The Christmas Elf 1/2 Sean Bean/Orlando Bloom

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

author: zebraljb
rating: PROBABLY nc17, but I'm not sure, as it isn't done yet
disclaimer: I don't know anything about Orlando and/or Sean except that they are from England. I know nothing of their sexuality, what they like or don't like.
note: I took great liberty of playing with 'real life' during filming. I doubt Sean's ex told him he couldn't see his kids because they went skiing in Austria. Be kind in that regard. It's fiction.
note #2: for the wonderful dalehead. I promised her a BeanOrli Christmas Elf story, and never got around to it last year. 2005 was a rough one for her, so I hope this helps a teeny tiny bit. She's up with the angels now, love.



Orlando sighed, dropping his chin into the palm of one hand. He smiled faintly as Dom and Billy tackled Sean to the ground, pinning him and pretending to punch him. He loved this scene; thought it brought out a lot of the Fellowship’s camaraderie as well as providing well-needed comic relief.

“That’s good, but can we do it one more time?” Peter asked, walking over to give Sean some private direction.

“You know, the costume women are going to have your guts for garters,” Viggo commented quietly after sitting down next to Orlando.

“What? Where?” Orlando started to stand, madly searching his costume. He had been very careful to choose a smooth place to sit, with no sharp objects or jagged rocks within at least a yard of him.

“Shh.” Viggo put his hand on Orlando’s knee to keep him from rising. “Not you. Sean.”

“Beanie?”

“Yes. You’re staring holes through him,” Viggo teased, and Orlando turned bright red.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He composed himself, sitting in what he hoped was a serene, elflike manner.

“Remember who you’re talking to,” Viggo said softly, trying to keep their conversation as private as possible in the crowded area. “Who here knows you better than I do, Orlando?”

Orlando frowned. He and Viggo had enjoyed a brief fling during Viggo’s first month in New Zealand, realizing that while the sexual sparks crackled like mad between them, they much preferred a good and solid friendship. Orlando had assumed that his infatuation was well hidden…but then Viggo could always see through him. “You cannot tease me about this, Vig.”

“Ranger’s honor,” Viggo promised, holding up his sword.

Orlando sighed. “He’s amazing, isn’t he? So quiet and contained, and then he becomes Boromir and…rawr.” He made a cat-scratch motion with his hand.

Viggo grinned. “Rawr, huh?” Orlando nodded. “Are you sure it’s Sean you’re after, and not Boromir?”

“I’m not “after” him, Viggo,” Orlando said, annoyed. “I’m not a predator of any sort. You know that. I just really like him. No, that sounds like I’m a fifteen-year-old girl. I admire him. I respect him.”

“You want to shag him from here to Sheffield and back,” Viggo offered. Orlando glared at him. “Am I wrong?”

“Well, no,” Orlando admitted, and Viggo chuckled.

“There’s nothing wrong with any of that, Orlando.”

“Yeah, except, you know, that he’s married and obviously straight.”

“Divorced,” Viggo corrected. “And possibly bi.”

Orlando stared at him. “I’m sorry?”

“We talk a lot, he and I. That happens when you’re the two grown ups in a pile of Hobbits-n-Elf,” Viggo said, earning a slap to the back of his head. “After a few pints, he may have admitted a definite leaning towards his own sex.”

“I almost wish you wouldn’t have told me that,” Orlando moaned, burying his face in his knees. “I did better when I thought I didn’t have a chance.”

“You can’t get him by your usual tarty prancing around,” Viggo said seriously.

Orlando’s head flew up. “Did you just call me a TART?”

“Shh!” Viggo hissed. “Yes, and you know why. I’m not calling you a slut, Orli, I’m just saying that you live your sexual life so casually, like anyone’s good enough. With Sean, he doesn’t want to just be good enough. He wants to be the ONLY one good enough.” Viggo put a hand on Orlando’s shoulder, his eyes kind. “Orlando, Sean’s lonely. I know that for a fact. I also know that for all that you pretend to be the life of the party, you’re lonely, too. You two would be great together, as long as you are really serious about all this.” He squeezed Orlando’s shoulder and stood. “Think about it.”


Sean slumped in the booth, arm automatically bending to bring the beer to his lips, though he really wasn’t paying attention. Viggo was doing what he did best: listening. “Like I wouldn’t want to go home, ya know? What the hell was she thinking, taking them to Austria?”

“Maybe they want to ski,” Viggo finally said, wincing at the glare he received. “Sorry. Never mind. What do I know?”

“Merry fucking Christmas,” Sean said with a sigh.

The door to the pub flew open, then slammed closed. Viggo’s eyes widened as he saw Orlando bounce towards them. “Hey, how’s it going?” He flopped onto the booth next to Sean. “Hey, Beanie.”

“Hello, Orlando,” Viggo said with slightly gritted teeth. Now was NOT the time for Orlando to try and flirt with Sean. He caught Orlando’s eye and ever so slightly shook his head.

“Hi, Vig,” Orlando looked at him questioningly, then took a good hard look at Sean. There were bags under his eyes and he looked exhausted. “Uh, rough day on set? Did they make you die again?” He asked sympathetically, putting a hand on Sean’s leg.

“No, but I feel dead.” Sean twirled the coaster on the table. “My ex is taking my kids to Austria for Christmas…told me it’s really not worth it for me to come home.”

“Can she DO that?” Orlando gasped.

“Apparently.”

Orlando’s touch was gentle as he laid his hand on Sean’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, mate. I know you were looking forward to it.”

Sean shrugged, giving Orlando a brief smile. “Not much I can do about it.”

“You’ll just have to come up with something fun for us to do then,” Orlando said. “I’ll even let you pick.”

Viggo stared. Sean stared. “M’sorry?” Sean finally asked.

“Well, we’ll be here alone for Christmas…I don’t know anyone else that’s really staying around,” Orlando said. “It’s sunny and warm here on Christmas. We could picnic at the beach, or go hiking…it’ll be great.”

“Why aren’t you going home?” Viggo asked finally.

Orlando’s eyes narrowed. He knew Viggo thought he was making it up as he went along. “Well, I know Mum wants me home, but I just didn’t feel like making that long trek for a few short days.” He shrugged bashfully. “I don’t have kids like…like you two, and it’s not the same. I’m sure she’ll get over it.”

“And just what were you going to DO alone here over the holiday?” Sean asked.

“I don’t know. Find a cliff to jump off of, find a plane to chute out of…I hadn’t thought too much about it.”

“I am NOT chuting out of a bloody plane,” Sean snapped, and Orlando grinned.

“I’d never dream of asking you to.” He stood. “You think about it. If you want to get together, that’d be great. I hate to think of you moping about your kids, though I understand. If not, that’s fine, too. See you two tomorrow.” Orlando gracefully loped to the door, channeling more of Legolas than he realized.

The older men watched him go, shaking their heads.


The next day, Sean walked up to Orlando, who was standing with Billy and Dom, playing some sort of game involving a rock and a piece of bark. “I think you’re full of it,” Orlando was saying. “You’re making this up as you go along!”

“Dammit, don’t say that so loud,” Billy hissed. “We’re trying to fine tune it so we can teach it to Elijah and tell him it’s an old British holiday tradition.”

“Orlando,” Sean said.

Orlando LOVED the way his name sounded in Sean’s accent. He never heard it enough; Sean usually called him “elf” like most of the others did. “Hey, Sean.”

“Where would we get the food?”

Orlando stared at him. “Huh?”

“Food comes from the ground,” Billy said helpfully.

“Or a tree,” Dom added.

“Or a store,” they said together.

Orlando inwardly winced. He was trying to act more mature, more together, when he saw Sean, and the Hobbits weren’t helping. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“For this beach picnic of yours. It sounds like it might be nice.” Orlando’s smile flashed out, catching Sean unawares. He had never realized how bright Orlando’s smile seemed to make the world around him.

“Beach picnic?” Billy asked.

“You didn’t mention anything to us,” Dom said accusingly.

“Maybe because you two will be thousands of miles away over Christmas, fuck you very much,” Orlando snapped.

“Oh.” Billy blushed.

“I was thinking of getting Food Services to whip us up something that I can keep in my icebox ‘til then,” Orlando said. “Unless you can think of something better.”

“No. That’d be great.” Sean walked away without saying anything more.

“He’s staying here?” Dom asked.

“It didn’t work out at home,” was all Orlando would say.

That night the fantasy was much easier to concoct. The setting was simple…at the beach on their Christmas picnic. Orlando lay on his bed, naked as the day he was born, eyes closed as he slowly fisted his cock. He pictured Sean standing over him, stroking his own cock as his eyes wandered over Orlando. “I’ve wanted you for ages, Orli. Now you’re gonna get every last inch o’ me.” The mere thought of Sean wanting him was enough to make Orlando come hard and fast, head tossing on his pillow.

The phone rang, making him yelp. “H-hello?”

“Orlando? It’s Beanie,” the familiar voice said.

Orlando’s face burned with horrified shame. “Y-yes?”

“Are you okay? You sound out of breath.”

“Fine…just, uh, hurried to the phone.”

“I wanted to thank you for offering to spend the holiday with me. You’re right; when you have children, things are just different. I appreciate you not pressing the issue. It’ll be nice to spend the time with someone special.”

“Oh, well, no problem.” Orlando desperately wanted to ask just how special he was to Sean, but didn’t want to push too hard. “We’ll work out the details next week.”

“Aye. Talk to you later.”