ext_46251 ([identity profile] sairalinde.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fellowshippers2006-01-07 11:15 am

Title: Honor Bound Chapter 5/?

Title: Honor Bound Chapter 5/?
Authors: [livejournal.com profile] sairalinde & [livejournal.com profile] anorienbean
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: David Wenham/Craig Parker
Disclaimer: No money was made from this fic, and we do not mean to imply anything about the sexual preferences of anyone mentioned within.
Summary: A knight in the King's service, attacked by thieves and lost in the forest in the dead of winter, finds himself on the doorstep of a kind farmer who takes him in and cares for him. Falling in love with his savior, the knight is bound by an oath taken years ago against his better judgment.





David opened the bedroom door and stepped inside to see Craig standing next to the bed wearing one of his nightshirts. He smiled as he crossed to the dresser to get his own nightshirt but soon frowned when he heard Craig cough. His cough had improved much the last few days but he was still having trouble breathing particularly at night. Turning around, he shook his head, "Do...do you want me to sleep in here again tonight?" he asked softly. He hoped that Craig said yes just so he could be near him, but he would understand if the man decided that he no longer needed David. He barely realized how tightly he was clutching the nightshirt against his chest as he waited for Craig's response.

Craig held on to the nightstand as he continued to cough for a moment, realizing that David was concerned, and trying his best not to worry him further. When the latest round of coughing finally dissipated, he stood up and worried his bottom lip, still slightly gasping for air. He wanted David to sleep with him but couldn’t help wondering if it didn’t make him uncomfortable or if he could luxuriate in sleeping next to him for one more night. Innocently, of course, but comforting and safe, at the same time. He took a deep breath and blushed. “I…well, if you wouldn’t mind, just one more night, maybe?” he said, averting his eyes and looking toward the bed. “I’m still having a little trouble breathing and after that last nightmare…well, I think I could rest easier.”

"I don't mind at all," David said smiling and then cursing himself for seeming over eager. "I umm...I should change then...I'll be right back," he said stepping back through the door. He changed quickly and then slipped back into the bedroom finding Craig already in bed. He walked over to the fireplace, laying another log on for the night before going around the bed and crawling in beside Craig. He wasn't sure what to do, so he simply lay staring up at the ceiling. The last few nights Craig hadn't been this awake, and David was afraid he would see or sense how he felt about Craig.

“Thank you,” Craig smiled, as he too stared up at the ceiling. He wished he could simply wrap his arms around David and hold him like he had the past few nights, but, he was better now, and had no right to wish for such things. The room was cool, however, despite the fire, and he wondered if maybe they shouldn’t move closer together…for warmth. //Don’t be ridiculous. You have to stop thinking this way. He isn’t yours to want, even if you were in a position to want him…which you aren’t.// “It feels good knowing you’re near…just in case I have another nightmare.” As soon as he’d lain down, his breathing had become more labored, and he was wheezing again, though not as badly as he had in the previous few days.

David smiled and rolled to face Craig, "You're welcome," he said softly. "I am just glad I can be of help. It...it feels good to be able to take care of someone." David shifted slightly and rested his cheek on his hand as he watched Craig. "I wish I could do more." His eyes dropped to the sheets between them, afraid that Craig might see more in his eyes than what he was saying. He wanted to move closer to him, he wanted to put is arms around Craig and rest his head against his shoulder as he had the night of Craig's nightmare. Or to feel Craig lying against him as he had the night of his fever. He sighed softly and tried to push those thoughts away.

Craig turned on his side as well, facing David and smiling back at him. “You’ve done plenty…more than enough, actually,” he smiled, feeling his heart skip a beat as he studied David’s face. “I was wondering…” Pausing, he felt the cough starting again, and his breath rattled in his chest. The coughs weren’t as deep this time, but still left him gasping for air and sitting up, leaning against the headboard. “Sorry. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever get over this cough.”

David sat up onto his knees next to him when Craig started coughing. Reaching out, automatically his fingers wrapped around Craig's, "You will...some things just take time," David said softly. He worried his bottom lip as Craig gasped, and it registered how cold his hand was. "You're cold," he whispered. "Here," David whispered fluffing Craig's pillow and coaxing him to lay back, he pulled the covers up around him and scooted closer as he lay back down in the bed. He rested his head on the pillow close to Craig and tangled his fingers with his again, his other hand rubbing over the back of Craig's trying to warm him.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Craig couldn’t help simply enjoying the feel of David’s hand wrapped around his own. He tried to convince himself that, even though they were sharing a bed, it meant nothing other than comfort and support, but he already knew that was a lie. His fingers curled over David’s and he felt his breathing evening out, though it was still a little faster than normal, simply because David was so close. “It is a bit chilly in here,” he agreed. “Are you cold as well?” //It *is* his house, and if he’s cold, the least I can do is offer what warmth I can, since he’s taken such good care of me. It’s the only polite thing to do…It’s not like I’m cheating on Karl or anything…I would never do that. But sharing body warmth is something else entirely.//

"It is a little cool, but I'm more concerned about you. I don't want you getting worse before you get better," David said sliding a little closer. //Great, make him think you want him to get well so he'll leave. Idiot.// David closed his eyes and sighed. "If...if it will help, we can share our body warmth again...I...I know you have someone in St. Albans...would...would they not mind? You are much more awake than you have been the past nights, and I don't want to overstep any bounds."

Craig was shaking his head before David had finished talking. “You won’t be overstepping any bounds at all,” he smiled, moving closer and sliding one arm underneath David’s head. “It *is* cold in here, and Karl wouldn’t mind in the least. Our oath is…well, unusual, to say the least. We aren’t in love, per say, and I know he would be grateful for all you’ve done for me.”

David startled as Craig said they weren't in love and leaned up to stare at him in shock. "Aren't in love? I...I don't understand...you have an oath but...you aren't in love?" he asked in confusion. He blinked, wondering if he'd missed something in their previous conversations.

“No,” Craig said, looking up to meet David’s gaze. “Karl and I are…we’ve been best friends for years. I love him as a friend, but we’ve both known we weren’t *in love* with each other. Karl…he doesn’t really believe in anything more than what we have, but I’ve always thought that somewhere, real love was waiting for me. I just needed to find it. The oath…It was important to Karl. He wanted us to give our word to each other that we wouldn’t be intimate with anyone else…kind of a security measure, I think. I tried to talk him out of it, but I couldn’t bear to hurt him. So, against my better judgment, I agreed. I…//wish, now, after seeing you, that I had never given my word, for I would give anything to make love to you, David. Anything at all.// …I have often wished I’d tried harder to make him see that it wasn’t a good idea.”

David stared at Craig for a few minutes and nodded, "Why don't you think it was a good idea? I mean if you love him as a friend and there isn't anyone else you want... If you did fall in love with someone else...would he release you from it?" David asked curiously. Part of him was hopeful that by some miracle Craig could love him after knowing this, but he knew that was only wishful thinking. Besides Karl would have to be insane to let someone like Craig go.

Craig smiled and shook his head again. “I don’t think it was a good idea because I knew that some day, one, or both of us might find real love. I care a great deal for Karl, and I always will, but I will never be in love with him. As for releasing me…I think that he would, if he saw that I truly loved another. He knows that I’ve always dreamed of finding real, true love that would stand the test of time.” //If you would give me but one hint that you could love me, David…one hint at all, I would get on my knees and beg him to release me, if I needed to.//

David smiled as Craig spoke of true love standing the test of time. "So your...relationship with him is strictly friendship and....physical?" he asked curiously. He felt a stab of jealousy but he knew that he didn't have that right. He may be in love with Craig, but Craig wasn't in love with him. He knew he shouldn't even let himself hope, but he couldn't help himself.

“Yes,” Craig sighed. “Neither of us is the type to seek out just anyone to sleep with. We both think it should mean something, and we decided years ago that, even without the oath, we didn’t want to do as the other men in the castle, and seek release at the hands of a stranger or just anyone who happened to wander by at the time. It’s funny though…we’ve been together for a long time, yet our physical relationship is just…just a familiar, comfortable release. To be honest, we have sex, but, as far as I know, neither of us has ever made love, because we’ve never been in love with anyone. Does that make sense?”

David nodded, "It does make sense," he said, though he didn't quite understand completely. He'd never had sex with anyone, nor had he ever been in love, so he wasn't sure if he was really qualified to comment. "I've never either," he whispered softly and rested his head against Craig's shoulder. He didn't realize that his statement wouldn't quite be understood by the other man.

Craig’s arm automatically went around David’s shoulder, pulling him close, then drawing the blankets higher over them both. “Never been in love, or made love?” he asked. “I know that’s kind of personal, but…I mean…are you like me? Just had sex, and waiting for the ‘making love’ part of your life to begin?”

David nearly snuggled against Craig as his arm wrapped around him, but he resisted the urge. Then as Craig's question sounded in his mind, he raised up to look at him. "No...I mean....I've never been in love //until now// and...and I've never...made love or...or had sex before," David admitted feeling his blush spread from his neck all the way to the tips of his ears.

Craig’s eyes widened and he wondered if he’d heard right. “You’ve never…oh.” His voice trailed off and he lay there for a moment, stunned speechless. “I...guess I just never thought….I mean, someone as handsome and kind as yourself…I would think you would be quite sought after. I know for a fact the men and women of my city would fight for your affections without question.” //I know I would.//

David felt his blush deepen even more as Craig spoke and shook his head, "I...I've never really met anyone that I wanted to share that with, //until I met you//. I always thought that I'd meet someone and fall in love...and share that with them...but, as you know, I don't exactly socialize much," he whispered. "Hugo has told me that I should just 'get it over with' and visit the brothel but I just don't want that with some random stranger. And...I'm not particularly attracted to women," he said giving a small shrug. He was however, particularly attracted to a blue-eyed knight who happened to be sharing his bed, and who had completely stolen his heart...who was obligated to another. If Craig were not obligated to Karl and if he showed any interest in David, he would beg him before he left his farm to make love to him. Just so that he would know what it could be like.

“It seems we are both looking for love, doesn’t it?” Craig mused. “I hope we both find it one day. //And you have no idea how much I wish we could find it in each other’s arms.// For a brief moment, he thought about how hard it would be to leave David, and his entire body shivered. Whether David could ever love him or not, Craig couldn’t deny the feelings the other man stirred deep in his heart. Feelings that he’d never known before, and, after he left this place, may never feel again. //I cannot do this to Karl…I cannot keep this promise when I have such strong feelings for another. No matter how David feels about me, I need to be released from my promise. As soon as I return to the castle, I will speak with him, and only hope that he will agree…even if it means I will sleep alone for the rest of my life.//

"Yes, I supposed we both are," David murmured though he knew deep down he already had. He may never have been in love before, but he knew what he felt for Craig was real. He noticed Craig's shiver and assumed it was from the cold. He scooted closer and rested his head against him again as he pulled the covers up over them. "I'm sorry, you've gotten cold again," he whispered unable to resist snuggling against the other man. He wished with all his heart that Craig would find love with him.

A soft, content sigh escaped from Craig’s lips and he smiled as David’s hair tickled his chin. All he could think about was much how he’d love to be the first and only one this man in his arms ever made love to. He’d been more alert all day, and throughout their many conversations, he’d grown to admire and respect David. And now, lying here like this, with David curled up against him, he had to wonder just exactly when he’d fallen in love. Because this was love…whether he would ever say the words out loud, or simply keep them to himself forever, he had no doubt that it was love. In the back of his mind, he wondered if there was any way he could come back and try to win David’s heart after Karl had released him from his promise, even though David probably wouldn’t be interested. Still, he thought, he could hope.

David closed his eyes and reveled in the feel of Craig's arm around him. He yawned and smiled sleepily. "Goodnight, Craig," he whispered. "Sweet dreams..." his words trailed off as the work of the day finally caught up with him. Out of all of the farm work he was accustomed to, the things he enjoyed the most were taking care of Craig. He knew deep down that he would love the opportunity to always take care of him that way. Not just when he was ill but all the time. He knew he was going to sorely miss Craig once he returned to St. Albans but he forced himself to not dwell on that, and just be grateful for the time he still had left with this amazing man.

“Goodnight,” Craig said softly. He waited until David’s breathing was deep and even and tilted his head so he could breathe in the clean, fresh smell of soft copper-colored hair. His eyes closed and he wondered if holding David after they made love would feel this perfect. Reaching his free hand up to gently brush the long hair back from David’s forehead, he pressed his lips just beneath the hairline in a soft kiss. “Sweet dreams,” he whispered.

~~~

TBC