fellowshippers | The Monster!

Hello friends and neighbors. Like most everyone I know, I’m still trying to come to grips with the fact that I’m surrounded by IDIOTS!... but enough about America. I’ve managed to cobble together another episode of The Luckiest Dog in the World, #12. Hope that you enjoy, and that things are going well with you and yours. Oh, and here’s a Lame joke too:

What’s hard and pink when it goes in, and warm and soft when it comes out? Bubble gum.

Title: Doggie Dreams
Series: The Luckiest Dog in the World - 12
Author: Pecos – PecosPhil@sprintmail.com
Website: http://www.chimerafic.com
Rating: PG - adult language, innuendo
Feedback: remember the golden rule, (please!)
Disclaimer: I don’t make the toys, I’m
only playing with them. No money made,
nor disrespect intended
Who’s in it?: Orlando Bloom, his Dog, his pals...
Note: Please forgive any intentional or
unintentional abuse of facts and history.
Summary: Sidi is Orlando’s dog, and he’s got a
story to tell
Additional Note: I have it on good authority that
squirrels really ARE evil

Doggie Dreams

I think it was a Bad Dream. There was a collar around my neck, and it wasn’t the big leather collar that my Alpha Male had given me so I can drag him around when he needs to go places. There were other collars, around each of my legs, and around my chest, and my tummy, and even my lovely curly-up tail, and these collars were heavy, and I was trying to Run and I couldn’t do it!

My muzzle had a collar too and I couldn’t Bark! even though I wanted to! This was an Awful Thing! and I tried to scratch the collars off, but then there were leashes and leads attached to them and they were all pulling in different directions! My eyes got real Big and my feet came up off the ground and then WoW! I woke up! with a yelp!

“Sidi?” said a rough voice in the dark.

I quickly realized that there were no collars, except the one I’m supposed to have. I used my nose to find my Alpha, Orlando, where he was leaning over the side of the bed with one hand out to me. I put my muzzle in his palm and whined, and licked his salty smooth skin.

“What’s wrong?” asked my Alpha Bitch, Kate, who Orlando calls Piglet when they’re alone with just me there.

“Dog had a bad dream,” he said. See? I told you before that he’s Smart!

“Lie Down, Sidi,” Kate said. “It’ll be hours until morning.”

I was still licking my Alpha’s wrist, and he scratched my ears and rubbed between my eyes. “Poor puppy,” he whispered, and then shifted over in the bed so he was hugging Kate and there was some room behind him. He patted the covers softly, and I immediately jumped up on the Bed, which is my Best Place to sleep and I Never have bad dreams up there!

“Get your dog off the bed,” Kate grumbled, falling asleep again.

My Alpha nuzzled her and licked her neck like a Good Male should with his Bitch and muttered something while I snuggled in behind him and sighed the big Going to Sleep sigh. Kate giggled about something and then the people got Quiet again. My Alpha petted my head and I knew that if I stayed Quiet I could sleep on the bed. I didn’t have any more Bad Dreams that night.

We were in the Hotel place in Kent Ucky, and my Alpha was playing the Elizabeth Town Game with his Pack, and Kate came to be with us, so our Pack was three. I don’t mind three, but I like bigger Packs because there’s always someone doing something Fun!

In the morning they went away for a while and then my Alpha came back and made packing with the Little Bag, which means he’s going to go Far Away but not to be gone for a Long time. I was very nervous about this because my bowl was still on the floor in the little people piss room and my Toy! basket was by the window, so I wasn’t going to get to Go with Orlando.

He petted me and showed me that my Toys! were safe, and then he Left, but Kate was still with me, so it wasn’t too bad. I have abandonment issues, you know. Kate wanted to go out Walkies, so I showed her the city and we walked a lot. Some of the Squeee Girls stopped us, but it wasn’t anything like when I’m with my Alpha. Kate met up with Curse-tin, who used to be the Mean-behind-your-back Woman, but Curse-tin was all Nice with Kate there and petted me like she had always been Pals with me.

The Bitches went to a place to sit and drink stinky drinks, and they talked about their Males. Curse-tin was Sad, and I decided that I would give her another chance, because I’m a Good Dog and I know that sometimes people make mistakes about who they like. She was talking about her Male and making sad-water from her eyes and I got up from under the table and licked her hand and she started petting me and didn’t push me away with her foot like before.

Kate was being Nice with Curse-tin, and they both got a little woozy with the drinking, but nothing like what My Alpha can do with Beers and Stinky wine, where he can’t even walk right and thinks that everything is Very Funny. A Guy from the Play Pack who has hairy legs came to the place where we were and then everyone got up and walked back to the Hotel. Kate remembered to feed me Crunchy Good Things and we played for a while, then she eventually went to bed late at night and the two of us slept okay, even though we both missed our Alpha Male and one of us had to stay on the floor.

The next morning when I went Outside for my morning shit and a Romp and I saw Nemo Dog (from before!), and we got to Play for a while in the cool grass! I had one of my Toys! in my mouth and he wanted to Play with my Toy! too, but I wouldn’t let him have it and he was too short to grab it, but he’s faster than me, so it was a Good Playing! and wrestling and we both got pretty tired for first thing in the morning!

The Lady with the sparkly things in her ears watched us Play until Nemo had to Go Away! and then I got my Toy! back and I had to go back to Kate who was sitting in the café Everywhere drinking coffee (It’s called that because that same café is Everywhere you go!) and talking on her noisy box. I like how different people will let me Play and watch after me because they’re Nice and they like Dogs and they like my Alpha and they probably wish they could be in my Pack too.

I could probably have the Biggest Pack Ever if there was a bed big enough for everybody.

That night came and my Alpha came back to the hotel and I was Really Happy to see him again! See, I told you about how packing the Little Bag means he’s coming back! I really am very smart, even for a Dog! It took me a long time to finish smelling my Alpha and his Bag and his shoes and everything he had been wearing, and then I had a good picture of where he’d been and who he’d been with and what they’d eaten and how hot it was and that the Evil Squeee girl Bitch that I Hate hadn’t been near him. This was all Okay with me and my tail was wagging and my Alpha was busy making friends with Piglet and so I lay down and watched them. That stuff that they do is pretty weird, so I got bored and fell asleep.

There was more Acting stuff the next day, and my Alpha and I got to Ride in a Car to a far away place and there was Horses near there! But I never got to go find them and roll in any great Horseshit, which is a shame. The people in the Play Pack were all hot from the sun and they were moving and talking kind of slow. Orlando was driving a Car with all sort of stuff stuck on it and people all around it and I thought I should be riding in the Car with him, but he just kept going back and forth and never getting anywhere, so maybe he forgot how to drive to somewhere interesting. See, if I had been leading him we would have gone a Long Ways!

I did my best to remember not to Bark! or make a Racket, and during lunch I got to eat something spicy from a bowl that tasted Really Great, but it made me fart really bad all that night. Kate complained and opened the window in the hotel room, and you’d think she would be used to that sorta thing since she keeps Fart-smell Dog with her in Lost Angeles. There was no way I was going to get to sleep on the bed with them that night...in fact I had to sleep in the other room, which wasn’t really fair because I never make a face when the People fart, and they do it too!

So, anyway, I was sleeping on the Get-off couch when a sound outside the door woke me up, and I could hear that there were Some People out there. I went over to the door and sniffed at the cracks to see if I could tell who it was and I could hear whispering and moving, and then I heard talking very softly and then I knew that this was not people who should be outside our door, so I growled. Someone put a piece of paper under the bottom of the door and that was enough for me to know that it was time to *Protect My Pack!* and I started Barking! the Big Mean Bark! which is enough to wake up everybody in the hotel and tell them that Bad People are around!

There was so much noise (made by Me!) that I couldn’t tell if anyone was still there, but my Alpha came running to the door and grabbed my collar. I wasn’t going anywhere until everybody in my Pack was Safe! “Sidi, stop it!” Orlando said, and he was trying to find a cloth skin to put on to cover his male parts. I was barking just the Warning Bark! by then. He jerked on my collar, which surprised me so much I shut up for a moment and then I could hear that the Bad People were gone. My Alpha opened the door a little bit and looked out, and I tried to get out there so I could do a Patrol and make some piss Marks to warn everybody about my Pack being Strong, but he wasn’t going to let the Dog out to do his Job. There was no one around, except another hotel sleeping person looking out of their own room.

“Sorry!” called my Alpha, and he jerked my collar again, which was really Not Fair no matter how you look at it. Was it My Fault that Bad People were sneaking around? Orlando closed the door and glared at me and was going to Yell at me when he saw the paper on the ground where my claws had kinda dragged it and maybe crumpled it up some. He picked up the paper and looked at it for a while. Kate was asking things from the other room and he told her “it’s all right now,” and then he put the paper in the trash bin. I could get it out of there later and rip it all into little bits if I wanted to, which I did.

“Good Dog!” my Alpha told me, petting me and kissing the top of my muzzle, and my tail wagged a lot. He went back to the bed and I farted a good one and went back to the couch, but I kept my eyes open for a long time so I could Guard my Pack like I’m supposed to do.

Later that night I had another dream. In this one I was chasing squirrels. Did you know that there’s squirrels All Over Kent Ucky? It’s like infested with them, and it’s because of all the big trees, which I do like (the trees, I mean). But squirrels are just as bad as rats, except that everyone seems to think that they’re cute and stuff when really they’re just Evil! and Bad! and they Tease you and Steal Your Food and *I HATE SQUIRRELS!*

Anyhow, my dream was about chasing them, and I couldn’t catch them no matter how fast I would run! The squirrels were stealing Treats! and running up in trees where I couldn’t reach and when I was barking at one of them another bunch came and took away my Food Bowl and then they got my favorite squeaker Toy! and carried it up a tree too! The ugly, mean squirrels flicked their tails at me and made chatter-racket teasing noises. They even got my Best New Toy! and boy, was I was Mad about that, and I turned around again and there was Nice-smell Lady and she was feeding All of My Crunchy Good Things to the squirrels! And then a squirrel was carrying Nemo Dog up a tree too! and when I ran to Save! him my Alpha was standing there saying “Sidi, stop it!” and he was Petting a squirrel on his shoulder!

*I REALLY, REALLY HATE SQUIRRELS!*

I woke up whining, and it was still dark in our hotel place. I patrolled the inside, and there was no squirrels or Bad People there, so I finally went back to sleep. But I was Watching!

The next morning I was left alone in the room while the People went out for some reason. Usually this is a good time to sleep on the bed for a while, but I was playing with one of my squeaker Toys. I threw it in the air and chased it on the bounce, and I would jump and knock it about and pounce on it before grabbing it and going “sqeeeksqueeeksqueeeksqueeeeeeeee!”, which is just lots of fun! There was a noise in the hallway of thumping and so on and then a knock at the door.

Bad guys don’t knock, I think, so I made the friendly Woof! and heard a person speaking. Then the lock turned and the door opened and a Woman came inside a little bit, looking around. She saw me with my tail wagging and said ‘hello’ to me, so I went over to sniff her. She was a person who made eggs at breakfast and burned the toast and has a lot of yucky chemical smells on her shoes and her hands were smelly too, and she has Cats at home but she liked Dogs okay because she stopped to pet me for a little while. She got some stuff from her little Car in the hallway and then came in and started moving things around in our rooms.

I didn’t think she was there to steal anything, but I watched her anyway. She was taking some of the towels and stuff, but then she gave us fresh new ones, so it’s more like an ‘I’ll trade you’ thing. She scrubbed out the people piss bowl where my emergency water supply is, and that was nice because I like it better when it’s clean. She folded up the bed to make it smooth and opened the curtains so the sun could come inside and look around. I thought that this was all a pretty good idea, and I followed her around while she did these things.

But then there was something Awful that happened! She had a Monster in her Car, and she brought it inside with us and shut the door again before sticking its tail into a hole in the wall. Now I’ve heard these Monsters screaming before, but I’d never seen one, and this Horrible thing is called Vacuum Monster! and she let it loose to run around our room while she tried to hang onto it! It banged its head against the walls and tried to crawl under the furniture and the whole time it was Screaming like a Cat with a stepped-on tail!

You can guess that I was Out of There! as far as I could go, which was into the little piss room, and even in there I wasn’t safe from this Horrifying Vacuum Monster, and I hid behind the door and hoped that it wouldn’t kill and eat the Woman because I! wasn’t going out there to save her! She had brought it into the room with her, stupid Woman!, and now it was running Amuck and making more Racket than any ten Dogs! The sound finally quit and then I heard that the Woman was still alive, but I wasn’t going to check on her until that thing had left. She said words like you would to go away, and then the door shut.

I stayed in the piss room just to be safe.

A Long Time passed and I was still worrying about that Monster when I heard the door open again, and in a moment my Alpha Male called out “Sidi? Com’mere Boy!” I went scrambling so fast that my claws skittered on the smooth floor, and then I was with him and climbing up in his arms and he was worried to see me so scared.

Kate said something about the “Made” had been, but it was the Vacuum Monster I was still scared of! Orlando said that they weren’t supposed to come, which must mean that we would be safe for a while, and he picked me up for a moment like he used to before I grew all up and got so Big. He found my Best New Toy! and got some Treats out for me and I decided that I would be Okay even with the Monster loose somewhere in the hotel place. When the People got ready to leave I was at the door with my lead because I wasn’t going to stay there alone again!

There was lots of fun stuff going on with the Elizabeth Town Play Pack that day, and it was a good place to be. There was rain that fell out of the sky for a while and more of that silly driving back and forth stuff in the strange Car with all the people around it. Kate had got a floating plate and I went and brought it back for her lots of times and my tongue was hanging Way Out from the heat! Fixes-things Guy gave me some Treats too and I got a new chewy bone from one of the Guys Who Work Hard. It lasted a long time before it got so small that I lost the bits in the grass!

Late that day my Alpha was eating some Food while I kept him company and to make sure he didn’t drop anything when I heard someone coming from a Car nearby. Orlando saw the person too and jumped up like he’d got stung by a scorpion, and he dropped his food plate and ran, yelling out “Johnny!” I was so excited that I didn’t even jump on the dropped plate, but I ran too so I could see if I knew this person! There was hugging and face touches and laughing, and I stuck my nose in there quick to see who it was.

This was Dark-eyes with the Gentle-hands Man, and he smelled of smoke and leather and spices that you might want to eat. He had soft clothes that he’d worn for a long time, and something on him made a little jangle noise like the tag on my collar, and his face was very expressive of his Real thoughts. He shared a Den with Human Puppies and a Bitch who wore fake flower smell, and he had dried weeds in his pocket. He didn’t mind me sniffing, even when I stuck my nose in his crotch to be sure that he was a full male and not neutered. My Alpha called him ‘Johnny!’.

There was a Lot of Happy talk, and my Alpha Bitch Kate came over too and was Happy to see Johnny and other people stopped to make hellos. Orlando petted me some, but I was not the center of attention. However, I didn’t mind too much because Johnny used his soft hands to scratch my tender ears and he told me that I was a ‘Handsome Lad!’ I guess that Dark-eyes with the Gentle-hands Man is pretty smart!

Johnny said that he was visiting ‘family’, which means his Pack, there in Kent Ucky, and he wanted to talk to my Alpha about something ‘Pirate’. The Play Pack people were done for the night and I could tell that there was going to be something like a party! You already know how much I love parties!

Imagine my surprise when the Dog got locked up alone back in the room for the night!

I made my nest right on top of the bed and farted and sighed the big Going to Sleep sigh, then I fell asleep.

I didn’t dream that night.

The Monster!

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