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fellowshippers2003-06-20 04:46 pm
ex-salwood.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2003-06-20 04:46 pm
Don't You Leave Him Part 2
Title: Don’t You Leave Him Part 2/3
Author/Email: Salogel42
Pairing: SeanA/Elijah
Rating: NC17 (for sexual references)
Summary: Sean regrets the events of the night before.
Feedback: Yes please
Warning: angst
Disclaimer: The accident did happen but not the events that followed.
Any sort of author notes: The boat scene at the end of FOTR inspired me to write this fic.
Don’t You Leave Him
Part 2 – Rejection
The alarm nudged Elijah out of sleep and into wakefulness. It was dark in the room, with only a hint of moonlight drifting through the partially closed curtains. Sean was still fast asleep next to him, his breathing slow and languid, whispering warmly across the nape of Elijah’s neck. The events of last night slowly filtered into Elijah’s mind. He smiled to himself as he remembered their lovemaking. He could still feel Sean inside him, a feeling that had been uncomfortable at first, but Sean had been so gentle and so patient, giving him as much time as he needed to adjust to this whole new experience. And it had been wonderful, more than wonderful. He switched on the bedroom lamp and then turned his head so that he could look into Sean’s sleeping face. He raised his hand and gently ran a finger across Sean’s parted lips, and then he leaned in and kissed him softly, not wanting to wake him, but at the same time wanting to wake him. Sean’s eyes flickered open.
“Morning, little hobbit…” Sean smiled sleepily at Elijah. “It’s not time for you to go already is it?”
“It is.” Elijah leaned in to kiss Sean again. How he wanted to stay here, in Sean’s arms, in Sean’s bed. “Early call, its back to the lake again.”
“Well, I’ll probably be coming with you tomorrow.”
Elijah nodded. “I’m going to miss you.” He pulled himself in closer to Sean’s warm body. “Maybe I could just stay here with you, forget being a hobbit for one day. I’m sure no one would mind.” Elijah moved his leg so that it nestled in between Sean’s thighs. He relished the contact of skin on skin. “Just stay here with you…” he murmured as he pressed his mouth onto Sean’s once again, pushing his tongue in this time. “Don’t want to leave you, Sean…”
Sean placed his hand around the back of Elijah’s head and returned the kiss. Elijah’s tongue in his mouth was unbelievably wonderful, igniting once again the wanton desire he had felt the night before. He pulled his mouth away reluctantly, and heard Elijah groan in protest.
Sean couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m sure you don’t want to be on the receiving end of Peter’s wrath, do you? Up you get.”
“I am up,” Elijah grinned wickedly at Sean. “Want to feel?”
Sean laughed. “Lij…I know. Now come on, or you’ll be late. I’ll feel you later.”
With a sheer will of effort and a sigh filled with reluctance, Elijah pulled himself away from Sean and sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slightly hunched.
Sean reached out his hand and let his fingers run down the length of Elijah’s naked back. “I’ll be here when you return,” he said. “Here and waiting.”
Elijah looked over his shoulder at Sean. “I love you Sean,” he said softly, and then stood up. It really was time to go.
**
Sean thanked the driver, and let himself back into his house; he really thought he was never going to get away from his check up at the hospital. He wondered how Elijah was, and glanced down at his watch. He would be hours yet.
He slowly made his way into his kitchen and prepared a sandwich, and then he went into his living room and sat down. He saw that the red light was flashing on his answer phone, so he pressed the play button.
The first message was from Peter, asking after him and telling him, in his ‘you have no option’ voice that he was needed back on set tomorrow. Sean smiled, how could anyone ever resist Peter’s persuasive manner.
The second message was from Elijah, which was obviously done very quickly and under pressure. A slight giggle, a quick I love you, and hope you are ok, then, gotta go. Sean took a bite of his sandwich, and settled back to hear the next message. He froze as he heard the voice.
“Sean, honey, hello it’s me. Just to let you know that Peter called me and told me what happened to you yesterday. I figured you got held up at the hospital and couldn’t call me. Ali and I will be back with you tomorrow afternoon. We’ve missed you, and…and…. hold on a minute…”
Sean heard a scrabbling noise…then… “Daddy…love you daddy…see you ‘morrow.”
A scrabbling noise again. “I’ll try and call you later sweetheart. Love you.” Then the answer machine went quiet and clicked off.
Sean stared at the phone, he could feel his stomach turning over, and he knew he was going to be physically sick. He made his way as quickly as he could to the toilet and dropped onto his knees, head over the pan, and his stomach emptied. Jesus…oh Jesus…oh Jesus. His head was spinning, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. Jesus...fuck…fuck…fuck. He hauled himself back onto his feet and wiped his mouth, his whole body was trembling, and he thought he was going to be sick again. Then the sound of the phone ringing suddenly chilled him to the bone. He couldn’t move. He closed his eyes as the room swam and panic engulfed him. What had he done? What had he fucking done? Christine…Ali…Jesus Christ, Jesus fucking Christ.
The phone stopped, and the silence was shattering. Sean felt sick to his stomach, and his head began pounding, and the urge to throw up again overwhelmed him. What the fuck was he going to do? My God, he had blown it; he was going to lose his fucking wife and daughter, because of Elijah. Fucking Elijah. Fucking, beautiful, wonderful Elijah. Sean then began to cry.
**
“More sorrow Elijah,” Peter looked around the camera. “Its not working mate, you just look too darn happy.”
Happy, Elijah thought. Peter, you have no idea. He was more than happy, he was fucking elated. All he could think about was last night. Sean’s hands on him, exploring him, touching him everywhere, making him writhe in fucking ecstasy.
“Elijah…ready to go again?”
Elijah nodded, and took in a deep breath. The lake looked beautiful, hardly a ripple on the water. He stood at the water’s edge ring in hand, and looked out over the view. Think of going to Mordor alone, he told himself. Think of leaving all your friends behind you. But all he could think of was Sean between his legs, pushing inside him and making him gasp.
“Cut…Elijah…you’re fucking smiling…” Peter stood up and ran his hand through his unruly hair. “Take five everyone.” The rest of the crew stood down, feeling a little uneasy. Peter didn’t lose his cool very often.
Elijah slipped the ring back into his pocket and looked apologetically at Peter. “I’m sorry Pete,” he said. “I’m just not concentrating enough. I’ll get it right. It’ll be cool.”
Peter nodded. “I want to wrap this scene up today Elijah. Sean will be back out here with you tomorrow for the boat scene, and god knows but that is going to take long enough. We need a total wrap up here tomorrow. So just think of something sad will you? For me? Please?”
Elijah smiled. He didn’t think he would ever be sad again. “I will, Pete don’t worry.”
Peter gave him a none-too convinced nod, and then made his way over to the small canteen tent, and after a moment Elijah followed him.
**
Sean’s mind was in turmoil. He found himself walking around in a daze, and eventually ending up sitting down on his bed, surrounded by the rumbled sheets, still smelling of Elijah and their night of lovemaking. He rested his head in his hands; his mind was working overtime. Just hours ago they were here, both of them locked in unison. Elijah underneath him, yielding and willing. It has been one of the most beautiful experiences of his life, and his thoughts never strayed for one moment away from what he was doing, and if it was wrong. He had been lost in Elijah, completely and totally, nothing else had mattered, not last night, and not this morning. I’ll be here when you return. “Oh God…Elijah…” he spoke out loudly and then began to weep again. He knew that Elijah couldn’t return, and that very thought tore right into his soul.
Sean raised his head at the sound of the phone ringing downstairs. Then he heard the answer phone click in, and then he heard his wife’s voice.
“Sean, Sean are you there? Please ring me honey. We miss you.”
Sean stood up and wiped his eyes. His heart felt heavy as he looked down at the bed, and he paused momentarily before pulling off all the bed linen. He knew what he had to do. He had no choice, no choice at all, and it was going to all but kill him. He made his way carefully down the stairs and piled the bedding into the washing machine. He felt like he was on automatic pilot. Once the machine was running he made his way into the living room, and picked up the phone. He then dialed Christine’s number.
**
“Cut!” Peter smiled at Elijah. Thank God, they were getting somewhere at last. “One more time, please Elijah.” Peter raised his hand for silence, and the clapperboard snapped shut once again.
Elijah looked out over the lake, and thought of Sean. He thought of how much he loved him. How he had loved him for so long, and had never said anything until last night. He thought of how much Sean meant to him, not just as a friend now, but as a lover too. And no one would ever be able to take that fact away from him. Not ever. He also thought about how much he needed Sean, and that he would be returning to him in just a few short hours. Every minute of this day had seemed like an hour, and he had missed him so much, and longed to be back in his arms.
“Cut…” Peter stood up. “That’s a print. Thank you Elijah. That’s a wrap everyone! Lets go home.”
Elijah stood where he was, still lost in thought.
“Elijah…” Peter called to him again. “Come on mate. Time to go.”
Elijah blinked and then turned and looked at Peter. He smiled as he nodded. Definitely time to go home.
**
Sean found himself pacing, albeit very slowly and very carefully. He looked at his watch, and his stomach churned. What the fuck was he going to say to Elijah? He would be here very soon. He wouldn’t let him in. He couldn’t let him in. Why the fuck did he let him stay last night? Jesus, he felt like dying. He was dying. Deep down inside. Christ Elijah why did you stay? Why did you let me seduce you? Why did you come into my fucking life? He felt tears forming again as his internal battle raged. Then he heard a car pull up. Oh god…oh fucking god… He made his way to the front door. He had locked it so that Elijah’s key would not work. He heard the key slide into the lock unsuccessfully and then he heard Elijah knock.
“Sean? Sean? You there? It’s me.”
Sean closed his eyes, as he stood there inches away from Elijah, a mere piece of wood separating them. Elijah’s knocking continued.
“Sean? Are you ok?” Elijah looked at the closed door willing to be able see through it. “Sean?” He stepped back and looked up to upstairs window but it was dark. He knew that Sean couldn’t go very far because of his injury.
“Sean, its me, Elijah. Open up.” Elijah waited patiently before kneeling down and calling through the letterbox. “Sean!” he shouted, trying to ignore the first hint of panic tainting his voice.
I can’t Lij, I can’t. Sean tried to stifle his sobs as he pressed his back against the doorframe. I’m so sorry.
Elijah stood up and walked over the small garden so that he could look in through the kitchen window. He could see a light on in the corridor. He went back to the front door and hammered on it more loudly this time.
“Come on Sean, I know you’re in there. Please open the door.” Why won’t he fucking open the door?
I can’t, I fucking can’t…Sean slowly began sinking down to the floor, he felt like his whole world was collapsing around him.
“Sean, you’re beginning to fucking freak me out here!” Elijah banged on the door again. “Open the door…please…please. Sean.” Elijah could now hear definite panic in his voice, and he didn’t like it and it fucking scared him. He got onto his knees again, and opened the letterbox once more. “I’m not going anywhere, Sean. Please…let me in. You have to let me in.” He leant his forehead against the door, his mind racing. What was Sean doing? “Sean…. Please…open the door.” And then he heard the sobbing. It was quiet but it was there.
“Sean!” Elijah’s voice was suddenly filled with dread. “Please…please…open the door. Don’t do this. Don’t you fucking do this. I know you’re in there. Sean…please…for god sake open the fucking door!”
Sean didn’t move. Hearing Elijah outside pleading to be let in was tearing him in two.
“You can’t do this to me, Sean! You can’t.” Elijah’s voice was cracking with emotion, and Sean covered his head with his arms, he felt like howling with the pain of it all.
Elijah stood up, aware that his body was shaking. He wiped forming tears away from his eyes, and stepped back from the front door. He had never felt so sacred. “I don’t know why you are doing this, Sean. I fucking love you…don’t…please don’t do this!” He shouted desperately at the closed door. “Sean!”
Sean couldn’t bear it, not for another moment. He felt like he was destroying Elijah, bringing his world crashing down around him. And it was his fault. Entirely his own fault. He had made such a big mistake, and the consequences were now heartbreaking, and why hadn’t he thought about it last night, before he took Elijah into his mouth? He was fucking idiot, acting without thought and on fucking impulse.
“Please, Sean!” He knew that Elijah was crying now and he was entirely to blame, and he hated himself so much. He had messed it all up. His life, Elijah’s life, his wife, his daughter...
“Sean…. let me in. I want to see you. Please…Sean…” Elijah was sobbing as he banged on the door again. “Please…please…Sean…don’t do this, don’t do this to us.”
Don’t do this to us. Sean couldn’t take anymore. Elijah didn’t deserve this; he didn’t deserve any of it. None of this was his fault. He pulled himself up onto his feet, and turned to the door. Elijah had stop hammering on the door now, but Sean could hear him weeping. He pulled the latch back and opened the door; the security chain stopped it opening all the way.
Elijah was sitting on the step, and heard the door open behind him. He turned and quickly got up on to his feet, a look of puzzlement crossed his face when he saw that Sean had not removed the chain. Sean looked at him through the gap in the door, and his heart ached to just let Elijah in and comfort him and ask him, if not plead with him, for forgiveness. He wanted to tell him that he loved him, and will always love him, but he just stared at the frightened tear stained face in front of him, seeing the look of confusion and hurt in Elijah’s eyes.
“Christine is coming home tomorrow.” Sean spoke. His voice was thick. He tried to keep any emotion he felt under control. How can he fucking tell Elijah that nothing else was ever going to happen between them again? Not ever. “Go home Elijah.”
Elijah stared at Sean. He could see that his eyes were swollen from crying. A lot of crying. He shook his head, fighting down nausea. “Please let me in Sean,” he pleaded. “Please. We can talk about this. Don’t shut me out, please don’t shut me out. I know you want to let me in. Please Sean. I love you.”
Sean swallowed hard. He wanted to let Elijah in more than anything, of course he did. He loved this man who was stood in front of him, begging and pleading with him. But his wife and daughter had to come first. They had to, and that was what he had to think about now. He mustn’t think of the way Elijah moved underneath him last night as they made love. Nor the way Elijah lips and tongue so expertly explored every inch of his body making him moan and gasp with pleasure, and not the way Elijah curled into his arms as they finally drifted off to sleep. Christine and Ali...not Elijah…
“Sean…?” Elijah took a pace towards the door, and moved his hand quickly so it caught hold of Sean’s, but Sean pulled his hand back, suddenly angry that Elijah was doing this.
“Go home, Elijah. It’s over,” he snapped. “It was a mistake, understand me. A fucking mistake.” Then he closed the door, and the distraught look on Elijah’s face was going to haunt him forever.
tbc
Author/Email: Salogel42
Pairing: SeanA/Elijah
Rating: NC17 (for sexual references)
Summary: Sean regrets the events of the night before.
Feedback: Yes please
Warning: angst
Disclaimer: The accident did happen but not the events that followed.
Any sort of author notes: The boat scene at the end of FOTR inspired me to write this fic.
Don’t You Leave Him
Part 2 – Rejection
The alarm nudged Elijah out of sleep and into wakefulness. It was dark in the room, with only a hint of moonlight drifting through the partially closed curtains. Sean was still fast asleep next to him, his breathing slow and languid, whispering warmly across the nape of Elijah’s neck. The events of last night slowly filtered into Elijah’s mind. He smiled to himself as he remembered their lovemaking. He could still feel Sean inside him, a feeling that had been uncomfortable at first, but Sean had been so gentle and so patient, giving him as much time as he needed to adjust to this whole new experience. And it had been wonderful, more than wonderful. He switched on the bedroom lamp and then turned his head so that he could look into Sean’s sleeping face. He raised his hand and gently ran a finger across Sean’s parted lips, and then he leaned in and kissed him softly, not wanting to wake him, but at the same time wanting to wake him. Sean’s eyes flickered open.
“Morning, little hobbit…” Sean smiled sleepily at Elijah. “It’s not time for you to go already is it?”
“It is.” Elijah leaned in to kiss Sean again. How he wanted to stay here, in Sean’s arms, in Sean’s bed. “Early call, its back to the lake again.”
“Well, I’ll probably be coming with you tomorrow.”
Elijah nodded. “I’m going to miss you.” He pulled himself in closer to Sean’s warm body. “Maybe I could just stay here with you, forget being a hobbit for one day. I’m sure no one would mind.” Elijah moved his leg so that it nestled in between Sean’s thighs. He relished the contact of skin on skin. “Just stay here with you…” he murmured as he pressed his mouth onto Sean’s once again, pushing his tongue in this time. “Don’t want to leave you, Sean…”
Sean placed his hand around the back of Elijah’s head and returned the kiss. Elijah’s tongue in his mouth was unbelievably wonderful, igniting once again the wanton desire he had felt the night before. He pulled his mouth away reluctantly, and heard Elijah groan in protest.
Sean couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m sure you don’t want to be on the receiving end of Peter’s wrath, do you? Up you get.”
“I am up,” Elijah grinned wickedly at Sean. “Want to feel?”
Sean laughed. “Lij…I know. Now come on, or you’ll be late. I’ll feel you later.”
With a sheer will of effort and a sigh filled with reluctance, Elijah pulled himself away from Sean and sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slightly hunched.
Sean reached out his hand and let his fingers run down the length of Elijah’s naked back. “I’ll be here when you return,” he said. “Here and waiting.”
Elijah looked over his shoulder at Sean. “I love you Sean,” he said softly, and then stood up. It really was time to go.
**
Sean thanked the driver, and let himself back into his house; he really thought he was never going to get away from his check up at the hospital. He wondered how Elijah was, and glanced down at his watch. He would be hours yet.
He slowly made his way into his kitchen and prepared a sandwich, and then he went into his living room and sat down. He saw that the red light was flashing on his answer phone, so he pressed the play button.
The first message was from Peter, asking after him and telling him, in his ‘you have no option’ voice that he was needed back on set tomorrow. Sean smiled, how could anyone ever resist Peter’s persuasive manner.
The second message was from Elijah, which was obviously done very quickly and under pressure. A slight giggle, a quick I love you, and hope you are ok, then, gotta go. Sean took a bite of his sandwich, and settled back to hear the next message. He froze as he heard the voice.
“Sean, honey, hello it’s me. Just to let you know that Peter called me and told me what happened to you yesterday. I figured you got held up at the hospital and couldn’t call me. Ali and I will be back with you tomorrow afternoon. We’ve missed you, and…and…. hold on a minute…”
Sean heard a scrabbling noise…then… “Daddy…love you daddy…see you ‘morrow.”
A scrabbling noise again. “I’ll try and call you later sweetheart. Love you.” Then the answer machine went quiet and clicked off.
Sean stared at the phone, he could feel his stomach turning over, and he knew he was going to be physically sick. He made his way as quickly as he could to the toilet and dropped onto his knees, head over the pan, and his stomach emptied. Jesus…oh Jesus…oh Jesus. His head was spinning, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. Jesus...fuck…fuck…fuck. He hauled himself back onto his feet and wiped his mouth, his whole body was trembling, and he thought he was going to be sick again. Then the sound of the phone ringing suddenly chilled him to the bone. He couldn’t move. He closed his eyes as the room swam and panic engulfed him. What had he done? What had he fucking done? Christine…Ali…Jesus Christ, Jesus fucking Christ.
The phone stopped, and the silence was shattering. Sean felt sick to his stomach, and his head began pounding, and the urge to throw up again overwhelmed him. What the fuck was he going to do? My God, he had blown it; he was going to lose his fucking wife and daughter, because of Elijah. Fucking Elijah. Fucking, beautiful, wonderful Elijah. Sean then began to cry.
**
“More sorrow Elijah,” Peter looked around the camera. “Its not working mate, you just look too darn happy.”
Happy, Elijah thought. Peter, you have no idea. He was more than happy, he was fucking elated. All he could think about was last night. Sean’s hands on him, exploring him, touching him everywhere, making him writhe in fucking ecstasy.
“Elijah…ready to go again?”
Elijah nodded, and took in a deep breath. The lake looked beautiful, hardly a ripple on the water. He stood at the water’s edge ring in hand, and looked out over the view. Think of going to Mordor alone, he told himself. Think of leaving all your friends behind you. But all he could think of was Sean between his legs, pushing inside him and making him gasp.
“Cut…Elijah…you’re fucking smiling…” Peter stood up and ran his hand through his unruly hair. “Take five everyone.” The rest of the crew stood down, feeling a little uneasy. Peter didn’t lose his cool very often.
Elijah slipped the ring back into his pocket and looked apologetically at Peter. “I’m sorry Pete,” he said. “I’m just not concentrating enough. I’ll get it right. It’ll be cool.”
Peter nodded. “I want to wrap this scene up today Elijah. Sean will be back out here with you tomorrow for the boat scene, and god knows but that is going to take long enough. We need a total wrap up here tomorrow. So just think of something sad will you? For me? Please?”
Elijah smiled. He didn’t think he would ever be sad again. “I will, Pete don’t worry.”
Peter gave him a none-too convinced nod, and then made his way over to the small canteen tent, and after a moment Elijah followed him.
**
Sean’s mind was in turmoil. He found himself walking around in a daze, and eventually ending up sitting down on his bed, surrounded by the rumbled sheets, still smelling of Elijah and their night of lovemaking. He rested his head in his hands; his mind was working overtime. Just hours ago they were here, both of them locked in unison. Elijah underneath him, yielding and willing. It has been one of the most beautiful experiences of his life, and his thoughts never strayed for one moment away from what he was doing, and if it was wrong. He had been lost in Elijah, completely and totally, nothing else had mattered, not last night, and not this morning. I’ll be here when you return. “Oh God…Elijah…” he spoke out loudly and then began to weep again. He knew that Elijah couldn’t return, and that very thought tore right into his soul.
Sean raised his head at the sound of the phone ringing downstairs. Then he heard the answer phone click in, and then he heard his wife’s voice.
“Sean, Sean are you there? Please ring me honey. We miss you.”
Sean stood up and wiped his eyes. His heart felt heavy as he looked down at the bed, and he paused momentarily before pulling off all the bed linen. He knew what he had to do. He had no choice, no choice at all, and it was going to all but kill him. He made his way carefully down the stairs and piled the bedding into the washing machine. He felt like he was on automatic pilot. Once the machine was running he made his way into the living room, and picked up the phone. He then dialed Christine’s number.
**
“Cut!” Peter smiled at Elijah. Thank God, they were getting somewhere at last. “One more time, please Elijah.” Peter raised his hand for silence, and the clapperboard snapped shut once again.
Elijah looked out over the lake, and thought of Sean. He thought of how much he loved him. How he had loved him for so long, and had never said anything until last night. He thought of how much Sean meant to him, not just as a friend now, but as a lover too. And no one would ever be able to take that fact away from him. Not ever. He also thought about how much he needed Sean, and that he would be returning to him in just a few short hours. Every minute of this day had seemed like an hour, and he had missed him so much, and longed to be back in his arms.
“Cut…” Peter stood up. “That’s a print. Thank you Elijah. That’s a wrap everyone! Lets go home.”
Elijah stood where he was, still lost in thought.
“Elijah…” Peter called to him again. “Come on mate. Time to go.”
Elijah blinked and then turned and looked at Peter. He smiled as he nodded. Definitely time to go home.
**
Sean found himself pacing, albeit very slowly and very carefully. He looked at his watch, and his stomach churned. What the fuck was he going to say to Elijah? He would be here very soon. He wouldn’t let him in. He couldn’t let him in. Why the fuck did he let him stay last night? Jesus, he felt like dying. He was dying. Deep down inside. Christ Elijah why did you stay? Why did you let me seduce you? Why did you come into my fucking life? He felt tears forming again as his internal battle raged. Then he heard a car pull up. Oh god…oh fucking god… He made his way to the front door. He had locked it so that Elijah’s key would not work. He heard the key slide into the lock unsuccessfully and then he heard Elijah knock.
“Sean? Sean? You there? It’s me.”
Sean closed his eyes, as he stood there inches away from Elijah, a mere piece of wood separating them. Elijah’s knocking continued.
“Sean? Are you ok?” Elijah looked at the closed door willing to be able see through it. “Sean?” He stepped back and looked up to upstairs window but it was dark. He knew that Sean couldn’t go very far because of his injury.
“Sean, its me, Elijah. Open up.” Elijah waited patiently before kneeling down and calling through the letterbox. “Sean!” he shouted, trying to ignore the first hint of panic tainting his voice.
I can’t Lij, I can’t. Sean tried to stifle his sobs as he pressed his back against the doorframe. I’m so sorry.
Elijah stood up and walked over the small garden so that he could look in through the kitchen window. He could see a light on in the corridor. He went back to the front door and hammered on it more loudly this time.
“Come on Sean, I know you’re in there. Please open the door.” Why won’t he fucking open the door?
I can’t, I fucking can’t…Sean slowly began sinking down to the floor, he felt like his whole world was collapsing around him.
“Sean, you’re beginning to fucking freak me out here!” Elijah banged on the door again. “Open the door…please…please. Sean.” Elijah could now hear definite panic in his voice, and he didn’t like it and it fucking scared him. He got onto his knees again, and opened the letterbox once more. “I’m not going anywhere, Sean. Please…let me in. You have to let me in.” He leant his forehead against the door, his mind racing. What was Sean doing? “Sean…. Please…open the door.” And then he heard the sobbing. It was quiet but it was there.
“Sean!” Elijah’s voice was suddenly filled with dread. “Please…please…open the door. Don’t do this. Don’t you fucking do this. I know you’re in there. Sean…please…for god sake open the fucking door!”
Sean didn’t move. Hearing Elijah outside pleading to be let in was tearing him in two.
“You can’t do this to me, Sean! You can’t.” Elijah’s voice was cracking with emotion, and Sean covered his head with his arms, he felt like howling with the pain of it all.
Elijah stood up, aware that his body was shaking. He wiped forming tears away from his eyes, and stepped back from the front door. He had never felt so sacred. “I don’t know why you are doing this, Sean. I fucking love you…don’t…please don’t do this!” He shouted desperately at the closed door. “Sean!”
Sean couldn’t bear it, not for another moment. He felt like he was destroying Elijah, bringing his world crashing down around him. And it was his fault. Entirely his own fault. He had made such a big mistake, and the consequences were now heartbreaking, and why hadn’t he thought about it last night, before he took Elijah into his mouth? He was fucking idiot, acting without thought and on fucking impulse.
“Please, Sean!” He knew that Elijah was crying now and he was entirely to blame, and he hated himself so much. He had messed it all up. His life, Elijah’s life, his wife, his daughter...
“Sean…. let me in. I want to see you. Please…Sean…” Elijah was sobbing as he banged on the door again. “Please…please…Sean…don’t do this, don’t do this to us.”
Don’t do this to us. Sean couldn’t take anymore. Elijah didn’t deserve this; he didn’t deserve any of it. None of this was his fault. He pulled himself up onto his feet, and turned to the door. Elijah had stop hammering on the door now, but Sean could hear him weeping. He pulled the latch back and opened the door; the security chain stopped it opening all the way.
Elijah was sitting on the step, and heard the door open behind him. He turned and quickly got up on to his feet, a look of puzzlement crossed his face when he saw that Sean had not removed the chain. Sean looked at him through the gap in the door, and his heart ached to just let Elijah in and comfort him and ask him, if not plead with him, for forgiveness. He wanted to tell him that he loved him, and will always love him, but he just stared at the frightened tear stained face in front of him, seeing the look of confusion and hurt in Elijah’s eyes.
“Christine is coming home tomorrow.” Sean spoke. His voice was thick. He tried to keep any emotion he felt under control. How can he fucking tell Elijah that nothing else was ever going to happen between them again? Not ever. “Go home Elijah.”
Elijah stared at Sean. He could see that his eyes were swollen from crying. A lot of crying. He shook his head, fighting down nausea. “Please let me in Sean,” he pleaded. “Please. We can talk about this. Don’t shut me out, please don’t shut me out. I know you want to let me in. Please Sean. I love you.”
Sean swallowed hard. He wanted to let Elijah in more than anything, of course he did. He loved this man who was stood in front of him, begging and pleading with him. But his wife and daughter had to come first. They had to, and that was what he had to think about now. He mustn’t think of the way Elijah moved underneath him last night as they made love. Nor the way Elijah lips and tongue so expertly explored every inch of his body making him moan and gasp with pleasure, and not the way Elijah curled into his arms as they finally drifted off to sleep. Christine and Ali...not Elijah…
“Sean…?” Elijah took a pace towards the door, and moved his hand quickly so it caught hold of Sean’s, but Sean pulled his hand back, suddenly angry that Elijah was doing this.
“Go home, Elijah. It’s over,” he snapped. “It was a mistake, understand me. A fucking mistake.” Then he closed the door, and the distraught look on Elijah’s face was going to haunt him forever.
tbc