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fellowshippers2005-11-07 08:22 pm
sairalinde.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2005-11-07 08:22 pm
A Different Light Chapter: 13
A Different Light Chapter: 13
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sairalinde & anorienbean
Pairing: David Wenham/Craig Parker
Rating: Adult for graphic m/m sex
Archiving: Saira’s Library, Here With Me, Mirrormere, OEAM, others please ask first
Feedback: Yes, please. We live for it. Send to: sairalinde @ hornofgondor.com, or thechroniclesofosgiliath @ yahoo.com
Disclaimer: None of this happened except in our fantasies. We are in no way are implying anything about the sexual preferences of either of our main characters, or any other peripheral characters used in this story.
Summary: A wealthy businessman is forced to do volunteer work and meets a handsome social worker who changes his views about the homeless and about love.
//Indicate thoughts
David walked through the doors of the shelter and smiled as he saw Mirry clearing one of the tables with some of the residents’ help. He waved and walked straight back to Craig's office. Finding his lover going over some files on his desk, he leaned against the door frame and smiled. "Hey you," he grinned. He hoped that for the next several days that Craig wouldn't have to even *think* about the grants and paperwork.
Running a hand through his hair, Craig’s smile lit up his face as when he saw David standing in the doorway. It had been a horrible day, he was behind on everything, Hugo had went to live with relatives and now he was short a cook, he’d been turned down by one of the grants he depended on because they decided their money could best be used elsewhere, and one of the low rent apartments down the street had just burned down, meaning the evening would bring over twenty new people needing a place to sleep. He’d debated on calling John in to help him make arrangements, but he wasn’t scheduled to come in until the next day, and Craig hated being an imposition, even though he really could have used the help. He’d be lucky if he even got to go home in the next couple of days, even with David and John both helping.
All his dark thoughts fled from his mind, though, when he looked at David. “Hello, handsome,” he smiled, crossing the room to wrap his arms around his lover and rest his head on David’s chest. “It seems like it’s been *days* since I kissed you goodbye this morning. I missed you.”
David grinned and slipped his arms around Craig's waist, giving him a soft kiss against the top of his head. "Missed you too," he whispered. "And...I have a proposition for you," he said stepping into the office and shutting the door behind him so they could have some privacy. Craig had said John had worked at another shelter, and he had said he'd love to get away sometime with David...so there was no time like the present since he *had* to go to Hong Kong because of a problem that occurred with the merger.
“Hmmm,” Craig smiled, leaning back against his desk and trying to ignore the files scattered behind him. “I always love your propositions. What exactly do you have in mind?”
"Well....there's been a problem with the merger. So I thought that maybe you'd like to come with me to straighten it out. Just a short trip, mix business and pleasure....and get you away from this place. You'd said you hadn't had a vacation in nine years. We can go back to your place, I can help you pack a suitcase. The flight to Hong Kong leaves in two hours," David said smiling.
“Two hours? Hong Kong?” Craig stammered. He *wanted* to go…wanted to go more than anything. Just to spend time with David and forget the hassles of their jobs for a few days sounded like heaven. He looked helplessly around his office and thought of the people that would be arriving in a few hours, people he hadn’t even began to make room for, people that were depending on him for food and shelter and clothes. “Oh, sweetheart, I’d love to go, but…but I can’t. Not today. The shelter…I just can’t leave today.”
David frowned, "But...I thought you said that you wanted to get away sometime and that John has a lot of experience? That he ran a shelter in Chicago for years… I don't understand," he said wondering why Craig wouldn't want to go.
“I *do* want to get away with you, love,” Craig said, reaching out to take David’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “And John does have experience, but that was in Chicago. Things are different here and I’m afraid to leave him fully in charge so soon, until I know that he can handle it. I’ve never been away from the shelter for more than a day, and I’m just scared something will go wrong.”
"Craig, the shelter will still be here when you get back, it's only a few days. And just because John ran a shelter in Chicago, it's not that different I'd think. I mean it's not exactly rocket science. The hardest part really is the paperwork and I'll help you with that when we get back," David said still not understanding why Craig couldn't just let go of the shelter for a few days. He got wrapped up in his job too, but he *had* taken time off before. Craig wouldn't even spend a full weekend with him without checking in on the shelter at least by phone. "There are phones in Hong Kong, and I'll have my laptop we can always check in," he said hoping he could get him to change his mind.
Craig felt slightly stung at David’s words about this not being rocket science, and looked down at the floor for a moment. They’d never really fought over anything in the months they’d been together, and David didn’t seem to realize how badly he wanted to go…he simply couldn’t. Not today. He released his lover’s hand and walked back to sit behind his desk. “I know they have phones, *sweetheart*, but I can’t leave. If there was any way possible, I would, but John simply can’t handle this by himself yet with so much going on. Can’t you wait a few days and let me line up someone else…someone that I know well and trust to watch over everything?”
David sighed, "No, unfortunately I can’t. I have to go take care of some problems with the merger and it can't wait, I had hoped you'd go with me though. We've...we've not spent a single night apart in months. Hell I guess I'm being selfish here but I also think you're acting a bit like a mother hen here. This shelter is not going to implode without you here, ya know? I just wish you'd realize that *you* aren't this shelter. I wish others here would realize that too. You deserve a life...hell WE deserve a life Craig. I realize it's short notice, I'm....I'm sorry. I don't *want* to go without you...but I guess I have to," he said leaning against the wall. //Why can't he just let go of this place for a couple days?//
Craig took a deep breath and stared at David for a moment. “Mother hen? David, the people here *need* me. I thought you understood that. I don’t want to spend the night away from you, but I can’t leave. If you can’t put off your trip, then, then…..I guess I’ll see you when you get back.” His heart sank and his stomach clenched as he said the words. He wavered for a moment, wondering if John *could* handle everything, when he heard a knock on the door. With a sigh, he asked whoever was on the other side if it could wait, and heard one of the residents complain that he needed to talk to Craig *now*, that he had an emergency. “See?” he sighed again. “I’d go with you if I could, but I can’t just up and leave, David. I’m sorry.”
"Fine. Now I guess I know exactly where your priorities lie at least. I'll see you in four days then," he said turning around and jerking open the door. One of the residents was standing just outside it and he held his hand out. "Next," he said irritably and stormed out. He was upset but not entirely at Craig, he shouldn't have sprung this on him. He knew how much the shelter meant to Craig, it was after all his entire life before David showed up. //How could I even think he loved me more than he did the shelter? This place was his life for nine years before he met me. I can't compete with that. I'll just go, cool off and call him from the airport or something. We can keep in touch by phone. I probably should have said goodbye, but I just didn't want him to know how hurt I was that he picked the shelter over me.//
Craig sat at his desk for a moment, too stunned to move. Before he could utter a word, David had turned on his heel and was heading out the front door without even saying goodbye. Jumping to his feet, he heard his chair crash into the wall behind him and almost knocked over the man standing outside his office in his haste to get to the front door. He stepped out onto the sidewalk just in time to see David’s Mercedes speeding around the corner. //He just….left. He’s gone…just like that.// Running a hand across his eyes, he looked back at the shelter and for the first time in his life, resented it…down to the last brick. And even though he knew it was unreasonable, he resented every single person inside for needing him so much, so often, and so unrelentingly. //God. Have I lost him? Have I pushed him away? For this? For this shelter that is constantly needing my time and practically every dime I make? And that gives me back maybe one thank you a month if I’m lucky?//
Craig walked back to his office in a daze, ignoring the man who had decided it was perfectly acceptable to simply wander into Craig’s office and sit down. “Get out,” he said in a low voice. “Get out and leave me alone for five fucking minutes!”
Locking the door behind his fleeing guest, Craig leaned back against the wall and felt tears gather in his eyes. // ’Now I guess I know exactly where your priorities lie at least.’// The words rang in his ears and he bit back a sob. //My priorities lie with *you* David, though I just did a hell of a job showing it.//
Staring at his desk, he took a deep breath and crossed the small room. He sat down and started to pick up the phone to call John, when it buzzed. “What?” he asked tiredly.
Mirry hesitated for a moment, unused to hearing Craig answer the phone with anything but cheerfulness. “Um…Craig? I just wanted to let you know that John’s here. He heard about the fire and thought you might need some help. He’s in the shed and has already gathered a few people to help him get the cots out of storage and organized a cooking crew and a few people to head over to Good Will for some clothes. Just thought you’d want to know.”
Craig hung up the phone without saying anything. John was here…and already doing all the things that Craig had planned on, without even being asked. He *could* have went with David. His fingers curled around the phone and he threw it against the wall. //Why? It’s not like he loves me! I’ve held on to the hope that he would, trying to make myself believe that somewhere deep inside, he *did* love me, but he’s never said it. Probably never will, especially after this. So what does that make me? Someone who just sleeps around and follows after him like some lovesick puppy? Dammit, how did I get in this fucking mess anyway? How did I let myself love someone who doesn’t love me back?// Gathering his jacket, he stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him. “Mirry, you and John are in charge. I’ll be back in the morning. I need …I need some time to think.” With that, he stormed out the back door and headed toward his house, fighting the urge to drive to the airport and find David…to just pick up and leave everything behind and be with the man he loved more than he’d ever loved anything or anyone in his life. The man who didn’t love him back. With a resigned sigh, he started to head home, but decided it would bring back too many memories. He turned and headed to the closest pub, not knowing where else to go.
David felt like an idiot for storming out like that, but if he'd stayed it could have gotten much worse. It was better to just walk away, cool off, and give Craig a call. It would be better that way. He wasn't ready to tell him everything yet, he wanted to talk to him while they were in Hong Kong but that plan fizzled. He needed to work out what to say when he came back.
He did NOT want to tell him over the phone. Then again after the way he'd acted today just storming out like that he seriously wondered if Craig would *want* him around that much. It had been a big decision but after the way the board meeting had gone that morning and the way Craig was treated at the party over the past weekend he was certain he didn't want that life any more.
He enjoyed his time at the shelter with Craig. He understood it was important to him, but he hadn't realized when Craig said "I love you" it was "I love you, but I love the shelter more." He would just have to learn to live with that, but he couldn't possibly live without Craig. That he knew.
As soon as David arrived at the airport and got through security he finally managed to make a call. When the machine at the shelter picked up he nearly cursed but instead spoke into the machine.
"Craig, baby, it's David. If you're there pick up, please? If not...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stormed out like that, not without saying goodbye and...and...well I'll miss you. I'll try again in Los Angeles before my connecting flight and again from Hawaii. Please...call me ok. I'll be staying at the Regency in Hong Kong. You have my cell number. I'm...God I'm sorry I stormed out like that. We'll talk ok. I...I lo...I've been on here too long. I gotta go. I'm sorry." Hanging up the phone he felt even worse. Hearing his flight number David made his way to boarding. This couldn't have gone more wrong.
David tried calling Craig at the shelter from Los Angeles but got the machine again so he tried his cell but was told the user had their phone turned off and he was unable to leave a message because the voice mail box was full. Frowning, he tried Craig's home number but never got an answer there either but he did get the machine. He left a message and hoped that Craig would eventually get it. He knew from experience that Craig rarely checked his answering machine at home. He wished he could turn around and go back to talk to him in person, but this merger was on the brink of falling through if he didn't get things straightened out. Once he had boarded the connecting flight, he sat back in his seat and closed his eyes against the headache that was beginning. //Please, call me, Craig. I'm sorry. God I'm an idiot.//
Just like he had in Los Angeles, David tried every number he had for Craig twice from the plane, and three times from the airport in Hawaii before boarding his final connection to Hong Kong. When he arrived at his hotel, he asked for messages and had two from Dom, one from Marton, and one from Mr. Yakamura. None from Craig. Once in his room, he tried Craig three more times, shelter, cell, and home. The home machine now said it was full. David decided he was going to get this trip over with quickly. He called Mr. Yakamura and demanded they meet *now* and not in the morning. He went downtown and worked ironing out the details until three in the morning.
Dragging back into his hotel room, David tried every number he had for Craig again and was unable to reach him. He fell into a fitful sleep in the
chair next to his bed. He tried to lay down but he couldn't get comfortable without the warmth of Craig next to him. It had been too long since he had slept alone.
~~~
The pub closed at 2 AM, and the bartender gently steered Craig toward the door. He wasn’t drunk…wasn’t even tipsy, unfortunately. He’d had a grand total of 2 beers, and had spent his time tucked quietly in a back corner, thinking about where his life was going. He listed the facts in his head. The shelter could run without him. He *was* being a mother hen, and no matter what his reasons, he’d made David feel like he’d chosen the shelter over him, over their relationship. And he hadn’t even told David *why* he couldn’t leave. He’d been gone for hours now, and he felt sure the shelter hadn’t disappeared into thin air. The final fact was that he was in love with a man who didn’t believe in love. Who had, admittedly, changed his life to include Craig, but who didn’t love him, most probably would never love him, no matter how long they stayed together. So….basically, he thought, he was having sex, and no matter how many times he told himself *he* was making love, it obviously was nothing more than a good time to David. If that hadn’t changed in all their months together, it probably wouldn’t, so what was the point? Loving someone who couldn’t love you back was a sure way to get your heart broken, and couldn’t end well. Maybe this was a sign….maybe they weren’t meant to be together after all.
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Craig steeled himself against the cold night air and headed back to the shelter. He still couldn’t stand the thoughts of going home. Sliding quietly in through the back door, he crept into his office, seeing that Mirry had put the phone back on his desk. He looked out at the main room of the shelter. There were at least two dozen new bodies, all sleeping in cots and with warm blankets and plenty of pillows. Everyone was clothed and asleep, including John, who was sleeping in the recliner in front of the tv. //John did it. He didn’t need me. No one needed me.//
Closing his office door quietly behind him, he eased onto the couch and stared blindly out the small window above his desk. He missed David. God, he missed him so much he ached. But he couldn’t stay here, living like this. It would hurt too much to go home alone every day, to sit at this desk without David beside him. He remembered John saying that he’d bragged about Craig to the director of the shelter he’d ran in Chicago, and the man had asked if Craig was looking for a job. //Am I? Would anyone miss me if I left? Could David find someone he *could* love if I wasn’t around?//
As soon as the sun was starting to shine in his office window, Craig stood up and stretched. The shelter was starting to wake up around him, and he immediately went to ask John to come into his office. It took the older man several minutes to get to him, as Mirry and several residents stopped to ask him questions, and Craig smiled as John patiently helped everyone, then turned and told Craig how much he missed shelter work, and would love to volunteer even more often….or even run a shelter again, since he’d decided that retirement wasn’t his cup of tea.
When they were settled in Craig’s office half an hour later, Craig swallowed the lump in his throat and nervously tapped a pencil eraser on his desk pad. After thanking him for all his help, assuring him that no, he hadn’t overstepped his bounds, and apologizing for bailing at the last minute, he asked John if he’d been serious when the shelter director in Chicago had asked if Craig was looking for a job. John’s eyes had widened in surprise, and he’d started to ask if David would be moving too, but he’d closed his mouth at the last minute and flipped open his cell phone, figuring that Craig was a grown man and perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Minutes later, Craig was on the phone with the shelter director in Chicago who assured him that after everything John had told him, they would, without a doubt, hire him on the spot. They were desperate for someone with experience to run one of the largest shelters in the state, and he could start at once.
While Craig talked on John’s cell phone, John interrupted once to ask to use Craig’s cell, as the phone on his desk didn’t seem to be working. Craig, barely even hearing John’s words, had unclipped his phone from his belt and handed it over without a word.
“Battery’s dead,” John murmured as he lay Craig’s cell back on the desk. Craig nodded and clipped his phone back in its holster, telling the man in Chicago that he’d get back with him within the hour.
Three hours later, John had accepted Craig’s offer to run the shelter that had ruled Craig’s life for nine years, and Craig had accepted a new job in Chicago. Saying goodbye to Mirry and to Karl, who would be moving out to his own apartment at the end of the month, he hugged them both goodbye and begged them both not to ask him any questions. He planned on working out the rest of the day, then going home and packing his belongings. He’d call David from Chicago and tell him that he was sorry…and he hoped David could find someone to love without Craig taking up all his time.
~~~
David woke up early after only a few hours sleep and headed back down to Marquez Industries of Hong Kong. He met with Mr. Yakamura again and after six hours he felt confident that everything was in order. The Chinese government had thrown up enough red flags on the merger that it had taken David, Dom and Marton via a five hour conference call and both Mr. Marquez and Ian to straighten it out. Dragging back into his hotel he checked for messages and had none. Not one.
Picking up the phone next to his bed, he tried the shelter first, and got the machine. He hung up and tried Craig's cell on the off chance the man finally had charged it. Nothing. He tried his home phone and screamed into the phone as the machine told him it was full. "Fuck. Three fucking numbers and he can't answer a damn one of them?"
Looking around his room he grabbed the phone again, rearranged his flight plans. Grabbing his still unpacked suitcase, he flung it open, grabbed fresh clothes, and took a quick shower. Within an hour he was back at the airport and heading home. Along the way at every opportunity he continued trying every number he had for Craig and all of them to no avail.
TBC
Authors:
sairalinde & anorienbeanPairing: David Wenham/Craig Parker
Rating: Adult for graphic m/m sex
Archiving: Saira’s Library, Here With Me, Mirrormere, OEAM, others please ask first
Feedback: Yes, please. We live for it. Send to: sairalinde @ hornofgondor.com, or thechroniclesofosgiliath @ yahoo.com
Disclaimer: None of this happened except in our fantasies. We are in no way are implying anything about the sexual preferences of either of our main characters, or any other peripheral characters used in this story.
Summary: A wealthy businessman is forced to do volunteer work and meets a handsome social worker who changes his views about the homeless and about love.
//Indicate thoughts
David walked through the doors of the shelter and smiled as he saw Mirry clearing one of the tables with some of the residents’ help. He waved and walked straight back to Craig's office. Finding his lover going over some files on his desk, he leaned against the door frame and smiled. "Hey you," he grinned. He hoped that for the next several days that Craig wouldn't have to even *think* about the grants and paperwork.
Running a hand through his hair, Craig’s smile lit up his face as when he saw David standing in the doorway. It had been a horrible day, he was behind on everything, Hugo had went to live with relatives and now he was short a cook, he’d been turned down by one of the grants he depended on because they decided their money could best be used elsewhere, and one of the low rent apartments down the street had just burned down, meaning the evening would bring over twenty new people needing a place to sleep. He’d debated on calling John in to help him make arrangements, but he wasn’t scheduled to come in until the next day, and Craig hated being an imposition, even though he really could have used the help. He’d be lucky if he even got to go home in the next couple of days, even with David and John both helping.
All his dark thoughts fled from his mind, though, when he looked at David. “Hello, handsome,” he smiled, crossing the room to wrap his arms around his lover and rest his head on David’s chest. “It seems like it’s been *days* since I kissed you goodbye this morning. I missed you.”
David grinned and slipped his arms around Craig's waist, giving him a soft kiss against the top of his head. "Missed you too," he whispered. "And...I have a proposition for you," he said stepping into the office and shutting the door behind him so they could have some privacy. Craig had said John had worked at another shelter, and he had said he'd love to get away sometime with David...so there was no time like the present since he *had* to go to Hong Kong because of a problem that occurred with the merger.
“Hmmm,” Craig smiled, leaning back against his desk and trying to ignore the files scattered behind him. “I always love your propositions. What exactly do you have in mind?”
"Well....there's been a problem with the merger. So I thought that maybe you'd like to come with me to straighten it out. Just a short trip, mix business and pleasure....and get you away from this place. You'd said you hadn't had a vacation in nine years. We can go back to your place, I can help you pack a suitcase. The flight to Hong Kong leaves in two hours," David said smiling.
“Two hours? Hong Kong?” Craig stammered. He *wanted* to go…wanted to go more than anything. Just to spend time with David and forget the hassles of their jobs for a few days sounded like heaven. He looked helplessly around his office and thought of the people that would be arriving in a few hours, people he hadn’t even began to make room for, people that were depending on him for food and shelter and clothes. “Oh, sweetheart, I’d love to go, but…but I can’t. Not today. The shelter…I just can’t leave today.”
David frowned, "But...I thought you said that you wanted to get away sometime and that John has a lot of experience? That he ran a shelter in Chicago for years… I don't understand," he said wondering why Craig wouldn't want to go.
“I *do* want to get away with you, love,” Craig said, reaching out to take David’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “And John does have experience, but that was in Chicago. Things are different here and I’m afraid to leave him fully in charge so soon, until I know that he can handle it. I’ve never been away from the shelter for more than a day, and I’m just scared something will go wrong.”
"Craig, the shelter will still be here when you get back, it's only a few days. And just because John ran a shelter in Chicago, it's not that different I'd think. I mean it's not exactly rocket science. The hardest part really is the paperwork and I'll help you with that when we get back," David said still not understanding why Craig couldn't just let go of the shelter for a few days. He got wrapped up in his job too, but he *had* taken time off before. Craig wouldn't even spend a full weekend with him without checking in on the shelter at least by phone. "There are phones in Hong Kong, and I'll have my laptop we can always check in," he said hoping he could get him to change his mind.
Craig felt slightly stung at David’s words about this not being rocket science, and looked down at the floor for a moment. They’d never really fought over anything in the months they’d been together, and David didn’t seem to realize how badly he wanted to go…he simply couldn’t. Not today. He released his lover’s hand and walked back to sit behind his desk. “I know they have phones, *sweetheart*, but I can’t leave. If there was any way possible, I would, but John simply can’t handle this by himself yet with so much going on. Can’t you wait a few days and let me line up someone else…someone that I know well and trust to watch over everything?”
David sighed, "No, unfortunately I can’t. I have to go take care of some problems with the merger and it can't wait, I had hoped you'd go with me though. We've...we've not spent a single night apart in months. Hell I guess I'm being selfish here but I also think you're acting a bit like a mother hen here. This shelter is not going to implode without you here, ya know? I just wish you'd realize that *you* aren't this shelter. I wish others here would realize that too. You deserve a life...hell WE deserve a life Craig. I realize it's short notice, I'm....I'm sorry. I don't *want* to go without you...but I guess I have to," he said leaning against the wall. //Why can't he just let go of this place for a couple days?//
Craig took a deep breath and stared at David for a moment. “Mother hen? David, the people here *need* me. I thought you understood that. I don’t want to spend the night away from you, but I can’t leave. If you can’t put off your trip, then, then…..I guess I’ll see you when you get back.” His heart sank and his stomach clenched as he said the words. He wavered for a moment, wondering if John *could* handle everything, when he heard a knock on the door. With a sigh, he asked whoever was on the other side if it could wait, and heard one of the residents complain that he needed to talk to Craig *now*, that he had an emergency. “See?” he sighed again. “I’d go with you if I could, but I can’t just up and leave, David. I’m sorry.”
"Fine. Now I guess I know exactly where your priorities lie at least. I'll see you in four days then," he said turning around and jerking open the door. One of the residents was standing just outside it and he held his hand out. "Next," he said irritably and stormed out. He was upset but not entirely at Craig, he shouldn't have sprung this on him. He knew how much the shelter meant to Craig, it was after all his entire life before David showed up. //How could I even think he loved me more than he did the shelter? This place was his life for nine years before he met me. I can't compete with that. I'll just go, cool off and call him from the airport or something. We can keep in touch by phone. I probably should have said goodbye, but I just didn't want him to know how hurt I was that he picked the shelter over me.//
Craig sat at his desk for a moment, too stunned to move. Before he could utter a word, David had turned on his heel and was heading out the front door without even saying goodbye. Jumping to his feet, he heard his chair crash into the wall behind him and almost knocked over the man standing outside his office in his haste to get to the front door. He stepped out onto the sidewalk just in time to see David’s Mercedes speeding around the corner. //He just….left. He’s gone…just like that.// Running a hand across his eyes, he looked back at the shelter and for the first time in his life, resented it…down to the last brick. And even though he knew it was unreasonable, he resented every single person inside for needing him so much, so often, and so unrelentingly. //God. Have I lost him? Have I pushed him away? For this? For this shelter that is constantly needing my time and practically every dime I make? And that gives me back maybe one thank you a month if I’m lucky?//
Craig walked back to his office in a daze, ignoring the man who had decided it was perfectly acceptable to simply wander into Craig’s office and sit down. “Get out,” he said in a low voice. “Get out and leave me alone for five fucking minutes!”
Locking the door behind his fleeing guest, Craig leaned back against the wall and felt tears gather in his eyes. // ’Now I guess I know exactly where your priorities lie at least.’// The words rang in his ears and he bit back a sob. //My priorities lie with *you* David, though I just did a hell of a job showing it.//
Staring at his desk, he took a deep breath and crossed the small room. He sat down and started to pick up the phone to call John, when it buzzed. “What?” he asked tiredly.
Mirry hesitated for a moment, unused to hearing Craig answer the phone with anything but cheerfulness. “Um…Craig? I just wanted to let you know that John’s here. He heard about the fire and thought you might need some help. He’s in the shed and has already gathered a few people to help him get the cots out of storage and organized a cooking crew and a few people to head over to Good Will for some clothes. Just thought you’d want to know.”
Craig hung up the phone without saying anything. John was here…and already doing all the things that Craig had planned on, without even being asked. He *could* have went with David. His fingers curled around the phone and he threw it against the wall. //Why? It’s not like he loves me! I’ve held on to the hope that he would, trying to make myself believe that somewhere deep inside, he *did* love me, but he’s never said it. Probably never will, especially after this. So what does that make me? Someone who just sleeps around and follows after him like some lovesick puppy? Dammit, how did I get in this fucking mess anyway? How did I let myself love someone who doesn’t love me back?// Gathering his jacket, he stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him. “Mirry, you and John are in charge. I’ll be back in the morning. I need …I need some time to think.” With that, he stormed out the back door and headed toward his house, fighting the urge to drive to the airport and find David…to just pick up and leave everything behind and be with the man he loved more than he’d ever loved anything or anyone in his life. The man who didn’t love him back. With a resigned sigh, he started to head home, but decided it would bring back too many memories. He turned and headed to the closest pub, not knowing where else to go.
David felt like an idiot for storming out like that, but if he'd stayed it could have gotten much worse. It was better to just walk away, cool off, and give Craig a call. It would be better that way. He wasn't ready to tell him everything yet, he wanted to talk to him while they were in Hong Kong but that plan fizzled. He needed to work out what to say when he came back.
He did NOT want to tell him over the phone. Then again after the way he'd acted today just storming out like that he seriously wondered if Craig would *want* him around that much. It had been a big decision but after the way the board meeting had gone that morning and the way Craig was treated at the party over the past weekend he was certain he didn't want that life any more.
He enjoyed his time at the shelter with Craig. He understood it was important to him, but he hadn't realized when Craig said "I love you" it was "I love you, but I love the shelter more." He would just have to learn to live with that, but he couldn't possibly live without Craig. That he knew.
As soon as David arrived at the airport and got through security he finally managed to make a call. When the machine at the shelter picked up he nearly cursed but instead spoke into the machine.
"Craig, baby, it's David. If you're there pick up, please? If not...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stormed out like that, not without saying goodbye and...and...well I'll miss you. I'll try again in Los Angeles before my connecting flight and again from Hawaii. Please...call me ok. I'll be staying at the Regency in Hong Kong. You have my cell number. I'm...God I'm sorry I stormed out like that. We'll talk ok. I...I lo...I've been on here too long. I gotta go. I'm sorry." Hanging up the phone he felt even worse. Hearing his flight number David made his way to boarding. This couldn't have gone more wrong.
David tried calling Craig at the shelter from Los Angeles but got the machine again so he tried his cell but was told the user had their phone turned off and he was unable to leave a message because the voice mail box was full. Frowning, he tried Craig's home number but never got an answer there either but he did get the machine. He left a message and hoped that Craig would eventually get it. He knew from experience that Craig rarely checked his answering machine at home. He wished he could turn around and go back to talk to him in person, but this merger was on the brink of falling through if he didn't get things straightened out. Once he had boarded the connecting flight, he sat back in his seat and closed his eyes against the headache that was beginning. //Please, call me, Craig. I'm sorry. God I'm an idiot.//
Just like he had in Los Angeles, David tried every number he had for Craig twice from the plane, and three times from the airport in Hawaii before boarding his final connection to Hong Kong. When he arrived at his hotel, he asked for messages and had two from Dom, one from Marton, and one from Mr. Yakamura. None from Craig. Once in his room, he tried Craig three more times, shelter, cell, and home. The home machine now said it was full. David decided he was going to get this trip over with quickly. He called Mr. Yakamura and demanded they meet *now* and not in the morning. He went downtown and worked ironing out the details until three in the morning.
Dragging back into his hotel room, David tried every number he had for Craig again and was unable to reach him. He fell into a fitful sleep in the
chair next to his bed. He tried to lay down but he couldn't get comfortable without the warmth of Craig next to him. It had been too long since he had slept alone.
~~~
The pub closed at 2 AM, and the bartender gently steered Craig toward the door. He wasn’t drunk…wasn’t even tipsy, unfortunately. He’d had a grand total of 2 beers, and had spent his time tucked quietly in a back corner, thinking about where his life was going. He listed the facts in his head. The shelter could run without him. He *was* being a mother hen, and no matter what his reasons, he’d made David feel like he’d chosen the shelter over him, over their relationship. And he hadn’t even told David *why* he couldn’t leave. He’d been gone for hours now, and he felt sure the shelter hadn’t disappeared into thin air. The final fact was that he was in love with a man who didn’t believe in love. Who had, admittedly, changed his life to include Craig, but who didn’t love him, most probably would never love him, no matter how long they stayed together. So….basically, he thought, he was having sex, and no matter how many times he told himself *he* was making love, it obviously was nothing more than a good time to David. If that hadn’t changed in all their months together, it probably wouldn’t, so what was the point? Loving someone who couldn’t love you back was a sure way to get your heart broken, and couldn’t end well. Maybe this was a sign….maybe they weren’t meant to be together after all.
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Craig steeled himself against the cold night air and headed back to the shelter. He still couldn’t stand the thoughts of going home. Sliding quietly in through the back door, he crept into his office, seeing that Mirry had put the phone back on his desk. He looked out at the main room of the shelter. There were at least two dozen new bodies, all sleeping in cots and with warm blankets and plenty of pillows. Everyone was clothed and asleep, including John, who was sleeping in the recliner in front of the tv. //John did it. He didn’t need me. No one needed me.//
Closing his office door quietly behind him, he eased onto the couch and stared blindly out the small window above his desk. He missed David. God, he missed him so much he ached. But he couldn’t stay here, living like this. It would hurt too much to go home alone every day, to sit at this desk without David beside him. He remembered John saying that he’d bragged about Craig to the director of the shelter he’d ran in Chicago, and the man had asked if Craig was looking for a job. //Am I? Would anyone miss me if I left? Could David find someone he *could* love if I wasn’t around?//
As soon as the sun was starting to shine in his office window, Craig stood up and stretched. The shelter was starting to wake up around him, and he immediately went to ask John to come into his office. It took the older man several minutes to get to him, as Mirry and several residents stopped to ask him questions, and Craig smiled as John patiently helped everyone, then turned and told Craig how much he missed shelter work, and would love to volunteer even more often….or even run a shelter again, since he’d decided that retirement wasn’t his cup of tea.
When they were settled in Craig’s office half an hour later, Craig swallowed the lump in his throat and nervously tapped a pencil eraser on his desk pad. After thanking him for all his help, assuring him that no, he hadn’t overstepped his bounds, and apologizing for bailing at the last minute, he asked John if he’d been serious when the shelter director in Chicago had asked if Craig was looking for a job. John’s eyes had widened in surprise, and he’d started to ask if David would be moving too, but he’d closed his mouth at the last minute and flipped open his cell phone, figuring that Craig was a grown man and perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Minutes later, Craig was on the phone with the shelter director in Chicago who assured him that after everything John had told him, they would, without a doubt, hire him on the spot. They were desperate for someone with experience to run one of the largest shelters in the state, and he could start at once.
While Craig talked on John’s cell phone, John interrupted once to ask to use Craig’s cell, as the phone on his desk didn’t seem to be working. Craig, barely even hearing John’s words, had unclipped his phone from his belt and handed it over without a word.
“Battery’s dead,” John murmured as he lay Craig’s cell back on the desk. Craig nodded and clipped his phone back in its holster, telling the man in Chicago that he’d get back with him within the hour.
Three hours later, John had accepted Craig’s offer to run the shelter that had ruled Craig’s life for nine years, and Craig had accepted a new job in Chicago. Saying goodbye to Mirry and to Karl, who would be moving out to his own apartment at the end of the month, he hugged them both goodbye and begged them both not to ask him any questions. He planned on working out the rest of the day, then going home and packing his belongings. He’d call David from Chicago and tell him that he was sorry…and he hoped David could find someone to love without Craig taking up all his time.
~~~
David woke up early after only a few hours sleep and headed back down to Marquez Industries of Hong Kong. He met with Mr. Yakamura again and after six hours he felt confident that everything was in order. The Chinese government had thrown up enough red flags on the merger that it had taken David, Dom and Marton via a five hour conference call and both Mr. Marquez and Ian to straighten it out. Dragging back into his hotel he checked for messages and had none. Not one.
Picking up the phone next to his bed, he tried the shelter first, and got the machine. He hung up and tried Craig's cell on the off chance the man finally had charged it. Nothing. He tried his home phone and screamed into the phone as the machine told him it was full. "Fuck. Three fucking numbers and he can't answer a damn one of them?"
Looking around his room he grabbed the phone again, rearranged his flight plans. Grabbing his still unpacked suitcase, he flung it open, grabbed fresh clothes, and took a quick shower. Within an hour he was back at the airport and heading home. Along the way at every opportunity he continued trying every number he had for Craig and all of them to no avail.
TBC