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fellowshippers2005-01-07 12:48 am
smlark.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2005-01-07 12:48 am
Sex, Love and the Five Senses
Title: Sex, Love and the Five Senses
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smlark
Pairing: BB/DM - of course!
Rating: PG-13 (adult situations)
Summary: Billy seeks an answer.
Feedback: Please read gently as this has not been beta'd - all mistakes are my own!
Disclaimer: All completely made up.
Author's Note:
I hope everyone associated withzahz87 in response to her Christmas request for the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
lotrpschallenge number 7: BIRDS AND BEES. In this challenge I must write about a character discussing sex with another character. It must include four words: attention, outside, explosive and groan. Sorry it doesn't contain as much sex as I'm sure some would like but it's really not my forte. Also, I must apologize for the length. I got a bit carried away!
Shifting nervously back and forth on his feet, Billy stood hesitantly outside Liv's trailer door. Hands shoved down deep in his pockets and his head hung low, he was desperately trying to get the courage to knock. He wasn't sure why he was so scared, it wasn't like she was going to laugh at him or anything...at least he didn't think so.
"No," he thought. She's far too kind for that. She'd just smile that sweet angelic smile of hers and call him some sing-song name like, "Silly Billy" or "Willy Nilly". Then she'd grasped his hand and pulled him to her.
He'd melt into that heavenly embrace that brought back to him all the comforts of womanhood that he's missed for so long; the scent of his mother which conjured up visions of heather and lilac growing wild in the fields, her arms around him, comforting him with both firmness and tenderness that only his mother knew how to do. No, there was no reason to be scared where Liv was concerned for she was all scents and softness and comfort...and he could ask her anything.
Sighing deeply he reached up and rapped gently three times on the thin metal door. While waiting for a reply, he looked sharply to the left and then to the right to make sure no one saw him there. It could be devastating for him if anyone found out but he had to know and Liv was the only one he felt he could ask.
A split second before he'd lost his nerve and fled, Liv opened the door.
"Billy, what a pleasant surprise! Please, come in."
"Um, thanks." Billy muttered as he stepped past her and into the tiny living area.
"Sit, sit, sit." Liv chanted as she quickly gathered up papers that were scattered all over the sofa. "Sorry," she smiled shyly. "I was catching up on some fan mail."
"Oh, well I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Billy, you could never interrupt me. I love it when you come to visit." Liv said sweetly as she patted the cushion indicating where he should sit.
Billy gave a half smile back; gingerly sat on the edge of the sofa and began looking anxiously about the room. His sight landed on a photo hung on the opposite wall. It was a picture of Liv and her boyfriend. They were in each other's arms and seemed completely oblivious of anyone else in the room. He was fascinated by this. This is what he needed to know and he was confident now that Liv was the one that could enlighten him.
"What? What is it Billy? That's my boyfriend Roy. You've met him, remember?"
Billy snapped his head around and looked directly Liv but said nothing, staring intently at her.
"Billy honey, you're making me nervous. What is it? What's wrong?" Liv asked worriedly.
"I ahh..." Billy started. He broke his gaze and averted his eyes as he finished, "I have to...I mean I want to ask you something. If that's okay I mean?"
"Sure sweetie, you can ask me anything, you know that." Liv said softly as she sat down next to him and took his hand in hers.
Billy glanced down at the long delicate fingers that swept gracefully over his as she stroked that back of his hand.
"What's it like? I mean, how do I know?" Billy asked timidly as gazed remained locked on their hands.
"What's what like?" Liv asked perplexed.
"Love, sex, you know...how can I tell them apart?" Billy blushed as he turned his head to stare at his ever so fascinating shoes.
The silence in the room grew heavy. Cringing as he awaited her response, he could hear the clock in the make-shift kitchen ticking. He could hear his own heart beat getting faster and faster as his anxiety grew over her pending response. He wanted to bolt out of there, catch a cab to the airport and grab first flight out of there. It didn't matter where he'd go, just so long as he could disappear from this trailer, from this evening, from his life. But he couldn't, not when he was so confused. He just needed some answers and he needed them now.
Gathering his courage he looked up at Liv. What he saw surprised him. She was looking tenderly down at him and her bright blue eyes were brimming with unshed tears.
"Billy," Liv asked gently. "Are you in love?"
"I umm, I don't know. That's what I need to find out." He replied faintly.
With that, just as he knew she would, Liv gathered Billy in her arms and pulled him close as she whispered in his ear, "Oh Billy, I wish I could answer that for you, but only you can tell when it's real, no one else but you.
Breathing in deeply, he could smell that wonderful fragrance that brought him such happy memories. The scent of her brought him to one profound conclusion; this was love...but it wasn't the answer he was looking for.
Billy slowly made his way back to his trailer, in no hurry to return to his lonely abode. Winding around the path that took him the long way around, he came across Viggo sitting on the steps outside his trailer. Hesitating, he wondered if maybe Viggo could help him. "He's been around; surely he'd know the answer." He thought.
Viggo appeared to be deep in thought and didn't hear Billy's approach. Pausing just before he reached the bottom step, Billy wondered if he was doing the right thing. "Viggo's a friend, he won't laugh." He reasoned to himself. "He'll know. Yeah, he'll know."
With determination he cleared his throat and said aloud, "Hey, Viggo."
Viggo looked up and smiled, "Billy, were the hell did you come from? I'm sorry, I was far off somewhere; you know pondering the meaning of life and all."
To that, Billy let out a small laugh and said, "Funny, that's just what I was doing."
"Really?" Viggo asked tilting his head up with a curious expression on his face. "And what pray tell brought you to muse over such a serious topic? You're a Hobbit after all. You shouldn't have a care in the world, unless of course the Shire is having a shortage on pipe weed."
Billy snorted and replied, "No that would be far too grim an event to even consider the impact it would have on Hobbiton."
"Well then my friend, let's go in and have drink and you can tell me what brings you to my neck of the woods."
Upon entering, Billy noticed the walls were literally covered with photos, notes, and articles torn out of newspapers and magazines. In one corner he saw several canvases lined up side by side, explosive colors splayed haphazardly over each one, all no doubt painted by Viggo
He saw that the mirror was covered as well and couldn't help but wondered if this was Viggo's attempt to immerse himself in the world of Aragorn so at no time he'd catch a glimpse of his true self and break his concentration on becoming the man who would be king. Billy knew then that he did the right thing in coming here. Viggo was a deep and complex man, how could he not know the answer.
They sat next to each other on the small sofa, arm touching arm, thigh touching thigh as they sipped the scotch whiskey that Viggo kept especially for Billy. The liquid was smooth going down but left a lingering after burn that was sharp yet pleasant.
They said little, making small talk only when the silence became overwhelming. But it was okay, he knew Viggo was the kind of guy who needed few words in his life.
Soon, the effects of the whiskey kicked in and Billy relaxed into the sofa; bringing the solid form of Viggo with him.
"Billy." Viggo said softly as he reached out and touched the man's thigh. "Talk to me."
Billy let out a heavy sigh and turned to look up at Viggo. In his face, Billy saw concern. In his touch he found comfort.
"I need to know."
"Know what?"
"How do I know the difference? How can I tell?"
Viggo didn't looked confused at this, just reached out with his other hand and stroked Billy's cheek with the back of his hand, staring deeply in his green eyes but said nothing.
"Love, sex, what's the difference. When is it one and not the other?"
Viggo's eyes crinkled in the corners as his lips turned up in a gentle little smile.
"Oh Billy, I wish I could give you the answer to that. Unfortunately, it's something that you'll need to find out for yourself."
Billy was crestfallen. "If Viggo didn't know, no one would." He thought.
Seeing the look on his face, Viggo grasped Billy by the shoulders and pulled him into a fierce hug. Stroking his back, he whispered in his friend's ear, "If it's love dear Billy, you'll know." And he twisted his head and the kissed Billy tenderly on his cheek.
While it wasn't the answer he was looking for, Billy knew that in Viggo's touch he found love.
He left a short while later, taking the main road back to his own trailer. On the way, he heard the honk of a car horn and turned to see Orli pulling up beside him.
"Bills, where ya going? You were suppose to meet us at the pub remember? The guys sent me to look for you."
"Sorry, Orli, must've forgot." Billy said with a shrug.
"Well, you're coming aren't you? It wouldn't be a night out with the boys without you!" Orli said enthusiastically, a huge grin spreading across his face.
"I don't think so; I've got a lot on my mind."
"Then there you go, not a better person to drive you. I'm the best at listening, even if I have to say so myself. I've given out quite a bit of good advice in my day." Orli said smugly.
"In your day! Orlando, you're barely out of the cradle!" Billy laughed.
"I'm wise for my age, everyone knows that," replied Orli with hurt look on his face.
Billy stopped laughing; he didn't mean to hurt his friend. He knew he'd only meant to help. "Maybe he can help." Billy thought. "After all, the man has had more than his share (and Billy's share, and Dom's share, and Elijah's share) of both love and sex."
"Sure Orli, thanks." Billy said as he climbed into the passenger seat.
They'd driven a mile or so without any words between them when Orli broke the silence asking, "So?"
"So what?" Billy asked.
"So what's bugging you man?" Orli asked as he turned to look at Billy.
"It's difficult to say. A bit embarrassing if you want to know the truth."
"Hey, you don't need to be embarrassed around me Billy. Remember, you were the first friend I met when I came here, I consider us closer than friends. I consider us brothers." Orli stated sincerely.
Billy felt a tug at his heart with this admission and wondered if here, with Orli he might find the answer to his question.
"Umm, well...how did you know? How can you tell?"
"Huh?" A puzzled look crossed Orli's face as he turned again and stared at Billy, obviously not following him.
"Love, sex...how can you tell when it's one and not the other? What do you look for? How do you figure it out? And for heaven sake will you pay attention to the road!" Billy shouted as Orli whipped his head back toward the front, managing to swerve just in time to avoid striking a telephone pole.
"Sorry," Orli muttered, a blush rising in his face as he fixed his eyes on the road ahead. "We're good, please continue."
"What signs do you look for when you're with someone and trying to figure out if it's really love or just sex?"
"Hmmm." Orlando answered thoughtfully. "For me, I'd have to say it's all in what I see."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"You know; the way your heart nearly jumps out of your chest at the sight of your partner, the look in their eyes when they see you, the smile you see on their face when you make them laugh and the tears you see in their eyes when you're hurting and they hurt with you."
"I hadn't thought of it that way." Billy said in surprise at the depth of Orlando's words.
"Maybe for you it won't be that way. For everyone it's different but for me, it's in what I see." Orli said as he turned toward his passenger flashing a smile so warm and genial that Billy knew his friend was right...there was such a thing as finding love in what you see. For he saw it right in front of him...but still, it wasn't what he was looking for.
Orli lead them effortlessly through the throng of people; his charm and unnatural good looks winning over everyone he bumped into and every foot he stepped on along the way. They were heading toward the corner booth. The one where they held court every few weeks when they managed to get a night off and all desperately needed to unwind, shed their hobbit and elf images that have defined them for so long and just be themselves; carefree, young, attractive and energized with a need to live life to it's fullest.
Billy slid into the booth next to Elijah. Orlando followed suit on the other side. Dom was no where to be found.
"Hey guys, what took you so long?" Elijah slurred as lifted the long neck bottle to his lips and took a swig of which was obviously not his first beer of the night.
"Had to find Billy man." Orli said as he swiped the bottle out of Elijah's hand and took a long drink.
"Gimme that back, get your own damn beer!" Elijah grabbed for the bottle but Orli was too fast and held it high about his head out of Elijah's reach.
"What? You think I'm gonna wait here for someone to take my drink order. Not a chance in hell mate. Not after you sent me out looking for our lost Hobbit friend here while you sat enjoying your what...second or third beer already?" Orli said indignantly.
"Fourth, but you're not my mother so butt the fuck out you prissy little elf." Elijah giggled.
Orli leaned in closer to Elijah and said in a low seductive voice, "I'm far from little my friend and I think you know that."
Elijah's mouth fell open as his cheeks grew scarlet and he stared wide-eyed at Orli who smiled triumphantly back with a devious smirk on his face. Giving him a flirtatious wink, Orli got up and began to walk away glancing over his shoulder at the both of them and shouting over the din, “I'm off to find Dom.”
The waitress arrived and took their drink orders. Billy decided to stick with whiskey for he knew changing drinks could really mess you up and he didn't need that, not now.
They sat quietly, eyes scanning the crowded dance floor in what would appear to be a casual observance of couples dancing but in reality was a desire to seek out the individuals whom they long to be with. For Elijah, that person was Orli and for Billy there could be no other than Dom.
The drinks arrived and after downing his in a few quick gulps, Billy turned to Elijah, cleared his throat and started to ask the question that had haunted him all day, the one he'd yet to find an answer. What he saw before him made him hesitate; a man with the face of a child, so young, yet so old. Elijah has seen and been through more than most in the Fellowship and has maintained his true self throughout. Hollywood had not jaded this beautiful young man and this made Billy realized that none of them gave Elijah near enough credit for anything other than acting.
"Maybe Elijah would know the answer. Yeah, maybe he would." Billy thought.
"What's up dude? You look like you were going to say something then stopped." Elijah asked curiously.
"Yeah, umm I do sorta wanna ask you about umm, how you know when it's uh...really love and not just sex?" Billy's voice dropped off in a low, barely audible whisper.
"Dude, man, you're gonna have to speak up, I didn't hear the last part of what you just said."
Billy leaned in closer and spoke softly in Elijah's ear. "I wanted to know when you can tell if it's really love and not just sex, you know, when you're with someone?"
Elijah turned to Billy and a smile spread on his face from ear to ear. His eyes lit up as he asked in a loud enthusiastic voice, "Dude, you're in love? That's so cool! Who is it man, do I know her, uh him, the person? Do I know them?"
"Shhhh, keep it down." Billy said as he looked around worriedly. He wasn't ready to explain this to anyone, not yet, not until he knew the answer.
"But if you're in love Bills, you should want to shout it from the highest mountain, let the world know!"
"I don't know myself, Elijah. That's why I'm asking you."
"Me, really? I'm touched Billy. I mean no one ever comes to me for advise, unless of course it's about the business." Elijah leaned over and gave Billy a tight hug saying loudly in his ear, "Whatever you need man, I'm here for you!"
Though he was already beginning to regret his decision to ask Elijah, he continued on for he hadn't found the answer anywhere else so why not try got get it out of the mouths of babes, as the saying goes.
"Have you ever been in love, I mean really, truly in love?" Billy asked as he pulled away and looked Elijah straight in the eyes.
Elijah swallowed hard, glanced down for a second before turning his attention toward's the dance floor where his sight sought out and honed in on Orli, who at the present was dancing wildly with Dom in the center of a group of screaming girls. There his gazed lingered and a look of pure love came over his face. Billy didn't need to ask, he knew where Elijah's heart lay.
"Yeah." Elijah finally said in a dry raspy voice as he turned back toward Billy "Yeah, I've been in love."
"And how did you know? What made you first realize that it was more than just sex?"
Elijah let out a small chuckle at this and lowered his head in embarrassment. "Um, it's weird you know. But for me, I'd have to say it was taste."
"Taste?" Billy looked dumbfounded. "What does that mean?"
"Well," Elijah started as he looked back up. "In sex, everyone likes the taste of kisses; on the lips, skin, oral sex, you know what I mean. But when I realized I was in love, truly in love...I noticed I didn't mind the taste of the bad kisses either. In fact, I looked forward to them even more because they were the ones that were unprepared and meant so much more."
"I'm sorry Elijah but you've lost me here. Bad kisses, what does that mean?" Billy asked, more confused than ever now.
"You know, the first thing in the morning kiss – the one with the taste of morning breath. Then there's the kiss on the face or skin when they've been hard at work all day and they taste of sweat, dirt, makeup, powder and lotion and skin glue. But you don't care because all that matters is that they're there and you love them and you want to kiss them no matter what they taste like. Understand what I mean?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I do." Billy answered in amazement as he looked in awe at Elijah. Here was the youngest of his new friends yet he's the one who'd came closer to the answer Billy was seeking than anyone he'd asked so far.
Before anymore could be said, they were interrupted by Dom who unceremoniously plopped himself down beside Billy, put his arm around his shoulders and gave him a wet sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Bills, where the hell ya been, we've been waiting for you?" Dom shouted, hoping to be heard over the roar of the music.
"Actually Dom, I've been here for a little while now. Working on my third drink, truth be told." Billy replied as he lifted said glass to his lips taking a sip.
"Well, times a wastn' come on mate, dance with me!" Dom jumped up, gabbed Billy by the arm and proceeded to drag him out of the booth.
Billy protested as much as he could but Dom would have none of it. Soon, Billy found himself gyrating to the music in the center of the screaming girls with Dom right by his side.
After awhile, the music slowed and Dom pulled him close, both arms around his waist, fingers tugging at the belt loops on the back of his jeans. Billy didn't resist, how could he when there was no place else on the earth he rather be at this time.
The music invaded his mind; the soft sound of a flute entranced him as he leaned in closer. He could smell the musky scent of his after shave; the one Billy gave him for Christmas. He smiled as he remembered how excited Dom was when he'd gotten it, knowing that it was Billy's favorite and he's worn it ever since.
Sighing contently, he reached up and touched the muscles of Dom's forearms; running his hands in small circles over them, feeling their sinew, their strength and smiled again knowing that there was protection and love to be found there.
The music stopped but the embrace continued, neither wanting this precious moment to end. Swaying back and forth until the instrumental strings of a guitar picked up the beat were the mystic sounds of the flute left off.
"One more time?" Dom said softly.
Billy looked up into his face and smiled at the sight before him. Dom's face was alight with emotion; exuberance and desire radiated from him and seeing this made Billy's heart skip a beat.
They continued on with their waltzing embrace, oblivious to those around them. At this time, no one else existed...the world was theirs.
Billy cupped his hand behind Dom's head, pulling it down toward him. Without hesitation, their lips met; the kiss tender at first but grew in intensity until their passion could not be contained. Billy tasted the salty moistness of Dom's tongue as it invaded his mouth, thrusting in and out as if keeping time with the music.
He tasted of cloves and beer and Billy realizing he must have shared a drag or two on Elijah's cigarette, he tended to do that whenever they were out with the guys. Despite the fact that Billy hated those cigarettes, he smiled inwardly amazed at the fact that Elijah was right, taste didn't matter when all you want is to be with the one you love.
As the music peaked, so did the kiss. But when the tempo faded, sliding silently into an ending that held more questions than answers, the kiss did not.
It was Billy who noticed first that they were the only ones left out there on the floor, how long ago the music stopped, he had no idea. Breaking free from Dom's kiss brought forth a feral groan from him as lips reached out in protest. Billy remained strong, however as he pulled gently away, looked up at Dom and said softly, "Let's go."
They didn't stop to say goodbye, they didn't even stop to pay the tab. "Let Elijah pay, he's the one making the big bucks." Billy thought.
Outside the pub they hailed the first cab they saw and quickly climbed in the back, neither having said a word to the other since leaving the dance floor. They sat more than a foot apart for fear that the slightest touch would send them off to places that best not be discovered with an audience present.
The air was thick with tension and they both sat on the edge of their seats in anticipation of their arrival home, Dom's home to be exact.
Upon their arrival, Billy paid the driver while Dom flew up the steps, taking them two at a time, dropped his key twice in his urgency to unlock the door and threw it open with such force it slammed against the inside wall and bounced back shutting the door in rebound.
A laugh escaped Billy's throat as he asked, "Need a little help there Dommie?"
Dom's only response was a rich hardy laugh in return.
They both stood there, laughing hysterically like two mad men and didn't stop until their sides hurt and their lips felt cracked and dry from the cold night air.
When the silence again invaded them, Dom motioned with a tilt of his head and said, "Inside."
Barely making it through the door, Billy found himself pressed up against the wall, lips locked on lips and hips grinding into hips. Billy felt Dom's growing arousal rubbing oh so heavenly up against his own. Neither could deny their desire for the other.
In that moment, answers were forgotten and questions were a distant memory. Time stood still for Billy, love was the only thing that entered his mind.
"I love this man." He thought, "And nothing else matters."
Suddenly, when the edge was near and the precipice was about to be breached, Dom stopped...everything.
Looking up at Billy, he said with all sincerity and humility, "I can't do this, not until you know."
"Know what Dom?" Billy asked in a raspy voice barely above a whisper.
"That I love you. I've loved you for so long I can't even remember when it began. I don't want just sex from you Billy. I want, no I need you to love me too before we can do this." A pensive look came over Dom's face as he gazed at Billy, eyes pleading for the reply he so eagerly sought.
Billy smiled his most genuine smile yet for the answer was finally clear. While love could be found in scent of someone, in the touch of another, in the sight of the one you seek and in the taste of something as simple yet complex as a kiss; he knew that love, for him at least, was found in the sound of another. The voice of his soul mate telling him he loves him. That was something that can't be misconstrued and took complete and utter trust in your partner for one to share such a verbal expression of emotion.
Billy reached up and brushed his fingers over Dom's swollen lips. Leaning in he kissed them tenderly and then, barely braking contact he said the words that were trapped inside him for so long, the ones that wanted to tumble from his lips at the least opportune moment but he'd somehow managed to keep them in check. The words that were too important for him to say them to just anyone. The words he'd saved for Dom and Dom alone.
"I love you too."
Author:
smlarkPairing: BB/DM - of course!
Rating: PG-13 (adult situations)
Summary: Billy seeks an answer.
Feedback: Please read gently as this has not been beta'd - all mistakes are my own!
Disclaimer: All completely made up.
Author's Note:
I hope everyone associated with
zahz87 in response to her Christmas request for the lotrpschallenge number 7: BIRDS AND BEES. In this challenge I must write about a character discussing sex with another character. It must include four words: attention, outside, explosive and groan. Sorry it doesn't contain as much sex as I'm sure some would like but it's really not my forte. Also, I must apologize for the length. I got a bit carried away!Shifting nervously back and forth on his feet, Billy stood hesitantly outside Liv's trailer door. Hands shoved down deep in his pockets and his head hung low, he was desperately trying to get the courage to knock. He wasn't sure why he was so scared, it wasn't like she was going to laugh at him or anything...at least he didn't think so.
"No," he thought. She's far too kind for that. She'd just smile that sweet angelic smile of hers and call him some sing-song name like, "Silly Billy" or "Willy Nilly". Then she'd grasped his hand and pulled him to her.
He'd melt into that heavenly embrace that brought back to him all the comforts of womanhood that he's missed for so long; the scent of his mother which conjured up visions of heather and lilac growing wild in the fields, her arms around him, comforting him with both firmness and tenderness that only his mother knew how to do. No, there was no reason to be scared where Liv was concerned for she was all scents and softness and comfort...and he could ask her anything.
Sighing deeply he reached up and rapped gently three times on the thin metal door. While waiting for a reply, he looked sharply to the left and then to the right to make sure no one saw him there. It could be devastating for him if anyone found out but he had to know and Liv was the only one he felt he could ask.
A split second before he'd lost his nerve and fled, Liv opened the door.
"Billy, what a pleasant surprise! Please, come in."
"Um, thanks." Billy muttered as he stepped past her and into the tiny living area.
"Sit, sit, sit." Liv chanted as she quickly gathered up papers that were scattered all over the sofa. "Sorry," she smiled shyly. "I was catching up on some fan mail."
"Oh, well I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Billy, you could never interrupt me. I love it when you come to visit." Liv said sweetly as she patted the cushion indicating where he should sit.
Billy gave a half smile back; gingerly sat on the edge of the sofa and began looking anxiously about the room. His sight landed on a photo hung on the opposite wall. It was a picture of Liv and her boyfriend. They were in each other's arms and seemed completely oblivious of anyone else in the room. He was fascinated by this. This is what he needed to know and he was confident now that Liv was the one that could enlighten him.
"What? What is it Billy? That's my boyfriend Roy. You've met him, remember?"
Billy snapped his head around and looked directly Liv but said nothing, staring intently at her.
"Billy honey, you're making me nervous. What is it? What's wrong?" Liv asked worriedly.
"I ahh..." Billy started. He broke his gaze and averted his eyes as he finished, "I have to...I mean I want to ask you something. If that's okay I mean?"
"Sure sweetie, you can ask me anything, you know that." Liv said softly as she sat down next to him and took his hand in hers.
Billy glanced down at the long delicate fingers that swept gracefully over his as she stroked that back of his hand.
"What's it like? I mean, how do I know?" Billy asked timidly as gazed remained locked on their hands.
"What's what like?" Liv asked perplexed.
"Love, sex, you know...how can I tell them apart?" Billy blushed as he turned his head to stare at his ever so fascinating shoes.
The silence in the room grew heavy. Cringing as he awaited her response, he could hear the clock in the make-shift kitchen ticking. He could hear his own heart beat getting faster and faster as his anxiety grew over her pending response. He wanted to bolt out of there, catch a cab to the airport and grab first flight out of there. It didn't matter where he'd go, just so long as he could disappear from this trailer, from this evening, from his life. But he couldn't, not when he was so confused. He just needed some answers and he needed them now.
Gathering his courage he looked up at Liv. What he saw surprised him. She was looking tenderly down at him and her bright blue eyes were brimming with unshed tears.
"Billy," Liv asked gently. "Are you in love?"
"I umm, I don't know. That's what I need to find out." He replied faintly.
With that, just as he knew she would, Liv gathered Billy in her arms and pulled him close as she whispered in his ear, "Oh Billy, I wish I could answer that for you, but only you can tell when it's real, no one else but you.
Breathing in deeply, he could smell that wonderful fragrance that brought him such happy memories. The scent of her brought him to one profound conclusion; this was love...but it wasn't the answer he was looking for.
Billy slowly made his way back to his trailer, in no hurry to return to his lonely abode. Winding around the path that took him the long way around, he came across Viggo sitting on the steps outside his trailer. Hesitating, he wondered if maybe Viggo could help him. "He's been around; surely he'd know the answer." He thought.
Viggo appeared to be deep in thought and didn't hear Billy's approach. Pausing just before he reached the bottom step, Billy wondered if he was doing the right thing. "Viggo's a friend, he won't laugh." He reasoned to himself. "He'll know. Yeah, he'll know."
With determination he cleared his throat and said aloud, "Hey, Viggo."
Viggo looked up and smiled, "Billy, were the hell did you come from? I'm sorry, I was far off somewhere; you know pondering the meaning of life and all."
To that, Billy let out a small laugh and said, "Funny, that's just what I was doing."
"Really?" Viggo asked tilting his head up with a curious expression on his face. "And what pray tell brought you to muse over such a serious topic? You're a Hobbit after all. You shouldn't have a care in the world, unless of course the Shire is having a shortage on pipe weed."
Billy snorted and replied, "No that would be far too grim an event to even consider the impact it would have on Hobbiton."
"Well then my friend, let's go in and have drink and you can tell me what brings you to my neck of the woods."
Upon entering, Billy noticed the walls were literally covered with photos, notes, and articles torn out of newspapers and magazines. In one corner he saw several canvases lined up side by side, explosive colors splayed haphazardly over each one, all no doubt painted by Viggo
He saw that the mirror was covered as well and couldn't help but wondered if this was Viggo's attempt to immerse himself in the world of Aragorn so at no time he'd catch a glimpse of his true self and break his concentration on becoming the man who would be king. Billy knew then that he did the right thing in coming here. Viggo was a deep and complex man, how could he not know the answer.
They sat next to each other on the small sofa, arm touching arm, thigh touching thigh as they sipped the scotch whiskey that Viggo kept especially for Billy. The liquid was smooth going down but left a lingering after burn that was sharp yet pleasant.
They said little, making small talk only when the silence became overwhelming. But it was okay, he knew Viggo was the kind of guy who needed few words in his life.
Soon, the effects of the whiskey kicked in and Billy relaxed into the sofa; bringing the solid form of Viggo with him.
"Billy." Viggo said softly as he reached out and touched the man's thigh. "Talk to me."
Billy let out a heavy sigh and turned to look up at Viggo. In his face, Billy saw concern. In his touch he found comfort.
"I need to know."
"Know what?"
"How do I know the difference? How can I tell?"
Viggo didn't looked confused at this, just reached out with his other hand and stroked Billy's cheek with the back of his hand, staring deeply in his green eyes but said nothing.
"Love, sex, what's the difference. When is it one and not the other?"
Viggo's eyes crinkled in the corners as his lips turned up in a gentle little smile.
"Oh Billy, I wish I could give you the answer to that. Unfortunately, it's something that you'll need to find out for yourself."
Billy was crestfallen. "If Viggo didn't know, no one would." He thought.
Seeing the look on his face, Viggo grasped Billy by the shoulders and pulled him into a fierce hug. Stroking his back, he whispered in his friend's ear, "If it's love dear Billy, you'll know." And he twisted his head and the kissed Billy tenderly on his cheek.
While it wasn't the answer he was looking for, Billy knew that in Viggo's touch he found love.
He left a short while later, taking the main road back to his own trailer. On the way, he heard the honk of a car horn and turned to see Orli pulling up beside him.
"Bills, where ya going? You were suppose to meet us at the pub remember? The guys sent me to look for you."
"Sorry, Orli, must've forgot." Billy said with a shrug.
"Well, you're coming aren't you? It wouldn't be a night out with the boys without you!" Orli said enthusiastically, a huge grin spreading across his face.
"I don't think so; I've got a lot on my mind."
"Then there you go, not a better person to drive you. I'm the best at listening, even if I have to say so myself. I've given out quite a bit of good advice in my day." Orli said smugly.
"In your day! Orlando, you're barely out of the cradle!" Billy laughed.
"I'm wise for my age, everyone knows that," replied Orli with hurt look on his face.
Billy stopped laughing; he didn't mean to hurt his friend. He knew he'd only meant to help. "Maybe he can help." Billy thought. "After all, the man has had more than his share (and Billy's share, and Dom's share, and Elijah's share) of both love and sex."
"Sure Orli, thanks." Billy said as he climbed into the passenger seat.
They'd driven a mile or so without any words between them when Orli broke the silence asking, "So?"
"So what?" Billy asked.
"So what's bugging you man?" Orli asked as he turned to look at Billy.
"It's difficult to say. A bit embarrassing if you want to know the truth."
"Hey, you don't need to be embarrassed around me Billy. Remember, you were the first friend I met when I came here, I consider us closer than friends. I consider us brothers." Orli stated sincerely.
Billy felt a tug at his heart with this admission and wondered if here, with Orli he might find the answer to his question.
"Umm, well...how did you know? How can you tell?"
"Huh?" A puzzled look crossed Orli's face as he turned again and stared at Billy, obviously not following him.
"Love, sex...how can you tell when it's one and not the other? What do you look for? How do you figure it out? And for heaven sake will you pay attention to the road!" Billy shouted as Orli whipped his head back toward the front, managing to swerve just in time to avoid striking a telephone pole.
"Sorry," Orli muttered, a blush rising in his face as he fixed his eyes on the road ahead. "We're good, please continue."
"What signs do you look for when you're with someone and trying to figure out if it's really love or just sex?"
"Hmmm." Orlando answered thoughtfully. "For me, I'd have to say it's all in what I see."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"You know; the way your heart nearly jumps out of your chest at the sight of your partner, the look in their eyes when they see you, the smile you see on their face when you make them laugh and the tears you see in their eyes when you're hurting and they hurt with you."
"I hadn't thought of it that way." Billy said in surprise at the depth of Orlando's words.
"Maybe for you it won't be that way. For everyone it's different but for me, it's in what I see." Orli said as he turned toward his passenger flashing a smile so warm and genial that Billy knew his friend was right...there was such a thing as finding love in what you see. For he saw it right in front of him...but still, it wasn't what he was looking for.
Orli lead them effortlessly through the throng of people; his charm and unnatural good looks winning over everyone he bumped into and every foot he stepped on along the way. They were heading toward the corner booth. The one where they held court every few weeks when they managed to get a night off and all desperately needed to unwind, shed their hobbit and elf images that have defined them for so long and just be themselves; carefree, young, attractive and energized with a need to live life to it's fullest.
Billy slid into the booth next to Elijah. Orlando followed suit on the other side. Dom was no where to be found.
"Hey guys, what took you so long?" Elijah slurred as lifted the long neck bottle to his lips and took a swig of which was obviously not his first beer of the night.
"Had to find Billy man." Orli said as he swiped the bottle out of Elijah's hand and took a long drink.
"Gimme that back, get your own damn beer!" Elijah grabbed for the bottle but Orli was too fast and held it high about his head out of Elijah's reach.
"What? You think I'm gonna wait here for someone to take my drink order. Not a chance in hell mate. Not after you sent me out looking for our lost Hobbit friend here while you sat enjoying your what...second or third beer already?" Orli said indignantly.
"Fourth, but you're not my mother so butt the fuck out you prissy little elf." Elijah giggled.
Orli leaned in closer to Elijah and said in a low seductive voice, "I'm far from little my friend and I think you know that."
Elijah's mouth fell open as his cheeks grew scarlet and he stared wide-eyed at Orli who smiled triumphantly back with a devious smirk on his face. Giving him a flirtatious wink, Orli got up and began to walk away glancing over his shoulder at the both of them and shouting over the din, “I'm off to find Dom.”
The waitress arrived and took their drink orders. Billy decided to stick with whiskey for he knew changing drinks could really mess you up and he didn't need that, not now.
They sat quietly, eyes scanning the crowded dance floor in what would appear to be a casual observance of couples dancing but in reality was a desire to seek out the individuals whom they long to be with. For Elijah, that person was Orli and for Billy there could be no other than Dom.
The drinks arrived and after downing his in a few quick gulps, Billy turned to Elijah, cleared his throat and started to ask the question that had haunted him all day, the one he'd yet to find an answer. What he saw before him made him hesitate; a man with the face of a child, so young, yet so old. Elijah has seen and been through more than most in the Fellowship and has maintained his true self throughout. Hollywood had not jaded this beautiful young man and this made Billy realized that none of them gave Elijah near enough credit for anything other than acting.
"Maybe Elijah would know the answer. Yeah, maybe he would." Billy thought.
"What's up dude? You look like you were going to say something then stopped." Elijah asked curiously.
"Yeah, umm I do sorta wanna ask you about umm, how you know when it's uh...really love and not just sex?" Billy's voice dropped off in a low, barely audible whisper.
"Dude, man, you're gonna have to speak up, I didn't hear the last part of what you just said."
Billy leaned in closer and spoke softly in Elijah's ear. "I wanted to know when you can tell if it's really love and not just sex, you know, when you're with someone?"
Elijah turned to Billy and a smile spread on his face from ear to ear. His eyes lit up as he asked in a loud enthusiastic voice, "Dude, you're in love? That's so cool! Who is it man, do I know her, uh him, the person? Do I know them?"
"Shhhh, keep it down." Billy said as he looked around worriedly. He wasn't ready to explain this to anyone, not yet, not until he knew the answer.
"But if you're in love Bills, you should want to shout it from the highest mountain, let the world know!"
"I don't know myself, Elijah. That's why I'm asking you."
"Me, really? I'm touched Billy. I mean no one ever comes to me for advise, unless of course it's about the business." Elijah leaned over and gave Billy a tight hug saying loudly in his ear, "Whatever you need man, I'm here for you!"
Though he was already beginning to regret his decision to ask Elijah, he continued on for he hadn't found the answer anywhere else so why not try got get it out of the mouths of babes, as the saying goes.
"Have you ever been in love, I mean really, truly in love?" Billy asked as he pulled away and looked Elijah straight in the eyes.
Elijah swallowed hard, glanced down for a second before turning his attention toward's the dance floor where his sight sought out and honed in on Orli, who at the present was dancing wildly with Dom in the center of a group of screaming girls. There his gazed lingered and a look of pure love came over his face. Billy didn't need to ask, he knew where Elijah's heart lay.
"Yeah." Elijah finally said in a dry raspy voice as he turned back toward Billy "Yeah, I've been in love."
"And how did you know? What made you first realize that it was more than just sex?"
Elijah let out a small chuckle at this and lowered his head in embarrassment. "Um, it's weird you know. But for me, I'd have to say it was taste."
"Taste?" Billy looked dumbfounded. "What does that mean?"
"Well," Elijah started as he looked back up. "In sex, everyone likes the taste of kisses; on the lips, skin, oral sex, you know what I mean. But when I realized I was in love, truly in love...I noticed I didn't mind the taste of the bad kisses either. In fact, I looked forward to them even more because they were the ones that were unprepared and meant so much more."
"I'm sorry Elijah but you've lost me here. Bad kisses, what does that mean?" Billy asked, more confused than ever now.
"You know, the first thing in the morning kiss – the one with the taste of morning breath. Then there's the kiss on the face or skin when they've been hard at work all day and they taste of sweat, dirt, makeup, powder and lotion and skin glue. But you don't care because all that matters is that they're there and you love them and you want to kiss them no matter what they taste like. Understand what I mean?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I do." Billy answered in amazement as he looked in awe at Elijah. Here was the youngest of his new friends yet he's the one who'd came closer to the answer Billy was seeking than anyone he'd asked so far.
Before anymore could be said, they were interrupted by Dom who unceremoniously plopped himself down beside Billy, put his arm around his shoulders and gave him a wet sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Bills, where the hell ya been, we've been waiting for you?" Dom shouted, hoping to be heard over the roar of the music.
"Actually Dom, I've been here for a little while now. Working on my third drink, truth be told." Billy replied as he lifted said glass to his lips taking a sip.
"Well, times a wastn' come on mate, dance with me!" Dom jumped up, gabbed Billy by the arm and proceeded to drag him out of the booth.
Billy protested as much as he could but Dom would have none of it. Soon, Billy found himself gyrating to the music in the center of the screaming girls with Dom right by his side.
After awhile, the music slowed and Dom pulled him close, both arms around his waist, fingers tugging at the belt loops on the back of his jeans. Billy didn't resist, how could he when there was no place else on the earth he rather be at this time.
The music invaded his mind; the soft sound of a flute entranced him as he leaned in closer. He could smell the musky scent of his after shave; the one Billy gave him for Christmas. He smiled as he remembered how excited Dom was when he'd gotten it, knowing that it was Billy's favorite and he's worn it ever since.
Sighing contently, he reached up and touched the muscles of Dom's forearms; running his hands in small circles over them, feeling their sinew, their strength and smiled again knowing that there was protection and love to be found there.
The music stopped but the embrace continued, neither wanting this precious moment to end. Swaying back and forth until the instrumental strings of a guitar picked up the beat were the mystic sounds of the flute left off.
"One more time?" Dom said softly.
Billy looked up into his face and smiled at the sight before him. Dom's face was alight with emotion; exuberance and desire radiated from him and seeing this made Billy's heart skip a beat.
They continued on with their waltzing embrace, oblivious to those around them. At this time, no one else existed...the world was theirs.
Billy cupped his hand behind Dom's head, pulling it down toward him. Without hesitation, their lips met; the kiss tender at first but grew in intensity until their passion could not be contained. Billy tasted the salty moistness of Dom's tongue as it invaded his mouth, thrusting in and out as if keeping time with the music.
He tasted of cloves and beer and Billy realizing he must have shared a drag or two on Elijah's cigarette, he tended to do that whenever they were out with the guys. Despite the fact that Billy hated those cigarettes, he smiled inwardly amazed at the fact that Elijah was right, taste didn't matter when all you want is to be with the one you love.
As the music peaked, so did the kiss. But when the tempo faded, sliding silently into an ending that held more questions than answers, the kiss did not.
It was Billy who noticed first that they were the only ones left out there on the floor, how long ago the music stopped, he had no idea. Breaking free from Dom's kiss brought forth a feral groan from him as lips reached out in protest. Billy remained strong, however as he pulled gently away, looked up at Dom and said softly, "Let's go."
They didn't stop to say goodbye, they didn't even stop to pay the tab. "Let Elijah pay, he's the one making the big bucks." Billy thought.
Outside the pub they hailed the first cab they saw and quickly climbed in the back, neither having said a word to the other since leaving the dance floor. They sat more than a foot apart for fear that the slightest touch would send them off to places that best not be discovered with an audience present.
The air was thick with tension and they both sat on the edge of their seats in anticipation of their arrival home, Dom's home to be exact.
Upon their arrival, Billy paid the driver while Dom flew up the steps, taking them two at a time, dropped his key twice in his urgency to unlock the door and threw it open with such force it slammed against the inside wall and bounced back shutting the door in rebound.
A laugh escaped Billy's throat as he asked, "Need a little help there Dommie?"
Dom's only response was a rich hardy laugh in return.
They both stood there, laughing hysterically like two mad men and didn't stop until their sides hurt and their lips felt cracked and dry from the cold night air.
When the silence again invaded them, Dom motioned with a tilt of his head and said, "Inside."
Barely making it through the door, Billy found himself pressed up against the wall, lips locked on lips and hips grinding into hips. Billy felt Dom's growing arousal rubbing oh so heavenly up against his own. Neither could deny their desire for the other.
In that moment, answers were forgotten and questions were a distant memory. Time stood still for Billy, love was the only thing that entered his mind.
"I love this man." He thought, "And nothing else matters."
Suddenly, when the edge was near and the precipice was about to be breached, Dom stopped...everything.
Looking up at Billy, he said with all sincerity and humility, "I can't do this, not until you know."
"Know what Dom?" Billy asked in a raspy voice barely above a whisper.
"That I love you. I've loved you for so long I can't even remember when it began. I don't want just sex from you Billy. I want, no I need you to love me too before we can do this." A pensive look came over Dom's face as he gazed at Billy, eyes pleading for the reply he so eagerly sought.
Billy smiled his most genuine smile yet for the answer was finally clear. While love could be found in scent of someone, in the touch of another, in the sight of the one you seek and in the taste of something as simple yet complex as a kiss; he knew that love, for him at least, was found in the sound of another. The voice of his soul mate telling him he loves him. That was something that can't be misconstrued and took complete and utter trust in your partner for one to share such a verbal expression of emotion.
Billy reached up and brushed his fingers over Dom's swollen lips. Leaning in he kissed them tenderly and then, barely braking contact he said the words that were trapped inside him for so long, the ones that wanted to tumble from his lips at the least opportune moment but he'd somehow managed to keep them in check. The words that were too important for him to say them to just anyone. The words he'd saved for Dom and Dom alone.
"I love you too."
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