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fellowshippers2004-02-15 08:47 pm
perfect-oasis.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-02-15 08:47 pm
Reincarnation and Postage Stamps, Part 8/9
Title: Reincarnation and Postage Stamps, Part 8/9
Author: The Phantom Writer![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silentnumbsmoke
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: See, it's a happy cycle: You comment on my story, I become intrigued, I check out your livejournal and a) add your AIM s/n to my buddy list (if you have it), and b) check out your stories that I've never noticed before! Then I'll more than likely comment on your stories! See? You'll just be doing good things for yourself! ;)
Disclaimer: 'Tis all fiction...
Notes: 1) As always, many thanks toairlia_vega!!!
2) Mein Gott! Only one more part after this. *sigh* I don't know what I'll do. This story has been a large part of my life (hmm... is that pathetic?) for the past month. And then... it'll just be... finished.
3) Before you read this, I would definitely suggest reading Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI and VII!
Part VIII
Billy’s emerald eyes snapped open as his radio alarm clicked on, blaring with an annoying DJ’s rant about something completely insignificant and unrelated to anything. “Good morni—” Billy didn’t let the chipper man continue. Squinting his eyes in protection from the sunlight that drifted in through the half open blinds, Billy raised his wrist to block out the blinding rays and to check the time. 9:30. It wasn’t early by any means, but Billy’s body clock had gotten all messed up after early mornings and late nights filming his last movie, and he was still suffering from tremendous jet lag. Opening his mouth wide in a yawn, he half-heartedly wracked his brain for the reason behind setting his alarm. Ah, yes, that’s right. Billy had a few letters to send, and if he wanted to get them sent off today, then he needed to get to the post office within the next two hours.
Before he could lower his arm and decide to let the letters wait a day, Billy froze, his groggy eyes opening wide, staring at his watch. Was it really? It was. With the movie shoot taking up all his time, he hadn’t noticed the date sneak up on him. December 8th. Dominic’s birthday.
Billy lay there in absolute silence, concentrating on his breathing, making sure, in his shock, he didn’t forget to inhale and exhale. “Dominic,” the name floated past his lips. Everything was still so vivid. Meeting Dom, admitting their love, making love for the first time, the troubles they’d had with their agents about being open about their relationship, Dom’s confession, Dr. Emmons’ news… their final kiss… laying there sobbing with a dead Dominic in his arms, unwilling to let go… falling asleep and waking again to find that it hadn’t been a nightmare, that the man who lay in his arms would never breathe again… never utter another word, crack a joke, suck a lollipop, never wake Billy up again by singing an out-of-key rendition of ‘Good Mornin’’ in his ear… never love again.
Fighting to keep his building tears from making an appearance, Billy pushed himself to his feet. He hesitated, standing still in deep thought before moving toward his desk. He pulled out a handful of paper and a pen. A single tear dropped onto the stationary before he took the pen in hand and began writing.
My dearest Dominic,
Oh, love. You would’ve been 32 years old today. That makes me feel so old…
As much as I want to tell you how much I miss you, I know that you already know, so I’ll just update you on the life of your lonely boyfriend.
A little less than a year ago, your life came to an abrupt halt. In the months that followed, my life almost did as well. After you died, I didn’t want to work – I turned away every single script my agent sent to me, without so much as glancing at them. I didn’t want to do anything. I sat in our bed for weeks, not doing much more than clutching your pillow to my body. It still smells like you, you know. I’ve firmly refused to wash it. I guess I worried everyone for a bit there, because, before I knew it, Orlando and Elijah had moved in, making sure I got out of bed in the mornings and did more than just push my food around my plate with a fork. Looking back, I don’t know what I would’ve done without Orli and Lij. If it weren’t for them, I’d probably already be Billy the Bunny, romping around fields with you. They truly saved my life. Elijah went through the scripts Aaron sent me and picked one out. It was a great script, really, but it wasn’t until Viggo was called in to give me a lecture that I snapped from my trance and accepted the role. It may sound a bit clichéd, but Viggo told me that you wouldn’t want me moping around, especially since you were never a moper yourself. After several two-hour long showers thinking about what he’d said, I realized that he was right. You always loved life, Dom, and you always did make fun of those who moped around, overlooking all the good that was right in front of them. So, I took the role and… it made me happy.
The first day on the set I found myself laughing at a joke one of the cast made, and… well, I must have scared them all because I then solemnly retired early to my rented apartment. I couldn’t believe myself: You’re dead and I was laughing? It hardly seemed right to laugh without you. For another month, whenever I laughed or smiled, I thought of you and your throaty chuckle that I would never hear again.
Three months after your death was when I could finally laugh without wincing.
Six months after your death, I was able to think about you without feeling a tightening constriction in my chest. I could hear your name and smile without tears gathering.
Today is your birthday. The first birthday since your death. The first birthday that you’ve missed. A year ago you were still alive. It was only a year ago, but it feels like so much longer. It feels like years since I’ve held your warmth, pressed my lips to yours, gasped as we came together, whispered words into your ear… I remember a year ago today, when, as much as we tried to make your birthday a happy one, we were much too aware that it was going to be your last. There were many tears shed that day.
I’m finally beginning to move on, though there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I don’t want there to be. I never want to forget you, for, no matter how great things become for me after this, the best time in my life was the time spent with you.
I love you, Dominic. Now and forever.
Billy
Billy set down the pen and stretched out his cramped writing hand before placing both hands palm-down on the desk, staring at the letter, his bottom lip clamped between his teeth. It was silent, Billy’s heavy breathing the only sounds surrounding him. One of the things he’d wished for more than anything in the past year was one, final conversation with Dominic. And here it was. What Billy would say if he were assured that Dom could hear him. Surprisingly, he felt a large weight lifted off his chest; he had wanted to get these words out for a long time.
With a hesitant smile, Billy pushed back from the desk and picked up an envelope that was laying on top of a pile of papers. Gently folding the letter, he placed it in the envelope and, with a final swoop of the pen, wrote Dom’s name on the front.
~~~
The door to the post office rang as I entered, moving towards the counter with three envelopes in my hands, shuffling them absently. I wouldn’t have had to make the short trek here, but in a frantic search I found that I was out of stamps. “Hi,” I offered a smile to the young woman behind the counter. “I’d like to buy some stamp sheets.”
“You’re just in time,” she smiled. “We just got a delivery of brand new stamps! I don’t know the name of the guy on them,” she rambled on, “but he’s a real looker!” I froze as she opened a drawer and pulled out a single sheet of the newest stamps. “He was in the Lord of the Rings movies, and, I’m not sure, but I think he died about a year ago.”
I stared at the stamps, gulping past the lump in my throat. “312 days.”
“What?” There was silence as the woman narrowed her eyes, possibly a little nervous by my knowing the exact number of days since ‘the guy’s’ death. She obviously didn’t recognize me – I still hadn’t gotten around to getting my hair cut after having grown it out for my last movie role. “Would you like some of these, sir?”
I couldn’t tear my eyes from the stamps. I didn’t want to. Dom was there, his intense eyes staring into mine. “How much are they?”
“7.75 pounds a booklet.”
Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out a wad of notes, throwing them down on the counter. “I’ll take them all.”
The woman’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping. “All of ‘em? But sir, we just got them in! We have–”
“I don’t care,” I shook his head. “I have the money. I just…” I licked my lips, still staring at the book of stamps. I suddenly felt a twinge of jealousy – I’d been the last one to see Dominic. The last one to touch him, to hear him, to love him. And I wanted it to stay that way. I held a perfect picture of Dom in my mind; I didn’t want the entire world to be able to look at my Dom each time they received or sent a letter. I inhaled deeply. “I’ll take them all,” I repeated.
I ran all the way home, cursing as I stumbled. Dom was the only thing on my mind.
Slamming the front door behind me, I rushed towards my desk, picking up the letter I wrote to Dominic. My emotions threatening to overwhelm me, I pulled the paper from the envelope and unfolded it, scanning what I’d written until I reached the bottom. I picked up my pen and, beneath my earlier signature, added a comment, neatly placing a stamp on the lines of the page. P.S. You got your wish. You are on a postage stamp, love.
Re-folding and placing the letter back in its envelope, I slowly ran my tongue against the odd-tasting glue before closing the flap, sealing it. Gently placing the letter on the middle of the wooden desk, I stared at it, backing away slowly.
As soon as the first tear dropped, I turned and rushed to our bedroom, collapsing on our bed, sobbing our tears.
Author: The Phantom Writer
silentnumbsmokePairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: See, it's a happy cycle: You comment on my story, I become intrigued, I check out your livejournal and a) add your AIM s/n to my buddy list (if you have it), and b) check out your stories that I've never noticed before! Then I'll more than likely comment on your stories! See? You'll just be doing good things for yourself! ;)
Disclaimer: 'Tis all fiction...
Notes: 1) As always, many thanks to
airlia_vega!!!2) Mein Gott! Only one more part after this. *sigh* I don't know what I'll do. This story has been a large part of my life (hmm... is that pathetic?) for the past month. And then... it'll just be... finished.
3) Before you read this, I would definitely suggest reading Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI and VII!
Part VIII
Billy’s emerald eyes snapped open as his radio alarm clicked on, blaring with an annoying DJ’s rant about something completely insignificant and unrelated to anything. “Good morni—” Billy didn’t let the chipper man continue. Squinting his eyes in protection from the sunlight that drifted in through the half open blinds, Billy raised his wrist to block out the blinding rays and to check the time. 9:30. It wasn’t early by any means, but Billy’s body clock had gotten all messed up after early mornings and late nights filming his last movie, and he was still suffering from tremendous jet lag. Opening his mouth wide in a yawn, he half-heartedly wracked his brain for the reason behind setting his alarm. Ah, yes, that’s right. Billy had a few letters to send, and if he wanted to get them sent off today, then he needed to get to the post office within the next two hours.
Before he could lower his arm and decide to let the letters wait a day, Billy froze, his groggy eyes opening wide, staring at his watch. Was it really? It was. With the movie shoot taking up all his time, he hadn’t noticed the date sneak up on him. December 8th. Dominic’s birthday.
Billy lay there in absolute silence, concentrating on his breathing, making sure, in his shock, he didn’t forget to inhale and exhale. “Dominic,” the name floated past his lips. Everything was still so vivid. Meeting Dom, admitting their love, making love for the first time, the troubles they’d had with their agents about being open about their relationship, Dom’s confession, Dr. Emmons’ news… their final kiss… laying there sobbing with a dead Dominic in his arms, unwilling to let go… falling asleep and waking again to find that it hadn’t been a nightmare, that the man who lay in his arms would never breathe again… never utter another word, crack a joke, suck a lollipop, never wake Billy up again by singing an out-of-key rendition of ‘Good Mornin’’ in his ear… never love again.
Fighting to keep his building tears from making an appearance, Billy pushed himself to his feet. He hesitated, standing still in deep thought before moving toward his desk. He pulled out a handful of paper and a pen. A single tear dropped onto the stationary before he took the pen in hand and began writing.
My dearest Dominic,
Oh, love. You would’ve been 32 years old today. That makes me feel so old…
As much as I want to tell you how much I miss you, I know that you already know, so I’ll just update you on the life of your lonely boyfriend.
A little less than a year ago, your life came to an abrupt halt. In the months that followed, my life almost did as well. After you died, I didn’t want to work – I turned away every single script my agent sent to me, without so much as glancing at them. I didn’t want to do anything. I sat in our bed for weeks, not doing much more than clutching your pillow to my body. It still smells like you, you know. I’ve firmly refused to wash it. I guess I worried everyone for a bit there, because, before I knew it, Orlando and Elijah had moved in, making sure I got out of bed in the mornings and did more than just push my food around my plate with a fork. Looking back, I don’t know what I would’ve done without Orli and Lij. If it weren’t for them, I’d probably already be Billy the Bunny, romping around fields with you. They truly saved my life. Elijah went through the scripts Aaron sent me and picked one out. It was a great script, really, but it wasn’t until Viggo was called in to give me a lecture that I snapped from my trance and accepted the role. It may sound a bit clichéd, but Viggo told me that you wouldn’t want me moping around, especially since you were never a moper yourself. After several two-hour long showers thinking about what he’d said, I realized that he was right. You always loved life, Dom, and you always did make fun of those who moped around, overlooking all the good that was right in front of them. So, I took the role and… it made me happy.
The first day on the set I found myself laughing at a joke one of the cast made, and… well, I must have scared them all because I then solemnly retired early to my rented apartment. I couldn’t believe myself: You’re dead and I was laughing? It hardly seemed right to laugh without you. For another month, whenever I laughed or smiled, I thought of you and your throaty chuckle that I would never hear again.
Three months after your death was when I could finally laugh without wincing.
Six months after your death, I was able to think about you without feeling a tightening constriction in my chest. I could hear your name and smile without tears gathering.
Today is your birthday. The first birthday since your death. The first birthday that you’ve missed. A year ago you were still alive. It was only a year ago, but it feels like so much longer. It feels like years since I’ve held your warmth, pressed my lips to yours, gasped as we came together, whispered words into your ear… I remember a year ago today, when, as much as we tried to make your birthday a happy one, we were much too aware that it was going to be your last. There were many tears shed that day.
I’m finally beginning to move on, though there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I don’t want there to be. I never want to forget you, for, no matter how great things become for me after this, the best time in my life was the time spent with you.
I love you, Dominic. Now and forever.
Billy
Billy set down the pen and stretched out his cramped writing hand before placing both hands palm-down on the desk, staring at the letter, his bottom lip clamped between his teeth. It was silent, Billy’s heavy breathing the only sounds surrounding him. One of the things he’d wished for more than anything in the past year was one, final conversation with Dominic. And here it was. What Billy would say if he were assured that Dom could hear him. Surprisingly, he felt a large weight lifted off his chest; he had wanted to get these words out for a long time.
With a hesitant smile, Billy pushed back from the desk and picked up an envelope that was laying on top of a pile of papers. Gently folding the letter, he placed it in the envelope and, with a final swoop of the pen, wrote Dom’s name on the front.
~~~
The door to the post office rang as I entered, moving towards the counter with three envelopes in my hands, shuffling them absently. I wouldn’t have had to make the short trek here, but in a frantic search I found that I was out of stamps. “Hi,” I offered a smile to the young woman behind the counter. “I’d like to buy some stamp sheets.”
“You’re just in time,” she smiled. “We just got a delivery of brand new stamps! I don’t know the name of the guy on them,” she rambled on, “but he’s a real looker!” I froze as she opened a drawer and pulled out a single sheet of the newest stamps. “He was in the Lord of the Rings movies, and, I’m not sure, but I think he died about a year ago.”
I stared at the stamps, gulping past the lump in my throat. “312 days.”
“What?” There was silence as the woman narrowed her eyes, possibly a little nervous by my knowing the exact number of days since ‘the guy’s’ death. She obviously didn’t recognize me – I still hadn’t gotten around to getting my hair cut after having grown it out for my last movie role. “Would you like some of these, sir?”
I couldn’t tear my eyes from the stamps. I didn’t want to. Dom was there, his intense eyes staring into mine. “How much are they?”
“7.75 pounds a booklet.”
Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out a wad of notes, throwing them down on the counter. “I’ll take them all.”
The woman’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping. “All of ‘em? But sir, we just got them in! We have–”
“I don’t care,” I shook his head. “I have the money. I just…” I licked my lips, still staring at the book of stamps. I suddenly felt a twinge of jealousy – I’d been the last one to see Dominic. The last one to touch him, to hear him, to love him. And I wanted it to stay that way. I held a perfect picture of Dom in my mind; I didn’t want the entire world to be able to look at my Dom each time they received or sent a letter. I inhaled deeply. “I’ll take them all,” I repeated.
I ran all the way home, cursing as I stumbled. Dom was the only thing on my mind.
Slamming the front door behind me, I rushed towards my desk, picking up the letter I wrote to Dominic. My emotions threatening to overwhelm me, I pulled the paper from the envelope and unfolded it, scanning what I’d written until I reached the bottom. I picked up my pen and, beneath my earlier signature, added a comment, neatly placing a stamp on the lines of the page. P.S. You got your wish. You are on a postage stamp, love.
Re-folding and placing the letter back in its envelope, I slowly ran my tongue against the odd-tasting glue before closing the flap, sealing it. Gently placing the letter on the middle of the wooden desk, I stared at it, backing away slowly.
As soon as the first tear dropped, I turned and rushed to our bedroom, collapsing on our bed, sobbing our tears.
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Three months after your death was when I could finally laugh without wincing.
This breaks my heart even more [as if that were possible]
I froze as she opened a drawer and pulled out a single sheet of the newest stamps. “He was in the Lord of the Rings movies, and, I’m not sure, but I think he died about a year ago.”
I stared at the stamps, gulping past the lump in my throat. “312 days.”
Eeeeeeek!!!
As soon as the first tear dropped, I turned and rushed to our bedroom, collapsing on our bed, sobbing our tears.
Ohhh my goodness. This series is absolutely the most bittersweet thing I've ever read. *patiently awaits the final part!*
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That was beautiful, and I was nearly crying. Hell, I haven't even read the rest of the series, and it moved me. I loved the last line. Very nice. :)
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As soon as the first tear dropped, I turned and rushed to our bedroom, collapsing on our bed, sobbing our tears.
Gorgeous.
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That last line...I don't have words.
The only thing that comes to mind for this is painstakingly beautiful.
I am awaiting, yet dreading the final part. I want to read the ending, but I don't want this to end because each time I read a new part, it just kills me. In a good way, of course.
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"Three months after your death was when I could finally laugh without wincing.
Six months after your death, I was able to think about you without feeling a tightening constriction in my chest. I could hear your name and smile without tears gathering."
it had me in tears instantly. i absolutly love your work. really beautiful. everything was worded perfectly. keep writing, cuz god knows you can do it! =)
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Can't wait for the last part
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Beautiful chapter.
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I can't think of anything else to say. You're lovely!
My mom just walked in, so excuse me while I explain to her why I'm crying.
Much Love!