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fellowshippers2004-01-10 11:13 am
lulla-belle1208.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-01-10 11:13 am
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Title: My Immortal
Rating: R, for cursing.
Pairing: D’orli, surprise pairing.
Warning: Deathfic, Depressed Orlando
Summary: Orlando reflects on the loss of the greatest thing he ever had in his life
Author: Me, billylovesdom@hotmail.com
A/N: Written for 2 reasons: 1.) Because I’m obsessed with Evanesance’s My Immortal and 2.) Because I’m obsessed with death fics I also suggest you listen to My Immortal while reading.
A/N 2: Freaking A it made me cry. And this is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sheselectric just because I love her :D
I’m so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I’m bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I’ve been alone all along
Orlando stared at the headstone. This hadn’t happened…had it? Days ago. Mere fucking days ago he had watched them lower the casket. He sat by the headstone and ran his fingers over the letters. He closed his eyes trying to push the tears back. He hadn’t shaved since it it had happened. He had only bathed because Billy had thrown him in the shower and done it himself. His hair was unruly and he hadn’t slept since it had happened either. Couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want to sleep. Would rather sit and drink, forgetting everything. Even forgetting their daughter.
He tried to stop the tears but they came again anyways. He traced the “D” on the head stone. He whispered softly. “I love you, Dominic…I love you so much…”
Billy walked up and placed a hand on Orlandos’ shoulder. “Come on, Orli. Ana’s waiting to see you. She needs the reassurance that you’re there for her. C’mon.”
Orlando let Billy pull him to his feet and away from Dominic’s grave.
(---)
Orlando put Ana to bed and stared at her. Remembering just how much of a pain in the fucking ass it had been to get her for Dominic and him. He smiled at her and slipped out of the room. He had wanted a boy but had relented to Dominic’s begging for a girl. Even letting Dominic make the empty promises that the next one would be a boy. Orlando smiled has he descending the stairs. He looked up and thought he saw someone go into the room that Dominic kept his psycho pets in.
He tilted his head and walked in there. He peered around the room. No one. Of course there wasn’t anyone. What kind of idiot was Orlando turning into? He stopped and stared at that stupid leaf…bug…mantis…thing. Ana had taken over feeding and take care of it. Dominic just kept replacing it after each one would die. Orlando smiled and sat down and stared at the bug.
His eyes closed, memory’s taking over. He let the tears fall, afraid to stop them.
(---)
Orlando woke with a start and tried to catch his breath. The images of the car swerving before it slammed into them. The image of Dominic lying there…bleeding flashed through his brain, remnants of a dream flooding his brain, mixing with what actually happened. Terrifying him.
He sat on the bed, heavy breathing and tears falling down his cheeks from the dream. Finally the tears stopped, for once, and he stared out towards the balcony. He stepped out on it and looked at the stars. He wasn’t sad anymore. He was angry. Very angry. He shouted. “Why!?”
He gripped the railing on the balcony screamed, letting out every emotion he had at once. He screamed for a long time, not hearing the soft pad of small feet come down the hallway and the small frame stretch and open the door to peer in. He collapsed on his knees and whispered. “Why did you leave me? You said you’d never leave me. You left Dominic. Why? Why did you have to leave me? I’m alone…I’m empty without you. Ana…she’s confused and I can’t raise her by myself.”
Orlando jumped as small cold hands wrapped around his bare chest and a head of bright blonde curls pushed against his chest. “Daddy…don’t cry.”
The simple words clutched to his heart like a vice and his arms went around the beautiful five-year-old instantly. “Oh god, Ana…I’m sorry. Daddy’s sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You have me…”
He closed his eyes and fell back, leaning against the railing and pulling her into his arms.
“You’re not alone…Don’t I count?”
“God yes Ana. God yes, you’re all I have now…all I’ve got.”
(---)
Orlando came in the house after dropping Ana off for her first day of school and sat down on the couch. The familiar image of someone going into Dominics’ room passed through his peripheral vision. He closed his eyes, the happiness in him slipping from him. He opened his eyes again and stood up, shoving the coffee table over with it. “FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!”
Silence.
“Leave me alone. Leave Ana and me alone. Please…leave. Leave.”
Silence.
“Why can’t you just leave?”
The words ghosted in his mind. The words Dominic had uttered when Orlando asked why he’d never leave him. Orlandos’ eyes closed and he collapsed onto the couch remembering that loveable smile on Dominics’ face as he had leaned in and brushed his lips against his ear and whispered. “Because I love you. I’ll never leave you, because I love you.”
Orlando wept.
(---)
Orlando had been everything to Dominic. When he had went through that horrible depression, Orlando had been there. Orlando took care of him, helped him through it. And now that Orlando was going through the hardest thing in his life, there was no one except Ana. Ana—the one thing that kept him sane. Well, sane to a point.
Orlando curled in the corner, wrapped around himself, head against the wall. Ana wasn’t here now, so he could cry and weep and make an ass of himself all he wanted. No one was here to judge. No one except Dominic. “Dominic…please…”
No answer.
“Why are you still here? Why can’t you leave? Why can’t you let me go on with my life? Why do you have such a hold on me? Why? I’m alone. I’m fucking alone. And if I don’t start acting sane Mum’s going to take Ana from me. I need you to go away. As much as it hurts and as much as I told you to never leave me, you have to go. You have to. Please…”
The response rang in Orlandos’ ears like a gunshot. “I’ll never leave you.”
He looked up at the ceiling, pushing his back against the wall. “Dominic, I’m afraid of being alone. You know that. I’ve always been afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of becoming something I’m not. I’m afraid of dying unloved. I’m afraid I’ll lose Ana. I’m afraid that I’ll never be the same now that you’re gone. I’m afraid of what Ana’s going to become. I’m just…afraid.”
Silence. No response, a listening shoulder? Orlando bit his lip.
“Dominic, I love you. I’ll always love you. I’ll never love anyone else but you. But you have to stop haunting me. I can’t sleep. I hardly eat…nothing makes sense. I have no one to wipe away my tears or calm me…I’m so alone Dominic. Even though you’re here, stalking me and haunting me, I’m so alone. So terribly and frighteningly alone. What do you want me to do?”
A ghost of a response, causing Orlando to perk up.
(---)
Months later. Orlando stared at his boyfriend. His new boyfriend and smiled at him. His boyfriend squeezed his hand. “You sure you want to do this?”
Orlando smiled and looked at the rose in his other hand and dropped it on Dominics’ grave. “Yes.”
His boyfriend smiled at him and tangled a hand in those impossibly soft curls. Ana peered around their legs. “Daddy?”
Orlando looked down at her. “Yes?”
“Why are we here?”
“To clean out the closet.”
“But you and uncle Billy already came out of the closet!”
Orlando looked at Billy bewildered. Billy stared back, his expression mirroring Orlandos’.
“Yes, but we’re getting rid of things that have been bothering Daddy, sweetie. It’s an expression.”
“You have too many expressions!”
Orlando smiled and kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. “I love you.”
“I love you too daddy.”
Ana kissed Orlando on the cheek and turned to Billy when he made a neglected noise. She smiled. “And you too Uncle Billy!”
Billy took her from Orlando and walked towards the car, leaving Orlando by himself.
Orlando stared down at the headstone. “I love you, Dominic. You know that…I hope. But now, I’ve got someone who loved us both…and will help me. I hope you approve…and aren’t in heaven plotting ways to kill us.”
Orlando smiled and leaned down, kissing the headstone. “I love you, Dominic.”
My Immortal by Evanesance, 2003
Rating: R, for cursing.
Pairing: D’orli, surprise pairing.
Warning: Deathfic, Depressed Orlando
Summary: Orlando reflects on the loss of the greatest thing he ever had in his life
Author: Me, billylovesdom@hotmail.com
A/N: Written for 2 reasons: 1.) Because I’m obsessed with Evanesance’s My Immortal and 2.) Because I’m obsessed with death fics I also suggest you listen to My Immortal while reading.
A/N 2: Freaking A it made me cry. And this is for
sheselectric just because I love her :DI’m so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I’m bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I’ve been alone all along
Orlando stared at the headstone. This hadn’t happened…had it? Days ago. Mere fucking days ago he had watched them lower the casket. He sat by the headstone and ran his fingers over the letters. He closed his eyes trying to push the tears back. He hadn’t shaved since it it had happened. He had only bathed because Billy had thrown him in the shower and done it himself. His hair was unruly and he hadn’t slept since it had happened either. Couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want to sleep. Would rather sit and drink, forgetting everything. Even forgetting their daughter.
He tried to stop the tears but they came again anyways. He traced the “D” on the head stone. He whispered softly. “I love you, Dominic…I love you so much…”
Billy walked up and placed a hand on Orlandos’ shoulder. “Come on, Orli. Ana’s waiting to see you. She needs the reassurance that you’re there for her. C’mon.”
Orlando let Billy pull him to his feet and away from Dominic’s grave.
(---)
Orlando put Ana to bed and stared at her. Remembering just how much of a pain in the fucking ass it had been to get her for Dominic and him. He smiled at her and slipped out of the room. He had wanted a boy but had relented to Dominic’s begging for a girl. Even letting Dominic make the empty promises that the next one would be a boy. Orlando smiled has he descending the stairs. He looked up and thought he saw someone go into the room that Dominic kept his psycho pets in.
He tilted his head and walked in there. He peered around the room. No one. Of course there wasn’t anyone. What kind of idiot was Orlando turning into? He stopped and stared at that stupid leaf…bug…mantis…thing. Ana had taken over feeding and take care of it. Dominic just kept replacing it after each one would die. Orlando smiled and sat down and stared at the bug.
His eyes closed, memory’s taking over. He let the tears fall, afraid to stop them.
(---)
Orlando woke with a start and tried to catch his breath. The images of the car swerving before it slammed into them. The image of Dominic lying there…bleeding flashed through his brain, remnants of a dream flooding his brain, mixing with what actually happened. Terrifying him.
He sat on the bed, heavy breathing and tears falling down his cheeks from the dream. Finally the tears stopped, for once, and he stared out towards the balcony. He stepped out on it and looked at the stars. He wasn’t sad anymore. He was angry. Very angry. He shouted. “Why!?”
He gripped the railing on the balcony screamed, letting out every emotion he had at once. He screamed for a long time, not hearing the soft pad of small feet come down the hallway and the small frame stretch and open the door to peer in. He collapsed on his knees and whispered. “Why did you leave me? You said you’d never leave me. You left Dominic. Why? Why did you have to leave me? I’m alone…I’m empty without you. Ana…she’s confused and I can’t raise her by myself.”
Orlando jumped as small cold hands wrapped around his bare chest and a head of bright blonde curls pushed against his chest. “Daddy…don’t cry.”
The simple words clutched to his heart like a vice and his arms went around the beautiful five-year-old instantly. “Oh god, Ana…I’m sorry. Daddy’s sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You have me…”
He closed his eyes and fell back, leaning against the railing and pulling her into his arms.
“You’re not alone…Don’t I count?”
“God yes Ana. God yes, you’re all I have now…all I’ve got.”
(---)
Orlando came in the house after dropping Ana off for her first day of school and sat down on the couch. The familiar image of someone going into Dominics’ room passed through his peripheral vision. He closed his eyes, the happiness in him slipping from him. He opened his eyes again and stood up, shoving the coffee table over with it. “FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!”
Silence.
“Leave me alone. Leave Ana and me alone. Please…leave. Leave.”
Silence.
“Why can’t you just leave?”
The words ghosted in his mind. The words Dominic had uttered when Orlando asked why he’d never leave him. Orlandos’ eyes closed and he collapsed onto the couch remembering that loveable smile on Dominics’ face as he had leaned in and brushed his lips against his ear and whispered. “Because I love you. I’ll never leave you, because I love you.”
Orlando wept.
(---)
Orlando had been everything to Dominic. When he had went through that horrible depression, Orlando had been there. Orlando took care of him, helped him through it. And now that Orlando was going through the hardest thing in his life, there was no one except Ana. Ana—the one thing that kept him sane. Well, sane to a point.
Orlando curled in the corner, wrapped around himself, head against the wall. Ana wasn’t here now, so he could cry and weep and make an ass of himself all he wanted. No one was here to judge. No one except Dominic. “Dominic…please…”
No answer.
“Why are you still here? Why can’t you leave? Why can’t you let me go on with my life? Why do you have such a hold on me? Why? I’m alone. I’m fucking alone. And if I don’t start acting sane Mum’s going to take Ana from me. I need you to go away. As much as it hurts and as much as I told you to never leave me, you have to go. You have to. Please…”
The response rang in Orlandos’ ears like a gunshot. “I’ll never leave you.”
He looked up at the ceiling, pushing his back against the wall. “Dominic, I’m afraid of being alone. You know that. I’ve always been afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of becoming something I’m not. I’m afraid of dying unloved. I’m afraid I’ll lose Ana. I’m afraid that I’ll never be the same now that you’re gone. I’m afraid of what Ana’s going to become. I’m just…afraid.”
Silence. No response, a listening shoulder? Orlando bit his lip.
“Dominic, I love you. I’ll always love you. I’ll never love anyone else but you. But you have to stop haunting me. I can’t sleep. I hardly eat…nothing makes sense. I have no one to wipe away my tears or calm me…I’m so alone Dominic. Even though you’re here, stalking me and haunting me, I’m so alone. So terribly and frighteningly alone. What do you want me to do?”
A ghost of a response, causing Orlando to perk up.
(---)
Months later. Orlando stared at his boyfriend. His new boyfriend and smiled at him. His boyfriend squeezed his hand. “You sure you want to do this?”
Orlando smiled and looked at the rose in his other hand and dropped it on Dominics’ grave. “Yes.”
His boyfriend smiled at him and tangled a hand in those impossibly soft curls. Ana peered around their legs. “Daddy?”
Orlando looked down at her. “Yes?”
“Why are we here?”
“To clean out the closet.”
“But you and uncle Billy already came out of the closet!”
Orlando looked at Billy bewildered. Billy stared back, his expression mirroring Orlandos’.
“Yes, but we’re getting rid of things that have been bothering Daddy, sweetie. It’s an expression.”
“You have too many expressions!”
Orlando smiled and kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. “I love you.”
“I love you too daddy.”
Ana kissed Orlando on the cheek and turned to Billy when he made a neglected noise. She smiled. “And you too Uncle Billy!”
Billy took her from Orlando and walked towards the car, leaving Orlando by himself.
Orlando stared down at the headstone. “I love you, Dominic. You know that…I hope. But now, I’ve got someone who loved us both…and will help me. I hope you approve…and aren’t in heaven plotting ways to kill us.”
Orlando smiled and leaned down, kissing the headstone. “I love you, Dominic.”
My Immortal by Evanesance, 2003
Re: amazing!
*hands you a tissue*
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BTW, this is my favorite song of all time( I even have a Pippin icon with some of the lyrics on it somewhere) and I think you did a superb job of songficcing it.
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i'm verreh glad you liked it :D
its in the top five fave songs of all tiem for me, number one being A Song to Sing by Hanson, i still havent song ficed that...*goes to look for an idea in my sea of plot bunnies*