AndreaLyn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andrealyn) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fellowshippers2004-06-29 12:16 pm
andrealyn) wrote in fellowshippers2004-06-29 12:16 pm
(no subject)
Title: The Virtue Of Men
Pairing: Karl/Viggo, Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Never, ever, ever happened.
Summary: Sean can't fail again. Not when the stakes are so high.
Notes: Thanks![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
captnobvious for beta and twinklypixie for translations.
benignatas
When Sean walks into his room and finds Dom pacing about, he can’t say he’s surprised. He also isn’t able to decide whether he’s grateful or irritated with the interruption. On the one hand, he’s not exactly ready to deal with Dom’s issues, but he knows he’ll take a whack at it because that’s what he does. On the other hand, he’d been on his way to maybe, possibly, potentially talking to Billy about certain issues of late. After the fight he had eavesdropped mere hours ago, he thinks that they’ve hit a breaking point in which words need to be said.
‘Definitely grateful,’ Sean thinks of Dom’s intrusion after weighing his options.
“Hey Dom, what’s up?” Sean greets him jovially.
Dom raises an eyebrow, stops, crosses his arms and leans against the wall. When Sean looks over, all he can see is Dom’s ‘I-Know-Everything’ face. Sean hates that face. “I think you know. And if you say you don’t, I’ll call you a liar. Among other things.”
“I might,” Sean replies guardedly, crossing his arms as he sits down. He tries to keep as cool as he can be, because the last thing he wants is for Dom to lose his temper. It’s been a very long time since that’s happened and Sean’s not looking to change that. Dom fidgets, one hand rising to his neckline, but not quite touching there. “Are you okay?” Sean hesitantly asks.
“No,” Dom mutters in reply. He gives a forced smile, and Sean shifts a little, feeling wholly uncomfortable. Sean doesn’t say anything just yet, because what is there to say, really? “Billy’s not okay. We’re not okay. I’m not okay at all,” he murmurs in the same tone.
Sean nods slowly, taking it all in. “Have you maybe spoken to Billy about this? Asked him if he’s okay…”
“We fought,” Dom interrupts curtly.
“You should really talk to him,” Sean suggests like a friend should, with warm and gentle tones. He even takes a few steps towards Dom and begins to wrap an arm around Dom’s waist in a friendly gesture to get him moving. It doesn’t have the desired effect though. It only sparks Dom into flinching away and pacing about again. “Dom, I shouldn’t be the one you turn to,” and when Sean says that, as much as it stings him, he knows it’s the whole truth.
“Not Billy,” Dom growls.
“Billy,” Sean confirms, plastering a sympathetic smile on his face. He manages to get one hand clamped on Dom’s shoulder and pulls him into a tight hug. “After all, you two were working things out so well.”
“No,” Dom murmurs, and the way Dom denies it makes the blood in Sean’s veins go icy. “No, we weren’t. I’ve not done a thing. Billy teases the bruise. Billy…he keeps it. We don’t talk anymore. We aren’t happy anymore. All we do is fight.”
“Maybe seeking help then,” Sean suggests, running out of options and feeling as though he’s at the end of his rope. “But first, talk to Bill.”
Dom pulls away, heading to the door, all the while shaking his head.
“Dom, talk to Bill,” Sean repeats, trying to put a little more warning into his voice. He knows that if Dom walks out of the room right now, nothing is going to get solved and the possibility of things getting worse will be on the table. Dom gives a rueful smile and starts to turn away. “Dom!”
“Sorry, Sean,” Dom grunts and leaves the room. He closes the door behind him and with it, he effective forces Sean out of the picture.
Sean doesn’t really drink to abandon, but he doesn’t know what else to do. Dom can be utterly frustrating at times, and sometimes Sean just wants to throttle him until he sees the light. Such a thing is not possible when there are many people who would retaliate if Sean had tried something like that.
Instead, he chooses to drink a beer.
That beer is followed by a shot of tequila, and then he samples the variety of vodkas that they’ve put into the fridge. By the time he’s onto raspberry vodka, he remembers to forget all about Billy and Dom’s troubles, and in the back of his mind, he even recalls that he need not take care of everyone.
Which is a lie, and Sean knows he’s going to do something to contradict himself within the next twenty-four hours. He sits on a bar stool and slumps forward, drawing out patterns on the wood with his index finger, spelling out names, and with each one, figuring a plan of attack of how he can help them.
By the time he spells the ‘M’ that stands for the last letter in D O M, he’s got a plan of attack. It’s just a matter of committing it to memory before the nice alcohol allows it to drift away, like a wave. He reminds himself exactly what he has to do, but is interrupted before he can write any of it down. The door has been slammed, and there is heavy breathing going on behind him.
Sean turns to find Elijah is having trouble breathing properly with his fists clenched at his sides. He raises his eyebrows in surprise, because Elijah had pulled that Rachel girl earlier that night – according to Orlando. There is a moment of silence between them.
“Sean…” Elijah mumbles quietly.
“What is it, Elwood?” Sean replies with a heavy slur to his voice. He feels heavy getting off the stool, and nearly trips as he makes his way over to Elijah’s side. “S’wrong?”
“I’m a horrible person,” Elijah says as he furrows his brow, and a flicker of disgust passes over his face. They’re both vaguely aware that Elijah’s hands are supporting Sean’s body, and they aren’t saying anything. They’re just looking at each other.
“No,” Sean replies with a small and innocent smile, “you’re a beautiful person.”
And Elijah gives him a grin that makes Sean’s efforts seem worthwhile.
Elijah licks his lips, vein in his throat pounding hard as he looks Sean straight in the eye with those eyes of his – piercing through every barrier Sean has ever put up. “Thank you,” he quietly adds, before his mouth twitches into a tiny smile. “Need you,” he whispers.
And Sean’s whole body shivers.
There’s something about that crucial moment, and Sean knows it. It’s the make-or-break. In his mind, Sean can see where the entire evening can go depending on which decision he chooses. Robert Frost had laid it out perfectly. Two roads diverged in a wood, Sean thinks. He’s not going to take the safe road, because that means Elijah is going to go to sleep miserable. He can’t think about what that means Elijah might do. He’s failed Billy once, and that landed him in the hospital, bruised to heaven and back – bruises that should have faded, but have left their mark instead.
He can’t fail Elijah as well.
‘And I took the one less traveled by’, Sean thinks. He makes his decision almost instantly when he realizes that by making this choice, he will not fail Elijah. He leans a little closer to the warmth, and presses his lips against Elijah’s ear.
This is not the safe road, and Sean knows it. It’s the road that won’t fail Elijah. That’s the most important thing in Sean’s world at that very moment. The most crucial thought in Sean’s mind is making sure he does not fail Elijah.
“You got me,” Sean says, and it’s full of warmth, care, and promise.
The sun wakes Sean up, and he has a horrible headache. It matches the pit in his stomach quite well. He suspects that they must have planned ahead and formed a strategy to match the dull ache in his limbs. He remembers drinking last night after Dom had come to him to talk about his problems.
And then…
He gives a quiet moan of a sound when he realizes where he is; when he realizes who he’s with.
He feels his heart drop deep into his chest after rising to his throat, and he crawls out of the bed with stunning agility for the way he feels. He dresses himself as much as he can before the thought of being viscerally sick claims him. It’s such a powerful thought that he runs out of the room, half dressed – naked from the waist up – and crashes into the bathroom, hitting his body on walls and doors.
He makes it to the sink, clasping onto the cold ivory surface with both hands and leaning forward, taking deep breaths and steadfastly avoiding the mirror.
He collapses to the floor, and manages to be sick in the toilet.
Sean grabs a few tissues and wipes at his mouth, breathing slowly and heavily as the weight of his mistake comes crashing down over his head. He can’t even move because with every movement of his body, his thoughts stumble back to what he’s done. He slowly begins to recall what had happened.
Elijah’s lips had moved, and there was sound, but the sound and the movement hadn’t quite matched up. “You’re the only one I ever trusted, you know that Sean? The only one I’ve ever really known was there for me. I love you for that.
And then…and then, Sean realizes, he had let his guard down and had allowed himself to give in to his desire to make everyone else happy, and content, and at peace. He remembers Elijah’s lips warm on his, and a bed with sheets that are still tangled. He remembers seeing the smile on Elijah’s face and thinking: ‘It was worth it,’ to himself. He had helped Elijah.
In his quest to help everyone else, he’s destroyed a part of himself.
Sean jumps slightly when he arrives back to his room and finds Viggo sitting on his bed. It’s not that he never ran this scenario through the back of his mind, wondering if it would ever happen one day. It’s that…well, it’s that he never actually expected it to happen is all. Viggo had always been the one he had never expected to be in this position.
“I need your help,” Viggo speaks up quietly, sounding worse for the wear and thoroughly hesitant with every word. Sean assumes that Viggo is putting himself completely out there, and really he doesn’t blame him. Of everyone, Sean had always figured Viggo for having the skills to solve his own problems somehow. “You’re the one who prides himself on being charitable and helpful…”
“Yeah,” Sean interrupts, unsure whether he likes where this is going.
“I need your help,” Viggo repeats himself.
“Okay,” Sean hesitantly agrees if only for the fact that he’s not sure what kind of help he can offer to Viggo. Charity becomes Sean, however, and he’s nothing if not a glutton for punishment. He will help until his last breath, and they both know it. It’s strange to think he can be so helpful for others when he himself is slowly corroding at the core and silently falling apart.
He’ll worry about himself later though.
“Things with Karl are falling apart,” Viggo says quickly, his words tumbling so quickly that they might as well have been one word rather than a whole sentence. He laughs quietly, and it sounds broken to Sean’s ears. “I had plans, Sean. I had perfect plans for the two of us, and they’ve splintered and fallen into a void.”
“Nothing is stable,” Sean quietly says, crossing his arms uneasily and remaining standing above Viggo, who bows his head forward and rests his elbows on his legs. Viggo exhales slowly and steadily, not a breath out of place.
“But I had such a careful strategy. How does that fall through?” he reiterates with a frustrated roll of his eyes. Sean crouches down in front of Viggo and rests one hand on Viggo’s knee. Sean catches Viggo’s gaze and makes sure he’s kept it before he even says a single syllable.
“Are they his plans too?” Sean asks softly.
Viggo shakes his head. Sean understands about plans all too well.
“Then those aren’t the kind for you two,” he continues gently, giving a quiet chuckle. “Talk to him. That’s the best thing you can do.”
And when Sean walks away from Viggo, the room, and the situation, he can almost forget how much of a hypocrite he’s being. After all, there is nothing in him that is willing, or wanting to speak to Elijah about what happened.
It’s okay though. Sean can live with hypocrisy, so long as he’s helping someone else.
tbc
Pairing: Karl/Viggo, Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Never, ever, ever happened.
Summary: Sean can't fail again. Not when the stakes are so high.
Notes: Thanks
captnobvious for beta and twinklypixie for translations.When Sean walks into his room and finds Dom pacing about, he can’t say he’s surprised. He also isn’t able to decide whether he’s grateful or irritated with the interruption. On the one hand, he’s not exactly ready to deal with Dom’s issues, but he knows he’ll take a whack at it because that’s what he does. On the other hand, he’d been on his way to maybe, possibly, potentially talking to Billy about certain issues of late. After the fight he had eavesdropped mere hours ago, he thinks that they’ve hit a breaking point in which words need to be said.
‘Definitely grateful,’ Sean thinks of Dom’s intrusion after weighing his options.
“Hey Dom, what’s up?” Sean greets him jovially.
Dom raises an eyebrow, stops, crosses his arms and leans against the wall. When Sean looks over, all he can see is Dom’s ‘I-Know-Everything’ face. Sean hates that face. “I think you know. And if you say you don’t, I’ll call you a liar. Among other things.”
“I might,” Sean replies guardedly, crossing his arms as he sits down. He tries to keep as cool as he can be, because the last thing he wants is for Dom to lose his temper. It’s been a very long time since that’s happened and Sean’s not looking to change that. Dom fidgets, one hand rising to his neckline, but not quite touching there. “Are you okay?” Sean hesitantly asks.
“No,” Dom mutters in reply. He gives a forced smile, and Sean shifts a little, feeling wholly uncomfortable. Sean doesn’t say anything just yet, because what is there to say, really? “Billy’s not okay. We’re not okay. I’m not okay at all,” he murmurs in the same tone.
Sean nods slowly, taking it all in. “Have you maybe spoken to Billy about this? Asked him if he’s okay…”
“We fought,” Dom interrupts curtly.
“You should really talk to him,” Sean suggests like a friend should, with warm and gentle tones. He even takes a few steps towards Dom and begins to wrap an arm around Dom’s waist in a friendly gesture to get him moving. It doesn’t have the desired effect though. It only sparks Dom into flinching away and pacing about again. “Dom, I shouldn’t be the one you turn to,” and when Sean says that, as much as it stings him, he knows it’s the whole truth.
“Not Billy,” Dom growls.
“Billy,” Sean confirms, plastering a sympathetic smile on his face. He manages to get one hand clamped on Dom’s shoulder and pulls him into a tight hug. “After all, you two were working things out so well.”
“No,” Dom murmurs, and the way Dom denies it makes the blood in Sean’s veins go icy. “No, we weren’t. I’ve not done a thing. Billy teases the bruise. Billy…he keeps it. We don’t talk anymore. We aren’t happy anymore. All we do is fight.”
“Maybe seeking help then,” Sean suggests, running out of options and feeling as though he’s at the end of his rope. “But first, talk to Bill.”
Dom pulls away, heading to the door, all the while shaking his head.
“Dom, talk to Bill,” Sean repeats, trying to put a little more warning into his voice. He knows that if Dom walks out of the room right now, nothing is going to get solved and the possibility of things getting worse will be on the table. Dom gives a rueful smile and starts to turn away. “Dom!”
“Sorry, Sean,” Dom grunts and leaves the room. He closes the door behind him and with it, he effective forces Sean out of the picture.
Sean doesn’t really drink to abandon, but he doesn’t know what else to do. Dom can be utterly frustrating at times, and sometimes Sean just wants to throttle him until he sees the light. Such a thing is not possible when there are many people who would retaliate if Sean had tried something like that.
Instead, he chooses to drink a beer.
That beer is followed by a shot of tequila, and then he samples the variety of vodkas that they’ve put into the fridge. By the time he’s onto raspberry vodka, he remembers to forget all about Billy and Dom’s troubles, and in the back of his mind, he even recalls that he need not take care of everyone.
Which is a lie, and Sean knows he’s going to do something to contradict himself within the next twenty-four hours. He sits on a bar stool and slumps forward, drawing out patterns on the wood with his index finger, spelling out names, and with each one, figuring a plan of attack of how he can help them.
By the time he spells the ‘M’ that stands for the last letter in D O M, he’s got a plan of attack. It’s just a matter of committing it to memory before the nice alcohol allows it to drift away, like a wave. He reminds himself exactly what he has to do, but is interrupted before he can write any of it down. The door has been slammed, and there is heavy breathing going on behind him.
Sean turns to find Elijah is having trouble breathing properly with his fists clenched at his sides. He raises his eyebrows in surprise, because Elijah had pulled that Rachel girl earlier that night – according to Orlando. There is a moment of silence between them.
“Sean…” Elijah mumbles quietly.
“What is it, Elwood?” Sean replies with a heavy slur to his voice. He feels heavy getting off the stool, and nearly trips as he makes his way over to Elijah’s side. “S’wrong?”
“I’m a horrible person,” Elijah says as he furrows his brow, and a flicker of disgust passes over his face. They’re both vaguely aware that Elijah’s hands are supporting Sean’s body, and they aren’t saying anything. They’re just looking at each other.
“No,” Sean replies with a small and innocent smile, “you’re a beautiful person.”
And Elijah gives him a grin that makes Sean’s efforts seem worthwhile.
Elijah licks his lips, vein in his throat pounding hard as he looks Sean straight in the eye with those eyes of his – piercing through every barrier Sean has ever put up. “Thank you,” he quietly adds, before his mouth twitches into a tiny smile. “Need you,” he whispers.
And Sean’s whole body shivers.
There’s something about that crucial moment, and Sean knows it. It’s the make-or-break. In his mind, Sean can see where the entire evening can go depending on which decision he chooses. Robert Frost had laid it out perfectly. Two roads diverged in a wood, Sean thinks. He’s not going to take the safe road, because that means Elijah is going to go to sleep miserable. He can’t think about what that means Elijah might do. He’s failed Billy once, and that landed him in the hospital, bruised to heaven and back – bruises that should have faded, but have left their mark instead.
He can’t fail Elijah as well.
‘And I took the one less traveled by’, Sean thinks. He makes his decision almost instantly when he realizes that by making this choice, he will not fail Elijah. He leans a little closer to the warmth, and presses his lips against Elijah’s ear.
This is not the safe road, and Sean knows it. It’s the road that won’t fail Elijah. That’s the most important thing in Sean’s world at that very moment. The most crucial thought in Sean’s mind is making sure he does not fail Elijah.
“You got me,” Sean says, and it’s full of warmth, care, and promise.
The sun wakes Sean up, and he has a horrible headache. It matches the pit in his stomach quite well. He suspects that they must have planned ahead and formed a strategy to match the dull ache in his limbs. He remembers drinking last night after Dom had come to him to talk about his problems.
And then…
He gives a quiet moan of a sound when he realizes where he is; when he realizes who he’s with.
He feels his heart drop deep into his chest after rising to his throat, and he crawls out of the bed with stunning agility for the way he feels. He dresses himself as much as he can before the thought of being viscerally sick claims him. It’s such a powerful thought that he runs out of the room, half dressed – naked from the waist up – and crashes into the bathroom, hitting his body on walls and doors.
He makes it to the sink, clasping onto the cold ivory surface with both hands and leaning forward, taking deep breaths and steadfastly avoiding the mirror.
He collapses to the floor, and manages to be sick in the toilet.
Sean grabs a few tissues and wipes at his mouth, breathing slowly and heavily as the weight of his mistake comes crashing down over his head. He can’t even move because with every movement of his body, his thoughts stumble back to what he’s done. He slowly begins to recall what had happened.
Elijah’s lips had moved, and there was sound, but the sound and the movement hadn’t quite matched up. “You’re the only one I ever trusted, you know that Sean? The only one I’ve ever really known was there for me. I love you for that.
And then…and then, Sean realizes, he had let his guard down and had allowed himself to give in to his desire to make everyone else happy, and content, and at peace. He remembers Elijah’s lips warm on his, and a bed with sheets that are still tangled. He remembers seeing the smile on Elijah’s face and thinking: ‘It was worth it,’ to himself. He had helped Elijah.
In his quest to help everyone else, he’s destroyed a part of himself.
Sean jumps slightly when he arrives back to his room and finds Viggo sitting on his bed. It’s not that he never ran this scenario through the back of his mind, wondering if it would ever happen one day. It’s that…well, it’s that he never actually expected it to happen is all. Viggo had always been the one he had never expected to be in this position.
“I need your help,” Viggo speaks up quietly, sounding worse for the wear and thoroughly hesitant with every word. Sean assumes that Viggo is putting himself completely out there, and really he doesn’t blame him. Of everyone, Sean had always figured Viggo for having the skills to solve his own problems somehow. “You’re the one who prides himself on being charitable and helpful…”
“Yeah,” Sean interrupts, unsure whether he likes where this is going.
“I need your help,” Viggo repeats himself.
“Okay,” Sean hesitantly agrees if only for the fact that he’s not sure what kind of help he can offer to Viggo. Charity becomes Sean, however, and he’s nothing if not a glutton for punishment. He will help until his last breath, and they both know it. It’s strange to think he can be so helpful for others when he himself is slowly corroding at the core and silently falling apart.
He’ll worry about himself later though.
“Things with Karl are falling apart,” Viggo says quickly, his words tumbling so quickly that they might as well have been one word rather than a whole sentence. He laughs quietly, and it sounds broken to Sean’s ears. “I had plans, Sean. I had perfect plans for the two of us, and they’ve splintered and fallen into a void.”
“Nothing is stable,” Sean quietly says, crossing his arms uneasily and remaining standing above Viggo, who bows his head forward and rests his elbows on his legs. Viggo exhales slowly and steadily, not a breath out of place.
“But I had such a careful strategy. How does that fall through?” he reiterates with a frustrated roll of his eyes. Sean crouches down in front of Viggo and rests one hand on Viggo’s knee. Sean catches Viggo’s gaze and makes sure he’s kept it before he even says a single syllable.
“Are they his plans too?” Sean asks softly.
Viggo shakes his head. Sean understands about plans all too well.
“Then those aren’t the kind for you two,” he continues gently, giving a quiet chuckle. “Talk to him. That’s the best thing you can do.”
And when Sean walks away from Viggo, the room, and the situation, he can almost forget how much of a hypocrite he’s being. After all, there is nothing in him that is willing, or wanting to speak to Elijah about what happened.
It’s okay though. Sean can live with hypocrisy, so long as he’s helping someone else.
tbc