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ex-awkwardjo569.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2001-09-14 09:37 am
ex-awkwardjo569.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2001-09-14 09:37 am
(no subject)
Title: Never Fall in Love (not so good with titles)
Pairing: DM/EW
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lust is so much simpler than love, and much less painful.
Note: This is my first slash, so be gentle. This is also for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
varietyshow's
challenge. Credit goes to him for the first line of the story. x-posted in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
domlijah
Lust is so much simpler than love, and much less painful. Never fall in love - that was my mantra. I'd followed it for years, never allowing myself to think of someone as more than an object. If all they were was a warm body, then they didn't have feelings. And if they didn't have feelings, you couldn't fall in love.
Then Elijah came along. But goddamn it, I don't hate him. I could never hate him.
"Dom?" Elijah called out to me as he walked nto the apartment we shared. He had gone out shopping and was laden with bags of clothes and CDs of obscure bands that he would make me listen to. I had stayed home, insisting I was feeling the effects of last nights party. But in reality, I needed to think.
I knew that I was in trouble when I started thinking. Fuck being rational, I liked to rely on my impulses. But something Elijah had said the night before threw me for a loop.
It was hours after the party and we were lying in bed. Elijah was running his hands through my hair, god he loved to do that, and I was trying to get some much needed sleep.
"Dom?"
"Mm?"
"I love you."
"Mm."
Elijah was silent after that, turning his back towards me so he was facing the wall.
The next morning found me alone, and I vaguely remembered I had told him that I didn't want to go shopping and that I was too hungover.
Sitting on the porch with a cup of freshly brewed coffee, my mind began to race.
'He loves me? He loves me. He loves me.' My mind had barely begun to wrap itself around that when something came to light.
'You're no good for him. You'll only end up hurting him. Or worse, he'll see how worthless you are and you'll end up heart broken. Leave now, before it gets to that. Before he realizes what kind of loser he believes he is in love with. Leave now.'
This line of thinking went on for hours, until Elijah came home. The bags were dropped on the couch and there he was, on the porch with me.
"Are you still in your pajamas?"
I rolled my eyes."No. These are the clothes I wear out all the time. Yes, I'm still in my pajamas." He looked hurt.
"Sorry. I was just asking a question." He looked so damn sincere, it was killing me.
"I can't do this."
"Do what?"
"This. All of this. You're too good for me Lighe." The sincerity turned to fear.
"No, I'm not. Stop talking like that." I stood up and rushed into the apartment.
"Dom. W-w-what are you doing?"
"Packing. I'll stay with Sean, or Orli, or a hotel until I can find a place." I zipped up the overnight bag and slipped on some shoes, not bothering to change. "I'll call you and let you know when I'll be back to get my stuff so you won't be here."
"I don't understand. Why are you doing this? Did I fuck up?"
God he was so naive. Didn't he see? One of us would get hurt in the end, worse than either of us could get hurt now. Didn't he see we would destroy each other?
"You didn't fuck up Lighe. It's me." The fear and hurt turned to anger. I had never met someone who could switch emotions so easily.
"Don't give me that. We're good together. I love you." I grabbed my jacket and car keys.
"You can't love me Lighe."
"Why not? Are you telling me you don't care? That you don't love me?" I stopped opening the door and turned around. I didn't need to answer because he already knew.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." And I walked out of the door, leaving him standing in the middle of the living room, tears pouring down his face.
Now I'm here, in this tiny shithole of an apartment. I exaggerate though because it's not that bad. It's just empty
I only wish I had the balls to tell him. To tell him that I was scared and that I did love him.
The bottle of scotch in my hand was a gift from Billy, a house warming present for when Lighe and I had gotten our apartment. It burned going down, but I didn't care. I'd rather drink myself to death than feel anymore grief.
I was watching the rain come down in sheets when there was a knock at the door.
"Probably Sean, checking in on me," I muttered to the empty apartment. "Have to tell him to sod off." I threw open the door, prepared to tell Sean to leave me the fuck alone.
"Sean, leave! I'm not drunk enough...Lighe?" He was there, his hair plastered to his head. It looked as though he had walked all the way from his apartment.
And then he was kissing me. And I was kissing him. I could taste the cigarettes on his tongue, feel his hands in my hair. I could feel myself dropping the bottle of scotch, hearing it shatter on the floor, feel the contents saturate our feet.
He broke the kiss and looked me dead in the eye.
"Remember that little speech? You know - all that about you not being good for me? I don't believe a fucking word of it."
Pairing: DM/EW
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lust is so much simpler than love, and much less painful.
Note: This is my first slash, so be gentle. This is also for
varietyshow'schallenge. Credit goes to him for the first line of the story. x-posted in
domlijahLust is so much simpler than love, and much less painful. Never fall in love - that was my mantra. I'd followed it for years, never allowing myself to think of someone as more than an object. If all they were was a warm body, then they didn't have feelings. And if they didn't have feelings, you couldn't fall in love.
Then Elijah came along. But goddamn it, I don't hate him. I could never hate him.
"Dom?" Elijah called out to me as he walked nto the apartment we shared. He had gone out shopping and was laden with bags of clothes and CDs of obscure bands that he would make me listen to. I had stayed home, insisting I was feeling the effects of last nights party. But in reality, I needed to think.
I knew that I was in trouble when I started thinking. Fuck being rational, I liked to rely on my impulses. But something Elijah had said the night before threw me for a loop.
It was hours after the party and we were lying in bed. Elijah was running his hands through my hair, god he loved to do that, and I was trying to get some much needed sleep.
"Dom?"
"Mm?"
"I love you."
"Mm."
Elijah was silent after that, turning his back towards me so he was facing the wall.
The next morning found me alone, and I vaguely remembered I had told him that I didn't want to go shopping and that I was too hungover.
Sitting on the porch with a cup of freshly brewed coffee, my mind began to race.
'He loves me? He loves me. He loves me.' My mind had barely begun to wrap itself around that when something came to light.
'You're no good for him. You'll only end up hurting him. Or worse, he'll see how worthless you are and you'll end up heart broken. Leave now, before it gets to that. Before he realizes what kind of loser he believes he is in love with. Leave now.'
This line of thinking went on for hours, until Elijah came home. The bags were dropped on the couch and there he was, on the porch with me.
"Are you still in your pajamas?"
I rolled my eyes."No. These are the clothes I wear out all the time. Yes, I'm still in my pajamas." He looked hurt.
"Sorry. I was just asking a question." He looked so damn sincere, it was killing me.
"I can't do this."
"Do what?"
"This. All of this. You're too good for me Lighe." The sincerity turned to fear.
"No, I'm not. Stop talking like that." I stood up and rushed into the apartment.
"Dom. W-w-what are you doing?"
"Packing. I'll stay with Sean, or Orli, or a hotel until I can find a place." I zipped up the overnight bag and slipped on some shoes, not bothering to change. "I'll call you and let you know when I'll be back to get my stuff so you won't be here."
"I don't understand. Why are you doing this? Did I fuck up?"
God he was so naive. Didn't he see? One of us would get hurt in the end, worse than either of us could get hurt now. Didn't he see we would destroy each other?
"You didn't fuck up Lighe. It's me." The fear and hurt turned to anger. I had never met someone who could switch emotions so easily.
"Don't give me that. We're good together. I love you." I grabbed my jacket and car keys.
"You can't love me Lighe."
"Why not? Are you telling me you don't care? That you don't love me?" I stopped opening the door and turned around. I didn't need to answer because he already knew.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." And I walked out of the door, leaving him standing in the middle of the living room, tears pouring down his face.
Now I'm here, in this tiny shithole of an apartment. I exaggerate though because it's not that bad. It's just empty
I only wish I had the balls to tell him. To tell him that I was scared and that I did love him.
The bottle of scotch in my hand was a gift from Billy, a house warming present for when Lighe and I had gotten our apartment. It burned going down, but I didn't care. I'd rather drink myself to death than feel anymore grief.
I was watching the rain come down in sheets when there was a knock at the door.
"Probably Sean, checking in on me," I muttered to the empty apartment. "Have to tell him to sod off." I threw open the door, prepared to tell Sean to leave me the fuck alone.
"Sean, leave! I'm not drunk enough...Lighe?" He was there, his hair plastered to his head. It looked as though he had walked all the way from his apartment.
And then he was kissing me. And I was kissing him. I could taste the cigarettes on his tongue, feel his hands in my hair. I could feel myself dropping the bottle of scotch, hearing it shatter on the floor, feel the contents saturate our feet.
He broke the kiss and looked me dead in the eye.
"Remember that little speech? You know - all that about you not being good for me? I don't believe a fucking word of it."
no subject
Was so worried that there wouldn't be one!!
But Yea You!!
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I love your icon. Made me giggle.
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You should definitely keep writing, I'd love to read more of your work^^
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