Bitch Buddy 4/?, Craig/Orli, R

[http://users.livejournal.com/nixxie_/]

Title: Bitch Buddy 4/?
Author: Nixxie + Gypsy
Pairings: Craig/Orli
Rating: R
Archive: Beyond the Fellowship and http://www.livejournal.com/users/nixxie_/
E-mail addresses for feedback: nitika754a@yahoo.com + kejazofi@wolfenet.com
Disclaimers: Not ours. Simple as that! The fact that we wish they were is beside the point!
Warnings: Real Person Slash – meaning these are based on real people, whether they really do this stuff is not known by us.



Orlando wasn't sure what to make of Craig's behaviour, or of the look on his
face. Maybe it was because the young man had already written off the fact
that Craig could feel anything for him. It was the last words though--those
words got Orlando's attention, but he looked at Craig incredulously.

~Falling in love with me?~

"What?" he finally stated, voice uncertain. "You're what?"

This all felt so surreal. It was the very thing Orlando had been longing to
hear--that maybe Craig could ever feel even slightly what he felt, but he
wasn't sure it was what he wanted to hear now. No, that wasn't true, he
still wanted to hear it--he just wasn't sure that was enough. Orlando
wasn't sure what to say, how to react to this. What did Craig expect?
That he would just smile and throw himself into his arms? After what had
happened? What angered Orlando more though was that was exactly what he
*wanted* to do...

_+_+_+_+_+

"Because....beca...." And Craig saw the look in Orli's eyes,
unbelieving, uncertain, and all the anxiety in Craig's body doubled,
like every bit of his skin was on fire and yet freezing cold at the
same time. //Oh god! What have I done? How the hell could he want me
after what's happened between us? How could he possible have meant
what he said...oh fuck!// His eyes trailed to the floor again, almost
hurt look written all over his face. Craig suddenly found he
couldn't even find his calm, not even in the guise of Haldir, the cool
Elf of Lothlorien. The butterflies in his chest grew, breathing
almost raggedly.

"...I've fucked it all up...haven't I? I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have...I mean...how could you? With me...?"

_+_+_+_+_+

Orlando just stared at Craig in disbelief. Craig was saying the
things he had wanted to hear all along, but why now? Why after
having treated him so horribly? Orlando was terribly confused, not
sure how to react. Part of him wanted to simply forget everything
that had happened and just go with this, just accept it. Another
part couldn't though--that part informed him he did have some pride,
and he shouldn't let himself be jerked around like this. Have some
dignity, it told him.

"Craig I don't know..." It was the best he could come up with, and it
sounded so terribly lame. "I don't understand...."

_+_+_+_+_+

//I don't know? Oh please don't say that, Jesus Christ please
don't...//

"I'm sorry, I just...I don't understand myself. Last week, yes, I did
just pick you up for some fun, I thought that was all you wanted too.
I'm sorry if I disappointed you... But I can't get you out of my head,
you're driving me crazy inside. I’ve never felt like this about
anybody, never let myself get attached to anyone. And I never wanted
to hurt you... Please believe me on that..."

One hand reached out, almost shyly touching Orli's arm, fingers just
gently running over supple leather.

His eyes dropped, worried frown on his brow, just staring at his
fingers touching Orli.

"And now I've acted stupidly because...because I was scared."
Swallowing deeply, sad tone to his voice, "And I don't blame you for
hating me. Lots of other people do too. What I am doesn't exactly
blend itself into being good mates with people. I'm sorry if I've
offended you, or hurt you"

The fingers removed themselves sadly and Craig moved back a fraction,
as if he was going to move away, eyes still lowered, not wanting to
humiliate himself further by looking at Orli.

_+_+_+_+_+

Orlando watched Craig, felt safe watching since the man wouldn't meet
his eyes. His gaze followed the hand on his arm, the fingers
brushing lightly--it made him tremble even through leather. Not so
much the feeling, as the memory of feeling. The younger man took a
deep breath, trying to control himself, to not let that make him
agree to or admit to more. He listened to Craig's words though. He
had wanted nothing more than to hear the word love uttered from Craig
in reference to him, but now it was confusing, not desirable. What
did that mean? What good would it do him if Craig still bedded
everything that came his way. Orli couldn't find his voice with
Craig touching him, with that smooth voice talking--smooth and
uncertain now. He wasn't used to seeing Craig so uncertain. It was
unsettling. It spoke to him more than he wanted it to.

When Craig stopped and removed his hand, the spell was broken.
Orlando looked up again when the man took a step back, chewing his
lip still. He clutched his bow to his chest, as if it would ward off
whatever was happening. Finally Orlando sighed.

"I don't," he began, then glanced around. Reaching out, he took
Craig by the shoulder and pulled him from the tent, off around the
side, so they could at least have a modicum of privacy. "I don't
hate you. I just... I'm not sure what it means when you say you're
falling in love with me Craig. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take
that or how I can react to it. I just..." Orlando frowned
slightly, searching for words. "I need to say a few things and I
need time to think, and after I say what I'm going to--I think you
will, too."

Long fingers troubled the wood of the bow that Orlando still held,
trying to put his thoughts into order.

"You've said you think you're falling in love with me--and you have
no idea how much I've wanted to hear that, but Craig--I can't be
yours if you're everybody else's." Maybe that sounded a bit harsh,
but it was true, wasn't it? "I can't even try to go into this if
that's the case. I don't care who you've slept with..." Okay, not
the total truth, but Orlando was willing to make it past bygones, it
wasn't overly his concern. "...I care about who you sleep with from
here on out. We need to talk and I want us to go out or stay in,
where we can do that, just us. When we're done here, I'd like to go--
we can get some sleep, no sex, just sleep, and then try to figure
things out. Or if you'd like to wait a few days or something, that's
fine too. But Craig, if you fuck anyone or get fucked before we can
have this talk--please just don't show up, just stand me up and let
me know that's how it is."

Orlando wasn't looking at Craig now, couldn't as he said the last
part.

"I need a gesture that I'm important enough to you that you can maybe
do that for me, until we can really talk about this. Until I can let
myself give into any kind of hope"

The younger man stood, waiting nervously for Craig's reply. The man
might just tell him to fuck off, that he wasn't going to do it. If that was
the case though, Orlando needed to know now, before he let
himself get even more hurt by this than he already was.

_+_+_+_+_+

Craig let himself be lead away from prying eyes, an unusual tingling
in his shoulder from the barest touch of Orlando. And
then he listened, stood patiently though a thousand thoughts and
questions sprang to his mind, //Oh Christ this is so much more, much
more than I'd ever thought about. He...he wanted to hear me say that,
so he must like me mustn't he? I mean...more than like me and
ohh... No sex.//

//Just him. Can I do that? But I want to, I want him, I want just to
be able to grow to love him. So I can do it. I must.//

//I have to be able to do this.//

//I want to.//

"Yes." He blurted out before he could stop himself, then a slight
grin, looking bashful at his own outburst. "I mean..." His fingers
reached out slowly, placing themselves over Orli's on his bow,
stilling them, clasping over them. "I want to try...for you. But for
me too. I want to be important to you. I want...I want to be good
enough for you. No matter how hard it is. Please believe me Orlando."
He took a hard breath, trying to steady himself. "You're what I want."

He knew he probably wasn’t making all that amount of sense right
now, talking about emotions was something he'd never done in real
life before, sure in job roles, or reading from a script. But this was
the first time he'd ever said anything like that, the first time he'd
actually opened his heart to someone.

_+_+_+_+_+

Orlando watched Craig consider, holding his breath, half afraid that
he would tell him no flat out right now. Somehow, it would hurt less
if he at least had to *think* about the decision to walk away from
this...Maybe he was fooling himself, but still he was uncertain.

Suddenly though, Craig was blurting out an affirmative and rambling
on. It actually did make sense to Orlando though, and he felt bad if
he had made Craig feel like he wasn't enough for him, it wasn’t that--
it wasn't about not being enough. Or was it? The bashful smile was
enough to melt Orlando where he stood though.

And what Craig did have to say, it made Orlando feel somewhat
better. He couldn't let himself completely embrace it yet,
not yet--still too afraid of getting his feelings trampled all over.

"Craig, I want you to tell me yes again after you have had some time
to really think about it," Orlando said quietly, moving his fingers
from under Craig's grasp, to simply take them back in his own again,
not wanting the man to think he was rejecting everything he had just
said. "I need you to be sure. Will you meet me tonight, once we're
done?"

_+_+_+_+_+

Craig felt a horrible pang in his chest as Orli took his fingers
away, told him to think about it more //What if he was only joking,
stringing me along for a prank? What if he...?// But then the fingers
returned, took hold of his, warm digits covering his. Craig smiled at
Orli, eyes almost glowing in the lights from the rig far above their
heads, nodding.

"Okay, tonight, well, early morning anyway. This schedule is still
flummoxing me! And I'll think about it all, I really will."

//But I won't change my mind.//



tbc…