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unstealthy.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2004-07-02 10:42 pm
unstealthy.livejournal.com) wrote in fellowshippers2004-07-02 10:42 pm
A Friday funny
Title: Not so far apart?
Pairing: Domlijah
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: If only. If only.
Summary: Elijah needs to get stuff off his chest. Badly.
Author's notes: This came to me in two stages, while looking at TORn, and then while watching Greece v Czech Republic in Euro 2004 last night. Dialogue only. Short 'n' silly.
Not so Far Apart?
"Fucking Greece fucking beat us!"
"Lij? What are you doing? It must be 2.30 am there! Don't you have to be on set tomorrow?"
"Fucking Greeks! What the fuck do they know about football?"
"You're pissed, Elwood. And I'm getting this really weird role reversal thing happening."
"They fucking cheated!"
"Did they?"
"I have no idea! And talking of cheating... I noticed today that, very mysteriously, Merry is currently coming second in the 'Who would win the Middle Earth poker championships' poll on TheOneRing.net!"
"Er, yes, so?"
"How many times have you voted for him, Dom?"
"Who, me?"
"Yes, you!"
"Er... four times a day. It just had to be done, mate."
"Ohmigod. Merry. Merry would never win at poker. Like.. whatthefuck, dude? Even Legolas would be better at poker than Merry! And stop laughing at me!"
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing towards you. I'm facing east, and I'm laughing towards you. So exactly how much have you drunk this evening?"
"Fuck knows. We had to drown our sorrows though. And it took raaaather a long time 'cause we were very sorrowful."
"What's this 'we' business?"
"We. Us. The Checkapublic."
"Lij, if you're too drunk to even say the name of the country you're standing in, you should probably go to bed. And why did your voice go all echoey when you said that?"
"Cause I'm in the bathroom."
"Oh god, Lij, no, please don't say you're... oh fuck."
"God, I could piss for days."
"Please don't."
"There, all do..."
"Lij? Lij, what just happened? Are you there?"
"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Sorry, dropped the phone."
"Go. To. Bed."
"I'm going, okay Mom?"
"If I was there with you I'd cuddle you while you fall asleep."
"Dommie-wommie wants a cuddly wuddly with Lijey-wijey. Mmmm."
"Fucking hell."
"God, I hate it when you lie down and the room is still spinning."
"Miss you, Lij."
"Miss you too. All snuggly without my Dommie in bed with me. Hey, you know what I really loved about filming in London?"
"The climate? The clean air and reliable public transport?"
"No, asshole. The whole 'd'you want anything from the shop' thing. People just don't do that here. No-one brings me back chocolate."
"You'll be done soon. Then you can come visit me in Hawaii and I'll give you chocolate and cuddles."
"You sad, sentimental fuck."
"Maybe, but I still get paid to go to Hawaii. Hey, Lij?"
"Mmmm?"
"I guess you're not really up for phone sex right now..."
"Too shleepy, Dommie... Love you though..."
"Oh well, I'll just have to go and have a wank and imagine what it could have been like. You still awake, Lij? ... Lij? ... I guess not then. So I'm talking to myself right now. Oh well. Thanks for calling. Love you lots. Miss you. This is all lost on you, isn't it. Oh fuck it."
Pairing: Domlijah
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: If only. If only.
Summary: Elijah needs to get stuff off his chest. Badly.
Author's notes: This came to me in two stages, while looking at TORn, and then while watching Greece v Czech Republic in Euro 2004 last night. Dialogue only. Short 'n' silly.
Not so Far Apart?
"Fucking Greece fucking beat us!"
"Lij? What are you doing? It must be 2.30 am there! Don't you have to be on set tomorrow?"
"Fucking Greeks! What the fuck do they know about football?"
"You're pissed, Elwood. And I'm getting this really weird role reversal thing happening."
"They fucking cheated!"
"Did they?"
"I have no idea! And talking of cheating... I noticed today that, very mysteriously, Merry is currently coming second in the 'Who would win the Middle Earth poker championships' poll on TheOneRing.net!"
"Er, yes, so?"
"How many times have you voted for him, Dom?"
"Who, me?"
"Yes, you!"
"Er... four times a day. It just had to be done, mate."
"Ohmigod. Merry. Merry would never win at poker. Like.. whatthefuck, dude? Even Legolas would be better at poker than Merry! And stop laughing at me!"
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing towards you. I'm facing east, and I'm laughing towards you. So exactly how much have you drunk this evening?"
"Fuck knows. We had to drown our sorrows though. And it took raaaather a long time 'cause we were very sorrowful."
"What's this 'we' business?"
"We. Us. The Checkapublic."
"Lij, if you're too drunk to even say the name of the country you're standing in, you should probably go to bed. And why did your voice go all echoey when you said that?"
"Cause I'm in the bathroom."
"Oh god, Lij, no, please don't say you're... oh fuck."
"God, I could piss for days."
"Please don't."
"There, all do..."
"Lij? Lij, what just happened? Are you there?"
"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Sorry, dropped the phone."
"Go. To. Bed."
"I'm going, okay Mom?"
"If I was there with you I'd cuddle you while you fall asleep."
"Dommie-wommie wants a cuddly wuddly with Lijey-wijey. Mmmm."
"Fucking hell."
"God, I hate it when you lie down and the room is still spinning."
"Miss you, Lij."
"Miss you too. All snuggly without my Dommie in bed with me. Hey, you know what I really loved about filming in London?"
"The climate? The clean air and reliable public transport?"
"No, asshole. The whole 'd'you want anything from the shop' thing. People just don't do that here. No-one brings me back chocolate."
"You'll be done soon. Then you can come visit me in Hawaii and I'll give you chocolate and cuddles."
"You sad, sentimental fuck."
"Maybe, but I still get paid to go to Hawaii. Hey, Lij?"
"Mmmm?"
"I guess you're not really up for phone sex right now..."
"Too shleepy, Dommie... Love you though..."
"Oh well, I'll just have to go and have a wank and imagine what it could have been like. You still awake, Lij? ... Lij? ... I guess not then. So I'm talking to myself right now. Oh well. Thanks for calling. Love you lots. Miss you. This is all lost on you, isn't it. Oh fuck it."
no subject
The whole thing is cute and funny and sweet, but this line is the absolute BEST!!!
Wheee!!!
no subject
And it took raaaather a long time 'cause we were very sorrowful."
I can literally hear him saying that. He really does draw out words like that and I'd only imagine it'd get worse when he's drunk. And then Elijah asking Dom about voting for Merry (perfectly random) and then Dom talking to himself at the end. What am I saying, I loved it all. Keep it up, you hear? *g*
no subject
Just what I needed to send me into a happy dream sleep.
Without Dommie cuddles, unfortunately, but it happens.
Thank you.
no subject
no subject
The random voting for Merry thing - I saw the poll on TORn and would love to ask Dom if he had anything to do with it, so I stuck it in the story!
no subject
*cuddles*