ext_217719 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
marialayne.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2005-04-27 12:01 am
marialayne.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2005-04-27 12:01 am
Dancing with the daffodils 8/18
Nearly halfway there - but hardly anyone seems to be reading this. Please tell me if it is no good - and tell me why, or else I'll never improve.
I love positive feedback, but I learn more from those who tell me honestly what is wrong with my writing.
Title: Dancing with the Daffodils 8/18
Author: Maria Layne
Pairing: Viggo/Orlando (and others)
Rating: NC-17 ( for m/m sex)
Please see the warnings in chapter 1. This is the only chapter with a bit of het in it. Sorry.
Disclaimer: This is a fictional story with certain actors cast in the main roles. I am not claiming anything about their real life sexuality or making any money from this. I wish.
Thank you to my most wonderful beta![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bluespirit_star who worked her eyes to the bone for me on this.
previous chapters are here:
chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7
and here is
Chapter 8
I didn’t see Orlando at school the following Monday, so I wanted to talk to him at Tae Kwon Do. I needed to check up on how he was, on what his parents had said, but fate conspired against us, for a change. Usually, when I didn’t want to face him, we were thrown together. Now it seemed we were to be kept apart. And there were several intriguing things going on. His bruises were very obvious, as was his mood. It seemed that everyone who asked him about them received the same short shrift. He wasn’t saying anything.
Orlando had done some demonstration work with Colin earlier, and the tension between them had been electric. I had hoped that he would talk to me during the sparring session, but he had spent most of it with Anna - and her reaction to what he was saying was riveting. I was hard pressed to pay attention to what I was doing, and desperate for Orlando to spar with me so I could ask him how he was. We ended up getting a quick spar towards the end, and all he would say was that he was fine, and I was not to worry about him. I think he wanted to say more, but Bill told him to pay attention, and he clammed up. At the end of the class, Anna waylaid me, and although I called after Orlando, he just waved and left. I wanted to run after him, but Anna was insistent. Maybe it was for the best, I thought. Maybe he was finally getting over me. How could the emptiness that came with that thought be reconciled with its propriety? He was certainly coping much better than I was – although that was hardly a surprise. Or maybe it was all an act, like mine was. Was my act as convincing as his, I wondered.
I dragged my attention back to Anna, in time to hear her say something about dinner.
"Sorry?"
"Viggo! No kangaroos in the top paddock today, mate? I asked if you’d like to go out to dinner tonight. You and I have to have a serious chin-wag about something." Surely Orlando hadn’t said anything to her? My fear must have shown in my face. “Nothing bad. I need your advice.”
And I needed a distraction - and Anna was always good company. It was quite a novelty that she needed my advice for a change. Usually it was me running to her for some help with the syllabus or a problem student. I felt strangely honoured to be her confidant in whatever it was.
"Sure - where do you want to go?" She suggested the restaurant at the leagues club. She said the food was good there, and not expensive. I had no intention of allowing her to pay, but this was not the place for that argument. I agreed. I arranged to pick her up in an hour, and she smiled. Her smile transformed her face. The worry lines faded and I could see the girl beneath the mother and teacher. I wanted to make her laugh and smile more. She deserved to have some happiness in her life, something that was not always responsibility – school, family, even in her leisure activities, her Tae Kwon Do, she was the one that took responsibility. Did she never relax, laugh, have a bit of fun? Well tonight she was going to. I could do that for her.
I watched the storm clouds gather over the ocean as I dressed. The sky was dark and thunderous, and in the distance, lightning flashed out at sea. I dressed up for a change, taking pride in my appearance. I regretted that I had worn my best shirt to the gay bar, then realized that I ought to have put it in to soak. It had Orlando’s blood on it. David would have yelled at me for that, for not taking care of my clothes, for always leaving things like that to him. I could hear his voice,
“What would you do if you hadn’t got me to look after you, you bloody galah?” and I recalled my reply,
“Good job you’ll always be here, slave-boy!”
I gazed at the man in the mirror. No, he wasn’t going to cry again. He would wear his second best shirt, one that David had picked out, even if it were a bit – um - flamboyant. What appeals to gay guys appeals to women, too. I thought of the shopping trip where he had made me try on every shirt in the shop, some several times, until he was satisfied that this one was “just the thing.” And that night he had undressed me, undoing each button with his teeth… No. No I couldn’t. There was no way I could wear that shirt either. I stripped it off and pulled on something casual, something with no memories attached.
I closed my eyes and opened them again. A normal, middle aged teacher looked back from the mirror. I still looked okay. Yes, I was going to be okay. I was going to relax, and I was going to forget all about David – and Orlando - for the evening.
It didn’t quite work out the way I’d planned - not in terms of the forgetting Orlando aspect of it, anyway. We sat watching the rain pour down on the balcony outside, as Anna informed me that she wanted to talk about Orlando - specifically about what he had told her while they were sparring earlier. She hesitated while we ordered, and my heart was thumping because I was scared that he had said something about me - about us. I dreaded her getting round to it, and she was obviously finding it difficult to say what was on her mind. When she finally spoke, I was so scared that I wasn’t really paying attention to the words. I was watching the thunderstorm echo the turbulence inside me.
"So what do you reckon? Viggo?”
"Sorry, Anna, could you say that again?"
"I’m not surprised you’re gobsmacked. I must admit you could have knocked me down with a cocky’s tailfeather. But he was quite open about it. Just came out and told me."
"Told you?"
"That he’s gay."
I paused, stalled, wiped my mouth on the paper napkin, let it sink in. The lightning flashed and the thunder cracked almost immediately. So this was it. I had to choose my response very carefully. Be neutral.
"He’ll have a hard road ahead. It won’t be easy for him."
"No. That’s what I said. I said to be careful who he let on to. Kids can be such arseholes."
"Yes." The silence stretched through several mouthfuls of dinner. There was another flash of lightning. A few seconds and then the deep roll of thunder. I didn’t really know what to say next. Obviously my fears as to what exactly Anna knew were unfounded. So why was she telling me all this?
"And he told you this in confidence?" I concentrated on spearing a tiny piece of tomato.
"Yes."
"So why are you telling me, Anna?" She looked up and smiled at me.
"Ah. This is where you think I’m Richard Cranium.” She looked away, wouldn’t meet my eyes. “It’s just… I wondered… I mean… I thought you could help him. You know…"
Was she saying that she knew I was gay? How could she know? I studied my food, examined the curls of the lettuce, the crumbs on the fish, picked some dark ends off the chips and moved them to the edge of the plate. The lightning illuminated her confusion.
"Oh, Christ! I’m wrong aren’t I? I’m so sorry, Viggo. Forgive me. I wouldn’t know my arse from a hole in the ground. What a moron!" I looked up at Anna, her face scarlet with embarrassment. I smiled slowly as the thunder rolled over us.
She had teased me so many times, over my “Yank” or even “Pommie” language, over my “male” behaviour, over everything. I was the new boy, and I had a sense of fun. I could take it. But here was an opportunity to tease back again. She would enjoy the joke eventually. One of the great Aussie traits, and one of the reasons I loved this country and its people so much, was that they could always laugh at themselves. David had always found something to laugh at in his mistakes – or achievements. Anna was the same. They call it “taking the piss” and they do it to others, they do it to themselves, and it always is good “for a lark.” My grin stretched wider.
“Tell me how you came to that interesting conclusion.”
"Nothing. Really. Nothing at school or anything, truly. You don’t act like a woolly woofter or anything. You know.” She raised her hand and let it flop into a limp wrist. I grinned. She was making it worse, and she knew it. This was fun. “It’s just that I saw you jogging with Karl the other day. I was driving past… and I wondered... And after that I just… And it’s not like you’ve shown much interest in...Don’t pick your nose, Anna, will you, or your head will cave in…" Her voice trailed off and her colour rose once more. I felt sorry for her.
"Karl. Right."
"I didn’t know about him while he was at school, but it was all over the staffroom when he finally swung wide that closet door. You know what it’s like." I certainly did. Teachers fill their lunch hours with the exploits of past students. Gossip is our stock in trade. Karl would have been quite a celebrity there for some time.
It was time to put her out of her misery.
“Well, Sherlock, I’ll have to ‘pay you’ this time.” I smiled as she realized what I was saying, that she was right.
Her eyes opened. Her mouth opened. The mouthful of food she had just placed inside was not the most pleasant sight, so I reached across and lifted her bottom jaw with my fingertip.
“Eat your dinner.”
She piled an enormous amount on her fork before lifting it to her mouth, then thrust it in. Only after that did she find she had something to say. The words were unintelligible. I made chewing motions that she copied until her mouth was empty. Then all she could manage was,
“Fuck me dead!”
I lifted my glass and took a sip of wine.
"So about Orlando?"
Nothing phased Anna for long, and here was something she cared about.
"So I thought maybe you could talk to him? Help him - give him a bit of an ear and shoulder, you know. He needs someone, and I don’t think it’s me. Look, just have a bash at it, okay. You’ll know what to say."
"I’m not sure that I can..." How could I do that and resist the temptation? This was like putting a baby into a tiger’s cage so the tiger could keep it safe. But how could I say no?
"Oh, please, Viggo. He really has nobody. His parents will be shitting bricks about it - in fact I don’t know how he’ll tell them, or even if he will. But he does need someone. Look, maybe I could ask Karl."
"No!" Not on your life. If I was a tiger, Karl was a fucking man-eater. And anyway, this was my responsibility. Maybe I could use this opportunity to strengthen the friendship. Maybe the role of mentor would underline in my mind the way the relationship ought to be. Maybe if I acted the part, I could come to believe it. "No, I’ll do it. Just let me think about it."
"You’ll come up with the goodies, Viggo. I trust you."
The thunderstorm seemed to be passing. The lightning and thunder were further apart, but the rain lashed down mercilessly outside. I smiled at her to cover the overwhelming wave of guilt I was feeling. Trust me? Not if she knew what my real feelings for him were, she wouldn’t. Here was an open invitation to spend time with Orlando - and I was going to do it. I was. And I would do it professionally and properly - live up to Anna’s expectations. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"What’s up, Viggo? You okay?"
"Sure." I grinned at her. This evening was supposed to be for her, wasn’t it? How had it come to be about me? Her lop-sided grin brought me back to the task at hand – cheering up my friend. "I was just thinking. Here I am having dinner with a beautiful woman, and she tells me she has discovered my darkest secrets…"
"Oh, God, I’m sorry Viggo. I made a right arse of myself, didn’t I?” I loved this self-deprecating humour. “And I swear I won’t let on. It’s just that I had this wasp up my butt about Orlando. Actually, I kind of hoped that I was off the track in a lot of ways." I grinned further.
"Why is that, Anna?’
"Stop it, Viggo! You know very well what I’m on about..."
"Do I? I’m not sure I do." I was enjoying this now. And she was grinning too, responding to the teasing in the way I knew she would.
"You’re a bastard!"
"Come on, let’s dance!" I held out my hand and stood up. She looked confused.
"Dance? You want to dance?"
"Don’t you know all gay men love to dance?"
Anna laughed, and we danced to the second rate band and the interminable beat of the rain. She was great company, relaxed and friendly, now she didn’t feel that she had to play a role. After all, I was gay - and she was safe. She was herself, and I liked that person more than ever. She had a sharp wit, a sparkling intelligence, and she opened up to my questions about her life. I heard about her failed marriage, her struggles to bring up two children on her own and still make something of her career. She told me how she had stopped Danielle going to Colin’s party the day before, and Danielle had sworn to pay her back. Poor Anna. I understood insecurity.
We drove home in near silence - Anna was wrapped in her thoughts, and I was concentrating on the driving. The interminable sheets of water flooded the windshield between each fast sweep of the wipers. I squinted my eyes to distinguish car headlights, slowing down to nearly walking pace as I tried to identify street signs and find the right turn-off. Like a beacon in the darkness, the green lights of the pub sign told me I was nearly at the right street. Tears of green light trickled down the windshield. Finally I pulled up outside the house. It was nearly midnight. The rain was streaming down the windows and the car was getting all foggy inside. Neither of us felt like saying goodbye. So I told her a bit about David, how he had died, how I was trying to get over him. She even cried for me a little, showing the incredible depth of her compassion.
"Oh, Viggo. I’m so sorry. I just want to hug you."
"Come on then." And she hugged, and I hugged back, stroking away her pain and loneliness. I felt like I had when I was making out with the girls when I was a teenager. And I breathed in her perfume, and her body felt soft and strange beneath my fingers, exotic and sensuous. Not at all like the satin and steel I usually craved. But almost without my volition, my fingers were in her hair, my mouth searching for hers. And she responded. Of course she did. And my body remembered the old dance.
I made a space between my lips and hers.
"I’m not sure this is a good idea." But I didn’t move any further away.
She kissed me again.
"Have you ever...?" She meant with a woman. I knew that.
"Not for a long time." Not since David transformed my closeted little world.
"Do you want to?" Her whispered question drifted between us in the wet heat of the car. Did I?
"Do you?" I left the decision to her.
"Bloody oath! I think maybe we both need this." And I think maybe I agreed with her. And in her arms I could truly forget for a few minutes both David and Orlando. I could pretend my life had turned out differently. There were tiny tendrils of thought that threatened to creep in, tiny trickles of guilt, but I refused to allow them access. For the next hour or so I was not going to think about anything.
We dashed through the rain, laughing, and crept inside, and I felt like an adolescent again as we tiptoed past Danielle’s room. Kevin was at a mate’s place, but Anna didn’t want to wake Danielle. And nor did I. We were both stifling muffled laughter at the incongruity of the situation as Anna finally closed the bedroom door behind her and toed off her wet shoes.
"Shhh!" She strangled her mirth and I sat on the bed and opened my arms to her, and she pounced. It was fun and laughter and joy and full of play. She teased me and made it easy. And when I held her afterwards and cried, and I don’t think I can explain why that was, she held me and told me that it was okay, and she understood. And she did. And when I thanked her, she knew what I meant then, too.
"Thank you, Viggo," she whispered. And we both knew that we had helped each other, and that it wouldn’t happen again. She watched me dress, then put on her robe to see me to the door. I didn’t want to stay, and she didn’t offer. And when we kissed goodbye - a warm, friendly sort of kiss, she thanked me again. The rain had eased, and I drove home, returning to my own type of loneliness, and leaving her to hers. I refused to analyse what I had done or why. Why shouldn’t I have done it? Who cares what David or Orlando or Karl or Sean would have to say about it? They didn’t understand what I was going through. I was not going to allow myself to wallow in pain, to feel guilt. There would be plenty of time for self-flagellation in the morning, I thought. But not now.
How was I to know the horrors that the morning would bring?
I love positive feedback, but I learn more from those who tell me honestly what is wrong with my writing.
Title: Dancing with the Daffodils 8/18
Author: Maria Layne
Pairing: Viggo/Orlando (and others)
Rating: NC-17 ( for m/m sex)
Please see the warnings in chapter 1. This is the only chapter with a bit of het in it. Sorry.
Disclaimer: This is a fictional story with certain actors cast in the main roles. I am not claiming anything about their real life sexuality or making any money from this. I wish.
Thank you to my most wonderful beta
bluespirit_star who worked her eyes to the bone for me on this.previous chapters are here:
chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7
and here is
Chapter 8
I didn’t see Orlando at school the following Monday, so I wanted to talk to him at Tae Kwon Do. I needed to check up on how he was, on what his parents had said, but fate conspired against us, for a change. Usually, when I didn’t want to face him, we were thrown together. Now it seemed we were to be kept apart. And there were several intriguing things going on. His bruises were very obvious, as was his mood. It seemed that everyone who asked him about them received the same short shrift. He wasn’t saying anything.
Orlando had done some demonstration work with Colin earlier, and the tension between them had been electric. I had hoped that he would talk to me during the sparring session, but he had spent most of it with Anna - and her reaction to what he was saying was riveting. I was hard pressed to pay attention to what I was doing, and desperate for Orlando to spar with me so I could ask him how he was. We ended up getting a quick spar towards the end, and all he would say was that he was fine, and I was not to worry about him. I think he wanted to say more, but Bill told him to pay attention, and he clammed up. At the end of the class, Anna waylaid me, and although I called after Orlando, he just waved and left. I wanted to run after him, but Anna was insistent. Maybe it was for the best, I thought. Maybe he was finally getting over me. How could the emptiness that came with that thought be reconciled with its propriety? He was certainly coping much better than I was – although that was hardly a surprise. Or maybe it was all an act, like mine was. Was my act as convincing as his, I wondered.
I dragged my attention back to Anna, in time to hear her say something about dinner.
"Sorry?"
"Viggo! No kangaroos in the top paddock today, mate? I asked if you’d like to go out to dinner tonight. You and I have to have a serious chin-wag about something." Surely Orlando hadn’t said anything to her? My fear must have shown in my face. “Nothing bad. I need your advice.”
And I needed a distraction - and Anna was always good company. It was quite a novelty that she needed my advice for a change. Usually it was me running to her for some help with the syllabus or a problem student. I felt strangely honoured to be her confidant in whatever it was.
"Sure - where do you want to go?" She suggested the restaurant at the leagues club. She said the food was good there, and not expensive. I had no intention of allowing her to pay, but this was not the place for that argument. I agreed. I arranged to pick her up in an hour, and she smiled. Her smile transformed her face. The worry lines faded and I could see the girl beneath the mother and teacher. I wanted to make her laugh and smile more. She deserved to have some happiness in her life, something that was not always responsibility – school, family, even in her leisure activities, her Tae Kwon Do, she was the one that took responsibility. Did she never relax, laugh, have a bit of fun? Well tonight she was going to. I could do that for her.
I watched the storm clouds gather over the ocean as I dressed. The sky was dark and thunderous, and in the distance, lightning flashed out at sea. I dressed up for a change, taking pride in my appearance. I regretted that I had worn my best shirt to the gay bar, then realized that I ought to have put it in to soak. It had Orlando’s blood on it. David would have yelled at me for that, for not taking care of my clothes, for always leaving things like that to him. I could hear his voice,
“What would you do if you hadn’t got me to look after you, you bloody galah?” and I recalled my reply,
“Good job you’ll always be here, slave-boy!”
I gazed at the man in the mirror. No, he wasn’t going to cry again. He would wear his second best shirt, one that David had picked out, even if it were a bit – um - flamboyant. What appeals to gay guys appeals to women, too. I thought of the shopping trip where he had made me try on every shirt in the shop, some several times, until he was satisfied that this one was “just the thing.” And that night he had undressed me, undoing each button with his teeth… No. No I couldn’t. There was no way I could wear that shirt either. I stripped it off and pulled on something casual, something with no memories attached.
I closed my eyes and opened them again. A normal, middle aged teacher looked back from the mirror. I still looked okay. Yes, I was going to be okay. I was going to relax, and I was going to forget all about David – and Orlando - for the evening.
It didn’t quite work out the way I’d planned - not in terms of the forgetting Orlando aspect of it, anyway. We sat watching the rain pour down on the balcony outside, as Anna informed me that she wanted to talk about Orlando - specifically about what he had told her while they were sparring earlier. She hesitated while we ordered, and my heart was thumping because I was scared that he had said something about me - about us. I dreaded her getting round to it, and she was obviously finding it difficult to say what was on her mind. When she finally spoke, I was so scared that I wasn’t really paying attention to the words. I was watching the thunderstorm echo the turbulence inside me.
"So what do you reckon? Viggo?”
"Sorry, Anna, could you say that again?"
"I’m not surprised you’re gobsmacked. I must admit you could have knocked me down with a cocky’s tailfeather. But he was quite open about it. Just came out and told me."
"Told you?"
"That he’s gay."
I paused, stalled, wiped my mouth on the paper napkin, let it sink in. The lightning flashed and the thunder cracked almost immediately. So this was it. I had to choose my response very carefully. Be neutral.
"He’ll have a hard road ahead. It won’t be easy for him."
"No. That’s what I said. I said to be careful who he let on to. Kids can be such arseholes."
"Yes." The silence stretched through several mouthfuls of dinner. There was another flash of lightning. A few seconds and then the deep roll of thunder. I didn’t really know what to say next. Obviously my fears as to what exactly Anna knew were unfounded. So why was she telling me all this?
"And he told you this in confidence?" I concentrated on spearing a tiny piece of tomato.
"Yes."
"So why are you telling me, Anna?" She looked up and smiled at me.
"Ah. This is where you think I’m Richard Cranium.” She looked away, wouldn’t meet my eyes. “It’s just… I wondered… I mean… I thought you could help him. You know…"
Was she saying that she knew I was gay? How could she know? I studied my food, examined the curls of the lettuce, the crumbs on the fish, picked some dark ends off the chips and moved them to the edge of the plate. The lightning illuminated her confusion.
"Oh, Christ! I’m wrong aren’t I? I’m so sorry, Viggo. Forgive me. I wouldn’t know my arse from a hole in the ground. What a moron!" I looked up at Anna, her face scarlet with embarrassment. I smiled slowly as the thunder rolled over us.
She had teased me so many times, over my “Yank” or even “Pommie” language, over my “male” behaviour, over everything. I was the new boy, and I had a sense of fun. I could take it. But here was an opportunity to tease back again. She would enjoy the joke eventually. One of the great Aussie traits, and one of the reasons I loved this country and its people so much, was that they could always laugh at themselves. David had always found something to laugh at in his mistakes – or achievements. Anna was the same. They call it “taking the piss” and they do it to others, they do it to themselves, and it always is good “for a lark.” My grin stretched wider.
“Tell me how you came to that interesting conclusion.”
"Nothing. Really. Nothing at school or anything, truly. You don’t act like a woolly woofter or anything. You know.” She raised her hand and let it flop into a limp wrist. I grinned. She was making it worse, and she knew it. This was fun. “It’s just that I saw you jogging with Karl the other day. I was driving past… and I wondered... And after that I just… And it’s not like you’ve shown much interest in...Don’t pick your nose, Anna, will you, or your head will cave in…" Her voice trailed off and her colour rose once more. I felt sorry for her.
"Karl. Right."
"I didn’t know about him while he was at school, but it was all over the staffroom when he finally swung wide that closet door. You know what it’s like." I certainly did. Teachers fill their lunch hours with the exploits of past students. Gossip is our stock in trade. Karl would have been quite a celebrity there for some time.
It was time to put her out of her misery.
“Well, Sherlock, I’ll have to ‘pay you’ this time.” I smiled as she realized what I was saying, that she was right.
Her eyes opened. Her mouth opened. The mouthful of food she had just placed inside was not the most pleasant sight, so I reached across and lifted her bottom jaw with my fingertip.
“Eat your dinner.”
She piled an enormous amount on her fork before lifting it to her mouth, then thrust it in. Only after that did she find she had something to say. The words were unintelligible. I made chewing motions that she copied until her mouth was empty. Then all she could manage was,
“Fuck me dead!”
I lifted my glass and took a sip of wine.
"So about Orlando?"
Nothing phased Anna for long, and here was something she cared about.
"So I thought maybe you could talk to him? Help him - give him a bit of an ear and shoulder, you know. He needs someone, and I don’t think it’s me. Look, just have a bash at it, okay. You’ll know what to say."
"I’m not sure that I can..." How could I do that and resist the temptation? This was like putting a baby into a tiger’s cage so the tiger could keep it safe. But how could I say no?
"Oh, please, Viggo. He really has nobody. His parents will be shitting bricks about it - in fact I don’t know how he’ll tell them, or even if he will. But he does need someone. Look, maybe I could ask Karl."
"No!" Not on your life. If I was a tiger, Karl was a fucking man-eater. And anyway, this was my responsibility. Maybe I could use this opportunity to strengthen the friendship. Maybe the role of mentor would underline in my mind the way the relationship ought to be. Maybe if I acted the part, I could come to believe it. "No, I’ll do it. Just let me think about it."
"You’ll come up with the goodies, Viggo. I trust you."
The thunderstorm seemed to be passing. The lightning and thunder were further apart, but the rain lashed down mercilessly outside. I smiled at her to cover the overwhelming wave of guilt I was feeling. Trust me? Not if she knew what my real feelings for him were, she wouldn’t. Here was an open invitation to spend time with Orlando - and I was going to do it. I was. And I would do it professionally and properly - live up to Anna’s expectations. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"What’s up, Viggo? You okay?"
"Sure." I grinned at her. This evening was supposed to be for her, wasn’t it? How had it come to be about me? Her lop-sided grin brought me back to the task at hand – cheering up my friend. "I was just thinking. Here I am having dinner with a beautiful woman, and she tells me she has discovered my darkest secrets…"
"Oh, God, I’m sorry Viggo. I made a right arse of myself, didn’t I?” I loved this self-deprecating humour. “And I swear I won’t let on. It’s just that I had this wasp up my butt about Orlando. Actually, I kind of hoped that I was off the track in a lot of ways." I grinned further.
"Why is that, Anna?’
"Stop it, Viggo! You know very well what I’m on about..."
"Do I? I’m not sure I do." I was enjoying this now. And she was grinning too, responding to the teasing in the way I knew she would.
"You’re a bastard!"
"Come on, let’s dance!" I held out my hand and stood up. She looked confused.
"Dance? You want to dance?"
"Don’t you know all gay men love to dance?"
Anna laughed, and we danced to the second rate band and the interminable beat of the rain. She was great company, relaxed and friendly, now she didn’t feel that she had to play a role. After all, I was gay - and she was safe. She was herself, and I liked that person more than ever. She had a sharp wit, a sparkling intelligence, and she opened up to my questions about her life. I heard about her failed marriage, her struggles to bring up two children on her own and still make something of her career. She told me how she had stopped Danielle going to Colin’s party the day before, and Danielle had sworn to pay her back. Poor Anna. I understood insecurity.
We drove home in near silence - Anna was wrapped in her thoughts, and I was concentrating on the driving. The interminable sheets of water flooded the windshield between each fast sweep of the wipers. I squinted my eyes to distinguish car headlights, slowing down to nearly walking pace as I tried to identify street signs and find the right turn-off. Like a beacon in the darkness, the green lights of the pub sign told me I was nearly at the right street. Tears of green light trickled down the windshield. Finally I pulled up outside the house. It was nearly midnight. The rain was streaming down the windows and the car was getting all foggy inside. Neither of us felt like saying goodbye. So I told her a bit about David, how he had died, how I was trying to get over him. She even cried for me a little, showing the incredible depth of her compassion.
"Oh, Viggo. I’m so sorry. I just want to hug you."
"Come on then." And she hugged, and I hugged back, stroking away her pain and loneliness. I felt like I had when I was making out with the girls when I was a teenager. And I breathed in her perfume, and her body felt soft and strange beneath my fingers, exotic and sensuous. Not at all like the satin and steel I usually craved. But almost without my volition, my fingers were in her hair, my mouth searching for hers. And she responded. Of course she did. And my body remembered the old dance.
I made a space between my lips and hers.
"I’m not sure this is a good idea." But I didn’t move any further away.
She kissed me again.
"Have you ever...?" She meant with a woman. I knew that.
"Not for a long time." Not since David transformed my closeted little world.
"Do you want to?" Her whispered question drifted between us in the wet heat of the car. Did I?
"Do you?" I left the decision to her.
"Bloody oath! I think maybe we both need this." And I think maybe I agreed with her. And in her arms I could truly forget for a few minutes both David and Orlando. I could pretend my life had turned out differently. There were tiny tendrils of thought that threatened to creep in, tiny trickles of guilt, but I refused to allow them access. For the next hour or so I was not going to think about anything.
We dashed through the rain, laughing, and crept inside, and I felt like an adolescent again as we tiptoed past Danielle’s room. Kevin was at a mate’s place, but Anna didn’t want to wake Danielle. And nor did I. We were both stifling muffled laughter at the incongruity of the situation as Anna finally closed the bedroom door behind her and toed off her wet shoes.
"Shhh!" She strangled her mirth and I sat on the bed and opened my arms to her, and she pounced. It was fun and laughter and joy and full of play. She teased me and made it easy. And when I held her afterwards and cried, and I don’t think I can explain why that was, she held me and told me that it was okay, and she understood. And she did. And when I thanked her, she knew what I meant then, too.
"Thank you, Viggo," she whispered. And we both knew that we had helped each other, and that it wouldn’t happen again. She watched me dress, then put on her robe to see me to the door. I didn’t want to stay, and she didn’t offer. And when we kissed goodbye - a warm, friendly sort of kiss, she thanked me again. The rain had eased, and I drove home, returning to my own type of loneliness, and leaving her to hers. I refused to analyse what I had done or why. Why shouldn’t I have done it? Who cares what David or Orlando or Karl or Sean would have to say about it? They didn’t understand what I was going through. I was not going to allow myself to wallow in pain, to feel guilt. There would be plenty of time for self-flagellation in the morning, I thought. But not now.
How was I to know the horrors that the morning would bring?
no subject
*big hugs*
And post it somewhere else as well - can't hurt!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
What's wrong?
Just like the little hetero tumble Viggo takes in this chapter - now there's something that stretches the creditability factor for me a little bit. I've got some lovely gay friends and I know they'd never bed me. (Hm...maybe it's just me that's the problem??? Naw. Don't think so.) I find Viggo sleeping with Anna sightly squicky, 'cause I'm so partial to slash. However, I'm okay with it because you omitted all the details.
My only true compliant is this cliff I'm left dangling from at the end of the chapter. This one definitely has a foreboding last line!
The thing I might hope for is to satisfy my curiosity about what's going on in Orli's pretty little head someway, even though I know it's all from Viggo's POV. A real conversation, perhaps? I'm sure it's coming; I'm just getting impatient.
Anyway, please keep it coming. I think you're doing a great job.
Re: What's wrong?
no subject
I hope you write more! :)
no subject