fellowshippers | Educate Me (DM/EW DM/Sala)

Number 49 in

varietyshow's challenge.
The first line had to be 'Educate me'
I hope you enjoy.

Title: Educate me
Author: LadySunrope
Pairing: DM/EW DM/Sala
Rating: R
Archive: Let me know
Feedback: Appreciated
Disclaimer: Dom went to college, worked on LOTR and knows these people. That's about it as far as truth is concerned. The rest is me.
Thanks to Michelle for beta and Caiden for the challenge that won't let go.

"Educate me..."

"Look mate, I'm no teacher."

"I need to get it right."

"But it doesn't work that way..."

The Mt. Everest of penises waving at me. Sala in all his naked glory.

Yep, thats how I remember it.

Now before you think I'm being unreasonable here, let's set some things out for you to think about.
Education is a very good thing. It's great in the right place at the right time. In Elijah's house, staring at Sala, at 2am is neither of these. I've nothing against education, nothing at all but there are limits. It's a memory I'm not likely to forget in a hurry.

I was educated. Linda at school slapped a kiss on me so wet you'd have thought it was a dishcloth and by the time she'd pressed me to her more than ample boobs and asked me to tell her friends how great it was, I'd have said the earth was flat if she wanted me to. In fact, if it had been flat I'd have jumped off. She was terrifying. I felt the taste of her on me for weeks.

Kevin Sanderson was another matter. He educated me so well my eyes watered, usually because he was kicking the shit out of me. The great Kevin letting the new boy at college know just how real men behaved. Doing drama was not the education real men went for. Got my own back with a few great one liners that left him blinking, mouth open like a fucking fish. Not a very nice thing to say but he wasn't a very nice guy. He felt I should be grateful. I was...grateful to have seen what an arse he was. Metaphorically speaking of course. His arse actually wasn't that bad.

So when it came to matters of the body I'd had educational experiences, but none worth talking about. Then I found out I was working the wrong sort of experiences with the wrong gender. Even then, I didn't really have a teacher. Not when it came to sex. Porn, boyfriends with some experience, some with none. Some I took notice of, others fumbled with me in our joint ignorance. Still I always thought that if you found someone you liked, was turned on to what they wanted - and they wanted to make you happy, things could be really good. Most of the people I shared a bed with were still there next morning so I must have got it right somewhere.

When I got the audition results for Merry I still hadn't found someone who connected. On that different level, y'know? Not that I was looking but it hadn't happened. Not for me.

Lord of the Rings. Now, that was an eye opener. Never saw so many gorgeous men in my life. There was only one openly gay member of the cast but christ there were a few who'd never looked up the dictionary definition of straight either. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't some giant orgy - otherwise how did the movies ever get made?
There were good times though - a bit of a laugh and yeah, some fooling around.

Everytime Viggo opened his shirt Orlando needed another take. Billy and I wound everyone up with all the grabs we made at each other's body parts. Ian stared at Karl like he was something from another world. Sean got high blood pressure. He said it was from the extra weight. We joked it was all the flirting he did with Elijah.

Elijah.
Yeah. He's something else.
We connected on just about every level you could think of and then went round looking for more. You could say he educated me too. Made me see things and look at myself.

When I do look back though, I reckon I got a bit cocky, a bit too full of it. Me and my mouth. Me and my flirting. Me and just about everything that had trouble written all over it. I asked Elijah the other day, was I as much of a prick as I thought, back then? He'd considered the question for the grand total of 3 seconds before he nodded and said "Yup." I think it was the shit eating grin he had on his face when he said it that made me feel all warm inside. Or it could have been the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. Or maybe it's because it was the truth. I was a prick.

This particular trouble started with Sala. He's a great mountain of a lovely man and god, we had a laugh together. We were sat in the pub and we'd had a few. The last two days had been rough and tempers had been frayed. Nothing major that a night out couldn't cure but there were a couple of us that needed some TLC. The thing was, I didn't realise one of them was Elijah. Turns out he was all moody over something I'd said. We'd had a bit of a fight earlier on. He'd said I was always joking and sometimes it was hard to know where the real me was. Now, normally, Elijah wouldn't even take that any further but for some reason he'd started thinking -never a good thing - which was why he was doing this brooding into his drink expression. I didn't cotton on, at all.
I was tired, I was half pissed. Yeah ok, I was cocky. Elijah and I were good together and most times I paid attention. This wasn't one of those times.

I started skitting him for not being in the party mood. Sean told me to back off but I wasn't in the mood to do that. Elijah did this deep sigh and told me to mind my own business. I thought he was my business and told him so. I then got told to fuck off.

As you can see it wasn't the most romantic exchange of all time. Now, when I've had a few, I tend to do exactly the opposite to what I'm told. So I tried to wrap myself round Elijah and do the whiny boyfriend bit. "Yooooo know you love meeee" I crooned down his ear.
"You wish." was the sour reply. Yes, I was irritating the fuck out of him and didn't notice. I didn't notice him going to the bar with Sala or the long discussion they had there. I was too busy undoing my shirt and showing my sexy abs to Billy. I was drunk, it's the only defence I have.

So...Sala. Friend, buddy and as innocent as they come - or so I thought.
A little bit later he opened his mouth and asked, perfectly reasonably, "I need a good teacher."
We thought about that for a moment, couldn't link it to any of the previous conversation so we asked why he wanted one.
"This sex thing." And he grinned his Sala grin that made everyone feel great and convinced anyone who was watching that of course, for sex, why ever not?
We all put our beers down and waited. Sala would get there eventually. He liked to keep us guessing.
He drank noisily, then with a satisfied sigh, he said, "Tried women - love women. Never tried guys."
I made the mistake of putting beer to mouth while Sala was talking. Elijah didn't appreciate the explosion of beer spray that decorated his clothes.
"Jesus, Dom!" The scowl should have warned me but I was buzzed and to be honest the thought of Sala with a guy had just about fried every synapse in my frigging brain. So on I wandered like a lamb to the slaughter.

"Makes it better if you have someone who can show you what's what...even better if you like them too." I thought it was a reasonable thing to say and there were a few nods around the table.
"Awww, Dom, man, you got to teach me, teach me everything you know.." Sala held out his arms to me in this dramatic way and Billy whistled in anticipation.
I knew he wasn't serious but it was a great compliment all the same.
"Sorry, mate, no can do. Got my hands full, you might say."
Sala grinned. " Hands full? I like that picture."
Cue for mass sniggering.
I drew myself up and said with as much dignity I could get together seeing as the room was beginning to spin,
"Sorry, Sala, if I was free I'd be happy to. Trouble is, I've a full time job teaching this one all I know." I nodded in Elijah's direction, grinning.
That was a bad move on my part.
Within five seconds I had a beer poured over my head and the cold sarcasm of a VERY angry Elijah.
"Welcome to unemployment, Dom."

I thought he was taking the mickey but he wasn't. Within 24 hours everyone knew that we weren't an item any more. This was the equivalent of a very cold shower in the earliest hour of the coldest day and I had no idea how to deal with it.
I tried to deal with it. I moped. I sighed. I followed him like an appealing puppy dog.
Christ, if he'd asked me to roll over to let him tickle my stomach I'd have done that in the middle of Wellington.
Trouble was, he didn't.
He ignored me or worse still, he avoided me.
All of a sudden I realised I was in deep shit. Needed my Elijah fix. I didn't like the withdrawal symptoms one bit.
After two days I was crazy.

What I didn't notice was - I seemed to have acquired a new admirer.
Sala was in love or so he said. He said he'd met this guy that was everything he wanted. Witty, good fun and charming even first thing in the morning. I thought it was a windup. I mean who was charming at 5am in Feet?
Turned out Sala's definition of charming was someone who grunted and didn't kill him on sight. Turned out it was me.

He followed me everywhere. If I went to the canteen tent, there he'd be, beaming at me like I was the Second Coming. Actually if I'd known where to go to experience the First one I'd have been more aware of what was going on.
I was seriously in need of a good fuck, only I wanted it with Elijah. I knew I wasn't going to get one so I wanted it even more.
Sala didn't even register.
So canteen. "Hi, Sala.."
Make up trailer. " Sala..?"
On set. "Sala? Why you here?"
On the steps of my trailer. "Piss off, Sala."

Obviously, the lovestruck Maori had problems with his hearing because he did not listen.
"Sala, why are you bothering the shit out of me?"
A reasonable question I thought and this time I got an answer.
"Want you to teach me, Dom. Educate me in all the things you know about guys and sex and lurrrve."
Now anyone else talking like that would have had my suspicions going from the start but Sala had these deep chocolatey eyes you could melt into and a body that would make the dead come to life. He also oozed...innocence. Those words came out of that mouth coated with sincerity. I fell for it.
"OK. I'll teach you all I know if you'll leave me alone. We'll go out for a drink. We'll talk, we'll..."
I didn't get a chance to finish before the guy swept me up into this giant bear hug and my ribs started getting intimate with my frigging backbone.
"Aww, man, you're so COOL! I've got myself a teacher. There's some great sex heading my way!"

Woah! Great sex? I replayed my offer in my head and no, there was no mention of great sex, flattered though I was that he thought it would be.
"Put me down!" I managed to gasp out while he kept on with the "Great sex!" routine.
Turns out he wasn't talking to himself or to me. As he put me down I saw who had just come round the corner. Who was standing there with mouths open.
Billy and ...Elijah.

Billy was the one with the mouth open. Elijah's mouth was sort of pressed together like he was trying to keep something back.
"Erm..hi!" I tried to look as if this happened to me all the time. Occupational hazard of being Dominic Monaghan.
Billy shook his head in disbelief.
Elijah finally spat out the words. "Great sex? Don't get your hopes up, Sala. Takes a while."
Huh? What the...???
I was left at the door to the trailer wondering how a beautiful day ended up with me being insulted by the one person I was nuts over and offering to take Sala out on a bloody date the next evening.

On set the following day, and I had a good moan to my best friend.
"I don't want to go, Billy. It's not fair. I like Sala but not like that y'know?"
Billy was less than helpful. " Well, it's Sala. You can't let him down. He's kind of sensitive that way. He'd mope for weeks."
"What does he expect? I'm no bloody expert. Christ, can't even get it right with Elijah and I'm crazy over him."
"Does he know that?"
"Yeah, course he knows it. I keep telling Sala every time I see him."
"No, yer wazzock, Elijah. Does he know?"

At the time I think my brain cells had gone into hibernation because I thought Billy meant did Elijah know about Sala. Shows how wrong you can be.
"Elijah? Oh, he knows about me and Sala. Think he feels sorry for the guy."
I sighed then because all I wanted to do was sit and have a quiet drink with Elijah and tell him how much I fucking missed him. I didn't even want the boyfriend bit if he wasn't into that any more. I just missed *him*.
"So," Billy looked suitably shy which caught my attention. "You won't mind if we come along and make a foursome?"
"We...?"
"Yeah, Lij and I. We thought we'd give it a go. Y'know how it is, Dommie."
I was so shell shocked I agreed but for some reason I found it hard to talk to Billy for the rest of the takes.
Him and Elijah? No. Just, no. No way.

I brooded on it all night. I watched Sala drink copious amounts of beer and listened to him talking about what he liked about me. He worked from my hair down. It was pretty surreal listening to this guy go on and on about how he wanted to run his fingers through my hair. I got this mental image of Sauron whispering sweet nothings but I was staring at Elijah and Billy at the same time and it didn't seem all that funny.
They were talking and laughing. Then Billy would do this stare in the eyes thing and Elijah would go all quiet. Jesus, was that a blush?
Sala went on about my mouth and the only mouth I was noticing was Elijah's.
The way it quirked when he was interested. He was looking at Billy and he was interested...

"C'mon, I'm eager for my lessons. Let's leave these lovebirds..." Sala staggered upright and pulled at my arm.
Lessons? Lovebirds?
I didn't know what the hell was going on. Things were moving so bloody fast.
"I'll go on ahead to warm the bed. Elijah said we can have his spare room."
How considerate of Elijah. I'd have given him a look if he'd have noticed.

I'll admit it now. I'd every intention of running. Getting back to my place and curling up in a ball and cursing how everything had become so fucked up so fast. If I was ever going to be in a position to get through to Elijah that, yes I was a prick, but I adored him all the same, the window of opportunity was fast disappearing.
If it hadn't gone already.
So I was about to sneak off to the car when I was grabbed from behind.
"Oh no, you do not let that man down."
Elijah on one side and Billy on the other. They looked grim.
"You have some lessons to give, I believe." Billy commented.
"Aww, Bills, no..."
"Feelings are important, thought you might have got that through your thick skull."
Ouch. Elijah was very effective with words at times.

I was literally bundled into Elijah's car and frog marched into the house and into the spare bedroom.
2am and there Sala was, ready and waiting.
Spread out on the bed, glorious in his nakedness.
I tried not to look, I did but it was impossible. He was hung like a bloody bull. I swear it was waving at me.
"C'mon, Dom. Make me beg for it. Show me what you know!"

"We'll leave you to it then." Billy in his most reasonable voice.
"NO!!!" That came out more desperate than I intended it to but pretty much summed it up.
I was rooted to the spot in sheer terror. I did not know what to do.
"You want us to...watch?"
Elijah. Bastard.
I didn't want him to watch. I wanted him to get me out of there in one piece.

I like sex. I like before sex, during sex and after sex.
The thought of sex with Sala at that moment with Billy and, bloody hell, *Elijah* standing at the doorway was more than I could take.
I began to back away. "Sorry, man, this is one huge fucking mistake..."
Sala looked distraught. "Oh God, man, it's me, I've done something."
"No, no, believe me, it's not you," I reassured him as I watched his face crumple. "It's me, all my fault."
"I don't do anything for you. It's my body..." He was sitting there with his legs wide open and it was still waving at me. He looked so hurt.
"No, no, your body's great. I'm sure if I was in the running for another guy I'd be more than willing but the truth is...aw shit, Sala, the truth is, I can't stop thinking about Elijah!"
That was more than I intended to give away but it made no difference.
Suddenly his shoulders were heaving and his head was buried in those massive hands of his and he was wailing.
"Awww, Dom, you promised you'd teach me, you promised..."
"Fuck! Sala, I'm no teacher! I mean look at me and Elijah, I couldn't even get that right..."

I sat down at the side of him, grabbing at the covers and draping them over in an effort to hide the view.
"Look, Sala, everything I said...forget it. It's a load of cobblers anyway. I can't even tell Elijah properly. Me, a teacher? Shit, I need to go to 'How to Talk to Your Boyfriend' classes. All I do is mess and joke. Elijah gets pissed with that and I don't see it. I can't seem to stop and I need to, and...and..."
I got a bit emotional then.
I think it was the drink. Or something.
"I fucked up, Sala. I really fucked up."

Everything went sort of quiet and I remembered who was standing at the doorway.
I have the knack of making sure I open my mouth on a grand scale. I remember I groaned.
Sala then got up, pulled his pants on and clapped me on the back.
"You're cool, man, you're ok. What you need is a good teacher."
I was a bit slow to catch on. I could see Billy grinning like a Cheshire cat and Elijah leaning against the bedroom wall with an expression I couldn't work out.
"A good teacher?"
"Yeah, to help you say what you feel, what you want. I said to Elijah we'd be able to get it out of you."
I stared at him, feeling kind of stupid.
Billy waved Sala over. "Lets leave these to to get on with it."
I was left in the bedroom with Elijah.

"What was that about?"
"Sala reckoned that in times of panic and trouble the human male becomes articulate. That you would finally admit to how you feel about me rather than making endless fucking jokes about it."
"Ah. You and Sala and Billy. Working together. That's a bloody scary thought."
"It worked, didn't it?"
I couldn't argue. "What now?"
He walked over to me. I couldn't read his expression.
"You start a new period in your education. How to treat your boyfriend."
His hand pressed against my chest and he pushed me back onto the bed.
"First lesson. Meet the teacher."
Before I could say anything in response, his mouth was on mine.

You can never have too much education. Just thought I'd tell you.

Educate Me (DM/EW DM/Sala)

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