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fellowshippers2006-08-03 09:14 pm
v-angelique.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2006-08-03 09:14 pm
Fic: Controlled 4/45
Title: Controlled (4/45)
Author: Viktoria Angelique
Email: viktoria_angelique@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17 for series, PG-13 for this part
Pairing: Elijah/Viggo (coming up)
Warnings: BDSM, mention het this part
Disclaimer: If this were true the world might be a better place.
Feedback: I love it!
Summary: Elijah considers his ideal relationship.
A/N: Sorry this is such a short chapter! I promise Monday's is much, much longer to make up for it.
In his day-to-day life, Elijah supposed he had a fair amount of control.
He had read plenty of articles online about the reasons one might become a submissive, and the majority of them boiled down to two things, as far as control was concerned. Either someone had a lot of control in real life, and wanted that taken away from them, or they didn’t feel like they had very much control, and so they wanted someone who could reflect that more safely in the bedroom.
Elijah didn’t really fit into either of these categories. For him, submission was about a different kind of control. In his day-to-day relations, he had always had an instinct to please. His gifts were more generous than necessary, he was always the one to volunteer for a task, and he would never do something to a girl that he didn’t think she liked, or ask for something he didn’t feel he deserved. For some, he supposed, this sort of instinct drove one to submission out of a desire to please a master, to grovel, to kneel, and to respond to another’s every whim. For Elijah, though, it wasn’t about that.
Elijah didn’t like having control. He didn’t want to be the nice one, and he didn’t want to always subvert his wants to what another preferred. He was sick of saying “no, no, that’s fine.” Elijah wanted to be with someone whose dominance forced him to take pleasure, someone who would say, “no, bitch, you’re going to take this and you’re going to like it.” Elijah knew that he could never ask for what he wanted sexually, or any other way, really. He needed someone to force him to ask, to force him to enjoy himself.
For Elijah, loss of control was not about giving someone else infinite pleasure, but about letting go enough to receive it himself. He could make another person happy, sure, but he didn’t want to think about that. He longed for a sort of freedom that would come from allowing another person to make the decisions, letting them take what they wanted but also being made to accept his own needs. He knew it was a risk, as it would be easy for a dominant partner to abuse someone like Elijah rather than giving him what he really needed. However, this, for Elijah, was what submission was.
Occasionally, as the New Zealand nights crept on and he continued to be alone in his bed, listening to the chirping of the wetas and other unfamiliar nighttime sounds, Elijah would think of Angela. He wondered, had it happened another way, could he have been happy with her? He didn’t think so.
Angela was certainly forceful, but she was the wrong kind of forceful. She had read up on everything imaginable, knew all kinds of kink, and knew about pain. She was big on formality, on scenes, on forms of address. But that wasn’t what Elijah hoped for, and that wasn’t what kept him up at night, sweat pooling at the small of his back.
For Angela, it would be over when the scene was over. Angela had a clear line between “vanilla” and “kink,” and when a scene ended, it would be back to your standard romantic relationship. Elijah would take her on dates, buy her flowers, give her what she wanted, and ultimately feel guilty for his own desires. Angela would put him on his knees arbitrarily, but she wasn’t intuitive enough to know when he actually needed to submit, when he wanted to feel pain.
For Elijah did like pain. Oh yes, he had fantasies of being held down, twisted into odd positions, branded with wax or spanked with the sharp metal buckle of a plain leather belt. But for him, these were not arbitrary fantasies. This would come from a relationship in which he could express his deepest desires, his darkest wants. His dominant would force him to be completely open and honest, and not take no for an answer. He would have to say what he wanted, and his lover would give it to him, because to see Elijah happy would make his lover happy.
For Elijah, the ideal relationship would be something different than what Angela wanted. It would not be about kink on the side, or artificial roles, but about living as a submissive. Elijah was not a slave, and he did not grovel. He might beg, occasionally, but only for something he really wanted. Submission for him was about truth, naked honesty that could only come with someone he felt completely safe with. He suspected, in fact he was almost certain, that this person in all their brilliance and intuitiveness did not actually exist, but Elijah couldn’t help but hold out a naïve hope. Maybe, someday, his saviour would come to him, and he would be finally at peace.
Author: Viktoria Angelique
Email: viktoria_angelique@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17 for series, PG-13 for this part
Pairing: Elijah/Viggo (coming up)
Warnings: BDSM, mention het this part
Disclaimer: If this were true the world might be a better place.
Feedback: I love it!
Summary: Elijah considers his ideal relationship.
A/N: Sorry this is such a short chapter! I promise Monday's is much, much longer to make up for it.
In his day-to-day life, Elijah supposed he had a fair amount of control.
He had read plenty of articles online about the reasons one might become a submissive, and the majority of them boiled down to two things, as far as control was concerned. Either someone had a lot of control in real life, and wanted that taken away from them, or they didn’t feel like they had very much control, and so they wanted someone who could reflect that more safely in the bedroom.
Elijah didn’t really fit into either of these categories. For him, submission was about a different kind of control. In his day-to-day relations, he had always had an instinct to please. His gifts were more generous than necessary, he was always the one to volunteer for a task, and he would never do something to a girl that he didn’t think she liked, or ask for something he didn’t feel he deserved. For some, he supposed, this sort of instinct drove one to submission out of a desire to please a master, to grovel, to kneel, and to respond to another’s every whim. For Elijah, though, it wasn’t about that.
Elijah didn’t like having control. He didn’t want to be the nice one, and he didn’t want to always subvert his wants to what another preferred. He was sick of saying “no, no, that’s fine.” Elijah wanted to be with someone whose dominance forced him to take pleasure, someone who would say, “no, bitch, you’re going to take this and you’re going to like it.” Elijah knew that he could never ask for what he wanted sexually, or any other way, really. He needed someone to force him to ask, to force him to enjoy himself.
For Elijah, loss of control was not about giving someone else infinite pleasure, but about letting go enough to receive it himself. He could make another person happy, sure, but he didn’t want to think about that. He longed for a sort of freedom that would come from allowing another person to make the decisions, letting them take what they wanted but also being made to accept his own needs. He knew it was a risk, as it would be easy for a dominant partner to abuse someone like Elijah rather than giving him what he really needed. However, this, for Elijah, was what submission was.
Occasionally, as the New Zealand nights crept on and he continued to be alone in his bed, listening to the chirping of the wetas and other unfamiliar nighttime sounds, Elijah would think of Angela. He wondered, had it happened another way, could he have been happy with her? He didn’t think so.
Angela was certainly forceful, but she was the wrong kind of forceful. She had read up on everything imaginable, knew all kinds of kink, and knew about pain. She was big on formality, on scenes, on forms of address. But that wasn’t what Elijah hoped for, and that wasn’t what kept him up at night, sweat pooling at the small of his back.
For Angela, it would be over when the scene was over. Angela had a clear line between “vanilla” and “kink,” and when a scene ended, it would be back to your standard romantic relationship. Elijah would take her on dates, buy her flowers, give her what she wanted, and ultimately feel guilty for his own desires. Angela would put him on his knees arbitrarily, but she wasn’t intuitive enough to know when he actually needed to submit, when he wanted to feel pain.
For Elijah did like pain. Oh yes, he had fantasies of being held down, twisted into odd positions, branded with wax or spanked with the sharp metal buckle of a plain leather belt. But for him, these were not arbitrary fantasies. This would come from a relationship in which he could express his deepest desires, his darkest wants. His dominant would force him to be completely open and honest, and not take no for an answer. He would have to say what he wanted, and his lover would give it to him, because to see Elijah happy would make his lover happy.
For Elijah, the ideal relationship would be something different than what Angela wanted. It would not be about kink on the side, or artificial roles, but about living as a submissive. Elijah was not a slave, and he did not grovel. He might beg, occasionally, but only for something he really wanted. Submission for him was about truth, naked honesty that could only come with someone he felt completely safe with. He suspected, in fact he was almost certain, that this person in all their brilliance and intuitiveness did not actually exist, but Elijah couldn’t help but hold out a naïve hope. Maybe, someday, his saviour would come to him, and he would be finally at peace.
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Loves V/E
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