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fellowshippers2005-03-23 10:53 pm
saklani2.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2005-03-23 10:53 pm
NEW: Always Darkest 4/30 (Viggo/Elijah, some Astin/Elijah) [NC-17]
Title: Always Darkest
Author: Saklani (saklani@wildmail.com) and Wushu
Codes: Viggo/Elijah, some Astin/Lij RPS
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own these men, or anything else I mention here. I am not looking to make money from this... God forbid. And I am NOT them nor is what I put down here real. Thank you.
Summary: Elijah and Sean Astin share one night and then must deal with the consequences.
Author's Notes: This is one of a multitude of long, complex fictions that Wushu and I have been writing together. Basically, this is unbetaed as neither of us have time to beta this one and our regular beta readers want to kill us. We have four other fictions with them, so this one has to go out raw. We apologize for any errors, of which there are probably quite a few. Please ignore them!
After the tenth or so set of hugs between hobbits and elves, Viggo finally dragged himself, his carry-on and Elijah with his carry ons through Security and toward their plane. "You do realize we now have ten minutes to make it to the gate, right?"
Elijah smiled and strolled down the airport hall at a comfortable rate, adding, "And we are the stars of NZ's most successful movie ever... trust me when I say, the plane will not take off without us."
"I don't want other people to have to wait for us," Viggo said in his quietest voice, the one that indicated utter seriousness. "I used to sneer at actors who paid no mind to others because of their fame. I do not want to become one."
"It's not a matter of paying other's no mind Vig, we are five minuets away, we are in first class, and we had a lot of people to say goodbye to... This isn't like LA you know... with miles to walk to get to our departure gate." Elijah smiled at Viggo a little, patting his hand, "Relax, we will get there for the final boarding call, that's not being rude." And to make Viggo relax a little Elijah sped up.
Viggo grumbled at him under his breath, saying things about insolent little hobbits and taking them over his knee that Elijah could not quite make out. Instead, he directed all his attention on the plane crew, charming them with a dazzling smile and murmured apology for almost missing the last call. Stowing his gear, Viggo grabbed the window seat, peering out at New Zealand and suddenly feeling his heart lurch in sorrow.
As if sensing Viggo's sudden feelings Elijah reached over and took Viggo's hand, not saying anything, just stroking the palm lightly with soft finger tips.
Viggo turned toward him and curled his strong fingers around Elijah's hand in silent thanks. He looked back out, thinking of the many times he took this flight. The first one in, when he took over Stuart's role and made Aragorn his own. The time he and Orlando flew back together, joining the mile high club on the way. Henry's excited journey back with him from a visit. And now, the last time, he and Elijah going home.
Elijah was lost in his own thoughts about the many times he had flown into NZ over the last few years, realizing that there would be only one more time for this movie, when he came for the premier of Return in Wellington. Then it would all be over, oh there were more premiers, and they were sure to get a few nods from the academy, but... it was the end. The though was incredibly sad and he lay his forehead on Viggo's shoulder, closing his eyes on the pain.
Turning his head away from the scenery that now began to roll by as the plane took off, Viggo kissed the top of Elijah's head. "Its just a new beginning, Elijah," he whispered. "A new beginning."
"But new beginnings mean that something is ending." Elijah sighs deeply, not moving until the seat belt light went off. When it did Elijah lifted away the arm between their seats and snuggled into Viggo's side.
Viggo wrapped his arm over Elijah, the movement already a comforting habit. He watched the ground sail away from them, before turning to rest his chin in Elijah's hair. "I know, Elijah. I know."
Elijah wrinkles his nose, "Sorry... I shall try and cultivate a better mood."
Viggo just pulled him in tighter, indicating he did not mind. "I am sure the plane food will cheer you right up."
Elijah laughed and shook his head, "I don't eat plane food, why do you think I packed us lunch boxes?"
"You did? I guess I didn't notice," Viggo confessed. "I was a little preoccupied with the sudden discovery that I had three new canvases to stuff in somewhere." He laughed at his own folly,
"And you were only here for a few weeks..." Elijah shook his head, "But Fran promised to get them to you in good order."
"I have a lot of ruined ones to make up for." The seat groaned as he tried to shift it into amore comfortable position. "So, want to get some more sleep or talk awhile?"
"I... I'm afraid that all the conversations we have at the moment seem to come back to Sean... and... I... I don't want to talk about him at the moment." Nibbling his lip for a little while Elijah asked, "Tell me how Henry is? And will he be at the ranch?"
"He's with his mother for awhile yet. I thought the time alone on the ranch might be good for us both. I hope you agree." Viggo smiled at the stewardess currently coming around to take drink orders.
"Alone time is good... but... I don't want to cut into the time you and Henry have, so please, don't hesitate to have him come is he wants to... Please? I wouldn't mind seeing him myself."
"You worry too much, Elijah," Viggo said soothingly. "I'll ask him to come on down in a bit, I promise. He sees his mother far less than me, anymore."
"Ok... I just... I know how close the two of you are. I'd rather worry too much, then cause problems for you with him."
A gentle finger traces the bags under Elijah's eyes. "Tell me, how long did you go without sleep before you came to me?"
"A... A while." Elijah tried to remember before shaking his head, "The night y'all had that night shoot? That's when..." He honestly couldn't remember how many days ago that was.
"That was almost two weeks before you came to me," Viggo whispered. He cradled Elijah closer, understanding now why the man looked so dead to the world. "When we get back, I am putting you to bed for a week.'
"Two weeks? It seems... it's all blurred, into one long day." He sighed, "The girls thought I'd just been to make up already."
"In that sense, you got lucky. Your looking exhausted just matched Frodo." Viggo marveled at the strength of the young actor, pulling off two weeks of work with no sleep.
"I think I may have passed out a time or two to be totally honest, but..." He shrugged, "I don't remember sleeping." He sighed, "At least I'm honestly tired."
"That's a step in the right direction," Viggo agrees. He takes the soda the stewardess gives him and then asks, "Sure you don't want a drink, Elijah?"
"Um... maybe some lemonade? I don't want anything with Caffeine, having enough problems sleeping." He smiled at Viggo a little bashfully.
Viggo nods at the stewardess, who hurries off to fetch some lemonade for Elijah. "What did you pack for us to eat?'
"A bunch of snack type foods, um... several pieces of fruit, sandwiches... we have a cold chicken salad for main meal, it's in a cold pack, relax... um... a few other bits and pieces?"
"Who's not relaxed?" Viggo asked with a slightly hurt expression at Elijah. "I trust you... mostly."
"Mostly?" Elijah's own expression was of hurt now.
"Who was the one who left the milk out in the sun and the tried to drink it anyway?" Viggo reminds him gently, but soothes the hurt with a hug. He realized the hugging felt more comfortable every time.
"I was just wondering what it would taste like... I knew it was bad Viggo! And anyway, that was years ago... during primary shooting."
"When you were just a little boy," Viggo agreed. His mouth tried to remain serious, but quirked upward into a large grin.
Elijah's grin matched Viggo's and he pressed a kiss to Viggo's cheek, "You're good for me."
"I want to be," Viggo said with a sincerity that startled even him. "I mean... it's nice to be able to help, for awhile, I was the one who needed all the comforting."
"It's nice sometimes to be able to give back, even if you aren't 100 percent. Taking the... focused off your own troubles is relaxing sometimes." Elijah looked up when his drink came, smiling, "Thanks." And then he snuggled into Viggo's side, just as it was announced that the flight movie was Fellowship of the Ring.
"IT will never be done, Elijah," Viggo said with a small laugh at the announcement. "We shall be the LOTR actors until we all die."
"Is that really such a bad thing?" He giggled, "Have you heard about the Air New Zealand planes?"
"I've even seen one," Viggo said with a shudder. "My head going by on a plane is not a good thing."
Elijah nodded several times quickly, "It's kinda... I mean in the cinema is bad enough... but now? My face on a plane is just... too much?" He sighs, then said suddenly, "I think I will watch the movie, I haven't seen it since the last premier!!!"
"I did not even watch it then, except for the scenes I wasn't in," Viggo said with a chuckle. "I guess I might be fun to see now. Especially since I can razz everyone this time. "
"Hey Vig? Why aren't you doing the commentaries??" Elijah had been meaning to ask for ages, but never gotten around to it.
"Because I don't think most people would appreciate some of my backstage commentary. Think of bean's face when I told them about the little kiss and snuggle with orcs!"
"Sometimes you and Dom are way too alike... Mr. I Like Bearded Women." And Elijah dissolved into giggles.
"Dom likes bearded ladies?" Viggo asked with a truly curious expression. "Is that why he groped me once? He thought I was his girlfriend?"
"You! You're the one who dated one of the Rohan bearded ladies!! Not Dommie..." Elijah giggles, "You just both like telling tales outta school."
"That's why we're such great mates... who play horrible tricks on each other," Viggo said with a wicked grin. "And yes, telling tales is a bad habit of mine sometimes."
"So do you reckon pipe weed is really weed?" Elijah giggled at Viggo's grin.
"It explains a lot of things about hobbits," Viggo said with a very wise expression.
"And rangers, and dwarfs... and wizards!!" Elijah snickered before pressing his face to Viggo's shoulder and confessed, "I was going to try quitting... but... but I've been so stressed I've been smoking worse than ever."
"Maybe I can help you now," Viggo said. "I know how to handle your hyper, I'm dying for a smoke right now moods."
"And how do you do that Viggy?"
"I tickle you until you can't move," Viggo said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"You are a very bad man."
"Why thank you." Viggo preened obviously at what he took to be a compliment.
"You are welcome," And Elijah meant it, having meant the words as one.
Settling back, Viggo handed Elijah his earphones, so they could both watch the movie. After a few moments, he began to laugh and mumbles things to Elijah about the scenes.
Elijah was watching the movie with the earphones half of his ears so he could hear Viggo and he spent much of the time giggling and snickering, until he suddenly fell asleep in the middle of the mines of Moria.
Viggo cradled Elijah gently to him and removed his earphones. He kissed the top of his forehead, not noticing the way the stewardess smiled at them. Taking off his own set of earphones, he snuggled back in his seat and tried to let the gentle rhythm of the plane lull him to sleep.
***********************
Waking with a start, Viggo realized he and Elijah were half entwined in each other's arms. He grinned a little at the thought of the possible headlines in tomorrow's National Enquirer. Disentangling himself gently, he went to the necessary and then walked around to stretch his legs a little.
A few moments after Viggo left Elijah woke with a start, sitting up and looking around. When he spotted Viggo coming out of the toilet he sighed and relaxed against the seat, looking out the window at the darkness. "Nobody's there." He sighed to himself before getting up and retreating to the bathroom himself.
Viggo stopped beside their seats, stretching and yawning a little. His stomach rumbled at him, reminding him that he missed dinner. He waited for Elijah to return, walking a little more on his stiff legs.
Elijah stepped out of the bathroom with wet hair and looking much more relaxed, looking around for Viggo as he stretched high, his shirt lifting and showing off a pail navel for just a moment before Elijah headed back to their seats.
"Want to unpack that food?" Viggo asked, unable to help pinching his ticklish belly, where the skin still showed a little.
Elijah danced back and swatted at Viggo's hand, "Don't!" Shaking his head Elijah reached into the overhead compartment, once again showing that pale skin as he took down their dinner, "Hungry Vig?"
"Very," Viggo said with that little wolfish that used to scare Bean because he knew some dastardly deed followed after. His quick fingers streak like ten guided missiles over Elijah's bared flesh again.
Elijah squeals, dropping the cool bag onto the seat and batting at Viggo's hands, "Don't!!! Other people are trying to sleep and such!!!" Elijah looked around, trying to see if they had bothered anyone.
Viggo choked on a peal of laughter at the cute and scrunched look on Elijah's face. The other hobbits teased the youngest member mercilessly about his high-pitched squeal, but Viggo thought them a perfect match to his sweet angel face and dirty mouth. "Aww, its only a bit of fun, little hobbit."
Elijah stuck his tongue out at Viggo, "Just for that I shouldn't let you have any of my food." but his expression and tone was completely joking as Elijah scooted into the window seat and pulled both their trays out and started pulling food out. They each got a hobbit-sized server of chicken salad in a Tupperware container, some buttered bread and a tube of dressing for the salad. Elijah had even remembered silverware, although it was plastic wear, and he had packed desert, but that was for later, "Vig? Wanna arrange something for us to drink please?"
Viggo trooped up to the front, wearing his most ingratiating smile, the one that he could get Orlando to cum to without even saying a word. In about five minutes, he returned with his arms laden with beverages of all sorts, including a few illicit alcoholic bottles. Setting them all down in a heap on the seat, Viggo stared down at them with a goofy smile. "The nice ladies said if I ever went up they're looking like that again, I may not return in one piece."
Elijah's laughter rang out again and he shook his head, making himself a vodka and lemonade, smiling at Viggo, "Sounds like you've been naughty..." He laughed again and gestured at the container on Viggo's tray, "Try it? You'll want dressing."
Viggo looked back down at the seat still full of drink containers. Reasoning that this may not have been the most brilliant plan in the world, he selected a dressing and began to eat standing up. He knew the nice stewardesses would not tell him to sit down, as he could feel their eyes taking in his ass, as they peered around the corner of their partition. Feeling fair was fair, he did a few shakes just to catch the drift of their giggles.
Elijah rolled his eyes at Viggo and swept all the drinks into the container he had taken their dinner from, "Sit down Viggo and stop flirting with your behind!"
With a little grin at Elijah, Viggo slid into the seat and picked out a Coke for himself. "Just letting them have a bit of fun for being so kind," he said with utmost innocence. "This food is really good." He ate like a man on a mission, making sure no bit of food got left behind. "I might have to hire you to make lunch while you live with me."
Elijah laughed softly, but hard enough that he had to stop eating for a while. When his salad was about half finished he offered the rest to Viggo, brow raised questioningly.
Viggo did not say no, grabbing the salad and polishing it off with flair. "I loved Orlando, but after I stopped living with the man, I rediscovered food. He's got a rabbit's dietary habits... and I tried to be a rabbit for him, I really did. But my stomach is more than glad to have stopped that idea."
Elijah snickered and shook his head, "Well... that's the only way he has to keep his girlish figure."
Viggo paused for a long moment, fingers in pause just above his tray table. "No, its not... you have no idea."
"I'm sorry." Elijah's apology was instinctive as Viggo's stillness registered, "I was just joking." He watched Viggo, going still himself, hoping he hadn't upset the older man.
Shaking his head, Viggo set his hands in his lap, curling them together. "I brought up the subject... and it's interesting for me to find that I can talk about him now with no real pain. You see, I thought he and I were forever... I even went so far as to looking into commitment ceremonies... he was my world."
"Oh Vig." Elijah reaches over to put his hand over Viggo's squeezing lightly, he didn't know what to say to help so he just kept silent for a moment, letting Viggo speak if he wanted to.
"I guess... I guess I am telling you this for a lot of reasons," Viggo said after a slight silence. "First, because I never told anyone before, even Bean. And second, because I know there will be times in the coming days when you feel like the fucking world should just end now and let you be at peace. You will want to do terrible, stupid things... may even do a few of them... like wrecking all your paintings. But you keep getting up in the morning and just doing stuff. Not important stuff, a lot of the time, but stuff that you want- need to do. And then one day, you wake up and the pain no longer greets you the way it did anymore. You can tell other people about what happened without wanting to scream anymore. You can tell them about the little ring you bought with the words The Long Run' engraved inside. You can talk about the nights cuddles up next to the fire, talking lazily about the future while you kissed and touched. You can talk about the day your forever walks in to the room, just the same as ever, and tells you that you're not as important to him as you thought. You're just... not."
Elijah didn't, couldn't say anything, for any of the well meant words that sprung to his lips smacked of platitudes and lessened what Viggo hand said, so he simply wrapped his arms around Viggo, pulling him close in a very caring embrace and pressed a kiss to Viggo's forehead as Viggo had his own. It was several minuets later when Elijah finally spoke, and he hoped his words didn't sound stupid, "I am very sorry Vig, that you have had to feel that pain, but I am honoured that you felt sure enough of me that you can tell me about it. And knowing that you have lived through it, gives me more hope than I can say, that I will too. Thank you."
Holding him, Viggo touched his cheek with the fingers of his right hand. "I want that to be true, Elijah. No matter, I am here for you and hope you will stay with me for as long as you need. Be that a day, a month, a year... many years. And someday, I hope you will tell me everything, too."
"I don't know if there is really any more to tell Viggo, that you do not already know." Sighing softly Elijah rested against Viggo for long moments, thinking about the first time he'd met Sean. Sean had already started putting on weight for Sam, but... it was like a fire down his body. They had met in the middle of that lobby and had had to touch, so they embraced. And so had started a legend. The hugs had been enough for a long while, it hadn't been until after his birthday in 2000 that Elijah had admitted to himself, what he felt for Sean wasn't platonic love. The next day when he looked into Sean's eyes, he'd realized that Sean wasn't feeling platonic either. It had become their secret, their truth to never be spoken, a love, as Lord Alfred had said, that dare no speak its name. Sighing Elijah whispered softly, quoting "'Then sighing, said the other, 'Have thy will, I am the love that dare not speak its name.'"
"Why did you decide to break that unspoken love?" Viggo asked, stroking Elijah's hair. He did not make the words a demand, something Elijah had to answer right that moment. Instead, he spoke gently, compassionately, putting forward the question as something that might be answered if wanted.
"I was going crazy," Elijah sighs softly and shakes his head a little, not able to verbalize it further, not yet at least.
"That's how I felt about Orlando sometimes, when we were no longer together. Like I was going to go crazy if I could not touch him, have him near me." He made a little sigh at the memory of himself.
Elijah nodded a few times, understand exactly what Viggo meant, all the while wishing neither of them did.
"Let's try to get some more sleep," Viggo said. He reached out and grabbed Elijah a couple of the airlines sorry pillows, tucking them under his head. Grabbing one for himself, he curled them back together into a hug. "Want me to sing?"
"Please?" Elijah snuggled into Viggo, closing his eyes and whispering again, "That dare not speak its name."
"What would you like me to sing?" Viggo asked, thinking for the millionth time of the insensibility of love, how it ignored reason and propriety and developed wherever it pleased.
"Red river... normally." The request was a soft whisper.
"Ah," Viggo replied with the barest hint of a chuckle at the normal request. "Come and sit by my side, if you love me, do not hasten to bid me adieu, but remember the red river valley and the cowboy that loves you so true..." Viggo's soft, rough voice sang the lyrics directly into Elijah's ear, caressing it with soothing sounds. "From this valley, they say you are leaving, I will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile... for they say you are taking the sunshine, that brightened our pathways awhile." He watches Elijah for signs of sleep.
Elijah's breath deepens as he listens to the soothing voice, eventually drifting into a light sleep, full of warm rich valleys, green with grass and love.
Viggo sang the song to the end, even after Elijah drifted off to sleep. One of the stewardesses surprised him when she suddenly appeared by his side with a blanket for Elijah. "It seems, for all your flirting," she said in a soft, nonjudgmental voice, "you're already taken."
She walked off well before Viggo recovered from the slight shock of discovering her words might not be so far off the mark.
Elijah only dozed for about two hours, slept out, although he could still feel tiredness deep in his bones, his eyes fluttering open, a slight frown marring his brow as he tried to recognize the feeling stirring in his middle.
Beside him, Viggo slept on, his head leaning against Elijah's comfortably. Every few moments, he mumbles something, usually elvish.
It took Elijah several more minuets to work it out, but when he did he laughed out loud, a happy and normal sound. He was hungry!! For the first time since he had decided to go ahead with asking Sean, he was hungry!! "Good sign!"
The laugh disturbed Viggo slightly, causing him to shift away from Elijah a little. "Not right now, Orlando," he said very distinctly.
Elijah jerked a little at Viggo's words before he could control himself, his smile fading into a faint frown before he pushed the expression away, wondering why he didn't like being called Orli as much as he did. Pushing that thought away too Elijah moved slowly away from Viggo until he was standing in the aisle.
The movement disturbed the last of Viggo's sleep, and he opened his eyes slowly. He blinked a few times rather comically, trying to remember where they were. Seeing the seat next to him empty, he turned to find Elijah in the aisle. "All right?" he mumbled in a sleep sweet voice.
Elijah smiled at Viggo, "I am yes, I think. Cause... well I'm hungry! I... I haven't been hungry for ages!!!!" His smile became wider as he started to think about this wonderful development again.
"That must have been bad," Viggo said with graveness only possible while half-asleep. "Imagine you not eating."
Elijah stuck his tongue out at Viggo, but he was very pleased at his own giggle, getting the bag of food and pulling out two more Tupperware containers, smaller than the ones that had held there salad, but not small, passing one and a spoon to Viggo while he sat again, waiting for Viggo's opinion of the chocolate mousse found within.
"Oooh, yummies," Viggo said in a childish tone of delight. He dove right into the extra sweet blend, not pausing for breath until the entire Tupperware possessed not a single speck left.
Elijah laughed, eating slower, letting himself enjoy the rich sweet desert, smiling at Viggo between mouthfuls, "So you approve of the catering?"
I award them top marks for desserts," Viggo said happily, eyeing the remains of Elijah's with a feral expression.
Elijah just laughed and handed his over, "With compliments of the management. I'll make more when we get to the ranch if you want?"
"You made this?" Viggo asked, impressed. "I could never get the blend right with mousse. You must show me your secrets, oh great Mousse Master."
"It all depends on the quality of the chocolate Vig... I'll be happy to show you." Elijah smiled, rather pleased with the chance to show Viggo how, to pay him back even in such a small way.
"Are you saying, I choose poor quality chocolate?" Viggo asked with a mock growl.
"No... That you are probably using too good a quality chocolate... mousse should be made with cooking chocolate." Elijah smiled as he put their empty containers into the bag and put it into the overhead container.
Viggo just watched him with a small smile at seeing the happiness in his face, He chided himself, as he had since Elijah told him everything, for not recognizing the strain on the man before. True, Elijah possessed formidable acting ability, but Viggo thought- knew- that if he had paid that little extra attention, he could have offered support before now. "You smile like a geek."
"I am a geek Vig, so it makes sense that I should smile like one." His grin never faltered, "If you didn't realize that before now my good friend, and King, then you have not been paying attention!" In the last few words Elijah's tone became that of a mildly scolding teacher to an inattentive student.
"I did," Viggo said, his own voice warm and soft, "but when you play Frodo, they pretty you up. They make your face softer, your hair fluffy and your eyes even larger than they are. Frodo is some priceless work of art that everyone admires from afar and fears to touch. You're a real person, not lovely, but touchable."
Elijah was torn between responding flippantly or seriously, before deciding that serious was more important, "Touchable is good you know. Too... too often I feel untouchable, unlovable... unwanted." He sighs, voice soft as he speaks, "I fell in love, and was lucky enough to have that person fall in love with me back, and still... I didn't... I didn't get him. I lost. And I totally understand why, I don't even want Sean to leave Chris for me, well a part of me does." He sighed and shook his head, "But that's the selfish part, the rest of me knows I would not make him that happy. And I want him to be happy more than anything, but... I can't help wanting to be happy to Vig." Elijah looked down at his hands as the words continued to pour out of him, "Sometimes, since we all left NZ, I... a lot since we left, I feel so lonely, I am so lonely."
Without thought, Viggo took Elijah by the hand and pulled him into a hug. In fact, he practically sprawled Elijah over his lap, despite a slight frown from one of the flight attendants. "Its not selfish to want to be happy, Elijah."
"I don't think it is, but to be happy at someone else's expense, the expense of the person you love? That would be." He pressed his face into Viggo's shoulder, trying to control the sudden welling tears, not wanting to break down in a public place, knowing that their actions so far were likely to get them into trouble with the press, and New Line.
An approaching stewardess veered off when she saw how Viggo cradled Elijah, signaling the others to let their rather famous guests alone for the moment. Paying close attention to the distraught man, Viggo barely had a chance to give her a smile of thanks. "You're not like that, Elijah. You proved that by not fighting for Sean. You've tried everything you can to not mess up his life. You're willing to let yourself suffer instead."
With a voice heavy with unshed tears, shuddering with broken breaths Elijah confessed, "So many times I've just wanted to say fuck it all... and go after him. Viggo I almost did." Elijah's shaking grew more, and he pressed closer and closer to Viggo, as if trying to climb into Viggo's skin, "Oh my god... I've fucked it all up, all of it. Sean's never going to forgive himself... or me... oh my god, oh my god..." The tears, no matter how hard he tried to control, were now only moments away.
"It will be all right again, Elijah... just hang on to me and you'll see."
Author: Saklani (saklani@wildmail.com) and Wushu
Codes: Viggo/Elijah, some Astin/Lij RPS
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own these men, or anything else I mention here. I am not looking to make money from this... God forbid. And I am NOT them nor is what I put down here real. Thank you.
Summary: Elijah and Sean Astin share one night and then must deal with the consequences.
Author's Notes: This is one of a multitude of long, complex fictions that Wushu and I have been writing together. Basically, this is unbetaed as neither of us have time to beta this one and our regular beta readers want to kill us. We have four other fictions with them, so this one has to go out raw. We apologize for any errors, of which there are probably quite a few. Please ignore them!
After the tenth or so set of hugs between hobbits and elves, Viggo finally dragged himself, his carry-on and Elijah with his carry ons through Security and toward their plane. "You do realize we now have ten minutes to make it to the gate, right?"
Elijah smiled and strolled down the airport hall at a comfortable rate, adding, "And we are the stars of NZ's most successful movie ever... trust me when I say, the plane will not take off without us."
"I don't want other people to have to wait for us," Viggo said in his quietest voice, the one that indicated utter seriousness. "I used to sneer at actors who paid no mind to others because of their fame. I do not want to become one."
"It's not a matter of paying other's no mind Vig, we are five minuets away, we are in first class, and we had a lot of people to say goodbye to... This isn't like LA you know... with miles to walk to get to our departure gate." Elijah smiled at Viggo a little, patting his hand, "Relax, we will get there for the final boarding call, that's not being rude." And to make Viggo relax a little Elijah sped up.
Viggo grumbled at him under his breath, saying things about insolent little hobbits and taking them over his knee that Elijah could not quite make out. Instead, he directed all his attention on the plane crew, charming them with a dazzling smile and murmured apology for almost missing the last call. Stowing his gear, Viggo grabbed the window seat, peering out at New Zealand and suddenly feeling his heart lurch in sorrow.
As if sensing Viggo's sudden feelings Elijah reached over and took Viggo's hand, not saying anything, just stroking the palm lightly with soft finger tips.
Viggo turned toward him and curled his strong fingers around Elijah's hand in silent thanks. He looked back out, thinking of the many times he took this flight. The first one in, when he took over Stuart's role and made Aragorn his own. The time he and Orlando flew back together, joining the mile high club on the way. Henry's excited journey back with him from a visit. And now, the last time, he and Elijah going home.
Elijah was lost in his own thoughts about the many times he had flown into NZ over the last few years, realizing that there would be only one more time for this movie, when he came for the premier of Return in Wellington. Then it would all be over, oh there were more premiers, and they were sure to get a few nods from the academy, but... it was the end. The though was incredibly sad and he lay his forehead on Viggo's shoulder, closing his eyes on the pain.
Turning his head away from the scenery that now began to roll by as the plane took off, Viggo kissed the top of Elijah's head. "Its just a new beginning, Elijah," he whispered. "A new beginning."
"But new beginnings mean that something is ending." Elijah sighs deeply, not moving until the seat belt light went off. When it did Elijah lifted away the arm between their seats and snuggled into Viggo's side.
Viggo wrapped his arm over Elijah, the movement already a comforting habit. He watched the ground sail away from them, before turning to rest his chin in Elijah's hair. "I know, Elijah. I know."
Elijah wrinkles his nose, "Sorry... I shall try and cultivate a better mood."
Viggo just pulled him in tighter, indicating he did not mind. "I am sure the plane food will cheer you right up."
Elijah laughed and shook his head, "I don't eat plane food, why do you think I packed us lunch boxes?"
"You did? I guess I didn't notice," Viggo confessed. "I was a little preoccupied with the sudden discovery that I had three new canvases to stuff in somewhere." He laughed at his own folly,
"And you were only here for a few weeks..." Elijah shook his head, "But Fran promised to get them to you in good order."
"I have a lot of ruined ones to make up for." The seat groaned as he tried to shift it into amore comfortable position. "So, want to get some more sleep or talk awhile?"
"I... I'm afraid that all the conversations we have at the moment seem to come back to Sean... and... I... I don't want to talk about him at the moment." Nibbling his lip for a little while Elijah asked, "Tell me how Henry is? And will he be at the ranch?"
"He's with his mother for awhile yet. I thought the time alone on the ranch might be good for us both. I hope you agree." Viggo smiled at the stewardess currently coming around to take drink orders.
"Alone time is good... but... I don't want to cut into the time you and Henry have, so please, don't hesitate to have him come is he wants to... Please? I wouldn't mind seeing him myself."
"You worry too much, Elijah," Viggo said soothingly. "I'll ask him to come on down in a bit, I promise. He sees his mother far less than me, anymore."
"Ok... I just... I know how close the two of you are. I'd rather worry too much, then cause problems for you with him."
A gentle finger traces the bags under Elijah's eyes. "Tell me, how long did you go without sleep before you came to me?"
"A... A while." Elijah tried to remember before shaking his head, "The night y'all had that night shoot? That's when..." He honestly couldn't remember how many days ago that was.
"That was almost two weeks before you came to me," Viggo whispered. He cradled Elijah closer, understanding now why the man looked so dead to the world. "When we get back, I am putting you to bed for a week.'
"Two weeks? It seems... it's all blurred, into one long day." He sighed, "The girls thought I'd just been to make up already."
"In that sense, you got lucky. Your looking exhausted just matched Frodo." Viggo marveled at the strength of the young actor, pulling off two weeks of work with no sleep.
"I think I may have passed out a time or two to be totally honest, but..." He shrugged, "I don't remember sleeping." He sighed, "At least I'm honestly tired."
"That's a step in the right direction," Viggo agrees. He takes the soda the stewardess gives him and then asks, "Sure you don't want a drink, Elijah?"
"Um... maybe some lemonade? I don't want anything with Caffeine, having enough problems sleeping." He smiled at Viggo a little bashfully.
Viggo nods at the stewardess, who hurries off to fetch some lemonade for Elijah. "What did you pack for us to eat?'
"A bunch of snack type foods, um... several pieces of fruit, sandwiches... we have a cold chicken salad for main meal, it's in a cold pack, relax... um... a few other bits and pieces?"
"Who's not relaxed?" Viggo asked with a slightly hurt expression at Elijah. "I trust you... mostly."
"Mostly?" Elijah's own expression was of hurt now.
"Who was the one who left the milk out in the sun and the tried to drink it anyway?" Viggo reminds him gently, but soothes the hurt with a hug. He realized the hugging felt more comfortable every time.
"I was just wondering what it would taste like... I knew it was bad Viggo! And anyway, that was years ago... during primary shooting."
"When you were just a little boy," Viggo agreed. His mouth tried to remain serious, but quirked upward into a large grin.
Elijah's grin matched Viggo's and he pressed a kiss to Viggo's cheek, "You're good for me."
"I want to be," Viggo said with a sincerity that startled even him. "I mean... it's nice to be able to help, for awhile, I was the one who needed all the comforting."
"It's nice sometimes to be able to give back, even if you aren't 100 percent. Taking the... focused off your own troubles is relaxing sometimes." Elijah looked up when his drink came, smiling, "Thanks." And then he snuggled into Viggo's side, just as it was announced that the flight movie was Fellowship of the Ring.
"IT will never be done, Elijah," Viggo said with a small laugh at the announcement. "We shall be the LOTR actors until we all die."
"Is that really such a bad thing?" He giggled, "Have you heard about the Air New Zealand planes?"
"I've even seen one," Viggo said with a shudder. "My head going by on a plane is not a good thing."
Elijah nodded several times quickly, "It's kinda... I mean in the cinema is bad enough... but now? My face on a plane is just... too much?" He sighs, then said suddenly, "I think I will watch the movie, I haven't seen it since the last premier!!!"
"I did not even watch it then, except for the scenes I wasn't in," Viggo said with a chuckle. "I guess I might be fun to see now. Especially since I can razz everyone this time. "
"Hey Vig? Why aren't you doing the commentaries??" Elijah had been meaning to ask for ages, but never gotten around to it.
"Because I don't think most people would appreciate some of my backstage commentary. Think of bean's face when I told them about the little kiss and snuggle with orcs!"
"Sometimes you and Dom are way too alike... Mr. I Like Bearded Women." And Elijah dissolved into giggles.
"Dom likes bearded ladies?" Viggo asked with a truly curious expression. "Is that why he groped me once? He thought I was his girlfriend?"
"You! You're the one who dated one of the Rohan bearded ladies!! Not Dommie..." Elijah giggles, "You just both like telling tales outta school."
"That's why we're such great mates... who play horrible tricks on each other," Viggo said with a wicked grin. "And yes, telling tales is a bad habit of mine sometimes."
"So do you reckon pipe weed is really weed?" Elijah giggled at Viggo's grin.
"It explains a lot of things about hobbits," Viggo said with a very wise expression.
"And rangers, and dwarfs... and wizards!!" Elijah snickered before pressing his face to Viggo's shoulder and confessed, "I was going to try quitting... but... but I've been so stressed I've been smoking worse than ever."
"Maybe I can help you now," Viggo said. "I know how to handle your hyper, I'm dying for a smoke right now moods."
"And how do you do that Viggy?"
"I tickle you until you can't move," Viggo said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"You are a very bad man."
"Why thank you." Viggo preened obviously at what he took to be a compliment.
"You are welcome," And Elijah meant it, having meant the words as one.
Settling back, Viggo handed Elijah his earphones, so they could both watch the movie. After a few moments, he began to laugh and mumbles things to Elijah about the scenes.
Elijah was watching the movie with the earphones half of his ears so he could hear Viggo and he spent much of the time giggling and snickering, until he suddenly fell asleep in the middle of the mines of Moria.
Viggo cradled Elijah gently to him and removed his earphones. He kissed the top of his forehead, not noticing the way the stewardess smiled at them. Taking off his own set of earphones, he snuggled back in his seat and tried to let the gentle rhythm of the plane lull him to sleep.
***********************
Waking with a start, Viggo realized he and Elijah were half entwined in each other's arms. He grinned a little at the thought of the possible headlines in tomorrow's National Enquirer. Disentangling himself gently, he went to the necessary and then walked around to stretch his legs a little.
A few moments after Viggo left Elijah woke with a start, sitting up and looking around. When he spotted Viggo coming out of the toilet he sighed and relaxed against the seat, looking out the window at the darkness. "Nobody's there." He sighed to himself before getting up and retreating to the bathroom himself.
Viggo stopped beside their seats, stretching and yawning a little. His stomach rumbled at him, reminding him that he missed dinner. He waited for Elijah to return, walking a little more on his stiff legs.
Elijah stepped out of the bathroom with wet hair and looking much more relaxed, looking around for Viggo as he stretched high, his shirt lifting and showing off a pail navel for just a moment before Elijah headed back to their seats.
"Want to unpack that food?" Viggo asked, unable to help pinching his ticklish belly, where the skin still showed a little.
Elijah danced back and swatted at Viggo's hand, "Don't!" Shaking his head Elijah reached into the overhead compartment, once again showing that pale skin as he took down their dinner, "Hungry Vig?"
"Very," Viggo said with that little wolfish that used to scare Bean because he knew some dastardly deed followed after. His quick fingers streak like ten guided missiles over Elijah's bared flesh again.
Elijah squeals, dropping the cool bag onto the seat and batting at Viggo's hands, "Don't!!! Other people are trying to sleep and such!!!" Elijah looked around, trying to see if they had bothered anyone.
Viggo choked on a peal of laughter at the cute and scrunched look on Elijah's face. The other hobbits teased the youngest member mercilessly about his high-pitched squeal, but Viggo thought them a perfect match to his sweet angel face and dirty mouth. "Aww, its only a bit of fun, little hobbit."
Elijah stuck his tongue out at Viggo, "Just for that I shouldn't let you have any of my food." but his expression and tone was completely joking as Elijah scooted into the window seat and pulled both their trays out and started pulling food out. They each got a hobbit-sized server of chicken salad in a Tupperware container, some buttered bread and a tube of dressing for the salad. Elijah had even remembered silverware, although it was plastic wear, and he had packed desert, but that was for later, "Vig? Wanna arrange something for us to drink please?"
Viggo trooped up to the front, wearing his most ingratiating smile, the one that he could get Orlando to cum to without even saying a word. In about five minutes, he returned with his arms laden with beverages of all sorts, including a few illicit alcoholic bottles. Setting them all down in a heap on the seat, Viggo stared down at them with a goofy smile. "The nice ladies said if I ever went up they're looking like that again, I may not return in one piece."
Elijah's laughter rang out again and he shook his head, making himself a vodka and lemonade, smiling at Viggo, "Sounds like you've been naughty..." He laughed again and gestured at the container on Viggo's tray, "Try it? You'll want dressing."
Viggo looked back down at the seat still full of drink containers. Reasoning that this may not have been the most brilliant plan in the world, he selected a dressing and began to eat standing up. He knew the nice stewardesses would not tell him to sit down, as he could feel their eyes taking in his ass, as they peered around the corner of their partition. Feeling fair was fair, he did a few shakes just to catch the drift of their giggles.
Elijah rolled his eyes at Viggo and swept all the drinks into the container he had taken their dinner from, "Sit down Viggo and stop flirting with your behind!"
With a little grin at Elijah, Viggo slid into the seat and picked out a Coke for himself. "Just letting them have a bit of fun for being so kind," he said with utmost innocence. "This food is really good." He ate like a man on a mission, making sure no bit of food got left behind. "I might have to hire you to make lunch while you live with me."
Elijah laughed softly, but hard enough that he had to stop eating for a while. When his salad was about half finished he offered the rest to Viggo, brow raised questioningly.
Viggo did not say no, grabbing the salad and polishing it off with flair. "I loved Orlando, but after I stopped living with the man, I rediscovered food. He's got a rabbit's dietary habits... and I tried to be a rabbit for him, I really did. But my stomach is more than glad to have stopped that idea."
Elijah snickered and shook his head, "Well... that's the only way he has to keep his girlish figure."
Viggo paused for a long moment, fingers in pause just above his tray table. "No, its not... you have no idea."
"I'm sorry." Elijah's apology was instinctive as Viggo's stillness registered, "I was just joking." He watched Viggo, going still himself, hoping he hadn't upset the older man.
Shaking his head, Viggo set his hands in his lap, curling them together. "I brought up the subject... and it's interesting for me to find that I can talk about him now with no real pain. You see, I thought he and I were forever... I even went so far as to looking into commitment ceremonies... he was my world."
"Oh Vig." Elijah reaches over to put his hand over Viggo's squeezing lightly, he didn't know what to say to help so he just kept silent for a moment, letting Viggo speak if he wanted to.
"I guess... I guess I am telling you this for a lot of reasons," Viggo said after a slight silence. "First, because I never told anyone before, even Bean. And second, because I know there will be times in the coming days when you feel like the fucking world should just end now and let you be at peace. You will want to do terrible, stupid things... may even do a few of them... like wrecking all your paintings. But you keep getting up in the morning and just doing stuff. Not important stuff, a lot of the time, but stuff that you want- need to do. And then one day, you wake up and the pain no longer greets you the way it did anymore. You can tell other people about what happened without wanting to scream anymore. You can tell them about the little ring you bought with the words The Long Run' engraved inside. You can talk about the nights cuddles up next to the fire, talking lazily about the future while you kissed and touched. You can talk about the day your forever walks in to the room, just the same as ever, and tells you that you're not as important to him as you thought. You're just... not."
Elijah didn't, couldn't say anything, for any of the well meant words that sprung to his lips smacked of platitudes and lessened what Viggo hand said, so he simply wrapped his arms around Viggo, pulling him close in a very caring embrace and pressed a kiss to Viggo's forehead as Viggo had his own. It was several minuets later when Elijah finally spoke, and he hoped his words didn't sound stupid, "I am very sorry Vig, that you have had to feel that pain, but I am honoured that you felt sure enough of me that you can tell me about it. And knowing that you have lived through it, gives me more hope than I can say, that I will too. Thank you."
Holding him, Viggo touched his cheek with the fingers of his right hand. "I want that to be true, Elijah. No matter, I am here for you and hope you will stay with me for as long as you need. Be that a day, a month, a year... many years. And someday, I hope you will tell me everything, too."
"I don't know if there is really any more to tell Viggo, that you do not already know." Sighing softly Elijah rested against Viggo for long moments, thinking about the first time he'd met Sean. Sean had already started putting on weight for Sam, but... it was like a fire down his body. They had met in the middle of that lobby and had had to touch, so they embraced. And so had started a legend. The hugs had been enough for a long while, it hadn't been until after his birthday in 2000 that Elijah had admitted to himself, what he felt for Sean wasn't platonic love. The next day when he looked into Sean's eyes, he'd realized that Sean wasn't feeling platonic either. It had become their secret, their truth to never be spoken, a love, as Lord Alfred had said, that dare no speak its name. Sighing Elijah whispered softly, quoting "'Then sighing, said the other, 'Have thy will, I am the love that dare not speak its name.'"
"Why did you decide to break that unspoken love?" Viggo asked, stroking Elijah's hair. He did not make the words a demand, something Elijah had to answer right that moment. Instead, he spoke gently, compassionately, putting forward the question as something that might be answered if wanted.
"I was going crazy," Elijah sighs softly and shakes his head a little, not able to verbalize it further, not yet at least.
"That's how I felt about Orlando sometimes, when we were no longer together. Like I was going to go crazy if I could not touch him, have him near me." He made a little sigh at the memory of himself.
Elijah nodded a few times, understand exactly what Viggo meant, all the while wishing neither of them did.
"Let's try to get some more sleep," Viggo said. He reached out and grabbed Elijah a couple of the airlines sorry pillows, tucking them under his head. Grabbing one for himself, he curled them back together into a hug. "Want me to sing?"
"Please?" Elijah snuggled into Viggo, closing his eyes and whispering again, "That dare not speak its name."
"What would you like me to sing?" Viggo asked, thinking for the millionth time of the insensibility of love, how it ignored reason and propriety and developed wherever it pleased.
"Red river... normally." The request was a soft whisper.
"Ah," Viggo replied with the barest hint of a chuckle at the normal request. "Come and sit by my side, if you love me, do not hasten to bid me adieu, but remember the red river valley and the cowboy that loves you so true..." Viggo's soft, rough voice sang the lyrics directly into Elijah's ear, caressing it with soothing sounds. "From this valley, they say you are leaving, I will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile... for they say you are taking the sunshine, that brightened our pathways awhile." He watches Elijah for signs of sleep.
Elijah's breath deepens as he listens to the soothing voice, eventually drifting into a light sleep, full of warm rich valleys, green with grass and love.
Viggo sang the song to the end, even after Elijah drifted off to sleep. One of the stewardesses surprised him when she suddenly appeared by his side with a blanket for Elijah. "It seems, for all your flirting," she said in a soft, nonjudgmental voice, "you're already taken."
She walked off well before Viggo recovered from the slight shock of discovering her words might not be so far off the mark.
Elijah only dozed for about two hours, slept out, although he could still feel tiredness deep in his bones, his eyes fluttering open, a slight frown marring his brow as he tried to recognize the feeling stirring in his middle.
Beside him, Viggo slept on, his head leaning against Elijah's comfortably. Every few moments, he mumbles something, usually elvish.
It took Elijah several more minuets to work it out, but when he did he laughed out loud, a happy and normal sound. He was hungry!! For the first time since he had decided to go ahead with asking Sean, he was hungry!! "Good sign!"
The laugh disturbed Viggo slightly, causing him to shift away from Elijah a little. "Not right now, Orlando," he said very distinctly.
Elijah jerked a little at Viggo's words before he could control himself, his smile fading into a faint frown before he pushed the expression away, wondering why he didn't like being called Orli as much as he did. Pushing that thought away too Elijah moved slowly away from Viggo until he was standing in the aisle.
The movement disturbed the last of Viggo's sleep, and he opened his eyes slowly. He blinked a few times rather comically, trying to remember where they were. Seeing the seat next to him empty, he turned to find Elijah in the aisle. "All right?" he mumbled in a sleep sweet voice.
Elijah smiled at Viggo, "I am yes, I think. Cause... well I'm hungry! I... I haven't been hungry for ages!!!!" His smile became wider as he started to think about this wonderful development again.
"That must have been bad," Viggo said with graveness only possible while half-asleep. "Imagine you not eating."
Elijah stuck his tongue out at Viggo, but he was very pleased at his own giggle, getting the bag of food and pulling out two more Tupperware containers, smaller than the ones that had held there salad, but not small, passing one and a spoon to Viggo while he sat again, waiting for Viggo's opinion of the chocolate mousse found within.
"Oooh, yummies," Viggo said in a childish tone of delight. He dove right into the extra sweet blend, not pausing for breath until the entire Tupperware possessed not a single speck left.
Elijah laughed, eating slower, letting himself enjoy the rich sweet desert, smiling at Viggo between mouthfuls, "So you approve of the catering?"
I award them top marks for desserts," Viggo said happily, eyeing the remains of Elijah's with a feral expression.
Elijah just laughed and handed his over, "With compliments of the management. I'll make more when we get to the ranch if you want?"
"You made this?" Viggo asked, impressed. "I could never get the blend right with mousse. You must show me your secrets, oh great Mousse Master."
"It all depends on the quality of the chocolate Vig... I'll be happy to show you." Elijah smiled, rather pleased with the chance to show Viggo how, to pay him back even in such a small way.
"Are you saying, I choose poor quality chocolate?" Viggo asked with a mock growl.
"No... That you are probably using too good a quality chocolate... mousse should be made with cooking chocolate." Elijah smiled as he put their empty containers into the bag and put it into the overhead container.
Viggo just watched him with a small smile at seeing the happiness in his face, He chided himself, as he had since Elijah told him everything, for not recognizing the strain on the man before. True, Elijah possessed formidable acting ability, but Viggo thought- knew- that if he had paid that little extra attention, he could have offered support before now. "You smile like a geek."
"I am a geek Vig, so it makes sense that I should smile like one." His grin never faltered, "If you didn't realize that before now my good friend, and King, then you have not been paying attention!" In the last few words Elijah's tone became that of a mildly scolding teacher to an inattentive student.
"I did," Viggo said, his own voice warm and soft, "but when you play Frodo, they pretty you up. They make your face softer, your hair fluffy and your eyes even larger than they are. Frodo is some priceless work of art that everyone admires from afar and fears to touch. You're a real person, not lovely, but touchable."
Elijah was torn between responding flippantly or seriously, before deciding that serious was more important, "Touchable is good you know. Too... too often I feel untouchable, unlovable... unwanted." He sighs, voice soft as he speaks, "I fell in love, and was lucky enough to have that person fall in love with me back, and still... I didn't... I didn't get him. I lost. And I totally understand why, I don't even want Sean to leave Chris for me, well a part of me does." He sighed and shook his head, "But that's the selfish part, the rest of me knows I would not make him that happy. And I want him to be happy more than anything, but... I can't help wanting to be happy to Vig." Elijah looked down at his hands as the words continued to pour out of him, "Sometimes, since we all left NZ, I... a lot since we left, I feel so lonely, I am so lonely."
Without thought, Viggo took Elijah by the hand and pulled him into a hug. In fact, he practically sprawled Elijah over his lap, despite a slight frown from one of the flight attendants. "Its not selfish to want to be happy, Elijah."
"I don't think it is, but to be happy at someone else's expense, the expense of the person you love? That would be." He pressed his face into Viggo's shoulder, trying to control the sudden welling tears, not wanting to break down in a public place, knowing that their actions so far were likely to get them into trouble with the press, and New Line.
An approaching stewardess veered off when she saw how Viggo cradled Elijah, signaling the others to let their rather famous guests alone for the moment. Paying close attention to the distraught man, Viggo barely had a chance to give her a smile of thanks. "You're not like that, Elijah. You proved that by not fighting for Sean. You've tried everything you can to not mess up his life. You're willing to let yourself suffer instead."
With a voice heavy with unshed tears, shuddering with broken breaths Elijah confessed, "So many times I've just wanted to say fuck it all... and go after him. Viggo I almost did." Elijah's shaking grew more, and he pressed closer and closer to Viggo, as if trying to climb into Viggo's skin, "Oh my god... I've fucked it all up, all of it. Sean's never going to forgive himself... or me... oh my god, oh my god..." The tears, no matter how hard he tried to control, were now only moments away.
"It will be all right again, Elijah... just hang on to me and you'll see."