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Title: If I Die (Part 6)

Pairing: Dom/Billy

Rating: R for mild violence and swearing.

Disclaimer: So glad this isn’t true.

Feedback: It's my new addiction. *hugs* to everyone who's commented so far.

Warning: Angst. However, despite the title, there is no death.

Summary: Billy’s still missing and his situation is desperate.

A/N: To my wonderful friend and beta canciona, as usual. She keeps me sane enough that I can continue writing this fic.

Prologue, Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

“It’s not enough time. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be,” he thinks bitterly as he signs his name to the letter. Billy doesn’t know how he can be expected to put all that he feels for his loved ones in one sodding letter. He’s not the writer; no, that’s always been Dom. Dom would have written something more profound and poetic on his hand in the last ten minutes than Billy could have written in days. In the end, he realises that no matter what he writes, or what Dom could write, they add up to the same thing: Billy loves him, loves his friends, loves his family and he hasn’t stopped thinking about them for one minute whilst he’s been here. They’ll know that because they know him. While their Billy is a private person and not overtly emotional, he holds the people in his life close to his heart. He has no regrets about not telling those he loves exactly how much they mean to him.

Dom, above all, will know that he was the one thing Billy held on to during his worst moments here. Dom will know Billy loves him because he’s the other half of his soul. Yes, Dom will know what he feels because Dom feels it too.

Billy consoles himself with these thoughts as he hands over the letter.

“So that’s it then, is it?” He keeps the pen firmly in his hand, subconsciously not wanting to relinquish the last line of communication he may have with anyone he cares for. She’s close enough now that he can see the colour of her eyes and takes note of the fact that like his own, they’re bright green.

“I’m just going to hold on to it. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just in case.” But her voice hitches and Billy knows she isn’t telling the truth. April takes the letter from Billy and folds it without reading it before putting it in her pocket.

“How long have you been together?” She doesn’t know why she asks. There’s something about the way Dom had spoken in earnest about finding Billy that intrigues her. He seemed so passionate, so desperate to find his boyfriend. April loves Jay more than anything, but the devotion she sees each time Dom is interviewed goes beyond any kind of love that she knows. Were it a choice between Billy’s life or Dom’s, it was clear Dom would give up his own for Billy. He’d said it on television for the whole world to hear. No pretense, no drama. That’s just the way things are with them, she thinks, and she wonders if Jay feels that strongly for her.

“About two years. But we’ve been friends for closer to five.” Billy tells her, not taking his eyes from hers which are still surrounded by a black scarf to cover her face. He decides that now is the time to press for information.

“What about you? Are you with one of the men here?” He prays that he doesn’t offend her, or scare her off.

“Yeah, I am. About 9 years. Since we were 15. That’s a long time.” Her voice goes quiet. “He’s not a bad man. He’s kind, he just gets into situations sometimes.”

“This is a little more than a situation, if you don’t mind me saying. Do you think this is okay, me being here? Do you do this a lot? Hold people prisoner, then?” The questions flow before he can stop them. He doesn’t mean to be antagonistic. He can’t think straight anymore. His desperation and sense that something bad is about to happen are what dominates his actions now. ‘Play-it-safe, follow-the-rules’ Billy has gone and in his place ‘Get-the-hell-home-to-Dominic-no-matter-what’ Billy is who is left.

“Of course not!” Clearly, Billy’s upset her. Shite.

“I have to get back upstairs. They’ll be home soon.” Her body language looks tense even in the dim light shining in from the hallway.

“You’ll keep the letter, won’t you?” He rushes to say before she leaves.

April looks back at him once more. He’s so beautiful, she thinks.

“Of course I will.”

This is a nightmare. Please, let this be a nightmare that I can wake from, safe, in my own bed, warm and in Dom’s arms.

In the hallway April removes the letter from her pocket and reads it. Tears stream down her face as she’s hit with the realisation that this isn’t a game. Nor is it something they can fix now. They’ve truly ruined lives, she’s been a part of that, and there’s no going back.

“I’m going to take care of everything baby.” Jay’s words are slurred and he’s slumped on the sofa, the bottom half of his body nearly on the floor.

“Jay, are you high again?” April is scared right now. He hasn’t used anything since the day he and Tony had taken Billy. She knows he can’t sleep any better at night than she can thinking about what they’re going to do now that the plan to extort ransom has been abandoned but he’d promised he wouldn’t do any more drugs. He promised her.

“We’re gonna do it soon, ya know. All be over. Tony has it planned…”

Her heart pounds in her chest so hard she has to sit down. She knew this was coming, but not quite so soon. Or maybe she’s in denial. Maybe she knew all along that this day was drawing near. She couldn’t bring herself to speak to Billy in the past few days. She’d brought him food and left before he could say anything. She thought she would scream if she looked at him or heard his voice. She’d not even brought him food in the past two days, and she knew neither Tony nor Jay had been down to bring Billy to the bathroom today.

“When?”

“Dunno. Tomorrow probably. Gonna take him to that spot on the Redondo Beach pier we used to make out on. Can’t go there anymore! Don’t want to be seeeen.” He draws out the last word and laughs, his face so close to hers.

“You’re just going to give him something to pass out and then leave him somewhere where someone can find him, right? Jay?” His eyes are glaze over, then shut, and she recognises that look. He’s no longer conscious and won’t be for hours. She shakes him harshly, but it’s no us. April moves his tall, but slim frame so that’s he’s laid out on the couch. She stares down at his face, his features more pale and sunken than she can recall ever seeing.

A voice startles her from the doorway. “You’re such a stupid cunt.”

“What are you doing here, Tony? Go home.” April does not want to be alone with him and Jay, she knows, will not wake until morning at the earliest.

“You think we’re going to just let him walk away so he can identify us later on? So we can sit here for the rest of our lives waiting for the police to come? Hmm? Is that what you think, you stupid bitch?”

‘N-no. I just think if you get caught it will be worse if Billy’s hurt-” She pleads.

“Well I didn’t ask you what you think, did I?” His voice is cool and collected, as it always is. Not the way it’s meant to be when one discusses kidnapping and murder.

“Just don’t get in the way and Jay and I will take care of everything. Then he can go back to being a nobody who sells drugs and you can go back to being his good little girlfriend. And I can finally pretend I never knew you worthless pieces of shit. Just as soon as we get rid of the evidence.”

He smiles at April as he leans down to her so that they’re face-to-face. He cups her cheek softly at first, then grabs her by the back of the neck and pulls her towards him. She looks into his eyes, so dark they could be black, as her own eyes respond with fear.

“You better stay out of it or I’ll get rid of you too.” He smiles again, a cold smile that makes the hair on her neck stand on end.

Billy’s wrists are bleeding.

He tries in vain to get one hand free but it’s no use. He hasn’t eaten in days, he thinks it’s been days, and he’s nauseous in such a way he’s never felt in his life. He has to use the bathroom but he senses no one will come down today. For the first time since he’s been here, they haven’t brought him to use the bathroom. This doesn’t seem like a good sign to Billy. He knows why they’d taken care of him all this time – they simply couldn’t get any ransom money if he were dead. That seems to have changed now. Even April hasn’t spoken to him the last few times she’s been down to bring him food, and now that’s stopped too. Billy had hoped she might be his way out.

If I don’t try to get out of here now, I will die.

He hears footsteps upstairs but no one comes. The familiar burning in his eyes overwhelms him as he thinks of his sister Margaret. They’ve been so close since their parents’ death so many years ago, it’s hard to imagine not being here for her. He knows Dom will care for her when Billy cannot. But who will care for Dom?

The tears flow freely now as he thinks about his family and friends, in pain, and without him. He’s helpless now to stop them from feeling the pain they feel. Surely by now they must think he’s dead. And they may be right – soon enough – he thinks, despairingly. Never had he or Dom thought either of them would die young. They’d always talked about being old and living in New Zealand, possibly where they’d raised their children. Not only are his dreams being taken away now, but those of Dom as well.

Billy struggles harder as he thinks about Dom and their last trip to Scotland.

They walked along the quiet graveyard, both of them treading softly as though their footsteps would disturb the tranquillity of the bright blue morning here. Dom looks around and wonders about all of them. Who they were, how much they still meant to the people they had left behind.

“Over here, Dom.”

Dom walked over to where Billy is knelt by two small, simple, grey headstones placed side-by-side. Both bearing the name ‘Boyd’.

Dom knelt down next to Billy and took his hand in his. Billy’s head is lowered and Dom felt, rather than saw, the tears fall from his eyes. He held on to his hand tightly as Billy’s mouth moved with words that Dom wasn’t meant to hear.

Finally, Billy lifted his head and looked at Dom. His eyes were wet and he smiled before turning back to face his parents.

“And this is Dominic. He takes very good care of me so watch over him too, okay?”

Dom smiled at Billy and hugged him tightly, at a loss for words in that moment.

As they walked away after Billy had said goodbye, Dom sensed there was something Billy wanted to say. He was fidgety and kept glancing at Dom when he thought he wasn’t looking.

“Bill, talk to me.”

“I’m not sure how to say this, Dom.” Billy looked for all the world like he was about to give Dom some very bad news and Dom found he couldn’t walk anymore all of a sudden.

“You better tell me soon because you’re scaring me.” Billy could see dread in Dom’s eyes as they stood facing each other in the still-quiet of the cemetery.

“Well, it’s just that – you know my home is with you, wherever you are. But, if I happen to die before you-”

“Billy, don’t. Please. Just don’t.” Dom shook his head and started walking away slowly.

Billy reached out and held Dom’s arm to stop him from leaving this conversation that he needed to have. “Just listen for a minute. If I should die before you and you are the one making the arrangements, I want you to know that I want to be buried here. In Scotland. With my parents.”

Dom looked into Billy’s eyes and sighed. “OK love, whatever you want.”

“You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be angry?” Dom took Billy’s hand and started walking towards the car.

“Well, I don’t know. Would you want to be buried in England?”

Dom stopped again, took Billy’s face gently in both hand and said, “Billy, if I have to bury you here, in your home, in Scotland then that’s where they will have to bury me too. Because that will also be the day that I die.”

Billy nodded, knowing exactly what Dom meant.

He stops straining under his binds because he’s getting no where and he knows it. He leans his head back, exhausted and prays to his mum and dad. “Watch over him for me, now, when I cannot.”

“Billy? Billy, you have to wake up.”

Billy’s eyes open and he sees a woman standing over him that he’s never seen before. Or at least he thinks at first that he’s never seen her, and then he looks at her eyes.

“You’re not wearing your scarf,” he says, still in a sleep-inertia state.

She doesn’t respond to his statement, and she keeps her voice low and her face close to Billy’s so he can hear her when she does finally speak. He sees tears on her face as he listens intently to her words.

“I don’t know what we’ve done,” she sobs, barely managing to keep her voice quiet. “I walk around and I can’t stop thinking about how crazy this is, it’s like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from, and no matter what happens things can’t go back to the way they were because we’ve done this horrible thing and what kind of people do this-”

Billy tries to sit up, though it’s uncomfortable and clumsy with his wrists tied to the metal frame of the headboard, still sore from his previous struggle. He senses imminent danger though because she is distraught, and Billy thinks for the first time that maybe she wants to help him but cannot. She may be in just as much danger as he is.

“Calm down, okay? Is anyone upstairs?” He notices that she’s playing with something in her hand though he can’t quite see what it is.

“Jay’s passed out. He probably won’t wake up but I can’t stay here, he’ll freak out if he wakes up-”

“Jay?”

“Yes, Jay, he’s my boyfriend. And my name is April. I’m sorry, Billy, I’m so very sorry.” She finally loses the ability to speak.

Billy suspects she’s not apologising solely for the past. “April, tell me what’s happening. What’s going to happen to me?”

But April can’t speak at all and Billy just stares at her. He wants to comfort her, strange as that feeling is, but it doesn’t matter because he’s incapable of moving.

“April, shhhh, please. We don’t want to wake Jay. Can you help me? Can you help me get out of here?”

She looks up at him, her eyes bloodshot but her voice finally calms. “I want to help you get out of here Billy, but Tony, Jay’s friend, the other man who kidnapped you – he will kill me if I do.” Her words trip over one another and she looks at Billy, pleadingly. He wonders, briefly, how it is that he’s been tied to a bed for nearly two months and he’s somehow expected to rescue someone else.

The logical part of Billy’s brain finally takes charge. “What do you have in your hand, April?”

She looks down at her lap, still shielding it from Billy’s view and he notices that she’s shaking as though physically fighting to keep the words in. But she fails.

“My phone. It’s my cell phone.”

Billy’s heart races and he actually attempts to reach for it before she has a chance to change her mind. But his restraints remind him that he can’t go anywhere.

“You’ve brought it for me to use?”

“Billy, please. Help me get you out of here without anyone finding out.” She trusts Billy, and Billy doesn’t know how he’s going to do it but he’s going to damn well try.

“April, shut the door, quickly.” She does as she’s told and returns to the bed and sits close to Billy.

“You have to untie me so I can dial.” She nods and undoes just one of his binds.

“I can’t untie you completely yet-”

“It’s okay. Now give me the phone, love. Don’t be scared.”

She hesitates slightly, but gives him the phone anxiously. Billy holds the phone, his own body shaking so violently he wants to scream at himself to calm down.

He flips the phone open with one hand and dials. As he presses ‘Send’ he realises that the number he’s dialled is not ‘911’. But he’s not surprised, nor does he regret it. He holds the phone to his ear and listens as he looks into April’s face, inches from his own, her eyes wide with shock. He mouths, ‘It will be alright’ just as the line on the other end is answered.

“Hello?” Billy is so overwhelmed at the sound of Dom’s voice, he doesn’t even register that April has left his side.

“Dom!! Listen to me, okay? Listen to me. I don’t kno-”

Suddenly there’s a loud crash that startles Billy so badly he drops the phone on the floor but the sound is masked. He looks at the doorway in time to see a very large, furious man grab April by the arm and slap her across the face so hard she falls to the floor, screaming. As the man lunges at April, now helpless on the floor, Billy reaches down, picks up the phone and closes it before sliding it under his pillow, without being seen.