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fellowshippers2003-12-20 12:05 am
lulla-belle1208.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2003-12-20 12:05 am
(no subject)
Title: In the arms of the Angel (1/1)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Monaboyd
Disclaimer: I don't own Sarahs' song. I don't own Billy. I don't own Dominic. I don't own Elijah, Ian, Sean Astin or Orlando. Unfortunately I don't know them and thankfully this has and never will happen.
Warnings: Deathfic.
Summary: Dominic goes into a coma, Billy feels horrible.
Author: Me, Billylovesdom@hotmail.com
AN: This was inspired by a story that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sheselectric wrote that described me to a tee. So, since that depressed me, I had to take it out on Billy. Sorreh. O_O Also, if you own Mirrorball or The City Of Angels Soundtrack, put it on "Angel" and listen to it.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Billy stared into blank space. This wasn’t true. What Viggo had just told him on the phone wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. Nothing bad was supposed to happen to the person he loved. He stood up, grabbed his wallet and walked out of his house. This was not true, he was being Punk’d or something.
On the flight to LA, Billy remembered everything that had happened between he and Dominic. He closed his eyes, trying to shut it out, knowing he’d get to see Dominic again, knowing…feeling that Dominic would be alright. He remembered the fight. The way he had felt when Dominic had told him how he felt. Remembered calling Dominic every sick name in the book because he was mad at himself, mad at the fact that Dominic was right. He was gay.
They didn’t speak for six months. They hadn’t spoken for six months. Six long, torturing horrible months. Billy was a wanker.
When he arrived at the hospital he ran to the ICU rooms. Billy stared at Viggo who was sitting with his head in his hands in the waiting room. “Billy…”
”Where is he? I want to see him.”
“Hang on, Billy. Let me talk to you before…”
”Now, Viggo. Now.”
Viggo sighed. “Billy, let me tell you about him.”
Billy looked at Viggo. “How bad is it.”
“Doctors’ said he probably won’t make it through the week.”
It hit Billy like a ton of bricks. Dominic…dead? Dying? Not going to live for more than a week? No, Viggo was lying. He shoved Viggo. “No!”
Viggo grabbed Billy. “I’m sorry Billy…I’m sorry.”
Viggo wrapped his arms around Billy, pressing his head against his. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”
“No! He can’t go. He hasn’t forgiven me for hurting him. He can’t go.”
Viggo kissed Billys’ forehead. “C’mon. I’m sure he’ll be glad to know you’re here.”
“He’s awake? I thought…”
“He woke up about two hours ago.”
Billy sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Dominic…
(---)
Dominic stared at the ceiling. What had happened? Where was he? What was going on? He was in so much pain. So much pain. He winced when he moved. Tubes. Tubes everywhere. Which meant needles…and doctors…and no Billy. He closed his eyes. His lip hurt, like it had been split. But his chest, his chest was on fire. It was burning up, like he had been stabbed by something…or worse…shot. He tried to remember what had happened.
But he couldn’t. The last thing he remembered was drinking. Not drinking to have fun, drinking to get drunk. To get so trashed he couldn’t remember English or even his own name. Then he woke up here. He didn’t know the day, the time or even the name of the city he could possibly be in. He remembered the words…the things Billy had said.
“Faggot. Tosser. No good. Sicko. Good for nothing.”
Dominic felt his eyes well up with tears and he looked to the side. ICU? Worse than he thought. Billy…where are you?
(---)
Billy walked in and Dominic looked up. Dominic felt the tears fall down his cheeks. Billys’ heart was crushed. He stepped forward. Dominic opened his mouth. His throat was dry; his tongue was pasted to the roof of his mouth. He croaked out, softly, barely audible. “Billy…”
Billy fought his own tears, trying to be brave not for himself, never for himself, for Dominic. He sat by the bed, staring at Dominic, too afraid to speak. Afraid that all the acting skills in the world couldn’t hide what he knew, what he felt, what was imprinted on his soul. “Hey, Dom.”
Billy forced a smile and Dominic forced one back. “Don’t fake it…Billy.”
“Fake what?”
“That you’re not still mad at me.”
“I’m not…”
Dominic looked at Billy again, tears still slipping from those beautiful blue-gray eyes. Billy reached up and brushed the tears aside. “I’m sorry, Dominic. So sorry…”
Dominic stared at Billy silently, pushing his cheek against Billys’ hand. “Bills?”
Billy forced a half smile at his nickname. “What happened?”
“What do you mean? To us?”
“No. Why am I here?”
Billy felt tears pricking the back of his eyes. How could he tell him? He took a deep breath and looked away from Dominic, he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the machines. “You went drinking…in a bad neighborhood. You left the bar, refusing a cab, you said you wanted to ‘walk home’.” He swallowed. “You were mugged…and shot…twice.” The tears slipped from Billys’ eyes. He couldn’t hold it in. “Dominic…”
He turned and looked at him. Dominic was staring back. “Where was I shot at?”
“The chest…”
“Am I going to die?”
“…”
“Billy,” Dominics’ voice became heavily choked with tears. With fear. Dominic now reeked of fear. “Billy…am I going to die?”
“…”
“Billy, damn it…tell me.”
Billy opened his mouth and he couldn’t say it. “The Doctor…he…the week…”
“I have a week?”
“Less…”
Dominic fell silent. He stared at Billys’ back. Billy was crying, sobbing in fact. Dominic reached one shaky hand out and pressed it on Billys’. Billy turned and stepped closer to the bed, letting Dominic cling to his hand. “I don’t want to die…”
Billy choked. “I don’t want you to…”
“You did six months ago…”
“I was wrong, Dominic…I said those things because I was mad…mad at myself. Never you, Dommie…never you.”
He ran his free hand through Dominics’ shaggy hair, he leaned in and kissed his forehead. “I have to go.”
“Why?”
“ICU rules, only 20 minutes…”
“You’ll be back?”
“Every hour, on the hour Dom.”
Dominic nodded and watched as Billy turned his back on him, walking out.
(---)
Dominic slipped back into a coma within three days of waking. Billy went into the room anyways, sat and stared at Dominic. Cried for Dominic. Knew what was just around the corner. The inevitable. They were going to pull the life-support soon. Billy pressed his head on Dominic’s stomach, crying when Viggo told him. “No…we can’t do that. It’s murder.”
Viggo pulled Billy away from Dominic. “Is it right to let him live as a vegetable?”
“I don’t want him to die…”
“You think I do? Or Elijah? Or Ian? Or Orlando? Or Sean?”
“That’s not what I said!”
“Billy, go to the hotel. I got you a room…go, take a bath…a shower.”
“So they can…”
“Yes!”
Viggo was pained to say it, but it had to be done. Billy hung his head and turned to look at Dominic. He leaned in and kissed Dominics’ forehead softly. He whispered. “I love you, Dominic. I’m so sorry. I was such an ass. I’m sorry…”
Viggo guided Billy out of the room and Billy took the hotel key and left, refusing Elijah or Sean or Orlandos’ company. He needed to be alone.
He flopped on the hotel bed on his back. He stared at the ceiling. Dominic was gone. Never coming back. Gone for good. And it was Billys’ fault. That was the kicker, it was his fault. He had pushed Dominic away and Dominic had started drinking…and Billy…it was Billys’ fault.
Billy sat back up and wiped his eyes. He grabbed the sack from the store and went into the bathroom. He ran a cold tub of water, staring at it, not feeling anything.Billy hadn’t felt anything in a week. Billy hadn’t felt anything in six months. Since he hurt Dominic. Since he made Dominic cry. Since he kicked Dominic out of his life.
Dominic was dying. Dominic was fucking dying. Dominic would be dead by morning. Dominic…Dominic.
Billy tossed everything but his pants off. He dug in the bag and pulled out the razor. What had he been thinking? Hurting the one thing he knew he couldn’t live without. Pushing it out of his life, selfishly thinking the whole time that he’d always be there. And now, Dominic wasn’t going to be there. Wasn’t going to be there. Dominic was going to…heaven? Was there a heaven and hell? Did God exist? If God existed, why had he let Billy do this? Why hadn’t he stopped him?
Billy hated God as well as himself now. He hated God for taking Dominic. Hated him. Billy sank into the water and looked at the small silver razor blade. He slid it smoothly up his left arm. The blood slipped from his pale skin like a river. He switched the blade to his left hand. He didn’t feel it, even as he slid the blade up his right arm, he didn’t feel it. He dropped the blade on the side of the tub and slipped both hands under the so cold water.
It was cold. It was freezing cold. He pushed his head back against the wall and sobbed. He didn’t feel it though. He didn’t feel anything except the pain slipping from his body. Sliding out of him into the water. Sliding around him in a murky red color. He closed his eyes and smiled as he remembered Treebeard and picking fun at Ians’ beard with Dominic, the sabotage against Viggos’ trailer.
The happy images were becoming blurry. They faded to complete black and Billy couldn’t hear or see or move. He was just, there. He didn’t feel pain anymore though, it was dark where he was.
It was 12:35 in the afternoon.
(---)
Viggo stood in the waiting room, waiting for the nurses to deliver the final blow. Just waiting. The nurse came into the waiting room. “Mr. Mortensen?”
Viggos’ head snapped. “Yes?”
“We have some…very good news.”
Viggos’ eyes widened. “What?”
“He woke up.”
“Woke up?”
“Yes…we were and then he just, woke up. He wants Billy.”
She walked off and Viggo sent Elijah to get Billy.
It was 12:36 in the afternoon.
Lyrics by Sarah M. (i cant spell her last name heh)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Monaboyd
Disclaimer: I don't own Sarahs' song. I don't own Billy. I don't own Dominic. I don't own Elijah, Ian, Sean Astin or Orlando. Unfortunately I don't know them and thankfully this has and never will happen.
Warnings: Deathfic.
Summary: Dominic goes into a coma, Billy feels horrible.
Author: Me, Billylovesdom@hotmail.com
AN: This was inspired by a story that
sheselectric wrote that described me to a tee. So, since that depressed me, I had to take it out on Billy. Sorreh. O_O Also, if you own Mirrorball or The City Of Angels Soundtrack, put it on "Angel" and listen to it. Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Billy stared into blank space. This wasn’t true. What Viggo had just told him on the phone wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. Nothing bad was supposed to happen to the person he loved. He stood up, grabbed his wallet and walked out of his house. This was not true, he was being Punk’d or something.
On the flight to LA, Billy remembered everything that had happened between he and Dominic. He closed his eyes, trying to shut it out, knowing he’d get to see Dominic again, knowing…feeling that Dominic would be alright. He remembered the fight. The way he had felt when Dominic had told him how he felt. Remembered calling Dominic every sick name in the book because he was mad at himself, mad at the fact that Dominic was right. He was gay.
They didn’t speak for six months. They hadn’t spoken for six months. Six long, torturing horrible months. Billy was a wanker.
When he arrived at the hospital he ran to the ICU rooms. Billy stared at Viggo who was sitting with his head in his hands in the waiting room. “Billy…”
”Where is he? I want to see him.”
“Hang on, Billy. Let me talk to you before…”
”Now, Viggo. Now.”
Viggo sighed. “Billy, let me tell you about him.”
Billy looked at Viggo. “How bad is it.”
“Doctors’ said he probably won’t make it through the week.”
It hit Billy like a ton of bricks. Dominic…dead? Dying? Not going to live for more than a week? No, Viggo was lying. He shoved Viggo. “No!”
Viggo grabbed Billy. “I’m sorry Billy…I’m sorry.”
Viggo wrapped his arms around Billy, pressing his head against his. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”
“No! He can’t go. He hasn’t forgiven me for hurting him. He can’t go.”
Viggo kissed Billys’ forehead. “C’mon. I’m sure he’ll be glad to know you’re here.”
“He’s awake? I thought…”
“He woke up about two hours ago.”
Billy sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Dominic…
(---)
Dominic stared at the ceiling. What had happened? Where was he? What was going on? He was in so much pain. So much pain. He winced when he moved. Tubes. Tubes everywhere. Which meant needles…and doctors…and no Billy. He closed his eyes. His lip hurt, like it had been split. But his chest, his chest was on fire. It was burning up, like he had been stabbed by something…or worse…shot. He tried to remember what had happened.
But he couldn’t. The last thing he remembered was drinking. Not drinking to have fun, drinking to get drunk. To get so trashed he couldn’t remember English or even his own name. Then he woke up here. He didn’t know the day, the time or even the name of the city he could possibly be in. He remembered the words…the things Billy had said.
“Faggot. Tosser. No good. Sicko. Good for nothing.”
Dominic felt his eyes well up with tears and he looked to the side. ICU? Worse than he thought. Billy…where are you?
(---)
Billy walked in and Dominic looked up. Dominic felt the tears fall down his cheeks. Billys’ heart was crushed. He stepped forward. Dominic opened his mouth. His throat was dry; his tongue was pasted to the roof of his mouth. He croaked out, softly, barely audible. “Billy…”
Billy fought his own tears, trying to be brave not for himself, never for himself, for Dominic. He sat by the bed, staring at Dominic, too afraid to speak. Afraid that all the acting skills in the world couldn’t hide what he knew, what he felt, what was imprinted on his soul. “Hey, Dom.”
Billy forced a smile and Dominic forced one back. “Don’t fake it…Billy.”
“Fake what?”
“That you’re not still mad at me.”
“I’m not…”
Dominic looked at Billy again, tears still slipping from those beautiful blue-gray eyes. Billy reached up and brushed the tears aside. “I’m sorry, Dominic. So sorry…”
Dominic stared at Billy silently, pushing his cheek against Billys’ hand. “Bills?”
Billy forced a half smile at his nickname. “What happened?”
“What do you mean? To us?”
“No. Why am I here?”
Billy felt tears pricking the back of his eyes. How could he tell him? He took a deep breath and looked away from Dominic, he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the machines. “You went drinking…in a bad neighborhood. You left the bar, refusing a cab, you said you wanted to ‘walk home’.” He swallowed. “You were mugged…and shot…twice.” The tears slipped from Billys’ eyes. He couldn’t hold it in. “Dominic…”
He turned and looked at him. Dominic was staring back. “Where was I shot at?”
“The chest…”
“Am I going to die?”
“…”
“Billy,” Dominics’ voice became heavily choked with tears. With fear. Dominic now reeked of fear. “Billy…am I going to die?”
“…”
“Billy, damn it…tell me.”
Billy opened his mouth and he couldn’t say it. “The Doctor…he…the week…”
“I have a week?”
“Less…”
Dominic fell silent. He stared at Billys’ back. Billy was crying, sobbing in fact. Dominic reached one shaky hand out and pressed it on Billys’. Billy turned and stepped closer to the bed, letting Dominic cling to his hand. “I don’t want to die…”
Billy choked. “I don’t want you to…”
“You did six months ago…”
“I was wrong, Dominic…I said those things because I was mad…mad at myself. Never you, Dommie…never you.”
He ran his free hand through Dominics’ shaggy hair, he leaned in and kissed his forehead. “I have to go.”
“Why?”
“ICU rules, only 20 minutes…”
“You’ll be back?”
“Every hour, on the hour Dom.”
Dominic nodded and watched as Billy turned his back on him, walking out.
(---)
Dominic slipped back into a coma within three days of waking. Billy went into the room anyways, sat and stared at Dominic. Cried for Dominic. Knew what was just around the corner. The inevitable. They were going to pull the life-support soon. Billy pressed his head on Dominic’s stomach, crying when Viggo told him. “No…we can’t do that. It’s murder.”
Viggo pulled Billy away from Dominic. “Is it right to let him live as a vegetable?”
“I don’t want him to die…”
“You think I do? Or Elijah? Or Ian? Or Orlando? Or Sean?”
“That’s not what I said!”
“Billy, go to the hotel. I got you a room…go, take a bath…a shower.”
“So they can…”
“Yes!”
Viggo was pained to say it, but it had to be done. Billy hung his head and turned to look at Dominic. He leaned in and kissed Dominics’ forehead softly. He whispered. “I love you, Dominic. I’m so sorry. I was such an ass. I’m sorry…”
Viggo guided Billy out of the room and Billy took the hotel key and left, refusing Elijah or Sean or Orlandos’ company. He needed to be alone.
He flopped on the hotel bed on his back. He stared at the ceiling. Dominic was gone. Never coming back. Gone for good. And it was Billys’ fault. That was the kicker, it was his fault. He had pushed Dominic away and Dominic had started drinking…and Billy…it was Billys’ fault.
Billy sat back up and wiped his eyes. He grabbed the sack from the store and went into the bathroom. He ran a cold tub of water, staring at it, not feeling anything.
Dominic was dying. Dominic was fucking dying. Dominic would be dead by morning. Dominic…Dominic.
Billy tossed everything but his pants off. He dug in the bag and pulled out the razor. What had he been thinking? Hurting the one thing he knew he couldn’t live without. Pushing it out of his life, selfishly thinking the whole time that he’d always be there. And now, Dominic wasn’t going to be there. Wasn’t going to be there. Dominic was going to…heaven? Was there a heaven and hell? Did God exist? If God existed, why had he let Billy do this? Why hadn’t he stopped him?
Billy hated God as well as himself now. He hated God for taking Dominic. Hated him. Billy sank into the water and looked at the small silver razor blade. He slid it smoothly up his left arm. The blood slipped from his pale skin like a river. He switched the blade to his left hand. He didn’t feel it, even as he slid the blade up his right arm, he didn’t feel it. He dropped the blade on the side of the tub and slipped both hands under the so cold water.
It was cold. It was freezing cold. He pushed his head back against the wall and sobbed. He didn’t feel it though. He didn’t feel anything except the pain slipping from his body. Sliding out of him into the water. Sliding around him in a murky red color. He closed his eyes and smiled as he remembered Treebeard and picking fun at Ians’ beard with Dominic, the sabotage against Viggos’ trailer.
The happy images were becoming blurry. They faded to complete black and Billy couldn’t hear or see or move. He was just, there. He didn’t feel pain anymore though, it was dark where he was.
It was 12:35 in the afternoon.
(---)
Viggo stood in the waiting room, waiting for the nurses to deliver the final blow. Just waiting. The nurse came into the waiting room. “Mr. Mortensen?”
Viggos’ head snapped. “Yes?”
“We have some…very good news.”
Viggos’ eyes widened. “What?”
“He woke up.”
“Woke up?”
“Yes…we were and then he just, woke up. He wants Billy.”
She walked off and Viggo sent Elijah to get Billy.
It was 12:36 in the afternoon.
Lyrics by Sarah M. (i cant spell her last name heh)
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Excellent, wonderful, fantastic fic, BTW.
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thank you, i'm very glad you liked it
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The happy images were becoming blurry. They faded to complete black and Billy couldn’t hear or see or move. He was just, there. He didn’t feel pain anymore though, it was dark where he was.
It was 12:35 in the afternoon.
“Yes…we were and then he just, woke up. He wants Billy.”
She walked off and Viggo sent Elijah to get Billy.
It was 12:36 in the afternoon.
this just kills me... *cries*
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sorreh, i blame
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i'm glad you liked it
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sorry i made you cry O_o
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i'm always proud of my deathfics (i have two more, one where Dom dies and then another where elijah commits suicide)
i have an -obsession- with death O_O probably not healthy
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Nah, you're talking to somebody who finds pain fascinating..
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*is absolutely speechless* It hurts, just to read it....
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First, songfic with all time favorite song..wow
Second..this made me cry more than ROTK...nuff said
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i'm always proud of my deathfics (i have two more, one where Dom dies and then another where elijah commits suicide)
i have an -obsession- with death O_O probably not healthy
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Since you seem familiar with Sarah M., have you heard her latest CD? I swear half of those songs are talking about events in LOTR..and if not they fit very well for both FPS and RPS in this fandom
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When You're Gone (http://www.livejournal.com/community/ringspell/13432.html#cutid1)
err sorrh this took so long, my computer is..yes not working lol
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i hope that means you liked it.