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thepsychicclam.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2003-07-16 12:20 am
thepsychicclam.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2003-07-16 12:20 am
fic: dom descends, part two
Title: Dom Descends (2/2)
Header info in part one.
Billy looked over at Dom, who had done nothing but stare out of the window since they had boarded the plane three hours ago. The silence and the tension was driving Billy insane.
“Dom, please, say something. This silence is driving me crazy.”
Dom turned his head slowly and looked at Billy. “The window is cold,” he said in a flat monotone and turned back to gaze out the window. Billy had had it. He grabbed Dom’s shoulders and turned his upper body so they were facing each other and held him there so he wouldn’t be able to turn around.
“Dom, I’m begging. Tell me what’s going on. I’m so confused. Since I’m going to another continent with you, tell me why I’m fucking going.”
“I told you. I’m going to tell my parents about Elijah. Now let go of me.” Dom tried to shake off Billy’s grasp, but he held firm.
“No. There’s more to this. Tell me, damn it!” Billy shouted. A few fellow passengers shot them wary glances, but Billy didn’t seem to notice.
“Keep your voice down. You’re drawing attention to yourself.”
“I don’t care. Now please, Dom,” Billy pleaded.
“Okay. Just please let go of my arms. You’ve got them in the bloody grip of death or something.”
“Sorry,” Billy said as he let go of Dom’s arms. Dom immediately started rubbing them gently.
“I’m scared my parents will flip and think I’m nutters.”
“And?” Billy said, not satisfied.
“I shouldn’t care, but I do. About them, I mean. I’m too old to have them making my decisions, but I want them to accept this thing with Elijah and embrace him as Deborah did me.”
“Which you don’t think they will,” Billy said gently, trying to urge Dom along.
“Yes. All my mom ever says is ‘Dominic, when are you going to find yourself a nice girl? Dominic, you’re never going to find a girl to settle down if you keep running all over the world with those boys’, and the like. It’s damn near impossible to go through a conversation with her without a comment similar like that.” Dom leaned his head against the head rest and sighed.
“I’m sorry, Dom.”
“And I just had to get away from Elijah for a little bit.”
“What?” Billy asked, shocked.
“Bills, I love him. I do, more than I should. Sometimes it scares me how much I love him. But damn, the kid is so intense sometimes and it’s just overwhelming. I mean, he looks at you with those eyes, but he isn’t looking at you, he’s fucking digging into your soul, and then he just crawls into it and sits there and won’t leave. It’s exhausting, man.”
Billy was quiet while he listened to Dom ramble as he let everything out. He studied his friend carefully and was amazed that he had never felt half the things that Dom was dealing with. His parents never cared who he brought home as long as he or she was nice. And he had definitely never been in a love as intense as Dom and Elijah’s seemed to be. Billy reached over and patted Dom’s arm.
“I’m sorry, Bills. Damn, here I am just spilling everything to you and boring you to death.” Dom laughed a little.
“No, Dom. I asked you to tell me, and you obviously needed someone to talk to. Keep talking. We’ve got the majority of the Atlantic ahead of us.” Dom grinned and Billy couldn’t help but grin back.
“I really just want to sleep, Billy. I’m so tired.” Dom closed his eyes and Billy situated himself more comfortably in the seat. He was in the midst of trying to set up his headphones when Dom grabbed his hand and pulled it over to him.
“I love Elijah more than anything, but you’re my best friend. I’m glad you came with me.” Dom didn’t open his eyes, but smiled anyway. Billy squeezed Dom’s hand again.
“I’m glad I came too, mate.” Dom held fast to Billy’s hand, which didn’t bother Billy, so he just put on his headphones and fell asleep listening to some movie drone on in his ears.
* * * *
Dom nervously stepped out of the cab, Billy right behind. The Monaghan’s lived in a modest home in the English countryside that usually made Dom ecstatic to return to. For the first time Dom looked up at his parent’s home with dread growing in his stomach as each second ticked on. Billy finally had to give him a push to move out of the door of the cab because the cabbie was getting annoyed.
“It’ll go fine, Dom,” Billy whispered as they approached the door. Even Billy was nervous. He had never been to Dom’s parents’ home, and this was a definitely a strange way to visit. “Hi, I’m Billy Boyd, best friend to your gay son who’s here to come out of the closet” didn’t seem the way to introduce himself, but that’s what was running through his brain.
They finally approached the door – after what seemed like five hours, Billy mused – and were greeted by an older, attractive blonde lady.
“Dominic!” she said as she held out her arms to embrace her son. Aureen pulled away and looked curiously at Billy.
“I didn’t know you were bringing company, dear.”
“This is Billy Boyd. Billy, my mum, Aureen.” Billy extended his hand and Aureen took it happily.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Monaghan.”
“Call me, Aureen! Come in, come in! Austin, Dominic’s here and he’s brought a friend!”
Austin Monaghan came walking down the stairs, glasses perched on his nose and book in his hand. Billy noticed how much more Dom looked like his father than his mother.
“Dominic! This is such a pleasant surprise, especially for your mother.” Austin extended a hand to Billy. “I’m Austin.”
“Billy Boyd.”
“Which one are you?” Austin asked.
“Excuse me?”
“He’s Pippin, Dad. The one Merry spends most of his time with,” Dom called behind him as his mother led him down the hall towards the kitchen, leaving Billy alone in the hall with Austin.
“That’s me,” Billy said, grinning widely to cover up how uncomfortable he felt. Austin turned and followed Aureen and Dominic, and Billy followed him.
* * * *
Dom and Billy sat on the couch in the living after dinner. Austin and Aureen were having light conversation with Dom, but Billy kept mostly silent and sipped, or more appropriately gulped, his wine.
Billy could tell how tense Dom was and he wondered if his parents knew too. The way he sat very still, so un-Dom like, and twirled the wine glass between his fingers and didn’t touch a drop. It was okay, because Billy was drinking enough for the two of them combined.
“So,” Dom said during an uncomfortably long silence. Billy poured himself another drink.
“So,” Aureen said. Austin looked around stoically.
“For God’s sake, Dominic, tell us why you flew here,” Austin finally blurted out.
“Austin! Dominic, I’m sorry,” Aureen said, giving her husband a reprimanding look.
“Dad’s right. I did come here for a reason.”
“See, Aureen. I knew the boy didn’t fly all the way back home in the middle of his Mexican vacation with his friends just to visit.”
Dom took a deep breath and set the glass down on the table in front of him. He leaned forward and watched his parents for a few minutes. Billy gripped the glass so hard he was afraid it was going to shatter in his hands.
“I’ve met someone,” Dom said. He watched his parent’s reactions very closely. Aureen looked overjoyed and Austin looked suspicious.
“That’s wonderful, honey! Isn’t that wonderful, Austin? Who is she?” Aureen rambled happily.
“He, Mum. He.” Aureen’s face immediately dropped and both Austin and Aureen looked at Billy.
“Not me!” Billy squeaked a little too quickly. They turned back to Dom and Billy poured himself another glass of wine and downed it.
“Who?” Aureen asked quietly, fiddling with the strand of pearls on her neck.
“Elijah Wood.” Dom stared intently at his parents, trying hard not to waver.
“The little American kid with the big blue eyes?” Aureen finally asked.
“Which one is he?” Austin asked.
“Frodo, Dad! Frodo!” Dom shouted, shocking everyone in the room.
“Calm down, honey. Sorry, we get all the hobbits and elves and orbs mixed up,” Aureen said, trying to calm him.
“Orcs mom, ORCS! It’s not that difficult to remember!” Dom continued. He stood up and started pacing in front of his parents. They sat quiet, not saying anything.
“Well, aren’t you going to say anything?” Dom said quietly, stopping to stare at his parents.
“At least he’s attractive,” Aureen said, trying to lighten the situation. Dom rolled his eyes and plopped on the couch.
“What are you thinking, Dominic?” Austin suddenly boomed. “A guy? That means you’re gay. Gay!”
“I am very aware of that, Dad.”
“How could you even imagine looking at another guy like that, much less touching one? It’s disgusting. How could you do this to your family, your poor mother?” Austin looked at his son with disgust. Dom’s cheeks flushed red and his eyes flashed dangerously.
“How could I do this to you? It’s my life! I can do whatever I please!” Dom yelled.
“I can’t believe you. I raised you better that this,” Austin roared back. Billy noticed that Aureen looked lost and confused among the angry cries of her husband and son.
“I love him, Dad. And I’m going to be with him, whether you like it or not!” Dom said with finality. “Elijah’s mom accepted us, why can’t you?”
“Because I can’t even fathom the idea of my son touching another man, especially a skinny little American boy with freaky eyes.” Dom clenched his fists and started to get up, but Billy grabbed his arm and held him back.
“Just shut up, Dad. Shut up!” Dom said icily, shaking with anger.
“Don’t you tell me to shut up, boy. I’m still you’re father, and I’ll beat some sense into you if I have to, before it’s too late.” Austin and Dom were both wild with rage and Billy was getting nervous. He took another sip of wine to distract himself.
“It’s already too late! I’ve already been fucking him!” Billy choked on his wine as Dom stood up screaming and stared up at him in disbelief. “That’s right, Dad. /Gay/ sex. Up the ass, blow jobs, and all that good stuff. And I’m not ashamed of any of it!”
“Dominic, sit down!” Aureen commanded. Dom seemed to shake out of some anger induced trance and looked at his mother sitting there, shaking and silent tears sliding down her face. “Please, honey, sit down.” Dom sat down as Aureen rubbed her temples gingerly.
“Aureen, did you just hear what – “
“Austin, shut up. You’ve said enough. And yes, I heard everything.” He started to speak again but she gave him a warning look, and he sat there silent.
“Dominic, you’re my son, my baby. I can’t say that I’m not a little disappointed that my baby won’t be marrying a nice woman and having a family and children.” Dom started to say something, but Aureen put up her hand to stop him. “However, you are my son. And if this boy – “
“His name’s Elijah,” Dom seethed.
“Elijah. If Elijah is what you want and who you love, then what can I do but give you my blessing? I’d rather have my son and his – “ and at this she paused a moment and took a breath before continuing, “boyfriend than no son at all.” She gave Dom a weak smile which he returned broadly, relief washing over him.
“I’m not so easily accepting of this kind of perversion. I’m never going to accept having a gay son.” Austin stood up and walked angrily to the door. He turned around and looked at the group in the room. “I knew the moment you took the part in this movie it was a bad idea, but I hoped I was wrong. I didn’t realize I’d be so fucking right.” He turned again and stalked out of the room.
Dom was furiously blinking back tears, not wanting to let his dad make him cry like a little kid. He stood up and grabbed his wine glass and hurled it against the wall. It sent white whine flailing across the room and shattered loudly when it connected with the far wall. Dom let out a loud, gut wrenching scream that brought tears to Billy’s eyes.
“Dom,” Aureen started. Dom stopped her.
“No. You don’t have to make excuses for him.” Dom walked over and looked at her. “I’m glad you are happy for me. I don’t – “ he said, starting to get choked up, “I don’t think I could live without having your blessing.” A few silent tears cascaded down his face and Aureen gathered him into her arms. Billy watched mother and son embrace, and pretended not to notice Dom shaking with silent sobs.
* * * *
“Are you sure you have to go?” Aureen asked. The morning air was chilly and the cup of coffee Dom was holding wasn’t warming him up as much as it should.
“Yes. I need to get back to Elijah; I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’m sure he’s going to be worried.” Dom looked up into the second floor bedroom window and caught a glance of his father walking away quickly. “Plus, I just can’t stand to be in the same house with him right now.”
“I’ll talk to your father. He’ll come around. He loves you too much not to. Give him a little bit of time.” Aureen kissed Dom on the cheek and hugged him. “I miss you too much sometimes, child. You have to come see me again soon and for longer than a day.”
“I will, Mum. As soon as I get a chance.”
“Bring Elijah. I want to meet him.” Dom’s face lit up at her suggestion.
“Really?”
“Really. I want you to call me when you get home so I can talk to him. I’ve got to make sure my baby’s being taken care of.” Dom hugged his mom again as Billy stumbled sleepily out of the front door.
“I can’t do this very often, Dom. I’m getting too old.” Billy took a sip of coffee and readjusted the bag on his shoulder.
“Next time don’t drink two bottles of wine and you should be fine,” Dom joked. Billy glared at him.
“It was very nice meeting you, Billy,” Aureen said, giving Billy a hug. “You’ll have to come back with Dominic sometime soon.”
“I will. Thank you. And it was very nice meeting you.” The cab arrived at that moment, so Dom gave his mother a final kiss goodbye, threw his stuff in the trunk along with Billy’s, and got into the backseat.
“I’m sorry you had to be there for all that last night, Bills. No one should have had to see that.” Billy patted Dom on the arm.
“Aye, mate, but that’s what I was there for.”
“I know. I couldn’t have done it alone. Thank you.” Dom grinned at Billy.
“You just owe me big now,” Billy joked and was rewarded with a punch in the arm.
“I can’t wait to get back to Mexico. The warm air, the waves, and Elijah. I wonder what he’s doing,” Dom asked, half worried.
“Probably driving Orlando insane,” Billy said. Dom laughed and laid his head against the cool window, resting until they got to the airport.
* * * *
Elijah sat on the couch, catatonically watching a movie. Orlando walked in from his bedroom and glanced bleary-eyed over to the couch.
“Elijah, you awake, mate?”
No answer. Orlando scratched his head in confusion and walked to the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later and went over to the couch. Elijah was staring blankly ahead while a late night B movie droned on in the background.
“Elijah. Earth calling Elwood. Fucking snap out of it, mate!” Orlando grabbed Elijah’s shoulders and shook him. He watched in horror as Elijah’s head rolled around freely.
“Fuck!” he said as he threw Elijah back down to the couch. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he continued to mutter as he walked away.
“It’s been three days, Orli. Three days. Three days with no note, no call, nothing. It’s like he just left and didn’t care. What did I do?”
“Nothing, Lij. Nothing. You’re not the reason he left, I promise. I don’t know why in the fuck the two cunts decided to leave without telling us, but I’m sure there is a good reason.” Orlando patted Elijah’s arm. “And when they get back I’m going to kick each of their asses respectively.”
“I can’t do this, mate. I can’t handle him disappearing without a trace and leaving me here alone to wonder where in the hell he is and what I did to drive him away.”
“I don’t blame you. It’s not fair.” Orlando yawned and looked at the clock. “I’m going back to bed for awhile. You sure you don’t want to try and get some rest? You haven’t slept much in the last couple days.”
“I’m fine here. Good night.” Orlando lingered a moment in the doorway and watched Elijah carefully. The boy was a mess; Orlando made a vow to kill Dom whenever he returned.
Elijah lay on the couch staring at the television and flipping though the channels. He didn’t see anything that was flashing by. It was only something for his hand to do while his mind ate away at his soul.
Out the window the first few rays of light were peeking out from the horizon. Another day starting with no Dom. He was fed up and couldn’t take it anymore.
“The stupid, fucking, selfish bastard.” Elijah sat up, rubbed his eyes, and looked around the room. He padded into the kitchen, and looking through the cabinets, found a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass over ice. Downing the first glass, he quickly poured himself another. Glass in hand, he started rummaging through the drawers, desperately searching for a knife.
“Can’t do this,” he muttered to himself over and over as he moved silverware around in the drawers. He finally found a knife and laid it on the counter while he poured himself another drink. His stomach was beginning to get a little weak, but he didn’t pay any attention to it. He drank the amber liquid quickly, grimacing as he swallowed the last drop. Shakily, Elijah picked up the knife and looked at it carefully. The blade was so smooth and shiny, and Elijah looked at his distorted reflection off the silver metal. He stared at it for awhile, trying to decipher something important out of it. He was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, and his vision went slightly blurry.
Elijah leaned against the refrigerator and slid slowly down to the floor, whiskey bottle in one hand, knife in the other. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips and chugged, but discarded it as he doubled over and threw up on the floor beside him. He scooted away from his mess, gripping the hilt of the blade tightly in his hand. A couple of deep breaths and then he would get rid of this pain Dom had given him. Just a few more breaths, Elijah thought as he positioned the knife over the pale skin of his forearm, just a few more breaths.
* * * *
Dom and Billy walked into the house like zombies. Both were jet-lagged, tired, and disoriented. All either wanted to do was to crawl into bed and sleep for at least a day. They both headed back towards their rooms, and Dom was surprised to find his empty. He peered into the bathroom, walked back through the living room, and finally decided to check the kitchen.
Dom opened the door and cried out in shock. Elijah was lying on the floor, knife in one hand, bottle overturned and whiskey pooled at his head, and a puddle of what appeared to be vomit a few feet away.
“Oh, God. Billy!” Dom screamed as he ran back towards Billy and Orlando’s room. “Billy!”
Billy came out of the room frantically, while Orlando fell out of bed in the room behind him.
“Billy. Elijah,” was all Dom could get out before Billy was bolting through the house, Orlando closely following. Dom entered the kitchen after them, shaking with worry, stress, and shock.
“Fuck,” Orlando exclaimed as he surveyed the kitchen.
“Stupid bastard,” Billy said, walking over and looking at Elijah closely. “The fucker passed out. No fucking wonder. He smells just like whiskey. And I doubt it’s because he’s lying in it.” Billy dragged Elijah over to Dom. “Take him and put him in the shower. He’s disgusting. Orlando and I will clean this shit up.”
Dom lifted Elijah to his feet and dragged him to the bathroom as Orlando and Billy started to clean up the mess.
Dom slammed the door behind him and sat Elijah on the toilet. He leaned Elijah against the sink as he turned on the shower, but changed his mind and ran a bath. He took off all of Elijah’s clothes, trying hard to not be furious. He resisted the urge to throw Elijah into the bathtub and leave him there to drown.
“Why, Elijah? Why? I can’t deal with this every time I go somewhere,” Dom said to Elijah’s unconscious form. Dom took off his own clothes and stepped into the bath, very clumsily pulling Elijah in with him. He sat them both slowly down in the water and started sponging Elijah off. Elijah started to stir, blinked a few times and looked around confused.
“What in the hell?” he said almost inaudibly.
“You threw up all over yourself and passed out in whiskey. I’m now attempting to clean you off,” Dom said harshly.
“Dom? Oh God, I’m so drunk. Are you really here?” Elijah turned around slowly and grinned like an idiot when he saw Dom. “You came back!”
“Did you think I wouldn’t? God, you need to get a fucking grip on yourself.” Dom brought the rag to Elijah’s face and started wiping it off gingerly.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Elijah said.
“Shit. Lean over to the toilet,” Dom ordered, helping lift Elijah far enough over so he could reach the toilet. Elijah gripped the sides of the bowl and threw up. Dom patted his back as his body jerked and heaved. Elijah reached up and pulled the handle as he leaned back into the tub.
“Oh God, Dom, I think I’m going to die. I think I lost a lung there.” Elijah lay back on Dom’s chest and breathed slowly in and out. Dom took the rag and cleaned his face off again.
“You’re a fucking mess. I swear, if you do this to me one more time, Elijah Jordan Wood, I am leaving your pathetic ass.” Dom kissed the side of Elijah’s head and smoothed his hair back. “Why do you do this kind of stuff? Why do you do this to yourself?”
“You left me again,” Elijah said. He rolled his head to the side and rested his cheek against Dom’s chest. “No note, no call, no nothing. I thought you hated me.”
“Elijah, that’s ridiculous,” Dom said, kissing Elijah’s forehead. “I love you. I would never hate you.”
“It hurts when you’re not here. Like deep in my chest. So deep I think I’ll never be happy again and it will all just keep hurting me until I go mad. I wanted to control the pain and be strong for you. I wanted to make the pain go away, make it be my pain like Orli does. But I didn’t. I’m sorry.” Dom didn’t know what to say to this and it didn’t matter anyway with Elijah so drunk. He kissed Elijah’s forehead again and sat up.
“Come on, love. Let’s get you to bed. You need rest, and I think that if I don’t get some sleep I’m going to die.” Dom started helping Elijah stand.
“No!” Elijah screamed, catching Dom off guard and he slipped.
“What?” Dom said as Elijah frantically started grabbing him.
“You can’t die! You can’t leave me,” Elijah screamed. Dom grabbed him firmly by the shoulders.
“Elijah. Look at me. Calm down. I am not going anywhere, understand that. Do you understand me?” Dom looked at Elijah intently, who just blinked back blankly. “Elijah? I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
“Okay.” Elijah shook his head in understanding. Dom helped him finish getting out of the bath, wrapped a towel around them both, and led him slowly to their room. He saw Billy and Orlando in the hall, and just nodded to let them know Elijah was okay.
Dom closed the door behind him and sat Elijah down on the bed. He fumbled through a drawer and got both of them boxers. He put his on quickly and walked over to Elijah, who was staring at the wall in front of him.
“Elijah, stand up for a second so you can pull these on, okay?” Elijah obeyed and Dom somehow managed to get him to step into the boxers and pull them up. “Let’s go to bed, okay baby?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
Dom put Elijah into bed and walked around to the other side, crawling in himself. Elijah automatically placed himself in Dom’s arms and fell right to sleep. Dom rubbed his temples gingerly in an attempt to lessen the splitting headache he had accumulated. He glanced over at the clock, which read 6:48. Dom silently cursed and situated himself around Elijah before passing out himself.
* * * *
“Orlando?”
“Yes, Billy?”
“You think Lij is going to be all right?” Billy rolled over and peered through the darkness, waiting for his eyes to adjust. He could faintly make out a dark mass moving which he hoped was Orlando.
“He’ll be fine. The kid’s confused. And desperately in love with Dom.” Orlando paused a moment, and Billy kept talking.
“Why did you tell him, you know, about your habit?”
“My habit? Huh. Well, we just started talking about pain. And being in love.”
“Ever been in love, mate?”
“Nope. You?” Billy could hear Orlando shifting in the bed. He was beginning to be able to make out things in the dark and could see Orlando facing him. Billy took a deep breath before answering.
“Once. Long time ago.”
“Think you’ll ever fall in love again?”
“Maybe.” Billy laughed mirthlessly. “I’m not really looking for it.”
“What are you looking for?” Orlando asked.
“Come again,” Billy said, confused.
“Never mind.”
“No. What am I looking for? Was that the question?”
“Yeah.”
“Nothing really. If something comes along, I’ll take it. If not, I guess no big deal.”
“Oh.”
“Why?” Orlando was really acting strange and Billy was beginning to get terribly lost in the conversation. He had no clue what Orlando was after, and being jet-lagged and exhausted didn’t help any.
“Nothing.”
“Orlando. It’s 7 a.m. and I haven’t really slept in three days. Quit acting all weird and just talk, damn you.” Billy surprised himself at how snappish he was being with Orlando.
“Dom and Lij, what they have, as fucked up as it is, would be nice. I’m almost jealous, you know?” Billy could hear Orlando moving around in his bed and saw that he was sitting up then.
“I don’t know. I’m happy for them.”
“I am too, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve never been in love and it would be a nice change from the random one night fucks I have.” Billy sat up and gazed at Orlando across the room. It was odd for Billy to fathom that the beautiful man sitting on the bed in front of him had never been in love.
“But there’s so many things to love about you. I can’t believe no one has even tried.”
“I don’t let people get close. Well, before all of you. I just don’t want to get hurt.”
“Orlando, that’s part of love, getting hurt. You can’t hide yourself away like you do. You’ll never find anything.”
“Billy, kiss me,” Orlando said suddenly. Billy and Orlando both stared at each other in the dark. Billy couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Did Orli just say – yes. He did.
The room was thick with tension. They both sat still in the dark, and Billy wished desperately that the curtains weren’t closed tight so he could see. Neither moved a muscle for a few moments, and then Billy stood up shakily and walked over to the bed. Even in the dark he could see Orlando’s dark eyes shining up at him.
“Billy, I – “ Billy cut him off by pressing his lips lightly to Orlando’s. Orlando wrapped his arms around Billy’s neck, pulled him down onto the bed. Billy stretched atop Orlando’s lean body, cupping his cheek softly. Orlando slid his hand down to the hem of Billy’s shirt and pressed his palm against Billy’s warm skin.
“No, Orlando,” Billy said, pulling up and stroking Orlando’s cheek. Orlando started to say something but Billy pressed a finger to his lip. He ran his thumb along Orlando’s puffy mouth and looked down sweetly. “This isn’t about sex. It may not be about love. But if it’s anything, it’s going to be about something.” Billy kissed Orlando passionately again. Orlando’s hands roamed through Billy’s hair, along his chin, and across his shoulders. Their motions were slow, relaxed, and meaningful. Billy then rolled over onto the bed and buried himself under the covers.
“I’ve kept you up too long.” Orlando smiled as he looked into Billy’s eyes. Billy kissed Orlando again and scooted closer.
“It was worth it. Now, let’s go to sleep so I might be able to wake up tomorrow.” Billy closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Orlando kissed his eyelids.
“Good night, Billy.” Orlando wrapped his arms around Billy and fell asleep to the sound of his even breathing.
* * * *
Dom stirred as he felt Elijah moving beside him. He rolled over and threw his arm around the moving body, pulling it back next to him.
“Where are you going?” Dom whispered without opening his eyes. He felt Elijah struggle against his arm, but didn’t let go.
“I really got to piss. So, either let me go or I’m going to piss on your side of the bed.”
“Someone’s grumpy with a hangover.” Dom let go of Elijah, still not opening his eyes. He heard Elijah open the door and walk into the bathroom, and a few minutes later walk back into the room and close the door again. “What time is it?”
“Ten.”
“A.M. or P.M.?”
“P.M. Why in the hell would we be up at 10 a.m.?” Dom rolled over and opened his eyes. Elijah was getting a cigarette out of the pack and looking for a lighter.
“It’s on the windowsill.” Elijah walked over to the windowsill and picked up the lighter lying there. “I don’t think I’m ever going to wake up again.” Dom stretched out on his back and kicked the covers off himself.
“We leave day after tomorrow. I hope you won’t spend the rest of the trip sleeping.”
“Bless Peter’s heart for this week break. I was about to go crazy on set. But after this, no more breaks ever, I think. Dammit.” Dom watched Elijah sitting by the windowsill, sucking thoughtfully on a cigarette, moonlight from the slits around the curtains playing across his skin.
“Where did you go?” Elijah asked slowly, not really looking at Dom. He was closely watching the smoke rise to the ceiling.
“England.”
“Why did you take Billy?”
“I needed someone to go with me.”
“Why Billy?”
“Because he’s my best friend.”
“What am I?”
“Dammit, Lij,” Dom said, covering his face with his hands. “My lover. My boyfriend. Fuck.”
“Then why in the hell did you fucking leave without a goddamn note? Do you know what you put me through, you stupid cunt!” Elijah demanded.
“Keep your voice down. We don’t want Billy and Orli to know every damn thing.”
“Fuck if I will.”
“Shut up, Elijah, and let me fucking explain.” Dom leaned up off the bed a little and looked at Elijah, who was clutching the cigarette tightly in his shaking fingers.
“Then fucking do it,” Elijah spat. Dom sat up Indian style and breathed in deeply.
“I couldn’t tell my mom over the phone about you. That I was with you and that I was gay. All she ever talks about is how I need to find some nice girl to settle down with. I was on the phone with her and just made the decision.” Dom paused and Elijah jumped in.
“Just like that. ‘Oh, hey mum. I’m coming home’,” Elijah mocked.
“Yes. Just like that. Billy was here; I didn’t want to go alone. I asked him to go and we left right then.” Dom paused again and Elijah remained silent. “I didn’t mean to not let you know where I was. I was just in a hurry. I wanted to tell my parents about you as soon as I could.”
Elijah sat there, completely silent and still. The bright orange light from the burning cigarette was the only thing Dom could stare at, waiting on bated breath for Elijah’s response. The cigarette burned slowly, the long ash finally breaking off and crashing onto Elijah’s bare foot. He didn’t notice.
“You could have left a note. Or taken me with you. Or – “
“Shut up! Fuck! Shut up!” Dom screamed, surprising them both. Elijah stared at him openmouthed while he tried to pull himself together. “You don’t have a fucking clue. I didn’t leave to hurt you. You need to stop being so bloody insecure. I can’t live with you going nutters every time I am not with you.”
“Oh, I see – “ Elijah started, but Dom cut him off.
“No, you don’t. You think that a trip home to tell my parents I’m fucking my male costar was easy? Crushing my mother’s hopes for a nice daughter-in-law and grandkids running around the bloody tree at Christmas time? Having my dad look me straight in the eye and tell me he – “ Dom faltered as his voice broke slightly. He choked back a sob and Elijah looked over at him, anger melting away into concern. “He called you a skinny American with freaky eyes, told me he’d beat sense into me.” Dom stopped, lowering his head and nonchalantly trying to wipe away the tears escaping from his eyes. Elijah slowly peeled himself out of the chair and padded over to the bed, sitting beside Dom and touching his shoulder softly. “He told me he’d never accept having a gay son. My own father.” Dom broke and grabbed onto Elijah, pulling at his bare arms and soaking his chest with tears. Elijah wrapped his arms around Dom tightly, trying to keep himself together for Dom.
“Dom, oh baby,” Elijah said, trying desperately to think of something to say. “Don’t cry. I love you. Oh God, I love you.”
“My dad disowns me, my mother has her dreams crushed, my boyfriend tries to commit suicide and gets pissed off at me.” Dom lifted his head and peered at Elijah through tear-soaked lashes. Elijah ran his fingers along Dom’s cheeks, wiping falling tears from them. “I fucked everything up, and all I was trying to do was come clean and let everyone important know I love you.”
“You didn’t fuck everything up.” Elijah kissed Dom’s forehead softly. “You did nothing of the sort.”
“God, Lij. I can’t take anything else.” Dom rested his forehead on Elijah’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “My parents, your episodes. It’s all too much to deal with.” Elijah rubbed Dom’s back soothingly for a few moments before standing up. He walked over to the window and nervously lit up another cigarette.
“What?” Dom shifted on the bed, watching Elijah’s back tremble.
“This may not work.”
“Excuse me?” Dom started shaking and tears threaten to fall again, but he blinked them back furiously.
“I can’t change.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“No, Dom. The episodes as you call them. I know, I have issues. Known it all my life. There is nothing I can do about them. I can’t change the fact that blood and pain fascinates me, whether it’s oozing out of a wound I’ve inflicted upon myself, someone else’s, or during sex. And I’ll always have days when I miss you so much that I can’t breathe and I think I’m going to die. I will love you too much because I’m afraid if I don’t, you’ll leave me. I’ll get jealous and possessive and mad at you for no apparent reason. But I love you. I love you more than anything. But if you can’t handle these episodes – “
“Elijah, please stop. With you I get everything that comes with it. Hell, everything in my life has just turned upside down in the last fucking week. My best friends slice me so I can be in some society. I fall in love with my very best friend and start shagging him, my dad disowns me, and my boyfriend goes psycho and cuts himself every time I leave. Some happy go lucky life for me.”
Elijah sucked at his cigarette thoughtfully, pulling the curtains back and looking out into the night. “Dom, we never said we were perfect. We’re a fucked up bunch of blokes. But what no one knows won’t hurt them.” Elijah puts out his cigarette and walks over to Dom, crawling into his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. “But I do love you.”
“And God, I love you, Elijah. But you’ve got to realize a few things.”
“What?”
“I love you. I’m not going to leave you and if I ever get ready to I will tell you. You’ve got to trust me enough that I’m not going to up and leave.”
“Dom, you just don’t understand.”
“Yes, I do.” Dom trailed his fingers lightly along Elijah’s cheeks. “Everyone is afraid on some level they’re going to be abandoned. But I won’t abandon you. You can’t force me to stay with you by freaking out every time I do. You’ve got to trust me. Can you do that?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe’s not good enough, Lij. You’ve got to work though these problems. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for me. If you don’t, one day it will destroy us.” Elijah sat there for a moment, thinking. Dom played absently with the hair at the base of his neck, watching his face like it was the last thing he would ever see.
“Okay. I’ll do something. I’ll see a psychologist or whatever you want.”
“We’ll see how you do alone, then we’ll go from there. Sound good?” Dom kissed his forehead lightly.
“Okay.”
Dom leaned in and kissed Elijah sweetly. There was no hurry, no urgency, just feeling and love. Dom pulled Elijah down onto the bed with him without breaking the kiss, not wanting to leave those addictive lips. After minutes of being lost in each other, Dom pulled away, panting heavily, and crawled back into bed.
“Let’s get some more sleep so we don’t waste our last couple days here.” Elijah snuggled up close to Dom and they both fell right back into a comfortable slumber.
* * * *
Elijah and Orlando walked out of the water and threw their surfboards on the sand.
“Fuck this,” Orlando said aggravated. “That’s all the damn surfing I’m doing for the rest of my bloody life.”
“Bullshit,” Billy called from his and Dom’s refuge up on a bank of sand overlooking the ocean. Orlando and Elijah trudged up the hill and plopped down beside them.
“That kicked my ass,” Elijah said, laying his head in Dom’s lap and closing his eyes. Dom rubbed his hand through Elijah’s wet locks lazily, Elijah smiling slightly.
“I seriously never want to surf again.” Orlando grabbed a drink out of a cooler and leaned back on his elbows, stretching his long legs out before him. Billy buried his toe under the white sand and kicked a small amount onto Orlando’s leg. Orlando shook it off his leg without paying much attention to it. Billy did it again and Orlando looked over at him.
“Do it again, Boyd, and you’re dead,” Orlando challenged. Billy dug his entire foot into the sand and flung the whole heap at Orlando. He immediately stood up and started running down to the beach, Orlando following quickly. Elijah and Dom watched them interested, chasing each other along the beach like children.
“They’re quite cute actually,” Elijah said as Orlando tackled Billy to the ground and poured wet sand all over his chest and rubbed it in.
“I guess.” Dom grabbed Elijah’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “How you doing today?”
“Great. Not ready to go back to filming. Peter’s going to punish us all for taking this vacation, I can feel it.”
“Going to be all right?”
“As long as you’re with me.” Dom gave Elijah a warning glance and he sighed. “Yes, Dom. I’m going to be fine.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want to kick your ass,” Dom said. They turned when they heard Billy yell something and watched as Orlando locked him into a kiss.
“This is really very pervy,” Elijah said. “Watching our two best mates make out on the beach.”
“It’s kind of turning me on. How ‘bout you?”
“Totally.” Elijah looked up at Dom, who was looking at him with a devilish grin.
“Want to find somewhere close by and shag each other senseless against a rough tree?” Dom asked, looking around.
“I thought you’d never ask.” They stood up and ran towards a secluded grove of trees, leaving Orlando and Billy making out in the wet sand.
~Fin
Header info in part one.
Billy looked over at Dom, who had done nothing but stare out of the window since they had boarded the plane three hours ago. The silence and the tension was driving Billy insane.
“Dom, please, say something. This silence is driving me crazy.”
Dom turned his head slowly and looked at Billy. “The window is cold,” he said in a flat monotone and turned back to gaze out the window. Billy had had it. He grabbed Dom’s shoulders and turned his upper body so they were facing each other and held him there so he wouldn’t be able to turn around.
“Dom, I’m begging. Tell me what’s going on. I’m so confused. Since I’m going to another continent with you, tell me why I’m fucking going.”
“I told you. I’m going to tell my parents about Elijah. Now let go of me.” Dom tried to shake off Billy’s grasp, but he held firm.
“No. There’s more to this. Tell me, damn it!” Billy shouted. A few fellow passengers shot them wary glances, but Billy didn’t seem to notice.
“Keep your voice down. You’re drawing attention to yourself.”
“I don’t care. Now please, Dom,” Billy pleaded.
“Okay. Just please let go of my arms. You’ve got them in the bloody grip of death or something.”
“Sorry,” Billy said as he let go of Dom’s arms. Dom immediately started rubbing them gently.
“I’m scared my parents will flip and think I’m nutters.”
“And?” Billy said, not satisfied.
“I shouldn’t care, but I do. About them, I mean. I’m too old to have them making my decisions, but I want them to accept this thing with Elijah and embrace him as Deborah did me.”
“Which you don’t think they will,” Billy said gently, trying to urge Dom along.
“Yes. All my mom ever says is ‘Dominic, when are you going to find yourself a nice girl? Dominic, you’re never going to find a girl to settle down if you keep running all over the world with those boys’, and the like. It’s damn near impossible to go through a conversation with her without a comment similar like that.” Dom leaned his head against the head rest and sighed.
“I’m sorry, Dom.”
“And I just had to get away from Elijah for a little bit.”
“What?” Billy asked, shocked.
“Bills, I love him. I do, more than I should. Sometimes it scares me how much I love him. But damn, the kid is so intense sometimes and it’s just overwhelming. I mean, he looks at you with those eyes, but he isn’t looking at you, he’s fucking digging into your soul, and then he just crawls into it and sits there and won’t leave. It’s exhausting, man.”
Billy was quiet while he listened to Dom ramble as he let everything out. He studied his friend carefully and was amazed that he had never felt half the things that Dom was dealing with. His parents never cared who he brought home as long as he or she was nice. And he had definitely never been in a love as intense as Dom and Elijah’s seemed to be. Billy reached over and patted Dom’s arm.
“I’m sorry, Bills. Damn, here I am just spilling everything to you and boring you to death.” Dom laughed a little.
“No, Dom. I asked you to tell me, and you obviously needed someone to talk to. Keep talking. We’ve got the majority of the Atlantic ahead of us.” Dom grinned and Billy couldn’t help but grin back.
“I really just want to sleep, Billy. I’m so tired.” Dom closed his eyes and Billy situated himself more comfortably in the seat. He was in the midst of trying to set up his headphones when Dom grabbed his hand and pulled it over to him.
“I love Elijah more than anything, but you’re my best friend. I’m glad you came with me.” Dom didn’t open his eyes, but smiled anyway. Billy squeezed Dom’s hand again.
“I’m glad I came too, mate.” Dom held fast to Billy’s hand, which didn’t bother Billy, so he just put on his headphones and fell asleep listening to some movie drone on in his ears.
* * * *
Dom nervously stepped out of the cab, Billy right behind. The Monaghan’s lived in a modest home in the English countryside that usually made Dom ecstatic to return to. For the first time Dom looked up at his parent’s home with dread growing in his stomach as each second ticked on. Billy finally had to give him a push to move out of the door of the cab because the cabbie was getting annoyed.
“It’ll go fine, Dom,” Billy whispered as they approached the door. Even Billy was nervous. He had never been to Dom’s parents’ home, and this was a definitely a strange way to visit. “Hi, I’m Billy Boyd, best friend to your gay son who’s here to come out of the closet” didn’t seem the way to introduce himself, but that’s what was running through his brain.
They finally approached the door – after what seemed like five hours, Billy mused – and were greeted by an older, attractive blonde lady.
“Dominic!” she said as she held out her arms to embrace her son. Aureen pulled away and looked curiously at Billy.
“I didn’t know you were bringing company, dear.”
“This is Billy Boyd. Billy, my mum, Aureen.” Billy extended his hand and Aureen took it happily.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Monaghan.”
“Call me, Aureen! Come in, come in! Austin, Dominic’s here and he’s brought a friend!”
Austin Monaghan came walking down the stairs, glasses perched on his nose and book in his hand. Billy noticed how much more Dom looked like his father than his mother.
“Dominic! This is such a pleasant surprise, especially for your mother.” Austin extended a hand to Billy. “I’m Austin.”
“Billy Boyd.”
“Which one are you?” Austin asked.
“Excuse me?”
“He’s Pippin, Dad. The one Merry spends most of his time with,” Dom called behind him as his mother led him down the hall towards the kitchen, leaving Billy alone in the hall with Austin.
“That’s me,” Billy said, grinning widely to cover up how uncomfortable he felt. Austin turned and followed Aureen and Dominic, and Billy followed him.
* * * *
Dom and Billy sat on the couch in the living after dinner. Austin and Aureen were having light conversation with Dom, but Billy kept mostly silent and sipped, or more appropriately gulped, his wine.
Billy could tell how tense Dom was and he wondered if his parents knew too. The way he sat very still, so un-Dom like, and twirled the wine glass between his fingers and didn’t touch a drop. It was okay, because Billy was drinking enough for the two of them combined.
“So,” Dom said during an uncomfortably long silence. Billy poured himself another drink.
“So,” Aureen said. Austin looked around stoically.
“For God’s sake, Dominic, tell us why you flew here,” Austin finally blurted out.
“Austin! Dominic, I’m sorry,” Aureen said, giving her husband a reprimanding look.
“Dad’s right. I did come here for a reason.”
“See, Aureen. I knew the boy didn’t fly all the way back home in the middle of his Mexican vacation with his friends just to visit.”
Dom took a deep breath and set the glass down on the table in front of him. He leaned forward and watched his parents for a few minutes. Billy gripped the glass so hard he was afraid it was going to shatter in his hands.
“I’ve met someone,” Dom said. He watched his parent’s reactions very closely. Aureen looked overjoyed and Austin looked suspicious.
“That’s wonderful, honey! Isn’t that wonderful, Austin? Who is she?” Aureen rambled happily.
“He, Mum. He.” Aureen’s face immediately dropped and both Austin and Aureen looked at Billy.
“Not me!” Billy squeaked a little too quickly. They turned back to Dom and Billy poured himself another glass of wine and downed it.
“Who?” Aureen asked quietly, fiddling with the strand of pearls on her neck.
“Elijah Wood.” Dom stared intently at his parents, trying hard not to waver.
“The little American kid with the big blue eyes?” Aureen finally asked.
“Which one is he?” Austin asked.
“Frodo, Dad! Frodo!” Dom shouted, shocking everyone in the room.
“Calm down, honey. Sorry, we get all the hobbits and elves and orbs mixed up,” Aureen said, trying to calm him.
“Orcs mom, ORCS! It’s not that difficult to remember!” Dom continued. He stood up and started pacing in front of his parents. They sat quiet, not saying anything.
“Well, aren’t you going to say anything?” Dom said quietly, stopping to stare at his parents.
“At least he’s attractive,” Aureen said, trying to lighten the situation. Dom rolled his eyes and plopped on the couch.
“What are you thinking, Dominic?” Austin suddenly boomed. “A guy? That means you’re gay. Gay!”
“I am very aware of that, Dad.”
“How could you even imagine looking at another guy like that, much less touching one? It’s disgusting. How could you do this to your family, your poor mother?” Austin looked at his son with disgust. Dom’s cheeks flushed red and his eyes flashed dangerously.
“How could I do this to you? It’s my life! I can do whatever I please!” Dom yelled.
“I can’t believe you. I raised you better that this,” Austin roared back. Billy noticed that Aureen looked lost and confused among the angry cries of her husband and son.
“I love him, Dad. And I’m going to be with him, whether you like it or not!” Dom said with finality. “Elijah’s mom accepted us, why can’t you?”
“Because I can’t even fathom the idea of my son touching another man, especially a skinny little American boy with freaky eyes.” Dom clenched his fists and started to get up, but Billy grabbed his arm and held him back.
“Just shut up, Dad. Shut up!” Dom said icily, shaking with anger.
“Don’t you tell me to shut up, boy. I’m still you’re father, and I’ll beat some sense into you if I have to, before it’s too late.” Austin and Dom were both wild with rage and Billy was getting nervous. He took another sip of wine to distract himself.
“It’s already too late! I’ve already been fucking him!” Billy choked on his wine as Dom stood up screaming and stared up at him in disbelief. “That’s right, Dad. /Gay/ sex. Up the ass, blow jobs, and all that good stuff. And I’m not ashamed of any of it!”
“Dominic, sit down!” Aureen commanded. Dom seemed to shake out of some anger induced trance and looked at his mother sitting there, shaking and silent tears sliding down her face. “Please, honey, sit down.” Dom sat down as Aureen rubbed her temples gingerly.
“Aureen, did you just hear what – “
“Austin, shut up. You’ve said enough. And yes, I heard everything.” He started to speak again but she gave him a warning look, and he sat there silent.
“Dominic, you’re my son, my baby. I can’t say that I’m not a little disappointed that my baby won’t be marrying a nice woman and having a family and children.” Dom started to say something, but Aureen put up her hand to stop him. “However, you are my son. And if this boy – “
“His name’s Elijah,” Dom seethed.
“Elijah. If Elijah is what you want and who you love, then what can I do but give you my blessing? I’d rather have my son and his – “ and at this she paused a moment and took a breath before continuing, “boyfriend than no son at all.” She gave Dom a weak smile which he returned broadly, relief washing over him.
“I’m not so easily accepting of this kind of perversion. I’m never going to accept having a gay son.” Austin stood up and walked angrily to the door. He turned around and looked at the group in the room. “I knew the moment you took the part in this movie it was a bad idea, but I hoped I was wrong. I didn’t realize I’d be so fucking right.” He turned again and stalked out of the room.
Dom was furiously blinking back tears, not wanting to let his dad make him cry like a little kid. He stood up and grabbed his wine glass and hurled it against the wall. It sent white whine flailing across the room and shattered loudly when it connected with the far wall. Dom let out a loud, gut wrenching scream that brought tears to Billy’s eyes.
“Dom,” Aureen started. Dom stopped her.
“No. You don’t have to make excuses for him.” Dom walked over and looked at her. “I’m glad you are happy for me. I don’t – “ he said, starting to get choked up, “I don’t think I could live without having your blessing.” A few silent tears cascaded down his face and Aureen gathered him into her arms. Billy watched mother and son embrace, and pretended not to notice Dom shaking with silent sobs.
* * * *
“Are you sure you have to go?” Aureen asked. The morning air was chilly and the cup of coffee Dom was holding wasn’t warming him up as much as it should.
“Yes. I need to get back to Elijah; I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’m sure he’s going to be worried.” Dom looked up into the second floor bedroom window and caught a glance of his father walking away quickly. “Plus, I just can’t stand to be in the same house with him right now.”
“I’ll talk to your father. He’ll come around. He loves you too much not to. Give him a little bit of time.” Aureen kissed Dom on the cheek and hugged him. “I miss you too much sometimes, child. You have to come see me again soon and for longer than a day.”
“I will, Mum. As soon as I get a chance.”
“Bring Elijah. I want to meet him.” Dom’s face lit up at her suggestion.
“Really?”
“Really. I want you to call me when you get home so I can talk to him. I’ve got to make sure my baby’s being taken care of.” Dom hugged his mom again as Billy stumbled sleepily out of the front door.
“I can’t do this very often, Dom. I’m getting too old.” Billy took a sip of coffee and readjusted the bag on his shoulder.
“Next time don’t drink two bottles of wine and you should be fine,” Dom joked. Billy glared at him.
“It was very nice meeting you, Billy,” Aureen said, giving Billy a hug. “You’ll have to come back with Dominic sometime soon.”
“I will. Thank you. And it was very nice meeting you.” The cab arrived at that moment, so Dom gave his mother a final kiss goodbye, threw his stuff in the trunk along with Billy’s, and got into the backseat.
“I’m sorry you had to be there for all that last night, Bills. No one should have had to see that.” Billy patted Dom on the arm.
“Aye, mate, but that’s what I was there for.”
“I know. I couldn’t have done it alone. Thank you.” Dom grinned at Billy.
“You just owe me big now,” Billy joked and was rewarded with a punch in the arm.
“I can’t wait to get back to Mexico. The warm air, the waves, and Elijah. I wonder what he’s doing,” Dom asked, half worried.
“Probably driving Orlando insane,” Billy said. Dom laughed and laid his head against the cool window, resting until they got to the airport.
* * * *
Elijah sat on the couch, catatonically watching a movie. Orlando walked in from his bedroom and glanced bleary-eyed over to the couch.
“Elijah, you awake, mate?”
No answer. Orlando scratched his head in confusion and walked to the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later and went over to the couch. Elijah was staring blankly ahead while a late night B movie droned on in the background.
“Elijah. Earth calling Elwood. Fucking snap out of it, mate!” Orlando grabbed Elijah’s shoulders and shook him. He watched in horror as Elijah’s head rolled around freely.
“Fuck!” he said as he threw Elijah back down to the couch. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he continued to mutter as he walked away.
“It’s been three days, Orli. Three days. Three days with no note, no call, nothing. It’s like he just left and didn’t care. What did I do?”
“Nothing, Lij. Nothing. You’re not the reason he left, I promise. I don’t know why in the fuck the two cunts decided to leave without telling us, but I’m sure there is a good reason.” Orlando patted Elijah’s arm. “And when they get back I’m going to kick each of their asses respectively.”
“I can’t do this, mate. I can’t handle him disappearing without a trace and leaving me here alone to wonder where in the hell he is and what I did to drive him away.”
“I don’t blame you. It’s not fair.” Orlando yawned and looked at the clock. “I’m going back to bed for awhile. You sure you don’t want to try and get some rest? You haven’t slept much in the last couple days.”
“I’m fine here. Good night.” Orlando lingered a moment in the doorway and watched Elijah carefully. The boy was a mess; Orlando made a vow to kill Dom whenever he returned.
Elijah lay on the couch staring at the television and flipping though the channels. He didn’t see anything that was flashing by. It was only something for his hand to do while his mind ate away at his soul.
Out the window the first few rays of light were peeking out from the horizon. Another day starting with no Dom. He was fed up and couldn’t take it anymore.
“The stupid, fucking, selfish bastard.” Elijah sat up, rubbed his eyes, and looked around the room. He padded into the kitchen, and looking through the cabinets, found a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass over ice. Downing the first glass, he quickly poured himself another. Glass in hand, he started rummaging through the drawers, desperately searching for a knife.
“Can’t do this,” he muttered to himself over and over as he moved silverware around in the drawers. He finally found a knife and laid it on the counter while he poured himself another drink. His stomach was beginning to get a little weak, but he didn’t pay any attention to it. He drank the amber liquid quickly, grimacing as he swallowed the last drop. Shakily, Elijah picked up the knife and looked at it carefully. The blade was so smooth and shiny, and Elijah looked at his distorted reflection off the silver metal. He stared at it for awhile, trying to decipher something important out of it. He was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, and his vision went slightly blurry.
Elijah leaned against the refrigerator and slid slowly down to the floor, whiskey bottle in one hand, knife in the other. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips and chugged, but discarded it as he doubled over and threw up on the floor beside him. He scooted away from his mess, gripping the hilt of the blade tightly in his hand. A couple of deep breaths and then he would get rid of this pain Dom had given him. Just a few more breaths, Elijah thought as he positioned the knife over the pale skin of his forearm, just a few more breaths.
* * * *
Dom and Billy walked into the house like zombies. Both were jet-lagged, tired, and disoriented. All either wanted to do was to crawl into bed and sleep for at least a day. They both headed back towards their rooms, and Dom was surprised to find his empty. He peered into the bathroom, walked back through the living room, and finally decided to check the kitchen.
Dom opened the door and cried out in shock. Elijah was lying on the floor, knife in one hand, bottle overturned and whiskey pooled at his head, and a puddle of what appeared to be vomit a few feet away.
“Oh, God. Billy!” Dom screamed as he ran back towards Billy and Orlando’s room. “Billy!”
Billy came out of the room frantically, while Orlando fell out of bed in the room behind him.
“Billy. Elijah,” was all Dom could get out before Billy was bolting through the house, Orlando closely following. Dom entered the kitchen after them, shaking with worry, stress, and shock.
“Fuck,” Orlando exclaimed as he surveyed the kitchen.
“Stupid bastard,” Billy said, walking over and looking at Elijah closely. “The fucker passed out. No fucking wonder. He smells just like whiskey. And I doubt it’s because he’s lying in it.” Billy dragged Elijah over to Dom. “Take him and put him in the shower. He’s disgusting. Orlando and I will clean this shit up.”
Dom lifted Elijah to his feet and dragged him to the bathroom as Orlando and Billy started to clean up the mess.
Dom slammed the door behind him and sat Elijah on the toilet. He leaned Elijah against the sink as he turned on the shower, but changed his mind and ran a bath. He took off all of Elijah’s clothes, trying hard to not be furious. He resisted the urge to throw Elijah into the bathtub and leave him there to drown.
“Why, Elijah? Why? I can’t deal with this every time I go somewhere,” Dom said to Elijah’s unconscious form. Dom took off his own clothes and stepped into the bath, very clumsily pulling Elijah in with him. He sat them both slowly down in the water and started sponging Elijah off. Elijah started to stir, blinked a few times and looked around confused.
“What in the hell?” he said almost inaudibly.
“You threw up all over yourself and passed out in whiskey. I’m now attempting to clean you off,” Dom said harshly.
“Dom? Oh God, I’m so drunk. Are you really here?” Elijah turned around slowly and grinned like an idiot when he saw Dom. “You came back!”
“Did you think I wouldn’t? God, you need to get a fucking grip on yourself.” Dom brought the rag to Elijah’s face and started wiping it off gingerly.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Elijah said.
“Shit. Lean over to the toilet,” Dom ordered, helping lift Elijah far enough over so he could reach the toilet. Elijah gripped the sides of the bowl and threw up. Dom patted his back as his body jerked and heaved. Elijah reached up and pulled the handle as he leaned back into the tub.
“Oh God, Dom, I think I’m going to die. I think I lost a lung there.” Elijah lay back on Dom’s chest and breathed slowly in and out. Dom took the rag and cleaned his face off again.
“You’re a fucking mess. I swear, if you do this to me one more time, Elijah Jordan Wood, I am leaving your pathetic ass.” Dom kissed the side of Elijah’s head and smoothed his hair back. “Why do you do this kind of stuff? Why do you do this to yourself?”
“You left me again,” Elijah said. He rolled his head to the side and rested his cheek against Dom’s chest. “No note, no call, no nothing. I thought you hated me.”
“Elijah, that’s ridiculous,” Dom said, kissing Elijah’s forehead. “I love you. I would never hate you.”
“It hurts when you’re not here. Like deep in my chest. So deep I think I’ll never be happy again and it will all just keep hurting me until I go mad. I wanted to control the pain and be strong for you. I wanted to make the pain go away, make it be my pain like Orli does. But I didn’t. I’m sorry.” Dom didn’t know what to say to this and it didn’t matter anyway with Elijah so drunk. He kissed Elijah’s forehead again and sat up.
“Come on, love. Let’s get you to bed. You need rest, and I think that if I don’t get some sleep I’m going to die.” Dom started helping Elijah stand.
“No!” Elijah screamed, catching Dom off guard and he slipped.
“What?” Dom said as Elijah frantically started grabbing him.
“You can’t die! You can’t leave me,” Elijah screamed. Dom grabbed him firmly by the shoulders.
“Elijah. Look at me. Calm down. I am not going anywhere, understand that. Do you understand me?” Dom looked at Elijah intently, who just blinked back blankly. “Elijah? I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
“Okay.” Elijah shook his head in understanding. Dom helped him finish getting out of the bath, wrapped a towel around them both, and led him slowly to their room. He saw Billy and Orlando in the hall, and just nodded to let them know Elijah was okay.
Dom closed the door behind him and sat Elijah down on the bed. He fumbled through a drawer and got both of them boxers. He put his on quickly and walked over to Elijah, who was staring at the wall in front of him.
“Elijah, stand up for a second so you can pull these on, okay?” Elijah obeyed and Dom somehow managed to get him to step into the boxers and pull them up. “Let’s go to bed, okay baby?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
Dom put Elijah into bed and walked around to the other side, crawling in himself. Elijah automatically placed himself in Dom’s arms and fell right to sleep. Dom rubbed his temples gingerly in an attempt to lessen the splitting headache he had accumulated. He glanced over at the clock, which read 6:48. Dom silently cursed and situated himself around Elijah before passing out himself.
* * * *
“Orlando?”
“Yes, Billy?”
“You think Lij is going to be all right?” Billy rolled over and peered through the darkness, waiting for his eyes to adjust. He could faintly make out a dark mass moving which he hoped was Orlando.
“He’ll be fine. The kid’s confused. And desperately in love with Dom.” Orlando paused a moment, and Billy kept talking.
“Why did you tell him, you know, about your habit?”
“My habit? Huh. Well, we just started talking about pain. And being in love.”
“Ever been in love, mate?”
“Nope. You?” Billy could hear Orlando shifting in the bed. He was beginning to be able to make out things in the dark and could see Orlando facing him. Billy took a deep breath before answering.
“Once. Long time ago.”
“Think you’ll ever fall in love again?”
“Maybe.” Billy laughed mirthlessly. “I’m not really looking for it.”
“What are you looking for?” Orlando asked.
“Come again,” Billy said, confused.
“Never mind.”
“No. What am I looking for? Was that the question?”
“Yeah.”
“Nothing really. If something comes along, I’ll take it. If not, I guess no big deal.”
“Oh.”
“Why?” Orlando was really acting strange and Billy was beginning to get terribly lost in the conversation. He had no clue what Orlando was after, and being jet-lagged and exhausted didn’t help any.
“Nothing.”
“Orlando. It’s 7 a.m. and I haven’t really slept in three days. Quit acting all weird and just talk, damn you.” Billy surprised himself at how snappish he was being with Orlando.
“Dom and Lij, what they have, as fucked up as it is, would be nice. I’m almost jealous, you know?” Billy could hear Orlando moving around in his bed and saw that he was sitting up then.
“I don’t know. I’m happy for them.”
“I am too, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve never been in love and it would be a nice change from the random one night fucks I have.” Billy sat up and gazed at Orlando across the room. It was odd for Billy to fathom that the beautiful man sitting on the bed in front of him had never been in love.
“But there’s so many things to love about you. I can’t believe no one has even tried.”
“I don’t let people get close. Well, before all of you. I just don’t want to get hurt.”
“Orlando, that’s part of love, getting hurt. You can’t hide yourself away like you do. You’ll never find anything.”
“Billy, kiss me,” Orlando said suddenly. Billy and Orlando both stared at each other in the dark. Billy couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Did Orli just say – yes. He did.
The room was thick with tension. They both sat still in the dark, and Billy wished desperately that the curtains weren’t closed tight so he could see. Neither moved a muscle for a few moments, and then Billy stood up shakily and walked over to the bed. Even in the dark he could see Orlando’s dark eyes shining up at him.
“Billy, I – “ Billy cut him off by pressing his lips lightly to Orlando’s. Orlando wrapped his arms around Billy’s neck, pulled him down onto the bed. Billy stretched atop Orlando’s lean body, cupping his cheek softly. Orlando slid his hand down to the hem of Billy’s shirt and pressed his palm against Billy’s warm skin.
“No, Orlando,” Billy said, pulling up and stroking Orlando’s cheek. Orlando started to say something but Billy pressed a finger to his lip. He ran his thumb along Orlando’s puffy mouth and looked down sweetly. “This isn’t about sex. It may not be about love. But if it’s anything, it’s going to be about something.” Billy kissed Orlando passionately again. Orlando’s hands roamed through Billy’s hair, along his chin, and across his shoulders. Their motions were slow, relaxed, and meaningful. Billy then rolled over onto the bed and buried himself under the covers.
“I’ve kept you up too long.” Orlando smiled as he looked into Billy’s eyes. Billy kissed Orlando again and scooted closer.
“It was worth it. Now, let’s go to sleep so I might be able to wake up tomorrow.” Billy closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Orlando kissed his eyelids.
“Good night, Billy.” Orlando wrapped his arms around Billy and fell asleep to the sound of his even breathing.
* * * *
Dom stirred as he felt Elijah moving beside him. He rolled over and threw his arm around the moving body, pulling it back next to him.
“Where are you going?” Dom whispered without opening his eyes. He felt Elijah struggle against his arm, but didn’t let go.
“I really got to piss. So, either let me go or I’m going to piss on your side of the bed.”
“Someone’s grumpy with a hangover.” Dom let go of Elijah, still not opening his eyes. He heard Elijah open the door and walk into the bathroom, and a few minutes later walk back into the room and close the door again. “What time is it?”
“Ten.”
“A.M. or P.M.?”
“P.M. Why in the hell would we be up at 10 a.m.?” Dom rolled over and opened his eyes. Elijah was getting a cigarette out of the pack and looking for a lighter.
“It’s on the windowsill.” Elijah walked over to the windowsill and picked up the lighter lying there. “I don’t think I’m ever going to wake up again.” Dom stretched out on his back and kicked the covers off himself.
“We leave day after tomorrow. I hope you won’t spend the rest of the trip sleeping.”
“Bless Peter’s heart for this week break. I was about to go crazy on set. But after this, no more breaks ever, I think. Dammit.” Dom watched Elijah sitting by the windowsill, sucking thoughtfully on a cigarette, moonlight from the slits around the curtains playing across his skin.
“Where did you go?” Elijah asked slowly, not really looking at Dom. He was closely watching the smoke rise to the ceiling.
“England.”
“Why did you take Billy?”
“I needed someone to go with me.”
“Why Billy?”
“Because he’s my best friend.”
“What am I?”
“Dammit, Lij,” Dom said, covering his face with his hands. “My lover. My boyfriend. Fuck.”
“Then why in the hell did you fucking leave without a goddamn note? Do you know what you put me through, you stupid cunt!” Elijah demanded.
“Keep your voice down. We don’t want Billy and Orli to know every damn thing.”
“Fuck if I will.”
“Shut up, Elijah, and let me fucking explain.” Dom leaned up off the bed a little and looked at Elijah, who was clutching the cigarette tightly in his shaking fingers.
“Then fucking do it,” Elijah spat. Dom sat up Indian style and breathed in deeply.
“I couldn’t tell my mom over the phone about you. That I was with you and that I was gay. All she ever talks about is how I need to find some nice girl to settle down with. I was on the phone with her and just made the decision.” Dom paused and Elijah jumped in.
“Just like that. ‘Oh, hey mum. I’m coming home’,” Elijah mocked.
“Yes. Just like that. Billy was here; I didn’t want to go alone. I asked him to go and we left right then.” Dom paused again and Elijah remained silent. “I didn’t mean to not let you know where I was. I was just in a hurry. I wanted to tell my parents about you as soon as I could.”
Elijah sat there, completely silent and still. The bright orange light from the burning cigarette was the only thing Dom could stare at, waiting on bated breath for Elijah’s response. The cigarette burned slowly, the long ash finally breaking off and crashing onto Elijah’s bare foot. He didn’t notice.
“You could have left a note. Or taken me with you. Or – “
“Shut up! Fuck! Shut up!” Dom screamed, surprising them both. Elijah stared at him openmouthed while he tried to pull himself together. “You don’t have a fucking clue. I didn’t leave to hurt you. You need to stop being so bloody insecure. I can’t live with you going nutters every time I am not with you.”
“Oh, I see – “ Elijah started, but Dom cut him off.
“No, you don’t. You think that a trip home to tell my parents I’m fucking my male costar was easy? Crushing my mother’s hopes for a nice daughter-in-law and grandkids running around the bloody tree at Christmas time? Having my dad look me straight in the eye and tell me he – “ Dom faltered as his voice broke slightly. He choked back a sob and Elijah looked over at him, anger melting away into concern. “He called you a skinny American with freaky eyes, told me he’d beat sense into me.” Dom stopped, lowering his head and nonchalantly trying to wipe away the tears escaping from his eyes. Elijah slowly peeled himself out of the chair and padded over to the bed, sitting beside Dom and touching his shoulder softly. “He told me he’d never accept having a gay son. My own father.” Dom broke and grabbed onto Elijah, pulling at his bare arms and soaking his chest with tears. Elijah wrapped his arms around Dom tightly, trying to keep himself together for Dom.
“Dom, oh baby,” Elijah said, trying desperately to think of something to say. “Don’t cry. I love you. Oh God, I love you.”
“My dad disowns me, my mother has her dreams crushed, my boyfriend tries to commit suicide and gets pissed off at me.” Dom lifted his head and peered at Elijah through tear-soaked lashes. Elijah ran his fingers along Dom’s cheeks, wiping falling tears from them. “I fucked everything up, and all I was trying to do was come clean and let everyone important know I love you.”
“You didn’t fuck everything up.” Elijah kissed Dom’s forehead softly. “You did nothing of the sort.”
“God, Lij. I can’t take anything else.” Dom rested his forehead on Elijah’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “My parents, your episodes. It’s all too much to deal with.” Elijah rubbed Dom’s back soothingly for a few moments before standing up. He walked over to the window and nervously lit up another cigarette.
“What?” Dom shifted on the bed, watching Elijah’s back tremble.
“This may not work.”
“Excuse me?” Dom started shaking and tears threaten to fall again, but he blinked them back furiously.
“I can’t change.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“No, Dom. The episodes as you call them. I know, I have issues. Known it all my life. There is nothing I can do about them. I can’t change the fact that blood and pain fascinates me, whether it’s oozing out of a wound I’ve inflicted upon myself, someone else’s, or during sex. And I’ll always have days when I miss you so much that I can’t breathe and I think I’m going to die. I will love you too much because I’m afraid if I don’t, you’ll leave me. I’ll get jealous and possessive and mad at you for no apparent reason. But I love you. I love you more than anything. But if you can’t handle these episodes – “
“Elijah, please stop. With you I get everything that comes with it. Hell, everything in my life has just turned upside down in the last fucking week. My best friends slice me so I can be in some society. I fall in love with my very best friend and start shagging him, my dad disowns me, and my boyfriend goes psycho and cuts himself every time I leave. Some happy go lucky life for me.”
Elijah sucked at his cigarette thoughtfully, pulling the curtains back and looking out into the night. “Dom, we never said we were perfect. We’re a fucked up bunch of blokes. But what no one knows won’t hurt them.” Elijah puts out his cigarette and walks over to Dom, crawling into his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. “But I do love you.”
“And God, I love you, Elijah. But you’ve got to realize a few things.”
“What?”
“I love you. I’m not going to leave you and if I ever get ready to I will tell you. You’ve got to trust me enough that I’m not going to up and leave.”
“Dom, you just don’t understand.”
“Yes, I do.” Dom trailed his fingers lightly along Elijah’s cheeks. “Everyone is afraid on some level they’re going to be abandoned. But I won’t abandon you. You can’t force me to stay with you by freaking out every time I do. You’ve got to trust me. Can you do that?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe’s not good enough, Lij. You’ve got to work though these problems. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for me. If you don’t, one day it will destroy us.” Elijah sat there for a moment, thinking. Dom played absently with the hair at the base of his neck, watching his face like it was the last thing he would ever see.
“Okay. I’ll do something. I’ll see a psychologist or whatever you want.”
“We’ll see how you do alone, then we’ll go from there. Sound good?” Dom kissed his forehead lightly.
“Okay.”
Dom leaned in and kissed Elijah sweetly. There was no hurry, no urgency, just feeling and love. Dom pulled Elijah down onto the bed with him without breaking the kiss, not wanting to leave those addictive lips. After minutes of being lost in each other, Dom pulled away, panting heavily, and crawled back into bed.
“Let’s get some more sleep so we don’t waste our last couple days here.” Elijah snuggled up close to Dom and they both fell right back into a comfortable slumber.
* * * *
Elijah and Orlando walked out of the water and threw their surfboards on the sand.
“Fuck this,” Orlando said aggravated. “That’s all the damn surfing I’m doing for the rest of my bloody life.”
“Bullshit,” Billy called from his and Dom’s refuge up on a bank of sand overlooking the ocean. Orlando and Elijah trudged up the hill and plopped down beside them.
“That kicked my ass,” Elijah said, laying his head in Dom’s lap and closing his eyes. Dom rubbed his hand through Elijah’s wet locks lazily, Elijah smiling slightly.
“I seriously never want to surf again.” Orlando grabbed a drink out of a cooler and leaned back on his elbows, stretching his long legs out before him. Billy buried his toe under the white sand and kicked a small amount onto Orlando’s leg. Orlando shook it off his leg without paying much attention to it. Billy did it again and Orlando looked over at him.
“Do it again, Boyd, and you’re dead,” Orlando challenged. Billy dug his entire foot into the sand and flung the whole heap at Orlando. He immediately stood up and started running down to the beach, Orlando following quickly. Elijah and Dom watched them interested, chasing each other along the beach like children.
“They’re quite cute actually,” Elijah said as Orlando tackled Billy to the ground and poured wet sand all over his chest and rubbed it in.
“I guess.” Dom grabbed Elijah’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “How you doing today?”
“Great. Not ready to go back to filming. Peter’s going to punish us all for taking this vacation, I can feel it.”
“Going to be all right?”
“As long as you’re with me.” Dom gave Elijah a warning glance and he sighed. “Yes, Dom. I’m going to be fine.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want to kick your ass,” Dom said. They turned when they heard Billy yell something and watched as Orlando locked him into a kiss.
“This is really very pervy,” Elijah said. “Watching our two best mates make out on the beach.”
“It’s kind of turning me on. How ‘bout you?”
“Totally.” Elijah looked up at Dom, who was looking at him with a devilish grin.
“Want to find somewhere close by and shag each other senseless against a rough tree?” Dom asked, looking around.
“I thought you’d never ask.” They stood up and ran towards a secluded grove of trees, leaving Orlando and Billy making out in the wet sand.
~Fin
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I love this sentence. It's so very Elijah, and it feels like something Dom would say about him. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
This fic was very moving, and struck close to home for me at some parts. I loved it. Thank you very much for sharing.
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