Surrender

[dani-grl4.livejournal.com]

Title: Surrender, part 2
Author: dani_grl4
Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: If it is true, I don't know about it. Purely from my overactive imagination.
Feedback: Is really kind, and I adore it.
Warning: Angst. Naughty language.
Summary: I had this idea a while ago to write a fic that centers around all the media clips and pictures of Billy and Dom that seem to tell a certain story, if one wants to see it.
A/N: Chapter 1 takes place after an ROTK junket interview with the E! channel. All quotes are from the actual interview. If you haven't seen it yet, you should. The pictures I’ve used here are pictures that I’ve gathered over the years. I’m sorry, but I don’t know where credit should go since I’ve seen them everywhere. I take no credit for the photos, and if anyone wants credit for them, let me know. Much love and praise to my friend and beta, canciona, who made this chapter so, so much better.

Chapter 1



Chapter 2

“I can’t see him. Not yet. It’s just – I think he’s walked away from me for the last time, and I can’t stop him anymore.” Billy defends himself, even though Viggo hasn’t as of yet mentioned anything about seeing Dom.

Viggo sighs as he hands Billy another drink, against his better judgment. Billy’s voice is shaky as it is, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. He wasn’t surprised that Billy wanted to come over. There was a time when, if Billy was in town, Viggo might not have seen him at all. He could guess at what Dom and Billy got up to when Billy came to LA, and it left precious few hours for seeing other people. But Viggo knows things have been different lately, and while he would never ask outright what’s happened, he’s relieved that Billy came to him.

Conventions are exhausting, Viggo knows they are. That’s why he avoids them at all costs. Transcontinental flights can wreak havoc on a person’s ability to function properly. Drinking several beers without eating all day (or, without eating much for the past several weeks, from the looks of things) would make anyone look a bit aged; a bit worn-down. But Viggo knows none of those are reasons for the despondent look in Billy’s eyes.

“No, he hasn’t. Not really, Billy.” Viggo sits across from him on the edge of the coffee table where Billy has no choice but to pay attention. He looks shattered, and pale. Funny, when Billy rang him earlier, Viggo had pictured the man on the line looking exactly as he had the last time he saw him – golden, sun-kissed skin. For the most part, happy. Instead, Billy’s skin has the grey tinge of someone who clearly hasn’t been taking care of himself.

“Do you see the way he looks at you?” Viggo asks quietly. “The way his eyes look when he speaks to you, when you’re just in the same room – can’t you see the difference? He couldn’t walk away from you with all the will in the world.”

Viggo hasn’t got a clue as to whether this is really it, or whether they’re just going through a rough time, but judging from the look in his friend's eyes, Billy certainly believes it’s over.

“I don’t see it, Viggo, I can’t see it anymore.” Billy shakes his head and looks at the bottle in his hands, rather than look Viggo in the eye anymore. Because he knows Viggo wants what he’s saying to be completely true, and maybe those things were true once. Could have been true, anyway. But Billy doesn’t think they are now, and he doesn’t want Viggo to persuade him (it would take so little) to hold on to that hope. “Can’t tell the difference between whatever feelings he has for me, and what he wishes he could have been for me.”

So matter-of-fact. So resigned. Billy’s words make Viggo wince with sympathy pains.

“I know it’s sounds like nothing more than empty words, but he does love you.” Viggo reaches a hand out to Billy’s shoulder, watching with concern as he moves away awkwardly from the embrace.

A humourless laugh escapes before Billy can hold it back. “And yet, it’s not enough that I love him more than my own life. He wants to be loved by everyone else, too.”

Viggo shakes his head, preparing to battle with Billy on this if he has to. “You don’t want to see it right now, Bill, but it’s there. Right in front of you, and you know it’s there. You have to fight for it.”

“I can’t. I can’t fight for us when he’s fighting against me.” Billy manages to look more exhausted by the minute, as though the mere thought is wearing down whatever strength he might have left.

“Push him,” Viggo challenges.

“No.”

“Billy, he wants to be pushed.”

“No.”

“Bill-”

“No!” Billy sees Viggo’s eyes go wide as he yells, and sees the doubt flash just as quickly. Billy doesn’t have the strength to convince both himself and Viggo that indeed, this is the end. “Just fucking no, Vig,” he repeats, lowering his voice to a mere whisper instead. “Shouldn’t have to work so hard to convince him. If I do, then…then it isn’t right. I’m not for him. He’s made his choice.”

Cutting, biting determination. “I’m sorry, Bill. Didn’t mean to upset you, and I know it’s none of my business, but-”

“You know, out of everyone, friends, family, colleagues – girlfriends even – Dom is the biggest obstacle standing in the way of us finally being together properly,” Billy interrupts. “Every one else would understand, because they’ve just fucking known forever. I can’t think of a single person we’re close with that wouldn’t be happy and think, ‘Finally!’. Ali would be relieved, I’m sure. And you know what? She stays with me not because we’re in love, but because she can’t bear to think of me alone and sad. In that way she’s more of a friend than Dom ever has been.”

“Does he know, Billy? Does he know that you’re sad?” Viggo asks gently.

“Oh, he knows, Viggo, trust me. He knows.” Billy tips his head back and swallows the remainder of his drink in one go, placing the bottle down with trembling hands.

“And you think he isn’t sad?” Viggo asks with conviction. As though he’s suddenly realised the solution to a very tricky math problem.

Billy chuckles sadly to himself, thinking that Viggo really has no idea how different things are now. “You know what? It’s funny. When you asked that I just realised, I don’t have the energy to care anymore.”

Though more serious than Viggo’d hoped, he thinks there is something he can do after all. “I want to show you something, Billy. Step into my office.” He gestures to a room at the end of the hall.

“Viggo, as enticing as you think that line is, I’m not shagging you.” At least his humour remains intact.

Viggo offers him a smirk before heading down the hall, calling over his shoulder, “Bill. Some credit, please. I don’t find drunken angst hot. Come.”

He barely hears Billy mumble something that sounds vaguely like, ‘Fucker’, but Billy’s followed him, which is a good start.

Viggo takes a seat at his desk, opening a large drawer and finding what he wants almost immediately. He’d hoped to hand this over to its rightful owners on a happier occasion, but it’s needed now. There’s no arguing with that.

“What’s that, then?” Billy asks, pointing to the wooden box laid in Viggo’s lap. He sits on the floor and folds his legs in front of him. Almost every chair and surface in the room is covered with paper or photos of some sort, but he doesn’t trust himself to stand.

“Just some photos I haven’t had a chance to put into albums.” Viggo looks up at Billy, offering the box over. “Actually, if I’m honest, these are photos I’ve set aside for you. And for Dom.”

“Oh?” Billy frowns as he takes the wooden box. “Set aside for what?”

“Who knows? Maybe for a crisis such as this.”

Billy snorts. “Not having a crisis. This is more like a chronic, nagging….thing.”

“Pain?”

“Thing.”

Viggo smiles sadly. “Whatever you say. But I think it is a crisis. It’s a crisis because you’re doubting something and making yourself miserable when you needn’t be. Because I have proof, inside that very box in fact, that says Dom does want a life with you. In fact, I believe I have proof he’s never even considered another life.”

Though he’s curious, Billy doesn’t move to open the box. “It’s more complicated than that, Viggo-”

“It’s not, Billy. Look, I’ll show you.” He takes the box from Billy and opens it delicately, smiling down at Billy. “Come on, let’s stroll through memory lane, shall we?”

Billy sighs heavily. “Can I say no?”

“No. Now, tell me what you see here.” Viggo hands Billy a photo from the box, effortlessly finding the one he wants straight away. His huge smile is a little suspicious, but Billy takes the photo, still eyeing his mate as though he’s up to something very wrong.




Billy finally looks at the picture, and finds himself a little disappointed with the start of their journey through the past. “This is a picture of all of us.”

“It is. But what strikes you about this picture in particular?” Viggo asks.

“Um,” Billy says as he scans the picture quickly. “Nothing. I mean I’ve seen this one, probably from a more head-on angle. Other than the fact that Dom and I are standing together, which isn’t odd-” Billy stops abruptly as something does catch his eye. “Vig– for fuck’s sake, my hand is on his arse!”

“I know it is,” Viggo says in his most-serious voice.

“I thought you had proof that Dom and I were meant to be together. This is proof that I’m a bit of a perv. And note to self – I’m not subtle.” Billy’s eyes are still wide with disbelief.

“Oh, no, you’re not subtle at all, Billy. And neither is Dom, which I like to think is the theme of this box here.”

“Oh, bloody Jesus, help me…”

“I know I told you I had proof that Dom loves you. And I do. I just wanted to show you that one ‘cause it’s good fun.” Viggo winks at Billy.

“I’m leaving.”

“Bear with me, my friend. What about this?” Viggo hands over another picture, his expression more serious this time.




Billy stares at the picture for a long time with a sad smile. “I’ve not seen this picture. I remember that night though. I remember that exact moment in fact, when Dom’s hand touched mine, and I remember really having to stop myself from taking his hand.”

“Why did you stop yourself?”

“Vig-”

“Okay. But why do you think Dom’s hand was so close to yours? Isn’t it possible that he found it difficult to keep from taking your hand?”

Billy remembered all too well the night that had followed this particular premiere.

Dom kisses like he’s dying sometimes, and the path to salvation lies entirely in Billy’s mouth, and in the warmth of his skin.

“Billy,” he’d said when he came up for air, only out of sheer necessity. “Billy, I want you – want you inside me.”

He moaned, biting down on Dom’s neck to stop the frenzied writhing underneath him.

“Fuck! Please, Billy, now. Please, do it,” he begged.

Billy shook the sweat out of his eyes, knowing already that he wasn’t going to give Dom what he wanted. Not right away. He’d felt too much electricity between them tonight, not just sexually.

“Wanted you so bad out there tonight, Dommie,” he panted.

“Have me now,” Dom looked into Billy’s eyes, silently pleading for Billy’s body, all the while knowing that wasn’t what Billy meant.

“No,” Billy said as he rocked over Dom’s body. Desire nearly making him give in. “I wanted you, all of you. Wanted to –oh, God– hold you. There. With everyone watching.”

“Oh holy fuck! Billy, Billy please,” Dom moaned.

But he wanted Dom to say it, wanted Dom to want that, wanted Dom to have wanted him that way, that night, in that moment. Not only when they were fucking in here, but when they were laughing out there, too.

Dom grabbed Billy’s face and stroked the wet hair from his forehead. “We’ll do this, Bill. I promise.”

And it was vaguely close enough to satisfy Billy, so he nodded and closed his eyes and thought, ‘But, when?’ as he pushed forward.

“Look, Viggo, I’m not saying that Dom doesn’t feel for me,” Billy says, shaking off the memory. “I know he does. I don’t need to see hundreds of photos of us together to examine our body language for hidden clues and meanings. We’re past that. He loves me, I know. That’s not why I’m at a loss here. It’s that despite all the evidence in this box, and in here,” Billy points an unsteady finger at his own chest, “at the end of the day, he’s still not willing to do what it takes to have a proper life together with me. And I won’t have him at all unless I can have all of him. But he won’t give himself completely over to me. So that’s it. And don't for one second think it isn't breaking me, but there's nothing else I can do, do you see that?”

“You don’t think so?” Viggo stares down at another photo in his hand for a long time. A slow smile forms on his face before he finally looks up, turning the photo in his hand, holding it up for Bill to see.



“This is my favourite one. What this photographer captured, Billy – it’s incredible. When he sees you, the world around him actually stops. You can see that, right here in this picture. Look at the people in the background.” Viggo moves the photo closer to Billy’s face slightly so that he can’t miss it. “They’re just shadows. It’s almost as though in this moment, the rest of us are privy to what Dom sees when he looks at you. The world fades into the background, until the only thing left is you.”

Billy’s eyes redden at he looks as the picture for a split second more, and looks away when he can’t take it any longer. “I’ve never said the words, not even to myself. But in my heart, I know it. This thing between us; it won’t change. He won’t – he can’t-”

“Let me just show you one more thing then.” Viggo knows he’s almost there. So close. He knows that he’s almost made Billy see what he’s afraid to see, yet that’s the thing he most needs to see now. He rummages silently through the box that’s nearly overflowing until he finds the one he’s looking for. This one he forces Billy to hold himself.



“You show me a love as undeniable than this. Show me two people who have absolutely given themselves over more completely than these two, in this moment.”

Emotion washes over Billy’s face all at once, like a wave. Viggo has the feeling he’s intruding when Billy is unable to tear his eyes away, so he kneels down, one arm around Billy’s shoulders as he whispers gently in his ear.

“The phone’s right there, Billy. I’m here if you need me.”

Billy finally looks up from the photo, a ‘thank you’ lost somewhere in his throat. He nods instead, gratitude evident in his eyes. When Viggo looks back over his shoulder, he sees Billy still sitting on the floor, nodding quietly to himself as he focuses all his attention back to the photograph before him.

And Viggo can practically hear Billy’s voice saying, ’Yesyesyes’ and he echoes that very same sentiment as he closes the door quietly behind him.