AndreaLyn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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fellowshippers2004-07-01 02:04 pm
andrealyn) wrote in fellowshippers2004-07-01 02:04 pm
(no subject)
Title: The Virtue Of Men 7/7
Pairing: Dom/Billy, Karl/Viggo
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Ain't mine, ain't never happened.
Summary: Dom looks for something to believe in.
Notes: Thank you to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
captnobvious for the beta and twinklypixie for the translations. All previous parts are located in my journal. I hope this was enjoyed.
fides
Dom’s believed in himself from day one because there’s been nothing better to put his faith in. There has always been something wrong with each and every thing that he’s put any stock in. An earthy mate of his had suggested the many various alternative religions and schools of thought including Buddhism, existentialism, and a quick bout of rationalism. None of them had worked because while they had all held promises, there were never results.
This time around, Dom is trying faith. He’s putting his faith in, not God perhaps, but a higher power above. It’s a strain of Catholicism maybe, without the masses and the transubstantiation and all the particulars of being Catholic. Dom is trying putting his faith in someone who will watch over him no matter what he’s done. So he prays, and he hopes, and one day he will even go to confession.
And if this doesn’t work, it will just be something else by the start of the next month. The only problem is the way Dom keeps going through all these religions, philosophies, and people. He believes in them, and they fail him.
The only trouble is that he’s going to run out of things to believe in soon. So he prays with every spare moment he has. He holds steadfastly to his newfound faith to see if this one is the right size for him.
If he has faith enough, things will be all right.
He just has to remember that.
Dom’s seen Karl and Viggo wandering around lately. He had heard through Sean exactly what had happened between the two of them. They had fought because Viggo had wanted everything to be perfect, or he had thought they were perfect and it turns out they weren’t, or something else that is severely screwed up. Dom is sure that the word perfect had been in there. He doesn’t quite understand, and he has a feeling he never will.
Despite not achieving comprehension, he holds one belief true. He thinks that Karl and Viggo deserve – as well as need – a fresh start. They would work well, Dom thinks, if they would just be true to themselves.
And it’s funny, but Dom is in a strange position where he’s on the outside looking in. He can see that Sean and Elijah aren’t talking – and he makes a mental note to put them in a room and lock it, forcing them to either talk or turn to cannibalism – and he can see that Karl and Viggo have been on the outs.
He sees Orlando wandering about, and he’s been extra friendly with Billy lately.
That one puts him on edge.
It’ll all be fine soon, Dom knows. Once he finds a little piece of strength, he’ll be able to talk with Billy, and they’re going to be able to work it out as well. That means it’s just a matter of days at this point. Maybe less, depending on when he heads into town.
Billy deserves happiness. Dom knows they deserve a fresh start as well.
And somehow, Dom will make it happen.
It feels as though Dom has been walking the halls with Elijah for a few hours when in reality, he knows it’s only been about twenty minutes. He can’t help but be anxious. Orlando is supposed to be heading into town today, and Dom wants to tag along to attend to some matters. Dom hasn’t said more than five words in reply to Elijah’s ramblings – something he’s used to – and really, he doesn’t even think he should be doing anything but listening.
“I mean, I didn’t mean it as anything bad! He was drunk, and I was depressed, and he just looked at me with those fucking eyes of his, and you know the way I can get after a night that doesn’t finish,” Elijah inhales deeply on his clove – the fourth in their time together – before taking a breath to continue, “and we just…we slept together. Or, I fucked him. He fucked me. Then there was sleeping.”
Dom should be more shocked, but he’s too focused on other things. He wonders briefly if Billy is okay. He’d taken off with Orlando with nothing more than a quick, “Bungee jumping,” and hadn’t even asked if Dom had wanted to go.
“God, it was a mistake,” Elijah says miserably, puffing away at the cigarette.
“I know,” Dom murmurs in agreement. They stop in front of Sean’s room, and Elijah fidgets with everything and anything he can find. He fidgets with his hands, he takes drags of his cigarette, and he taps his foot on the ground. Dom nods towards the door, giving a tiny smile. “You ought to talk.”
“Yeah,” Elijah agrees after a pause.
“You two can fix it. I know it,” Dom enthuses. He does have faith in these two more than anyone else. Who else could be Frodo and Sam so realistically, both in film and real life? “You just have to talk. Have you exchanged one word since that night?”
“No,” Elijah replies flatly.
“Then you are going to talk, and if I have to lock you in that room until you work things out, then that’s what I’ll do,” Dom warns, giving Elijah a light push in the direction of the door. Elijah stops with his hand on the doorknob and gives an appreciative smile before disappearing inside the room. Dom sticks around long enough to hear the quiet murmurs of conversation.
“Hey.”
“Elijah, hi!”
“Listen, we need to talk…”
Dom walks away, whistling quietly with a small smile on his face. Things will be all right, he reasons, if Sean and Elijah can work it out. If they can put things in the past, then Dom has faith that he and Billy can work things out as well.
Orlando parts ways with him at the bus stop, and they head in complete opposite directions. Dom waits until Orlando is out of sight before heading towards the very large, very impressive church that sits in the middle of town. He hesitates in the arch of the doorway, looking inside to the dark interior. His eyes skip right to the confessional booths, and his hand nearly flies to the cross under his shirt.
He presses his hand over it, and takes his step inside the church.
He waits in the pew for a moment, collecting his thoughts and thinking about exactly what he’s there to say. A part of him wants to beg for strength, and for wisdom. Another part of him is there to acknowledge that he does have faith in something. He mutters a quick prayer and in his thoughts, he prays that Billy finds his ever-elusive strength.
He gets up and makes his way to the confessional booth.
“Bless me Father,” he murmurs as he closes the door and immediately sinks to his knees. The moment his knees hit the cool wood, he feels the words filling his mind, and he knows exactly what he’s going to say, “for I have sinned…”
“Hey,” Elijah exhales the word, and leans hard against the door. It’s the first thing he’s said to Sean since that night, and it feels like he’s gone through a few trials just to say it. Sean looks up from his sitting position at the end of the bed –but not quite at Elijah – and he has bags under his eyes.
“Elijah, hi!” he perks up immediately. Elijah presses his lips together; taking slow steps away from the door, and shakes his head. Elijah knows an act when he sees one, and he’s seeing one very clearly in plain sight. He sits down beside Sean.
There’s a moment of hesitation before Elijah says anything.
“Listen, we need to talk…” he states the obvious and trails off. Sean looks up again, and yet again he doesn’t look at Elijah. There is another long bout of silence between them, and when Elijah looks down, he realizes that Sean’s hands are actually shaking. His eyes go wide with worry, and he takes one of Sean’s hands into his. “Oh god, are you okay?”
“What?” Sean murmurs, finally looking at Elijah. He sounds surprised. He looks to his hand, laughs quietly before prying it out of Elijah’s grasp. “It’s just doing that. I’m…I’m a little bit nervous after what we…after what I…”
“After what we did,” Elijah finishes quietly, hanging his head.
There is another moment of silence. Elijah chalks this one up to admission. “Yeah,” Sean finally says. Elijah turns to look at Sean and decides that honesty is sometimes the best policy, and that really, he has to be fair.
“Look, Sean…” he begins hesitantly, unsure of what exactly he’s going to say. “I love you. You’re more a brother to me than my actual brother. You’re my rock to, you know…lean on…”
“Elijah, that doesn’t make sense,” Sean interrupts, and lectures tiredly. He gives a soft, amused smile nonetheless.
“I’m not supposed to make sense,” Elijah retorts quickly, “that’s your job. Anyways, look. I’m still your friend. I will be there for you no matter what. What happened the other night happened, and you know what? It’s in the past. I’m not going to drag it up. You helped me. God, Sean, I felt like such a piece of shit, and you made me feel better.”
“So, we’re okay?” Sean hesitantly asks, turning to look at Elijah. His hands have stopped shaking, and there’s a curious smile slowly growing on his face. “I mean, you’re fine with it? I didn’t ruin your life or anything.”
Elijah shakes his head and smiles gently. “And I’m not going to ruin yours. It’s ‘The Past’. Capital letters and all. Can’t deal without having you talking to me, you know?”
“We’re good?” Sean asks hopefully.
“Say the word, and we’re great,” Elijah nods.
Sean grins now, wrapping Elijah in a warm hug and holding him there for many long moments before he says anything. Elijah laughs, and it buzzes in Sean’s ear. Everything is okay. “It’s in the past,” Sean finally murmurs, pressing a kiss to Elijah’s temple, and parting to give one assured nod.
They can move on.
Dom comes back from the confession feeling free and better than he has in whole weeks. It’s not happiness, but he’s at the point where he can see the end of the tunnel and he knows the way out. They’re due to get out of the house in a few days, and Dom is actually glad for it. He misses privacy.
He sings a few mangled lyrics under his breath as he hops up the steps, and heads to the room to find Billy, literally sweep him off his feet and ask him to go out for dinner where they can discuss things. Dom also wants to show him the cross with the very special piece of Billy’s necklace in it.
“William Boyd,” he announces, opening the door and tossing off his jacket. He grins as he moves about, throwing his wallet onto the table, and searching out Billy. “I intend to take you on a date tonight, we are going to talk and sort things out, and then I plan to ravish you to…”
He trails off, frowns, and does a double take of the room. Billy’s not there.
“Billy?” Dom calls, his voice small and nervous.
He slowly wanders over to the bed, and he finally notices that there are things in the room that are missing. Shock slowly takes over as he notices that Billy’s bag is out of the closet, his sleeping trousers aren’t underneath the pillow, and every last trace of Billy is gone.
And on the covers of the bed is a piece of paper.
“Billy?” he calls out again, sounding lost – even to himself. He swallows a lump in his throat as he sits down on the bed, picking up the note in his hands, and reading. His hands tremble lightly as he does, and his mouth can’t seem to close properly. His breaths are shallow, loud, and he can’t seem to take in air properly.
It takes him four tries to actually comprehend what Billy has written, because his eyes won’t focus. When he finally calms himself down, he reads Billy’s writing over and over again, wondering if this is all some mistake, but knowing that this is real life.
Dom
I love you, but I found my strength.
I’m sorry.
Billy
It feels like Dom can’t breathe. It feels like someone has ripped his heart out, and is now laughing about it. It feels as though Dom has lost years of his life in the last three minutes alone. His breaths turn ragged as his back slumps and he holds his head in his hands, letting the piece of paper drift to the floor. He stares at the ground, unable to even think.
Dom can’t move.
It’s over.
Everything is too quiet.
Everyone has already left, but Dom has chosen to stick around and make sure the house is empty. It might have a tiny bit to do with the fact that he still feels paralyzed in terms of his emotions. Billy’s left him frozen in place, unable to move forward without proper closure, which Dom has a feeling he’s never going to get.
He lingers on the front porch, watching the cars drive by and he wonders what’s going to happen to him from here. He wonders if he’ll ever let the barriers down, if he’s going to make a blockbuster movie again, if he’s going to eat steak for dinner, and if he’s ever going to get the strength to get up and get in that car to drive to the airport.
So far, things are not looking up.
Dom crumples into a sit right there on the front porch, staring forward blankly. In that moment, he realizes that things have finally changed. He wants nothing more than to have them go back, even though he knows that they won’t. It doesn’t stop him from wishing it though.
But Dom has faith. And his faith tells him that Billy is not coming back.
In his heart, Dom knows it’s better that way.
THE END
Pairing: Dom/Billy, Karl/Viggo
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Ain't mine, ain't never happened.
Summary: Dom looks for something to believe in.
Notes: Thank you to
captnobvious for the beta and twinklypixie for the translations. All previous parts are located in my journal. I hope this was enjoyed.Dom’s believed in himself from day one because there’s been nothing better to put his faith in. There has always been something wrong with each and every thing that he’s put any stock in. An earthy mate of his had suggested the many various alternative religions and schools of thought including Buddhism, existentialism, and a quick bout of rationalism. None of them had worked because while they had all held promises, there were never results.
This time around, Dom is trying faith. He’s putting his faith in, not God perhaps, but a higher power above. It’s a strain of Catholicism maybe, without the masses and the transubstantiation and all the particulars of being Catholic. Dom is trying putting his faith in someone who will watch over him no matter what he’s done. So he prays, and he hopes, and one day he will even go to confession.
And if this doesn’t work, it will just be something else by the start of the next month. The only problem is the way Dom keeps going through all these religions, philosophies, and people. He believes in them, and they fail him.
The only trouble is that he’s going to run out of things to believe in soon. So he prays with every spare moment he has. He holds steadfastly to his newfound faith to see if this one is the right size for him.
If he has faith enough, things will be all right.
He just has to remember that.
Dom’s seen Karl and Viggo wandering around lately. He had heard through Sean exactly what had happened between the two of them. They had fought because Viggo had wanted everything to be perfect, or he had thought they were perfect and it turns out they weren’t, or something else that is severely screwed up. Dom is sure that the word perfect had been in there. He doesn’t quite understand, and he has a feeling he never will.
Despite not achieving comprehension, he holds one belief true. He thinks that Karl and Viggo deserve – as well as need – a fresh start. They would work well, Dom thinks, if they would just be true to themselves.
And it’s funny, but Dom is in a strange position where he’s on the outside looking in. He can see that Sean and Elijah aren’t talking – and he makes a mental note to put them in a room and lock it, forcing them to either talk or turn to cannibalism – and he can see that Karl and Viggo have been on the outs.
He sees Orlando wandering about, and he’s been extra friendly with Billy lately.
That one puts him on edge.
It’ll all be fine soon, Dom knows. Once he finds a little piece of strength, he’ll be able to talk with Billy, and they’re going to be able to work it out as well. That means it’s just a matter of days at this point. Maybe less, depending on when he heads into town.
Billy deserves happiness. Dom knows they deserve a fresh start as well.
And somehow, Dom will make it happen.
It feels as though Dom has been walking the halls with Elijah for a few hours when in reality, he knows it’s only been about twenty minutes. He can’t help but be anxious. Orlando is supposed to be heading into town today, and Dom wants to tag along to attend to some matters. Dom hasn’t said more than five words in reply to Elijah’s ramblings – something he’s used to – and really, he doesn’t even think he should be doing anything but listening.
“I mean, I didn’t mean it as anything bad! He was drunk, and I was depressed, and he just looked at me with those fucking eyes of his, and you know the way I can get after a night that doesn’t finish,” Elijah inhales deeply on his clove – the fourth in their time together – before taking a breath to continue, “and we just…we slept together. Or, I fucked him. He fucked me. Then there was sleeping.”
Dom should be more shocked, but he’s too focused on other things. He wonders briefly if Billy is okay. He’d taken off with Orlando with nothing more than a quick, “Bungee jumping,” and hadn’t even asked if Dom had wanted to go.
“God, it was a mistake,” Elijah says miserably, puffing away at the cigarette.
“I know,” Dom murmurs in agreement. They stop in front of Sean’s room, and Elijah fidgets with everything and anything he can find. He fidgets with his hands, he takes drags of his cigarette, and he taps his foot on the ground. Dom nods towards the door, giving a tiny smile. “You ought to talk.”
“Yeah,” Elijah agrees after a pause.
“You two can fix it. I know it,” Dom enthuses. He does have faith in these two more than anyone else. Who else could be Frodo and Sam so realistically, both in film and real life? “You just have to talk. Have you exchanged one word since that night?”
“No,” Elijah replies flatly.
“Then you are going to talk, and if I have to lock you in that room until you work things out, then that’s what I’ll do,” Dom warns, giving Elijah a light push in the direction of the door. Elijah stops with his hand on the doorknob and gives an appreciative smile before disappearing inside the room. Dom sticks around long enough to hear the quiet murmurs of conversation.
“Hey.”
“Elijah, hi!”
“Listen, we need to talk…”
Dom walks away, whistling quietly with a small smile on his face. Things will be all right, he reasons, if Sean and Elijah can work it out. If they can put things in the past, then Dom has faith that he and Billy can work things out as well.
Orlando parts ways with him at the bus stop, and they head in complete opposite directions. Dom waits until Orlando is out of sight before heading towards the very large, very impressive church that sits in the middle of town. He hesitates in the arch of the doorway, looking inside to the dark interior. His eyes skip right to the confessional booths, and his hand nearly flies to the cross under his shirt.
He presses his hand over it, and takes his step inside the church.
He waits in the pew for a moment, collecting his thoughts and thinking about exactly what he’s there to say. A part of him wants to beg for strength, and for wisdom. Another part of him is there to acknowledge that he does have faith in something. He mutters a quick prayer and in his thoughts, he prays that Billy finds his ever-elusive strength.
He gets up and makes his way to the confessional booth.
“Bless me Father,” he murmurs as he closes the door and immediately sinks to his knees. The moment his knees hit the cool wood, he feels the words filling his mind, and he knows exactly what he’s going to say, “for I have sinned…”
“Hey,” Elijah exhales the word, and leans hard against the door. It’s the first thing he’s said to Sean since that night, and it feels like he’s gone through a few trials just to say it. Sean looks up from his sitting position at the end of the bed –but not quite at Elijah – and he has bags under his eyes.
“Elijah, hi!” he perks up immediately. Elijah presses his lips together; taking slow steps away from the door, and shakes his head. Elijah knows an act when he sees one, and he’s seeing one very clearly in plain sight. He sits down beside Sean.
There’s a moment of hesitation before Elijah says anything.
“Listen, we need to talk…” he states the obvious and trails off. Sean looks up again, and yet again he doesn’t look at Elijah. There is another long bout of silence between them, and when Elijah looks down, he realizes that Sean’s hands are actually shaking. His eyes go wide with worry, and he takes one of Sean’s hands into his. “Oh god, are you okay?”
“What?” Sean murmurs, finally looking at Elijah. He sounds surprised. He looks to his hand, laughs quietly before prying it out of Elijah’s grasp. “It’s just doing that. I’m…I’m a little bit nervous after what we…after what I…”
“After what we did,” Elijah finishes quietly, hanging his head.
There is another moment of silence. Elijah chalks this one up to admission. “Yeah,” Sean finally says. Elijah turns to look at Sean and decides that honesty is sometimes the best policy, and that really, he has to be fair.
“Look, Sean…” he begins hesitantly, unsure of what exactly he’s going to say. “I love you. You’re more a brother to me than my actual brother. You’re my rock to, you know…lean on…”
“Elijah, that doesn’t make sense,” Sean interrupts, and lectures tiredly. He gives a soft, amused smile nonetheless.
“I’m not supposed to make sense,” Elijah retorts quickly, “that’s your job. Anyways, look. I’m still your friend. I will be there for you no matter what. What happened the other night happened, and you know what? It’s in the past. I’m not going to drag it up. You helped me. God, Sean, I felt like such a piece of shit, and you made me feel better.”
“So, we’re okay?” Sean hesitantly asks, turning to look at Elijah. His hands have stopped shaking, and there’s a curious smile slowly growing on his face. “I mean, you’re fine with it? I didn’t ruin your life or anything.”
Elijah shakes his head and smiles gently. “And I’m not going to ruin yours. It’s ‘The Past’. Capital letters and all. Can’t deal without having you talking to me, you know?”
“We’re good?” Sean asks hopefully.
“Say the word, and we’re great,” Elijah nods.
Sean grins now, wrapping Elijah in a warm hug and holding him there for many long moments before he says anything. Elijah laughs, and it buzzes in Sean’s ear. Everything is okay. “It’s in the past,” Sean finally murmurs, pressing a kiss to Elijah’s temple, and parting to give one assured nod.
They can move on.
Dom comes back from the confession feeling free and better than he has in whole weeks. It’s not happiness, but he’s at the point where he can see the end of the tunnel and he knows the way out. They’re due to get out of the house in a few days, and Dom is actually glad for it. He misses privacy.
He sings a few mangled lyrics under his breath as he hops up the steps, and heads to the room to find Billy, literally sweep him off his feet and ask him to go out for dinner where they can discuss things. Dom also wants to show him the cross with the very special piece of Billy’s necklace in it.
“William Boyd,” he announces, opening the door and tossing off his jacket. He grins as he moves about, throwing his wallet onto the table, and searching out Billy. “I intend to take you on a date tonight, we are going to talk and sort things out, and then I plan to ravish you to…”
He trails off, frowns, and does a double take of the room. Billy’s not there.
“Billy?” Dom calls, his voice small and nervous.
He slowly wanders over to the bed, and he finally notices that there are things in the room that are missing. Shock slowly takes over as he notices that Billy’s bag is out of the closet, his sleeping trousers aren’t underneath the pillow, and every last trace of Billy is gone.
And on the covers of the bed is a piece of paper.
“Billy?” he calls out again, sounding lost – even to himself. He swallows a lump in his throat as he sits down on the bed, picking up the note in his hands, and reading. His hands tremble lightly as he does, and his mouth can’t seem to close properly. His breaths are shallow, loud, and he can’t seem to take in air properly.
It takes him four tries to actually comprehend what Billy has written, because his eyes won’t focus. When he finally calms himself down, he reads Billy’s writing over and over again, wondering if this is all some mistake, but knowing that this is real life.
Dom
I love you, but I found my strength.
I’m sorry.
Billy
It feels like Dom can’t breathe. It feels like someone has ripped his heart out, and is now laughing about it. It feels as though Dom has lost years of his life in the last three minutes alone. His breaths turn ragged as his back slumps and he holds his head in his hands, letting the piece of paper drift to the floor. He stares at the ground, unable to even think.
Dom can’t move.
It’s over.
Everything is too quiet.
Everyone has already left, but Dom has chosen to stick around and make sure the house is empty. It might have a tiny bit to do with the fact that he still feels paralyzed in terms of his emotions. Billy’s left him frozen in place, unable to move forward without proper closure, which Dom has a feeling he’s never going to get.
He lingers on the front porch, watching the cars drive by and he wonders what’s going to happen to him from here. He wonders if he’ll ever let the barriers down, if he’s going to make a blockbuster movie again, if he’s going to eat steak for dinner, and if he’s ever going to get the strength to get up and get in that car to drive to the airport.
So far, things are not looking up.
Dom crumples into a sit right there on the front porch, staring forward blankly. In that moment, he realizes that things have finally changed. He wants nothing more than to have them go back, even though he knows that they won’t. It doesn’t stop him from wishing it though.
But Dom has faith. And his faith tells him that Billy is not coming back.
In his heart, Dom knows it’s better that way.
THE END