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fellowshippers2002-07-17 10:53 am
antiquitea.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2002-07-17 10:53 am
You're Far Away From Me
This is in fact a sequal to another fic I wrote which you can read here. Warning however, it is a deathfic.
Title: You're Far Away From Me
Author: Megan
Pairing: Billy/Dominic [implied]
Rating: PG
Summary: A continuation of "Wasn't Supposed to be This Way." Dominic reflects on the night of the accident. Unlike WSTBTW however, this story is told in the form of third person instead of first person.
Feedback: Please. It would be great appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own any of the true-to-life people in this story. All original characters however are my own. Any events that occur in this story which have occurred in real life are simply coincidental.
Notes: A deathfic of sorts. Deals more with life after death than the actual death. My apologies to those who read WSTBTW. The thought of putting a warning in there never crossed my mind. Lyrics that appear in this story taken from the song "Far Away" by Chantal Kreviazuck. I'm serious when I say everyone should listen to this song.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
You're Far Away From Me
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
There wasn't a day that went by that Dominic didn't think of it - of him. It and him. Forever they would be intertwined together, and the last memory Dominic would ever have of him was that it killed him. Dominic tightly shut his eyes. He killed him. He killed the only person he had ever truly cared for, the one person who could've easily spent the rest of his life with, and because he simply couldn't wait to get him, he was dead. The tears often flowed freely, but he took no notice to it. He realized that if he looked in the mirror and he wasn't crying that there must be something wrong with him, and then he would cry.
Everyone had been more than supportive. The night Billy died Elijah had arrived at the hospital almost immediately. Soon enough to find Dominic lashing out at nurses and doctors, demanding that they bring Billy back. Dominic had spent the rest of the night heavily sedated. Billy's funeral was a blur, and had taken place in Glasgow because it had only seemed right. Dominic tried to remember the wonderful ceremony, but it was almost impossible. A blur of flowers, tears and heavy hearts. He wasn't sure if he wanted to remember it. He hated forever knowing that he was the reason Billy was dead. If he had just waited ... a two letter word that could forever change the course of the future.
If he hadn't kissed Billy.
If he had kept his eyes on the road.
If that telephone pole wasn't there.
If ...
Dominic was spending another restless night in bed. He hadn't really slept in over a month. He would steal away a few hours every now and then, or sometimes pass out on the floor from exhaustion, but he had no dreams. They were nightmares. Nightmares of that night. Watching as Billy's horribly mangled body was pulled from the car wreak, watching as Billy had said his final goodbye, watching as he seemed to have an out of body experience and kissed Billy's pale and cold face gently.
He finally sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He slumped his body over, resting his elbows on his thighs. He leaned his head forward and ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to hold back the tears. He couldn't deal with it any more. He wanted to die so badly. Die and just be with Billy. But then the plague of thoughts occurred to him every time he thought of simply ending it all.
What if there was no after life?
What if he would never see Billy again?
What if since he would be taking his own life, he'd end up in Hell while Billy spent forever in Heaven?
+ + +
Make me believe in you
Honestly for real, one thing true
Take me in, in your arms
Wandering alone seems so far
+ + +
Dominic had taken up smoking ever since Billy's death. He almost laughed when he remembered the shoot in New Zealand where he had to smoke, and immediately afterwards he would need a glass of milk just so he wouldn't throw up. Now, he needed it. He was killing himself slowly and he didn't care. He had made a promise to himself that he would die painfully, just as Billy had. He wished he could've died with Billy, so he didn't have to be alone when he left. He had died alone, and Dominic hated himself for that too.
He stepped out onto the patio of Billy's home, where he had taken up residency. He left Billy's room untouched, and instead slept in the guestroom. He rarely ever went into Billy's room, maybe only a few times to go through his drawers and smell his clothes, or look through the photo albums that he had kept in there. But other than that, he touched nothing.
He looked out over the Scotland landscape, loving it so much, and he understood while Billy had refused to ever move to America. Why move to such a place when you had all this? He took another drag of the cigarette and leaned over the railing. He thought so many times of jumping from here. He exhaled. He couldn't.
He wondered if there truly was life after death, and if there was, was Billy watching him? Watching everything he did, watching over him? Did he see the way that Dominic cried all the time? Did he see the way that Dominic moped around and did nothing? Did he see the way that Dominic had given up on everything and everyone?
+ + +
Let me know that you made it as far as forever
Let me know that you hear when I cry if you can
+ + +
Dominic took one last drag of his cigarette before casting the butt over the edge of the balcony and retreating back inside. Dawn was just beginning to break over the horizon, and he hadn't slept a wink. He went back to the guestroom and laid down on top of the covers, looking up at the ceiling. He had no intentions of getting any sleep though. He just thought he'd lie there, stare off into space and do nothing the whole day, like he always did.
His life had become obsolete. He had made himself obsolete. He would do nothing. He got no calls from his agent, and friends slowly stopped calling. He remembered that night the week before that Elijah had come over. Dominic had been falling asleep on the couch, a weeping and sniffling mess, so Elijah had taken him to bed. Dominic had woken up in the middle of the night to find Elijah lying beside him, looking so peaceful, his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. Dominic moved over and pressed a delicate kiss on Elijah's lips, then forehead, then neck, then started taking his shirt off.
"Dom," Elijah whispered, his eyes slowly opening, "what on earth are you doing?"
"I want you," Dominic had replied, slowly climbing onto Elijah's body.
He had kissed the pale chest, and Elijah had gone unmoving, but then suddenly said; "I'm not Billy."
Dominic had looked up. "I know you're not."
"And I can't let you do this."
And Dominic had understood. Maybe he understood a little too well. Elijah didn't leave that night. He stayed and let Dominic cry in his arms.
+ + +
Let me know heaven sees
Shines on life our memories
Make me feel all that you are
Angel child or a radiant star
+ + +
Dominic had left the window in the guestroom open like he did every night. Sure it was a security hazzard, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he prayed that Billy would come to him, and tell him that everything was all right. But no such thing had happened, and Dominic went on wondering. There were times however, when he could feel another presence around him. He would wander the house calling out Billy's name, hoping to see him. He would finally give up after an hour and collapse onto the floor in racking sobs.
+ + +
'Cause I know that we'll meet up again in forever
Let me know you'll be waiting for me in the end
+ + +
He watched, smiling only slightly. Dominic was finally asleep. He hadn't really slept in a week, but his eyes had closed, and he was dreaming blissfully for the first time in a month. Billy crept in through the window, like he had every night for the past month. Although there was no need for him to creep, Dominic didn't know he was there. And even if he did, he was in too deep of a sleep to notice.
Billy climbed onto the empty spot on the bed and laid down beside his lover, breathing coming out in short rasps through his parted lips. He smiled and rested his head on Dominic's chest, not sure if he could feel it. Billy was never sure if Dominic could feel anything that he ever did in his presence. He never seemed to question even in his mind the time he had fallen asleep on the couch, then had woken up in the guestroom. He either knew, or didn't really care. Billy figured it was the latter, and he hated the fact that he was the reason for Dominic's pain. He wanted Dominic to be happy, and know that he was okay. That he wasn't in pain anymore. He was happy. It was seeing Dominic in the state that he was in the made him sad.
+ + +
You're far away from me
You're far away from me
You're far away from me
Come a little closer
Just a little
+ + +
Billy pressed a feather-light kiss to Dominic's lips, running his fingers through his hair. He snuggled closer to the flesh and blood that he had once, and still loved.
"Don't worry about me, Dommie," Billy whispered. "I'm fine. I'm happy! I don't like seeing you like this. I know that I'm causing this pain of your's, but I shouldn't. Sure I'm not here with you physically, but I'm here. I'm never leaving you alone. I can't leave you. I love you, Dommie. Regardless of the fact I'm not really here." Billy nuzzled his nose against Dominic's neck and closed his eyes. "Please go out and do something tomorrow, okay? For me? Go shopping, or go to L.A. and see Elijah or something. But don't mope around anymore, there's no reason for you to."
Billy kissed Dominic again then slowly got up. He smiled, watching as in his sleep, a faint trace of a smile crossed Dominic's lips. Billy turned and was gone as soon as he had come.
The next day, Dominic went to L.A. to see Elijah. The younger man had questioned Dominic's arrival, as if he were surprised that he was finally up and about.
"An angel told me to be happy," Dominic had said.
And Elijah simply nodded, as if he understood. As if he knew. Dominic said nothing more, and just shook his head, laughing a little, as if he didn't believe himself or a word that he had just said. He wasn't sure Elijah believed him either. He wondered if even Billy did.
+ + +
Come a littler closer
Just a little ...
+ + +
[/end.]
Title: You're Far Away From Me
Author: Megan
Pairing: Billy/Dominic [implied]
Rating: PG
Summary: A continuation of "Wasn't Supposed to be This Way." Dominic reflects on the night of the accident. Unlike WSTBTW however, this story is told in the form of third person instead of first person.
Feedback: Please. It would be great appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own any of the true-to-life people in this story. All original characters however are my own. Any events that occur in this story which have occurred in real life are simply coincidental.
Notes: A deathfic of sorts. Deals more with life after death than the actual death. My apologies to those who read WSTBTW. The thought of putting a warning in there never crossed my mind. Lyrics that appear in this story taken from the song "Far Away" by Chantal Kreviazuck. I'm serious when I say everyone should listen to this song.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
You're Far Away From Me
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
There wasn't a day that went by that Dominic didn't think of it - of him. It and him. Forever they would be intertwined together, and the last memory Dominic would ever have of him was that it killed him. Dominic tightly shut his eyes. He killed him. He killed the only person he had ever truly cared for, the one person who could've easily spent the rest of his life with, and because he simply couldn't wait to get him, he was dead. The tears often flowed freely, but he took no notice to it. He realized that if he looked in the mirror and he wasn't crying that there must be something wrong with him, and then he would cry.
Everyone had been more than supportive. The night Billy died Elijah had arrived at the hospital almost immediately. Soon enough to find Dominic lashing out at nurses and doctors, demanding that they bring Billy back. Dominic had spent the rest of the night heavily sedated. Billy's funeral was a blur, and had taken place in Glasgow because it had only seemed right. Dominic tried to remember the wonderful ceremony, but it was almost impossible. A blur of flowers, tears and heavy hearts. He wasn't sure if he wanted to remember it. He hated forever knowing that he was the reason Billy was dead. If he had just waited ... a two letter word that could forever change the course of the future.
If he hadn't kissed Billy.
If he had kept his eyes on the road.
If that telephone pole wasn't there.
If ...
Dominic was spending another restless night in bed. He hadn't really slept in over a month. He would steal away a few hours every now and then, or sometimes pass out on the floor from exhaustion, but he had no dreams. They were nightmares. Nightmares of that night. Watching as Billy's horribly mangled body was pulled from the car wreak, watching as Billy had said his final goodbye, watching as he seemed to have an out of body experience and kissed Billy's pale and cold face gently.
He finally sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He slumped his body over, resting his elbows on his thighs. He leaned his head forward and ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to hold back the tears. He couldn't deal with it any more. He wanted to die so badly. Die and just be with Billy. But then the plague of thoughts occurred to him every time he thought of simply ending it all.
What if there was no after life?
What if he would never see Billy again?
What if since he would be taking his own life, he'd end up in Hell while Billy spent forever in Heaven?
+ + +
Make me believe in you
Honestly for real, one thing true
Take me in, in your arms
Wandering alone seems so far
+ + +
Dominic had taken up smoking ever since Billy's death. He almost laughed when he remembered the shoot in New Zealand where he had to smoke, and immediately afterwards he would need a glass of milk just so he wouldn't throw up. Now, he needed it. He was killing himself slowly and he didn't care. He had made a promise to himself that he would die painfully, just as Billy had. He wished he could've died with Billy, so he didn't have to be alone when he left. He had died alone, and Dominic hated himself for that too.
He stepped out onto the patio of Billy's home, where he had taken up residency. He left Billy's room untouched, and instead slept in the guestroom. He rarely ever went into Billy's room, maybe only a few times to go through his drawers and smell his clothes, or look through the photo albums that he had kept in there. But other than that, he touched nothing.
He looked out over the Scotland landscape, loving it so much, and he understood while Billy had refused to ever move to America. Why move to such a place when you had all this? He took another drag of the cigarette and leaned over the railing. He thought so many times of jumping from here. He exhaled. He couldn't.
He wondered if there truly was life after death, and if there was, was Billy watching him? Watching everything he did, watching over him? Did he see the way that Dominic cried all the time? Did he see the way that Dominic moped around and did nothing? Did he see the way that Dominic had given up on everything and everyone?
+ + +
Let me know that you made it as far as forever
Let me know that you hear when I cry if you can
+ + +
Dominic took one last drag of his cigarette before casting the butt over the edge of the balcony and retreating back inside. Dawn was just beginning to break over the horizon, and he hadn't slept a wink. He went back to the guestroom and laid down on top of the covers, looking up at the ceiling. He had no intentions of getting any sleep though. He just thought he'd lie there, stare off into space and do nothing the whole day, like he always did.
His life had become obsolete. He had made himself obsolete. He would do nothing. He got no calls from his agent, and friends slowly stopped calling. He remembered that night the week before that Elijah had come over. Dominic had been falling asleep on the couch, a weeping and sniffling mess, so Elijah had taken him to bed. Dominic had woken up in the middle of the night to find Elijah lying beside him, looking so peaceful, his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. Dominic moved over and pressed a delicate kiss on Elijah's lips, then forehead, then neck, then started taking his shirt off.
"Dom," Elijah whispered, his eyes slowly opening, "what on earth are you doing?"
"I want you," Dominic had replied, slowly climbing onto Elijah's body.
He had kissed the pale chest, and Elijah had gone unmoving, but then suddenly said; "I'm not Billy."
Dominic had looked up. "I know you're not."
"And I can't let you do this."
And Dominic had understood. Maybe he understood a little too well. Elijah didn't leave that night. He stayed and let Dominic cry in his arms.
+ + +
Let me know heaven sees
Shines on life our memories
Make me feel all that you are
Angel child or a radiant star
+ + +
Dominic had left the window in the guestroom open like he did every night. Sure it was a security hazzard, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he prayed that Billy would come to him, and tell him that everything was all right. But no such thing had happened, and Dominic went on wondering. There were times however, when he could feel another presence around him. He would wander the house calling out Billy's name, hoping to see him. He would finally give up after an hour and collapse onto the floor in racking sobs.
+ + +
'Cause I know that we'll meet up again in forever
Let me know you'll be waiting for me in the end
+ + +
He watched, smiling only slightly. Dominic was finally asleep. He hadn't really slept in a week, but his eyes had closed, and he was dreaming blissfully for the first time in a month. Billy crept in through the window, like he had every night for the past month. Although there was no need for him to creep, Dominic didn't know he was there. And even if he did, he was in too deep of a sleep to notice.
Billy climbed onto the empty spot on the bed and laid down beside his lover, breathing coming out in short rasps through his parted lips. He smiled and rested his head on Dominic's chest, not sure if he could feel it. Billy was never sure if Dominic could feel anything that he ever did in his presence. He never seemed to question even in his mind the time he had fallen asleep on the couch, then had woken up in the guestroom. He either knew, or didn't really care. Billy figured it was the latter, and he hated the fact that he was the reason for Dominic's pain. He wanted Dominic to be happy, and know that he was okay. That he wasn't in pain anymore. He was happy. It was seeing Dominic in the state that he was in the made him sad.
+ + +
You're far away from me
You're far away from me
You're far away from me
Come a little closer
Just a little
+ + +
Billy pressed a feather-light kiss to Dominic's lips, running his fingers through his hair. He snuggled closer to the flesh and blood that he had once, and still loved.
"Don't worry about me, Dommie," Billy whispered. "I'm fine. I'm happy! I don't like seeing you like this. I know that I'm causing this pain of your's, but I shouldn't. Sure I'm not here with you physically, but I'm here. I'm never leaving you alone. I can't leave you. I love you, Dommie. Regardless of the fact I'm not really here." Billy nuzzled his nose against Dominic's neck and closed his eyes. "Please go out and do something tomorrow, okay? For me? Go shopping, or go to L.A. and see Elijah or something. But don't mope around anymore, there's no reason for you to."
Billy kissed Dominic again then slowly got up. He smiled, watching as in his sleep, a faint trace of a smile crossed Dominic's lips. Billy turned and was gone as soon as he had come.
The next day, Dominic went to L.A. to see Elijah. The younger man had questioned Dominic's arrival, as if he were surprised that he was finally up and about.
"An angel told me to be happy," Dominic had said.
And Elijah simply nodded, as if he understood. As if he knew. Dominic said nothing more, and just shook his head, laughing a little, as if he didn't believe himself or a word that he had just said. He wasn't sure Elijah believed him either. He wondered if even Billy did.
+ + +
Come a littler closer
Just a little ...
+ + +
[/end.]
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