FIC: 26 Ways to Deal, BB/DM, R

[weeyotch.livejournal.com]

Title: 26 Ways to Deal
Author: aralinde/weeyotch (two sides, same coin)
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: R for language, and some sexual content. It's probably a PG-13, but I rate up.
Disclaimer: Not real, never happened. I don't own Billy and Dom, much as I'd like to.
Summary: 26 ways to look at a relationship.
Notes: Bits and pieces of this are from poems/original fics that some of you might recognize. hikethekilt might recognize some of this, as well (and she'd better, 'cause this is a 'cheer-up' present for her). The pr0n was totally written for shoshannagold, because I PWND her the other day, and she's probably still crying over it.
X-posted to weeyotch, fellow_shippers and monaboyd. The little poem thingy is actually from a song that I used to sing my niece to sleep. She wanted me to 'write it up nice and pretty one day'. I don't think this is what she meant.





A is for amused

“It’s not that funny, Billy.”

Billy was laughing too hard to reply. He was leaning against the wall for support, clutching his side. Dom made a face.

“Are you done yet?”

Billy held up a hand. “Just—just a minute. I just—OhGod.” And he was off again.

Even when Dom rolled his eyes and started to walk away, he could still hear Billy’s laughter.

B is for broken

I don’t think there’s anything left to say about it. But I feel like there should be some sort of ending, yeah? Some epitaph. Something that says “Billy was here”. Something. Anything.

But it’s not really an ending. We’re still friends, whatever that means. We still see each other. I’m having lunch with him tomorrow.

But it never really ended. Maybe because it never had a beginning.

I just feel—unfinished. Like there’s pieces being swept under the sofa.

I don’t think there’s anything left to say about it.

C is for calm

“You’re right,” Dom said sleepily. Curled around Billy, into him and next to him and part of him. “We should’ve bought a hammock ages ago.”

Billy just kissed Dom’s forehead. Pushed back a lock of Dom’s hair, and smiled.

D is for definite

Do you ever think…’What If’? Dom buried his face in Billy’s neck. Yawned.

What do you mean?

Well, what if something had turned out differently? What if you’d been born here instead of there. What if you’d decided to become a teacher instead of an actor. What if you and I…

What about you and I?

What if we’d never…you know…

Billy kissed the top of Dom’s head. No. Never crossed my mind.

E is for eventual

Sometimes Billy felt like he’d missed something. If he didn’t think it would sound silly, he’d call it the courtship part of the relationship.

There was never a first date. No nervous flutterings and hesitant kisses. When Dom met Billy, that’s all there was to it. It just—happened.

But then Billy thinks that the alternative is a life where Dom and Billy didn’t happen, and that makes the idea of a courtship much less appealing.

F is for frantic

Their sex was violence—fucking in the highest extreme. Afterwards, they would compare bruises, displaying them as battle scars. Vicious bites, nails scraped across skin, pale shadows from falling on and out of furniture.

They twisted and turned, fighting each other for dominance, in some unspoken battle. Neither could remember its origin. Neither could remember if it had always been like this. They didn’t really care to remember. This is how it is now. That’s all that matters.

Afterwards, they would breathe harshly against the stillness and the dark. Sometimes their fingers would touch, tangle, entwine, before falling into sleep.

G is for greedy

“Jesus, Dom,” Billy said, tipping his head back so Dom could have better access to his neck. “Not here, alright?”

“Why not,” is what he thinks Dom said. But then Dom was busy unzipping Billy’s trousers, and Billy lost his train of thought.

Oh, there it was. “Anyone could walk in—just—“

“Just—shut it. And let me—“

This was the third time they’d ended up in this spot. And one of these days they were definitely going to get caught—

Just then, Dom did that thing with his tongue, and Billy stopped caring.

H is for hopeful

This will make all the difference.

I know—I just know—that things are gonna change. Have to. We dance around it, but we both know what’s there. What could be there. And I want it. Want him.

This is it. I can tell. Can feel it. And I know I’ve said that before, but this really is the day. Has to be.

Has to be, has to be, has to be.

I is for invisible

Sometimes Dom wonders if Billy is even here. If he reached out and tried to touch him. If his hands would drift straight through, and find—nothing.

He tells himself that nothing’s changed, everything’s fine. But Billy’s pale skin and paler gaze would make that a lie.

J is for joking

“You can get that look off your face,” Dom said with a grin. “Just joking.”

Billy rolled his eyes. Said something—he couldn’t remember what. Made everyone laugh, though.

It wasn’t until later that looked in the mirror. Traced his lips thoughtfully.

It was just a joke, after all.

K is for kiss

“Just a joke, right?” was all he said before he left.

Dom was left speechless. Hadn’t moved since Billy had burst into the room, kissed him, and left—all in a matter of seconds.

He bit his lip tentatively.

Smiled slowly.

And went out to find him.

L is for lingering

When Billy was able to speak, he said, “What was that for?”

“’Cause I wanted to,” was all Dom would say. And then he kissed him again.

Later—much later—Billy would say that this was turning out to be a very poor sort of joke.

Later—a little later—after that, Dom would say that it was a good thing that neither of them were laughing, then.

M is for meaningful

you light the world
in shadows fell
a long, long way from home
my heart is blind
and so unwise
a long, long way from home
you light the world
as stars they fade
the moon is gone

N is for numb

The first time is always the hardest. At least, that’s what they say.

Watching Billy, his hand in Ali's. Watching them exchange looks. Laugh at private jokes.

And Dom wraps his arms around himself, even though he’s not cold. He’s not angry, or sad. He’s not—anything.

O is for others

It’s strange, how you can look back and feel…amazed. Because what you feel now isn’t what you felt then.

No. That isn’t right. You still love Dom. Always have; always will.

It’s just not the white-hot passion that marked your early days. Or even the warm comfort of recent years.

And Elijah looks up, and gives you that smile—that smile—and you wonder what to call this new development.

P is for practical

It just makes more sense this way, is what he said. You have your place, and I’ll have mine. That way we won’t be constantly in each other’s space.

And Billy wanted to tell him that he wanted Dom to be in his space. Constantly.

Instead, he just nodded. And agreed.

Q is for quickly

You only kiss me like that when something’s wrong, Dom said suspiciously.

I do not! I just—wanted to kiss you, is all.

Spill it.

Nothing! Nothing at all! Billy held up his hands.

Hmm…

Well, if you don’t want me to kiss you anymore…

Let’s not go that far.

R is for resentful

He’s not going to look. He’s not going to look. He’s not going to—

Fucker caught him looking. Again.

He doesn’t care. Shouldn’t care. After all, he was the one that ended it. And about fucking time, too. They were going nowhere. And Dom had every intention of going somewhere—and soon.

No, he doesn’t give a shit. He could care less that Billy’s here, and whispering in Orlando’s ear. Doesn’t even faze him that they’ve been in that corner, talking for at least twenty minutes. And when Orlando’s hand slips under the table, Dom isn’t concerned in the slightest.

Because he’s the one that ended it, anyway. Not that he’s even looking in their direction.

S is for silence

Dom caught Billy’s eye for the third time that afternoon.

“And then, there was an alligator—wait, maybe that comes later. Hold on, let me start again. This guy walks into a bar—I think—“

Billy rolled his eyes dramatically, causing Dom’s face to turn red. Elijah glared at them before continuing.

“Okay, so the bartender says, ‘There are three things you have to do first’ “—

Billy had to clap a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter when Dom made yet another face.

T is for tentative

There are some conversations that Billy just doesn’t want to have. And he never thought he’d have to talk to Dom about this.

But Billy isn’t fragile—and definitely not where Dom is concerned. And Dom’s kisses are almost translucent—they shimmer and glow, and never quite touch.

Billy wonders what it’s going to take—if he’ll have to throw Dom against the wall. Kiss him hard, with aggression and clashing of teeth. Dig his fingers into Dom’s skin until he leaves a mark.

Actually, that’s not such a bad idea.

U is for understanding

He already knows. Because he’s Dom, and that’s Billy, and that’s what they do. Read each other’s minds (or damn near).

So when Billy says that they need to talk, Dom already knows what’s on Billy’s mind.

That’s why he hung up the phone. No need to talk about it.

He already knew.

V is for vacant

Sometimes, Billy wonders if Dom is even here. If he tried to meet Dom’s eyes, would Dom stare right through him?

He can’t blame it on L.A. Dom’s nails are bitten to the quick; he leans forward, hunched over. He chews his lip anxiously.

And when Dom looks up—just for a second—his eyes are as clear and cool as polished glass.

W is for wistful

It doesn’t really matter, he tells himself. This is the best thing to do. Dom wants to be here. Needs to be here. Just like Billy needs to be in Scotland.

Still, it would’ve been nice if Billy had tried to talk him out of it.

Even nicer if he’d asked Dom to stay.

X is for xenophobia

“But why would anything have to change? We’d still be Dom and Billy, no one else—“

“Don’t give me that. Things change. They always do.”

“So why can’t we change with it?”

“We’d be strangers to each other. We’d be two completely different people. Is that what you want?”

“Yes! I mean, no. That’s not how it would be. We’d still be us—“

“So, let’s just be us. Here. Now.”

A sigh.

“Well?”

“I—can’t do that. I can’t just pretend that I don’t—that we’re just—“

“That’s not how I meant it—“

“No, you’re right. We’d be strangers to each other.”

“Wait, just—“

“We already are, in a way.”


Y is for youth

Sometimes Dom feels like the only adult in this relationship. Which makes no sense, because Billy’s older (even though he doesn’t look it) and he’s more responsible (well, not always), and he’s…Billy. And Dom is Dom, and not known for being mature or responsible, or any of those words that crawl over his skin and make him itch.

But right now Billy is stretched out on the sand. Yelling for Dom to get his arse over here and they’ll make castles and go surfing and ten thousand other things they won’t get around to.


Z is for zeal

Billy had known about Dom—and his feelings—for some time. And for some time, he was content to just sit back and watch. Dom was so focused in his efforts.

So focused that he didn’t even realize that it wouldn’t take much effort at all. Didn’t.

The first time Dom worked up the courage to kiss him, Billy kissed him back with the same passion that Dom put into—everything.