ext_57314 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
arabia764.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2004-11-02 10:17 am
arabia764.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-11-02 10:17 am
Fic: Damaged Part 8 The last bit!
This is it folks, the last part. Thank you to everyone for all the fun along the way, it is, as ever, much appreciated. Welcome to all those new people who have friended me, you maybe disappointed if it’s just for the fics because I’m very, VERY slow!
There is going to be a second story in the Damaged universe but it won’t be for a while yet. I did warn you I was slow.
Take care now.
Details bit...
Title: Damaged
Author: Arabia
Pairing: Elijah/Orli
Rating N17
Disclaimer: Total fiction
Notes: An AU set in modern day South London. It's a bit angsty but there's nothing really nasty in it.
Part Eight
When Orli returned, face shiny from cool water quickly splashed on it, Elijah was lying on his back again, smiling up. Orli stood in the doorway for a moment and just looked. Elijah was beautiful, no doubt about that, but he was also going to be bloody hard work. So many attitudes and ingrained reactions to change, so many opinions about himself.
Orli suspected he was going to get hurt along the way, unintentionally maybe, but it would happen more than once. And he was absolutely sure it would be worth it. He’d feel whole again… part of something. This was what he wanted, Elijah was who he wanted.
Now all he had to do was convince the little bugger.
“I’ve bought a flannel and a towel,” Orli waved them in the air, moving menacingly towards Elijah. “Let’s get you clean again. You don’t want to stay covered in my cum.”
“I don’t mind.”
“But you’ll stink,” Orli smiled.
“Orlando,” Elijah looked up at him, eyes big and serious. “I really don’t mind being covered in anything of yours.”
“I know the feeling,” Orli looked back. “But let me do this for you, I want to do things for you.”
They were both silent for a moment and then Elijah took a deep breath and looked at the flannel, eyeing it suspiciously. “Is it cold?”
“Nah, I got it out of the fridge ages ago,” Orli climbed onto the edge of the bed and wiped the flannel carefully down from Elijah’s nipple. It was warm and soft and Elijah sighed back into the bed. The sensation was so soothing, so tender, that he almost felt like he was floating.
Orli ran the cloth down over Elijah’s belly, wiping away the dried splotches of silvery cum. He lifted off and started another pass, in from Elijah’s hip. As Orli got closer to Elijah’s groin a hand suddenly shot out covering the flattened side of his scrotum. “Don’t Orli, don’t get too close to it,” Elijah said in a small voice.
“Why? I’ve already seen it remember.”
“But that was different. That was before it mattered.”
“Idiot,” Orli smiled, his voice full of such warm affection that Elijah’s breath hitched in his chest. He lifted Elijah’s hand away and bent down to plant an open mouthed kiss on the warm, gently wrinkled skin. “I think it’s beautiful, just like I think you’re beautiful.
“And Shane said you had taste?” Elijah tried to joke off the tightness he felt at the back of his throat.
“Yeah,” Orli kissed again. “And he was right. I have impeccable taste.”
He let the soft cloth glide over Elijah’s skin, dropping little kisses over each patch he washed, air on the dampened flesh making it tremble in anticipation. Down from a rounded shoulder, over a pebbled nipple, across a quivering belly, up from a lean, softly muscled thigh. All paths seemed to lead to the heat in Elijah’s groin.
Orli dropped the cloth on the floor and let his hand brush up against the hairs on Elijah’s inner thigh, his open mouth trailing kisses after it till he reached the crease where thigh met body. Gently, carefully he licked along the scar, feeling the raised ridges at its edges.
Elijah mumbles something incoherent as the sensation ricocheted along the damaged skin. Orli glanced up, his mouth still in place. Elijah’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut, his head angled back, a creeping red stain growing across the pale skin of his neck and chest.
Pushing Elijah’s legs apart, Orli slipped in between, his mouth barely leaving flesh. As he settled he let his lips travel down to Elijah’s scrotum and sucked the solid round side into his mouth. Elijah’s breath hitched, his back arched and his hands fisted in the sheet as Orli explored the shape and feel of testicle hidden inside. He constricted the ring of his lips, curving his tongue to push and roll it, tracing the tightening ridges of skin. Such a gorgeous sensation, such a pleasure in his mouth.
When Orli felt the flesh in his mouth tense even more and a shudder run the length of Elijah’s body he eased back, allowing the ball to slip from his mouth. Elijah’s reprise didn’t last long as Orli moved his attention to the other side, drawing the empty flesh up into his mouth.
Elijah made an odd sound at the back of his throat, trying to twist his hips away. Orli simply held on tighter.
Same taste, same smell, a different feel, but no less wonderful. With a deliberate tongue he lapped at it, holding it tight within his lips, as he tested Elijah’s reaction.
Maybe not quite as intense as the other side but still a shudder, still an appreciable arching of his back as his heels pushed down into the bed.
Orli lifted his head a little and deliberately let Elijah’s cock bump against his cheek. The reaction was just what he’d hoped for. Elijah shifted his hips, pushing up and in towards Orli’s face. An unconscious, instinctive reaction that made Orli’s heart swell.
He licked a broad, hard stroke with the flat of his tongue up the full length of the darkly flushed cock and Elijah shuddered. Orli tried the action again and was rewarded with a low, dark, “Oh,” as well as the shudder. Lifting up he slicked his lips around the tip of Elijah’s cock, tightening a ring just below the head, using the back of his tongue to rub across the top and ghost into the slit.
Elijah thrust up hard into the too shallow hollow of Orli’s mouth, trying frantically to push his way further in. Orli held fast, not moving his lips any lower down. He rubbed again, deep into the slit, savouring the taste. Elijah bucked up.
“Orli… please…”
“Please what?” Orli asked, his chin rubbing at Elijah’s cock, the chafing causing tiny explosions of liquid fire. “What do you want?”
“I…” only Elijah wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted. “I need to come.”
“You need to come…” Orli let the words roll around his mouth as his tongue licked tiny trails across the tip of Elijah’s cock; tiny, maddeningly slow, nowhere near hard enough trails that made Elijah’s back arch and his cock swell further still.
“Please,” Elijah gulped, desperate not to beg too much, not yet.
“And how do you want me to make you come?” He watched as a tiny droplet of sweat collected in the hollow of Elijah’s throat.
“I don’t care, just… ” Still Elijah didn’t know, but it was becoming too much to wait any longer. He wanted it now; he wanted it all.
“What do you want me to do?” Orli lapped at the tip, his tongue scraping and nuzzling.
“Don’t care,” Elijah pushed his hips up harder. “Do anything you like, only do it now.”
Abruptly Orli sat back on his heels. “Can’t do that. I can only do what you want.”
“Huh?” Elijah wriggled around, trying to find any comfort he could for the ache in his cock.
“This isn’t about me, Elijah. It’s about you. What do you want?”
“What do you mean, it’s not about you?” Elijah tried to pull Orli back down, determined to move things on anyway he could. “Course it’s about you. There are two of us in this bed, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Orli smiled, but then went on, deadly serious. “But right now what I want is to do is something for you. I want to do whatever you want.”
“There’re too many bloody ‘wants’ in this conversation for me,” Elijah said pushing himself up onto his elbows. “I know I’ll like whatever you do, so you decide.”
“Can’t,” Orli folded his arms. “It has to be what you want.”
“But it doesn’t work like that with me!”
“Does now,” Orli said, his evil grin ridged with determination. “With you sex has always been about the other person. This time it’s gonna be all about you and your desires. So, what do you want?”
Elijah stared at Orli for a long moment, eyes bright with hope, realisation hitting home. He took a deep breath and then his lustful, cheeky grin was back in place. “I just need to come. Can’t we get on with the fucking?”
“You want to fuck or do you want me to blow you?” Orli asked.
“Oh god,” Elijah shook his head in mock disbelief. “Just get on with it,” he grabbed at Orli’s hand, pushing it down onto his groin.
“You want a wank?” Orli pulled his hand away. “You’ve already had one of those, I thought you’d want something different this time.”
“I do!” Elijah’s cry was almost shrill. “But I need… something, anything, now.”
“So…” Orli smiled, his voice annoyingly calm and controlled. “What’s it to be, a fuck or a blow job?”
Elijah stopped, his eyes flicking from Orli’s mouth to his cock, never having had to make this decision before.
“Blow me,” he said lying back down. But before his head had hit the pillow he was back up again. “No, I want to fuck. We can do a mutual blow later… but not too much later… it’s too complicated to arrange now… I gotta come before I explode.”
“Sure?”
“For Christ sake, shut up and get on with it!” The anger in his voice was tinged with a delighted humour. But only just.
“Impatient bastard,” Orli said leaning in for a kiss. It was slow, hard and very wet. When Orli finally managed to push Elijah away his lips were tingling from the pressure. “You wanna top or bottom?”
“Orli!” Elijah grabbed at Orli’s hair, holding him in place. “I don’t care, just do something.”
“Uh ah, I can’t. You still don’t understand, do you? It all has to be what you want,” he licked around Elijah’s lips, tracing over the tongue that peeked out. “I’m quite happy to do either.”
“I don’t see why it all has to be about me.”
“Trust me on this one,” Orli licked again. “If you wanna get off it has to be like this.”
Elijah’s hips pushed up, his cock slip sliding over Orli’s hipbone. He gave in and made a decision. “Top,” Orli started to pull away and turn over. “No, I mean you top. I can’t think straight enough to do the work.”
“Okay,” Orli sat back again. “What position do you want?”
Elijah grabbed at the pillow under his head, pulling it over his mouth and screamed long and loud into it. When he finally lifted it off his eyes were blazing. “If you ask me to make one more decision I swear I’ll kick your bloody head in.” He opened his legs wider, pulling his knees up high. “Now, do it now.”
“All right. But one last thing and you have to promise on this or we go no further.” At that moment, under the haze of anticipation, Elijah could see that Orli was totally serious. “If I do anything you don’t like or that reminds you of… some other time, you have to tell me. No staying quiet.”
Elijah held his breath for a second. Never had he ever felt so safe and so loved. “Promise,” he nodded.
“Good,” Orli arched over and licked up from Elijah’s ankle to his knee. “Now you lie back and think of England or wherever.”
He licked intricate patterns on Elijah’s knee before moving on down his thigh, his hand tracing a similar path along the other leg. Elijah’s breath caught in his chest, his eyes squeezing shut.
Orli slid onto his belly, his hands coming to rest in the creases between Elijah’s legs and body. He wanted this. He wanted it so badly. He wanted to pull himself up and shove his cock in so hard, so deep… and pound, pound, pound away until the throbbing in his cock and the ache in his chest exploded freeing him and letting him breathe again.
But he also wanted to do this right.
And he wanted to do that more.
He rubbed his nose into the base of Elijah’s cock, his mouth trailing open-mouthed kisses on the sac hanging beneath. He let his tongue slide out, playing with the flesh, lifting, caressing, touching with a firmness just enough to torment.
Sliding a hand under Elijah’s knee he lifted it, pressing it back. Elijah’s breath faltered, tiny strangled puffs of sound hardly enough to do the job of getting oxygen into his lungs. Orli explored lower, under the sac, over flesh that quivered and tensed as he probed, into the shadowy space below.
“You don’t have to do that,” Elijah’s voice stuttered, dark and breathy from above.
“I know I don’t ‘have’ to do it,” Orli blew a steady stream of air on the tense muscle. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to.”
“But…”
“You ever done it?” Orli asked.
He felt rather than saw Elijah’s nod. “Don’t see why I can’t do it then.” Orli thought for a second. “Ever had it done to you?”
“No,” Elijah whispered.
“Well then, you’re going to enjoy this,” he smiled.
“But…”
“Elijah, unless you really, really want me to stop for some weird reason you should shut up now.”
Elijah went quiet, his breath held tight in his chest, hand clamped over his mouth as he waited.
Orli bent his head again, his tongue snaking out, touching and tasting. He found the creased ring right as Elijah’s hand found his hair. Orli expected fingers that would push and pull at his scalp, directing the action and the speed. Instead they trailed through the strands in a gentle caress. He licked a firm stroke across the hole. The fingers tensed, but arched out, away from his head for a moment before they were back.
Orli licked again and again, gentle soft strokes and then harder, more demanding until the body below him was trembling, arching up in awkward angles. He curled his tongue, centring at the very middle of the wrinkled flesh, and pushed slow but steady.
Elijah gave a strange strangled cry, pulling his knees further up, pushing his hips, offering himself to Orli. The ring of muscle opened a little, taking in just the tip of Orli’s tongue, and then faltered, tightening as Orli’s tongue twisted and eased the way.
Orli pushed again, stretching and relaxing tense muscles before he lifted away. Elijah’s hands twisted in the sheet and he whimpered, a high, pathetic little sound as he lifted his hips again, pushing forward towards Orli. He didn’t want the sweet torture to stop.
“You’re tight,” Orli said, kissing the inside of Elijah’s thigh. “Have you fucked since you got out of the hospital?
“No!” Elijah cried, indignation easing his need for Orli to continue. “You know I haven’t.” He didn’t understand why it mattered so much to him that Orli could even think he had.
“Okay, so we’ll have to take it easy,” Orli lifted himself up and sat back. He ran a hand down past Elijah’s knee, massaging the tense muscle and smiled reassuringly. “I figured you hadn’t. But we need to ease the way with some…” he kissed the side of Elijah’s knee, “lovely,” a kiss to the other knee, “slippery,” a lick up a thigh, “slimy,” a flick of tongue over a single ball and along the length of a cock, “lube,” a final open-mouthed kiss to Elijah’s belly button.
Elijah half laughed, half groaned as his hand went from its death grip on the sheet to search under the pillow. It came out empty. He tried to twist round, “I can’t find it,” he said lifting the pillow up.
“In the drawer,” Orli nodded towards the side table.
“But all gay men keep their lube under the pillow,” Elijah managed a full laugh this time, a huge effort with his breath still stuttering in his chest, pink tinges of colour flushing high on his cheeks and mottling his chest.
“Not when they haven’t had sex with anyone except their hand in months.”
Elijah pulled the small tube from the drawer. “No blow up dolls?” He said, desperate to appear calm and in control as he tossed the lube at Orli and reached back in.
“Nope, too poor for them.”
Elijah flicked over a condom packet. “Might as well get everything ready while we’re at it.”
Orli stared down at the small foil packet in his hand, and then looked up at Elijah. For a long, long moment he didn’t move, he just sat, watching.
“Orlando?” Elijah’s intestines twisted and tightened under Orli’s gaze. “What’s the matter? It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind, I understand if….”
“Do I need this?” Orli interrupted, holding up the packet.
“Course you do. No one would want to fuck me without one.”
“I do,” Orli said simply.
“But…” Elijah didn’t understand.
“Why do I need it?”
“To protect yourself,” Elijah shrugged. “You know that. You have to use one.”
“What am I protecting myself from?” Orli asked.
“Me.” Elijah’s eyes were hooded, unreadable. “You have to protect yourself from me.”
Orli dropped the packet on the side of the bed near Elijah’s hip. “I know I’m clear, I haven’t done anything since I got tested, and you were tested when you were in hospital. It came back clear, didn’t it?”
Elijah nodded.
“I believe you when you said you haven’t done anything since then. So what do I need protecting from?”
“But you… can’t take chances. What if….?”
“What if what? I trust you,” Orli said.
“Shit, Orlando,” Elijah rubbed at his face, the enormity of the situation hitting him. “Just put the condom on.”
“I don’t want to. I trust you enough to believe that you won’t hurt me, no matter what. If you fuck around in the future you won’t put me in danger. You’ll either tell me or just make sure we use a condom.”
Elijah sucked in several long, harsh breaths. Things were moving in ways he hadn’t thought about, it was all so… grown up. Orli didn’t play games like everyone else. He wanted things real and open, he was honest and true.
“I won’t fuck around but…”
“Be careful what you promise,” Orli interrupted. “You say that now but it’s going to be hard to change.”
“I won’t,” Elijah’s voice was full of determination but also something else, something small and scared.
“I know you’ll try and, knowing you, I bet you succeed and I really, really want you to ‘cos… I don’t want to share you Elijah, not with anyone.”
“I’m scared,” Elijah said, and wide eyes stared up at Orli from a pale face. “You scare me.”
“For god’s sake, why?” Orli asked amazed.
“You… you want to love a whole person, a normal person and I don’t know how to be that. Everything gets so… complicated with you. Can’t we just fuck?”
“You want me to fuck you or love you?” Orli asked simply.
“Jesus Orli,” Elijah’s voice wavered, echoes of all sorts of emotion running through it. “I’ve never been so scared as I am right now.”
“Tell me, what are you frightened of?”
“I’m frightened that… that I won’t be able to live up to what you think I am and…” He ran out of words.
“And what?”
“You’ll…” It was make or break time, either Elijah trusted Orli or he couldn’t make that step. Orli sat back and waited, this was one decision Elijah had to make alone.
It wasn’t the bent and open legs or the nakedness that left Elijah exposed and vulnerable, it was his words. “I’m so scared you’ll leave when you realise I’m not the person you want, and then… I’ll have nothing.” Just for a brief moment he was unable to meet Orli’s gaze and his eyes flickered down.
Orli gently rested a hand on Elijah’s ankle, his thumb rubbing small circles around the protruding bone, and Elijah’s eyes were back. He went on in a small, nervous voice. “I have nothing now but I can cope with that because, I guess… I’ve never known anything else. But if I have you, treating me like I’m whole, like I matter and then you go….” The implication hung heavy in the air.
Orli leaned over and kissed the top of Elijah’s knee. “You are a whole person and most definitely the person I want,” he smiled a soft, confident little smile. “Now it’s my job to make you believe it.”
Orli picked up the small foil packet and looked at it. “What do you want me to do with this?”
With a shaking hand Elijah took it from Orli and dropped it over the side of the bed. It hit the floor and bounced into the pile of junk that had accumulated there. As far as Orli was concerned that was where it would stay.
He leaned forward over Elijah, one hand either side of his head, and lowered himself down until his lips just brushed Elijah’s. Orli smiled and Elijah could feel it echoing through his own skin.
“I do love you, you know?” Elijah whispered, not trusting his voice for any more volume.
“I know,” Orli whispered back, adding a tiny kiss to each corner of Elijah’s mouth. “And God help me I didn’t want to, but I love you too.”
“You didn’t want to?”
Orli kissed the tip of Elijah’s nose and swiped quickly across his lips. “Because of Shane, because I didn’t understand you and thought you were trouble, because I was scared of taking a chance… because of a thousand things…” He kissed Elijah again. “But I love you and I’m glad I do.”
“And now… “ Elijah picked at the words. “I’ll try my best to be…”
Orli stopped him with a full-on, heart stopping, mouth-numbing kiss. “Don’t try to be anything. I love you as you are.”
“Oh fuck,” Elijah gave in; whatever he’d been holding in reserve was gone now. No little bit kept back for self-preservation, no small part hidden. If he was going to lose himself over this, he might as well do it completely. At least if he broke into a million pieces there would be no way back.
Elijah reached up and locked his hand behind Orli’s neck, trying to pull him down. For a moment Orli held firm and Elijah couldn’t see why.
A sly grin crossed Orli’s face as his hand went out for the lube. The practiced ease with which he flipped the lid and squirted some out one handed left Elijah in no doubt that Orli was not the virginal monogamist he sometimes seemed to be. “Ready?” Orli asked, holding up coated, shinning fingers and Elijah fought hard to stop himself coming right there and then.
This mixture of frenzied need and complete defencelessness was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Scared didn’t even begin to cover it.
When Elijah pulled this time Orli bent his head down just enough for a long, unhurried kiss. He stayed high on hands and knees until Elijah began to arch up, trying to find more contact, then he dropped his hips down, pushing into Elijah.
With a mind freezing slowness they ground themselves into each other, hard cock grinding and sliding over equally hard cock, the acute ache of dry friction giving way to pre-cum slipperiness. Elijah’s hand dug rhythmic patterns into the hard tendons along Orli’s neck and down his spine, digging into flesh, pulling him closer, marking him as taken.
As Orli slipped a hand down in between them Elijah pulled his knees up and further out of the way. Orli’s tongue lapped at Elijah’s lips in the same rhythm and with the pattern as his fingers trailed over his opening. As the kiss got harder the fingers pushed more urgently, when his tongue was tracing over the roof of Elijah’s mouth, pushing towards the back, his fingers slipped inside.
Elijah hissed out a groan but it was caught in Orli’s mouth. He held a breath for a moment then pushed up, his tongue fighting back as a hand snaked down to the soft curve of Orli’s arse, pinching at the flesh.
Orli let his fingers slip deeper, rubbing with knowing intent as he twisted and probed. He felt the shudder of acceptance around his fingers before the sensation spiralled up Elijah’s spine. He reached further, his pleased smile unnoticed as Elijah arched further up into the kiss.
Three fingers pushed deep, stretching and opening and the flesh around them had no choice but to yield. Using a knee to take some of his weight, Orli angled his back and deliberately stroked his hip bone over Elijah’s cock. The resulting inarticulate groan was all that he could have wished for.
Fingers, tongue and hips worked until Elijah was arching and panting under him, tiny drops of sweat running over flushed skin. Could there be anything more than this?
As he dropped his hips, his cock rubbing up and over, his free hand cupping under the curve of Elijah’s arse to lift him just a little more, Orli knew there was nothing more.
“Please Orlando,” Elijah panted. “Please, do it now.” He’d acted this begging desperation before, but never dreamed of feeling it. A palpable current running up his spine.
Orli slid his knees under himself, sitting back, fingers still reaching deep inside. “You sure? You don’t want me to just….” He pushed and twisted maliciously, grinning as Elijah sucked in a huge breath and held totally still. For a moment Elijah could do nothing but ride the shock wave of stimulus so fierce it was almost painful. Almost; almost but not quite.
The shudder passed and he pulled his legs impossibly wider, tipping his hips forward. “Now you bastard,” he hissed. “Do it now.”
Elijah slipped a hand under his knee pulling it back to his chest. As he did so Orli’s fingers slid deliberately, grazing across too sensitive flesh. Elijah couldn’t help but buck as he bit at a swollen lip.
“Sure?” Orli asked again, smiling. He leant forward and flicked his tongue over the tip of Elijah’s cock.
“Do it!” Elijah howled, twisting his head so his breath puffed at his raised knee. “You don’t have to make all this effort with me. I can take anything you can give.”
Orli stilled his fingers but didn’t remove them. “’Lijah you say one more dumb arsed thing like that,” he looked up, eyes full of need but also something else. Anger? Compassion? Empathy? “And I will keep you dangling on the edge till you are crying and begging me to finish you.”
Elijah stared up at the ceiling, desperately trying to catch his breath. He had no doubt Orli could do it. No one had ever taken this time and effort over him and Elijah had never wanted anything so much in all his life. All new feelings; so different, so intense as to be nearly painful. And he hadn’t even know how much he’d been longing for them. “Please,” he said softly. “I want you to.”
“That’s better,” Orli said angling himself over Elijah. He looked down at the flushed face and heaving chest below him and smiled before dropping a soft kiss on Elijah’s lips.
“I love you,” he whispered. “And now I’m gonna fuck you.” Elijah said nothing; holding Orli’s eyes for a moment, praying to god the other man knew how he felt.
He did.
Twisting around just a little Orli aligned his cock flush with the fingers still deep inside Elijah and then slowly, oh so slowly, pushed along the hollow they formed. He felt it as the tip of his cock slipped in and his fingers drew out – a sweet tightening, a glorious knowledge that he had found a new home – and couldn’t help the loud, long groan escaping his lips.
Elijah stuttered out a breath of pleasure in reply.
Orli thought about pushing, thrusting so damned hard that… but just about managed to hold himself enough to gently ease his way further in; soft, flickering movements as he kissed and licked at what ever part of Elijah’s skin he could reach.
Elijah mewled, a soft flutter of sound unlike anything Orli had heard him make before, and he prayed to every god he could think of that it was in pleasure.
He felt a wriggling underneath him and realised that somehow Elijah had managed to pull his knees further back, further apart, opening himself wider as… Orli’s cock slipped in a little more. He held himself completely still for a moment, and risked a glance down, questioning.
Big eyes looked up at him; big and round, almost pleading. Orli could see Elijah’s lips moving but couldn’t catch the words. He leaned a little closer.
“Please,” Elijah whispered, twisting his head, trying to hide from a type of nakedness he’d never known before, the words coming from a long dormant part of his mind. “Please, love me.”
Orli felt the last semblance of his control go; control over what he was doing, what he was feeling, over his life. He pressed slowly but methodically, the rest of the way into Elijah’s body on a long, long, long moan that echoed round the dimly lit room. His hand tightened around Elijah’s cock, determined to seize every part of the other man. This was what he wanted, this feeling of complete rightness as he moved again and again inside the tight body below him.
Nothing had felt like this since… No, he wouldn’t do that. This was about Elijah; he wasn’t going to think about the past. Now was all about the perfect present and the possibilities of the future. Now was about life, not death.
Teeth gritted he held on for as long as he could, fingers squeezing an exquisite rhythm, determined to hold on till Elijah came. It was hard, so damned hard. Hard to hold on, hard to keep up the pressure, hard not to push so fiercely they were both screaming, hard to remember anything other than the pleasure. He flicked his wrist, hand tightening in a way that made Elijah grab hold of a breath and… and come with an almost pathetic whimper.
When Orli felt the splatter of warm come on his hand and the body below him go limp with a stuttered breath he heaved out a groan and… fucked Elijah with every atom of love and passion he possessed. With an unexpected suddenness he came; he came with a tightening in his chest far stronger than anything he felt in his groin.
Home.
A feeling he had given up hope of. A feeling he never expected to have again and had mourned for. A feeling that he thanked Shane for.
He pulled out gently and flopped down onto his side, pulling Elijah onto him. For a second Elijah pushed into the contact, his hands pinching fast at the skin on Orli’s back and shoulders, he hugged Orli in a punishing embrace, clinging on for dear life, rubbing his face into the crook of Orli’s neck. And then he was gone.
Elijah pulled away, turning his back on Orli to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands going up to scrub at his face. But not quick enough to prevent Orli seeing a few quick tears drip from dark eyelashes onto a pale cheek.
“Oh fuck Elijah, I’m sorry,” Orli reached across the bed, but Elijah was off before he had a chance to touch him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I tried to go slow but I… Christ I’m so sorry.” Reality hit hard.
Elijah mumbled something incoherent as he hunted in the pile of clothes on the chair for something to wipe his face on.
Orli couldn’t believe this; everything had been so good, so… right. There really was no other word for it, and now it was falling apart and it was all his fault. He’d managed to muck up the only good thing that had happened to him since Shane had died and...
He tried again, crawling across the bed to plead to Elijah’s back. “You have to believe me, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ll never do it again, I’m really, really sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry,” Elijah wiped his face on his t-shirt and then threw it on the floor. “It’s not your fault.”
“Of course it’s my fault,” Orli sat back on his heels. “I hurt you and I promised myself I’d never do that. I lied and…”
“You didn’t lie and you didn’t hurt me,”
“I…” Orli fought for the right words. “I know it wasn’t the greatest sex ever but it’s early days… we’re still learning about each other, it’ll get better and… I won’t hurt you again. I promise.”
“Shut up! You didn’t hurt me,” Elijah shouted high and shrill. He turned round, his face smudged with dirty tear stains but his eyes blazing. “Everybody else did but you didn’t.”
“I don’t understand…” And Orli truly didn’t.
“You don’t understand? Well neither did I,” the hurt, little boy was gone. In his place stood a very angry man. “I thought I knew everything, me – the great sex expert. I knew everything there was to know about it, which was just as well because it was the only thing I knew about. Only…” he stared past Orli, at the bed, for a long moment.
“Only I didn’t know it could be like that,” he looked at Orli, some sort of a mockery of a smile on his face. “Fucking hilarious, isn’t it? I didn’t even know what I was missing… didn’t know it existed, and I’m meant to be the great expert.”
“I…” Orli didn’t know what to say; frighteningly conscious that saying the wrong thing could make Elijah even angrier. But not understanding what the right thing was. “But… you’ve done that before?”
“Done what?” Elijah was spitting fire now and Orli didn’t know if it was at him. “Had a cock shoved up my arse? Course I’ve done that. I’ve had a cock shoved up my arse and enjoyed it but I’ve never had the rest… didn’t even know about it.”
He turned away from Orli in angry frustration, but Orli wasn’t having that. “Elijah,” he grabbed Elijah’s arm and swung him back round. “I don’t understand, tell me what you didn’t know.”
Elijah shook his arm free. “I thought sex was all about what happened in your cock and your arse, about one person going hard and fast after what they wanted and, if you were really lucky, the other one getting something out of it as well.”
His voice started to crack and he looked away from Orli. “I didn’t know it was about what happened in here and here as well,” he tapped a hard finger on his chest, near his heart, and his head. “No one ever let on that how it felt here was even better… that it’s all about who you’re with not just what you’re doing. I didn’t know that you could both enjoy it as much as…”
His face clouded with a dawning uncertainty. “Oh fuck Orli, you did….?”
“Did I what? Enjoy it?” Orli reached for Elijah’s hand again and this time he wasn’t brushed away. “Jesus did I ever enjoy it,” he ran his hand down, linking their fingers together. “That’s what I’ve been trying to find for so long, that extra fire inside when it’s with someone you care about. Not just another fuck.”
“I didn’t know it existed,” Elijah’s voice wavered and Orli pretended he didn’t see the sparkle of tears at the corners of his eyes.
“Well you do now!” Orli tried to pull Elijah towards him but the resistance was still too strong. “I’ve been searching for that for so long and you didn’t know it existed. Now you know it’ll be here whenever you want it, just like I will be.”
Suddenly, instead of pulling back, Elijah threw himself at Orli, pushing until they were both lying on the bed, Elijah’s face once more buried in the crook of Orli’s neck. He grabbed at Orli’s arm trying frantically to wrap it around himself, until Orli cottoned on and hugged him close.
Orli could feel tiny little shudders running through Elijah’s body as he burrowed in deeper, trying to twist and wriggle his legs so that Orli was almost surrounding him. Elijah mumbled something against Orli’s skin. “What?” Orli asked but Elijah wouldn’t lift his head, mumbling again.
“Tell me,” Orli said quietly as he hooked his leg further over Elijah’s hip.
Elijah twisted his head slightly, not looking up, only moving his mouth away from skin. “Tighter,” he whispered. “Hold me tighter.”
Orli was only too happy to oblige. With one hand he stroked along Elijah’s spine until, slowly, the trembling stopped. But still he didn’t release the tightness of his hold.
“Do you know,” Orli said gently. “After Shane died all I wanted was a quiet life, even after he’d been gone a while and I realised I was looking for something more, I still wanted safe and cautious. Then you exploded into my world and…” he smiled, kissing the top of Elijah’s head. “Thank god you’re here. We might be a right pair of emotional cripples but it’s never going to be boring and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
Elijah looked up, propping his chin on Orli’s chest. “You won’t let me go, will you?”
Orli shook his head. “Not a chance.”
“Even if I’m really difficult and cock things up?”
“Makes no difference. I’m stuck with you and… you’re good for me. You stop me living in the past.”
“Sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good ‘cos I’m never gonna let you get away.” Elijah laid his head back down and traced a firm finger along Orli’s arm. “And don’t think it’s all one sided, it’s never going to be easy with you either. You’re always making me think, making me…feel. I’m not sure if I’m gonna like that.” He looked up through thick lashes, his ironic smile tight but sure.
“Course you will,” Orli smiled back. “Anyway, it’s good for you. Like eating your greens, you might not like the taste but you know it’s healthy and does you good. I’m going to keep you healthy, even if it kills us both.”
“Oh god, if only I known how hard you’d push for what’s good for me before I made my wish,” Elijah laughed softly, snuggling in tighter.
“Erh?” Orli raised an eyebrow. “What wish?”
“My birthday wish, when I blew out the candles on my cake. It proves birthday wishes really do come true.”
Orli stroked a hand through Elijah’s hair, down over an ear to the curve of his jaw. He lifted it gently so he could look into Elijah’s eyes. “What did you wish for?”
“You,” Elijah said, his face serious. Then he broke into an enormous smile. “But that was before I knew how scary you are.”
“Idiot,” Orli said flippantly, catching Elijah in a huge bear hug.
They lay quiet for a long while, never moving any further apart, never letting their fingers idle, Orli’s mind whirling away, almost against his will. A question niggled at his mind and he couldn’t let it go. “I asked you once before if you were gay or bi.” He trailed his fingers through Elijah’s hair, lifting a few strands to his face to sniff then letting them drop back down. “Which is it?”
Elijah went still. “Does it matter?”
Orli thought about that; thought about it long and hard. “Yeah, I think it does,” he said softly. “Not for any big sex reason, just because I want to know about you and that’s part of who you are.”
Elijah rolled over onto his back and let out a long breath. Not a sigh exactly, more an acceptance that it was time to deal with this. “I said before that I didn’t know and I wasn’t lying, I really don’t. I always just… slept with whoever I had to.”
“But you must know who you want,” Orli reasoned.
“Why must I? How am I supposed to tell?”
“I don’t know, who did you want? Not just for what they could do for you but who did you fancy?”
Elijah was silent for a long moment. “I guess if you follow that criteria I’m…Oh fuck it, just forget it.” He tucked himself back in against Orli’s side, his hand reaching over to drape against a rounded pink nipple.
“No, tell me please,” Orli said, easing Elijah onto his back and leaning over him so he could see his face. “I want to know you. Are you gay or bi?”
Elijah looked at him, eyes wider and rounder than Orli had ever seen them before. He hesitated a second and Orli saw him make a silent decision. “I’ve never slept with anyone just because I wanted them.”
“Never?” Orli said disbelieving.
Elijah shook his head. “You’re the first.”
“I’m your first,” Orli rolled the words around his tongue, testing them out. Partly appalled, partly amazed but mostly honoured.
“I’ve had loads of sex but…” Elijah actually began to blush. The colour just touching the top of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “You’re the first person I’ve wanted, the first person I’ve… made love with.” The last words were said so quietly Orli only just heard then, but hear them he did.
“Oh god Elijah,” Orli reached a hand out brushing the hair back from Elijah’s face, tracing the curve of his eyebrow, resting a thumb on the soft skin.
Elijah stared at him, eyes unguarded and trusting. “As for labels well, I don’t think it would matter if you were a man or a woman. I just want you. So I guess I’m not gay or bi, I’m yours. I’m Orli’s.”
Orli curved forward and gently kissed Elijah’s forehead. “And now I’m yours.”
He pulled the covers up off the floor, tucked Elijah into his side, wrapped them both up tight and reached to switch off the lamp. In the darkness Orli felt Elijah’s head tip back slightly. “You want me to stay with you tonight?” Elijah asked.
“No,” Orli sighed. “I want you to stay with me forever.”
It wasn’t going to be easy but by God, Orli knew it was going to be worth it.
+
Orli woke first the next morning, as he fought to open his eyes he was conscious of the silly little smile on his lips and that everything had changed. His hand stroked over Elijah’s hip and he was rewarded when a leg was lifted higher across his thighs. He smiled, an idiotic, self-satisfied smile as he felt Elijah’s breath puff against his chest.
He lay there and thought about the chaotic, roller-coaster of events and emotions from the previous night. After one night everything was different. Now life had a purpose, now he had a reason to get up in the morning… Fuck! He really did have a reason to get up: work.
He slipped out of bed, gently untangling Elijah, trying not to wake him, but it was no good, they’d been too tightly tied. “Where’ you going?” Elijah asked half opening a sleepy eye and pushing the duvet down to release a cloud of warmth and Elijah’s smell.
“I have to go to work,” Orli looked as Elijah stretched, arms twisting above his head, spine arching, hips lifting, cock… Oh god. Cock hard and weeping. “Maybe I don’t have to go just yet… but I do need to pee.” He dropped a kiss on Elijah’s lips, only just managing to pull himself away from their soft, warm promise to head for the bathroom.
As Orli came back into the bedroom Elijah uncurled to lay across the bed, duvet pushed out of sight. His hand lazily stroked at his cock, the contrast of the dark flush and the pale skin of his fingers making Orli’s breath hitch.
Even with his hand moving like that he looked… his face looked… innocent, defenceless, vulnerable. Orli would make it his life’s work to protect him.
“Orli, I know you have to go to work, can’t have both of us lazing around all day, but…” Elijah’s voice was dark and full of longing. “Can’t we do it again before you go?”
Orli’s cock dripped a pearl of pre-cum.
“What do you want?” Orli could hear the need in his own voice.
“Oh no, don’t start that again,” Elijah laughed as his hand pulled a little harder. “We can do what you want as well.”
“I want… I have absolutely no idea what I want to do,” Orli laughed with him, knowing he damned well meant it. He might not know what he wanted but he knew he wanted to do lots of it.
“Okay,” Elijah’s eyes lit up. “I’ll fuck you while you think about it and then you can fuck me. Only do it harder this time,” he licked at impossibly perfect lips. “I want to feel you inside me till you get home tonight. And…” he cocked a dark eyebrow. “Do you think you’ll be able to get it up again after that? I wanna suck you as well and then of course there’s always my wanking fantasy of you wet and naked.”
Vulnerable?
Orli conceded that maybe one of them was in need of a little protection but he wasn’t entirely certain it was Elijah.
+
When Orli got home that night it was to the smell of spices cooking. Nice. Elijah didn’t do full-on cooking very often but when he did he was good. The aroma reached him as he opened the door, long before he got a glimpse of Elijah. But then… there he was standing in the wreckage of the kitchen, hair mussed up, a smear of something spicy on his cheek, a look of longing in his eye along with a hint of uncertainty.
“Missed you,” Orli said. All the way home on the bus he’d been trying to think of something witty or clever to say when he got in. That wasn’t what he’d intended, but Elijah’s face lit up.
“Can’t think why, you’ve rung me at least half a dozen times,” Elijah replied and indeed Orli had, stupid, pointless phone calls when they’d talked about who’s turn it was to clean the toilet and whether they needed any more milk. At the end of each call they’d been laughing about nothing and neither of them had wanted to be the first to hang up.
“You rang me as well,” Orli pointed out. “I hardly got anything done.”
“Sorry,” but Elijah didn’t look it. He waved a hand in the vague direction of the oven. “Dinners on, it’ll be a couple of hours.”
Orli felt a lump swell up in his throat. He wanted all this so much… “I guess that gives us time to…” his mouth went dry.
“Go to bed,” Elijah whispered for him.
At first it was fast and furious, desperate passion needing to be quenched, hard and punishing, as too many hours apart took their toll. First time they didn’t even make it to the bed, fingers marking flesh as they pushed up against the door frame, guttural, ragged breaths, moans of, ‘harder,’ ‘more,’ ‘need you,’ strangled, off-pitch cries of each others names as body crushed against body, biting and claiming.
Collapsing to the floor, Elijah held Orli’s head in a grip so tight the red marks would show for days as he pushed himself into the only too willing mouth. Tongue first, then fingers, followed by his cock. Neck stretched taut as Elijah threw his head back and howled at the ceiling as he came. Never had he felt this, never had he even glimpsed it could be like this; not for him. Feelings like this weren’t for the likes of him; this yearning, hysterical need to… possess Orli.
Then it turned slow and exploring. Orli having to hold Elijah down so he could memorise every millimetre of skin, every rounded curve, every long muscle, every plane of open body with fingertips, tongue and mouth, before sucking and thrusting them both back to fever pitch again.
Everything he wanted and all he needed.
At one point Orli had looked up at the photograph of Shane and... Should he feel guilty?
But then he was sure Shane had looked back down and smiled, not so fanciful, they always did have that element of knowing how the other felt. This was just another example and… Shane would know.
Perfect.
Everything was perfect.
+
They sat in the bath, the oven turned off, dinner forgotten for the moment. Orli was glad he hadn’t thrown away the candles his sister had given him at Christmas. He’d felt stupid when he got them out, shyly showing them to Elijah who had dutifully laughed but then helped to stand them around the bathroom and light them.
Now Orli lay back, his head resting against the wall, Elijah leaning on his chest. Elijah’s head seemed to have found its own natural position, snuggled in against Orli’s neck. Orli reached round and let a handful of water trickle over Elijah’s nipple, watching as it formed streams and rivers down the soft skin.
“Come to my mum and dad’s for dinner on Sunday?” he asked out of nowhere.
“Nah,” Elijah didn’t open his eyes as his hands skimmed patterns over Orli’s knees where they pressed tightly into his sides. “We’ve been over this before, I’m not really welcome.”
“But it’s different now, we’re different,” Orli almost laughed at himself. “I want to show you off. We can start with my folks and then meet some of the others for a drink next week.”
“Do we have to?” Elijah squirmed gently. “Can’t we just stay here forever, the two of us? I don’t know if I’m ready for people yet, not if I have to… be careful.”
Orli pushed gently at Elijah’s shoulder and hugged him. “You’ll be all right, we’ll take it slow.”
Elijah made a blurry sound of disagreement.
“I’ll be there and only a few people to begin with. Parents first and then Rose and a couple of the others.”
“I somehow don’t think you’re parents will be impressed.”
“Well they should be, you’re beautiful.”
“You know, I can’t get over the fact you really mean that,” Elijah turned his head, kissing Orli’s neck. “Not just that I’m fuckable but that I’m actually beautiful.”
“You are. Fuckable and beautiful,” he dripped more water around Elijah’s chest, rubbing it in with his thumbs. “And my parents should get a chance to see it.”
“You’re beautiful too. The most beautiful…” Elijah didn’t finish the sentence, changing the subject again. “But you shouldn’t push things with your parents. It could be… difficult.”
“Why?” Orli asked gently. “Why could it be difficult?”
“Oh I don’t know,” Elijah wrinkled up his nose and shrugged. “It just might.”
“’Lijah, let’s have a deal, right here, at the beginning of us. No lies and no secrets. Each of us has so much…” Orli searched for the right word. “So much baggage that things could go wrong if we don’t talk to each other. I don’t want that, so talk. Deal?”
Elijah twisted his head round, looking up at Orli’s serious face. “Yeah, I guess so. Deal.”
“So?”
Elijah settled back against Orli’s chest, his hands taking up their familiar position brushing at Orli’s knees. “It’s just… you’re parents have met me before. They already have opinions about me. I bet your mum said something to you, tried to warn you off?”
Orli hesitated.
Elijah pushed. “Come on, you said no secrets remember. I bet she said something.”
“Maybe.”
Elijah smiled, but it held no warmth. “Told you so.”
“Well she was wrong, she has to get to know the real you and dad…” Elijah suddenly felt Orli go tense and he knew he’d made a connection. Elijah’s heart sank just a little.
“My dad hit on you, didn’t he?” Orli asked, his voice flat.
Elijah tried to work out what to say.
“No secrets,” Orli said. “Tell me.”
“He didn’t really hit on me...” Elijah hedged but kept to the truth. “Maybe he thought about the idea, just a little.”
Orli sucked in a huge breath, letting it out slowly through his nose. “And mum knows?”
“Not really, not officially. But she saw the way he looked at me, heard a couple of things he said.”
Orli went silent, thinking. “Did he fuck you?” he asked suddenly.
“No. It never came to anything.”
“But he would have? If you’d have let him. If he’d had anything you wanted.”
“I honestly don’t know. I think I made him wonder and he got a bit… fascinated as well as appalled by the idea,” Elijah shrugged, feeling he’d somehow let Orli down.
“Shit,” Orli hugged Elijah again, a tight possessive hug as he kissed the dark hair. “All the more reason for you to come Sunday, show them we’re together now.”
“They’re not gonna like it,” Elijah said again.
“Tough. Anyway, they’ll get used to it. They’ll have to.”
“You’re quite ruthless on the quiet, aren’t you?” Elijah said, sinking further back onto Orli. “I didn’t realise it at first but you’re good at making people come round to your way of thinking.”
“Yep, I just batter them down till they see my logic,” he smiled for the first time in a while and ran his hands over Elijah’s chest, down to his belly button. “It worked with Shane, it’ll work with you.”
“What do you mean, ‘it worked with Shane?’ Didn’t they like him?”
“Not at first. They wouldn’t have liked anyone at first; they didn’t approve of my being gay,” he twisted a leg round over Elijah’s, easing a tensing thigh, claiming a little more possession. “They hoped it was just a phase but Shane won them round, so will you. Now even my mum admits I have impeccable taste and I’m usually right.”
“I think it might be just a bit harder for me,” Elijah half laughed. “What with my history.”
“You’ll do it,” Orli said confidently. “I have faith in you and if not, fuck ‘em. They either accept me and who I want or they don’t. So, you coming Sunday?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Only if you really, really need it.”
“I’ll come but… remind me not to cross you,” Elijah smiled, feeling very safe, very protected.
“I’ll remind you about that next time we’re arguing over what to watch on telly,” Orli said, leaning forward awkwardly to add more hot water.
They settled back again as the steam rose. When the water reached too high Elijah twisted the tap off with his foot, unwilling to sit up. The atmosphere was warm and peaceful and their thoughts drifted for a while.
“I’m always going to be second to Shane, aren’t I?” Elijah suddenly asked.
Orli thought about it, not dismissing it quickly as he could have, but knowing Elijah deserved the truth. “Depends what you mean by second,” he twisted so he could look at Elijah. “Shane will always be the first person I fell in love with, the first to make me realise who I was and what I wanted.”
“What do you mean?”
Orli chewed his lip as he considered how to explain his feelings. “It was Shane that made me realise I didn’t want a whole string of one night stands, that I wanted someone to love and…” he laughed at himself. “Fuck, I sound like a girl, but that I wanted commitment and someone I know will be there when I get home. Shane gave me all that and more and I will always love him for it but…”
“But what?”
“I don’t know… I love him but…” Still Orli couldn’t say it.
“But he’s dead?” Elijah suggested quietly.
“Yeah, he’s gone and,” Orli smiled ironically. “You’re more than enough of a handful.”
“But not enough to forget about him, surely?” Elijah sounded disapproving.
“God no, I’ll never forget Shane, I’ll always love him and he’ll always be… special.”
“That’s as it should be.” Elijah smiled and settled back, happy now that was sorted. He really didn’t want Orli to lose the memory of Shane, he wanted Orli to have everything, to be…content.
“But now I’m happy to love you,” it was Orli’s turn to smile. “Shane would have like you, he’d approve of us. You’d have liked him as well; in fact I would have had stiff competition if he were still here. But…” he kissed Elijah’s ear, a tiny little gesture more about affection than lust. “He’s gone and you’re here and it’s us now. So I guess you’re second to Shane in some things, in timing for one, but not in how much I love you.”
“I can live with that,” Elijah said resting his head back down. “That’ll do me just fine.”
And by god, he meant it.
The End.
There is going to be a second story in the Damaged universe but it won’t be for a while yet. I did warn you I was slow.
Take care now.
Details bit...
Title: Damaged
Author: Arabia
Pairing: Elijah/Orli
Rating N17
Disclaimer: Total fiction
Notes: An AU set in modern day South London. It's a bit angsty but there's nothing really nasty in it.
Part Eight
When Orli returned, face shiny from cool water quickly splashed on it, Elijah was lying on his back again, smiling up. Orli stood in the doorway for a moment and just looked. Elijah was beautiful, no doubt about that, but he was also going to be bloody hard work. So many attitudes and ingrained reactions to change, so many opinions about himself.
Orli suspected he was going to get hurt along the way, unintentionally maybe, but it would happen more than once. And he was absolutely sure it would be worth it. He’d feel whole again… part of something. This was what he wanted, Elijah was who he wanted.
Now all he had to do was convince the little bugger.
“I’ve bought a flannel and a towel,” Orli waved them in the air, moving menacingly towards Elijah. “Let’s get you clean again. You don’t want to stay covered in my cum.”
“I don’t mind.”
“But you’ll stink,” Orli smiled.
“Orlando,” Elijah looked up at him, eyes big and serious. “I really don’t mind being covered in anything of yours.”
“I know the feeling,” Orli looked back. “But let me do this for you, I want to do things for you.”
They were both silent for a moment and then Elijah took a deep breath and looked at the flannel, eyeing it suspiciously. “Is it cold?”
“Nah, I got it out of the fridge ages ago,” Orli climbed onto the edge of the bed and wiped the flannel carefully down from Elijah’s nipple. It was warm and soft and Elijah sighed back into the bed. The sensation was so soothing, so tender, that he almost felt like he was floating.
Orli ran the cloth down over Elijah’s belly, wiping away the dried splotches of silvery cum. He lifted off and started another pass, in from Elijah’s hip. As Orli got closer to Elijah’s groin a hand suddenly shot out covering the flattened side of his scrotum. “Don’t Orli, don’t get too close to it,” Elijah said in a small voice.
“Why? I’ve already seen it remember.”
“But that was different. That was before it mattered.”
“Idiot,” Orli smiled, his voice full of such warm affection that Elijah’s breath hitched in his chest. He lifted Elijah’s hand away and bent down to plant an open mouthed kiss on the warm, gently wrinkled skin. “I think it’s beautiful, just like I think you’re beautiful.
“And Shane said you had taste?” Elijah tried to joke off the tightness he felt at the back of his throat.
“Yeah,” Orli kissed again. “And he was right. I have impeccable taste.”
He let the soft cloth glide over Elijah’s skin, dropping little kisses over each patch he washed, air on the dampened flesh making it tremble in anticipation. Down from a rounded shoulder, over a pebbled nipple, across a quivering belly, up from a lean, softly muscled thigh. All paths seemed to lead to the heat in Elijah’s groin.
Orli dropped the cloth on the floor and let his hand brush up against the hairs on Elijah’s inner thigh, his open mouth trailing kisses after it till he reached the crease where thigh met body. Gently, carefully he licked along the scar, feeling the raised ridges at its edges.
Elijah mumbles something incoherent as the sensation ricocheted along the damaged skin. Orli glanced up, his mouth still in place. Elijah’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut, his head angled back, a creeping red stain growing across the pale skin of his neck and chest.
Pushing Elijah’s legs apart, Orli slipped in between, his mouth barely leaving flesh. As he settled he let his lips travel down to Elijah’s scrotum and sucked the solid round side into his mouth. Elijah’s breath hitched, his back arched and his hands fisted in the sheet as Orli explored the shape and feel of testicle hidden inside. He constricted the ring of his lips, curving his tongue to push and roll it, tracing the tightening ridges of skin. Such a gorgeous sensation, such a pleasure in his mouth.
When Orli felt the flesh in his mouth tense even more and a shudder run the length of Elijah’s body he eased back, allowing the ball to slip from his mouth. Elijah’s reprise didn’t last long as Orli moved his attention to the other side, drawing the empty flesh up into his mouth.
Elijah made an odd sound at the back of his throat, trying to twist his hips away. Orli simply held on tighter.
Same taste, same smell, a different feel, but no less wonderful. With a deliberate tongue he lapped at it, holding it tight within his lips, as he tested Elijah’s reaction.
Maybe not quite as intense as the other side but still a shudder, still an appreciable arching of his back as his heels pushed down into the bed.
Orli lifted his head a little and deliberately let Elijah’s cock bump against his cheek. The reaction was just what he’d hoped for. Elijah shifted his hips, pushing up and in towards Orli’s face. An unconscious, instinctive reaction that made Orli’s heart swell.
He licked a broad, hard stroke with the flat of his tongue up the full length of the darkly flushed cock and Elijah shuddered. Orli tried the action again and was rewarded with a low, dark, “Oh,” as well as the shudder. Lifting up he slicked his lips around the tip of Elijah’s cock, tightening a ring just below the head, using the back of his tongue to rub across the top and ghost into the slit.
Elijah thrust up hard into the too shallow hollow of Orli’s mouth, trying frantically to push his way further in. Orli held fast, not moving his lips any lower down. He rubbed again, deep into the slit, savouring the taste. Elijah bucked up.
“Orli… please…”
“Please what?” Orli asked, his chin rubbing at Elijah’s cock, the chafing causing tiny explosions of liquid fire. “What do you want?”
“I…” only Elijah wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted. “I need to come.”
“You need to come…” Orli let the words roll around his mouth as his tongue licked tiny trails across the tip of Elijah’s cock; tiny, maddeningly slow, nowhere near hard enough trails that made Elijah’s back arch and his cock swell further still.
“Please,” Elijah gulped, desperate not to beg too much, not yet.
“And how do you want me to make you come?” He watched as a tiny droplet of sweat collected in the hollow of Elijah’s throat.
“I don’t care, just… ” Still Elijah didn’t know, but it was becoming too much to wait any longer. He wanted it now; he wanted it all.
“What do you want me to do?” Orli lapped at the tip, his tongue scraping and nuzzling.
“Don’t care,” Elijah pushed his hips up harder. “Do anything you like, only do it now.”
Abruptly Orli sat back on his heels. “Can’t do that. I can only do what you want.”
“Huh?” Elijah wriggled around, trying to find any comfort he could for the ache in his cock.
“This isn’t about me, Elijah. It’s about you. What do you want?”
“What do you mean, it’s not about you?” Elijah tried to pull Orli back down, determined to move things on anyway he could. “Course it’s about you. There are two of us in this bed, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Orli smiled, but then went on, deadly serious. “But right now what I want is to do is something for you. I want to do whatever you want.”
“There’re too many bloody ‘wants’ in this conversation for me,” Elijah said pushing himself up onto his elbows. “I know I’ll like whatever you do, so you decide.”
“Can’t,” Orli folded his arms. “It has to be what you want.”
“But it doesn’t work like that with me!”
“Does now,” Orli said, his evil grin ridged with determination. “With you sex has always been about the other person. This time it’s gonna be all about you and your desires. So, what do you want?”
Elijah stared at Orli for a long moment, eyes bright with hope, realisation hitting home. He took a deep breath and then his lustful, cheeky grin was back in place. “I just need to come. Can’t we get on with the fucking?”
“You want to fuck or do you want me to blow you?” Orli asked.
“Oh god,” Elijah shook his head in mock disbelief. “Just get on with it,” he grabbed at Orli’s hand, pushing it down onto his groin.
“You want a wank?” Orli pulled his hand away. “You’ve already had one of those, I thought you’d want something different this time.”
“I do!” Elijah’s cry was almost shrill. “But I need… something, anything, now.”
“So…” Orli smiled, his voice annoyingly calm and controlled. “What’s it to be, a fuck or a blow job?”
Elijah stopped, his eyes flicking from Orli’s mouth to his cock, never having had to make this decision before.
“Blow me,” he said lying back down. But before his head had hit the pillow he was back up again. “No, I want to fuck. We can do a mutual blow later… but not too much later… it’s too complicated to arrange now… I gotta come before I explode.”
“Sure?”
“For Christ sake, shut up and get on with it!” The anger in his voice was tinged with a delighted humour. But only just.
“Impatient bastard,” Orli said leaning in for a kiss. It was slow, hard and very wet. When Orli finally managed to push Elijah away his lips were tingling from the pressure. “You wanna top or bottom?”
“Orli!” Elijah grabbed at Orli’s hair, holding him in place. “I don’t care, just do something.”
“Uh ah, I can’t. You still don’t understand, do you? It all has to be what you want,” he licked around Elijah’s lips, tracing over the tongue that peeked out. “I’m quite happy to do either.”
“I don’t see why it all has to be about me.”
“Trust me on this one,” Orli licked again. “If you wanna get off it has to be like this.”
Elijah’s hips pushed up, his cock slip sliding over Orli’s hipbone. He gave in and made a decision. “Top,” Orli started to pull away and turn over. “No, I mean you top. I can’t think straight enough to do the work.”
“Okay,” Orli sat back again. “What position do you want?”
Elijah grabbed at the pillow under his head, pulling it over his mouth and screamed long and loud into it. When he finally lifted it off his eyes were blazing. “If you ask me to make one more decision I swear I’ll kick your bloody head in.” He opened his legs wider, pulling his knees up high. “Now, do it now.”
“All right. But one last thing and you have to promise on this or we go no further.” At that moment, under the haze of anticipation, Elijah could see that Orli was totally serious. “If I do anything you don’t like or that reminds you of… some other time, you have to tell me. No staying quiet.”
Elijah held his breath for a second. Never had he ever felt so safe and so loved. “Promise,” he nodded.
“Good,” Orli arched over and licked up from Elijah’s ankle to his knee. “Now you lie back and think of England or wherever.”
He licked intricate patterns on Elijah’s knee before moving on down his thigh, his hand tracing a similar path along the other leg. Elijah’s breath caught in his chest, his eyes squeezing shut.
Orli slid onto his belly, his hands coming to rest in the creases between Elijah’s legs and body. He wanted this. He wanted it so badly. He wanted to pull himself up and shove his cock in so hard, so deep… and pound, pound, pound away until the throbbing in his cock and the ache in his chest exploded freeing him and letting him breathe again.
But he also wanted to do this right.
And he wanted to do that more.
He rubbed his nose into the base of Elijah’s cock, his mouth trailing open-mouthed kisses on the sac hanging beneath. He let his tongue slide out, playing with the flesh, lifting, caressing, touching with a firmness just enough to torment.
Sliding a hand under Elijah’s knee he lifted it, pressing it back. Elijah’s breath faltered, tiny strangled puffs of sound hardly enough to do the job of getting oxygen into his lungs. Orli explored lower, under the sac, over flesh that quivered and tensed as he probed, into the shadowy space below.
“You don’t have to do that,” Elijah’s voice stuttered, dark and breathy from above.
“I know I don’t ‘have’ to do it,” Orli blew a steady stream of air on the tense muscle. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to.”
“But…”
“You ever done it?” Orli asked.
He felt rather than saw Elijah’s nod. “Don’t see why I can’t do it then.” Orli thought for a second. “Ever had it done to you?”
“No,” Elijah whispered.
“Well then, you’re going to enjoy this,” he smiled.
“But…”
“Elijah, unless you really, really want me to stop for some weird reason you should shut up now.”
Elijah went quiet, his breath held tight in his chest, hand clamped over his mouth as he waited.
Orli bent his head again, his tongue snaking out, touching and tasting. He found the creased ring right as Elijah’s hand found his hair. Orli expected fingers that would push and pull at his scalp, directing the action and the speed. Instead they trailed through the strands in a gentle caress. He licked a firm stroke across the hole. The fingers tensed, but arched out, away from his head for a moment before they were back.
Orli licked again and again, gentle soft strokes and then harder, more demanding until the body below him was trembling, arching up in awkward angles. He curled his tongue, centring at the very middle of the wrinkled flesh, and pushed slow but steady.
Elijah gave a strange strangled cry, pulling his knees further up, pushing his hips, offering himself to Orli. The ring of muscle opened a little, taking in just the tip of Orli’s tongue, and then faltered, tightening as Orli’s tongue twisted and eased the way.
Orli pushed again, stretching and relaxing tense muscles before he lifted away. Elijah’s hands twisted in the sheet and he whimpered, a high, pathetic little sound as he lifted his hips again, pushing forward towards Orli. He didn’t want the sweet torture to stop.
“You’re tight,” Orli said, kissing the inside of Elijah’s thigh. “Have you fucked since you got out of the hospital?
“No!” Elijah cried, indignation easing his need for Orli to continue. “You know I haven’t.” He didn’t understand why it mattered so much to him that Orli could even think he had.
“Okay, so we’ll have to take it easy,” Orli lifted himself up and sat back. He ran a hand down past Elijah’s knee, massaging the tense muscle and smiled reassuringly. “I figured you hadn’t. But we need to ease the way with some…” he kissed the side of Elijah’s knee, “lovely,” a kiss to the other knee, “slippery,” a lick up a thigh, “slimy,” a flick of tongue over a single ball and along the length of a cock, “lube,” a final open-mouthed kiss to Elijah’s belly button.
Elijah half laughed, half groaned as his hand went from its death grip on the sheet to search under the pillow. It came out empty. He tried to twist round, “I can’t find it,” he said lifting the pillow up.
“In the drawer,” Orli nodded towards the side table.
“But all gay men keep their lube under the pillow,” Elijah managed a full laugh this time, a huge effort with his breath still stuttering in his chest, pink tinges of colour flushing high on his cheeks and mottling his chest.
“Not when they haven’t had sex with anyone except their hand in months.”
Elijah pulled the small tube from the drawer. “No blow up dolls?” He said, desperate to appear calm and in control as he tossed the lube at Orli and reached back in.
“Nope, too poor for them.”
Elijah flicked over a condom packet. “Might as well get everything ready while we’re at it.”
Orli stared down at the small foil packet in his hand, and then looked up at Elijah. For a long, long moment he didn’t move, he just sat, watching.
“Orlando?” Elijah’s intestines twisted and tightened under Orli’s gaze. “What’s the matter? It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind, I understand if….”
“Do I need this?” Orli interrupted, holding up the packet.
“Course you do. No one would want to fuck me without one.”
“I do,” Orli said simply.
“But…” Elijah didn’t understand.
“Why do I need it?”
“To protect yourself,” Elijah shrugged. “You know that. You have to use one.”
“What am I protecting myself from?” Orli asked.
“Me.” Elijah’s eyes were hooded, unreadable. “You have to protect yourself from me.”
Orli dropped the packet on the side of the bed near Elijah’s hip. “I know I’m clear, I haven’t done anything since I got tested, and you were tested when you were in hospital. It came back clear, didn’t it?”
Elijah nodded.
“I believe you when you said you haven’t done anything since then. So what do I need protecting from?”
“But you… can’t take chances. What if….?”
“What if what? I trust you,” Orli said.
“Shit, Orlando,” Elijah rubbed at his face, the enormity of the situation hitting him. “Just put the condom on.”
“I don’t want to. I trust you enough to believe that you won’t hurt me, no matter what. If you fuck around in the future you won’t put me in danger. You’ll either tell me or just make sure we use a condom.”
Elijah sucked in several long, harsh breaths. Things were moving in ways he hadn’t thought about, it was all so… grown up. Orli didn’t play games like everyone else. He wanted things real and open, he was honest and true.
“I won’t fuck around but…”
“Be careful what you promise,” Orli interrupted. “You say that now but it’s going to be hard to change.”
“I won’t,” Elijah’s voice was full of determination but also something else, something small and scared.
“I know you’ll try and, knowing you, I bet you succeed and I really, really want you to ‘cos… I don’t want to share you Elijah, not with anyone.”
“I’m scared,” Elijah said, and wide eyes stared up at Orli from a pale face. “You scare me.”
“For god’s sake, why?” Orli asked amazed.
“You… you want to love a whole person, a normal person and I don’t know how to be that. Everything gets so… complicated with you. Can’t we just fuck?”
“You want me to fuck you or love you?” Orli asked simply.
“Jesus Orli,” Elijah’s voice wavered, echoes of all sorts of emotion running through it. “I’ve never been so scared as I am right now.”
“Tell me, what are you frightened of?”
“I’m frightened that… that I won’t be able to live up to what you think I am and…” He ran out of words.
“And what?”
“You’ll…” It was make or break time, either Elijah trusted Orli or he couldn’t make that step. Orli sat back and waited, this was one decision Elijah had to make alone.
It wasn’t the bent and open legs or the nakedness that left Elijah exposed and vulnerable, it was his words. “I’m so scared you’ll leave when you realise I’m not the person you want, and then… I’ll have nothing.” Just for a brief moment he was unable to meet Orli’s gaze and his eyes flickered down.
Orli gently rested a hand on Elijah’s ankle, his thumb rubbing small circles around the protruding bone, and Elijah’s eyes were back. He went on in a small, nervous voice. “I have nothing now but I can cope with that because, I guess… I’ve never known anything else. But if I have you, treating me like I’m whole, like I matter and then you go….” The implication hung heavy in the air.
Orli leaned over and kissed the top of Elijah’s knee. “You are a whole person and most definitely the person I want,” he smiled a soft, confident little smile. “Now it’s my job to make you believe it.”
Orli picked up the small foil packet and looked at it. “What do you want me to do with this?”
With a shaking hand Elijah took it from Orli and dropped it over the side of the bed. It hit the floor and bounced into the pile of junk that had accumulated there. As far as Orli was concerned that was where it would stay.
He leaned forward over Elijah, one hand either side of his head, and lowered himself down until his lips just brushed Elijah’s. Orli smiled and Elijah could feel it echoing through his own skin.
“I do love you, you know?” Elijah whispered, not trusting his voice for any more volume.
“I know,” Orli whispered back, adding a tiny kiss to each corner of Elijah’s mouth. “And God help me I didn’t want to, but I love you too.”
“You didn’t want to?”
Orli kissed the tip of Elijah’s nose and swiped quickly across his lips. “Because of Shane, because I didn’t understand you and thought you were trouble, because I was scared of taking a chance… because of a thousand things…” He kissed Elijah again. “But I love you and I’m glad I do.”
“And now… “ Elijah picked at the words. “I’ll try my best to be…”
Orli stopped him with a full-on, heart stopping, mouth-numbing kiss. “Don’t try to be anything. I love you as you are.”
“Oh fuck,” Elijah gave in; whatever he’d been holding in reserve was gone now. No little bit kept back for self-preservation, no small part hidden. If he was going to lose himself over this, he might as well do it completely. At least if he broke into a million pieces there would be no way back.
Elijah reached up and locked his hand behind Orli’s neck, trying to pull him down. For a moment Orli held firm and Elijah couldn’t see why.
A sly grin crossed Orli’s face as his hand went out for the lube. The practiced ease with which he flipped the lid and squirted some out one handed left Elijah in no doubt that Orli was not the virginal monogamist he sometimes seemed to be. “Ready?” Orli asked, holding up coated, shinning fingers and Elijah fought hard to stop himself coming right there and then.
This mixture of frenzied need and complete defencelessness was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Scared didn’t even begin to cover it.
When Elijah pulled this time Orli bent his head down just enough for a long, unhurried kiss. He stayed high on hands and knees until Elijah began to arch up, trying to find more contact, then he dropped his hips down, pushing into Elijah.
With a mind freezing slowness they ground themselves into each other, hard cock grinding and sliding over equally hard cock, the acute ache of dry friction giving way to pre-cum slipperiness. Elijah’s hand dug rhythmic patterns into the hard tendons along Orli’s neck and down his spine, digging into flesh, pulling him closer, marking him as taken.
As Orli slipped a hand down in between them Elijah pulled his knees up and further out of the way. Orli’s tongue lapped at Elijah’s lips in the same rhythm and with the pattern as his fingers trailed over his opening. As the kiss got harder the fingers pushed more urgently, when his tongue was tracing over the roof of Elijah’s mouth, pushing towards the back, his fingers slipped inside.
Elijah hissed out a groan but it was caught in Orli’s mouth. He held a breath for a moment then pushed up, his tongue fighting back as a hand snaked down to the soft curve of Orli’s arse, pinching at the flesh.
Orli let his fingers slip deeper, rubbing with knowing intent as he twisted and probed. He felt the shudder of acceptance around his fingers before the sensation spiralled up Elijah’s spine. He reached further, his pleased smile unnoticed as Elijah arched further up into the kiss.
Three fingers pushed deep, stretching and opening and the flesh around them had no choice but to yield. Using a knee to take some of his weight, Orli angled his back and deliberately stroked his hip bone over Elijah’s cock. The resulting inarticulate groan was all that he could have wished for.
Fingers, tongue and hips worked until Elijah was arching and panting under him, tiny drops of sweat running over flushed skin. Could there be anything more than this?
As he dropped his hips, his cock rubbing up and over, his free hand cupping under the curve of Elijah’s arse to lift him just a little more, Orli knew there was nothing more.
“Please Orlando,” Elijah panted. “Please, do it now.” He’d acted this begging desperation before, but never dreamed of feeling it. A palpable current running up his spine.
Orli slid his knees under himself, sitting back, fingers still reaching deep inside. “You sure? You don’t want me to just….” He pushed and twisted maliciously, grinning as Elijah sucked in a huge breath and held totally still. For a moment Elijah could do nothing but ride the shock wave of stimulus so fierce it was almost painful. Almost; almost but not quite.
The shudder passed and he pulled his legs impossibly wider, tipping his hips forward. “Now you bastard,” he hissed. “Do it now.”
Elijah slipped a hand under his knee pulling it back to his chest. As he did so Orli’s fingers slid deliberately, grazing across too sensitive flesh. Elijah couldn’t help but buck as he bit at a swollen lip.
“Sure?” Orli asked again, smiling. He leant forward and flicked his tongue over the tip of Elijah’s cock.
“Do it!” Elijah howled, twisting his head so his breath puffed at his raised knee. “You don’t have to make all this effort with me. I can take anything you can give.”
Orli stilled his fingers but didn’t remove them. “’Lijah you say one more dumb arsed thing like that,” he looked up, eyes full of need but also something else. Anger? Compassion? Empathy? “And I will keep you dangling on the edge till you are crying and begging me to finish you.”
Elijah stared up at the ceiling, desperately trying to catch his breath. He had no doubt Orli could do it. No one had ever taken this time and effort over him and Elijah had never wanted anything so much in all his life. All new feelings; so different, so intense as to be nearly painful. And he hadn’t even know how much he’d been longing for them. “Please,” he said softly. “I want you to.”
“That’s better,” Orli said angling himself over Elijah. He looked down at the flushed face and heaving chest below him and smiled before dropping a soft kiss on Elijah’s lips.
“I love you,” he whispered. “And now I’m gonna fuck you.” Elijah said nothing; holding Orli’s eyes for a moment, praying to god the other man knew how he felt.
He did.
Twisting around just a little Orli aligned his cock flush with the fingers still deep inside Elijah and then slowly, oh so slowly, pushed along the hollow they formed. He felt it as the tip of his cock slipped in and his fingers drew out – a sweet tightening, a glorious knowledge that he had found a new home – and couldn’t help the loud, long groan escaping his lips.
Elijah stuttered out a breath of pleasure in reply.
Orli thought about pushing, thrusting so damned hard that… but just about managed to hold himself enough to gently ease his way further in; soft, flickering movements as he kissed and licked at what ever part of Elijah’s skin he could reach.
Elijah mewled, a soft flutter of sound unlike anything Orli had heard him make before, and he prayed to every god he could think of that it was in pleasure.
He felt a wriggling underneath him and realised that somehow Elijah had managed to pull his knees further back, further apart, opening himself wider as… Orli’s cock slipped in a little more. He held himself completely still for a moment, and risked a glance down, questioning.
Big eyes looked up at him; big and round, almost pleading. Orli could see Elijah’s lips moving but couldn’t catch the words. He leaned a little closer.
“Please,” Elijah whispered, twisting his head, trying to hide from a type of nakedness he’d never known before, the words coming from a long dormant part of his mind. “Please, love me.”
Orli felt the last semblance of his control go; control over what he was doing, what he was feeling, over his life. He pressed slowly but methodically, the rest of the way into Elijah’s body on a long, long, long moan that echoed round the dimly lit room. His hand tightened around Elijah’s cock, determined to seize every part of the other man. This was what he wanted, this feeling of complete rightness as he moved again and again inside the tight body below him.
Nothing had felt like this since… No, he wouldn’t do that. This was about Elijah; he wasn’t going to think about the past. Now was all about the perfect present and the possibilities of the future. Now was about life, not death.
Teeth gritted he held on for as long as he could, fingers squeezing an exquisite rhythm, determined to hold on till Elijah came. It was hard, so damned hard. Hard to hold on, hard to keep up the pressure, hard not to push so fiercely they were both screaming, hard to remember anything other than the pleasure. He flicked his wrist, hand tightening in a way that made Elijah grab hold of a breath and… and come with an almost pathetic whimper.
When Orli felt the splatter of warm come on his hand and the body below him go limp with a stuttered breath he heaved out a groan and… fucked Elijah with every atom of love and passion he possessed. With an unexpected suddenness he came; he came with a tightening in his chest far stronger than anything he felt in his groin.
Home.
A feeling he had given up hope of. A feeling he never expected to have again and had mourned for. A feeling that he thanked Shane for.
He pulled out gently and flopped down onto his side, pulling Elijah onto him. For a second Elijah pushed into the contact, his hands pinching fast at the skin on Orli’s back and shoulders, he hugged Orli in a punishing embrace, clinging on for dear life, rubbing his face into the crook of Orli’s neck. And then he was gone.
Elijah pulled away, turning his back on Orli to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands going up to scrub at his face. But not quick enough to prevent Orli seeing a few quick tears drip from dark eyelashes onto a pale cheek.
“Oh fuck Elijah, I’m sorry,” Orli reached across the bed, but Elijah was off before he had a chance to touch him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I tried to go slow but I… Christ I’m so sorry.” Reality hit hard.
Elijah mumbled something incoherent as he hunted in the pile of clothes on the chair for something to wipe his face on.
Orli couldn’t believe this; everything had been so good, so… right. There really was no other word for it, and now it was falling apart and it was all his fault. He’d managed to muck up the only good thing that had happened to him since Shane had died and...
He tried again, crawling across the bed to plead to Elijah’s back. “You have to believe me, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ll never do it again, I’m really, really sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry,” Elijah wiped his face on his t-shirt and then threw it on the floor. “It’s not your fault.”
“Of course it’s my fault,” Orli sat back on his heels. “I hurt you and I promised myself I’d never do that. I lied and…”
“You didn’t lie and you didn’t hurt me,”
“I…” Orli fought for the right words. “I know it wasn’t the greatest sex ever but it’s early days… we’re still learning about each other, it’ll get better and… I won’t hurt you again. I promise.”
“Shut up! You didn’t hurt me,” Elijah shouted high and shrill. He turned round, his face smudged with dirty tear stains but his eyes blazing. “Everybody else did but you didn’t.”
“I don’t understand…” And Orli truly didn’t.
“You don’t understand? Well neither did I,” the hurt, little boy was gone. In his place stood a very angry man. “I thought I knew everything, me – the great sex expert. I knew everything there was to know about it, which was just as well because it was the only thing I knew about. Only…” he stared past Orli, at the bed, for a long moment.
“Only I didn’t know it could be like that,” he looked at Orli, some sort of a mockery of a smile on his face. “Fucking hilarious, isn’t it? I didn’t even know what I was missing… didn’t know it existed, and I’m meant to be the great expert.”
“I…” Orli didn’t know what to say; frighteningly conscious that saying the wrong thing could make Elijah even angrier. But not understanding what the right thing was. “But… you’ve done that before?”
“Done what?” Elijah was spitting fire now and Orli didn’t know if it was at him. “Had a cock shoved up my arse? Course I’ve done that. I’ve had a cock shoved up my arse and enjoyed it but I’ve never had the rest… didn’t even know about it.”
He turned away from Orli in angry frustration, but Orli wasn’t having that. “Elijah,” he grabbed Elijah’s arm and swung him back round. “I don’t understand, tell me what you didn’t know.”
Elijah shook his arm free. “I thought sex was all about what happened in your cock and your arse, about one person going hard and fast after what they wanted and, if you were really lucky, the other one getting something out of it as well.”
His voice started to crack and he looked away from Orli. “I didn’t know it was about what happened in here and here as well,” he tapped a hard finger on his chest, near his heart, and his head. “No one ever let on that how it felt here was even better… that it’s all about who you’re with not just what you’re doing. I didn’t know that you could both enjoy it as much as…”
His face clouded with a dawning uncertainty. “Oh fuck Orli, you did….?”
“Did I what? Enjoy it?” Orli reached for Elijah’s hand again and this time he wasn’t brushed away. “Jesus did I ever enjoy it,” he ran his hand down, linking their fingers together. “That’s what I’ve been trying to find for so long, that extra fire inside when it’s with someone you care about. Not just another fuck.”
“I didn’t know it existed,” Elijah’s voice wavered and Orli pretended he didn’t see the sparkle of tears at the corners of his eyes.
“Well you do now!” Orli tried to pull Elijah towards him but the resistance was still too strong. “I’ve been searching for that for so long and you didn’t know it existed. Now you know it’ll be here whenever you want it, just like I will be.”
Suddenly, instead of pulling back, Elijah threw himself at Orli, pushing until they were both lying on the bed, Elijah’s face once more buried in the crook of Orli’s neck. He grabbed at Orli’s arm trying frantically to wrap it around himself, until Orli cottoned on and hugged him close.
Orli could feel tiny little shudders running through Elijah’s body as he burrowed in deeper, trying to twist and wriggle his legs so that Orli was almost surrounding him. Elijah mumbled something against Orli’s skin. “What?” Orli asked but Elijah wouldn’t lift his head, mumbling again.
“Tell me,” Orli said quietly as he hooked his leg further over Elijah’s hip.
Elijah twisted his head slightly, not looking up, only moving his mouth away from skin. “Tighter,” he whispered. “Hold me tighter.”
Orli was only too happy to oblige. With one hand he stroked along Elijah’s spine until, slowly, the trembling stopped. But still he didn’t release the tightness of his hold.
“Do you know,” Orli said gently. “After Shane died all I wanted was a quiet life, even after he’d been gone a while and I realised I was looking for something more, I still wanted safe and cautious. Then you exploded into my world and…” he smiled, kissing the top of Elijah’s head. “Thank god you’re here. We might be a right pair of emotional cripples but it’s never going to be boring and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
Elijah looked up, propping his chin on Orli’s chest. “You won’t let me go, will you?”
Orli shook his head. “Not a chance.”
“Even if I’m really difficult and cock things up?”
“Makes no difference. I’m stuck with you and… you’re good for me. You stop me living in the past.”
“Sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good ‘cos I’m never gonna let you get away.” Elijah laid his head back down and traced a firm finger along Orli’s arm. “And don’t think it’s all one sided, it’s never going to be easy with you either. You’re always making me think, making me…feel. I’m not sure if I’m gonna like that.” He looked up through thick lashes, his ironic smile tight but sure.
“Course you will,” Orli smiled back. “Anyway, it’s good for you. Like eating your greens, you might not like the taste but you know it’s healthy and does you good. I’m going to keep you healthy, even if it kills us both.”
“Oh god, if only I known how hard you’d push for what’s good for me before I made my wish,” Elijah laughed softly, snuggling in tighter.
“Erh?” Orli raised an eyebrow. “What wish?”
“My birthday wish, when I blew out the candles on my cake. It proves birthday wishes really do come true.”
Orli stroked a hand through Elijah’s hair, down over an ear to the curve of his jaw. He lifted it gently so he could look into Elijah’s eyes. “What did you wish for?”
“You,” Elijah said, his face serious. Then he broke into an enormous smile. “But that was before I knew how scary you are.”
“Idiot,” Orli said flippantly, catching Elijah in a huge bear hug.
They lay quiet for a long while, never moving any further apart, never letting their fingers idle, Orli’s mind whirling away, almost against his will. A question niggled at his mind and he couldn’t let it go. “I asked you once before if you were gay or bi.” He trailed his fingers through Elijah’s hair, lifting a few strands to his face to sniff then letting them drop back down. “Which is it?”
Elijah went still. “Does it matter?”
Orli thought about that; thought about it long and hard. “Yeah, I think it does,” he said softly. “Not for any big sex reason, just because I want to know about you and that’s part of who you are.”
Elijah rolled over onto his back and let out a long breath. Not a sigh exactly, more an acceptance that it was time to deal with this. “I said before that I didn’t know and I wasn’t lying, I really don’t. I always just… slept with whoever I had to.”
“But you must know who you want,” Orli reasoned.
“Why must I? How am I supposed to tell?”
“I don’t know, who did you want? Not just for what they could do for you but who did you fancy?”
Elijah was silent for a long moment. “I guess if you follow that criteria I’m…Oh fuck it, just forget it.” He tucked himself back in against Orli’s side, his hand reaching over to drape against a rounded pink nipple.
“No, tell me please,” Orli said, easing Elijah onto his back and leaning over him so he could see his face. “I want to know you. Are you gay or bi?”
Elijah looked at him, eyes wider and rounder than Orli had ever seen them before. He hesitated a second and Orli saw him make a silent decision. “I’ve never slept with anyone just because I wanted them.”
“Never?” Orli said disbelieving.
Elijah shook his head. “You’re the first.”
“I’m your first,” Orli rolled the words around his tongue, testing them out. Partly appalled, partly amazed but mostly honoured.
“I’ve had loads of sex but…” Elijah actually began to blush. The colour just touching the top of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “You’re the first person I’ve wanted, the first person I’ve… made love with.” The last words were said so quietly Orli only just heard then, but hear them he did.
“Oh god Elijah,” Orli reached a hand out brushing the hair back from Elijah’s face, tracing the curve of his eyebrow, resting a thumb on the soft skin.
Elijah stared at him, eyes unguarded and trusting. “As for labels well, I don’t think it would matter if you were a man or a woman. I just want you. So I guess I’m not gay or bi, I’m yours. I’m Orli’s.”
Orli curved forward and gently kissed Elijah’s forehead. “And now I’m yours.”
He pulled the covers up off the floor, tucked Elijah into his side, wrapped them both up tight and reached to switch off the lamp. In the darkness Orli felt Elijah’s head tip back slightly. “You want me to stay with you tonight?” Elijah asked.
“No,” Orli sighed. “I want you to stay with me forever.”
It wasn’t going to be easy but by God, Orli knew it was going to be worth it.
+
Orli woke first the next morning, as he fought to open his eyes he was conscious of the silly little smile on his lips and that everything had changed. His hand stroked over Elijah’s hip and he was rewarded when a leg was lifted higher across his thighs. He smiled, an idiotic, self-satisfied smile as he felt Elijah’s breath puff against his chest.
He lay there and thought about the chaotic, roller-coaster of events and emotions from the previous night. After one night everything was different. Now life had a purpose, now he had a reason to get up in the morning… Fuck! He really did have a reason to get up: work.
He slipped out of bed, gently untangling Elijah, trying not to wake him, but it was no good, they’d been too tightly tied. “Where’ you going?” Elijah asked half opening a sleepy eye and pushing the duvet down to release a cloud of warmth and Elijah’s smell.
“I have to go to work,” Orli looked as Elijah stretched, arms twisting above his head, spine arching, hips lifting, cock… Oh god. Cock hard and weeping. “Maybe I don’t have to go just yet… but I do need to pee.” He dropped a kiss on Elijah’s lips, only just managing to pull himself away from their soft, warm promise to head for the bathroom.
As Orli came back into the bedroom Elijah uncurled to lay across the bed, duvet pushed out of sight. His hand lazily stroked at his cock, the contrast of the dark flush and the pale skin of his fingers making Orli’s breath hitch.
Even with his hand moving like that he looked… his face looked… innocent, defenceless, vulnerable. Orli would make it his life’s work to protect him.
“Orli, I know you have to go to work, can’t have both of us lazing around all day, but…” Elijah’s voice was dark and full of longing. “Can’t we do it again before you go?”
Orli’s cock dripped a pearl of pre-cum.
“What do you want?” Orli could hear the need in his own voice.
“Oh no, don’t start that again,” Elijah laughed as his hand pulled a little harder. “We can do what you want as well.”
“I want… I have absolutely no idea what I want to do,” Orli laughed with him, knowing he damned well meant it. He might not know what he wanted but he knew he wanted to do lots of it.
“Okay,” Elijah’s eyes lit up. “I’ll fuck you while you think about it and then you can fuck me. Only do it harder this time,” he licked at impossibly perfect lips. “I want to feel you inside me till you get home tonight. And…” he cocked a dark eyebrow. “Do you think you’ll be able to get it up again after that? I wanna suck you as well and then of course there’s always my wanking fantasy of you wet and naked.”
Vulnerable?
Orli conceded that maybe one of them was in need of a little protection but he wasn’t entirely certain it was Elijah.
+
When Orli got home that night it was to the smell of spices cooking. Nice. Elijah didn’t do full-on cooking very often but when he did he was good. The aroma reached him as he opened the door, long before he got a glimpse of Elijah. But then… there he was standing in the wreckage of the kitchen, hair mussed up, a smear of something spicy on his cheek, a look of longing in his eye along with a hint of uncertainty.
“Missed you,” Orli said. All the way home on the bus he’d been trying to think of something witty or clever to say when he got in. That wasn’t what he’d intended, but Elijah’s face lit up.
“Can’t think why, you’ve rung me at least half a dozen times,” Elijah replied and indeed Orli had, stupid, pointless phone calls when they’d talked about who’s turn it was to clean the toilet and whether they needed any more milk. At the end of each call they’d been laughing about nothing and neither of them had wanted to be the first to hang up.
“You rang me as well,” Orli pointed out. “I hardly got anything done.”
“Sorry,” but Elijah didn’t look it. He waved a hand in the vague direction of the oven. “Dinners on, it’ll be a couple of hours.”
Orli felt a lump swell up in his throat. He wanted all this so much… “I guess that gives us time to…” his mouth went dry.
“Go to bed,” Elijah whispered for him.
At first it was fast and furious, desperate passion needing to be quenched, hard and punishing, as too many hours apart took their toll. First time they didn’t even make it to the bed, fingers marking flesh as they pushed up against the door frame, guttural, ragged breaths, moans of, ‘harder,’ ‘more,’ ‘need you,’ strangled, off-pitch cries of each others names as body crushed against body, biting and claiming.
Collapsing to the floor, Elijah held Orli’s head in a grip so tight the red marks would show for days as he pushed himself into the only too willing mouth. Tongue first, then fingers, followed by his cock. Neck stretched taut as Elijah threw his head back and howled at the ceiling as he came. Never had he felt this, never had he even glimpsed it could be like this; not for him. Feelings like this weren’t for the likes of him; this yearning, hysterical need to… possess Orli.
Then it turned slow and exploring. Orli having to hold Elijah down so he could memorise every millimetre of skin, every rounded curve, every long muscle, every plane of open body with fingertips, tongue and mouth, before sucking and thrusting them both back to fever pitch again.
Everything he wanted and all he needed.
At one point Orli had looked up at the photograph of Shane and... Should he feel guilty?
But then he was sure Shane had looked back down and smiled, not so fanciful, they always did have that element of knowing how the other felt. This was just another example and… Shane would know.
Perfect.
Everything was perfect.
+
They sat in the bath, the oven turned off, dinner forgotten for the moment. Orli was glad he hadn’t thrown away the candles his sister had given him at Christmas. He’d felt stupid when he got them out, shyly showing them to Elijah who had dutifully laughed but then helped to stand them around the bathroom and light them.
Now Orli lay back, his head resting against the wall, Elijah leaning on his chest. Elijah’s head seemed to have found its own natural position, snuggled in against Orli’s neck. Orli reached round and let a handful of water trickle over Elijah’s nipple, watching as it formed streams and rivers down the soft skin.
“Come to my mum and dad’s for dinner on Sunday?” he asked out of nowhere.
“Nah,” Elijah didn’t open his eyes as his hands skimmed patterns over Orli’s knees where they pressed tightly into his sides. “We’ve been over this before, I’m not really welcome.”
“But it’s different now, we’re different,” Orli almost laughed at himself. “I want to show you off. We can start with my folks and then meet some of the others for a drink next week.”
“Do we have to?” Elijah squirmed gently. “Can’t we just stay here forever, the two of us? I don’t know if I’m ready for people yet, not if I have to… be careful.”
Orli pushed gently at Elijah’s shoulder and hugged him. “You’ll be all right, we’ll take it slow.”
Elijah made a blurry sound of disagreement.
“I’ll be there and only a few people to begin with. Parents first and then Rose and a couple of the others.”
“I somehow don’t think you’re parents will be impressed.”
“Well they should be, you’re beautiful.”
“You know, I can’t get over the fact you really mean that,” Elijah turned his head, kissing Orli’s neck. “Not just that I’m fuckable but that I’m actually beautiful.”
“You are. Fuckable and beautiful,” he dripped more water around Elijah’s chest, rubbing it in with his thumbs. “And my parents should get a chance to see it.”
“You’re beautiful too. The most beautiful…” Elijah didn’t finish the sentence, changing the subject again. “But you shouldn’t push things with your parents. It could be… difficult.”
“Why?” Orli asked gently. “Why could it be difficult?”
“Oh I don’t know,” Elijah wrinkled up his nose and shrugged. “It just might.”
“’Lijah, let’s have a deal, right here, at the beginning of us. No lies and no secrets. Each of us has so much…” Orli searched for the right word. “So much baggage that things could go wrong if we don’t talk to each other. I don’t want that, so talk. Deal?”
Elijah twisted his head round, looking up at Orli’s serious face. “Yeah, I guess so. Deal.”
“So?”
Elijah settled back against Orli’s chest, his hands taking up their familiar position brushing at Orli’s knees. “It’s just… you’re parents have met me before. They already have opinions about me. I bet your mum said something to you, tried to warn you off?”
Orli hesitated.
Elijah pushed. “Come on, you said no secrets remember. I bet she said something.”
“Maybe.”
Elijah smiled, but it held no warmth. “Told you so.”
“Well she was wrong, she has to get to know the real you and dad…” Elijah suddenly felt Orli go tense and he knew he’d made a connection. Elijah’s heart sank just a little.
“My dad hit on you, didn’t he?” Orli asked, his voice flat.
Elijah tried to work out what to say.
“No secrets,” Orli said. “Tell me.”
“He didn’t really hit on me...” Elijah hedged but kept to the truth. “Maybe he thought about the idea, just a little.”
Orli sucked in a huge breath, letting it out slowly through his nose. “And mum knows?”
“Not really, not officially. But she saw the way he looked at me, heard a couple of things he said.”
Orli went silent, thinking. “Did he fuck you?” he asked suddenly.
“No. It never came to anything.”
“But he would have? If you’d have let him. If he’d had anything you wanted.”
“I honestly don’t know. I think I made him wonder and he got a bit… fascinated as well as appalled by the idea,” Elijah shrugged, feeling he’d somehow let Orli down.
“Shit,” Orli hugged Elijah again, a tight possessive hug as he kissed the dark hair. “All the more reason for you to come Sunday, show them we’re together now.”
“They’re not gonna like it,” Elijah said again.
“Tough. Anyway, they’ll get used to it. They’ll have to.”
“You’re quite ruthless on the quiet, aren’t you?” Elijah said, sinking further back onto Orli. “I didn’t realise it at first but you’re good at making people come round to your way of thinking.”
“Yep, I just batter them down till they see my logic,” he smiled for the first time in a while and ran his hands over Elijah’s chest, down to his belly button. “It worked with Shane, it’ll work with you.”
“What do you mean, ‘it worked with Shane?’ Didn’t they like him?”
“Not at first. They wouldn’t have liked anyone at first; they didn’t approve of my being gay,” he twisted a leg round over Elijah’s, easing a tensing thigh, claiming a little more possession. “They hoped it was just a phase but Shane won them round, so will you. Now even my mum admits I have impeccable taste and I’m usually right.”
“I think it might be just a bit harder for me,” Elijah half laughed. “What with my history.”
“You’ll do it,” Orli said confidently. “I have faith in you and if not, fuck ‘em. They either accept me and who I want or they don’t. So, you coming Sunday?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Only if you really, really need it.”
“I’ll come but… remind me not to cross you,” Elijah smiled, feeling very safe, very protected.
“I’ll remind you about that next time we’re arguing over what to watch on telly,” Orli said, leaning forward awkwardly to add more hot water.
They settled back again as the steam rose. When the water reached too high Elijah twisted the tap off with his foot, unwilling to sit up. The atmosphere was warm and peaceful and their thoughts drifted for a while.
“I’m always going to be second to Shane, aren’t I?” Elijah suddenly asked.
Orli thought about it, not dismissing it quickly as he could have, but knowing Elijah deserved the truth. “Depends what you mean by second,” he twisted so he could look at Elijah. “Shane will always be the first person I fell in love with, the first to make me realise who I was and what I wanted.”
“What do you mean?”
Orli chewed his lip as he considered how to explain his feelings. “It was Shane that made me realise I didn’t want a whole string of one night stands, that I wanted someone to love and…” he laughed at himself. “Fuck, I sound like a girl, but that I wanted commitment and someone I know will be there when I get home. Shane gave me all that and more and I will always love him for it but…”
“But what?”
“I don’t know… I love him but…” Still Orli couldn’t say it.
“But he’s dead?” Elijah suggested quietly.
“Yeah, he’s gone and,” Orli smiled ironically. “You’re more than enough of a handful.”
“But not enough to forget about him, surely?” Elijah sounded disapproving.
“God no, I’ll never forget Shane, I’ll always love him and he’ll always be… special.”
“That’s as it should be.” Elijah smiled and settled back, happy now that was sorted. He really didn’t want Orli to lose the memory of Shane, he wanted Orli to have everything, to be…content.
“But now I’m happy to love you,” it was Orli’s turn to smile. “Shane would have like you, he’d approve of us. You’d have liked him as well; in fact I would have had stiff competition if he were still here. But…” he kissed Elijah’s ear, a tiny little gesture more about affection than lust. “He’s gone and you’re here and it’s us now. So I guess you’re second to Shane in some things, in timing for one, but not in how much I love you.”
“I can live with that,” Elijah said resting his head back down. “That’ll do me just fine.”
And by god, he meant it.
The End.
no subject
So beautiful... you're really great :D
I'm amazed again, and... and I don't have the words, I can't explain how I feel. Just wonderful. and so hot... real, and sweet, intense... perfect. Really :) Thank you so much!
I can't wait for the second story in this universe, I'll miss your updates! (you'll post it here too, right? :))
no subject
I will post here as well, promise.
:-)
no subject
Love Guilty
xxx
no subject
:-)
no subject
I feel stupid but that's the first time I started crying reading a very hot sex scene. I couldn't stop after that...
Thank you!!
Kwin
no subject
Thank you so much for all the lovely feedback, you're a star.
no subject
And I shall look forward to the sequel!
*hugs*
no subject
That is high praise indeed, thank you so much. Let's hope I get the sequel done before everyone forgets this first fic!
Thanks again.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
*stamps foot*
I'd quote my favourite parts but that would be the whole fic...
Collapsing to the floor, Elijah held Orli’s head in a grip so tight the red marks would show for days as he pushed himself into the only too willing mouth. Tongue first, then fingers, followed by his cock.
But this bit really made me need a cold drink and a wet washcloth on my head to cool me down. Hot hot hot.
Oh and okay you have won me over with Orli...finally...lol. But i still love Lij the best *
molestspats Elijah*And you knew it was coming...
And yes its old but i still love it...
no subject
So, so glad I made you love Orli, he is a darling. Go on admit it, he is isn't he?
Thank you for all the feedback and the glorious pics, I will miss them so much. Feel free to spam my lj whenever you feel the urge.
You're a darling.
:-)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
no subject
Hope the exams went well, go on admit it, you passed them all sleep or no sleep. I sure hope you did.
no subject
Last chapter! *pout* Oh no... What should I do from now? Re-read the whole thing again? Or,
bribeconvince you to write seq(or whole new story)??? *pout some more**throw myself on your feet* Waaah! Please tell me there will be something, anything more!!!! :cry:
no subject
Bribing sounds good, very good!
Story 2 is at about 40 pages so far, but don't hold you're breath, I am *incredibly* slow. Damaged took me nearly 11 months to write.
My diiiiirty little mind screaming "BI!"
You think Elijah's bi? I kinda think sex in it's self isn't that important to him and he isn't interested in people for that. For him it was a way of getting something and now, with Orli, it's about giving a receiving pleasure. I think he's a bit scared of other people -- but no! That's story 2.
One last thing, sorry for the huge reply, I just love your icon. Did you make it? It's gorgeous.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
I hope you don't mind but I rec'ed it in my LJ.. It is just great!!
no subject
Mind? Are you mad?? I'm pleased as punch that you like it enough to rec it. Bloody hell that's so nice.. have gone all warm and smiley now.
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
I'm miserable to see the end of this fic, but... it's miserable in a way that I can be happy with the way it ended. Everything was tied up, no loose ends. Perfect. Really perfect.
Congratulations on writing such a beautiful story. I'll never forget it.
Take care.
-Apprentice.
no subject
Snogs you for saying that.
:-)
no subject
“Elijah, unless you really, really want me to stop for some weird reason you should shut up now.”
It's one of the best romances I've read in ages. Smut, tension and happily ever after, yay!
no subject
I did try so hard to make it feel real but who can resist a bit of happily ever after! There's always story 2 for some more angst.
Thanks a million for the lovely feedback.
:-)
no subject
I really, really loved reading this whole story...and I can't wait to read anything else from you, no matter if it would be a sequel or a whole new story, just something as carefully and beautifully written as this one. You're amazing.
<3
no subject
Now that is high praise indeed, to think that it came over as so natural and so *right* that it felt like the only way it could be done... Thank you so much.
And there will be a sequel. Eventually.
:-)
no subject
no subject
Oh wow, thank you **SO** very much. What more could anyone want to hear!
:-)
no subject
no subject
Nice to hear from you.
I love that both characters are so real and complicated and so far beyond the "pretty boys bonking".
That was very much what I wanted to do, make them real rounded normal guys that you might actually meet around my part of London. I'm dead pleased you think I got it right. Thanks a million.
no subject
no subject
:-)
This was lovely
They were both beautiful. You pulled me right in from the very beginning. And right now, I feel very content. A perfect end.
Thank you.
Re: This was lovely
I'm dead pleased you're feeling content, I must have got it right for once.
Thanks.
no subject
no subject
You have no idea how pleased I am to read that. I know I have a tendency to over write and I try really hard not to. It's wonderful to know I curbed it for once.
You are a darlin' for saying that and all the other wonderful things.
Thanks.
{{big hugs}}
no subject
Every part is so incredibly real feeling, from the descriptions of their surroundings, to their words and thoughts and emotions. I loved it and I'm putting it in memories.
Thank you.
*squeezes*
no subject
Wow, thank you indeed. That is really... can't think of a decent way to say it so, thank you.
And I am so, so chuffed that you think it felt real, that's what I was aiming for and maybe, for once, I got it right.
You're a star.
no subject
no subject
I'm glad you enjoyed the fic and still found it real.
(no subject)