing all that nasty stuff we're taught not to do in school. You know, drinking and smoking. Well, I smoked, Dom didn't. But it was then when he admitted to me that he was bisexual. After I had regained my ability to breath, I thought that I had a chance.
And that's where last night comes in. Last night, after casually seeing each other for over two years, Dom told me that he wanted to get serious with me, and become exclusive. You can imagine my reaction. It was somewhere between wanting to die and wanting to just jump in his arms and tell him how much I loved him. Oh sure, we've said we loved each other numerous times. But it's been in a buddy-buddy sort of way, never an "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" sort of way. I figure that we'll get there eventually. And for that moment, I simply can't wait.
+ + +
Dom comes home wearing that smile he always does when he walks in the door and sees me. It gives me some sort of gratification to know that I'm the one causing those gorgeous lips lift into the widest of smiles. I'm flattered to say the least.
"Hey, Billy," he says softly, wrapping me up in his arms.
"Hey," I say in response, in then lean in for a kiss.
I feel him smile and his arms go around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I love every moment of it. When he pulls back from me, he's smiling. "You wanna go out tonight?" he asks, stroking my cheek.
"Go out?" I ask. He nods. "Like, where?"
"Anywhere," he replies. "The movies, dinner, whatever you want to do."
"Well, both sound appealing actually," I say. "About dinner and a movie?"
"In that order?" Dom asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
I chuckle a little and kiss his lips gently. He responds, against wrapping his arms around my waist. "It doesn't really matter in what order," I reply between kisses. "So long as we get to do both and I'm with you."
"You're such a bloody romantic, Billy."
"You know you enjoy it."
+ + +
So dinner and movies it is. I peek in on Dominic getting dressed for the evening, and wonder when he moved in with me. I then remember that he's basically been living with me for a year. He has his own room though. We haven't actually made love yet, or anything remotely close to that. Just a lot of kissing and petting. God, we so belong in the 1950's. Wait, scratch that. We'd be banished from society because we're gay.
"Boyd, why are you watching me?"
I come out of my trance and smile, and I'm looking right at Dom. I then wonder how long I've been staring at him. "Why wouldn't I watch you?" I ask.
Dom takes my hand, and brings it to his lips for a kiss. I giggle like some sort of school girl and he blushes. "You're too cute sometimes, Billy."
"You mean I'm not cute all the time?" I ask, trying to sound offended.
He laughs. "No. You're sexy all the time though." I laugh as well, especially when Dom swoops in and growls in my face like some sort of playful tiger. I try to push him away, but he just grabs my hand and leads me down the hall. "Are you all ready to go?" he asks.
"Yup!" I reply. "I was ready about an hour ago ... just like you were supposed to be."
Dom laughs again. "Not my fault. I wanted my clothes to compliment your's."
"And it took you and hour to find clothes that did?"
"No! I settled for the next best thing!"
I smile and lock Dom's fingers with mine. "I'm going to have to take you out shopping."
"Oh, god, no," he grumbles.
I chuckle, and then we're out the door.
+ + +
Dinner was great. The movie was excellent. Oh yeah, and Dom was there too. I'm kidding of course. Dom was the high-light of the night. He was there with a joke, a compliment, a hug, sometimes a kiss ... yeah, we got stared at a lot. It has something to do with being famous. I'm sure if we weren't famous we'd still being getting looks, but not as much. I can just see the headlines tomorrow.
We're on the highway now, Dom's driving. He's holding my hand tightly, occasionally bringing it to his lips for a kiss. Just looking at him does wonderful things to my body, and this is no exception.
"Tonight," I hear him whisper.
I whirl my head around to face him. "I'm sorry?"
"Tonight," he says again. He turns and looks at me. "I want to make love to you tonight, Billy."
My heart is fluttering, my mouth is agape, and there's a sudden aching in my groin. "Tonight?" I whisper.
"Tonight," he says for the third time.
He looks at me like he never really has before. He takes his eyes off the road and leans in to kiss me. I don't say anything like I normally would. The roads are deserted. Dominic's lips are soft, but right now, they feel any softer. He's still holding my hand and he's deepening the kiss. I have this strong urge to just climb onto his lap and have my way with him now, but something restrains me from doing that besides my seatbelt. He moves his lips to my neck, sucking gently.
And suddenly, something's wrong.
The awful sounds.
The awful sights.
It's all just ... awful.
+ + +
Lift me up
Take me high
Take me higher than I’ve been before
I need time
Time to find
The road to my destiny
+ + +
There's agonizing pain. Oh, god, it hurts. Before my eyes even open, my mouth opens, and I make a sound that I've never really heard myself make before. I then force my eyes open, and realize why I'm in so much god damn fuckin' pain. I'm crushed. Yes, literally crushed. I hear so many things around me.
"We have to get him out of there."
"Car could catch fire at any moment."
"Is he even alive?"
I can't believe this is happening! This isn't supposed to be part of my night! I'm supposed to be with Dominic, enjoying everything life has to offer! I should be in bed with him right now ... where is Dom? Is he okay?
"Billy!" I hear him cry.
His voice is coming from outside the car. He's okay!
"D - Dom?"
I don't recognize my own voice.
"Billy! He's alive! You have to get him out!"
+ + +
Heaven help me
On account to happiness is where I wanna be
Stealing my mind
I'm running outa time
So heaven lift me up
+ + +
I hear them talking about ways of getting me out, and I know it's bad. I look around me and don't even really know where I am. All I know is that I'm in a mangled wreck that was once a car. I feel weak. Am I dying? I have no idea. All I know is that whatever mess I'm in, it's bad.
"Hang on!" I hear a voice call. "We're going to get you out!"
I can only pray they do. I move the only limb of mine I can feel - my right arm, and attempt to get it into my view. I manage to. I don't like what I see. Redness. Obviously blood. My blood. I manage to wiggle my arm down again and touch my torso. I feel something that doesn't feel like skin. It feels like what I assume muscle, tissue, or some major body organ would feel like. And I hear Dom screaming my name again.
"Billy!"
"I'm here," I whisper hoarsely, although I know that he can't hear me.
+ + +
Scared to laugh
Scared to cry
For fear of
My own contradiction
+ + +
Most of all, I want to know what's happened. I know I'm in a mangled car, Dom managed to get out. I thank God for that. But what did we hit? Another vehicle? A telephone post? I tightly close my eyes. The pain is starting to get to me. I then force my eyes open. I know that if I close my eyes there's a chance I might not open them again.
I feel metal being lifted off me, and I can see the night sky. I look up at one of the men who has been attempting to get me out for however long I've been in the car, and the look on his face tells me something. It's not good.
"Jesus Christ," he breathes.
"Billy!"
I glance over and see Dominic. He's fine. But God ... the look on his face. I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms and tell him everything's going to be okay. But I'm not so sure about that.
"Billy," he whimpers.
And I watch his face crumble.
+ + +
Take me high
Above the clouds where the birds fly
I'm feelin’ free
Let heaven do the work for me
+ + +
After they somehow manage to get me out of the wreck of metal I can look at my body. I'm not going to live. I'm mangled beyond repair, the wounds I've suffered fatal. Dom above everyone else knows this.
"Don't die, Billy," he whimpers, tears staining his face as he lightly holds my hand.
I'm lying on a gurney, and they're putting me in the back of an ambulance. I try to smile through the pain, to let him know that I'll be okay, even though I know it's over. Done. Bye, Billy Boyd. I fight hard myself not to cry. I don't want to go ... I don't want to. I really don't. I especially don't want to leave Dom. I cry out slightly, and he lets go of my hand, afraid he's the one that's hurting me. But he's not. What's hurting me is the wound from where all the blood is coming from. Not to mention the place where my left leg used to be ...
"I - I'll be fine," I gasp out.
Dom jumps in back with me, and then we're off. I want to tell them not to bother. I'm good as dead. But I can't do this to Dom. God! I can't leave him! He takes my bloodied hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. His whole body is trembling, and he continues kissing my hand. Looking at him makes me feel even more pain. This is the wonderful man who I'm going to leave behind.
I black out.
I come to.
Dom's no longer there. There's other people there. Doctors. Nurses. What are they doing to me? They're speaking, but I don't hear the words. Only the sounds. I do however, hear Dom. I hear him loud and clear. He's obviously outside. God ... the sounds he's making are horrible. I'm doing this to him! I can't do this to him! I begin struggling, and I don't care that the people who are in this strange room with me are trying to make sure I live. The only thing I care about right now is Dom. I don't care about my pain! I want to make his go away!
"Dominic!" I wail, and there's someone pinning me down.
There's movement about the room, a lot of room and I despite it all, and despite everything, I manage to turn my head. And Dom's there, looking in through the window in the door. The nurses are about to close the curtains, so he doesn't have to see me, and so I can't see him, and there's people trying to pull him away too.
"Dommie," I whimper.
I watch him. It's horrible. I don't want to do this to him. He licks his lips, watching me intently. I scream that I love him, and watch his face. I suddenly can't hear him like I had minutes - or was it hours? - before. He mouths I love you as well, and then the curtain closes and I know he's gone.
No.
I'm the one who's gone.
No, I want to scream. No! Not like this! It wasn't supposed to be this way!
+ + +
Wasn't supposed to be this way
Got to much of my own to say
+ + +
He's alone. I want to go to him. I want to tell him face to face that I love him, but my body is still restricting me. My world goes black, and then white. I don't feel any pain anymore, but I know that he does. I see him. He's sitting in the waiting room, leaning over, his head in his hands. He's sobbing, rocking back and forth as a doctor tells him the extent of the injuries that killed me. He offers Dominic his sympathy, and he accepts it as best as he can. He's not strong on his own. He can't take this. I know Dominic like that.
He sits there for the longest time, and I don't know if he's ever going to get up again. He tells someone he wants to see me, and I follow him. He's not walking like he usually does. There's no bounce in his step. God, I did this to him.
I even don't recognize myself, I don't know how Dom can. I mean, my face is fine, it was probably the only thing in the accident that wasn't mangled. But it's so ... not me. I always smile. I'm not smiling. My face is just ... there. And it's so pale. It's not me. I've accepted that I'm dead, but I can't accept that the person Dom and I are looking at (even though he doesn't know I'm there) is me.
I watch him stroke my face, and I can feel it, and I want him to know that.
"I love you, Billy," he whispers.
"I love you too, Dom," I say, but he can't hear me.
He leans down and kisses the lips of the corpse that's obviously me, and he turns and walks out. I stay there a while longer, not believing it. I'm dead.
No more making movies. Because I'm dead.
No more going out with my mates. Because I'm dead.
No more spending time with people I care about and love. Because I'm dead.
No more holding Dominic. Because I'm dead.
No more anything ...
+ + +
Never thought that I'd be standing
At the gates of heaven
+ + +
... Because I'm dead.
[/end.]
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