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fellowshippers2005-03-01 06:31 pm
arabia764.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2005-03-01 06:31 pm
Fic: New Rules -- Damaged Story 2 Elijah/Orli N17 5/10
Title: New Rules – Damaged story 2
Chapter: 5
Author: Arabia
Pairing: Elijah/Orli
Rating N17
Disclaimer: Total fiction
Notes: An AU set in modern day South London. This is NOT a WIP – it is all finished and will be posted over the next few days.
It carries on pretty much after the end of the original Damaged story and it won’t make much sense if you haven’t read that. The first story can be found here…
Damaged
Thank yous and kisses go to my darling![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
curthose for the amazing beta and to annwyn55 for making the beautiful icon that goes with the fic. You are both too wonderful to contemplate.
New Rules
Chapter Five
Orli was still in the bathroom, singing softly to himself, as Elijah passed on the way back to bed. Picking up his discarded book, he snuggled down into the nest of covers. He had just finished the chapter when Orli came in, face damp and shiny, eyes a little clearer.
“You all right?” Elijah asked as he put the book on the side table.
“Not bad,” Orli smiled. “ I’ve got a lot to feel good about.” He pushed back the duvet and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Everything okay with your mum?” Elijah wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
“What can I say? She loves me,” Orli’s hand crawled up Elijah’s leg and gripped his waistband. With a surprisingly well co-ordinated tug he pulled Elijah’s sweatpants down to his ankles so fast that Elijah was left laid out flat on his back, like a floundering whale.
“What the…?”
“Shut up,” Orli pushed Elijah’s legs apart and crawled in between them. “Shut up and let me play with my favourite toy.” With a last sly grin at Elijah he bowed his head, licked up the inside of a lightly muscled thigh, and took Elijah’s warm, soft cock into his mouth. He sighed and slid forward onto his belly.
Elijah sighed in tandem and relaxed back.
Orli’s mouth was warm, wet and very gentle as he teased Elijah’s cock into life. With the speed only the newly in love could master Elijah’s hands were soon clinging on for dear life to the white cotton sheet as his heels dug shallow hollows in the mattress. But still Orli took his time, softly lapping and suckling, ignoring Elijah’s attempts to control the bucking of his hips.
With a deliberately timed flick of his tongue Orli suddenly engulfed Elijah’s cock, taking it till it hit the very back of his throat, pushing his face forward so as much of it as possible was squashed against Elijah’s flesh. Elijah cried out, arched, stilled for a moment, and came with a soft, ‘Oh,’ of pleasure.
Orli ran his tongue up the softening length as he let the cock slip from his mouth then, with a final string of small plucked kisses to Elijah’s inner thigh, he pulled himself up the bed to collapse on the pillow next to Elijah. He smiled slightly lopsidedly as Elijah reached out a hand to touch his face, but then he was gone.
Back down the bed and Elijah felt a sudden stab of pain as Orli’s teeth sank into the tender flesh just above his hip bone. “Ouch,” Elijah pulled Orli’s head back and rubbed at the red set of teeth imprints. “I was going to offer to blow you in return but not if you’re gonna bite me.”
“Don’t bother, I’m not sure I could get it up anyway,” Orli flopped back down.
Elijah turned on his side and looked at Orli appraisingly. Slightly pink cheeks, a hazy cast in his eye, a faintly cheesy grin, a look of something he couldn’t quite identify; drunk but not completely wasted. “What’d you bite me for?”
“Just so you’d know,” Orli looked up at the ceiling, his hand idly running over the soft worn cotton at the bottom of Elijah’s t shirt onto the naked flesh of his hip and around the smooth curve of his cheek. “You belong to me now.”
“You daft twat,” Elijah laughed, lifting Orli’s arm and snuggling underneath it, his head buried below Orli’s chin. “Are you always this mushy when you’ve had a drink?” He laughed again but couldn’t help the contented smile that lingered as he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.
Orli didn’t answer, he lay awake long into the night, his fingers running slowly through Elijah’s hair staring into the darkness, a strange expression on his face.
+
This is nice Orli thought. Nothing special, just really, really nice.
What he wanted.
It was pouring with rain outside but the curtains were pulled and the side lights were on as they sat on the sofa. Elijah had his feet up on the coffee table as usual, Orli had slid down so that his head now rested in Elijah’s lap, wine glass balanced on his chest, his feet dangling over the end of the arm rest.
Nice.
“Oi,” Orli pinched Elijah’s thigh. “Don’t go back to sleep, you’re the one who wanted to watch this.”
The television was flickering away in the corner, some programme about space, or black holes or something. Orli wasn’t really interested in heavy science. Now a nice sci-fi film with lots of shoot ‘em up aliens, well, that was different.
“It’s your fault,” Elijah yawned, scratching at his stubble before resting his hand back on Orli’s hair. “You made me drink two glasses, you know red wine puts me to sleep.”
“Some day you’ve gotta explain that one to me,” Orli looked up. “How you can drink lethal quantities of beer or vodka and only get giggly but a glass of red wine and you’re comatose.”
“Dunno why, but it’s bloody annoying at times.” He nodded at the television. “Have they explained black hole theory yet?”
“Like I’d know if they had,” Orli laughed, angling his head up awkwardly to sip some more of his wine. He savoured the taste, swirling it around in his mouth. The wine was nice as well. Nice. A good word. “I’ve booked time off work tomorrow. My boss wasn’t all that keen so I said I’d go in early and do a couple of hours before we have to go to the hospital.”
The appointment for Elijah’s first surveillance screening had come through a few days before and been duly stuck up on the notice board in the kitchen. It had made Orli’s stomach tighten and twist for a minute, not because he was overly worried – he knew this was just a routine, precautionary measure – but because it brought back so many recent memories that he was doing his damnedest to squash.
“Don’t bother,” Elijah yawned again. “You don’t have to come. I can do this one on my own.”
Orli twisted round, looking up questioningly.
“Really it’s okay,” Elijah smiled reassuringly. “I know I dragged you along to a lot of the others, but this is no big deal. I can handle it.”
“You don’t have to. Sod Mr Tyler, I can take a few hours off.”
Elijah ran his hand through Orli’s hair, loving the way it felt as it slid against his fingers, soft yet strong. “Honest Orli, don’t bother. The letter said I could be there all day, I have to have a bundle of tests done and then wait for all the results before I can see the doctor. It even said bring a good book. I’d only feel guilty as you got more bored.”
“You don’t have to feel guilty,” Orli said, raising himself up on an elbow that stuck painfully into Elijah’s thigh. “If you need me, I’ll be there.”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Elijah smiled. He watched Orli’s face and could see a whole series of more arguments forming. He cut them off quickly. “And don’t worry, if I wanted you to come I’d ask.” He smiled again, a big grin that cut across his face. “In fact I’d probably make your life a misery till you were begging me to let you go.”
“You bloody would as well,” Orli said, settling back down. “Just… if you change your mind, tell me.”
“I will. Now watch the nice programme, they’re just about to explain why the world is gonna blow up in a few million years.”
+
As he got off the bus Orli was hoping that Elijah hadn’t had to hang around too long at the hospital. One because it would mean he was in a better mood, and two because it would mean he would have started dinner. Orli was starving.
Even before he opened the front door he could hear the cd player blaring and he grinned. Before going into the kitchen he detoured into the living room to turn down the music a little. No point annoying the neighbours too much, plus he actually wanted to be able to hear Elijah.
“Hiya,” he said, dropping a quick kiss on the back of Elijah’s head and he dumped his keys on top of the microwave. Elijah was standing at the counter his back to Orli, knife in hand as he sliced cucumber into a bowl. “I know you said in your text that everything was okay but how did it go? What did they do? What else did they say? Come on, gimme me details.”
Orli reached into the fridge, not noticing the fact that Elijah had stayed silent. “Oh man,” he exclaimed. “There’s no beer left, you drank the last bottle yesterday. Couldn’t you have picked up some more on your way home? God I need a drink and you haven’t told me what they said yet.”
Suddenly Elijah whirled round, face white as a sheet, eyes blazing. “Stop fucking telling me what to do!” he shouted. “You get the fucking beer if you want it, don’t order me around like your bloody slave.”
“Whoa, calm down,” Orli backed a little away from Elijah. “Is there something up? Did they say something at the hospital?”
“And stop asking me all these fucking questions,” Elijah almost spat the words out, fierce colour now burning on his cheeks. “I don’t have to tell you anything, I don’t answer to bloody anyone.”
“I never said you did,” Orli said standing his ground now. Something had set Elijah off and he’d been at the hospital and… fuck. A hand twisted at Orli’s guts again. “Just tell me if you’re all right.”
“I don’t have to tell you anything!” Elijah shouted again. “I don’t owe you an explanation.” He twisted round, throwing the knife onto the counter with such force that it skidded into the salad bowl, knocking it onto the floor where it shattered into dozens of dangerous shards. “Fuck,” Elijah exploded. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“’Lijah?” Orli said softly. “It doesn’t matter as long as you’re all right. What’s happened?”
“Nothing’s happened,” Elijah kept his back to Orli, still staring at the mess at the floor. “Except I’ve cocked up again and you push and push and…” He dropped to his knees on the floor, reaching out to collect the largest bits. Suddenly he stopped, throwing the pieces against the wall where they smashed into even smaller fragments. “I will stay in bloody control, I will…” Abruptly his head dropped, his shoulders rounded and he wrapped his arms around himself.
For a moment Orli just stood and watched, not understanding what was going on, no idea how to help or even if his help was wanted. It took a few moments more for the noise Elijah was making and the way his shoulders were shaking to penetrate and make Orli realise that Elijah was crying.
Orli still didn’t know what to do, until Elijah curled further over, his head practically on his bent knees as he sobbed, then instinct kicked in. Orli dropped to the ground, rubbing his hand across Elijah’s heaving back. At first Elijah flinched away, but Orli persisted, slowly pulling him in, dragging his body closer till Elijah was half lying in his lap and wrapped in his arms.
“It’s okay,” Orli said softly, unsure whether Elijah could hear. “Whatever’s happened we can handle it, we’ve got this far. We can do it together.”
Elijah cried his heart out.
‘We can handle it,’ Orli repeated to himself. Well could they? If it was bad, if the cancer was back… oh god. Orli felt the first bite of panic at the back of his throat. He’d watched Shane die, he couldn’t do that again and a second dose of cancer was always much worse and… he couldn’t leave Elijah, let him do it on his own. His fingers tightened in the back of Elijah’s t-shirt and he pulled him further into his own body, squashing Elijah’s face against the twisting fear in his chest. He wouldn’t leave but, it was so hard to even think about.
He offered up a silent prayer, something he couldn’t remember ever doing before, not even in the hospital after Shane’s accident. Please God, don’t let me lose another one. He looked at Elijah’s heaving back; and don’t make him suffer anymore. He’s taken enough already.
But then Elijah had texted from outside the hospital. He’d said everything was all right.
“’Lijah, mate, you don’t have to talk, just let me know if you’re okay.” But Elijah wasn’t capable of answering yet, tears burned down his cheeks as he rubbed his face furiously against the fabric of Orli’s clothes. Orli would have to wait.
Slowly, very slowly, the crying lessened until Elijah lay limp and gasping across Orli’s thighs. Carefully, with a bit of awkward wriggling, Orli manoeuvred until he was sitting with his back against the kitchen cupboards, legs out straight, Elijah held close as he stroked along his back.
For a long while he sat still, rubbing gently as he murmured soothing sounds, letting his mind drift. Elijah had said he was okay but in the end it did it really matter? What was going to happen would happen and there was nothing he could do about it. He would face it with Elijah and they’d be together and Orli would know he was lucky. Few people got this once, he’d been blessed to find it twice.
But he wanted to know.
Reaching down he brushed back a few damp dark stands of hair from Elijah’s face and lifted his chin so that they could look at each other. The lids of Elijah’s eyes were swollen almost out of recognition; red and puffy they made him look much younger. His eyelashes were stuck together by the last of his tears, the tip of his nose was crimson and damp and his cheeks were blotched by angry colour. But still he was beautiful.
Orli ran his thumb under one eye, catching the dampness. “Are you all right? Is the cancer back?” he asked softly.
Elijah shook his head. “No, I’m fine.” He stumbled on the words, his voice gravelly as though his throat was sore, and Orli thought it was the most wonderful sound he’d ever heard.
“It’s okay,” Orli hugged him tight. “You don’t have to talk, just…” But Orli didn’t know what. All he wanted was to stay as they were for a minute, with Elijah healthy in his arms. He sat still, letting the horror flow from his mind, letting his muscles relax. He felt the easy contentment start to resurface and was suddenly overcome by a need to make Elijah feel it as well.
Unexpectedly he pushed Elijah back, holding his hands tight as he pulled him to his feet. “Come on, you need a wash and to warm up,” and he dragged an unresisting Elijah down the hall to the bathroom.
Orli filled the bath with hot water and bubbles and then turned back to where he’d left Elijah sitting on the closed toilet seat. Hands on Elijah’s hips, he pulled him up and then slowly began to undress him.
“Orlando, I’m sorry, I…”
“Shhh,” Orli hushed him. “Let me do this first.”
Elijah’s naked body told its own story of the day’s events. A folded square of gauze stuck with tape into the crook of his arm from where blood had been taken, dried gel on his groin shouted of the ultrasound, blue pen on his hips from the comparison scan. That was hospital Elijah; Orli wanted his one back.
“In,” he pointed at the bath and Elijah stepped in. But before he could sit down Orli stopped him and Elijah raised a quizzical brow. Orli searched around for the flannel and dipped it into the hot water before he carefully, oh so carefully, washed up Elijah’s legs. Each one was covered in bubbles and rinsed inside and out before the hairs were sluiced back down the right way.
Then Orli rotated Elijah round so he could turn his attention to his back. Dipping the flannel in the water again, he wrung it out on Elijah’s shoulder, letting the water run in rivers down his back. He repeated the process on the other shoulder before painstakingly washing across his shoulder blades and down to the hollow at the bottom of his spine. Then it was more hot water across each curve of rounded flesh and a deliberate wipe with the flannel in the cleft between.
Orli turned him round again and the flannel worked down from his collarbones, across a darkened nipple, pushing just hard enough to feel each rib, to the soft belly below. Orli took his time making sure each pen mark was washed away, each memory of the hospital erased. Lifting Elijah’s cock, he washed behind it and into the gap between his legs. Each side of the misshapen scrotumn was dealt with while Orli tried hard not to notice how red one side had become.
“Sit,” came the next command and Elijah did as he was told. When the water had settled Orli picked up the flannel again working down Elijah’s arm and in and out of each finger. He’d deliberately left the arm nearest to him to last. This was dutifully washed down to the elbow where he stopped and deftly picked off the tape, careful not to hurt. The tape and gauze were thrown away and Orli wiped over the dark bruise, the small patch of dried blood disappearing under the flannel.
Orli was conscious that Elijah’s eyes had never once left his face and now he looked back, smiling as he dunked the flannel into the water once more. “Close your eyes,” he said softly and felt Elijah’s trust as he did so. The flannel moved over each eyebrow, round each swollen eye, washing away the remnants of tears. Out to a curled ear and back over a sharp cheekbone, then down and across dark red lips. Orli noticed the bite mark on the bottom lip that perfectly matched Elijah’s own teeth, and he folded the flannel over so he could meticulously wash along it.
Then it was under Elijah’s chin, down his neck and around to the back and Elijah could open his eyes again.
“One more thing,” Orli said smiling again as he stretched over for a bowl. Scooping out some of the water he tipped it over Elijah’s head, watching as rivulets run down his face. He rubbed at Elijah’s hair, adding more and more water, until he was sure it was thoroughly soaked. Then he poured out some shampoo into his hand, before massaging it into Elijah’s scalp. He rinsed it off with more bowls of water, checking to make sure there was no shampoo hiding anywhere, and then he was finished. He eased Elijah back till he was laying out, pulled up the dirty laundry box for himself to sit on, and then, elbows on knees, chin in hands, smiled over at Elijah.
Elijah looked deadly serious. “I really do love you,” he sounded as serious as he looked.
Orli’s smile turned into a grin. “I know. I love you too. Good, in’it?” And Elijah couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“Christ Orli, what would I do without you?”
“Dunno, wash yourself?” Orli’s grin got wider.
“I…” Elijah stumbled to a halt.
“Don’t bother, I know.” Orli patted Elijah’s hand where it rested on the edge of the bath.
“But I should say it and you should hear it.”
“Mate, let’s face it, what could you say that’s better than, ‘I really do love you’?” Orli shrugged a shoulder and smiled again and Elijah knew just what he meant.
Then it was Orli’s turn to get more serious. “You don’t have to talk about it but… did anything happen at the hospital? I’d rather know if…”
Elijah shook his head. “No, they said everything was fine. All my levels were as they should be, everything’s healed well, there’s no sign of anything nasty and no reason to think there will be.”
“So why the…” Orli stopped and thought about what he wanted to say. “I don’t mean to push, and you’re right, you don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Course I bloody do,” Elijah smiled. “You come in being nice as pie and I just explode at you. It’s hardly fair or rational.”
“There’s no rule says you have to be rational but, yeah, I would like to know what set that off.”
The smile dropped from Elijah’s face but he kept his eyes on Orli. “I don’t know really, it was just... it was being told everything was all right.”
“I don’t get it,” Orli said. “That’s what we expected and hoped for.”
“Yeah but,” Elijah stopped and chewed at his lip for a moment. “It was like I was holding everything in, all the fear from having cancer, and this was it, it’s over, I’m okay. It feels like I was sitting on a box with all the emotions in, and when they said I didn’t have to stay there anymore because that was the end of it, I got up and the lid burst open.”
Elijah laced his fingers through Orli’s and squeezed them tight. “I feel bloody silly now but it’s also like the pressure has gone. I can start planning for the future, I know I’ve got uni lined up but it never felt quite real, more like a game I had to play until the world came crashing down again. Now it is real and I can start thinking abut it properly, ‘cos it might actually happen.”
“Of course it’s gonna happen,” Orli said softly.
“But now I can actually start believing it,” Elijah looked up at Orli, his eyes shining.
“And if it took you smashing up a bit of crockery and crying your eyes out then, so what? You should have done it ages ago.”
“Nah,” Elijah shook his head. “I’m not very good at being all emotional and I certainly don’t cry. Especially not in front of people.”
“Why not?” Orli asked.
Elijah sat up a little and tried to pull his fingers away. Orli wouldn’t let him.
“Last time I cried in front of someone I was about fifteen. I didn’t even know his name but the guy was so bloody desperate to get inside me he didn’t give me a chance to prepare myself, and he hurt me. When he saw my tears he fucked me even harder, really hurt me. Afterwards I crawled out to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I could see why he did it; I looked like a little kid, a little kid with a dirty, teary face that you just had to hurt,” he shook his head, huffing out a mockery of a laugh. “I never made that mistake again.”
Orli bit back the anger, bit back the ache in his guts and the desperate desire to wrap Elijah safely in his arms and never, ever let go, bit back the urge to kill everyone who could make a child too scared and too knowledgeable to cry. He bit it all back and thought about them and the present.
“Then thank you for trusting me enough to cry in front of me. I won’t forget it and I won’t let you down.”
Elijah looked up, eyes wide, mouth open, but there really was nothing else to say. Nothing that didn’t involve crying again. He got up as Orli held out a big towel ready for him to step into. Orli hugged him tight staring off into space, his face unreadable.
+
Chapter: 5
Author: Arabia
Pairing: Elijah/Orli
Rating N17
Disclaimer: Total fiction
Notes: An AU set in modern day South London. This is NOT a WIP – it is all finished and will be posted over the next few days.
It carries on pretty much after the end of the original Damaged story and it won’t make much sense if you haven’t read that. The first story can be found here…
Damaged
Thank yous and kisses go to my darling
curthose for the amazing beta and to annwyn55 for making the beautiful icon that goes with the fic. You are both too wonderful to contemplate.New Rules
Chapter Five
Orli was still in the bathroom, singing softly to himself, as Elijah passed on the way back to bed. Picking up his discarded book, he snuggled down into the nest of covers. He had just finished the chapter when Orli came in, face damp and shiny, eyes a little clearer.
“You all right?” Elijah asked as he put the book on the side table.
“Not bad,” Orli smiled. “ I’ve got a lot to feel good about.” He pushed back the duvet and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Everything okay with your mum?” Elijah wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
“What can I say? She loves me,” Orli’s hand crawled up Elijah’s leg and gripped his waistband. With a surprisingly well co-ordinated tug he pulled Elijah’s sweatpants down to his ankles so fast that Elijah was left laid out flat on his back, like a floundering whale.
“What the…?”
“Shut up,” Orli pushed Elijah’s legs apart and crawled in between them. “Shut up and let me play with my favourite toy.” With a last sly grin at Elijah he bowed his head, licked up the inside of a lightly muscled thigh, and took Elijah’s warm, soft cock into his mouth. He sighed and slid forward onto his belly.
Elijah sighed in tandem and relaxed back.
Orli’s mouth was warm, wet and very gentle as he teased Elijah’s cock into life. With the speed only the newly in love could master Elijah’s hands were soon clinging on for dear life to the white cotton sheet as his heels dug shallow hollows in the mattress. But still Orli took his time, softly lapping and suckling, ignoring Elijah’s attempts to control the bucking of his hips.
With a deliberately timed flick of his tongue Orli suddenly engulfed Elijah’s cock, taking it till it hit the very back of his throat, pushing his face forward so as much of it as possible was squashed against Elijah’s flesh. Elijah cried out, arched, stilled for a moment, and came with a soft, ‘Oh,’ of pleasure.
Orli ran his tongue up the softening length as he let the cock slip from his mouth then, with a final string of small plucked kisses to Elijah’s inner thigh, he pulled himself up the bed to collapse on the pillow next to Elijah. He smiled slightly lopsidedly as Elijah reached out a hand to touch his face, but then he was gone.
Back down the bed and Elijah felt a sudden stab of pain as Orli’s teeth sank into the tender flesh just above his hip bone. “Ouch,” Elijah pulled Orli’s head back and rubbed at the red set of teeth imprints. “I was going to offer to blow you in return but not if you’re gonna bite me.”
“Don’t bother, I’m not sure I could get it up anyway,” Orli flopped back down.
Elijah turned on his side and looked at Orli appraisingly. Slightly pink cheeks, a hazy cast in his eye, a faintly cheesy grin, a look of something he couldn’t quite identify; drunk but not completely wasted. “What’d you bite me for?”
“Just so you’d know,” Orli looked up at the ceiling, his hand idly running over the soft worn cotton at the bottom of Elijah’s t shirt onto the naked flesh of his hip and around the smooth curve of his cheek. “You belong to me now.”
“You daft twat,” Elijah laughed, lifting Orli’s arm and snuggling underneath it, his head buried below Orli’s chin. “Are you always this mushy when you’ve had a drink?” He laughed again but couldn’t help the contented smile that lingered as he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.
Orli didn’t answer, he lay awake long into the night, his fingers running slowly through Elijah’s hair staring into the darkness, a strange expression on his face.
+
This is nice Orli thought. Nothing special, just really, really nice.
What he wanted.
It was pouring with rain outside but the curtains were pulled and the side lights were on as they sat on the sofa. Elijah had his feet up on the coffee table as usual, Orli had slid down so that his head now rested in Elijah’s lap, wine glass balanced on his chest, his feet dangling over the end of the arm rest.
Nice.
“Oi,” Orli pinched Elijah’s thigh. “Don’t go back to sleep, you’re the one who wanted to watch this.”
The television was flickering away in the corner, some programme about space, or black holes or something. Orli wasn’t really interested in heavy science. Now a nice sci-fi film with lots of shoot ‘em up aliens, well, that was different.
“It’s your fault,” Elijah yawned, scratching at his stubble before resting his hand back on Orli’s hair. “You made me drink two glasses, you know red wine puts me to sleep.”
“Some day you’ve gotta explain that one to me,” Orli looked up. “How you can drink lethal quantities of beer or vodka and only get giggly but a glass of red wine and you’re comatose.”
“Dunno why, but it’s bloody annoying at times.” He nodded at the television. “Have they explained black hole theory yet?”
“Like I’d know if they had,” Orli laughed, angling his head up awkwardly to sip some more of his wine. He savoured the taste, swirling it around in his mouth. The wine was nice as well. Nice. A good word. “I’ve booked time off work tomorrow. My boss wasn’t all that keen so I said I’d go in early and do a couple of hours before we have to go to the hospital.”
The appointment for Elijah’s first surveillance screening had come through a few days before and been duly stuck up on the notice board in the kitchen. It had made Orli’s stomach tighten and twist for a minute, not because he was overly worried – he knew this was just a routine, precautionary measure – but because it brought back so many recent memories that he was doing his damnedest to squash.
“Don’t bother,” Elijah yawned again. “You don’t have to come. I can do this one on my own.”
Orli twisted round, looking up questioningly.
“Really it’s okay,” Elijah smiled reassuringly. “I know I dragged you along to a lot of the others, but this is no big deal. I can handle it.”
“You don’t have to. Sod Mr Tyler, I can take a few hours off.”
Elijah ran his hand through Orli’s hair, loving the way it felt as it slid against his fingers, soft yet strong. “Honest Orli, don’t bother. The letter said I could be there all day, I have to have a bundle of tests done and then wait for all the results before I can see the doctor. It even said bring a good book. I’d only feel guilty as you got more bored.”
“You don’t have to feel guilty,” Orli said, raising himself up on an elbow that stuck painfully into Elijah’s thigh. “If you need me, I’ll be there.”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Elijah smiled. He watched Orli’s face and could see a whole series of more arguments forming. He cut them off quickly. “And don’t worry, if I wanted you to come I’d ask.” He smiled again, a big grin that cut across his face. “In fact I’d probably make your life a misery till you were begging me to let you go.”
“You bloody would as well,” Orli said, settling back down. “Just… if you change your mind, tell me.”
“I will. Now watch the nice programme, they’re just about to explain why the world is gonna blow up in a few million years.”
+
As he got off the bus Orli was hoping that Elijah hadn’t had to hang around too long at the hospital. One because it would mean he was in a better mood, and two because it would mean he would have started dinner. Orli was starving.
Even before he opened the front door he could hear the cd player blaring and he grinned. Before going into the kitchen he detoured into the living room to turn down the music a little. No point annoying the neighbours too much, plus he actually wanted to be able to hear Elijah.
“Hiya,” he said, dropping a quick kiss on the back of Elijah’s head and he dumped his keys on top of the microwave. Elijah was standing at the counter his back to Orli, knife in hand as he sliced cucumber into a bowl. “I know you said in your text that everything was okay but how did it go? What did they do? What else did they say? Come on, gimme me details.”
Orli reached into the fridge, not noticing the fact that Elijah had stayed silent. “Oh man,” he exclaimed. “There’s no beer left, you drank the last bottle yesterday. Couldn’t you have picked up some more on your way home? God I need a drink and you haven’t told me what they said yet.”
Suddenly Elijah whirled round, face white as a sheet, eyes blazing. “Stop fucking telling me what to do!” he shouted. “You get the fucking beer if you want it, don’t order me around like your bloody slave.”
“Whoa, calm down,” Orli backed a little away from Elijah. “Is there something up? Did they say something at the hospital?”
“And stop asking me all these fucking questions,” Elijah almost spat the words out, fierce colour now burning on his cheeks. “I don’t have to tell you anything, I don’t answer to bloody anyone.”
“I never said you did,” Orli said standing his ground now. Something had set Elijah off and he’d been at the hospital and… fuck. A hand twisted at Orli’s guts again. “Just tell me if you’re all right.”
“I don’t have to tell you anything!” Elijah shouted again. “I don’t owe you an explanation.” He twisted round, throwing the knife onto the counter with such force that it skidded into the salad bowl, knocking it onto the floor where it shattered into dozens of dangerous shards. “Fuck,” Elijah exploded. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“’Lijah?” Orli said softly. “It doesn’t matter as long as you’re all right. What’s happened?”
“Nothing’s happened,” Elijah kept his back to Orli, still staring at the mess at the floor. “Except I’ve cocked up again and you push and push and…” He dropped to his knees on the floor, reaching out to collect the largest bits. Suddenly he stopped, throwing the pieces against the wall where they smashed into even smaller fragments. “I will stay in bloody control, I will…” Abruptly his head dropped, his shoulders rounded and he wrapped his arms around himself.
For a moment Orli just stood and watched, not understanding what was going on, no idea how to help or even if his help was wanted. It took a few moments more for the noise Elijah was making and the way his shoulders were shaking to penetrate and make Orli realise that Elijah was crying.
Orli still didn’t know what to do, until Elijah curled further over, his head practically on his bent knees as he sobbed, then instinct kicked in. Orli dropped to the ground, rubbing his hand across Elijah’s heaving back. At first Elijah flinched away, but Orli persisted, slowly pulling him in, dragging his body closer till Elijah was half lying in his lap and wrapped in his arms.
“It’s okay,” Orli said softly, unsure whether Elijah could hear. “Whatever’s happened we can handle it, we’ve got this far. We can do it together.”
Elijah cried his heart out.
‘We can handle it,’ Orli repeated to himself. Well could they? If it was bad, if the cancer was back… oh god. Orli felt the first bite of panic at the back of his throat. He’d watched Shane die, he couldn’t do that again and a second dose of cancer was always much worse and… he couldn’t leave Elijah, let him do it on his own. His fingers tightened in the back of Elijah’s t-shirt and he pulled him further into his own body, squashing Elijah’s face against the twisting fear in his chest. He wouldn’t leave but, it was so hard to even think about.
He offered up a silent prayer, something he couldn’t remember ever doing before, not even in the hospital after Shane’s accident. Please God, don’t let me lose another one. He looked at Elijah’s heaving back; and don’t make him suffer anymore. He’s taken enough already.
But then Elijah had texted from outside the hospital. He’d said everything was all right.
“’Lijah, mate, you don’t have to talk, just let me know if you’re okay.” But Elijah wasn’t capable of answering yet, tears burned down his cheeks as he rubbed his face furiously against the fabric of Orli’s clothes. Orli would have to wait.
Slowly, very slowly, the crying lessened until Elijah lay limp and gasping across Orli’s thighs. Carefully, with a bit of awkward wriggling, Orli manoeuvred until he was sitting with his back against the kitchen cupboards, legs out straight, Elijah held close as he stroked along his back.
For a long while he sat still, rubbing gently as he murmured soothing sounds, letting his mind drift. Elijah had said he was okay but in the end it did it really matter? What was going to happen would happen and there was nothing he could do about it. He would face it with Elijah and they’d be together and Orli would know he was lucky. Few people got this once, he’d been blessed to find it twice.
But he wanted to know.
Reaching down he brushed back a few damp dark stands of hair from Elijah’s face and lifted his chin so that they could look at each other. The lids of Elijah’s eyes were swollen almost out of recognition; red and puffy they made him look much younger. His eyelashes were stuck together by the last of his tears, the tip of his nose was crimson and damp and his cheeks were blotched by angry colour. But still he was beautiful.
Orli ran his thumb under one eye, catching the dampness. “Are you all right? Is the cancer back?” he asked softly.
Elijah shook his head. “No, I’m fine.” He stumbled on the words, his voice gravelly as though his throat was sore, and Orli thought it was the most wonderful sound he’d ever heard.
“It’s okay,” Orli hugged him tight. “You don’t have to talk, just…” But Orli didn’t know what. All he wanted was to stay as they were for a minute, with Elijah healthy in his arms. He sat still, letting the horror flow from his mind, letting his muscles relax. He felt the easy contentment start to resurface and was suddenly overcome by a need to make Elijah feel it as well.
Unexpectedly he pushed Elijah back, holding his hands tight as he pulled him to his feet. “Come on, you need a wash and to warm up,” and he dragged an unresisting Elijah down the hall to the bathroom.
Orli filled the bath with hot water and bubbles and then turned back to where he’d left Elijah sitting on the closed toilet seat. Hands on Elijah’s hips, he pulled him up and then slowly began to undress him.
“Orlando, I’m sorry, I…”
“Shhh,” Orli hushed him. “Let me do this first.”
Elijah’s naked body told its own story of the day’s events. A folded square of gauze stuck with tape into the crook of his arm from where blood had been taken, dried gel on his groin shouted of the ultrasound, blue pen on his hips from the comparison scan. That was hospital Elijah; Orli wanted his one back.
“In,” he pointed at the bath and Elijah stepped in. But before he could sit down Orli stopped him and Elijah raised a quizzical brow. Orli searched around for the flannel and dipped it into the hot water before he carefully, oh so carefully, washed up Elijah’s legs. Each one was covered in bubbles and rinsed inside and out before the hairs were sluiced back down the right way.
Then Orli rotated Elijah round so he could turn his attention to his back. Dipping the flannel in the water again, he wrung it out on Elijah’s shoulder, letting the water run in rivers down his back. He repeated the process on the other shoulder before painstakingly washing across his shoulder blades and down to the hollow at the bottom of his spine. Then it was more hot water across each curve of rounded flesh and a deliberate wipe with the flannel in the cleft between.
Orli turned him round again and the flannel worked down from his collarbones, across a darkened nipple, pushing just hard enough to feel each rib, to the soft belly below. Orli took his time making sure each pen mark was washed away, each memory of the hospital erased. Lifting Elijah’s cock, he washed behind it and into the gap between his legs. Each side of the misshapen scrotumn was dealt with while Orli tried hard not to notice how red one side had become.
“Sit,” came the next command and Elijah did as he was told. When the water had settled Orli picked up the flannel again working down Elijah’s arm and in and out of each finger. He’d deliberately left the arm nearest to him to last. This was dutifully washed down to the elbow where he stopped and deftly picked off the tape, careful not to hurt. The tape and gauze were thrown away and Orli wiped over the dark bruise, the small patch of dried blood disappearing under the flannel.
Orli was conscious that Elijah’s eyes had never once left his face and now he looked back, smiling as he dunked the flannel into the water once more. “Close your eyes,” he said softly and felt Elijah’s trust as he did so. The flannel moved over each eyebrow, round each swollen eye, washing away the remnants of tears. Out to a curled ear and back over a sharp cheekbone, then down and across dark red lips. Orli noticed the bite mark on the bottom lip that perfectly matched Elijah’s own teeth, and he folded the flannel over so he could meticulously wash along it.
Then it was under Elijah’s chin, down his neck and around to the back and Elijah could open his eyes again.
“One more thing,” Orli said smiling again as he stretched over for a bowl. Scooping out some of the water he tipped it over Elijah’s head, watching as rivulets run down his face. He rubbed at Elijah’s hair, adding more and more water, until he was sure it was thoroughly soaked. Then he poured out some shampoo into his hand, before massaging it into Elijah’s scalp. He rinsed it off with more bowls of water, checking to make sure there was no shampoo hiding anywhere, and then he was finished. He eased Elijah back till he was laying out, pulled up the dirty laundry box for himself to sit on, and then, elbows on knees, chin in hands, smiled over at Elijah.
Elijah looked deadly serious. “I really do love you,” he sounded as serious as he looked.
Orli’s smile turned into a grin. “I know. I love you too. Good, in’it?” And Elijah couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“Christ Orli, what would I do without you?”
“Dunno, wash yourself?” Orli’s grin got wider.
“I…” Elijah stumbled to a halt.
“Don’t bother, I know.” Orli patted Elijah’s hand where it rested on the edge of the bath.
“But I should say it and you should hear it.”
“Mate, let’s face it, what could you say that’s better than, ‘I really do love you’?” Orli shrugged a shoulder and smiled again and Elijah knew just what he meant.
Then it was Orli’s turn to get more serious. “You don’t have to talk about it but… did anything happen at the hospital? I’d rather know if…”
Elijah shook his head. “No, they said everything was fine. All my levels were as they should be, everything’s healed well, there’s no sign of anything nasty and no reason to think there will be.”
“So why the…” Orli stopped and thought about what he wanted to say. “I don’t mean to push, and you’re right, you don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Course I bloody do,” Elijah smiled. “You come in being nice as pie and I just explode at you. It’s hardly fair or rational.”
“There’s no rule says you have to be rational but, yeah, I would like to know what set that off.”
The smile dropped from Elijah’s face but he kept his eyes on Orli. “I don’t know really, it was just... it was being told everything was all right.”
“I don’t get it,” Orli said. “That’s what we expected and hoped for.”
“Yeah but,” Elijah stopped and chewed at his lip for a moment. “It was like I was holding everything in, all the fear from having cancer, and this was it, it’s over, I’m okay. It feels like I was sitting on a box with all the emotions in, and when they said I didn’t have to stay there anymore because that was the end of it, I got up and the lid burst open.”
Elijah laced his fingers through Orli’s and squeezed them tight. “I feel bloody silly now but it’s also like the pressure has gone. I can start planning for the future, I know I’ve got uni lined up but it never felt quite real, more like a game I had to play until the world came crashing down again. Now it is real and I can start thinking abut it properly, ‘cos it might actually happen.”
“Of course it’s gonna happen,” Orli said softly.
“But now I can actually start believing it,” Elijah looked up at Orli, his eyes shining.
“And if it took you smashing up a bit of crockery and crying your eyes out then, so what? You should have done it ages ago.”
“Nah,” Elijah shook his head. “I’m not very good at being all emotional and I certainly don’t cry. Especially not in front of people.”
“Why not?” Orli asked.
Elijah sat up a little and tried to pull his fingers away. Orli wouldn’t let him.
“Last time I cried in front of someone I was about fifteen. I didn’t even know his name but the guy was so bloody desperate to get inside me he didn’t give me a chance to prepare myself, and he hurt me. When he saw my tears he fucked me even harder, really hurt me. Afterwards I crawled out to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I could see why he did it; I looked like a little kid, a little kid with a dirty, teary face that you just had to hurt,” he shook his head, huffing out a mockery of a laugh. “I never made that mistake again.”
Orli bit back the anger, bit back the ache in his guts and the desperate desire to wrap Elijah safely in his arms and never, ever let go, bit back the urge to kill everyone who could make a child too scared and too knowledgeable to cry. He bit it all back and thought about them and the present.
“Then thank you for trusting me enough to cry in front of me. I won’t forget it and I won’t let you down.”
Elijah looked up, eyes wide, mouth open, but there really was nothing else to say. Nothing that didn’t involve crying again. He got up as Orli held out a big towel ready for him to step into. Orli hugged him tight staring off into space, his face unreadable.
+
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:-)
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Next chapter???????????????
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... hehe!
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Maybe this wasn't exactly what you were trying to evoke... but it is what I got from it. And it resonated with me...
I can't wait for more.
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I have felt those feelings as well, when you can't quite except that things might just be going right, when you can breath freely again. It's then that all the fear and feelings you've held in check come out.
I'm really, really pleased that you're still enjoying it. Thank you so much.
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:-)
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God, you're really incredible, you know that?
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You think I'm incredible???? That was worth coming home for! Thank you so much but I'm still sending the bill back.
:-)
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Thank for this romantic, hopeful story.
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Re: *gets a little teary*
:-)