fellowshippers | If I Die (part 12) (Reply)

Title: If I Die (12/14)

Pairing: Dom/Billy

Rating: R?

Disclaimer: So glad this isn’t true.

Feedback: Is very appreciated. Okay I’m a whore for it. Smooches to all those who have given such lovely feedback so far.

Warning: Angst. Slight insinuation of non-consensual sexual situations. As ever, despite the title, there is no death.

Summary: Billy’s interview, continued.

A/N: Hugs and chocolate to my friend and beta, canciona who makes it all better.

Prologue, Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9a / Part 9b / Part 10 / Part 11

Chapter 12

Dom lifts his head sharply and raises his eyebrows until the FBI agent finally snaps the tape recorder off.

“Why don’t we take a break then?” the agent says curtly.

“Yes, I believe I said that already. Dick,” Dom mumbles, not bothering to lower his voice. He turns back to Billy with concerned eyes. “Are you okay, Bills?”

“Dom, he’s only doing his job.” Billy wants to reprimand him but he’s grateful for the break all the same. He puts his sore hand up to stroke Dom’s face delicately. He scans the large bruise on the back of his hand where his I.V. used to be and wonders when the very last of his markings from this whole nightmare will finally fade – when he will no longer carry any physical evidence to remind either himself or Dom of what happened. Or more importantly, what could have happened.

“How are you? I mean how are you really?” His eyes search Dom’s. Billy takes note of the hint of wetness there.

Dom takes Billy’s hand from his face and kisses the inside of his palm. “Don’t worry about me, love. Don’t you worry about me.” They stare at one another, not caring about the other people in the room, each more concerned for the other than for himself. Billy feels stronger for having Dom there and right now there’s no one else in the world that matters except the man in front of him. The man he loves with all his heart; the man he knows he’s slowly killing with this interview.

“Do you want something to drink?” Dom asks after a while.

“That’d be lovely. Some juice then, please.”

“Be right back,” Dom gives a hard look to the agents. “Don’t start until I’m back, yeah?”

Billy leans back and shuts his eyes, thinking to himself that he’s only gotten through reliving the first couple of days of his abduction. “Bloody hell,” he whispers out loud.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dom walks into the waiting room, knowing that Elijah will be there. Hoping that he’s there.

“Where’s Margaret?” Dom asks, eyes sweeping the empty room.

“She went to the cafeteria,” Elijah says, putting down his magazine and standing up to meet him. “Dommie?”

Dom shakes his head and lets out a sob as Elijah gathers him into a hug, oblivious to what Dom’s just heard, but knowing it had to have been heart-wrenching.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Alright, Mr. Boyd. Are you ready to continue?”

Billy looks at Dom, aware of his red-rimmed eyes, before facing the agents again with a determined look. “Aye. I suppose we have to.”

The agent who is asking the questions simply nods and switches the tape recorder back on as the other FBI agent and Detective McNamara look on.

“Now, you said there was only one incident where you were touched sexually and you were punched in the face during that time. Is that correct?”

I’m going to fuck you until you bleed, you little shit.

“Mr. Boyd? Was that the only incident?”

“Ehm, yes, but…”

You’d like that, wouldn’t you? And there’s no one to help you. No one will know. Except you and me. And you’ll get off. Oh yes, you will. I’ll make you scream.

“Billy? What is it?” Dom gives Detective McNamara a worried look. Billy’s now clutching his hand for dear life. He’s clearly so uncomfortable with what he’s thinking about and on the one hand Dom wants him to let it out, but if he can’t even bring himself to say the words-

“No, that was the only time. He touched me and asked if that’s how my boyfriend liked to do it. But he threatened to touch me again. Repeatedly,” Billy says quickly.

“But he never touched you sexually after that one time in the shower?”

Next time we’re alone. Next time, Billy-boy.

“No, but-”

“So you were sexually assaulted once.”

“But I lived in constant fear he would do it again! He threatened me over and over.” Billy sounds on the verge of tears.

A small sound escapes from Dom’s mouth, despite his best efforts to sit silently by Billy’s side.

“Mr. Boyd, I understand this was traumatic for you. For right now we need to get to the facts of what actually happened. Trust us, we have enough evidence to convict. This is just an official statement from you. Does that make sense?”

And when I touch your dick, you’ll think of your little boyfriend and how much you like having my hands all over you instead. Does he touch you like this? I’ll show you. Next time, next time, Billy-boy.

Billy suddenly appears to regain his self-control, but it turns to bitterness almost as quickly as he speaks to the FBI agent in an eerily steady voice. “So let me get this straight. Asking me if Dom touches me like that whilst he was molesting me, doesn’t interest you. When he told me that he was going to touch my dick and make me forget my boyfriend, or that he would fuck me until I bled the next time he saw me, these are things that you don’t find important?”

Dom touches Billy’s arm. Those words, what had he said? He wanted to touch Billy and make him forget his boyfriend? Fuck him until he bled? “Billy?” he says, his voice filled with anguish.

Billy looks down at Dom who’s been sitting so quietly by his side, listening to this. It’s so very hard for him as well, and Billy knows. But no one seems to get that. They’re so clinical and callous about it. Meanwhile, Billy’s dying inside and he can’t even imagine how Dom must feel. He mouths, “I’m so sorry, I love you” to Dom before the FBI agent addresses him once more.

“Mr. Boyd, please. We want to make this easier-”

“Get out. Now,” Billy says to the agent, his eyes still on Dom. He shakes his head and turns once again to face the men in suits, waiting to question him.

“I will write out a formal statement if I have to, with just the facts, but I’m not going to sit here and let you gloss over what happened to me like it didn’t matter because in the end, those are the things I will remember. The words he said, the way I was humiliated, blindfolded, kept in the dark – literally. These are the things I will remember for the rest of my life. Not whether I can pick them out of a line-up, not whether I was actually shot or raped. But the fact that for months I lived in constant fear that any second those things could happen. The fact that I want to talk about that more than how I was punched and kicked and beaten should tell you something. These scars, the broken bones and ribs – those will heal. But you tell me how the bloody fuck I’m supposed to sleep at night without hearing his voice in my head, or how I’m supposed to shower without remembering the feel of his rough hands on my body? Can you do that? I didn’t think so. So no, I guess you can’t make it easier.” Tears stream down Billy’s face as he finishes, leaving Dom and everyone else in the room at a loss for words.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Is it over already?” Margaret asks as Dom walks into the waiting room. It’s now full of other people with their own concerns for the people that they love. They take no notice of Dom.

“Well, yes and no. It got to be too much for him so we’ll work something out where he can submit a written statement or be interviewed by someone else. That guy just rubbed Billy the wrong way,” Dom says as he runs a hand over his eyes – exhausted. He doesn’t like lying to Margaret, but he knows the last thing Billy wants is to worry her. And she would be worried, which is why Dom waited until Billy calmed down before coming out to speak to her. She would want to see Billy straight away.

“Is he okay?” Margaret notices for the first time since he’s walked in how pale Dom looks; how incredibly shocked and sad. She knew this wouldn’t be easy on him, being in the room with her brother. But this is different. Dom looks positively lost.

“I hate to ask this but could you go to the house, Elijah, and well, get rid of everyone? Just for today. Billy’s not up to it and I think it would overwhelm him right now,” he ask, genuinely sorry because he knows how far people have come to be here today, and how much they’re looking forward to seeing Billy after all this time.

“Done, Dom. Don’t worry,” Elijah says, digging in his jeans pocket. “Here, take my car. I’ll catch a cab. Your house will be back to normal by the time you bring Billy back there.”

Margaret looks between Elijah and Dom. “Dom, I’ll go with Elijah. I’ll stay at a hotel. You and Billy need to be alone.”

“No, Margaret. Billy wouldn’t want you to go,” Dom says.

“I’m not leaving for good. Just giving you guys space. I’ll call you with the number to where I’m staying and if either of you need anything, I’ll be there.” Margaret kisses Dom’s cheek. “I’ll just go say good-bye to Bill.”

Elijah makes sure Margaret is gone before he speaks to Dom. “Tell me, Dommie. What the hell happened in there?”

“Lij…” Dom trails off. He stares ahead, remembering what Billy said about thinking everyday that he was going to be raped. About that filthy bastard touching his Billy, talking to him about Dom. “Lijah, I just – I just can’t. I have to take care of him now. It’s my fault he went through that-”

“Dom-”

“No, Lij, it is. If I hadn’t made him come back for that stupid party…he came back for me and for me only. Or if I’d stuck with him that night, then maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t have spent the last two months worried to death about being raped or shot.”

“Oh God, are you serious, Dommie?”

“They touched him, Lij. They actually touched Billy,” Dom nearly shouts, trying too hard to accept the words he’s saying to cry. A few people turn and stare.

“I’m so, so sorry, Dom. Fucking hell.” Elijah puts one hand over his mouth to muffle his own cries as he hugs Dom tightly to him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Well, Billy. Welcome home,” Dom says with a sad smile as they enter the house they’d called “home” together for nearly a year. It’s bitter-sweet because he’s so happy to have Billy home, and yet he’s not entirely sure how Billy feels about being there again.

“It feels really good to be home. Really good.” Billy looks around the living room. It looks like nothing’s changed. All the furniture is exactly where it always was. It even smells the same. But somehow it feels different. The room seems oddly quiet – even sad in a way. And then it occurs to Billy that for many months there must have been an incredible amount of sadness in this room and it lingers there for Billy to feel now.

“There are lots of people who want to see you, Billy,” Dom says as he notices Billy looking at the ‘Welcome Home’ sign over the doorway that Elijah must have missed.

“Aye. I miss our friends so much. But tonight I just want to sleep. I want to forget about today, Dommeh.”

“I know, Billy. I know. People will continue to be nuisances until we let them in. Believe me, I know this bunch,” Dom chuckles. “Can’t get rid of them, they just keep coming back. Persistent little buggers, but that’s why we love ‘em, eh?”

“That we do.” Billy smiles at Dom and kisses him on the cheek before sitting on the couch. The simple action, something they’ve done no less than a million times before, is a shock to Dom. He doesn’t deserve Billy’s affections. He must take care of him, make him better. Nothing more right now.

Dom sits next to Billy on the couch. “Would you like to take something to help you sleep? I’m sure one of these pills is for that. In addition to your pain meds,” Dom says as he empties several pill bottles onto his lap from a paper bag, examining them closely. “Are you in pain now? I think it’s time for your next dose of whatever pill makes you high as a kite,” Dom says, teasingly, trying to make Billy smile.

“To be honest, my ribs are killing me. My stitches are itching as well. I’d like whatever you’ve got there, please.”

“Alright, Bills. But you have to eat a little something first or you’ll be nauseous. Remember the doctor said that? Let me make you some toast, you eat that, and then you can take your medication. While you’re eating I’ll just have a quick shower. The one in your room sucked and I haven’t changed my clothes in, what, two days? I must smell fucking awesome.”

“I think you do,” Billy says, smiling genuinely at Dom, glad to be joking, even if just a bit.

“Right then – some food for you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dom returns to the living room to find both slices of toast he’d given Billy gone.

“Wow, I’m impressed. Thought I’d have to fight you on that,” he says as he points to the empty plate. He’s changed into a short-sleeved shirt and shorts and for the first time Billy notices how positively thin Dom’s gotten.

“Dom – look at you. You’ve lost so much weight.” Billy is still staring at Dom’s body as he sits beside him, taking care to count out the pills Billy will need.

“Well, don’t worry about me. Now here, take these,” Dom says, handing four small pills and Billy’s remaining juice over.

“Ta, Dommeh,” Billy says, taking the juice and swallowing all his pills in one go.

Dom closes the pill bottles carefully. “That should make you feel better, eh? Should be fast asleep in no time. I reckon-” He looks up suddenly as the glass Billy was holding falls to the coffee table and shatters.

“Billy?” Dom looks at Billy face and a moment of panic immediately sets in. Billy’s gone quiet, his eyes wide with shock. He’s staring at Dom’s arms, and more specifically at Dom’s scars, which are so exposed. So raw. So awful.

“Dom. What’s this?” Billy whispers as he traces a finger gently along the large, red scar that now runs down the length of Dom’s arm.

“Nothing,” Dom says, lamely, pulling his arm away and scolding himself for not wearing long sleeves.

“Y-you did that to yourself.” It’s meant to be a question but it’s more of a statement. A terrifying realisation. Dom looks over in time to see a single tear run down Billy’s face.

Dom can’t think of anything to say, so he just stares at the broken glass. He’s ashamed. Not only does Billy have his own ordeal to go through, but now he’s gone and included his own crap into the mix. He can’t stop being a disappointment and God, all he wants is to make Billy feel better. Now he’s made him cry.

You’re a right selfish bastard, Dominic.

The silence threatens to overwhelm Dom but he can’t seem to think of anything to say to Billy that would make this better. He’s made him sad, he knows that. Billy moves closer to him so that the length of their bodies are touching.

“I’m so sorry, Dom,” Billy whispers over and over, still stroking Dom’s arm.

He can feel hot tears on his shoulder where Billy’s laid his head. No, I won’t cry. It’s not fair to Billy. What I did was on purpose. Billy’s scars – he didn’t have a choice. I don’t deserve sympathy.

Billy lifts his head to look at Dom and leans in to kiss him on the mouth. Dom reacts without thinking and jumps off the sofa in such a quick motion that he frightens Billy.

“Let’s get you to bed. You must be exhausted,” Dom says, without looking at him, but holding his hand out nonetheless. Billy takes his hand and lets Dom lead him to the bedroom. He carefully adjusts the covers around Billy and watches as his eyelids get heavier and heavier.

“Lay next to me, Dommeh,” Billy says in a sleepy voice.

“I’m not going anywhere, Billy. I promise you that,” he says. Billy’s asleep within seconds and Dom perches himself Indian-style at the edge of the bed and watches over him, never moving, for hours.

If I Die (part 12)

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